Dose of Dignity: Dignity and the Imposter

In this episode of the Dignity Lab, Jennifer explores the imposter phenomenon, a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their skills and fear being exposed as frauds. She discusses its origins, consequences, and offers strategies to overcome these feelings, emphasizing the importance of belonging, intellectual humility, radical acceptance, and recognizing one's whole self beyond accomplishments.

Takeaways

• The imposter phenomenon affects up to 80% of people.
• It is a cognitive distortion rather than a mental health issue.
• The phenomenon can lead to anxiety, depression, and burnout.
• Belonging practices are crucial to overcoming imposter feelings.
• Intellectual humility involves recognizing our knowledge limitations.
• Radical acceptance means embracing ourselves as we are.
• We should not define ourselves solely by our work or status.
• Positive feedback can feel like proof of deception.
• We can combat imposter feelings by fostering community and support.
• Recognizing our whole selves can help mitigate feelings of fraud.

Exploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.

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Transcript

This is The Dignity Lab, a weekly podcast in which we guide you through understanding dignity, its violations, and its reclamation no matter who you are, what you’ve done, or what’s happened to you. Here at The Dignity Lab, we believe in the inherent worth and value of each person. We also believe that our dignity is vulnerable to harm–at work, at home, and in our communities. 

Hosted by physician, narrative medicine practitioner, and leadership coach, Dr. Jennifer Griggs.

Welcome to the Dignity Lab. In this week’s dose of dignity, I thought I’d share with you some thoughts on the imposter phenomenon, sometimes referred to as imposter syndrome. I’ll describe the origins and evolution of how we think about the imposter phenomenon, describe the consequences of the phenomenon, and give you four ways to work through the imposter experience if you’re one of the 80% of people who experience it.

And if you stay on past the closing credits, when you think the episode is over, I’ll tell you about the moment I put the imposter experience in the rear view mirror for good.

Recall that your dignity is your inherent worth or value. The 10 elements of dignity, based on and revised slightly from the work of Dr. Donna Hicks, are acceptance of identity, inclusion, safety, understanding (which means being given a chance to have your story heard), acknowledgement (which means having your feelings and experiences validated), recognition of your accomplishments and your striving, being given the benefit of the doubt, fairness, accountability, and autonomy. As you’ll notice, many if not all of these elements are touched upon when we talk about the imposter phenomenon. The key things to remember as you listen to this episode are that you do not have to earn your dignity and that no one has more or less dignity than another.

The impostor phenomenon is a psychological pattern in which people doubt their skills, talents, or accomplishments and have a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud even in the face of evidence that they are capable and qualified. The cruelty of the imposter phenomenon is that it is most likely to flare up when we have just reached a goal or accomplishment, such as when we’re accepted into a school or when we’re hired into a new job, or when we are promoted. No one is immune, and we are unlikely to outgrow it over time.

This phenomenon was first identified and named by psychologists Dr. Pauline Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes in 1978. Their work focused on the experiences of high achieving women, who, despite their accomplishments, felt inadequate. Clance and Imes defined three main components of the imposter phenomenon–a sense of being a fraud, worry that one has been admitted, hired, or promoted by mistake, and fear of being exposed.

And the consequences are not trivial–the phenomenon is associated with anxiety, depression, low self-confidence, and burnout. We attribute our successes to luck or being in the right place at the right time rather than to our own abilities. We have a hard time taking feedback because positive feedback is proof we’ve fooled everyone, and critical feedback as further proof we don’t belong here. These feelings we have, these stories we tell ourselves, can lead to either overworking, in which we raise the bar higher and higher, or to avoidance challenges and opportunities out of fear of failure, or both overworking and avoidance.

Although initially defined in women, the phenomenon is equally prevalent in all genders. Research has demonstrated that up to 80% of people have experienced the imposter phenomenon.  It is more severe in women and in minoritized groups. The word phenomenon is preferred over syndrome for two reasons–it was the name used in the original research and because the word syndrome evokes some sort of pathology or disease, as if there is something wrong with the person experiencing it. 

The imposter phenomenon rather than a mental or emotional disturbance should be thought of as a cognitive distortion–a set of stories we tell ourselves and believe despite evidence to the contrary. (Other examples of cognitive distortions include catastrophizing or the notion that we can tell what other people are thinking, referred to as mind reading.) 

The stories that fan the flames of the imposter phenomenon are reinforced by both the interpersonal and organizational contexts within which we live and work. Personality traits such as perfectionism are associated with the phenomenon as are family dynamics and early life experiences, our school and work culture, and societal expectations, both positive and negative. 

I’m going to share my personal take on the imposter phenomenon and the relationship to dignity as I describe ways to approach moving through the experience. 

There are four key practices or approaches to the imposter phenomenon. The first is fostering belonging. The second is embracing intellectual humility. The third is radical acceptance of our present state, our present being. And the fourth is remembering that we are whole people, not defined by our status or our work or how others perceive us. That is, remembering that we have worth and value outside of the places that stir up those stories we tell ourselves.

So to start…I believe that belonging, or rather the lack of belonging, is a core element of the imposter phenomenon. If you have not had your identity accepted, if you have been excluded…excluded from all sorts of things, whether it’s inside knowledge or having agency and resources to “fit in,” if you’ve been othered, if you don’t feel safe, it is no wonder that you feel you don’t deserve to be where you are or fear you’ll be exposed. If you’re told that you won’t make it, that you’re there only because of luck, or because you’re a diversity hire, or because of your good genes, or because that was a good guess, or you’re not heard or are interrupted or treated as if you’re less than a full-fledged whatever you are, you will feel as if you don’t belong. 

I’m wondering if any of this sounds familiar to you.

Finding ways to heighten your sense of belonging is a fundamental practice you can undertake to help you live with the experience of feeling like an imposter. Whether it’s through finding a small group of people with whom you can share your experience or by reminding yourself of your core values every day, you can actually begin to feel that you do belong. 

If you are a leader, you can do what has been done at New York University. There, the leadership emphasizes to newly admitted students that they have been deliberately chosen and belong at the university. And this is not a one-and-done. Belonging practices can and should be baked into our cultures.

The second and third strategies are to foster intellectual humility and radical acceptance. I’m going to discuss them together before moving to the fourth strategy. Intellectual humility can be defined as recognizing the limitations of our knowledge and beliefs coupled with an openness to new ideas and a willingness to revise our views in light of new evidence. Intellectual humility requires that we acknowledge that our knowledge is incomplete, that we accept that our beliefs and opinions may be incorrect, and that we are open to the ideas and perspectives of others. Last, it means we have an accurate view of our strengths and weaknesses, without overvaluing or undervaluing ourselves. Intellectual humility makes us better students, teachers, leaders, followers…pretty much better everything. 

If you’re just accepted into a PhD program, of course you don’t know anything (in the grand scheme of things). You wouldn’t be here if you knew it all. (And, let’s admit it, people who think they know it all are really falling prey to yet another cognitive distortion.) If you’re new in a leadership position, you bring your unique qualities and have a steep learning curve on the road ahead. It’s the opportunity to learn more and to contribute in new ways that make this position appealing to you. You know what you know…no more, no less. Searching for validation through other people’s perception of ourselves is outsourcing our dignity, which is great if there’s a steady stream of the good stuff. But it makes us dependent on the whims and moods of others.

Radical acceptance is related to intellectual humility but goes a little further. Radical acceptance is the practice of completely and totally accepting the present moment and ourselves, just as we and they are. It involves acknowledging and accepting things, and our very selves, just as they are, even when we face something painful or unpleasant, even when we’ve made a mistake or couldn’t come up with the answer to a question on the spot.

You are exactly who you are supposed to be. Truth be told, you can’t actually be anything other than who you are, right now in this very place and time in this chapter of the book that is your life. You do not have to earn your worth, you do not have to pretend you’re something you’re not. No matter who you are as you listen to my voice, you have worth and value just as you are, right in this moment.

The final practice is to recognize your whole self, not just your accomplishments or your striving related to school or work or whatever. You have a life outside of work…even if you feel you’ve neglected those other parts of yourself. You are a family member–a child of your parents. You may be a partner, an artist, a parent, a friend, a singer, a sister or brother, a master at solving crossword puzzles, a member of a faith community. You have interests and talents and hobbies–perhaps long neglected–that make you a fuller person in a bigger world than the one where you fear being found out, where you believe that you’re a fraud. You may find it helpful to write down or draw all the aspects of your whole self, remembering what you loved to do in an earlier chapter of your life, giving some love and sustenance to those other parts of yourself.

I’m wondering what’s resonating with you. What approach can you try today? this week? Is there someone you know who is living a diminished life because they are experiencing feelings of being an imposter, a fraud? I’d love to invite you to consider sharing this episode with them. And of course, please follow, rate, review, and all the things you do when you appreciate an episode.

We do love hearing from you. You can reach us through the Contact Us page on our website, www.thedignitylab.com. And if you’re interested in working with a small group of others who want to live and lead with purpose and joy, consider learning more about The Dignity Lab (yes, the same name as this podcast) by visiting our website, www.thedignitylab.com. The Dignity Lab is a leadership mastermind in which we look at life and leadership through the lens of dignity. I’ll be hosting a Dignity Lab demo for the lab-curious on Sunday October 27 2024 in case you want to have a taste of what happens in the lab. You can learn more and register for free on our website, www.thedignitylab.com.

Thank you as always for listening, and we’ll see you next time.

This has been The Dignity Lab with Dr. Jennifer Griggs.

If you have experienced a dignity violation or have a dignity dilemma and want to be a guest on our show, contact us through our website, www.thedignitylab.com. Guests may remain anonymous. 

Our website also has downloadable resources that you can access from anywhere.

This season of The Dignity Lab is produced by me, Vanessa Aron. Pete Carty is our audio engineer and sound designer. Chase Miller composed our theme music.

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When I was chief resident (many years ago), I set myself up to be a sort of dorm mom, falling headlong and eagerly into one of the roles I’d seen in women leaders. On Fridays, for example, I would bring chocolates to the sign out room, and to make things feel more end-of-the-week, would come up with a few medical trivia questions.

One week, I selected and wrote on the white board three eponyms from a little book that I’d bought years before. Eponyms in medicine are such things as diseases or physical exam findings named after the person who either “discovered” the disease or the name of the person who suffered from it. This type of knowledge is not worth much more than afternoon trivia, and to be honest, the use of eponyms has been discouraged since the mid-1970’s. Anyway, I asked the residents if they knew any of them. 

One of the third-year residents, whom I’ll call Dave, asked loudly (and fairly obnoxiously as was his style), “Yeah, but did you know that stuff ten minutes ago?” No. No, I did not. And he knew it, and everyone else in the room knew it. 

Here’s the thing. I have to tell you that although I had just been called out for not knowing something and might have blushed and wanted to run, or freeze, or say, “Why yes, yes I did”, I didn’t do any of those things. And most surprising, I did not feel like a failure, I did not feel like a fraud, and for the first time, I did not feel that I wasn’t the right person to have been chosen to be one of two chief residents. 

That was the day that I saw the imposter phenomenon fade in my rear view mirror. Until then, I had often felt that I was a physician under false pretenses. Someone had told me when I was an undergraduate student that, while I might get admitted to medical school, I wouldn’t make it through. I was told by various people that my grades in college and medical school were the result of my having smart parents. That I was at this medical center, in this role because I had a physician father who worked at the same hospital. Because I was “nice” and the faculty found me to be agreeable. And I knew that at any moment, I’d be found out and exposed for being, good God, average.

So why did my not knowing those eponyms like the back of my hand not cause a flare of imposter syndrome? And what about Dave and this Friday afternoon helped me shed these feelings for good? 

Here’s how I put it together these many years later. 

For me, the absurdity of eponyms was just what I needed to see the absurdity and impossibility of knowing everything. The thought that we belong only when we know everything or when we look or act the way the people in charge think we should was so foolish that I have been able since that day to accept what I know and, more important, how much more there is to learn.