Do you feel like no matter how much you rest, you're still exhausted? Like you're pouring all your energy into everyone else's needs requirements, leaving nothing for yourself. Or maybe you've noticed that the more you say yes, the more resentful you feel, even with your loved ones.
What if I told you that the secret to reclaiming our energy, reducing stress, and even improving your health isn't another wellness routine. It's boundaries, or precisely a lack of healthy boundaries. In today's episode, I'm diving deep into why boundaries aren't just a nice to have. They are your secret weapon for true health and well-being. And I'll share some science behind how protecting your space can calm your mind. Help lower your stress levels, supercharge your healing, and help you create the life you actually want to live. This isn't about shutting people out. It's actually about finally saying yes to yourself. So you're not saying no to others. You are more saying yes to yourself And I want you to stay with me because you don't want to miss this.
And at the end, I am also going to invite you to the phrase seven day challenge. Seven Days to Calm, Reclaim Your Power with Healthy Boundaries, which starts on December 4th. This challenge is your chance to say goodbye, to overwhelm and step into the new Year. Feeling empowered, balanced, and ready to try. So you learn how to set guilt free boundaries, to fostering self-care that actually sticks, and some practical tools to protect your energy and amplify your life. So if you sign up now, you will also get a free workbook and which is packed with exercises to help you reflect, reset, and set boundaries that will help you to get into the next year. That's all coming up next right here on Embrace Your Healing Journey.
Welcome to Embrace Your Healing Journey, a podcast for women with autoimmune and other chronic conditions to help them navigate the illness without fear of isolation and uncertainty, and find relief from the symptoms. Your body is your guide and ally in healing. If you're ready to embrace this journey with compassion and awareness, then the show is for you. Tune in weekly as I, a Functional medicine Certified health Coach, deliver tips and insights that demystify the healing process, guiding you towards the relief you deserve so that you can feel healthy and happy once more.
I remember reading a story that I think best describes the value of setting boundaries as a story I'd read a while ago. It's about a playground for small children right next to a busy street, so the parents are always constantly worried that the children would, you know, would run off to the street and there were a lot of cars, etc., to have a lot of traffic on that road. So they used to always make sure that the children used to play in a very small section, um, you know, next to the school that it was. So only a small section of that, uh, playground was getting used because the children would not be allowed to step beyond that. It was only when they put up a fence around it right next to the street that the children were able to enjoy the full play area, the full playground with more freedom, and the parents were able to actually relax without being scared for their children's lives. Why? Because they had put up a boundary. This is, of course the example of a physical boundary, but even your whether it's a physical boundary, emotional, social, mental, spiritual and even sexual boundaries can also help you and free you up in this manner. And that's what this episode is all about.
It has taken me years of and conditioning, um, you know, uh, or, and conditioning myself to figure out how to say no to things, people's events and activities in my life that I don't really want to be a part of at that point in time. Right. It's actually saying yes to myself, and it's taken me a long time because I've always known myself to be this good girl, to be a nice girl, not wanting to make any trouble or really rock the boat. After all, my mother had her hands full raising two young children after her father's death when I was only 11 and my brother was six. So I was always very aware that as an elder sibling and an older child, I had to be responsible and I had to be good, and I had to not create any trouble. And I took it upon myself to be fake nice, even when I didn't feel it, feel like it at the time. And I was a child at that time. But that's how I grew up. So it was always that, you know, I would feel, I would actually feel that I should be saying yes when I probably wanted to say no and not even voice my opinion or disagree with someone so that it didn't hurt their feelings. And it's taken me a long time to understand that there was it was doing me a lot of harm, and it was not helping me create healthy relationships. And I had to learn how to stand up for myself.
So this if this sounds familiar to you. Um, you know, if you ever say yes when you really want to say no, or if you prioritize other people's needs over your own, or you hesitate asking for help when you really need it, or you may even feel resentful people asking a lot from even if it's your loved ones and maybe it happens very often. You see, not having healthy boundaries can actually be quite exhausting and it can set you up for resentment, frustration, and disappointment. Boundary neglect actually impacts our health, whether it's chronic stress, it's emotional or well, and even, uh, you know, down to physical symptoms like fatigue and inflammation.
So whether you are dealing with a health issue or a health condition or not, setting healthy boundaries becomes really important. And people actually experience a lack of boundaries in many different ways. So you may feel constantly drained and exhausted no matter how much rest you get. So you realize that your energy is being spent on everyone else, leaving little for yourself. Or you may be feeling bitter or tired or irritated, even at small request, because you're over giving. So you're saying yes when you really want to say no. Or maybe there's a persistent sense of dread or worry, especially when you have to attend certain social events or you have a never ending to do list, and it might even affect your sleep. And your mind is racing at night, replaying conversations, worrying about other people's expectations.
These symptoms are your body and your line's way of signaling that something needs to change. And healthy boundaries are the key to breaking free from this cycle and reclaiming your energy, clarity, and of course, peace of mind. And as I mentioned, stay tuned till the end because I have a brand new online challenge, seven Days to Calm, Reclaim your Healthy Boundaries power by setting healthy boundaries coming up soon, and that will help you to learn how to start doing this. The real problem causing all these issues goes deeper than the surface level challenges of feeling either overwhelmed or overcommitted because, you know, at the root and I always talk about the root that's mine. That's my training as a Functional Medicine Health coach, and that's how I work with my clients. I need to understand what you know and address what is at the root. And here at the root of these, these issues, typically for women, it's a lack of clear and healthy boundaries with others and maybe even with yourself, because what's really happening is that you're prioritizing others over yourself, because you've been conditioned to believe that being nice means always saying yes, even when it costs you your peace and well-being.
And this is where I was for many, many years. Like over three decades, for sure. It was I mean, I believe that obviously I wanted to be nice. I mean, I have that, you know, that is something that we want we want to be courteous. But I thought it meant always saying yes. And I used to feel so resentful. And it may be that you feel responsible for everyone else's happiness and special keeps you in a cycle of over giving over and over apologizing. To some extent, this happened for me too. Like it's like I am carrying this emotional burden for everyone around me, whether it's for my mother, whether it's for my brother when I was young, and then later on whether it's for my husband. And I realized that I am not responsible for everyone else's happiness, and I had to learn how to let go of that.
Or maybe you're ignoring your body signal and your gut is saying that you there is too much. You need some rest, but you keep on pushing through instead of pausing, and this makes you feel even more exhausted, or maybe even sick. And you are afraid of disappointing others. Maybe it's a fear of conflict, rejection, or being judged, and you've learned to sacrifice your own needs to keep the peace. And of course, the fact of the matter is that most of us haven't been really taught how to set boundaries. Most of us grew up without the tools to say no confidently or feel that saying no is actually wrong. We don't know. We don't learn how to. We are not taught how to enforce limits with love. You can actually do it in a very, very loving manner or to even recognize when our boundaries have been crossed. I certainly was this person.
So these underlying issues can create a ripple effect on your body, mind and emotions because you are left in a constant state of fight or flight response. There are two nervous system modes that you have in your body. One is the fight or flight where your stress response is over activated, and it's good and it's meant for survival, but it's only meant for short periods of time. Your body is not designed to be in this nervous system mode for long periods of time, because that leads to many health issues and even diseases in the long run. And this is a this is not having healthy boundaries can lead you to this situation, right? It's not a direct cause and effect, but not having healthy boundaries can, you know, make it really difficult for us to move from this fight or flight response to the other response, which is the rest and digest response and our energy is drained trying to meet our demands that don't align with the training. So our health suffers and relationships feel strained, and we lose touch with really what matters to us.
But the good news is that you can break the cycle by learning how to set healthy boundaries, boundaries that protect your energy, that honor your needs, and ultimately empower you to live a more balanced and fulfilling light life. In fact, this is what I'm going to be showing you how to do. You know, in order to just get started doing this. Like, of course it's going to take some time, but this, uh, online, this free online challenge, 7 Days to calm, reclaim your Power with healthy boundaries, starting on the 4th of December will help you to, uh, get started with doing this, to just understand how you can go about doing this and then maybe what you want to sort of dig deeper into this and, uh, yeah, some things that you should factor in, you know, when you are setting boundaries.
Number one, you have a right to say no without guilt.
Number two, you have a right to be treated respectfully.
Number three, you have a right to put your needs on par with someone else's.
Number four, you have a right to accept your mistakes and your flaws for yourself.
And number five, you have a right to reject other people's unreasonable expectations.
So you've probably tried a few things to help you with setting boundaries in, maybe not intentionally, to feel less overwhelmed, but maybe, you know, nothing really seems to work for you. So maybe you say yes to keep the peace, hoping to avoid conflict, but you end up feeling resentful and drained. And this is where I was for a very long time. I mean, I know that I've said yes to many times when I actually feel like saying no. And and I used to feel resentful of the person, even if it was my own family member.
Or maybe you throw yourself into self-care, booking a massage or, you know, going for a movie, but as soon as you are back into your routine again, the stress creeps back in. I think that's something which is very common for many women, right? We cannot be, uh, stepping out of our lives all the time. We have to figure out how to implement these things in our lives. And I'm having this conversation, in fact, today morning with my husband and we were talking about, uh, meditation retreat that his cousin was going to Vipassana. And I know that it's been there on my list, but I know I'm not yet ready in many ways. And that's a story for another day. And, uh, and he was saying that, you know, that would be really helpful because he'll give you four days away and, you know, stress. But what I realized while we were discussing that is that I need I am glad that I've been able to figure out how to de-stress within my own daily routine, how to create boundaries, how to, uh, you know, have different tools for self-care within, you know, in my day to day life that's so much important. That's that's really important. Of course, it is helpful if you if you can go away for a few days, if you do have endless retreat, but you have to come back to your life.
So what I am sharing with you today will help you in your day to day life without changing your entire routine. So again, coming back to this, perhaps you've tried to say quiet or you have tried to avoid kind of conversations and, um, you know, take on a lot of responsibilities to prove that you can handle it. A lot of us do that, and maybe you hope that others will notice how much you are doing and step in to help, but they don't because you've not really communicated to them. And so what ends up happening typically that you feel unappreciated and stretched even thinner. These approaches don't work because they only treat the symptoms, not the root cause.
A lack of healthy boundaries and a healthy boundary starts with good communication. So unless you start setting clear, healthy limits that honor your energy and needs, this cycle will continue. And boundaries are often the missing piece that can transform to not just your health, but your entire life. So here's what I want you to do instead. Start by paying attention to your body's signals. If you're feeling drained, resentful, or anxious, these are often signs that a boundary is needed, right? If you can figure out what feels manageable for you right now, what you are willing to give up, and what where you need to draw the line and you can start small. I mean, that's what I am, you know all about. It's not about making things more complicated. In fact,my new tagline is and I've been working on this behind the scenes because I want to simplify wellness for you. So it's about simplifying wellness, amplifying life.
So you need to you can easily start small. So practice setting boundaries in simple everyday situations so you can start by giving yourself permission to pause instead of immediately saying yes, try. Let me think about it often. Uh, you know, no, doesn't come out very easily. And maybe you don't want to really say no because you respect that relationship. So you can actually say, let me think about it. This small shift can protect your energy and help you align with what truly matters. More importantly, it gives you the time to figure out how to come back to that person and maybe even say no. And, you know, because that's a that's a full response. Uh, period. I mean, that's it. And it can also mean blocking out time for yourself. So if there is, you know, you're not you don't have any plans for a weekend or an evening or, or you can create digital boundaries like no, no notifications, no emails.
And of course, um, the one of the hardest things to do is, you know, declining requests with grace. So you can start saying, I'd love to help, but I can't take this on right now. So whether it's professional, whether it's personal, and again, this is by practice, you will need to figure out in which situation. But the more you practice this, the better you get at it. And, uh, the one thing that you will learn as you go, go through this and hopefully with the challenges that, uh, you know, there are certain situations and people that leave you feeling drained. So you will learn how to avoid when you can. It's not always possible, especially when it's a family member. But these small actions honor your needs and create space for what truly matters for you. And you can show up, uh, the way you want to in life. Boundaries just don't simplify your life. They amplify your energy, clarity, and sense of balance.
But you have to learn how to honor your boundaries consistently, even if it feels uncomfortable. Uncomfortable at first. But what will happen? And that's what I have found personally, that over time I feel more free. So when I say yes, I really mean it. Like I'm able to give my full 100%. Of course, there are times where I end up saying yes when I still want to say no, but that happens less and less often, and I have found that there's more peace of mind. And because I know that I'm in control of my life.
So remember that boundaries are meant to create healthy relationships, not control another person. That's not what you're trying to do here. And from there, you can begin setting boundaries based on your needs and values. Because once your boundaries are set, you need to make sure that you are enforcing them. And if people are disrespecting your boundaries to learn how to let them know. So here's why setting boundaries is so important. They are not just about protecting your time. Actually, they are more about reclaiming your energy, clarity, and emotional well-being. That's how it ties in with your health. So when you set and honor boundaries, you are sending a powerful message to yourself and others. Your needs matter and you deserve to feel balanced.
Because without boundaries, you risk feeling drained, resentful, and, you know, stressed and constantly stretched too thin and a healthy boundaries create space for you to focus on what truly matters whether it's your family, whether it's your health, and especially if you have health issues, it's really important that you are able to create those boundaries or put those boundaries in place with practice or even personal growth, you know? And what happens is that when you are saying no to what doesn't serve you, you actually get to say yes to opportunities that will help you in your life. And they also, you know, we don't realize this. They also help to foster stronger, healthier relationships because you have been so, um, you know, you are open about your needs. Based on now mutual respect and clear communication. It may not feel like that initially, but that's how it works.
So when you are setting boundaries, you're not just simplifying your life, you are amplifying it. So imagine feeling lighter, calmer, and fully present in your day to day life. That's the power of boundaries, and it's why learning to set them is essential for reclaiming your power and creating the life you truly deserve. So if you're ready to do this, join us for the free seven day online challenge 7 Days to Calm. Reclaim Your Power with Healthy Boundaries starting on the 4th of December and learn how to do this. If you are eager to learn more or reach, you can reach out to me and you can write to me at an editor at the Red onion github.com. I would love to hear from you.
Thank you so much for tuning in today for today's episode of Embrace Your Healing Journey on the next episode. Um, I'm diving into the top three boundary mistakes that are sabotaging your health and how to fix them now.
So if you've ever felt guilty for setting boundaries and you've struggled to say no without over explaining, now that you know why it is so important, or you wait your and you know until you completely burnt out, this episode is for you. I will be talking about the most common boundary pitfalls that might be silently draining your energy and holding back from your from you achieving your health goals on. And more importantly, I'll be sharing some simple, actionable strategies to turn things around. So if you want to dig deeper into this topic, you don't want to miss this one, and you don't want to miss the 7 seven day online challenge coming up, I'll be sharing the link below in the show notes. Make sure that you sign up for lessons for that your body knows how to heal. Are you ready to support it?
