S2E18 with Christian Ray Flores - From Hit Songs to a Higher Purpose

This week on the JUST DO YOU. podcast, I’m joined by Christian Ray Flores — author, entrepreneur, high-performance coach, and a man whose life journey is as extraordinary as it is inspiring. From escaping political oppression as a child refugee, to living in exile in Africa, to becoming a pop star in Eastern Europe, Christian's life has been shaped by dramatic transformations and courageous pivots. But behind all the titles and achievements lies a deeper story — one of searching for truth, embracing identity, and choosing purpose.

Christian’s path to just doing him wasn’t linear. It took navigating complex cultures, deep introspection, and bold faith to find the clarity and conviction that guide his work today. Now, as the founder of Xponential Life and Ascend Academy, and co-founder of Third Drive Media and the Renew Network, he helps purpose-driven leaders live and lead from that same place of authenticity and alignment.

In this episode, Christian shares how he uncovered his truth — and why he’s dedicated his life to helping others do the same. We talk about integrity, transformation, and the power of choosing to live a life that reflects who you really are. If you’ve ever questioned your path or wondered how to turn your truth into impact, this episode is for you.  WELCOME TO THE CONVERSATION!

To learn more about Christian, visit https://www.xponential.life

To follow Christian on his social media platforms, visit  https://linktr.ee/christianrayflores

To listen to his podcast, Xponential Edge, visit https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/x-e-xponential-edge-w-christian-ray-flores/id1642372471

Thank you for joining us and we can't wait to welcome you back again next week! New episodes drop every Thursday and can be found wherever you find your favorite podcasts!  

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To follow us on Instagram, visit: https://www.instagram.com/justdoyoupod/

Want to learn more about our host, Eric Nicoll?  Visit:  https://ericnicoll.com

Transcript

0:05

Hello everyone. Welcome to the Just Do You Podcast. My name is Eric Nicoll, and I'm your host. If you are a first time listener, welcome to the conversation and if you're a regular, I'm honored that you've decided to join me for another episode. I. The Just Do You Podcast is centered around a network of conversations, which are meant to connect us, to inspire us, to find our own confidence, our own voice, and to live our own truth. And who knows, we might even learn a little something new that ultimately allows us to live in the sweet spot that I like to call the Just do you space of being. Each week, I have the privilege of sitting down for unscripted conversations with friends, family, colleagues, community leaders, and influencers that all share their own personal journeys. I hope that you enjoy our time together as much as I have. We are certainly gonna laugh, and yes, we might even cry a little, but in the end, we are gonna know that we're not alone during our life's journey. So are you ready? Great. Let's do this. Welcome to the conversation. All right everyone. Welcome to today's episode of the Just You Podcast. I am really excited to sit down with my guest today, so I'm just going to jump right in and introduce you to Christian Ray Flores. Hi Christian. Hey Eric. How are you? I'm wonderful. Very much excited to, to. Dive into the topics that you explore on this podcast. It's, we talked offline and it sounded fascinating and exactly what I love to talk about. I can tell'cause after spending some time looking around your social media and your websites and your bio, you are quite the active, yeah, you have an incredible story and an incredible journey and I've noticed over this last year in particular, I know we're only six months in, but it's interesting as I told you, I'm in our second season of the podcast and the guests that are falling into my lap, if you will every story that I am reading has. Some sort of connection, but are all so unique and so different. And so I spent some time looking at some of the information that your colleague sent when she reached out about you, and then I really started to dig into your story and we have a lot to talk about. So we're going to get right to it. Let's do it. But I do wanna take a minute just to briefly introduce you, and then I've got some questions for you. To kick off this conversation, but for our listeners, Christian is an artist and an entrepreneur, and a philanthropist, and a coach, I think wears many hats, which we're going to talk about today. But he has this incredible life story in this journey, and as we know. We've talked about this on most of our episodes, that our journey from childhood that takes us into adulthood and finding this space of being true to ourselves and living our truth, and many times, helping others find that same space is really remarkable. So I'm going to let Christian tell the story, but. Very early beginnings as a refugee coming from Eastern Europe. You've been a pop star. You've had this, I've been, yeah. Remarkable story. So I can't even begin to read it'cause I want people to hear it from you. Thank you. Yeah. What I love about you is you really are this kinda epitome of this just to you space of being. So do us a favor, take a, a minute and just give us a little. Bit of a glimpse of who you are and what you do, and then I've got a lead off question that I wanna conversation. Yeah, it's a very confusing story, so you can, you feel free to go into any rabbit hole you desire, you prefer, but I'll give you like a very quick overview. Yeah. So I. I'm this international person. My mom is Russian, my dad's Chilean, and I was born in Moscow. But as a baby, we, I, my family moved when I was a baby to Chile and we were going to spend the rest of our lives there a teacher and an engineer, a family, like a middle class family. And then everything changed after there was a massive military coup. In Chile, they overthrew the government, the military sort of group, and they put a bunch of people in concentration camps. My, my dad was in a concentration camp. They tortured and killed a bunch of people and we, it, it ended our life, right? So we ended up refugees in a refugee facility, got asylum in Germany, went back to the Soviet Union at was horrible. We lived in this one com communal apartment, sharing an apartment with somebody else, another family. Then my dad got a job in. In Mozambique after the co, the colonial powers left and we saw about a year in, we saw a civil war start there and we had bombings in the city, that kind of thing. After my parents divorced, I was 14 years old, we went back to the Soviet Union because she wanted to go home and I was plunged back into sort of this very gray scale mediocre world of Soviet reality. And then after, right after I graduated from college, the whole thing came crashing down. So again, I saw an attempted coup tanks in the streets of Moscow. It was like this deja vu on three different continents. Yeah. And all of that stuff led to this complete. Vacuum. And in that vacuum I decided, okay, I'm not going to do what everybody else does. I'm going to do me right. To your point, all of my peers were going into academia or business or banking and,'cause I got a degree in economics and I was like, I was very musical my whole life. Lemme try that. So I became basically one of the top pop stars in Russia like in about a year. It was crazy, which led to a decade long career. And we even helped. Elect a president who was running against the communists the last time the communists were coming back was during that time, and they used my song as the anthem for his campaign. So that's basically like the quick zero to maybe like mid twenties story. Wow. Yeah. That's one lifetime, right? That's one life. That's right. Yeah. So we're an only child. No, I have a sister, Monica. Okay. So you have a sister, Monica, older, younger. Younger. Two years younger. So the two of you growing up in these kind of circumstances Yeah. Is Uhhuh is enough, even just with one, right? Yes. To have to go through that every time you moved, what was going through your mind? I. At those times, were you aware of what was going on, obviously, but were you aware of the impact that it had on you and your family? What were the thoughts going through your mind at that time? As a child, I don't think you're mature enough to make sense of it, but you have feelings, right? It's long, almost like this energy that you're around. And I think for me, what I remember is. Fear very strongly because I was, I, my first childhood memory literally is standing outside of this concentration camp. There's, they used stadiums, soccer stadiums to put people in there'cause they were large enough. And my mom was trying to pass food to my, to throw a guard to my dad and I was holding her hand that was afraid of the soldier. I can remember those emotions, and that sort of sense of intense. Instability. Intense. Basically lack of any prospects, right? There's no certainty whatsoever. Which is I think, strange for a child because that's what children want is structure and certainty. And so that, I remember that. And then I think then it was a whirlwind. So we moved four countries. By age seven. So I land in Africa. This is literally my fourth country, my third continent. Everything is different again. Again, right? So people, body language, everything. Language, everything. And so I think at that moment, I remember very distinctly that I went very small, very introverted. I, my dad tells me I went quiet for a year. I wouldn't talk anything, almost anything in social settings. Because I was like so disoriented. Sure. And I was like, why are you so quiet? I go, I don't know. I don't speak the language. There's so many languages. What are the languages? Like all of that stuff. Yeah. So I think I was, I remember at that point it was this sort of shrinking to just survive, and, and then I think going back to Russia was a huge tragedy.'cause it was like tragedy upon tragedy. I've grown to love Africa and anyone who's ever spent any time in Africa will tell you Africa doesn't leave your heart. No. Ever. And and that's just, it's interesting. It has this magical sort of. Sort of energy about it. And, but then it was also after my parents divorce and I was going to a place I remembered vaguely'cause I was, five, six when I was there. That was not fun, yeah. So it was just I was just heartbroken when we moved back and I was a teenager and I just, my dad is not there anymore, so it's like pretty like three level catastrophe for me. Yeah. Emotionally. Yeah. And these are all formative years, right? Those are all the years where you're building your. You're building your personality, you're building your confidence, you're building your your connectivity with people your tribe, your foundation. Yeah. And so to have that even on a basic level up uprooted or, and upal around conflict, you're now moving and, yeah. Listen, divorce in and of itself is enough to, it's a huge tragedy. It's a huge tragedy, especially around those ages I am trying to wrap my head around that process as we look at this journey and trying to find, you know yourself and find who you are. Because here, most young people would have lifelong need to unpack what has happened to them. And yet, yes, everybody does. Yeah. You go. Everybody does.'cause we all have to unpack our trauma. But you've now gone through all this. I'm curious if that transition to then. You've gone quiet. Now you're moving again. You're going through this divorce of your parents. How the heck did you then transition into this pop star status?'cause that takes a whole other yeah. No, yeah. Instead of energy and people and, it's counterintuitive. Yeah, it's counterintuitive. It's true. I think my theory, obviously it's, human beings are, we're all a mystery, honestly. Yep. I don't think anyone really knows exactly how things work, but you have broad strokes. So my theory is that. I got a lot of one of the things of a musician, of an artist, of any kind actually, is that you can reflect something through your art that makes people feel something they can resonate, right? So when you draw a painting, write a book, or sing a song, people go, yes, I feel that way. And I think when you start. Almost like adulting, like serious stuff happens around you. Sure. So early and in such a compounded way back to back, it matures you. So it gave me like this early start into maturity, into insights, into human nature. And that is a great advantage for an artist. So that's one theory when it comes to just how can I produce something that is valuable for people? Sure. I think the other is. When you. Are trying to fit in because it's primal for all of us kids, grownups, whatever. We're tribal beings and we want to fit in. We want to fit in because it's a very primal thing. We fear, we don't feel failure. Actually. People think that they feel failure. They don't feel failure. They feel what people will think when they fail. Sure. So it's really, they feel we fear rejection by a tribe because for thousands of years, you're rejected by your tribe, you die. Basically, right? So it's very powerful within us. One thing for me, I think that what happened is by the time I was in my late teens, I was in college, I was doing music, I was dancing, I was singing at the same time as getting a degree in economics. I realized, you know what? I tried to fit in. I really want to, but I can't. And if I can't fit in, I'll stand out. So it's almost like you go completely flip it opposite. Sure. Opposite. And you basically, so I think in a, on a very not even, it wasn't really super intentionally, it was just like a switched, a switch happened within me where I'm like, I'm going to embrace. The highest level of uniqueness that I can possibly express in creativity. And that's my that's how I'm going to do it. Because even if I try, it just does. I don't belong anywhere, sure. So I think so that's another theory. Yeah. I think it's also super powerful because young people are much more resilient and much more malleable, I think as adults, because we get set in our ways and at that age, I remember doing, oh, totally I remember doing some self-reflection work and, we talk about, what it means when we're young and we're running around and we're acting silly on the playground and we're skipping and singing and having this great time, and we're being fully self-expressed, and then someone says something or something happens, right? Yeah. You're living through a conflict or a divorce or some, A friend says something or a teacher and we shut down and we create a conversation about ourselves, and then we live through that conversation for the rest of our lives until we unpack it later. Probably in therapy or a class, right? That's true. Yes, that's exactly it. We go, oh. But I find that as I hear these stories of all these people who have shared these amazing journeys is that we're much more resilient than I think we give ourselves credit for. And we find ways of survival. And it doesn't mean that we don't have trauma and we don't have to unpack all that. But to go from what you went through to then become this pop star is pretty remarkable. Yeah. And it's remarkable. Even if it was survival for you, even if it turned out to be this opportunity for you to, to find that next step is pretty remarkable and pretty. It's powerful. It's super powerful. And this was around the time, as you were saying, and as I read in the caption, this was around the time that SEN was. And you wrote this song, right? Is that correct? Yeah. So I, I started doing music like a couple years into the, after the fall of the Soviet Union, like a year and a half, I started, by the end of 93, I was on national television. Wow. Three, so Yin I think took over 92. Something like he was the first president. He was running for reelection in 96. Yeah. By then I've been going, I was already pretty famous for two, three years. And I started, I had a number, I had a string of hits and one that was just went completely, stratospheric. It was literally everywhere. Radio, tv, every club, every party like we had. During the Chechen war, the, a little bit later, the Chechen, the first, there was two, but I had people come to shows and they were military people who went in war and they were like, we would hear, listen to that song before going to battle. I. Wow. It was that stuff, so I had the song called Our Generation. It was very, it was just defiant. It was about New Times, or about, it was called Our Generation. And so Boris Hilton was trailing in the polls against the communists who were making a comeback, because obviously there's a lot of people super upset about the loss of stability, loss of identity. All of that resentment. So they wanted the old times back, and of course I did not want the old times back. Okay. It would be disastrous for me. So they just used that song for a lot of their campaigns and they, we went on tours. I was on television all the time. Wow. Fearless at the time. And now I think back and I go, man, that was unwise.'cause like here in America you back a candidate, he doesn't win. Oh, in Russia you don't, your guy doesn't win the least, the best, the least. Damage you can suffer is not have a career anymore. Worse things can happen. Like you can probably even see recent events. PE people tend to fall from windows and stuff like that. Have all kinds of accidents. Yeah. So I, we don't know what would've happened if they came back, but it was definitely not a good thing for me. So what was going as young person, teenager, right? Yeah. Mid to late teens. What was going through your mind? Did you know the difference and the impact that your music had? It's interesting, this week's episode I was telling you before we jumped on was. I guess it was talking about the power of music and sound and the healing abilities of music and sound and technology and is very much into that building incredible systems to help in healing. Yeah. And music is a huge thing. And we were talking about even, for me getting through the last four years of dealing with divorce and then our economy and elections and all those things, music has been a huge. Refuge for me and a place to go. Yeah. I know my favorite songs. When I'm feeling down, I don't wanna get on a recorded podcast. I have a song that I play by a particular person. It makes me happy and then I get, invigorated and I come back. So music is very powerful. What is it like, and what was it like for you? Who did you write the song or do you go to I did. Yeah. Of writer. So here you are, mid to late teens. Write this song. It's everywhere. It was early twenties actually. Early twenties, okay. Yeah. After college. Still very young. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. What was that like? What were those thoughts and feelings? Was it just so fast and furious that you didn't have time to think about it? Or were you like, what is happening? I I was into, I knew that it was a, it was something that moved me when I was back in Africa. And back in Africa it was just such an unusual situation. So it's like one of the poorest countries in the world. We'd lived a decent life'cause we were like, almost like secular. Missionaries. So we were paid my, my parents were paid better than the locals, but not like expats in Europe, like American expats Sure. In Europe who make actually more money in Europe than they do in America. Sure. It's the opposite. And so we, we didn't have much, we had enough, but all my community was. The local kids in the neighborhood, obviously the African kids and also this, these probably a hundred families of Chileans who were all exiled. So we're all we had this incredible bubble of a. Group very tight. Parties, birthday parties parties on the beach road trips to things. The kids play together like every day, all day. So we had this sort of chilan bubble, this Latin American bubble in Africa. And somebody this lady we called her name is Angelica, and we called her Tia Keka, and she was she organized this. Children's choir. And we would sing Latin American folk songs. And and when I sang, I had a good voice. So they gave me solos here and there. And I remember when I sang time stopped and I knew there was something there. I and I, it didn't come back until I was literally in college where I go, I've always had this thing. Always had this thing, what am I doing studying economics. And I still like economics, but you know what I'm saying? I always had this thing that made me stop and I danced and I like did amateur recordings and things like that. And I was not good actually, writing songs or anything like it. You learn the craft. Sure. But then I think eventually you. When you have to start. That's what I say to people. That's what I do for coaching now. It's, I coach very accomplished people to start a new chapter, to take a turn to completely go off, off, off the, of the lane that they were in. And all have the same problem. It's what's going to happen? What's going to happen? And I'll go, you have to start. You have to start, you have to focus on something and then hone your craft, whatever it is that you wanna do next. So that's what I did. Yeah. When you, I think it doesn't matter what age we're at it, it's a very profound statement that you just have to start. But what is so I think, prevalent in all of our lives is that there's just so much noise. Absolutely. It's our own noise. It's noise coming from the family or from our own expectations of ourselves and what we think other people are expecting of us. Yeah. Yeah. All of those things. And that getting started. I shared with you this podcast as prime example. Exactly. I've wanting to do this for two and a half years now. People are like, why didn't you start earlier? You could be in season four. And I'm like, I don't know it. I don't know. I wish, yeah, there were all these conversations, but I also think that it's all about timing as well, because. I wasn't ready then, and I don't know that it would've been unsuccessful and perhaps we needed a coach like you to come in and just kick us in the butt and get us moving. Oh, that accelerates things. Yeah, a little that accelerates things for sure. But I think also too, and I said, I was saying to Isaac yesterday, all of these technologies and all of these opportunities for growth and development and shifting and changing lives are great, but the person has to be ready also, I think. Oh, do you agree? Absolutely. Yeah. So for you to coach somebody who is already successful in a totally. Going off the, yeah, and I can really relate to that right now.'cause that's the conversation that I'm in, am I'm turning 60 next year. I've been doing the same career for almost 25 years, and I've loved it. I've had an amazing experience. Maybe it's no accident that you're on my podcast today, but I am now in this conversation of, is this how I'm going out and is this my legacy and is this yeah, exactly. It's a season. It's a seasonal change. Yeah. It's a seasonal change. And then also you sit back as an adult and go like you did. Is this what I was supposed to be doing? Yeah. Did I get so far off track that I lost sight? Because there's so many things that I. Have wanted to do, and I know a lot of people in that conversation now as well, and I don't know if it's just by virtue of almost turning 60 that we say, what's this next chapter in our life? So to be able to be in that conversation for your life, obviously it sounds to the outsider as though, even though it may not have been a blip on your radar or a thought in your mind, everything that you had been doing to that point was leading you to ultimately where you'd be today. Is that, oh, abs safe to say. Oh my gosh, yes. Yes. Yeah. And we just don't pay attention to those things. No. That's the problem. Yeah. Again, it's so much noise and I often say one of the things that I am most passionate about now, and we've had a couple guests on, I'm very much into yoga and into meditation and into mantra and into different modalities and ways of healing and self-care. We all need that right now. I think everybody. And what I think is so interesting is in going through all those practices, they become for some. Ritualistic and they'll do it all the time. They're very good at it. They'll come for some other people. It becomes very hit and miss. Because we get distracted and we don't stay focused in that training mechanism. We don't stay focused in that training spot, which I'm sure you as a coach are really good at getting people to stay in that training mode. Yes.'cause otherwise. Results. Yeah. But I think what's so interesting is that when it becomes routine and uninteresting is when I am speaking just for myself, go offline and fall away and then something will happen and then I'll need to get back on the track again. I'm like, oh, I haven't been doing my practice, I haven't been doing my, my, my daily activities. And it was really interesting. This last go around, I'd fallen off this. Routine. That was super helpful and I started to go into this space of anxiety and depression and just not being able to cope very well, which I tend to do. And I, this has come on most recently, over the past couple of years, and there were two things happening. I wasn't living my truth. Number one, I was really focused on all of the chaos and all of the external noise, but I wasn't focusing on. Who I am and what I'm here to give and why I'm here on this earth. And the minute I started to get back into that practice and started to get back into that conversation, podcast is a huge part of that ritual for me, is connecting people, listening to stories, being able to share their stories, and to be able to have people resonate and also relate. Yeah. What's been interesting this last go around is as I move through now this conversation of what's next and what's next for me and what's next for the podcast and the people in my life and for the people that I care about, we're all in this interesting conversation that how do we stifle the noise in order to become. Present to take the coaching, to take the signs and the signals that you've talked about. We don't pay attention to those signs and signals all the time. And I wonder if you have any thoughts on that, as you right, as Christian. But then also this coach, how do you manage the times when the noise and the distractions come at you so fast? I think there's the easy way and the hard way. Okay. The e, the hard way is when the pain of, change is less than the pain of staying the same. That's the hard way. Sure. It's yeah. Okay. I need to do this'cause I know I wanna live, like emotionally. So that's the hard way. And most of us choose the hard way, unfortunately. And the thing is, actually all of us choose the hard way here and there. I think really the win is to choose that less and less over time. The easy way is to develop a practice of metacognition. So the term metacognition means being able to think about your thinking basically. So bank, basically, this is almost paradoxical but it's, it can be done. It's basically being objective. Although you are subjective. Okay. Objective about yourself, which is impossible in, because you're subject, you're objectively subjective'cause it's you thinking about you. Okay. So tion is the ability to transcend subjectivity and the way to do it is to develop a spiritual practice. So what basically what you referred to earlier is to develop a transcendent practice which transcends you. So if you are able to develop it, master it, and it's obviously, it's a lifelong quest, et cetera, et cetera. Sure. You then can, you can course correct daily rather than, every five years when, a cri, you have a complete meltdown and you need therapy. That sort of thing. So that, yeah. That's the answer basically. Yeah. And you can do it not just through a practice, but you do it through coaching, helps with that kind. Make it'cause somebody's watching you. Invested in, you knows details and context enough, and then say, Hey, I know this about you and you know your history. You're doing this thing again, that doesn't help you. That sort of thing. Oh, it's accountability. Yeah. Accountability. Yeah. Community. Community. Community is, it's same thing. So people to walk with. And that's also thing that, that's something that's declined in America tremendously. Like most people are super lonely. It's a national epidemic according to the us general surgeons general people in leadership, CEOs or 70% of CEOs are lonely in America. So way more than the national average. So leaders in general are much more vulnerable to loneliness than just people that are not interesting at the top of their whatever organization. Why? Because you're an authority. Sure. It is what it is. There's a downside to that, right? People won't tell you the truth. They won't be, they're not in authority over you. You have to create an environment where you're under the authority of somebody else. And especially when you reach high, levels of authority people tend to not want to create authority over themselves. That creates a, that require a very mature person. Yeah. To say, okay, I'm literally at the top of my profession. Usually that coincides also that you are the most influential person in your family or your friend group. So I'm at the top of my profession, my family. I'm the head of the family. I'm the patriarchal matriarch. I'm also probably the most successful guy in my friend group. You have to make an effort. To bring somebody into your life to have authority over you. Sure. And most people don't. Don't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So when you were transitioning from now this big pop star, all of that where were you headed at that point, in that next chapter after that? Where were you going or where did you go? Ironically, it's a great segue, by the way, from the last thing I said, Uhhuh, I'm the top. I'm at the top of my profession. Like I'm entertaining millions of people, right? Millions of people. I am, of course, my, my family PR is proud of me. All of my friends look up to me. I. Then the life will reveal the flaws and the weaknesses and the blind spots, whether you like it or not. Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. So if you're in a lonely place with no accountability, no authority over you then you are on your own, whether your flaws and your. Character traits that are help not helpful. Sure. So that's where I was. So I was literally had a number one hit at the time and I was clinically depressed. And what that was triggered, I had many flaws. And honestly, to be fair, I'm 25 years old. Okay. I was going to say. Yeah. Yeah. People do stupid things when they're 25. Everybody does, right? I have, three kids, two in the, in their twenties, one in their, one in her thirties. I. And I'm like, yep, sounds about right. That's exactly else. And you just have to let it happen, right? Yeah. You just have to let it happen. That's it's just the season, right? So just the season for stupidity, right? And I was like, and, but I was, because I had layers and layers of trauma on top of that, I. I was dating I might basically the dating angle, the family, the love angle was my downfall because I had I come from three generations of broken homes. I was super traumatized by my parents divorce and now I'm dating and top of that, I'm not in a normal dating situation, I'm a pop star. Like literally millions of like teenager girls have like posters on their wall. It's so weird. To, it's a very strange, abnormal place to be. Relationally. So that disorients you quite a bit. And I was, dating. Here and there didn't know how to do it. Every time it got serious, I would sabotage the relationship was dating this model because at the time I was supposed to date models, which sure. Like I was like this walking cliche, right? Yeah. You are a runway model. I, we should be on a magazine covers together. Let's do this. Nothing. It was so superficial. It's crazy. It's just cringe worthy. But that's what I was, that's where I was at, right? In my character. But then this one girl gets pregnant. We have a baby. I don't even know what to do with that. I sabotage that as well. She walks away, cuts me off. From my child, my oldest daughter, Deanna, and I was just destroyed completely. Couldn't, didn't eat, lost a lot of weight. I was already super thin. Lost a lot of weight. Couldn't create, couldn't write. And then somebody comes into my life, who is this? Canadian missionary, this pastor. And then I chose to put him in authority over me. That's my point, right? I'm like, you have something I don't have, tell me what to do. And that was literally the smartest thing I've ever done in my life. Because I'm like, I know you have something. I don't have, I have all these people around me. No one will tell me the truth. And I'm super lonely and I'm also messed up. So if you're super lonely and messed up, no one's going to help you, right? Find somebody to help you. So that's what I did. I found this guy, I submitted to him, I'm like, please tell me what to do. And he fixed me, basically. And that's honestly the reason why I coach now. Because it, it shocked me how the cat, the catalytic effect of a coach who on the direction of your life, very trajectory of your life can change'cause of one person. It's crazy. I've always said that. One of my beliefs is we need our, what I call squad. Yeah. For, I tease a lot for, I get a lot of crap for it, but I watch some of the housewives. I do. It's my mother can't stand it. She's embarrassed when I say it, but for me it's the detox. I don't even know if that's how little I know it. I know. I didn't know it was, it's from there. It's the detach for me and it's just watching some, and some of'em I can't handle'cause it's too much drama. But some of'em are fun. And I know some of the people and I watch it'cause it's a complete detach from my life. Sure. And it helps. Is it the Housewives of San Diego or something like that? No. It's Beverly Hills. There's like a bunch of them, right? Oh, there's like third, there's too many of them to be honest. Yeah. Okay. There's too many. But my point is that was my distraction. Now I've even lost why I was going to say it. Sorry. That's okay. Oh. Geez. I'll have to come back to that.'cause now I've lost my train of thought. That squad, you said squad, you use squad? Squad? Yeah. Squad. Squad. So they travel around with what they call their glam squad. So they travel the world and all these episodes, and they've got their hairdresser and their stylist and all this ridiculousness. It's just silly. But I took on a couple years ago, maybe about a decade or maybe 15 years ago when I really started on this journey of self discovery and living my truth and all that, and I have what I call my life squad. And my life squad contains my trainer and my coach. I have two coaches. I have a nutritional person, so I have these people in my life that will hold me to account that I use as a sounding board. And exactly what you said my friend. Darren, who is this fellow podcaster, and my coach literally multiple times has done exactly what this guy did for you. When I've said, I don't, you gotta tell me what to do.'cause I don't know. Yeah. I've lost my way. And I know faith is very important to you. Same with him, same with me. And it was just this opportunity to step back and to really focus on what was important to me, what was, what I was present to, and. The fact that I believe we're all here to be of service. That's what I believe is that each of us are here in different capacities to be of service to others, and they really are that life changing moment. And I've had several of those over the course of years. Janina, the woman I was sharing with you, who you know, I met in Costa Rica, another opportunity in that moment changed the trajectory of my life. And so I think it's really fantastic and I am a firm believer that we all need someone in our life like that. I think having a coach should be mandatory from the minute you graduate college through the rest of your life. Yeah. You should have a coach and it doesn't mean that they're fixing you all the time. It's just there to keep you on track. Yeah. And so when I learned that you. Offer this coaching. It always makes me feel very comfortable to know that people who have been through this amazing journey in their own lives, and I've said this about all the practitioners that have been on my podcast, some are sound healers and do some do dance and other types of opportunities to help people heal. But they all have been through something in their lives and that moment that they went through shaped them into who they are as a coach now and. I'm embarking on that same path right now with my coaching practice and really wanting to hone that in. And I've been looking at it for a long time because I think we do it naturally and somewhat subconsciously with some of our friends and some of the people in our lives. They you tend to be the one that they come to, to ask questions. Yeah. And I've often been. Very much in the inquisitive state of, is that something that I haven't necessarily paid attention to in my own life? But you said something really fascinating to me, and I think it parlays into where we're at in today's world, is that we're existing in this world, very disconnected. We are not really connected to ourselves. We're not I know sometimes I float, five feet above my own body. I'm not present in my own body, but I also think we are losing sight of how to communicate, of how to relate to people. I. Of how to be in, in conversation with people because we're using text messages and we're using all of these external forces to communicate social media. And I worry that we've created such a disconnection that it's hard to get it back. And so when I started the podcast, my main purpose was to sit down and have a conversation with you. Christian was to sit down and have somebody else listen to the conversation because we just don't do that anymore. Yeah. It's these quick little soundbites or a 32nd video on Instagram or a post on LinkedIn or whatever your social media choice is. Do you see that as getting better, getting worse, something we just have to deal with? As a coach and as somebody who's involved in this practice, what do you see as the future for close relationships and connection with people? I think I'm an eternal optimist, right? So I'm very biased in, in that sense. My, here's my thought. My thought is that, yes, I think it's going to get better. And I'll tell you exactly why. Okay. I, the, some of the down, both the upsides and the downsides of social media. That has have really messed us up when it comes to disconnection at, it was really about the atten, it was attention economy. So it's really capturing your attention. So it's all click and bait in that kind of economy. What flourishes is outrage. Entertainment a little bit. Cats playing piano, things like that. But a lot of outreach and division, because that's what cat's attention. It's very primally, it goes straight to the amygdala, fight or flight kind of stuff. And some positive stuff as well. Inspirational stuff. But I think the negative stuff has much more direct. It goes faster to your amygdala. People respond to that because of how we're built. So the, that attention economy, I think will is already shifting to a trust economy. A trust economy is, that's where, somebody will tune into Eric's podcast. Because they trust you. They'll, they spend several hours of your conversations. They feel like they know you. They might not even, you don't know they exist, right? Sure. But they feel like you, they know you. And they trust you and they trust you to pick people to talk to that will somehow enrich their lives. That's the trust economy, and that's a huge win. And in this trust economy, you. It actually did something profoundly powerful and positive. In my opinion, it's doing because in for many years in the media was about almost like a temple guarded by high priests. Like Anderson Cooper is a priest in the CNN Temple. Like he worships, and what he says that we just. Receive. Because that's the channel. And there's several of those, of course. In communist part company like authoritarian regimes, like there's, it's even less choice, right? It's one government, voice government, and that's it. But now if you think about what happens now with the trust economy is one Joe Rogan experience episode is probably 10, 15 times the audience of A CNN primetime show. Sure. One diary of a diary of a CEO episode in Great Britain is several times more bigger audience than the BBC. The bigger the highest rated episodes of the BBC that's unfathomable. It was unfathomable just 20 years ago. So that's happening, right? That's the shift, and I think it's going to continue. So one of the things that I love to do is I have this newsletter. Called the exponential Edge, right? And I have 12,000 subscribers and stuff like that. And that, that is also almost like a continuation, almost like a deepening of the trust economy because it's it's more of a relational relationship economy. So you are very cognizant of who you're serving, what you're saying to them, like the, there's no room for. For click bait stuff. Sure. You lose people. Yeah. If you do stupid things like that. Yeah. So I think the right people are going to really face out of the attention economy and go into the trust and relationship economy. And I think that's a big positive. I do too. And I am so grateful that you just shared that.'cause I've actually got goosebumps. Which I tend to get.'cause that's what I needed to hear. And I think what our listeners need to hear as well is that we are shifting in that space and we have to stay very cognizant of who we are and what we are paying attention to and what we are, where we're getting our information. And did you agree? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. You obviously have a. Quite a following not just from your pop star days. I've now gotta go back and spend some time finding you there. But that's a whole other podcast episode, but you've obviously got a big following and you have a lot of people that are I'm sure, listening and surrounding themselves with this positivity. I have to say I love. These interviews.'cause I sit sometimes when people get on recording and those that are listening on audio only, can't see that. You've got an amazing backdrop behind you. You have a poster that says Dream Big, which I love. Yeah. There's obviously it's a Banksy print. Yeah, a Banksy print. There's a amazing cross, which is obviously representative of your faith. And there's a picture of Prince, I think. Yes. It's a picture. Yeah. I love that. I've been looking at, it's eclectic. Yeah, it's eclectic but what I love is that you have an opportunity to really shift conversation and shift the paradigm that people live in. And you can do that in so many ways. And I've, like I said, I was really taken, I obviously noticed too, you have an amazing wife and these three beautiful children. We don't have a lot of time, but do you wanna share a little bit about what that's like being dad and then a husband to that amazing family? Yeah. Thank you for asking because that was, if you remember that was my biggest pain. Yes. Like I literally had this in my brain. I don't know. I don't know how to do this. I just don't know. Nobo, no one taught me. I don't have any good examples. Like it was completely lost. But I have this inner yearning, to be loved and to love and to build a family. And at zero, zero, like less than zero, ability to do that. It's, if you humble yourself, even if you're very successful, even if your model is successful, doesn't matter, and you have a weak spot in a blind spot, just humble out, just ask for help. And we don't do that because there's so much we feel like we lose status or we, the stakes are high and I'm not used to not feel empowered, like in control and Okay. Who cares? Yeah. Like you need the help. Ask for help. And that's what I did. Like it's the smartest thing I ever did with it was to listen to Andy Fleming, who was my mentor and he had, comes from three generations of healthy families. Kids. Like he has this wealth of information and I was like. Just a little, I think of Karate Kid, right? Wax on, wax off. I was like that kid. I was like, tell me what to do. I don't care if I'm a superstar. Tell me what to do. Okay, so how do you find a woman? How do you, I. How do you what are the criteria? Like I would be like torturing him with things like that. Okay. So how do I know if she's the one, how do I know if she's not the one, and, okay here's somebody I like. What do you think? Like literally I was that guy. What do you think? Like I would bring her over tell me, okay, can you ask her like 50 questions and tell me what your verdict that, that kind of thing. So just trusting somebody with your life is such a liberating thing. It's. Especially somebody who knows what they're doing. And honestly, like I, it took me about three years to rewire my brain when it comes to romance. And I met Deb in la she used to work for MTV VH one and she was actually at the dawn of the reality show. Like all those early mtv. So she like apologizes to everybody when that's mentioned. I'm so sorry for the industry. And so she was organizing a conference. She was one of the organizers of a conference. There in LA and I was performing and speaking, and I was like I can, I almost recognized her. I've never met her before. Because I've been conditioned to look for the right thing by then. Sure. You were looking for the cover model to be with you on the magazine, right? Yeah, I was. Yeah. So no, that was no longer in my mind. Sure. It was something more than that. And I met her and I pursued her and accorded her. And I emailed her every day.'cause at the, this was like dial up. So calls were still expensive. So I emailed her every day until she moved to Moscow. And we had a wedding. We, we had 1800, 18, 1800 people at our wedding, like this massive wedding. And wow. Like we had pub, we had press accreditations at our wedding. And and and we've been married to 25 years and Wow. We've never ever mentioned the word divorce, not once. Because of the help I got. In our children, they love us, they respect us. They give us a hard time going, okay, you guys set the standard a bit too high, we don't know how to live up to that. We joke around about things like that. But it's, yeah. It's the greatest miracle, the greatest accomplishment of my life. That's awesome. Awesome. I know we could talk forever. I am super intrigued and also very moved by this conversation. I wanna be respectful of your time. You said one thing that I think should be the title of your next book. Okay. Which is I think you said Humble Out. Is that what you said? Yeah. Yeah. Humble out. Yeah. I wanted on a t-shirt. I want it on a bumper sticker. It needs to be a hashtag. Yeah. That's pretty powerful. Like humble out. Yeah. Yeah. That's, so thank you for saying that.'cause that's now going to stick in my head for the next decade. What's next for you? You mentioned something I want to segue to to illustrate because you said, I've been thinking about this coaching thing I'm getting, I believe we all have sort of personal seasons, but all of us have universal seasons. Like human beings, and it's basically four. One, we're a student, like we go to school, go to college. We're like, really not participating in adult life, but we're learning about it. Then we're practitioners of something. We decided to go into whatever economics, in my case. And you're going and you're trying things out and most people don't even stay in the thing that they went to college for, right? But we're practitioners, we're, we are, we're trying to learn a craft that would be useful in service to other people. Then we get become masters. Of that thing. And so we get status, we get, promotions, we get a little bit more money, we get, a wife, a kid, a golden retriever, right? Whatever. And then the fourth season is the season of a sage. And between those seasons, there's an internal, almost like switch that goes off that I think it's divine. Because if you go from student to practitioner, you can't wait to be a practitioner. But you're also very satisfied with, in do anything. I just wanna learn. By the end, when you're LA now closer to a master, you're not as satisfied with just anything. You want respect, you want status, you want more responsibility. And then you're mastering, you're building, and you're just hustling, and you're just all about that. But then that wears off by the end of the mastery season. Because another switch goes off and that's, I want to impart this. I want to serve others. I want to share wisdom. I feel like I've learned something here, and that's the stage season, and I think that's what you're feeling. You're feeling like, okay, I'm in my early sixties, I wanna serve others with the thing that I was enriched with. Good things, mistakes, wisdom. That's the season. So for me, this is the season as well, I coach because this is the sage season. And I could go and build two or three companies or do whatever, but I'm not in that season. And I think what I tell a lot of my friends who I coach are trying to decide what to do. And so I basically talk, tell'em the sort, the whole season's tale. And I go, you, if you have, if you are in this, had this conversation, maybe four days ago with someone who is in this early sixties, and they're like, do I go hustle and build this big thing, super ambitious? Or do I go here where I can build legacy? And I go, look, if you go hustle, you can, you're just at a disadvantage because you're not in the hustle season. You're in the sage season. Yeah. You're going to be rowing. Where you could be surfing. I'm done. We're done. Go surf. Go surf, episode's over. We're done. Hope everyone. Hope everyone enjoyed it. I know I did. Yeah. So I feel like that's the season you are entering, I think. Yeah, but that's really powerful though, Christian, because I think you can see it in people. Yeah. Like my friend group ranges in so many different ages. From 20 to. It's 70. And you can see it in people when they're in that sage space and they're trying to row. And'cause I don't think they give themselves the permission to be in the sage space, right? Yeah. The surfing space, it's and I don't know if that's a you obviously have this beautiful, worldview, right? This. From just your upbringing alone, but I wonder sometimes in the US if we just don't get stuck in this conversation of a, I have to be something by some particular point in my life. Yeah. The show that I've succeeded, I remember dating some and I love him to death. He was my first boyfriend. He's amazing. He still holds that place in my heart. I'd still be with him today if timing was different. But I remember watching people,'cause I worked in the entertainment industry like your. Wife. I worked at Fox and I watched these 20 somethings just be. I don't know the word for it, but they were clawing their way. Yeah. They had to be VP by a certain point, and I'm sitting behind the desk of one of the senior executives, the highest, second highest ranking guy at Fox, working as an assistant. I didn't care. I wasn't in that same space. And I would watch these young men and women just, oh, I've gotta be this. I've gotta, and they were burning themselves out and I'm thinking. This isn't my space, but I can see it now in a lot of my friends that are older, some of them embrace it wholeheartedly and will take that time and take that space. How are they of service? How are they going to live out the rest of their life? What's their legacy? And then I watch others that are just suffering through this rowing because they're in this boat with one ore. Yeah. Is the way that I look at it. And they're just going round and round. Yeah. Oh, it's terrible. Yeah. So I hope your next stage is that you don't stop doing what you're doing. I, yeah. Yeah. You have this amazing energy and voice and perspective that's really powerful. So I wanna thank you for your time today. I think, like I said, we could have talked for hours. I hope you'll come back another time and we can get a little bit deeper into this. Professional side of you and your coaching. I think it'd be something that would really resonate with people and I hope you'll come back. I do have one final question for you. Alright. And that is, if you could go back to that young Christian and tell him something about his life today, what would you tell him? I would tell him I actually do that as one of the things that I coach I wrote a letter to myself. How did I figure, I realized you probably did this. Yeah. So it's basically, for you, it's actually a great exercise. If you're sitting at home, find some, like a place we've, before there was a major disruption in life. That's the age you want to address. I was 14, so my parents were divorcing That was there. That's what so and I wrote this letter and I use it all the time actually, just to help people process and understand, extract certain things. And I would say all of these very confusing, extreme sort of things are the most precious gifts you'll ever get. These are the things that will give you the most unfair advantage. It's so much advantage down when you mature and you process it correctly that it's not, it shouldn't be legal for you to possess that kind of superpower, yeah. And that's where you mind for the superpowers, so that's what I would say. So you just launched me into a whole other episode, which ask a ton of questions. That's really powerful. It's really powerful because so many people focus on the circumstances that they went through. Yeah. And I've always said, I remember this in a. Personal development class I took many years ago that was also life changing, and the person said, you are not your circumstances. You were not all of those things that you went through, but you went through those things and you looked at them in such a positive perspective. I'm going to make sure we put links to all of your work, and I'm hoping that if people feel so inclined that they'll reach out to you and have a conversation. That positivity and that way of looking at things and that way of looking at your life is something that we all need right now and that we could all use in navigating this. New space that we're in. I wanna say thank you for your time today and thank you for jumping on and being with me. It was a true pleasure and delight. I'm going to spend some time this 4th of July weekend looking you up and seeing if I can find some of your singing, singing videos. Go to YouTube. You'll get a lot of nineties nighty stuff there. I can't wait. But seriously, thank you for being here and thank you for your time today and you're welcome back anytime. Thank you Eric. Really, I truly enjoyed it. Oh, thanks so much. We'll talk to you soon. Bye for now. Alright, everyone, thank you again for joining us on today's episode. I hope our conversation resonated with you like it did me, and I cannot wait to sit down with you all again next week. Remember to subscribe to the Just You Podcast on your favorite platform so you can make sure not to miss a new episode, which drop every Thursday. If you like what you hear, you can easily share the podcast and episode. Directly with your friends and if you would rate us and leave us a review, we'd love to hear from you. You can also follow us on Instagram at just Do you pod as you go out into the world today. Remember to just do you. Alright, talk next week.