S3E05 with Jay Valle - Shaping The Narrative

Some journalists report the news. Others make sure you feel the people behind it — and that’s exactly what today’s guest, Jay Valle, does.

Jay is an award-winning New York City–based journalist whose work centers community voices, accountability, and real-world impact. In a moment when so many in the LGBTQ community feel targeted, isolated, and afraid, that kind of journalism isn’t just important — it’s essential.

In this episode, we dive into the responsibility of telling stories from marginalized communities, the power of lived experience, and what speaking up looks like when it truly counts.

For nearly five years at NBC News, Jay reported national investigations, LGBTQ policy coverage, and powerful human-interest stories that connected lived experience to real change. His investigative reporting on robberies targeting LGBTQ New Yorkers earned a 2024 GLAAD Media Award and helped shift how those cases were handled. Jay now embarks on a new journey committed to our community and ensuring that our voices continue to be amplified.  

I’m grateful to Jay for spending some time with me today and I know you will enjoy getting to know him and learning about his journey as much as I did.  

To follow Jay on Instagram, visit: https://www.instagram.com/theofficialjayvalle

Welcome to the conversation! 

Thank you for joining us and we can't wait to welcome you back again next week! New episodes drop every Thursday and can be found wherever you find your favorite podcasts!  

Remember to like, rate, share and subscribe to the JUST DO YOU. podcast in order to receive our weekly episode updates!  If you like what you hear, please leave us a review at Apple Podcasts!

To follow us on Instagram, visit: https://www.instagram.com/justdoyoupod/

Want to learn more about our host, Eric Nicoll?  Visit:  https://ericnicoll.com

Transcript

0:06

Hello everyone, and welcome to season three of the Just Do You Podcast. I'm Eric Nicoll, your host and I'm so glad you decided to join us today. Whether this is your very first time joining in on the conversation or you've been listening along since the beginning, thank you for being here. This podcast exists because of you. Your stories, your courage and your willingness to keep choosing yourself even when it's not easy. The Just Do You Podcast is a safe space for authentic, unscripted conversations that connect us, inspire us, and remind us of who we are at our core. Together we're going to explore confidence, voice, truth, and what it means to step fully into what I call the just do you sweet spot, that place where you are living honestly, intentionally and unapologetically. This new season is about growth, reflection, possibility and community. I'll be sitting down with friends, colleagues, community leaders, and influencers who are willing to share their journeys, the wins, the challenges, and everything in between. We'll laugh. We may shed a few tears, but in the end, we're going to continue to remind one another that none of us is walking this path alone. So are you ready? Great! Let's do this. Welcome to season three of the Just Do You Podcast. Alright everyone, welcome to today's episode. I am so glad that you are here with us today. It's been an interesting day and I've been reflecting a lot on what we're seeing in the news and it occurred to me that there are some journalists that actually just report the news. And then there are others that really make you feel the people behind the stories. And that's exactly what our guest today does. And his name is Jay Vallle and Jay is an award-winning New York City based journalist who work centers around community voices accountability and real world impact. In a moment when so many L-G-B-T-Q people in the community feel targeted, isolated and afraid, this kind of journalism isn't just important, it's essential. So for nearly five years at NBC News, Jay reported on National Investigations L-G-B-T-Q, policy Coverage, powerful Human Stories that Connected lived experiences with Real Change. His investigative reporting on robberies actually earned him a 2024 GLAD Media Award as the story focused around the attacks on the L-G-B-T-Q community. Really grateful to share the conversation with you today. So I'm going to ask you to give a warm welcome to Jay Valle. Hi Jay. Hi Eric. How are you today? I'm great. It's so nice to be sitting down with you today. We were sharing a little bit before I hit record and I'm actually on location for one of my client events and I really appreciate you taking the time to sit down with me today. I think it's the perfect timing. I was so looking forward to this all week, so thank you for being here. Oh, no, thank you. Thank you for having me and making time like you said to your onsite, but we're both making the time and I wanted to connect with you and it's just a, it's a pleasure. It's really a pleasure to meet you. Good. I thank you for reaching out. So we're going to definitely get into your work as a journalist. I want to take you back just a little bit. I like to do that with my guest. Because I think it really sets the tone, not only for the conversation, but many times, as I shared with you that it really correlates and ties well into what we do in our, I'll call it adulthood. I'd like to hear a little bit about Young Jay. What was Young Jay like? Family, brother, sisters, mom and dad. Where'd you grow up? What was Young Jay like? Oh my goodness. First I'll just start by saying adulting is crazy. I feel like I'm just stepping into adulthood and all that entailed, which a lot of emotions, a lot of changes, but you're so right, Eric, because my upbringing actually, I think is connected to who I am today and the work that I do. I grew up in I did half my childhood in Jersey City and then the other half in South Florida, and I have, oh, I have a total of six brothers and sisters. So it's I was the middle and I grew up with my oldest brother and my one of my youngest sisters. After my parents split I made my move to Florida and. Yeah. Being the middle child, I think I was the one who was the extra loudest, but knew what he was doing. I already had a plan and I was very creative. I picked up a camera at the age of seven, I believe. And I have proof of this'cause I was watching some home videos this holiday season and I was stunned because 90% of all 12 tapes are all of me. And it is, I was like, who let me do this? Who let me tape this camera? And these are actual tapes, like actual tapes. Anyway, my, my family had them digitized. And I saw a little bit of myself during that time. I saw a very a high energy, loud personality. And I had, as some might say, a little sugar in my tank. Okay. It was very obvious. So obvious. I was very. Spunky and I was a queer kid. It was obvious. I was putting on shows for my family and routines with my sister. And I was narrating all of these home videos. And I think seeing that this holiday season it really clicked for me of who I was and who I'd always been. And when I came out at 16, here in South Florida. And I came out by accident, digital realm. So my iPhone was my tell. My mom stumbled upon a few messages with a guy that I had been dating. And it wasn't the best experience, to be honest with you. It really tore me apart. It really just showed me a little bit of the battle that I had with my own religion as being raised Christian, a Pentecostal. And then battling with myself that that want to please everyone that wanted to be the straight A student that I was, to be even more perfect for my family. And so I battled with the religion side of it and internalizing all the homophobia that I was getting on the outside. And I was, it was just a big fight for me at that point. I mentioned the home videos because as I was watching them this holiday season with my mom for the first time it really clicked to her, I think, and to everyone in the room watching that Jay had been like this since he was a kid. Jay had been like this. Since forever really. And that was such a healing moment for me. Watching home videos of yourself can be embarrassing, but I was embarrassed and then also crying because I was like, wow, this is some of the relationships And people in my life that were in that video no longer are for reasons that they don't they don't agree with me, they don't agree with my life per se. And so it definitely really heightened a lot of the thoughts in my head on who I am today and why I do what I do today. And really to wrap it up a little bit for you, after coming out again at 16, I packed my bags and once I tossed that cap for high school graduation, I also tossed my bags in a car. And I left home early. I moved in with my high school sweetheart and then I pursued my undergrad. And I went to nursing school, which was very wild because nursing was just on the books for me. I believed in structure. And making sure I had a plan and I was going to get this. At this point I was like, I'm on my own. I gotta get it going. I gotta get things right. And I pursued nursing for two months and then I dropped out Eric because it was just not for me. And in my life, I've always been taught if you drop out, you're a failure. So I was just devastated because nursing school was it. I wanted to help people. I wanted to take care of people. And then around that time. I was inspired by my current partner almost 10 years, who's a musician actor, and just a creative all around. And he said, what do you want to do? And I said, I want to tell people stories. And so I took a year off, did some independent work, freelance, and then I went back to school for journalism and communications, and the rest was history. I started freelancing here in Miami, and then I unfortunately the job market was down during the pandemic, and that was about the time I was able to to finish up my degree, but I was actively working, but there were no jobs. I had 20 plus rejections under my belt. Eric and I, there's no other, I've dealt with rejection and then this side of rejection for the job market just hits different, that feeling it is not cool. You just start to feel like did I just put my money somewhere and eventually. I was sent an email and that email changed my life. I got my first yes at the Network news with NBCI packed my bags, moved all the way to Manhattan, and worked at a 30 Rockefeller for the last five years. And looking back at those home videos and do, seeing my hurricane reports and seeing my spunkiness it all just makes sense. It was what I was supposed to be doing is what I was born to do, and it was my connection to other people like myself where I felt a little unheard now today. I feel like I can hear people and give them the platforms they deserve to. So that was a lot to consume. But no, that really is how it all came about. I love hearing people's stories and journeys, obviously. I think, like I said, 78 episodes and I've heard quite a few of them, but I want to ask you a couple questions which I think will also help deepen this conversation as we move forward. Middle child, six brothers and sisters. I have no idea what that's i'm an only child, so it was just me and my mom. So I wonder as that middle child did you have to fight for attention? Did you find that difficult to navigate that maybe why you have some of this sugar in your tank or the ness that you have, your terms, not mine, but exactly. No, that I think I, I kept things going in the house. I think I was always the first person to with the ideas, the first person to maybe speak up a bit. I was very neutral among everything else. My older brother had a very strong personality and that inspired me to be a little more tough'cause I was just a little more of let it, just, let it pass. I was very even getting bullied in, in middle school and. My awkwardness in my freshman year in high school, all tied into me not really knowing who I was. So I think I was a, I was very timid, I'll be honest. I was timid. Those home videos at seven years old were like, I was the complete opposite at 13, 14. It was just, I wasn't and people would look back and be like, oh, but I think that kind of, I think as I started to step into who I was as a teen I started becoming a little more outspoken, a little more assertive of who I was, enough to muster up the coverage, courage to move out, and then actually come out to my brother in that process. Who who really was just, in his mind he is I've known, but like also, is this happening right now? You're coming out to me. So I think the relationships in my house really changed and then I changed as well. I think as I realized too. Like, all right. I have a life to live and it's going to be my own life despite being raised in church despite the negativity that that I received on that end too. Yeah, it is interesting. Definitely different judgment personalities. It is and I've said this many times, I've had conversations with several psychologists and coaches and other professionals on this podcast, and we've always talked about how you have to take a driving class to learn how to drive a car and to get your driver's license right? You have to take a test and you have to practice and then you get the driver's license. But then you may go to Europe where you drive on the other side of the road and the other side of the car and it's like learning to walk again. And I think with raising children, we don't necessarily educate our parents well enough to be able to navigate having to deal with the differences and the uniqueness and the beauty in all of the children. And then you add on top of that the layer of religion or you add on top the layer of generational trauma. You have a lot to unpack and a lot to navigate as a parent and so to be responsible for six kids who are all probably very different that fall under that umbrella. It's interesting to hear, right? As an only child, my mother was a teacher and I think in her ability to be not only a voice, but an ear for so many different children, it made it a little bit easier for me. Although I didn't come out till I was 24, I was terrified. Absolutely. Terrified of getting kicked outta the house and losing family. Yeah. Yeah. I, listen I'm a little older than you my love. I came out when I was 24. Yeah. I graduated in 1984 at 18, and of course came out many years later, but it was different back then. We were coming off of this very difficult time of the hiv aids crisis. I was talking to somebody the other day about that, about growing up in that timeframe. So there was a lot of fear. There was a lot of fear around my child being gay. Now it's a whole different set of circumstances, but really different. And I think, having that ability to. As a child, express your creativity, express your uniqueness. Again, recently interviewed somebody who's a dancer, loved to dance, got bullied because he loved to dance. Made a decision that he couldn't dance'cause he didn't want to get bullied. And so we hear that time and time again. But so much of what you've done in your career, which we're going to talk about in a minute, is telling the stories of people. And we all have them, we all have these really amazing stories and beautiful stories. And sometimes they're filled with a lot of chaos and a lot of trauma. But many times they're filled with exuberance and our expression of ourselves and we find our way back to it in what I consider way too late in life. There's a whole chunk of time. Between when we were skipping around that play yard and someone called you a, you know what? I don't like the word, so I don't use it, but they called you an expletive and you shut down and the next thing you know you're walking different. My God. You're paying attention to how you speak, how you walk, how you talk, and you rewire yourself, you and it's conditioning. And then as adults, we're in therapy or working with a life coach trying to figure out who we are and why we made the decisions that we make. And one of the reasons why I wanted to do this podcast was because everybody does have a story and the journeys that we take to find our authenticity and to find our true selves, not only to find it, but then to be able to express it and to be ourselves in a time where we are, in some cases being attempted to be forced back into the closet. Or back into hiding or feel guilty for who we are or feel shame. My worry is that many of the young people today who up until a couple years ago, had the freedom to come out and were coming out a lot earlier. Yeah. And a lot freer will fear, and so that's why I asked the question because I think it's important to, to let people know and to let our listeners know around the world who are dealing with all different. Types of situations in their lives and circumstances that it's important to, to have the freedom to just be you and to just do you Exactly right. Exactly. So important just to you and I and kudos to you and launching this and really taking it by the horns and seeing that when I think about where this lives and in the digital realm, this is your mark in history. This is your mark in the media, the footprint of media, and it reaches who it needs to reach. I remember going on YouTube when YouTube started to pick up in the early two thousands, and I was just searching in desperation for things of people like myself who's just trying to figure it out. I didn't want to label yet. I was like, maybe I'm bisexual, maybe I'm gay, and I was searching for a voice. And Eric, I can say to you right now that you are one of those voices today, and your platforms will do that for the youth. Who can come back into the safety of putting in these headphones. Just going into a corner, opening up a book, albeit whatever medium they choose, but they find solace, they find a place for themself. And that's why the storytelling, that's why I'm on here too, telling these things. And it's so weird to be on this side being interviewed because I'm the one usually doing the interview, but then it really makes me tap into a lot. And I'm like, oh, Eric, like you said too, therapy is a big thing now as an adult. I just started last year. I'm i'm 29 right now. And it was just a different thing and stigmas that come with it. And I was just maybe I'll internalize it, but then it was to a point where I would burst into tears for no reason. And that, in my mind, I'm like, I'm focusing on all these stories and really taking in a lot of what's happening. On the streets of New York with my own community, but also I'm dealing with stuff in my heart and soul and as young. Jay little queer Jay, going through what he was going through and how he's able to really digest that today as an adult, so whoever's listening, whether you're 15. 35 70. It's it's all connected to you. So I'm only giggling because you said that you were, that you're not used to being on this side of the interview. And so there might have been a little nervousness. I was, am is our nervous also interviewing an award winning? You're an award-winning NBC Network news reporter. So I'm thinking, this guy's going to think I'm a hack. But no, I'll remember, coming in, coming into the season, or actually last season two, we're in season three this year, which is remarkable in and of itself, but into season two. And I remember, December going, I don't know if I could do this. I don't know if I have the strength and the fortitude to not cry through every single episode because of what was happening in our world. I just don't know. And I remember a friend of mine calling me, and he had just listened to a particular episode and I said I am like, you know what? I don't know if I can do this. And he said to me, you helped me shift my mindset a year ago when I needed that mindset shift. And even if you help one person that catches the episode or catches your news story or catches the story wherever they're finding it and it makes a difference in their life and it gives them a little bit of hope or a little bit of freedom, or a little bit of courage, then we've done our job. And I was focusing on the numbers. I was focusing on the downloads and the how many countries were we in and all of those things. And I remember a coach of mine who's a podcaster, who's the one who really helped me get this launch. It was amazing podcast. He's hundreds of episodes in and it's crazy what he's done, but he said, you can't pay attention to the numbers, can't pay attention to the ratings. You just need to know that if you helped one person, you've done your job. Wow. And that, that not only gave me an opportunity to step back and go, not only do I love this, and not only do I. Know that this is why I'm here. I don't get paid for this. I don't have advertisers so I try to keep it super real. So this is a passion project? Yeah, but it's also, I think so important because the platforms that are out today, what we see in social media, you just started therapy. I started therapy a couple years ago to deal with a very painful divorce. The what I learned over the course of that year with Brittany was life altering because I had a lot to unpack. And so we need those opportunities to communicate and it's why I started the podcast. I wanted to be able to connect people. I wanted to be able to have people hear that there are other people out there see themselves, like you said, see themselves represented or hear something that may give them a little more confidence that they're not alone. So I appreciate everything that you have done and what you went through to get there. I, as much as I would've loved you to be a nurse, I'm glad that you saw that wasn't for you and that you decided to follow this path because the stories that you have done, the reporting that you've done is not over. I believe that there are huge things coming for you. I think you are. Thank you. Someone who has an opportunity to, and we're going to talk about this opportunity to do you. The way that Jay wants to be done and heard. And I think that's going to make the biggest difference because a lot of times, as we were talking before we got on that, reporting today is not like it was a couple years ago. So tell us a little bit, if you can, about that transition. You came out at 16, you're out, you're, you go to college, you go to nursing school, then you find out that you want to be the storyteller. What, and that sounds strange, but it's not. It's actually cool, right? You're like, this is me chaos. This is why I want to be it's chaos, but it's also that little kid on the playground who wants to dance and sing and skip around, right? You've now come to the spot where you can dance and sing and skip around on your terms. But what was that like? What was that moment when you said. This is who I am, what I want to do. And listen, I didn't think you had the full answer.'cause we're always growing. We're always learning. Yeah, we're always expanding. But what was that moment like? Did you feel a sense of freedom, a sense of justification? What was that like? I felt like I finally was able to answer that question that we all struggle with. What was I made for? What the heck am I doing here? How can I contribute? And I think I always had that, how can I connect with people? How can people connect with me? How can, there was just this thing. And then, so the storytelling part of it really just, it all clicked for me immediately. And it clicked me with one particular story on the power of journalism, right? But then it clicked for me internally, not even while I was in school for journalism. It really clicked, like really after, as I was saying, okay, it's me now and a camera, what am I going to do? And I. I'm so involved in the storytelling as to the writing, the shooting it, the being in front of the camera, being behind the camera. What's the story going to look like, how I'm interviewing the process. So all of it, it really is just, it all clicked for me and it felt, I don't know, that's such a great question because it really, it, I never really thought about how I felt about finding finally what it was that I want to do. I think it it's a little past, like the satisfaction it's way past it. It's more, I don't know, I don't think I have the words yet. I think that it just feels right in my heart. It feels right. And it's fulfilling. And I think that's the most, I think that's the big feeling there to the fulfillment there. But it's important, Jay, because many times when we have successes or failures right in life where we have ups and downs, I've always said this, I think I say it on almost every podcast, who you are is not your circumstances, right? So we may go through tough circumstances in our life, but they're not who we are. It may, it doesn't define us, but it may shift and alter our perception of ourselves. However, I think many times we have great successes in our lives, or even great failures, and we don't take the time to stop, to take a breath and to say, how am I feeling? How am I feeling? How does this make me feel? How did it make me feel when I got bullied in school? How did it make me feel when my father responded a certain way or the church responded a certain way? I think too many times we try to explain it rather than express it. And I think there's a big dis a distinction between that explaining and expressing How did I feel? Yeah. I felt sad. I felt happy. I felt joy. I felt all of those things are the core memories that we need to address and either acknowledge or thank a better term for giving us the opportunity to move forward. Because if we don't feel, yeah, I know a lot of people who don't feel, they don't feel they don't, and they Ooh, yeah. Came across a few, don't feel right. Don't feel it's all very matter of fact. Yeah. Na. And you're like, whoa, that's going to be a rough road for you, because it's those feelings that propel us. So that's why I asked the question, because that feeling then is if it's accomplishment or whatever that feeling is for you, it does propel you to that next level, here you are in New York. When did you meet your partner? Was this before New York or after? Oh, yeah, before. So we're together almost nearly, almost 10 years. And so we met, yeah, we met twenties, almost 2017. Okay. 2017 ish. Kudos to him for asking you. I didn't want to let this go.'cause that was the second thing I wanted to say. Kudos to him for asking You point blank. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? Yes. Oh my gosh. Because you're not going to open that door for yourself. We just don't do it. Go. I really felt, I'm going to be exactly how you said I'm going to do this. And he was like, what you, what do you love? I'm like, I love video. I love storytelling. I want to tell people's stories. And I had, I was already doing it just in my own way with my own little resources, and he was just full throttle behind it. Go back to school. And I was like, you bet your ass. And I'm like, listen, when I put my mind to something, I'll get it done and I'll do it and I'll put 110%. And that's kind the person I've always been. And when I really love something, I will sit there and spend hours on it. And just really sit on it. I lose sleep over passion stories and things like that. Because the first thing on my mind is that person or that thing and or what's happening in the world. Which, like you said, we started this call, we were both like, ah, let's just take a deep breath and let's deep breath. Let's just connect you and me, Eric, at, in this moment in time, and share these parts of of our lives from the therapy side to the storytelling. But, Jay, you've been. Hurling these, I call'em golden ticket moments at us during this conversation. But, one of the things that I think is so important for people to realize and our listeners out there, is that, life does not exist in a monologue. Life only exists in a conversation between two people, right? It doesn't live inside your head. We think it does, but that's not reality. What we think in our heads, it's conversations, it's history, it's all of those things. It's excuses and reasons that we make up in our head, but when you, the minute you speak it out into existence, out to the universe, or your partner asks you, and that dial, that conversation starts, right? The dialogue right between the two, not the monologue, but the dialogue is when that lives and when it gets oxygen and flame and starts to ignite and burn in us many times I sat, quietly contemplating and having in these internal conversations. And it wasn't until I opened my mouth and I started declaring things and having conversations with what I call committed listeners. Like this podcast, I talked about this podcast in my head for two years, three years maybe. And it wasn't until I mentioned it to my coach and he's why aren't you just doing it? Why don't you just do the first one? So I want to ask you,'cause that, I remember my first podcast, I was like, oh God, no one's going to listen to this. Oh. Oh, was that my gosh? What was you're hard on yourself and you're like, I know. I get it. I get that though. There's 250 million podcasts out there. Yeah. What was that first interview like for you? I'm curious. Or give us the backstory. Wait don't answer that question. Give us the backstory real quick. So you're in New York, you get this job. Are you freaking out? Are you panicking? Are you like, this is so exciting and you're like going for it with all your might like what's happening? I will give you, I will give you, so I was freelancing in Miami, so I'm going to give you the network level, like my reporter's notebook Yeah. On the job. Got this big gig, first time imposter syndrome pumping through my veins, but adrenaline passion and wanting to just kill it. They hired me as a writer first. I came in through and so I was writing for NBC out the L-G-B-T-Q vertical that unfortunately does not exist today, but it was a location just for L-G-B-T-Q news. And so I was like, this is perfect. I can tell these stories. And so I think for me, one of those interviews, oh my gosh, I would say was when it, when I really had that moment of OMG was that investigative story that we, you mentioned up top. On the mysterious disappearance and murder of 25-year-old Julio Ramirez, the gay social worker who was bar hopping in Manhattan. I initially, the first interview that I did was with his brother. And so that for me was just, oh my goodness. You really have to separate yourself and try to hear their story while wiping tears. And my nerves were like on fire because I was trying to pull out information without sounding insensitive, but also trying to connect with him, but also trying to keep the guidelines as a journalist, keeping myself neutral as I was hearing what NYPD did and did not do at the moment, what kind of resources they did and did not have at the moment. And so as a journalist there, I'm now going back to my editor. Shout out Brooks Selsa. Incredible. Incredible. Not only human being, but incredible leader for L-G-B-T-Q news. And she led NBC out and created NBC out. But she guided me through this because I was sharing these recordings and I was also listening to myself and how I was asking these questions. And and as a journalist, I was met with that tug of separating myself remaining objective, but also wanting to let them know that I am also being affected by this story, which is so interesting because I was doing these other stories on social media for the platform, on entertainment and at the time maybe some policy and legislation that was being passed and being, being talked about, but this one in particular, my nerves were all over the place because what had transpired was is that now I say to myself, this needs to be video because my heart is in video. This was a, I ended up doing a whole written story. That's the one that really propelled the investigations, that first written piece. And then when we saw the protests happening for Julio Ramirez in Times Square, I pitched a story to the Halle Jackson show, and then Halle Jackson's team is okay, cool. You're going to front it, which means you're going to get on camera, you're going to do this whole thing, and you're going to produce it with this producer, and here you go. And I'm there like, oh my God, what did I just get myself into? But I quickly just brushed that off and said, you were, you are meeting a moment and preparedness meets opportunity. And I said, it's also it Julio Ramirez's story. It's the story. For the Ramirez family. It's the story for our community right now. And the national platform that I have right now is my responsibility. It's my responsibility to tell that story, shake off these nerves and get my ass up there, get on that camera and tell the people what is happening. So I'm sitting there doing my first standup with the crew from the network, and these guys are veterans. Okay. These crew members are really there. Like we've done Olympics, we've done wars, we've done every, and I'm just like, cool. Awesome. And they're like, what's this story about? And I'm just trying to focus and read my standup'cause I'm, don't have a teleprompter, I'm there top, top of the head. The lights are on, you gotta be on. And this was a prerecorded standup. And not to brag, I knocked it out. I did one take and then they were like, do you want one more for a buffer? And I said, sure, maybe one more. They got a nice little hour break after that. And I think in my mind I was like, you are going to knock this out, because we then spent two hours driving to the family's home, the victims' home to meet with that family. And that was a different set of nerves doing an interview in Spanish. While I speak and I write and I understand Spanish as a bi Spanish speaking person as well. It was still very nerve wracking because I was sitting in a place of of a lot of mourning and the energy was just different. All that, to wrap up, that, that story made me super nervous because I wanted to tell it right. It was going to be on the on, on the network. It was, I would say, one of the first opportu major opportunities on camera that I had at the network. And it was such a sensitive story, and I had never done anything like that. I put that Nancy Drew had on it, and I was like doing that hard for storytelling that I'd never done before. So expectations and nerves, but the adrenaline and the family and their testimony and everything that happened after that fueled all of it. And that's, that was, it's all written now and here we are today almost five years later. And that story still really sits and with me as a journalist and as a human. But yeah. And I would imagine it sits with a lot of weight, right? Because you're telling such a powerful story and such a. Personal story for that family and for that victim. And that's a lot of weight to put on someone. I don't know that I could do what you do. I love this kind of storytelling and this kind of conversation. I i'm known as the podcast crier. I think I cry on almost every episode, so some more than others. And sometimes after we stop camera So I can imagine again that there is just some heavy weight that comes with telling those stories and being able to not only hold the family and hold the victim and all that comes with that. And I would imagine imposter syndrome does pop up and I hear from some of my other friends that are journalists that it doesn't really ever go away. Does it go away for you or are you, or do you carry that with you? No. Oh my God, it's every everywhere. Even when thinking, even when talking about it now is even it's my inner saboteur, right? They say it exists. It exists. And I think more and more with the pressures of that journalist face today, it's, it go, it spikes even higher because, you're, when you're reporting this sort of news to a general audience. When you're, when I'm at the White House reporting on, the polls of L-G-B-T-Q voters to doing this on ground investigative piece, you're sitting there the general audience want to hear this. Does the network want this? Who am I? Why? And it clicks no you're supposed to be doing it. But I tell, I have to tell myself that often, or I have the conversation with my partner, somebody where you, like how you said too, you gotta have that dialogue, right? You gotta go, you have to talk it out. Yeah. And so I do a lot of that still. I still talk about my ideas and my passions and things that scare me because that was something that scared me entirely. And so yeah, that imposter syndrome I'm definitely past the limit of it. But it's there, it's tiny. And I just gotta fight it. There, that imposter isn't all of us. I don't care what you do. You can be a teacher, you can be a reporter, you can be a surgeon. I don't care. It's humbling. Alright. It's humbling. It's humbling. And it's there. It's good. It's humbling and it's good because I also think it keeps you human, right? Yeah. And it allows you to, not to use a pun, investigate yourself a little bit and say, yes, Eric. It allows you to do that. Was that good? Did I? Yeah, that was so good. Yeah. So I've been doing what I do in my career now for almost 30 years. And there are moments still 30 years later that I get an opportunity and it's. Scary as I'll get out and I'm thinking, can I do this? Do I have the capabilities? Am I smart enough? Am I this, am I that? Am I talented enough? Do I have enough history? And at the end of the day, you finish and it's oh, that wasn't so bad. And I've been doing this for 30 years. I own the company. It's not like I don't oh my goodness. You have the background and the experience. And so what I think is so interesting about imposter syndrome,'cause we actually had an episode about it, what I think is so interesting about imposter syndrome is especially when it relates to something like you're doing the story is going to get out one way or the other. It's either going to be and we, I think we're seeing that a lot today. We hear one story told one way by one reporter, the same story told by a different reporter a little bit differently. And we were talking a little bit about that before. We jumped on. Yeah. Why I share that is I also think that the storyteller, the reporter, if there's trust there and there's a kind of common connection with you then you become the source. You become that comfort level for that person who's listening to you to grab on a little bit of hope, grab onto the reality of that story. And I think that must come with its own weight as well. To me, that must come with a little bit of responsibility that now there's people relying on you and are counting on you to be that person who speaks the truth and who tells the story. Yeah. Intended. Yeah. Is that correct? It happened. It happened. I think again, shortly after that in-depth piece that we did on the first victim of that robbery and drug drugging scheme it was like this, okay, now we have to capture everyone's story. And so alongside the NBCR reporter, Matt Levita he went and gathered even testimony from other victims who the only difference from the the others was that they survived. And there was, there were two deaths in this ring. So I think after that, and as that was unfolding for the two years until, leading up to their indictment and then being charged and and family regrouping and saying, okay, we maybe have justice here. We have justice. They're put away. But it was then this lingering, I don't know, for me in that moment, I was like, oh my goodness. There's more, there's gotta be more. There is more. And so I was, I would check my Instagram, I would check my emails and I would see, hey, this happened to me similarly in Texas. Hey, this happened to me in Los Angeles. Hey, this happened to my friend. Can I share their contact? Hey, can I do this? And then. It was other stories that were coming in at that point too, because I think I had solidified a lane of the kind of stories that I was doing and people saying, okay, I, I need help. Help me get my story out. Because look at what happened when I feel like what I learned was that these stories were not just informing people, they were protecting people. And that was something that I immediately understood. A real different responsibility. Than just getting the story right, but also as an openly gay man to my own community, you're sitting there oh my God. Baby, your story matters too. And I believe it. And then you sit, you battle and there you battle and you look in a newsroom and you're like, how do I I want to tell everything. I want to tell everything. And that would be my ultimate goal and dream, because we all, like you said, just want to be heard. And I think Oprah said it too, at the end of all her interviews, she would interview all these massive icons and folks, and at the end of every interview, even someone like Beyonce would say, how was that? Did you get everything? How was it like that? Another thing of wanting to be heard is what she said. They just wanted to know that you heard what they said. And I find that really in the heart of where I want, the stories that I continue to tell to be at, I want that to continue to be the beat there. People ask me what my beat is. It's the humans, it's the people. It's the LGBT LGBTQ community. It's the Latino community. It's all the other marginalized community. And I, that's the beat I'm on. I'm on the human beat, right? And I see a way of telling it that goes beyond that headline and that goes beyond the click. I think there's way more to it. And so I really do think that after feeling that responsibility now moving forward in my next story, that I do, the next platform that I contribute to. I hope that. The newsrooms are receptive and I hope that I can still bring that in, into that, into those newsrooms. Yeah. I think this next question could probably be its own episode, so I may need to ask you to give your Readers Digest version.'cause as I was thinking about it, while you were talking like, oh, this, not, this may be a rabbit hole, but when you are deciding and processing and planning and creating the stories and you know that there are so many other stories out there with just an abundance of misinformation, how do you handle that? How do you handle dealing with all that misinformation that's out there and trying to tell your story and have it be again, like you said, seen and heard and understood and realizing that's the truth. Wow. Yeah. Like you said, that can be Yeah. I figured that was a Yeah, that's, but Eric, that's such a great question. I think that, think really. When I'm seeing that I'm just, I'm really focused on what I'm doing. I'm processing it like that, but also I'm not ignoring it because when you ignore it, you then can't squash it in your own piece. You then cannot bring in that voice and say, I had an interview with a trans service member who was being booted, and Ryan Gunderman went on camera. She's a trans woman who started recently transitioning and Army captain and I went to Hawaii to meet her and a group of trans service members who were coping and planning for their next steps after being booted out of the military. And I think in that moment I was like, I have a moment here. An opportunity to really allow these trans service members to tell their story amid the rhetoric and the chaos from the department of. War. And what Hegseth had put out. And I ran a clip and it was something the producer and I spoke about. I ran a clip during the interview with Ryan Gunderman, and at first I had my, I was little, like I had my thoughts about it because I didn't want to trigger anything. But what I wanted to do was show in that interview the fewer reaction from Ryan Gunderman of what Hegseth had said about trans service members. About what he said, and I quote, no more dudes in dresses we're done with that fit. And quote right there, I ran that clip during the interview and I, it reminded me of, okay, this is what y'all are putting out, this is what we're seeing. This is the noise. Let's bring the noise into this interview and let's hear a live reaction. Let's get that reaction there. But also, let's show you Ryan's life. Let's show you what Ryan is going through. Let me show you what other trans service members around the country are going through. And all of that. Again, it steps into, and it really just brings this humanity into the story. Someone who's watching is no longer thinking that's just a trans person that is a human being. That is someone who served your country, who served your country, and what you'll get from that story is not anything that us producers and reporters could have put. But their main thing was, we want to continue to serve our country. Period. And that in the moment that it was met at where this where the executive orders were being signed and the Department of War had released the, we're going to start having these trans service members transition out. To use that word, they're transitioning them out, but losing benefits and everything. That story, my goal was to get to the core of it, which was Ryan's story and the story of the other veterans trans service members and veterans who were coping with this and also hearing this noise daily. I answered that, but definitely could be a whole different episode. Yeah. I, it reminds me in season one I interviewed, I, I get a lot of my inspiration. I find a lot of people like you on Instagram. As much as I am not a huge fan all the time I spend a little too much time on there. But I do find some amazing humans and yourself included. But season one, I was flipping through when I found someone that I wanted to interview. His name is Archer. And trans man had never told a story before. I tell the story that he was posting these amazing videos. He called them thirst traps. I did not, he called them thirst traps. Love. And I said, they're great stories with lip syncing and this really funny and I did not know he was trans until I got maybe 50, 60 posts down his feed. Okay. And I called him and I said, Hey, I'd love to interview you or have a conversation with you. Have you ever told your story before? And he said, no, I haven't told my story. I said, but if you'd feel comfortable, I'd love to have you on. And so he came on as a guest. I was so excited. We did an hour and 20 minute episode, and to this day, he has the number one most listened to and downloaded episode out of all three seasons. Wow. And the reason I share that is because I thought at the end of the conversation that no one was going to necessarily bite into it and that it might be met with a little bit of uncomfortableness, because let's face it that, that section of our community is often misunderstood and underrepresented. And so absolutely what we started to watch happen is the stories kept going and the downloads kept coming. And so I thought, I'm going to test this theory, I'm going to invite him back for number two. And it was right after the election and I wanted to check in with him to see how he was feeling and how he was coping. And that episode is the number two most downloaded podcasts. Wow. And most listened to episode. So I say all that because I really believe that the reason that it's done so well is because people wanted the knowledge. They wanted to hear a conversation that was based in someone telling their story, not someone reporting some statistic about their community. Yes. And I think that was the power, and I don't think I know that was the power in that story. Which has then catapulted my. Commitment to tell as many stories as I possibly can, especially within the queer community and the trans community because it does cause such a shift. So that story that you did, and like you said, it could be multiple episodes and maybe you'll come back someday. We can talk about it. But the misinformation. Yeah, the misinformation is what fuels the rhetoric and the fire and all of those things that we're facing today. And again, I'll say it, I'll probably say it a couple more times before we say goodbye. I want to thank you for having the courage and the commitment to go out and to tell the stories despite the difficult potential. Backlash or non-running of the story. You can gimme the technical terms. Sorry, I'm not that up on those. Yeah. And you face that fear, you face that potential and you still go for it. So I'm wondering what, in this current climate what is your commitment as a reporter to keep these stories going? What's, on your vision board, let's say? For Jay? Yeah. I think at this moment right now, my, my commitment is prioritizing those voices that often are not prioritized in these newsrooms, on these networks, on these platforms. I think now, as I am literally off the heels of finishing my contract with NBC, seeing a world of opportunity with not only what I've been able to do, but what I can do now with the time and the resources that I have. And I see more original reporting. I see the stories that maybe folks forgot about, or didn't even think to look at. I'm seeing more nods to history in my reporting because I think now we're met at a time, like you said too, that we're looking maybe at history repeat itself, but that this moment in time history has a lot to do with how we're going to understand and digest these things. And I think continuing to document these voices as a storyteller is so important. So in any capacity that I can do that, moving forward, I will be doing it, prioritizing those voices. I didn't have a voice most of my teenage years. And I can really say that after really reflecting on that with this time I've had, I was go the last five years. And I've had the last three weeks to really sit and reflect on not only what I'm doing next, but on myself and with therapy and it's, our voices are so important and they're like literally a look into someone's soul. And I think we need to put the soul back into the stories. And I want to continue to do that in any medium that is. I think it's really interesting. This episode is about you. So I'm not going to name names, but I have been fascinated by many reporters. I follow quite a few of them that are on major networks. Some are local, some are national, some are global. And who no longer work for those big broadcast agencies have done it on their own. You, we've seen it in some of the reporting through the chaos that we're dealing with now. And there are so many opportunities for you. And that's why I said earlier, I don't know necessarily what's next for you. I can't see into the future, but I definitely think that who you are and the commitment that you have for telling other people's stories so that they don't feel alone is what is going to save our community. It really is. There's someone out there sitting in some part of the country or some part of the world that is feeling lost and feeling scared. And I know of one person in particular who's trans, who's afraid to leave their house. Oh my. Because they're afraid of what's going to happen. And so she's not the only one. We're living in a world that is creating a lot of fear, but I really believe that there are opportunities for them to get connected. When you mentioned earlier about this segment of NBC news that dealt with L-G-B-T-Q stories, I didn't even know that existed. So until you brought it up, and and listen, I'm not, tooting my horn. I'm also not putting myself down, but I know a lot of gay stuff and I didn't know that was even a thing. So yes, I think it's important that we really spread the word and get the word out and help people know that there are opportunities for them to connect. And that's so important. So thank you for the work that you're doing. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. And to those who are listening, there are journalists like myself who are part of your community in many ways. And even when you think that your story might not be important. It is. It is important, and you can help someone. It can help you by sharing your story. We've seen it, I've seen it with my own eyes. I could probably talk to you forever. We said that on our onboarding call the other day. We've established that. We've established that you and I, Eric, we're we need to meet in person and really just do a digest of both of our lives. I enjoyed every single minute. Yeah. I always struggle because I try to be respectful of our listeners time and conversations like this. Sometimes take more than an hour. But I asked you what was next for you. I would love to ask you a personal question if you don't mind what's next for you and your partner? Ooh, wow. Yeah. We're celebrating. Nine years in April. Awesome. So I keep doing that estimate of, we're 10 years together, we're decades together. I think right now we're, I got a few photos of a few rings and that's never happened. So may, maybe down the line we maybe tying the knot. And I think right now we're just in this space now where we're getting a little bit more time together. I'm usually traveling a lot. And so is he. So we're getting some time in and reflecting on what that looks like. So yeah, I'm really excited. When you find someone, I wasn't putting any pressure on him. No, it's not putting any pressure on him or you at all on Eric. It's been on for years. I had a five year. I had a little, I think a lot of us have timelines in different situations and relationships, and I always say after I said, after five years, if this ain't happening, then listen I gotta be like I need some, I need the ring. We need to establish this. But we're so established already I already feel married in the best way possible. Yeah, I think we're growing in the last five years have been insane and we've been coping with the changes. How, just me traveling, him traveling to, and just really growing and the work that we do, so I love that. And someone who's supportive and he's always been number one supporter. And I've a part of my board members, I say. And that sounds weird, but people who advocate for you Yeah. And do that No, I and want to see you do the best that you can. I call them my inner sanctum. Ooh, wait. I like that one. That sounds less, mine sounds super corporatey. Like I like the inner no, I like how I like this board sounds. You can steal inner sanctum, but I also, it's funny because I share a lot. I really believe in coaching. I believe in accountability partners. I believe that we need those, people to hold us to the things that we say and that we do. So I believe in therapists and coaches and all that, but as they call them on. The real Housewives franchise, your glam squad. I call them my life squad because I would be nowhere without these is so good people, they may not do my hair, but they do me really well to keep me in line. So I think the inner sanc is important. And I asked about your partner because I also cherish love. I think it is something that's utterly amazing. And when you share the story about how he asked you what you wanted to do, I think that's really important. It's important to have someone that you can come home to at the end of the day, whether it's a friend, it'd be great if it was a partner, but a friend or someone that you can share those things with. The biggest challenge for me during Covid was I had just gone through a pretty nasty and an unexpected divorce. And then we're all of a sudden in shutdown, and then we're trying to navigate and figure out. What's happening? When's this going to end? Yeah. And a year and a half in, we're still alone. We're still in lockdown. We cannot, be out seen walking on the beach. It's tough. Yeah. And so I'm back in this dating pool right now, and I hear all these, there's a couple walking around the resort today that just got engaged last week, and I was grilling them on all the questions. I'm like, where'd you meet? How'd you meet? It's because I think it's important dating a whole episode. A whole episode. So hold on to him.'cause dating is tough. I've had several episodes on dating. It's tough out there right now. It is definitely. I feel like today it's just, I don't know. Other words for it that we won't get into today, but All right. Listen my last question, and I hope you'll come back. You're always welcome to come back and share some more stories and to share a little bit about your journey. Thank you. I'm super grateful. Again, like I said, but I do have one final question. Okay. If you could go back to that very young Jay perhaps around the times that he was being bullied or trying to figure out who he was, what would you say to him about his life today? Wow. I would say to him that direct message would be keep smiling. Don't let them bring you down. Wear your hair out the way you want. Embrace yourself. You are beautiful inside and out and you are loved and everything will be okay. Mom loves you, your dad loves you, and you're going to find great community. So that would be the direct message. That's super important. That's really powerful. That direct community or that, community that you share is really important. Yeah. I don't think we realize it back then or when we're kids, but when we look to the future and we look and see the people around us, I wouldn't be able to survive without them. So I would not have, and I think that every single person in your life is an experience. Those that are there, those that have left, those that have, that no longer walked this earth, everyone is an experience. But I feel like you said earlier too, that sanctum, that glam squad, that my squad, it's so important. I didn't realize how important that was. So I always say, and I think that's where someone could feel alone. That's how I, that's how I get through every day. That's how I've gotten through some tough reporting. That's how I've gotten through some tough circumstances mentally, is the people that I was around the community that chosen family so important to me. I gained so much family after coming out, and I'm so grateful for it. One last thing I'll say before we say goodbye is you bring up a good point. And it's super powerful that there are probably people out listening and young people out there that don't feel connected. They don't feel like they have an inner sanctum or a posse or a group of people. And what they can do about it is to find that one space, whether it's a podcast, whether it's a group that's in their hometown, if they don't have that available, the internet, although we must be careful, the internet is also a place where they can find that community. And it's so important because they're not alone. You may think you are, but you're not alone. There's an entire community that are out there waiting to embrace and to support and to love and to hear your story, and to hear their story is really important. So Jay, we're going to go ahead and put a way to connect with you on social media. I wish you only the best. I'm so excited to see what comes next. Oh, thank you for you. And we will meet soon. I can love it. I love that idea. I can feel it. I love that plan already. I know a real, I know a really good wedding planner, but but I want to thank you again. Really thank you for your time today and thank you for sharing your story and it's just been delight. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much. And for those who do want to follow the stories or follow my journey, I'm at the official jva on all platforms. Thank you. We're going to make sure they have the link. Have a wonderful week and we'll be in touch soon. Bye Eric. Bye for now. All right, everyone. Thank you again for joining us on today's episode. I hope our conversation resonated with you like it did me, and I cannot wait to sit down with you all again next week. Remember to subscribe to the Just Do You Podcast on your favorite platform so you can make sure not to miss a new episode, which drop every Thursday. If you like what you hear, you could easily share the podcast and episode directly with your friends. And if you would rate us and leave us a review, we'd love to hear from you. You can also follow us on Instagram at Just Do You pod. As you go out back into the world today remember to just do you. Alright, talk next week.