131 : Triggers & Emotional Hijacking | Ways to Learn From Body Wisdom

Your reaction isn’t “too much” for no reason. Sometimes it’s your nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do a long time ago, then dragging that charge into the present before you can even think. We get real about emotional triggers, why they feel disproportionate, and how to tell when a moment is simply lighting a fuse on an older story.

We share two fresh trigger stories that look totally different on the surface: an airport run-in that escalates over bags, an apple, and the threat of being rebooked, and a seemingly safe connection in the ultra-running world that turns into an inappropriate, sexually charged text. Both spark the same deeper questions: What belief just got hit? What boundary got crossed? What part of me felt disrespected or unsafe? We also talk “capacity” and why sleep, food, stress, and timing can make the exact same event feel manageable one day and explosive the next.

Then we dig into the science and the tools. We explain the amygdala hijack and the rapid 12-millisecond body response, why the chemical surge can pass in about 90 seconds, and how rumination and reactivity keep it burning. We weave in Dr. Gabor Maté’s lens on big-T and small-t trauma, plus somatic healing and why “the body keeps the score.” You’ll leave with practical ways to name the hijack, find it in your body, buy yourself time, and respond with compassionate inquiry instead of shame.

If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s working on emotional regulation, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What’s a trigger you’ve been trying to understand lately?

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Transcript

Welcome And Why Triggers Matter

Polly Mertens 0:27

Hey superstars, welcome back. Polly here.

Samantha Pruitts 0:30

Sam Pruitt in the house. What's up, lady? Let's go, let's go. So today your triggers know something you don't. It's time to listen. Tune in, people, right?

Polly Mertens 0:41

Triggers? Triggers? I don't know what you're talking about.

Samantha Pruitts 0:44

Okay, so just so you know, we always have a little pre-episode. So Sam and I were just talking and we're like, you know, kind of heavy topic, right? Kind of let's bring some levity to this. So it's like we're gonna be, you know, bring some joy in the background of a heavy thing, right?

Polly Mertens 1:00

Yeah, and then we were also saying that we literally get triggered nonstop. It's just a not listen, we're human just like everybody else. Oh, yeah. Everybody who is listening has triggers. Okay. And so we're just here today to talk about it openly. We'll share our experiences recently that brought this topic to the forefront for today's conversation. Yeah. And then obviously give some tools and tricks on how to navigate it, but just how to understand what's going on in your physical body and your emotional body.

Samantha Pruitts 1:29

Yeah, yeah. Cause I think it's still a mystery to a lot of people, especially if you, I mean, I think you and I take it for granted, all that we know, because we've learned and we've lived, and me as a hypnotherapist and coach, and you know, all this stuff that we work with people on so much, it's like, oh, doesn't everybody know this? You know, and then we and then we get it happens to us, you know. So we'll go into that. So so let's talk about like what is a trigger. Let's help to start to define that and you know, just set the stage, if you will.

Polly Mertens 1:57

So do you wanna do you have a you probably want to read the definition or not? Because I know you'd love to do that, and then I'll get into my two cents.

Samantha Pruitts 2:05

I did have the definition. Oh, what did I do with it? Oh, it was oh, it

What A Trigger Really Is

Samantha Pruitts 2:09

was a it was something that initiates something. Oh shoot, talk for a second, let me find it. I'm sorry, I lost it.

Polly Mertens 2:16

I mean, it really it is a an event, an event, an action, a circumstance, right? An experience that happens to said person, the human that causes physiologically and then psychologically.

Samantha Pruitts 2:33

Actually, that's not that's not it. So it sets off a chain reaction. So it's sets off, yeah. It's not the cause. It's like yeah, the cause is in within us, you know, so it lives inside of us, the cause of the trigger. But it's like an event, action, or device that sets off a chain reaction or initiates a specific process.

Polly Mertens 2:50

Initiates, that's good.

Samantha Pruitts 2:51

Initiates, yeah, exactly. And then it's so what we often think about as a trigger is our response to that event, right?

Polly Mertens 2:57

So, like we've got that person caused or that thing caused, right, right, right. Okay, so we want to re-terminology and re-explain that. Yes, please. Let's get into that.

Samantha Pruitts 3:06

Yes, stay back in our power, you know. So, yeah. So that's just the generic definition, if you will.

Polly Mertens 3:11

So what it does generally, well, not generally, it always sets off a chain of events. But what I love about your description there, and you have a little bit more to it, is about how the physiological response in the body and in the brain, so biochemistry, that response is faster, instantaneous almost to the rational thought.

Samantha Pruitts 3:38

Yeah, we'll get into the science.

Polly Mertens 3:40

Leaves the train, it leaves the train station. Okay, the train is out of the before you even realize what the hell is happening.

Samantha Pruitts 3:46

I didn't think like a match. Yeah. So I want to say a little bit more, we'll talk a little bit of background. And so we have a couple of angles that will come at this because you've read a lot, I've read a lot, we've studied a lot of different things. So we just want to like soak you in a lot of information from a different perspective that will already bring up things that you're experienced, aware of, know, maybe didn't know, right? So I have another definition. This one's from AI is an emotional reaction that feels disproportionate to what just happened. Because it is, right? And so it's not about the moment you're in, it's the nervous system firing based on a much older moment. And we'll go into that, right? So the the present moment is just like a fuse. And, you know, something I think is important is like the distinction, I think, of what creates, let's call it a trigger, because there's moments, there's things that are happening to us all day long. You know, the the window slams or the person next door honks at you or whatever. And same two people, you on a different day, like nothing, you know, totally rolls off of you, right? But we're we're we're honing in on the things that trigger you in a way that feels, like you said, disproportionate to the moment. Like, whoa, why did I react to that? So we got that set the stage. Do we want to introduce the stories now so you can share your story and where where this is what kind of story is.

Polly Mertens 5:05

Mine would maybe a little bit heavier than yours. So why don't you go with your story first?

Samantha Pruitts 5:09

Okay. All right, mine's a bit gritty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is good because there's that's what so what happened. So I was in Seattle, we were talking on the phone, you're like, oh, this just happened. And you know, at the end of what you shared about your story, I was like, wow, I've

The Airport Meltdown And Meaning

Samantha Pruitts 5:24

I I've been in that, you know, like we were talking about how like we could relate to it in each other. And so for me, I was traveling. So I normally when I travel, I'm just like, because I love to travel, right? Totally enjoy it. Like I've I look at the whole airport experience because I've been in so many. So, you know, it's not a it's not a upsetting thing for me. A lot of people like they get, you know, airport uh like they haven't even left their house and they're already, you know, hyperventilating, yeah, and like the anxiousness of like security, things that they're not used to, right? Where my brain's like, done this enough, know the scenarios, you know, whatever. And I leave in plenty of time, all those things. So, but yesterday there was a moment, well, there were two moments in the last couple days, one leaving, going towards Seattle, and one coming back with some air, uh, not airport security, the people at the gate, the gate, whatever. So I had a carry-on, and then I had like a little suitcase, and then I had like my bag, my briefcase bag, and then I had a Trader Joe's cooler bag type thing, which was my food. You know, I had some snacks for the plane and stuff like that, because it was like this big long journey I was on, you know. And I get to the gate, and I think I'm the last person getting on the plane. Actually, I think I wasn't both times, because I like to get on last because I don't like to sit on the plane for very long. So I I get on, or I'm like trying to get on, and she's like, Oh, you have too many bags, and you have to have only two is the maximum. I was like, She's like, Can that be combined? Those two, like the little carry-on ones that I had, the smaller bag, the Trader Joe's, whatnot. And I was like, Well, like, I mean, I could like shove all this stuff into my suitcase bag, but my computer's there, and you know, it's food and whatnot, you know, blueberries and all sorts of stuff. So I started to do that, and you know, I'm like pulling it and I'm annoyed. So, like, that's my trigger, is like, you know, you and I were talking about like where does this come from? But anyway, so like in the moment, I'm like frustrated, I'm like, I just want to get on the plane. I'm like, just let me get on the plane. I'm gonna put it back in this bag after you I leave you, you know, like whatever person, right?

Polly Mertens 7:25

So it's a WTF moment.

Samantha Pruitts 7:27

Yeah, it's just like really, like it's just, you know, and so as I'm like annoyed, I and so I'm looking at them like smoke's coming on my ear. Not that bad, but but you know, I was just like, Yeah, why are you making me do this? So I start putting my food on, and then she's like, Oh, hold up. Oh, I didn't know it was food. You can have it in a bit. And I was like, oh, and then I'm more annoyed, right? And then I'm like, you're just you know, I feel like, oh, why did you just do this to me? You know, so like more annoyance, right? So anyway, I go down the gangplank and I was pretty washed of it by the time I got on the plane. A little bit of like little sparks, but the but it was gone, right? And coming back, similarly, they're rushing us because the plane is late. And so they're wanting us to get on the plane as fast as possible. And I'm like in line, I'm the last person, and they're like, oh, your boarding pass isn't working this and that. And so there's all of a sudden there's this little bit of commotion because I have to rerun my boarding pass and get on fast. And oh, you have another bag, and I was like, Oh, well, they told me it was okay, and no, no, no, you gotta like combine things, and so and I had an apple and a bottle of water in that second bag, right? So, again, annoyed. Annoyed, triggered, triggered frustration, triggered my, I want to do what I want to do, don't tell me what to do, you know, all that those little right. And so I start putting the apple in the water, and then I'm and then I like crumpled up the bag, and I'm just like, okay, fine, you know, and I walk 10 feet on the gangplank or whatever, and there's a line. There's like 30 people outside of the plane pushing and rushing and yeah, they're like, You gotta go, you gotta go. And I was like, oh, then I'm more annoyed.

Polly Mertens 8:59

Right.

Samantha Pruitts 8:59

So I stop and the gal in front of me saw the whole thing going on, and she was like frustrated for me, or you know, like felt for me, kind of thing. And I was like, whatever. So I take my bag out and I'm starting to put the water and the apple in the bag. The gate attendant comes, sees me doing this from like 15 feet down the gangplane, and he's like, Come with me. You're we're gonna reassign you, or we're gonna rebook you or something on a later flight. Like, it's gonna penalize me. And I was like, So then drama, like whatever you want to call it, helplessness shows up and and and annoyed and defensive. I was like, I'm not, I'm getting on this freaking plane. I'm already gonna be home at like one o'clock in the morning. If I catch this flight, you know, to hell you're gonna reassign me. And I and I I was like, I'm just it's just water and an apple, you know, and I and anyway, so that all got worked out, but it's still all that energy, all that frustration, all that annoyance and stuff like that could, you know, and so as you and I were saying, so what happens later for those of us that are self-aware is we get annoyed that we're annoyed, right? Right, yeah, exactly. So this like spiritual, you know, Buddha in me is like, why did I just get so annoyed? Why did I just get so triggered and stuff? Why, you know, and so I've you know, I spent all this energy trying to look inside it. But so that's my story. Do you want to share yours now?

Polly Mertens 10:16

Using that story, let's just downpack it a little bit for the listeners. So, really, what we're saying in terms of this triggering is it wasn't about the persons who were, you know, critiquing your food choices or questioning why you had food or whatever. Like it wasn't about, they were just trying to do their

Capacity And Expecting The Unexpected

Polly Mertens 10:35

job. Right. Certain rules, they're following the rules. Some people can be a little overzealous with rule, you know, following or whatever, but it doesn't matter. That's just who they are in the world, and that's what they need to do. Right.

Samantha Pruitts 10:49

Yeah, safety first.

Polly Mertens 10:50

Yes, exactly. But the triggering element is how somebody trying to do that with you in those circumstances and how it was done and how it was communicated and whatever caused a different reaction in you. And so what we want to say to the listener to kind of be thinking about for themselves in that scenario or different circumstances, you know, is what about that moment caused a reaction or a bigger reaction than need be, for example, right? Because it wasn't a your your your life was in danger over this water and apple or whatever. We were laughing with each other about how we might have done it differently or whatever, because it's you can do all kinds of hilarious things in those moments. But how can you keep yourself calm, cool, and collected so you don't get triggered in those circumstances? It really that's the biggest challenge for all of us humans, isn't it? Because we all have old stories, we all have old scars, and I really liked that one description about the map, you know, like almost we'll come back to that. Yeah, yeah, and and how it wasn't about this bag full of a water and an apple at all.

Samantha Pruitts 11:59

Yeah, so two things I would say to your point. One is because I love what you just said, because it made me more aware of something that I have studied in the past. So in that moment, uh I was present to the beliefs, the expectations, the story I had myself that I should be able to get on this damn plane with a bag of fruit, you know, like to hell. Well, there was the rebellion, to hell with your two-bag fucking minimum. You know, like really, you know, like I'm not, you know, it's a stupid rule. I refuse it. Yes. Right. So there's there's that was like what was triggered was the don't tell me what to do. Your rule is stupid. Like, I like getting away with stuff that not other people can get away with, whatever they're all those little mini beliefs and stuff. And I also noticed like I wasn't in like my Zen place. Like, I I don't know why necessarily. Like I like on a different day, if that had happened, I'm trying to think if that's happened to me before. I don't remember this specifically, like the two-bag minimum thing type of thing. Because I often don't carry on anything, like I usually like check everything and I just have like one carry-on, if you will. So this was this was a new experience for me. So but my other thought was you said, how could you know, how is knowing that scenarios of all flavors and sorts show up in either places that you don't know, right? So like being just curious and open, like, wow, I'm I'm now traveling with a carry-on. I don't usually travel with a carry-on. I wonder if there's things that I'm gonna bump into that I'm not familiar with, you know. So like I could have just been in a space of curiosity. I could have prepared myself in a space of curiosity or lightness or kindness. So, you know, whether that's a meditational intention, you know, like how you go into a space and stuff. But I was carrying the intention of like, I'm getting on that plane and I'm I'm carrying my bags and I need this food with me, and blah, blah, blah, you know, all these things, trying to get away with something that in their world was outside of what they ex you know, they allow.

Polly Mertens 14:01

So you went into that circumstance without full capacity for expecting the unexpected, having the curiosity, etc. So that's a capacity issue, right? Like we can go into any circumstances. Hell, we get out of bed. Do we have capacity for the day? Phone rings, first text of the day. Oh, geez.

Samantha Pruitts 14:24

Totally, totally, dude.

Polly Mertens 14:26

And it's because every day at any given moment, you know, we have a different capacity for life. That's just how I perceive it. And it ebbs and flows based on so many things. It can be, did I get a good night's sleep? Am I hungry? Am I tired? Am I lonely? It can't be those things. And it can just be a general like load on the human, is how I normally see it show up, either for myself or with people that I'm working with, is like, okay, yo, you just got way too much load. Like, yeah, sure. You have the capacity of a freaking freight train or a garbage truck or whatever, but it doesn't mean that truck it should be full and things should be overflowing, right? Then there is no capacity for what could go wrong or right, what could be different, what could be a curiosity or a new adventure or a new learning or whatever. You just don't simply have the capacity or the bandwidth, you know. Yeah.

Samantha Pruitts 15:21

So it could be riding the line.

Polly Mertens 15:22

You're riding the line.

Samantha Pruitts 15:23

It could be like a one-time or just a whole I would call I was like, yeah, I was gonna say like an intention or an attitude, you know. So one of the things that morning meditation, and it's funny, some of the things you were talking about. I know we want to go into the science a little bit later, so I'm not gonna go too much into that, but I was sleep deprived, you know, like I had a 3:30 a.m., you know, first flight, and you know, and then all you know, things like that. And this was like almost well, it was 8 p.m., the second flight or whatnot. But you know, I'd had a long day of like meeting and blah, blah, blah, whatever. So yeah. So there was, you know, some factors. So I think capacity is one thing, meaning like how much do you have on your plate? And and we can talk from a neuroscience perspective. I can share about from the hypnotherapy, like what your brain has capacity for and then just gets overloaded by. You're more easily susceptible and overloaded when you haven't had full three rounds of REM sleep. We'll we'll talk about it. Anyway, okay.

Polly Mertens 16:14

So let's I would say, yeah, sleep and food are biggies that people completely ignore. Back to the nervous system. So do we want to touch bases on that before I give my own.

Samantha Pruitts 16:25

No, we were just sort of like we're unpacking this in a totally different way. We're like, oh my god, we gotta like throw this in now. Like, this is important. We just have to do it. We must say this now. We're we're we're emotionally uh empowered, like triggered to like express like here, you need to hear this now.

Polly Mertens 16:47

Well, so okay, so I had a situation and I was texting with you this morning. Like, I'm still, it was a couple days ago now, whatever it is. Yeah, and I'm still carrying around the nervous system charge. So I'm not like ruminating about it or really consciously thinking about it, but

When A Boundary Breach Hits Deep

Polly Mertens 17:06

there's an undercurrent in my nervous system that's carrying that energy into other places and experiences and conversations and relationships that I'm having. So it's like this energy vortex almost that I kind of dropped into with my experience of being triggered. And then now I'm trying to flush through it, like flush the toilet is kind of this is what I'm getting. But that energetic swirly, swirly bob moment. What would you how would you describe that?

Samantha Pruitts 17:37

Well, I want to talk, you know, but first I'd love for you to share. Let's put the story in in now just so people can relate to the story that you want to share about, and then we'll talk about, you know, like the how it occurred for you and how the last couple of days have been and what what some of that is.

Polly Mertens 17:51

So share, share the yeah, however much of the moment. Oh, excuse me, I will share it tactfully because I don't want to get too nitty gritty about it. But basically, I'm out in the world all the time, as you know, and most people will know who know me. And I'm always meeting people, like literally meeting strangers, talking to strangers all of the time. I have a big expansive world like that, whether it is in person or online or whatever. I'm very, very comfortable with that. Like, have no stuff around that. However, that was violated in a way, and that's what triggered me.

Samantha Pruitts 18:30

With or you allowed yourself to be triggered by this experience. Yeah.

Polly Mertens 18:35

Right, exactly. So I met a human being, a male human being, in an environment that was very safe and comfortable or whatever. We made a connection talking about running, talking about ultra-running specifically, all the things that I love. It was a very natural experience. And then that person came back into my space. I met them again, we talked again, and basically it was all about ultra running and running running because they were getting ready to do that. And I am passionate as hell about it. Anyone who knows me knows that. So great connection, good conversation, fun. They had asked for my phone number to be able to get more tips, advice, or whatever. Well, I'm a coach. This is literally what I do for a living, very comfortable with that, also. No qualms, happy to do it. Let's talk it through. And there was an injury. So basically, we were kind of talking through the injury and how to get through the race, survive the race, if you will, with this injury. And it was fun and light and all the things. But a couple days later, basically, that person reached back out to me, started a texting conversation, which seemed benign enough initially. And so we were talking about the injury and other things, but very quickly that conversation went south and became a sexually charged, inappropriate conversation. And I had to shut it down, which I did. And I was crystal clear about how I was communicating, the inappropriateness, et cetera. But it did a thousand percent trigger me. A thousand percent. Not that I felt unsafe or that whatever. I mean, I definitely did feel disrespected, a hundred percent. Yes, I did, but that was hugely triggering for me. And so basically I stepped back while I shut it down, of course, and then I stepped back and gave was giving thought to wow, this is really bringing up some shit.

Samantha Pruitts 20:21

And what was so what was your emotions? What was the state that you felt? Give us like two or three of the emotions that were showing up.

Polly Mertens 20:28

Mostly pissed off, pissed off, anger, and then disrespected for sure. Those were like my two hot buttons, if you will. And then I will say there was an underlying post when I thought about it, post-event, post-conversation or whatever, of lack of safety or need to make myself feel safe quickly, right? Like my my instinctual primal self did go there very quickly too, right? Like, hey, is there a safety breach here? Do I need to, you know, I need to check this, that kind of thing. So those three things happen in a very rapid session.

Samantha Pruitts 21:06

Just like whoosh, like wash over you.

Polly Mertens 21:08

Boom, boom, boom.

Samantha Pruitts 21:09

Yeah. So when you were talking about the, you know, like, so that was maybe Tuesday, I think, Monday or Tuesday that that happened, and this is Thursday that we're recording this. And so a couple days have happened, and you're like you said, there's still stuff in your energetic body or whatnot. So let's start to unpack, you know, there's different stories, theories, people out there who have studied this from a lot of different angles. So maybe we start to introduce some of those people, like you're one of your favorite people, Dr. Kabor Mate. I think we can talk about his work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Polly Mertens 21:42

Well, I want to just close down that story real quick. Okay. Basically, the next day the other person apologized, and I had given great thought to how I felt about what had transpired. And I very crystal clearly delivered a concise message, offering some compassion to the breach of the human, but not forgiving in any way or excusing in any way, absolutely calling it like what it was, speaking my truth and standing tall and strong in my own self and wisdom. But just so people know, like that I just handled that moment. However, that person responds and boundary.

Samantha Pruitts 22:18

Yeah.

Polly Mertens 22:19

But it really did liberate me. I felt totally liberated from that particular experience, like you with the plane. By the time you had sat down and calmed yourself and whatever, it moved on. It washed off. It washed off. But there is this little bit of residual energy for me, not related to that humor, that story, but that trigger still has an energy or a spark to it that's floating around. And I'm kind of bumping into it a little bit and trying to navigate that now.

Samantha Pruitts 22:53

Yeah. Well, I think I want to point out when you and I had a call the day after this happened, you know, the morning after, and you hadn't checked your phone to see, you hadn't communicated back the boundary, you hadn't seen any anything from him about apology and stuff like that. So that where you and I stood when we were having that conversation was, you know, just present to the the experience that you're having, like the unsafe, the pissed off, the, you know, and and we we went a little bit, you know, we blew this up to like women shouldn't have to, you know, well, because it did open a doorway of awareness, which I have great appreciation for, by the way.

Polly Mertens 23:32

And of course, as I say, this is all the curriculum, right? This exactly, and that's what we were talking about.

Samantha Pruitts 23:37

So I wanted to just you, I wanted you to introduce about like Earth School and how we look at it. So, like, that's what you you and I immediately go into, oh, here's today's curriculum.

Polly Mertens 23:47

Like, and we had a good sense of humor. Yeah, sure, we were pissed off and ranting a little bit, but we were also laughing our asses off. It's like, this is how it fucking shows up, dude. This is the curriculum.

Samantha Pruitts 23:56

Exactly. Exactly. So, what what you say

Trauma, Earth School, And Old Circuits

Samantha Pruitts 23:59

what you mean by that? Just like, you know, what does that mean to you and me? What is curriculum, you know, earth school curriculum? Yeah.

Polly Mertens 24:05

Well, we're all humans in this earth school, you know, we're all here for a reason, which is to continue to evolve ourselves, ideally. And in that, I mean getting to know thyself, understand thyself. So then you can understand your place in the world and how you're connected to all living things and this planet and all of that stuff. I mean, to me, that's all part of the curriculum. But these things that happen, and sometimes they do look like triggers, are very informational. Little bits of schooling, if you will, around like, wow, holy shit, what just happened and how did that show up for me? Why is that a thing, right? Or why are any of these circumstances major or minor, whether it's getting on the plane with a food bag or having something a little more extreme, like my situation's pretty dicey, right? Why do they fire us off? And you and I quickly were able to talk through and unpack together like our own experiences of being women in the world and being seen in a certain way, and being, you know, navigated with other species or the opposite sex in a certain way, and what our experience maybe was when we were younger and growing up and becoming a woman and all of that stuff. I mean, there's a lot of weight to these things in some instances. They're pretty major things for us to have connection to as an integrated piece or a wound or a map within our physical body, our somatic body, connected to the emotional trigger or the experience response.

Samantha Pruitts 25:39

Yeah, and I think one thing we want to point to, and maybe I'll read a little bit about Dr. Gabor Mate, but you and I both were able to recognize because we've done a lot of this work and we've been in school. You know, it continues, you know, maybe this is just another summer school or something like that, right? But we recognize, oh, this is because of something else, right? And I just want to read something from about Dr. Gabor Mate's work because this ties it together. So his distinction is trauma is not what happened to you, it's what happened inside you as a result, right? The same event can shatter one person and roll off another. You know, so somebody could be like bumping around, not necessarily this one, but like the original event is what, you know. So depending on the internal landscape at that time. So let's introduce something that we've talked about in other episodes, but in case you haven't heard those, so he identifies two types of trauma, and you may have heard this because it's becoming more socially like aware. There's a big T trauma, the capital T trauma, abuse, assault, loss of your parent, violence, you know, something let's call it major happens to you. And then what he was beautiful about introducing is there's lots of small T trauma, right? Lowercase T trauma. So it could look like unmet needs as a child, it could look like emotional dismissal, it could look like chronic disapproval, like never measuring up, or just not being seen, you know, like parents weren't there, you know. Let's us lashkey kids, right?

Polly Mertens 27:01

So we know not having a need met, and we all have needs.

Samantha Pruitts 27:05

Yeah. And so what he leans on is saying that the small tea traumas are responsible for most of the triggers that we're all walking around with. You know, I mean, yeah, some people have got the big T's and you know, and and they probably, you know, work to protect those and and evolve those, if you will. But a lot of us are just walking around from varying degrees of loving families and have small T's show up, you know, and it's and one of the things I wanted to tack on to something you said about Earth School being the curriculum, and it's like we're here to, you know, evolve. You know, I've been studying a lot of Ram Das lately, and you've been studying a lot of Buddhism and stuff. And I don't, I don't know that I know the answer to this. One of my favorite uh authors, and we'll talk a little bit about his work, Michael Singer. They all sort of point to the idea of either the human being at peace, so anything that takes us out of peace or well-being or groundedness or centeredness, that's the path to enlightenment, is like none of this bothers us, you know. And at the end of life, right, you would see that those people who are at the end of life don't have these same triggers, you know, they're just in a space of pure oneness and pure like equanimity, and you're me and I'm you, right? Like so the things that our stories and our mental mind make up. So, but a lot of this, the foundation of these things is because we're not totally free. We are human beings, and we have this two million-year-old brain and how it works, right? And it stores things, right? So in Mate's, Dr. Mate's work, he says it fires abandonment circuits. That's what he calls them. They're brain patterns formed when we're little. You know, we all say it's all from our childhood, when we felt unsafe or unseen examples, and we suddenly reactivated by something in the present, right? So as we're little, we were either ignored, we weren't seen, we were dismissed, we were, you know, told we're not good enough, whatever. Or we interpreted we were not good enough by the way our parents reacted or, you know, treated us. And in the moment today, as adults, that's still inside of us. You, you know, you said, why am I, is it kind of swimming inside of us? And there's we're gonna talk about a couple of different theories and look at this. So he's saying, you know, that's in your body somewhere, right? And we'll talk about like the body keeps the score and it's somatic. And his, I maybe we'll go into like how how they we'll go into how to work with these things. I'll introduce one of my favorite books was the Untethered Soul, Michael Singer. And his language for what Dr. Bohr Mate is talking about is he calls them some scaras, which are like thorns in the body, right? So he's he has this way of talking like thoughts are just constant, they're like air bubbles or like little bubbles floating through life, right? And so like in a cartoon. In a cartoon, right? So like a bubble floats in, you hear something, you see something, you experience something, and it's like, and just let it float on, like a cloud passing through the sky, right? So I remember this one that I heard recently is like, you are the sky, and thoughts or things that happen to you are like clouds passing over it. But we think that those clouds are real. It's like, no, you're the you're the sky, you're the thing that these thoughts, these experiences happen within, like who you really are, our identity. We we take on, you know, why why this triggers us, why we get upset and then we get justifying, or me, I'm like righteous, like I should be able to take two bags on. It's right, like we get a stance, you know, instead of being like, I'm the sky and you're just doing your job, like, okay, no worries, right?

Polly Mertens 30:38

But I have a the way I interpret how these things become so hot, you know, and take on a life of their own, literally energetically, you're like take us over. Yeah, is that the human, whether it's me or whatever, their sense of belonging is threatened. It's literally their sense of belonging is threatened. It is a safety and security threat to the human called you. And it doesn't seem like it would be, especially carrying water and an apple on board. But actually, yes, it is or can be perceived as a threat to that sense of belonging, you know, and to me, that's at the root of it, at the root of it, you know, whether there's trauma associated to it or not, you know, and however people perceive trauma in their life and how to be able to work with it and navigate with it. I know we're gonna get into, but you know, if you don't have actual like emotional fitness or you know, spiritual spiritual audacity or whatever the things are that you and I have, okay, because we do have both spiritual audacity, which is a whole fun thing to talk about on another podcast, and emotional fitness, navigating these things when they arrive is very difficult. Very difficult because there is that physiological reaction before the psychological reaction. Like when I experienced my thing, my body just reacted before my brain was even really processing what was occurring, you know, before my intellect could get involved and rationalize or not rationalize, right? My body was like, whoa, there's a fire in the building. What the fuck? Right.

Samantha Pruitts 32:23

Yeah, yeah. So let's talk, let's go into the science behind this. So there is an amazing little video that I saw. This was probably like 10 years ago, and I've shared it many, many times in classrooms that I've led when people just to help them understand, you know, what goes on behind this eyeball and these ears, and you know, like the interpretation, right? Like you hear something, right? And how is it filtered through the brain, in the brain?

Amygdala Hijack And The 90-Second Wave

Samantha Pruitts 32:46

It's not just like, oh, because we've know, you know, two people see the same car accident, different response, whatever. Totally different. Two people grew up in the same household, turn out differently in life. Two people look at, you know, somebody says something, they go, so what? And you go, what you you don't think that that's horrible? You know, like, you know, it's it's all what's between the ears and how it's being so science-wise, when you talked about, you know, like this fire and like you're just fueled up, right? So a word for that they talk about called the I call it emotionally hijacked, but it's another phrase is amygdala hijack, right? Because it's hormones, it's chemical, it's the chemical factory that's like yeah, hold up. So that like the amount of like timing of this thing. So like the thing comes, this the the waves come in through your ear, it's interpreted. Thought happens in the brain that interprets the sound, those wavelengths, if you will, translates that through the lens of your life experience. Like it goes through the brain and goes, is that you know, fight or flight? Like, what is this? Is this something we should be scared of? Right, gives you a response, goes through the amygdala, sends out chemicals 12 milliseconds.

Polly Mertens 33:55

12 milliseconds. Yeah, that is craziness right there.

Samantha Pruitts 34:00

Yeah. So before the thinking brain is even online, like you did. That's why it's called hydrogen.

Polly Mertens 34:05

The reason it's 12 milliseconds is because the human had to survive. Yeah. So primal, there was not time to fuck around and give thought or analyze circumstances. Y'all best run now. Okay. And then later, when we're done being chased by the lion, we can sit in the savannah under the tree and like contemplate what strategize. How the hell do I get out of here?

Samantha Pruitts 34:27

You know, that's what starts to happen. It's like, oh, you know, and so when you, you know, in that moment when the they're trying to rebook me on a flight, and I go into, oh hell, you are. I'm like, no, like my my safety is threatened, or whatever you want to call it. Like, I gotta get home and you're gonna take me from getting home, you know? And so, and I just don't, I don't have access to the oh no, no, no, it's just an apple, you know, like like the we're gonna get upset and I'm gonna get rebooked by an apple. You really want that on social media, you know, like exactly right. That that's not the that's not where I was, right? Because 12 milliseconds happened. Rebooked me because I was carrying an apple in a bag. Wow. Anyway, so you can't think yourself out in real time. That's why, you know, especially in emotional, sorry, in relationships, you know, when way something comes in through the ears and we interpret it in a way, that person made me angry, that person upset, no, no, no, no, no.

Polly Mertens 35:29

Disrespected me. This person disrespected me. So I kind of don't know about that. Didn't you know?

Samantha Pruitts 35:35

Exactly. All they did like in so I was telling you that in my year in TMLP, landmark work, my team management and leadership program, we did a lot of work on this, right? Because it was a communication, it was one year about communication. And one of the ways that they would train you or like distill it down is there's just breath and sound waves coming out of their mouth. That's all that that's all that's happening in that moment is like air and sound waves are coming out of their mouth. And if you went, fuck, that's really all that's ever going on. That's all that's ever going on. It's like like breath and sound waves. And then all this other stuff, you know, and be like, how long have I known this person and is this a threat and all this stuff happens inside of us, right? And they call it inside of our listening. I say it's inside of you know our paradigm, our perspective, or the stories that were stored in our brain and our body, you know, subconsciously, is what it's bouncing up against, you know.

Polly Mertens 36:33

Yeah, yeah. And in our Buddhist world, you know, we would very quickly and closely look at the other, whoever is doing the talking and the uh mandating or whatever shenanigans they're up to, is like without any attachment to what is coming from the other, huh? We're gonna simply have awareness and observe. It's called a noting practice. Oh, I observe this, I observe that. Okay. So that that pause and that air, if you will, that we breathe into the moment. And then with again, without judgment or attachment, just that other person is doing them. Okay, so to the best of their ability, which might be very minimal cat capabilities humaning on the other side of this table or whatever all, they're doing them, and that's not about me.

Samantha Pruitts 37:24

Yeah, yeah. And so a couple of things I just want absolutely and I just want to throw in here. So we talked about the amygdala hijacking, and so what happens is, you know, the sound wave comes in, gets interpreted by the brain like so fast, right? The emotional flooding. Okay, so the amygdala is, and I think it's hypothalamus too, for some reason.

Polly Mertens 37:43

The library where all the nasty stuff is at.

Samantha Pruitts 37:46

Yeah. So basically, what happens is your bloodstream, a chemical factory, gets released. We interpret it as a feeling or an emotion, right? So anxiety, adrenaline, you know, all these areas of the body that it hits, right? If you go into fight or flight, we know that like the heart rate goes up, you know, blood goes to the extremity, so you can run or you can fight, right? You it shuts down digestion. So emotional flooding is what happens. And I just want to point out that that initial like thing happened interpreted by the brain, 12 milliseconds, the flood happens, chemicals get released, you experience it as an emotion, whether it's punch that person in the face or, you know, or like I want to rebel and like get on the plane or whatever we want to do. 90 seconds is all those chemicals are probably gonna last in the body, depending on how long that experience was or how long you were even focused on that thing, right? Like if you were like whatever and you walked away, like maybe it's 20 seconds, maybe it's 30 seconds, right? Up to 90 seconds. Those so I would you, you know, so in my work with addiction and helping people with, you know, emotional floods around food and addiction triggers and things like that. I would say, you know, if you can sit out that wave, if you can just sit ride that wave of that flood, guess what? On the other side of it is like calm water, right? Like we go back to our homeostasis. So, and it's amazing. We don't think it's gonna end. You know, when we're in it, we don't think it's gonna end. Because what are we focused on? What are we, you know, we're just like jamming the circuitry, if you will.

Polly Mertens 39:16

Well, let me point out what many of us do. I'm not speaking for myself right now. Oh no. Yes. But so the 90 seconds, you know, it's processing this experience. And rather than let it pass and freedom and liberation being on the other side. Oh no, we pour gasoline on it.

Samantha Pruitts 39:34

Let me text somebody about that. Oh, wait, did you see?

Polly Mertens 39:36

Let me tell you what this person just did, or do you know? Yeah, we've got our phone. We start to react, we do all these things that are basically oh, put a little more gasoline on that fire. Oh, it looks like it's smoldering, it might go out soon. Nope, not having it. Keep right? Totally. Totally. And by the way, we can do this for years and our entire lifetime in many relationships. Oh my gosh.

Samantha Pruitts 40:01

Well, we're not going to get into, I mean, we could totally do a whole episode on the addiction to the emotional chemicals, right? Because that becomes a thing, right? So if you grew up in a household where chemicals were flying, like I think my mom grew up in a household where like fear, fear, fear, or whatever, the states that I see her in, it became her adopted norm, right? And your body will adapt, just like it will adapt to extra weight, it will adapt to an extra you you've seen it, you know, you live in the warm desert, then your body gets cool, you know, it's just adapts, right? You are used to eating crappy food or smoking or whatever to keep you alive, it will adapt. Same with emotional regulation, like you have a different thermostat and it wants that quote home. So it's for another episode, but so yeah, whatever. So emotional flooding happens and it's her survival state pretending, and you put you're pretending to have a conversation, but guess what? You're just hijacked, you know. And you're right, you said it lives in the nervous system, right?

Polly Mertens 40:57

So yes, it does. Oh, yes, it does. It's an energy within the nervous system.

Samantha Pruitts 41:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Polly Mertens 41:03

So I was talking to you during that thing, and I was like, I'm gonna go to the gym. Um lift the ways, we'll crush the things. And actually, then I finished that conversation with you, and I did feel a good sense of relief and was already kind of working through things, and I was like, Oh, you know what? That's actually not what I need right now. I didn't go to the gym, even though I was parked in the parking lot with my door literally open. I closed said door, and then I drove to the nearest trailhead and I went out into nature for an hour. Totally recalibrated. Totally.

Samantha Pruitts 41:37

So good, so good. I want to introduce two other bits of like let's say the science or different angles that we can take on this. One is there's a great book out there. I know you have another one, but the body keeps the score. We're talking about the somatic,

The Body Keeps The Score

Samantha Pruitts 41:49

and then I also want to talk about hypnotherapy. Yeah, if you're watching the video of this, Samantha's got the book, but that's a long time great book, right? Unbelievable.

Polly Mertens 41:58

This is this work is life-changing. Okay, well, there's the next one. I've got two more here.

Samantha Pruitts 42:04

Well, and then hypnotherapy. So, well, that's because uh the background that I have and whatnot. So with Peter Levine, who wrote Somatic Experiencing, and I I may butcher this name, but Bessel van der Koelk, the body keeps the score, that's the author of that book. They made the same argument that triggers are not stored in the mind, they're stored in the body.

Polly Mertens 42:23

And and of course, my favorite human in the world right now.

Samantha Pruitts 42:27

Is that Gorora Mate? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When the body says no, such a good book, such good book. So you want to really dive into that. I mean, like, depending on how far deep you want to go into this, there's just there's so much.

Polly Mertens 42:38

If you want to heal, you might want to get one of these. I mean just get started, right?

Samantha Pruitts 42:42

So, you know, they point out that, you know, like animals in the wild, when they're facing life-threatening circumstances, you know, they don't develop this trauma. This is a this is a totally human experience, right? That we like carry these things. Like I was talking about Michael Singer says they're like some scars, like these bubbles are just floating by. And in that moment, if that thing wasn't something, like you said, in our curriculum we're supposed to study, and then we fucking hold on to it for 20, 30, 40 years, whatever our lifetime, it's like wanting to be released, wanting to be healed. And you and I were saying when you were texting me that morning, you're like, look at this classroom I'm in. Oh my God, I'm I hadn't thought about this, you know, area of the school district for all, you know, school building for a long time. I was like, oh, I guess you're like revisiting that because one thing where you said is like it wants to be healed, it wants to be released, it wants to be transformed. You don't want to be like walking around with that little thorny, like raw, like somebody touches you with sandpaper and you're like, ow, ow, ow, right? You don't want to be that emotionally hijacked all the time. So heal that, you know.

Polly Mertens 43:42

And the reason animals aren't, of course, is that you know their cognitive capabilities are completely different than the human. And then additionally, after they were chased by the lion, right, and survived, they all animals they shake. So their nervous system releases that experience, that somatic energy. And literally they'll just be in position, shaking, shaking, shaking until it's released from the body and then it's gone. It doesn't get stored into the memory bank, right? So I have to walk around every day now looking at every lion. Are you a lion? Are you a lion? Are you a lion? Are you a lion? Mm-hmm. Yeah, for the just one thing.

Samantha Pruitts 44:22

Yeah. Yeah. So I I would say that these triggers or these traumas or little tees or whatever that are I think they are stored in our body. Because I'll say that my work in hypnotherapy taught has shown me not only learning about it, but also seeing it with my clients and how the mental. So, you know, and there's even work these days that are saying like it's not even up in our brain, like these synapses and things that we think we have. It's like actually, like our memories aren't stored in our head. It's not like it's inside of our head, it's out in the universe, and we just are a receiver for it. So that's another episode. But but I do find that like it gets stored in the body. And you and I, I think would say like where it's stored is probably like a weakness area. And Ayurvedic would say then that's where disease is gonna happen. You know, it's usually no surprise, like, oh, somebody's got ovarian cancer. You know, and that's the work of what's her name with the sh uh the well there there's science, there's real science on all this stuff now.

Polly Mertens 45:20

I mean, uh so autoimmune because I have autoimmune, and I could possibly have another one we're exploring now. Like that's absolutely what's happening. Absolutely, yes, on a cellular level, deep inside my little cells and mitochondria, right? Over time, some things happened, and eventually my body's chronic response to those circumstances, those experiences, that triggering or trauma or whatever, has a physical eventually has a physical manifestation. I mean, there's science, isn't it? You and I are not just making this shit up now.

Samantha Pruitts 45:52

Yeah, it like fries the nervous, the endings of the nerve system.

Polly Mertens 45:56

It changes everything, right? Gut microbiome has changed, pH body balance is changed, cellular health is either eroded or not, inflammation goes up, like all the things. Forty percent more receptors in the stomach and belly of cortisol alone. 40% of course I'm gonna have belly fat.

Samantha Pruitts 46:18

Yeah, yeah. So, so from the work of hypnotherapy, we look at it, you know, like, and neuroscience is like, you know, we often think that they say neurons that

Rewiring With Hypnotherapy And NLP

Samantha Pruitts 46:29

fire together, wire together, right? So how that looks like in your life is like the one I used to teach my patients and clients about a lot, especially the food ones, is the scenario looks like when you're a child, and I don't know many birthdays you had that were celebrations and people came over to your house, and it was you know, fun experiences around birthdays, not the ones that went a little, you know, yeah. Happy birthdays. And what do they put in front of you when everybody's around and they're singing and all the eyes are in attention are on you? Most likely for most of us growing up, it was a big chocolate birthday cake, right? Or some whatever. For me, it was anyway. So all these years of associating friends, laughter, play, good time, center of attention, cake is introduced, right? Oh, yeah. So, how do I associate chocolate, cake? It's like a reward, a celebration, you know, right?

Polly Mertens 47:24

And I remember love and belonging.

Samantha Pruitts 47:27

Love and belong, all like layer all that stuff in, right? So you see cake, you see chocolate, whatever. Just like, you know, we talked about you can have this in a lot of sensory areas. You could have it in music. A song reminds you of a place or a person, right? It could be you go and visit some place and all the memories of that, you know, somatic experience, that that kinesthetic experience come back to you, right? So it's it's doesn't, it's not sensory dependent. It's it can come in. But that's what the brain is doing is it's associating, it's linking things up, it's tying things. So if you did it over and over again, right? So, you know, it and this can work for you and it can work against you. You know, you can have things that you were repelled by. Like I know I used to have a black dog, and I remember I was living in the South for a while, and how many black people were afraid of my black dog. And I was like, wow, but it was like they associated the black dog with danger or attack or something like that, where he's the sweetest little dog ever. Or not little, but I mean he's a big, you know, black lab, but black dog to them was like fear, no good. They would walk on the other side of the sidewalk and like, wow, he's so sweet, you know, right? And we can have those things that are good. Like you have a positive, you and I have a positive association to going to the gym or getting out on a trail or working up a sweat or doing something hard and challenging because we know, you know, the the other side. Where some people are like, hell no, I don't want to, you know. So that's what neuros, so that neuroassociative binding, conditioning, linking up. And that's where in hypnotherapy we break those links, right? So you've linked up something that you don't want to, you know, like if you have an addiction, you've linked up for my a lot of my eating clients. Eating is pleasure, it relieves stress, it you know, relieves loneliness, it whatever, right? So that gets linked up. So you've got to unhook that, right? And so these triggers that we talk about, those mini ones that are good, like, oh, I gotta go to the gym. Like you've linked up a good trigger to go to the gym. You're motivated. But when these things in our life happen, they trigger us in a not so good way because it reminds us of something from the past that got linked up.

Polly Mertens 49:29

Yeah, dogs now. This is an interesting, this is just my personal evolution, but being in this year to live course and life inventory and all these things that are in process, it's fascinating, by the way. We are revisiting. So, this last course, this last weekend was about in particular doing the life inventory, and everybody was kind of sharing how they're doing it or what it's bringing up for them.

Samantha Pruitts 49:52

Oh, I want to hear it, yeah.

Polly Mertens 49:53

And talk about triggering. Dang, girl. Okay. So I was like, wow, this is fascinating to listen to other people's experiences. And just how many people have a fear of even going there, even doing it, right? Because there's so much trauma or negative or pain or all these unresolved emotions and ideas around relationships and their life experience, right? And how to change that perspective so that you can open the doorway to that healing. So just for myself, one of the things that I have been doing quite a bit lately, you have awareness too, is examining and revisiting old relationships and old music and old places.

Samantha Pruitts 50:38

Yeah, you're doing a lot of this.

Polly Mertens 50:39

How I kind of did my, and everyone was like, Well, that's so interesting. Because I how I put mine together was okay, well, here is all the places I lived over my course, of course. Because by the way, it's very hard to remember some things, especially when you do have big T or little T flying around in your world, right? Your memory does not want to go there, it's gonna still continue to try and protect this human being here. So, where were all the places I lived? What were the relationships I had in these different places and times? So that's an evolution of you know, birth up to adulthood. That's a lot. I lived in a lot of places, by the way. Half of them, I was like, what the hell? I totally forgot I even lived there. And then these relationships, and then I put layers of like music and experience on top of that. So it's been a really beautiful collage, if you will, like a retrospective collage. And somebody, by the way, did do a collage, which I also thought was amazing with old pictures. Oh my god, that was phenomenal, like piece of artwork. Absolutely brilliant. And in that, you can do an incredible amount of healing because you go back into those places at your own accord, under your own devices, in a safe environment, supported or unsupported, however you want to do it. So for me, like I literally have been visiting some of these places that historically I would have had a lot of negative emotional experience or psychological expression around. And I diffused it. And it's crazy. That's so incredibly empowering. And I'm still doing that work now.

Samantha Pruitts 52:13

You went to those places, or you just like were sitting and like visualizing them or pictures.

Polly Mertens 52:18

No, I physically have gone to many of them. Oh now, of course, maybe you can't always do that, right? Yeah, but you can mentally, or with some really good coaching, you can go to those places and do that work. But for me, no, I've been physically visiting some of them, and that has been wild.

Samantha Pruitts 52:37

So good. Wow. You know, because it's it's so in the work of Tony Robbins, he talks about it as we have a reticular activating center, right? So something triggers us and it's always there. Like it always, you know, sends fires off the same signal. So he's about like interrupting that pattern, right? That's the first thing is like, oh, you know, like interrupting it in that moment so it doesn't fire and wire together, like it stops the signal and going, chocolate cake, eat it. Chocolate cake, feel good, right? You interrupt it and then you replace it. And this is the work, this is where NLP, neurolinguistic programming, is fucking brilliant, dude. Like repla and I also wanted to say, I love that you were talking about that in collages because your subconscious mind is often stored in pictures, right? Not just, it doesn't store words. It's not like this narrative that shit that's up in your brain. It's like snapshots, videos, you know, and they're literally stored as micro moments, like microfiche of like bink, bing, bing of what was happening and all the emotional stuff, all the sensory stuff is there with it. It's visual, but it's also the sensory comes. That's why you can hear a song, right? Like you see a place, like a whatever place that you enjoyed, and then the song plays in your your ear. So the collaging, that's awesome. And that's you know, and that's where talk therapy is not going to interrupt this stuff, right? I love, you know, it's it it just can't interrupt those because it's stored as pictures and videos with sensory stuff. So it can help you to revisit it and you know, like hypnotherapy is great about like putting you back in those scenarios and you can change that and then unpack and then with the intention, and this does require a great deal of skill, people, to disconnect, like you're saying, to disconnect those things, right? Mm-hmm for sure. And the work we were doing in so in the landmark courses last year, you know, it's all about communication. It's surprising how much it worked on these types of things. So they had a whole process, I it's called recreation, which doesn't exactly define it, but we do these exercises where you put yourself back in that space and people can act out the people that were there with you. You know, like we did this one where it was like if you know, like, for example, somebody would have an experience on a playground, right? And there were kids and they dropped the ball, or you know, and the kids started laughing, or somebody pushed them down and they cried, or whatever, you know, something, and there's a bunch of people around, right? And so that moment creates that experience. You can take them back in that experience and have, but in this adult, when they have access to the prefrontal cortex of an adult human, not a you know, young person, you can trans transmute the story, the experience of it. And NLP is all about that in like micro time, not like, you know, it's not like nine years of therapy. It's like, yeah, just some quick vision. It's fascinating. It's so good. So good.

Polly Mertens 55:29

And you know, you aren't that you and I are not suggesting or saying that everybody needs to revisit all of their traumas. We're not saying that this is what you need to be doing in order to fully get out.

Samantha Pruitts 55:39

Don't go walking around trying to dig all stuff up.

Polly Mertens 55:42

That's very intense. And in some cases, might not be the right path or choice for the human being, right? But there are so many things that we can undo, unravel that will give us so much more freedom to have, again, capacity for emotional fitness, capacity for, you know, awareness, awakening for all of the things that we just call liberation, freedom.

Samantha Pruitts 56:06

Yeah. So anything that throws you off that state, let's say, of peace or well-being, or like all is well. The work of Michael Singer, you know, somebody was asked him in a class one time, just what you were talking about. Like, okay, so I gotta go like clean up all this, you know, junk in my my stomach scars in me. He's like, oh no, life will just bring them in. You, you know, just like you know, like me at the airport, like, oh, guess I still have this one there, you know, right?

Polly Mertens 56:28

Here comes the curriculum. Here's the yeah, your classroom, class is open, class is in session. Here we go. Eyes open, eyes open, classroom open.

Samantha Pruitts 56:36

So let's just you know, leave them with a few things that we can actually do. So you know, part of is like naming it, right? The self-awareness that you talked about. Like for me, it was like, oh man, I'm freaking triggered, you know. So I call it emotionally hijacking, whatever, you know, but you know, label it like is basically look at it with courage. Be aware

Tools, Compassion, And Closing Takeaways

Samantha Pruitts 56:55

and look at it with courage. And don't make yourself wrong. Like unless you do some of that deeper work, or maybe there's some really key things that you do want to evolve. You know, you can't walk around just doing this work all the time, right? You can, but like don't go about it and like quit your job and do all this stuff unless you have some drowned in it. Right, right. But find it in the body first. Where is it? Breathe into it. There's lots of great somatic work that you can do, and then just do something to buy yourself that 90 seconds. I'm usually like, okay, I I gotta go in the other room because you know, I'm I'm hijacked, you know, or and don't exacerbate it, like you said. Don't start texting about it and talking, look at what this person did, right? So just get curious, you know, get curious about it.

Polly Mertens 57:39

And I would add to the curiosity piece, you know, if you want to ask yourself a simple question, what do I need to do now for me? What does love ask me to do for me?

Samantha Pruitts 57:52

Yeah, what can I learn here? Yeah, what can I discover here? Yeah. And I would say, you know, if you do want to do some of that work, like hypnotherapy is great, NLP, there's great somatic body work that you can do, collaging, that I've, you know, lots of things. And just know, like it is those neural pathways is what's causing the trigger. These things are linked up, right? So things that can help unlink them. And I what I've discovered from a lot of different teachers is they're not going to go away. It's not like that's never gonna be there. Some would say, I think it's like an old highway that gets abandoned. It's like, oh, there's like a distant memory, like, oh yeah, there used to be a like the road near my highway 46. I don't know if you know it, but they like moved it. And it's like, I can kind of still see a little bit of where like it used to be. I'm like, oh, I remember riding over there, but I don't drive over there. I don't like get off the road and like try and go down that highway anymore. So like your brain can get some new neural pathways. And then it's just about you conditioning that, you know? And so that's where, you know, like me, like with the chocolate and food, like I do, like I'm on a 30-day no sugar. I'm like, you know what? Hold up. That little neural pathway is firing way too like on the daily, and I don't want that, right? And that's if we have that sense of ability to regulate that, and it then I can that's good.

Polly Mertens 59:06

That's good. Yeah. And with the thing that I was mentioning, like I am a little bit on this mission because this is part of the curriculum, obviously, why this thing occurred to me and came up and created some awareness around it. I was like, huh, there is some old shit in this arena I need to heal. And then in addition to that, I want to feel empowered around this subject matter, around this experience for other girls and women. And you bet your sweet ass I will be doing that. So I will be using that in a positive way to do my work in the world.

Samantha Pruitts 59:41

Totally, totally. And and you know, what I love about what you're saying is like healing, uh, healing a trigger or, you know, working with a trigger isn't about never feeling it again. Like I said, that old highway, maybe it's just like an old thing. It's not about no longer being run by it. Like that's what we're, you know, like you're being empowered by it. You're like, I'm taking action in spite of it, or as a result of it, it's like, oh yeah, this is who I want to be more. And you and I were talking about, because I shared with you when you shared your story about that man, about how I was, it wasn't like an attack, but somebody, a man was inappropriate with me when I was a teenager, and it like shut down and it had me like cover my body because I didn't want to like send out this signal of I'm available, come, you know, be inappropriate with me, type of thing. And so, like, I'm not, you know, you and I were like, I want to wear what I want to wear, and I want to do what I want to do. And you can use your mouth to create a boundary or create, you know, an expression of yourself and not be, I was being run by it by covering myself up all the time because I don't want to invite that inappropriateness or that kind of male energy, if you will. So it's like, no, set ourselves free, right?

Polly Mertens 1:00:49

Yeah, that will not have power over me.

Samantha Pruitts 1:00:52

Mm-hmm. So good stuff. Good stuff. So what's your what's your one thing about today that you want people to to remember or take away?

Polly Mertens 1:01:03

I mean, well, I it comes from something that you said about how much time what was it, 12 milliseconds or whatever it was. Right. So I think that's a really important point to drive home is just the rapid succession of how your physical body and then your mental body, emotional body will respond to these circumstances. So don't make yourself wrong, right? Don't again compound or put gasoline on this by fueling it and feeling shame, embarrassment, like all of the things that also might happen by the fact that you have this that keeps coming up. And it is a form of, in my perspective, a form of suffering, right? So you're a human. This is how humans, this is how we work. You know, this is part of what we do in this show, is just to explain to people like, hey, this is how your body and brain work. And you know, sometimes they're working in your favor and sometimes they're not. So please give yourself endless compassion and love and just grace with us.

Samantha Pruitts 1:02:07

Yeah. Going back to Gabor Mate, he says, compassionate inquiry. So I would say, because I started judging myself about, you know, I was like, oh, I got pissed off at that really nice agent, or maybe they weren't very nice, but you know, that person, that's another human that I see as me, right? But in that moment, I got defensive, I got righteous, I got, you know, angry, la la la, right? And it's like, and then the wise sage in me is like, oh, you shouldn't be triggered by that. It's like, yeah, just be compassionate, like you said, and and be open to what what's what's there to learn or to discover in this. And I think that's a really sweet uh way of going about it. And not everything that you have to solve and like get to the bottom of too. So it's like, like, okay, I get triggered at airports from time to time. Like, I'm not gonna like go into therapy for something.

Polly Mertens 1:02:54

No, but I'm gonna be honest and say, okay, so I need to set myself up for maximum capacity when I am traveling. So I will be well slept, I will be well fed, I will not be in a rush, blah, blah, blah, whatever your list of things is, I will prepare myself, right? So this is just proactive healthcare, really, right?

Samantha Pruitts 1:03:12

Yeah. And I love the idea, like we talked about, well, a discovering more about this. I think there's layers of this that we've just touched the surface in terms of what is going on in your brain and in your body about this. So if you are not a student of emotional mastery and emotional intelligence and you know, being able to, you know, recognize this or even having this self-awareness, like you just keep doing it. You're like, oh God, I'm I I'm so annoyed with myself that I keep doing this. A is understanding more about it, the mechanics of it are very freeing. You know, it's kind of like once you know how electricity works, you're like, oh, I get it, right?

Polly Mertens 1:03:46

Totally liberating.

Samantha Pruitts 1:03:48

Yes.

Polly Mertens 1:03:49

And it's also freaking hilarious. Yeah. Okay.

Samantha Pruitts 1:03:52

And that's the other thing. It's like, it's school, man. School's in. All right. You're just in it. We're all in it. People play with it. Be curious, be like, okay, like you said, uh, this is a curriculum today. Got it. Okay. That's it. That's it.

Polly Mertens 1:04:07

So showing up, keep showing up, keep showing up.

Samantha Pruitts 1:04:09

All right. Well, let's wrap it up and uh reminder, beautiful humans, where we're what's most important. What's most important?

Polly Mertens 1:04:16

How your messy, complicated, triggered life, trigger, highly triggered life looks. Oh, it's not that important, but how it feels is. Yeah.

Samantha Pruitts 1:04:28

And every day is your opportunity to find your awesome. Love you guys.

Polly Mertens 1:04:33

See you next week.