Dose of Dignity: The Dignity of Giving Thanks

In this episode of the Dignity Lab, Jennifer explores the complex relationship between Thanksgiving and dignity, particularly in relation to Indigenous peoples. She discusses the true meaning of gratitude, differentiating between superficial forms of gratitude and a deeper, transformative practice that honors both ourselves and others. Through this exploration, she emphasizes the importance of recognizing genuine kindness and the full spectrum of human experience.

Takeaways

• The modern Thanksgiving celebration often overlooks the dignity of Indigenous peoples.
• Gratitude can be understood as both a tool and a virtue.
• Comparative gratitude can lead to a harmful mindset that limits gratitude to only times in which others suffer.
• Social or performative gratitude does not reflect true feelings or experiences.
• Prescribing gratitude to those in pain can violate their dignity.
• True gratitude emerges from acceptance and recognition of kindness and acknowledges both challenges and gifts in life.
• Recognizing goodness in others honors their dignity and our shared humanity.

Exploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.

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Transcript

Welcome to the Dignity Lab. Today's episode is a dose of dignity on giving thanks, that is, practicing gratitude with dignity. I'll talk briefly about the ways in which the contemporary celebration of Thanksgiving has violated dignity, the different types of gratitude and the specific types of gratitude that honor the dignity of others and our own dignity, the gratitude that can heal ourselves and others.

The first thing that needs to be said is that the Thanksgiving many of us heard of when we were children is, truth be told, a violation of the dignity of the Indigenous people who lived and who still live in what we call the United States. Our modern Thanksgiving celebration is built upon a sanitized version of history that masks the devastating genocide and displacement of Native people by European settlers. If we think about several elements of dignity as identified by Dr. Hicks. If we think about several of the elements of dignity identified by Dr. Donna Hicks, our first guest on the Dignity Lab in Season 1, including acceptance of identity, inclusion, safety, acknowledgement, recognition, understanding fairness, accountability, and autonomy, it's clear that the way Native peoples have been treated and continue to be treated well is not aligned with the principles of dignity. Thanksgiving is thus a fraught holiday for many people, perhaps for you. We've put links to more information in the show notes about this topic if you want to share with others. 

The second thing that we often misunderstand is what gratitude truly is and how to practice it. 

The word "gratitude" traces its origins to Medieval Latin "grātitūdō," meaning "thankfulness," which evolved from the Latin word "grātus," meaning "thankful" or "pleasing." The term entered the English language in the mid-15th century, initially conveying "good will," and by the 1560s had developed its current meaning of "thankfulness."

On a philosophical level, gratitude can be under standard.

Gratitude can be understood as both a tool and as a virtue. On a philosophical level, gratitude can be understood as both a tool and as a virtue, consciously employed to shift perspective and break negative patterns. Gratitude is also an attitude that recognizes life's underlying order and as a natural expression that represents a fundamental aspect of our true nature. This virtue, celebrated across cultures and religions, functions as a powerful force capable of reducing stress, improving cognitive function, enhancing relationships, and promoting creativity. 

So what does gratitude or thankfulness actually look like? So what does gratitude or thankfulness actually look like? And how do we practice it? 

I thought I'd start with three types of gratitude that I'm actually not thinking about today. Let's start with what I call at least gratitude or comparative gratitude. This is the kind of gratitude that we express with statements like, at least I have a home, or compare ourselves to situations of others who may be worse off. While this gratitude certainly shows humility and can help us practice perspective. It doesn't fundamentally change the ways we live or heal our hearts. It also requires that other people suffer in order for us to feel that gratitude. What happens when, and yes, I know it's unlikely in our present era, everyone has a home? Are we no longer grateful? Do we require that other people have their dignity violated for us to notice those things for which we should be grateful? Do we require that other people have their dignity violated for us to notice those things for which we should be or want to be grateful? I feel, I fear that comparative gratitude sets us up so that we require those sorts of violations. 

Then there's what I call social gratitude or performative gratitude, the kind we display on social media or an. Then there's what I call social gratitude or performative gratitude, the kind we display on social media perhaps or in carefully curated photos. But as anyone who's ever taken family photos knows, the moments on the photograph often belie the chaos and tears that happened just minutes before the image was taken. But as anyone who's ever taken family photos knows, these moments often belie the chaos and tears that happened just seconds before the image was taken. I have my own stories of such pictures. 

You may have also encountered forced gratitude in which other people prescribe thankfulness to us. They might say something like, should be grateful for all the good things in your life. Or let's say if we're dealing with illness, “Can you be grateful that you at least have access to medical care?” I don't think we can prescribe gratitude to someone who's suffering. And to do so is to violate the acknowledgement and understanding elements of dignity and perhaps other elements such as acceptance of their identity, inclusion, recognition, benefit of the doubt or autonomy. 

The type of gratitude that truly transforms us, that heals us, is different. It's the deep, quiet gratitude that comes from accepting life exactly as it is. It is not born of comparison, obligation, or prescription. It emerges just from noticing and recognizing genuine kindness. The stranger who jumped your car battery this morning. The unconditional love of a friend. Or even the simple fact that the earth holds us steady when everything else feels chaotic. True gratitude doesn't require comparison or performance. It simply asks us to be present with what is, acknowledging both the challenges and the gifts that life presents. And by recognizing and acknowledging the goodness in other people, We are honoring the dignity of others and connecting with our common humanity. Yes, this can be hard in difficult times, in times when the world is on fire, when we are tempted to fall prey to involution, that is to close in on ourselves. When the world leads us to be tempted to engage in cynicism. I know that. But speaking from both the science of gratitude and my own experience, you really can't beat this practice of gratitude. This genuine gratitude strengthens us because it's rooted in reality rather than in obligation. It doesn't deny our struggles or pain, but rather acknowledges the full spectrum of our experiences, honoring those who have honored our dignity and honoring theirs in return.

What is your experience with gratitude? What small moments of kindness come to mind? What's something that happened today? How can you express gratitude today? How does shifting from at least gratitude to the noticing of small kindnesses or the way the earth is holding you right now in this moment feel to you as you listen to this?

Thank you as always for listening and we'll see you next week.