S3E08 with Nikki K. Lopez - Soft Heart. Strong Soul.

There are moments in life when the hardest question is not what we do…
but who we truly are beneath the expectations, fear, labels, survival, and the roles we’ve spent years playing for everyone else.

This week on JUST DO YOU., I’m joined by Northern California entrepreneur, caregiver advocate, author, and LGBTQIA+ voice Nicola Lopez for a deeply honest and heartfelt conversation about identity, healing, purpose, and the courage it takes to live authentically.

Inspired by her book Lesbian, Who Are You?, Nikki shares her journey of navigating truth, visibility, belonging, and what it means to stop hiding pieces of yourself just to feel accepted. But her story goes even deeper than that.

Rooted in the love and lessons passed down through her family — especially the powerful influence of her grandmother in Jamaica — Nikki transformed personal caregiving experiences into a mission-driven life dedicated to helping others. Through her organizations, Caring Haven and Caregiver OneCall, she now supports families navigating aging, dementia, caregiving, and the emotional realities that come with caring for the people we love most.

This conversation is about identity.
It is about compassion.
It is about resilience.
And it is about the deeply human journey of finally allowing yourself to be seen fully and unapologetically.

Because JUST DO(ing) YOU. is not about becoming someone else.
It is about finding the courage to come home to who you’ve been all along.

To find Nikki's books, visit https://www.amazon.com/Lesbian-Who-Are-You-Belonging-ebook/dp/B0DXRLBLV3?utm_source=chatgpt.com and https://www.amazon.com/When-Strong-Get-Tired-Caregiving/dp/196792760X?utm_source=chatgpt.com

To find out more about Nikki's amazing caregiving work, visit https://caringhavenhomecare.com/?utm_source=chatgpt.com and  https://caregiveronecall.org/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Thank you for joining us and we can't wait to welcome you back again next week! New episodes drop every Thursday and can be found wherever you find your favorite podcasts!  

Remember to like, rate, share and subscribe to the JUST DO YOU. podcast in order to receive our weekly episode updates!  If you like what you hear, please leave us a review at Apple Podcasts!

To follow us on Instagram, visit: https://www.instagram.com/justdoyoupod/

Want to learn more about our host, Eric Nicoll?  Visit:  https://ericnicoll.com

Transcript

0:06

Hello, everyone, and welcome to season three of the Just Do You podcast. I'm Eric Nicoll, your host, and I'm so glad you decided to join us today. Whether this is your very first time joining in on the conversation or you've been listening along since the beginning, thank you for being here. This podcast exists because of you, your stories, your courage, and your willingness to keep choosing yourself even when it's not easy. The Just Do You podcast is a safe space for authentic, unscripted conversations that connect us, inspire us, and remind us of who we are at our core. Together, we're going to explore confidence, voice truth, and what it means to step fully into what I call the Just Do You sweet spot, that place where you are living honestly, intentionally, and unapologetically. This new season is about growth, reflection, possibility, and community. I'll be sitting down with friends, colleagues, community leaders, and influencers who are willing to share their journeys, the wins, the challenges, and everything in between. We'll laugh, we may shed a few tears, but in the end, we're going to continue to remind one another that none of us is walking this path alone. So are you ready? Great. Let's do this. Welcome to season three of the Just Do You podcast. All right, everyone. Welcome to today's episode. I am really excited today to sit down with my guest, and I cannot wait to introduce you to her. She came to me as a referral from a wonderful friend and f- former podcast guest. And when I reached out to him and said, "Hey, who do you know that would be a good fit for the Just Do You podcast?" Nikki's name came up first. It's really awesome to have her here with me today. So Nikki Lopez is an award-winning entrepreneur, author, and advocate whose work is transforming senior care and caregiver support across the East Bay. As the founder of Caring Haven Home Care and Caregiver One Call, a 24/7 emotional support line, Nikki's deeply committed to serving families with compassion and dignity. She's a recognized leader and Antioch-based business owner. Nikki was named Entrepreneur of the Year by Renaissance Entrepreneur Center in San Francisco for her impact in senior care and community service. She's also the author of Lesbian: Who Are You? A Journey Through Love, Identity, and Belonging, and a powerful voice for representation as an out Black woman, championing advocacy in elder care, caregiver support, and economic empowerment. I'm really looking forward to the conversation today. Nikki brings both heart and passion to everything he- she does, and I'm so glad that she's with us. So I wanna introduce everyone to Nikki Lopez. Hi, Nikki. Hi, Eric. Thanks for having me. Of course. I'm excited. It's my pleasure. I always, love reading people's bios that I see in articles, and ones that are written by the actual person and ones that have been written by let's say, an author of a particular article. And it's always fascinating to me because when I read people's bios, they always sit and I watch them smile through the introduction. And what I love about that is I don't necessarily know that we wake up every morning and think through our bio, right? Or step into our bio. And so first of all, super impressive. I am in love with the book. I can't wait to delve into it. But again, I'm just super grateful to have you here today, and thanks for joining us. Thank you. Thanks for having us. Sure. And thank you for getting the book. Of course. Of course. Of course. So what I like to do, Nikki, as as I mentioned, the Just to You podcast is a conversation. It's like we're sitting down having a cup of coffee, getting to know each other, and it's an opportunity for us to connect on a level that I think is really missing today. We are very disconnected as human beings- with, I say, information coming at us like a fire hose every single day. Many days we just survive or we navigate from point A to point B in trying to make sure that we can keep ourselves together. And so I like this to be a conversation between friends. So I'd love to know a little bit more about Nikki and your start. Where were you born? Where did you grow up? Brothers and sisters, family life, that type of thing, and then we can take it from there. So give us a little, give us a little background on the young Nikki. Yeah. Just in case the accent wasn't clear enough, I am actually from Jamaica, so born and raised in Jamaica. Actually came to the US when I was 24. So I really did those formative, for lack of a better word, years in Jamaica. A rural area in St. Elizabeth. Okay. So the typical tourist wouldn't know where St. Elizabeth is in Jamaica. Very country, very rural. My grandfather was a farmer. My grandma and my mom were stay-at-home women. And so they, I... They raised me, and, just a lot was... I look back at it, and Jamaicans are known for tough love. There was just a lot of, quote-unquote, "pressure" placed on me. I'm the oldest. Okay. For my mom, she had me as a teenager. She was 18, so absolutely no idea what to do with a kid, and the way that she mothered was the true Jamaican way, just push, push push. And, you just constantly had to be great and do great things in school. And so I grew up kinda just being pushed constantly by my mom- Okay and my family, and just wanting- Somehow they saw something in me. They kept telling me that, "You gotta go to school and do this and do that, and you're going to be amazing." And back then, we, what is amazing? You don't know. You just know you're terrified of getting a poor grade in school. Exactly. And yeah, so I lived, I kinda grew up with the pressure of, I, I would say then wanting to please my mom, and but now I'm so grateful, just so grateful for how she raised me, and I see lots of that in how I raise my kids, how many... You're the oldest of how many? I'm the oldest of five. Oh, wow. I'm the oldest of five, yes. See, I have no idea what that's i'm an only child. I have no concept at all. Oh. And I hear people on this podcast talk about, brother, sister, five. I think the most we've had is 10, and it just overwhelms me- Wow 'cause I'm an only child for my entire life. Oh, wow. So that's wonderful. That's wonderful. Is the pressure that you think from her was it, as we said, cultural? And why is that, do you think, as a Jamaican kind of rule? Is it... what, where does that come from? It's definitely cultural, and growing up in Jamaica and honestly even now there's still some some aspects of it where education is just the number one thing. You're taught two things. You've gotta do great in school. Education is a must, and you have to respect elders. So a- across the board, what, wherever, uptown, downtown, the rough areas, you'll know two things, education, respect for elders. And the reason education is a big deal is because you weren't raised to be an entrepreneur. Yeah. You weren't raised to have your own business. You're raised to find a great job with a great company and report to a male boss, right? So tho- those things, they're not thinking- Oh that you can be, they're just thinking education to be qualified enough for this marvelous job- but never to be an entrepreneur or to own your own business. And I, it's obviously we know now, it's limitations being placed on you growing up- Back then it didn't feel that way because we're a small country, it's a third world country, not a whole lot of, options there then. So for me, it was more along, it's just what everybody else does. You had to be a teacher or a lawyer or a doctor. And even if you're not that's what your family expects of you. And if that didn't happen, you're like the outcast, and so there's a lot of pressure- Yeah growing up to be one of those top professions per se, or banking. Ironically, I ended up in banking in the US, but Is that a big push also to have this education and to get those one, those good grades so that you stay and work within Jamaica? Or is there an expectation that you will leave the country and come to the US or somewhere else? Stay and work in Jamaica. Yeah, for sure. It was the toughest decision for me to migrate to the US. And it was so hard on my family, but for sure it's to stay there and give- back to the country. What was that like growing up back then? Like you said, different circumstances. I'm not going to ask how old you are. But different circumstances back then than there are now. Now's- Yeah super complicated and tough, and I look at some of the kids that are growing up today and am just curious but also cautious about how they're going to tell the story about growing up in this day and age, especially here in the United States. So when you were growing up there, did you have aspirations of doing those things that your p- mother and grandmother expected of you? Or were you already starting to push back a little bit and say, "No, I'm Nikki. I think I'm going to be me. I think I'm going to follow my own drummer." What was that like? So interestingly, no, I didn't push back, which is so different from the Nikki now. Yeah. The Nikki growing up was this obedient little girl, I wanted all these praises from my family and my neighbors, and it made me feel good. And ironically, even now, it's weird because I'm not a, word of affirmation person. I don't need words to be validated. But back then, that made me feel so good. So I didn't push back. I just really wanted to do what they wanted me to do. And I couldn't dream. I didn't have a TV until I was maybe 11 years old, so I spent the bulk of my time reading books. And so I would picture myself in all these places, but- Ultimately, a part of me was like, "Oh, it's just, it's a book. Stick to the facts of what you are. You're in Jamaica. There are so many options. Your path is laid out. Your mom wants you to be this, that, or the other." Go for that. And then by the time you get exposed to the world of TV, it just, it's black and white, for one. Literally- watching a black and white TV. And you see the news and then you're like, "Oh my gosh, there's war in all these far places." Because again, as a kid, just sounds so far and overwhelming. And I'm like, "No, I'm safe right here in Jamaica-" "where I'm at." So I was actually really comfy with my life growing up as a kid. Even so comfortable, I didn't realize we were extremely poor. It was, years later, like my final years in high school, when I would see other kids around me, and one particular person made a comment about my mom because she wore the same outfit to every PTA meeting. And that's when I realized how poor we were, and the sacrifices my mom made for me. But she said that to be mean. Mean girls, high school, works hand-in-hand. But it just gave me so much more respect for my mom, because she hid all of that, it, what I know is there was pressure, yes, but there was just so much love in my home. And that's the lens I still choose to see the world in- is that love exists, and- and love is truly what should be- Yeah driving us day to day. Do you think that love helped you navigate that bullying that was coming from other people, when they are making comments about you or your mom or your social status or of your, or your finances. Was it the love that you were experiencing at home that helped you navigate through that with such a positive attitude? Yes, so much they would tell me all the time it's their, they're the problem. They're the problem, which can be bad as an adult because then, your family kinda don't tell you when you're wrong in relationships, et cetera. Yeah. But I grew up hearing, "They're the problem. Don't let it bother you. There's a reason, that they're upset because you're pretty," or, whatever it is. They would just say so many things to validate me through that process. And so I grew up... Yes, that was bullying, and I grew up knowing it happened, but I, for some reason, knew my family love was there, and that was always my safe space. And as an adult, I strive for safe spaces, which is my home. I love my home, and I deliberately choose spaces that I'm going to feel safe in- when I do decide to venture anywhere. I think that's an important point to make is that you choose those safe spaces, and I think it's... these days that's what I search for, right? I search for those safe spaces within my yoga community or my, meditation community. It's my home also my safe space. Someone said to me the other day, they're like, you don't have too many people or too many parties at your house, and you've been there for six years. I've never been to your home." And I didn't wanna say, "'Cause this is my safe haven. This is my energetic space." Yes. And I will come to you. I will come to you. I love protecting this space for me because in this world that we live in, I come here to decompress. I travel a lot with work. My work is very stressful. I'm in the process of launching a new division of my company, and I come home, and this is where I retreat, and I spend time with the dog, and I spend time doing my podcast, and I spend time in my garden, walking the neighborhood and really trying to make this the place where I can come despite what's happening in the world and just be at peace. So I get it. I totally get it. No, really, Dylan. It's important. No, really, Dylan. Oh, it is. And we all need that. Listen- Yes we all need that opportunity, and some people find it in people- other people, in groups. It's funny, someone said to me the other day "You must be really social because of the work that you do." I'm a corporate meeting planner, and incentive planner, and I'm always around large groups of people. What's funny in my personal life is I don't do well with crowds. I don't like crowds. I like one-on-one. I like- five or six people, sitting around a dinner table or at a coffee shop or walking on the beach. So it's just interesting, right? People have that that assumption. But it's so important to find those places that you can call safe. I can imagine that having a mom like you did, you said shaped and guided you to be the mother that you are. So tell us a little bit about your family. Yeah. So I grew up big family, really big family. So mom, dad grandma, grandpa. I will be honest it was mostly just the love from my grandparents. And I'm going to segue a little bit because I never- Yeah talk about my grandma. She's 99 years old, and, Is she still with us? Yes. She's still with us? Yes. I love that. She is. She's going to be 100 in November, and just absolutely my favorite human being on this planet. Is she a Scorpio? Is she a Scorpio, baby? Yes, she is. I knew I loved her. So am I. I love her. I love her already. But she, I even though I grew up with a family and lots of cousins, it was, I just remember always having conversations with Grandma, always. And even though she was stay-at-home, at one point she actually used to sell little snacks and juices at the school that I- that I... and that is a primary school in Jamaica, which is like an elementary school here. So I would be able to go to my grandma during recess or break and sit with her and talk- Aw and get my snacks. And I just remember having those moments with her. And my grandma is very Christian-focused. And and I'm saying that because there's, everything about this woman just speaks to authenticity, right? And she lives by not necessarily what a book says, but what should genuinely be right. And I'm saying what a book says because now when you mention Christianity, the Bible is all over the place, right? And to me strays away from fundamentally what it should be, is love for all and acceptance. Yes. And my grandma was just always that person. I would see her doing that in the neighborhood, my grandfather was a farmer, as I mentioned, and when he came home from what we call the bushes, he came home with his- ground provisions and stuff, my grandma would be handing stuff out to the neighbors. So I grew up seeing a lot of love, a lot of giving back, just a lot of community, right? And of course, we use the word community a lot in Jamaica. Now I'm realizing, oh my gosh, community is such a powerful word when I do- Yeah use it here. So I grew up with love. I grew up seeing neighborly stuff happening all the time. I grew up in a home where- We were rich with love, right? And rich with the respect that we got from our neighbors, and, fundamentally was because of my grandparents. So I've always been in a protected space, right? I mentioned safe space with my home. It was always that. And so it, when I think about how I raised my kids, in America no less- my daughter was born in Jamaica, but she left at four. I brought a lot of that, some would say sheltered or, all the different terminologies, but what I really wanted my kids were to feel safe around me and to feel safe in whatever space I put them in. So that, needless to say, came with a lot of rules. Yes. They weren't too happy about that. Now they are, because again, they're 21 and 26. They realize now, "Oh, Mom, you really, you were strict. I get it, but I see why you did the things you did." But I wouldn't trade my childhood back home. I talk about some stuff. I talk about walking bare feet back home. We had Hurricane Melissa last November. Yeah. And we didn't have power. We just got power back at my grandma's house like a month ago, right? So- What? I talk about those things, and it's almost like people pity me, and I'm like, "No, I had the best life," I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. I had love. I had food. Again, my grandfather's a farmer, so we always had meals on the table. I had my books to go to school. I was always neatly and sharply dressed. I still love dressing up. It's quite common when someone hear any type of Third World country or picturing someone walking around bare feet or houses that may have zinc roofs or whatever, people start thinking sufferation and sadness. Those were the absolute best days of my life. If only I could go back to those feelings. Yeah, and it's such a great... you... W- when you're sharing now, it's bringing back a memory. I went to South Africa on safari with a family that I used to do events for, and they invited me to come on this once-in-a-lifetime trip. And I remember going. Very wealthy family, very generous and very giving, but there was an assumption about where we were going in Johannesburg before we went on to doing the safaris, and it was very opulent. But in Johannesburg, we had the opportunity to go to Alexandria, which was a community outside of the city center. I wanna say, 300,000 people, live in a four-square-mile radius. Wow. And as we were on our way in the van, I remember some of the people on this trip speaking in such a way that showed the assumptions of what they thought we were going to experience when we got there. this poor community, right? That they thought was suffering, they thought would show up a certain way. And I kept remembering my parents lived in Africa for a while prior to me being born, so I've always been raised with that global look, right? That you cannot make assumptions at all. And so I was sitting in the car, and I was like, "Let's just wait till we get there, and let's see." And I was blown away, Nikki, when we got there. I have never seen a more beautiful town that encompassed hundreds of thousands of people, sometimes three and four and five to a shack, right? With dirt floors. So clean, so put together. A beauty shop on every corner. Everybody was just smiles. And it was so interesting. One of the young adults that was with us said, "They look so happy." And the gentleman from the UN said, "They are happy because they have a beautiful life." And it was so interesting to see the response in the facial expressions because this family comes from a tremendous amount of money. And so their mindset at the end of this trip was completely changed by that experience. And those assumptions can be really difficult sometimes. And we see that happening current day, not just in South Africa. We see that happening here, is the assumptions of what other countries may look like or may experience can be really far from the truth. Exactly. And so I love sharing stories like that because it just brings us into your home. I'm sitting there with your grandmother right now. I can feel her presence. I have to send you the link to a documentary that I went to the other day from a friend of mine. Her company put this documentary on, and it was called Grandma Stands. And it was where they had grandmothers in New York City sit behind this little lemonade-type stand with a question that was posed on the front of the stand, and the question changed based on- the day. And these grandmothers would sit and listen to people, children to seniors, that would come and answer the particular question. And one question may be, "What's troubling you today?" Or, "Where are you feeling lonely or less than?" And it makes me cry just thinking about it- Yeah because they- Listened and interviewed about 70 people, and the conversations that these people had with this, these grandmas, and I had the privilege of meeting a few of them at the documentary- were so beautiful that it took me back to my grandmother. My mom's mom raised me as well. My mom was there. She was a teacher. And I say raised me not to say that my mother wasn't there. Yeah. But after school every day, I would go to my grandmother's, and we would sit, and we would watch Days of Our Lives together. And she had these custard cups that, you make custard in, and she would make me applesauce from a, from an apple. And we would just talk, and we would share, and we would laugh. And losing her- when I did- yeah was one of the biggest losses. But what's so interesting is that she's still with me today. She loved hummingbirds, and she had a hummingbird feeder outside of her window. And the hummingbirds would come, and she would talk to them in the window. And at her funeral, or her memorial service, I should say, which was at the house, under an oak tree we had a table where people got up and were able to say something about my grandmother, and a hummingbird at the beginning of the service flew in and landed on a branch above the table. Oh my gosh. That was her. And hum- hummingbirds come and go. They don't stick around. Yeah. They come, and they go, and they're everywhere. This hummingbird sat there the entire service, and then it took off when we were all done. And I thought that was the end of it. I thought, "That's so strange. There's this hummingbird." This hummingbird has come to visit me at every home that I've lived in- Wow since that moment all around California. And so when we talk about the power of our family and our community, it's real. And I think sometimes we don't pay attention to the impact that it has for us when we are younger. I think we take it for granted. I'm noticing that as my mom's getting older. I'll be 60 this year. I won't say her age 'cause she'll smack me. But she, another year older. And I'm watching that experience and realizing just how precious that time is that we have with our family. So thank you for sharing about your family and about your grandmother and your mom. I can see it, and I can see them in you. I can see how you light up. So it's a beautiful- Thank you beautiful thing, and I appreciate you sharing that for me. I wanna ask a couple questions about the transition from school- and from college. And how did you get into... was it finance? Yes. Yes. Finance. When I came to the US, yeah. So when you came to the US, you went into finance. That's a far cry from caregiving. Very far cry. It's, it- How did... talk a little bit about coming to the US. What was that experience like, coming to the US from China? Yeah. So- Coming to the US, wow. It's one of the things, I will say it's a dream. That there's this big crazy dream that I would think most countries still have even today with the craziness about the American dream, right? You envision it at some point. You wanna experience it, get that visa, that your tourist visa, and you go back home. I never anticipated living in the US, again, just because of fam- familial ties that I had back home. Sure. And like I said, my daughter was four, and I really wanted her to have that grandma-grandpa love that I grew up with. And I met someone and got married, and so that is how I transitioned to the US. And- Okay life just changed significantly for me then. Remember, a safe space matters to me. This person absolutely was not a safe space- in any way, shape, or form. So here I was, navigating a marriage, first time ever. Navigating, even though I lived with someone, really felt like single parent at this point with my daughter. Because at least in Jamaica, I had a system. I had a network. Sure. I had friends. I had coworkers. I had family, right? And so I was navigating really in my mind being a single mom and learning a whole new country. Oh, my gosh. Talk about a lot. I moved to Savannah, Georgia, where I couldn't even understand the accent. It's I remember, Mary is her name, and I remember we moved into an apartment and she introduced herself. And it took me two months to recognize she was saying Mary. I didn't know she was saying her name was Mary. And then she would say stuff like- That's hilarious her friend girl instead of girlfriend, right? And so I'm trying to connect all these little things, and I'm like, "What the heck place is this?" Because I'm associating- this America holistically, right? So- it was a huge learning curve and navigating turbulent marriage. And then in, in that, I got pregnant with my son, so- the transition was really difficult. I think- more difficult than it realistically should have been. Which is why I stress to my kids, and probably too much info for this, but I stress to my kids just taking the time to slow down and truly know the person you bring into your life and your space, especially in an intimate relationship. Because chaos, oh, my gosh, talk about chaos in that period. I couldn't enjoy the experience of leaving one country to the next and try to find, focus on the good. That's tough. There was just no good- yeah for p- for years. And so it took, also took a while for me to get a job because I couldn't work because weirdly enough, ironically enough, I would've been considered illegal, especially with everything that's happening now. Because he was in the military, I got all these promises because he was in the military, when I came here I would be able to work. That was absolutely not the case. Oh, wow. I didn't know anything about this. I had never wanted to live in the US, so it's not like I ever researched it. Dumb of me. So I kinda took, everything that was being said, and then I came here and realized I couldn't work. So there was also that. Fully independent person back home, had my own place. Had a decent job. I used to work for the media house back home called The Gleaner Company, which is almost 200 years now. It's a newspaper. And so to walk away from that to, and now become stay-at-home, right? Not by choice. There was also that dynamic I was navigating. And so when I finally could work, of course, that's all I knew, was the newspaper business. So I applied for Savannah Morning News in Savannah, Georgia, and I got the job there. And ironically, that's how I got into banking. Now I'm going to age myself without giving my age. But Yahoo! HotJobs was a big thing then in newspapers- Oh, yeah and they, the classifieds in the newspaper, and they started advertising with us. And the Yahoo! HotJobs would send over these ads, and you never know which company it was. You just had the job description and all the things, and I was reading one and it mentioned, managing people. It mentioned sales. I'm in advertising. I've been in newspaper. Obviously, I had to learn to sell. May not be great at it- but I know the concepts, right? I was just reading and I'm like, "Huh. Interesting. I think I'm going to apply for this." I didn't know exactly why I wanted to apply, when you just don't feel quite happy somewhere where you are. Yeah. And it could've been, again, the dynamics of that marriage. I don't know. But I wasn't happy and I was just, dabbling. And when I got called for the interview, it was a bank. It was actually Bank of America then. Interviewed and got the job. It was, oh wait a minute. I... When I found out it was a bank, I was like, "No, absolutely not." I'd never had thoughts of working in a bank. Again, back home, you're in a bank, you're like this big shot, right? You're just... A- and now you're standoffish and away from the rest of us locals, and have your own little office, and in a very high-profile jobs. That has just never really been my thing. I wasn't raised that way, right? I was raised to be humble and, yeah. But, It was an assistant manager position with Bank of America, and I was like, "It can't be." I said, "I've never been a teller. I've never this, I've never that." I'm coming up with all these things in my mind. And then our first meeting ever, the entire team meeting, I remember the district manager at the time I think that's still their name, he asked a question, and no one could answer, and I answered it. And, it was... when we got off that call I got an email from his assistant that he wanted to, have some time with me. And so a week later, I think, or maybe a couple days later we spoke, and he was like, "I know you applied and we asked you to be an assistant manager, but we're going to give you a branch manager position." I'm like, "What?" So I ended up with zero banking experience- Wow as a branch manager with Bank of America. I'm like, "You've got to be the flipping kidding me." I was nervous, Eric, but they had really good training then, I will say. And so got my feet wet in that space, then worked through my divorce and moved to California. Moved here and was with Chase again, stayed with the big banks. Moved my way up from branch manager with Chase to their trainer just because I used to have perfect audits. I can so see that. I can so see you as a trainer. I knew it. I knew it. Yes. Yeah, so I became a trainer in that. I love to travel, so that was honestly probably the best part of my job because Chase is, pretty much nationwide. So I got to travel to all the training sites, and that was so fun. And then COVID happened, and they started doing layoffs. And ended up staying in banking, but I was doing the PPP, and that was so boring for me. Ugh. I'm like behind the scenes." Thank you for the PPP- Yeah. but boring. Yes. And then it got to the point, Eric, where I was like, "Oh my gosh, I wanna do something different." Banking is banking is banking, right? And I just felt like I wanted to push myself. But through that whole process, I was still going through school. I was wrapping up my MBA. I was getting different certifications, and I had started dabbling in... I became a life coach at some point in the period. And, but something that has always stood out to me was people always said, "Oh, you're just always so accepting of everybody. Oh, you always know the right things to say. Oh, you never probe, or you never pry." Because, I'm someone who respects people's privacy. I allow you to tell me as much as you want me to know. Other than that, it's a very open-ended invite to let me in at some point, but I'm not going to... and I realize people just didn't seem to be used to that. And so that got me into the DEI space, right? Because it's all about acceptance and inclusivity, and got certified for that. And then I was like, all right. So I think I can do something different than banking now." "I feel like I've made my mark." So- I left that and went to Blue Shield Blue Cross for a brief period as their DEI program manager, and that was interesting. But I realized I miss banking. That's all I knew, in the US after the short stint with the newspaper. And I missed the structure, I missed... I, it was just I couldn't quite put it... I knew it wasn't the customers. I'm not trying to be mean, No I knew it wasn't necessarily the customers that I missed. There was just... I felt like there was some unfinished business. And so I had to take a step back and really just start thinking, "What is going on with you in this banking arena?" And I remember when I got the job at Bank of America, there was imposter syndrome, obviously- Oh, sure for some reasons. Sure. But I remember thinking, "Little old me from Balaclava, Jamaica, who used to run around barefeet should have never gotten this job." So I had all those things I had to navigate, but then I was like, "But here I am. What's the biggest job I can have in banking?" And I didn't know. But then from my research, I learned about the central bank, Federal Reserve Bank. And I remember at one point thinking if I ever make it to the Federal Reserve Bank, can you imagine being Jamaican at the Federal Reserve Bank?" And that was like a fleeting thought, and it left me, right? And I realized as I kept wondering, what is this unfinished business, it was my need to be a part of the Federal Reserve Bank. So I applied. I went online, looked, and th- they were, again, within program management's space, and I applied and I got the job. And I was like, "Yes!" "Here I am at the Federal Reserve," my, dream that I didn't think would have ever come through in 2004 when I thought of this. And so I did a stint at the Federal Reserve, and then life just started happening. I just became bolder, braver, obviously, by then I was divorced, really getting in touch with who Nikki was as a person. Nikki without the expectation of being Jamaican, Nikki without the pressure of wanting to please her family. I still wanted to kinda do good by my kids, but, you know- Sure just who the heck was Nikki? Yeah. Because Nikki was always somebody, something for somebody else. And I started having my breakthrough in terms of just me holistically and what mattered to me. And so the bald head, and the book writing, and the being, I, recognizing that, oh my gosh, I love women. I was g- I was going to ask you, so w- where did that play into the process? Was that something you had thought about before? Or was this something that just kind of- happens? It just happens. And I kinda feel y- bad when I think of that, 'cause I'm like, "I want a story. I want a story." Yeah. I'm one of those persons who always considered myself a girl's girl. Growing up, again, you learn to share, but I was always sharing with the girls, right? I was like, "Oh, no, I have to only share with the boys," 'cause boys are bad. They wanna hit you and run, and I didn't wanna do stuff like that, right? So- so I always... So from that, I would always compliment women because I feel like for some reason now I recognize just how much we need to lift each other up as women. But then I didn't, it wasn't coming from that space. It was just wanting somebody- to feel good about themselves. "Ooh, I love your hair. Ooh, you smell nice." So I've always been that person, and I didn't think anything about it. After my divorce when I moved to California and I was actually a branch manager I recognize that there are times when, a woman would walk into the branch and it would just feel a little bit different, right? And it's "What the heck is going on?" But I was like, "No." And I'm Jamaican, though, you're not supposed to think that. Jamaica still is an extremely homophobic country. I think everybody knows that. So I didn't- quite think anything of it. I just assumed, this is just your way of lifting people up. Plus, you're a branch manager. You should have the customers feel great, right? And then I remember going a friend of mine, one of my girlfriends, she really stressed that I needed to start therapy because, there was still times when imposter syndrome would kinda sneak through with all the things that I was doing. I would get these little accolades, like when I got my life coaching certification or whatever, but it never lasted. I always wanted to do something else. Sure. And so I s- I thought therapy. And I, as I was going through therapy, a big thing that she asked me to do is to just find out who Nikki is, because like I said, Nikki was always something for somebody else. And that's when I realized, I think that I do like women. I don't know what that means. But there, there's just something there that I need to navigate. I need to figure out- what this is and oh, my God, Eric, it was terrifying. I'm Jamaican. Sure. With two kids. That doesn't happen. Yeah. I'm like, m- "What am I going to tell my kids? What am I going to tell my mom? What am I going to tell my grandma?" I had all these things going through my head. And, yeah, that was a rough period. And the book just came out last year, but the book is since then, which is back in 2016 when I had all these thoughts and- questions and stuff. So yeah, a long time to put it out there on paper. Yeah. I love it though, Nikki, because on so many levels, because listening to you, I can hear that authentic commitment to yourself, and that's where I- know we all need to stand in and, or s- come from and stand in is- that we are the only people that we have to answer to, and it's our process. I've known since I was seven. It's just what I've known. I've always been attracted to boys and men. I was attracted to women as well, and I didn't understand why, but there was no, back then, in the '70s, there was no reference point. There wasn't an ability for me to say, "Oh, it's okay to both boys and girls." Now, I like them for different reasons as I know now as an adult, which that's a whole other podcast episode. I really love women. I am not one of those gay men that does not like women. I love women. I love our lesbian community. I love just the I love the space that I'm in when I'm with my girlfriends. But what's so interesting is w- with what you said is you didn't really explore that until much later, and that's the gift of being a human being. And all we wanna do as a society and as a people is put a label on it- put a timeframe. If you didn't know back then what is it now? And, do you hate men? And, are you trying to find an escape? Whatever the case may be, or whatever the comment may be. And I really hope that someday, I'm not sure if it's going to be in, in my lifetime, but I hope that someday we can just wake up and realize that we're all human beings, and our human being-ness allows us the freedom to explore, allows us the freedom to find ourselves in our way- without the external forces. And that's hard to say in this day and age of social media, and I've had a lot of conversations even within the LGBTQ community about how we compare ourselves to people we see on Instagram, how we compare ourselves to people we see on TV, their experiences, our experiences, and it's really detrimental. We just need to be us. We just need to be ourselves. And it's so cool that you had that experience to say wait. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that looks like." But that moment when you saw that woman walk through the door of the bank and you went, "Oh, this feels different," is a beautiful experience. It's it's one that I think many people, I don't think, I know- many people suppress. Yeah. And it's in that suppression, and it's in that burying of that inquiry, this is just my belief, that's what has gotten to us to this point that we're at today in our current country is there's so much unfinished business for people who- I agree suppressed, pushed down, buried, made it mean something that at one point they got that flutter from another person of the same sex that has gotten in, us into this vile space. And so it's a beautiful message, Nikki, that you just put out there that probably with even, without even recognizing it. I get it, though. But you put out this beautiful message that says, "Who I am is Nikki Lopez, and who I am is a human being. And what makes me human and what makes me special and unique is this, and this. And yeah, I tried that and I tried that. I may even tried a little something different, but who I am is this." And that may change down the road, right? That's the part that I think is so stressful for us- is that it may change down the road, right? And it doesn't mean that we're going to change path and direction again. It just means that we might have an inquiry, and how beautiful it is for us to have an opportunity to talk about it. Just- And not have it be judgment beautifully beautiful. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. And when you... A- and it's like you're in my life r- right now, Eric. It's like you're in my life and seeing all the things. Yeah. Because, interestingly, I'm married. I do have a wife. And February was actually two years married, but six years together- Nice COVID relationship. Ooh, nice. Oh, I love that. But we have had this beautiful life, which I think is actually quite boring compared to some things I've seen. Sure. And for sure boring to compared to relationship I was in before her. And then last year, towards the end of last year, I started second-guessing us. Second-guessing me. Second-guessing what the heck is going on? Am I truly a part of the community? And I have the book here because- this book I'm still reading- Love the cover as often as I can, Lesbian, Who Are You? And even though the title says lesbian, it's really for the entire community, but also for all human beings, yes. I've had people who are not in the community who's read the book, and just it opened up their eyes to one, about the things that even... They personalize it to me, which is fine. But that I go through as a lesbian and had to go through this whole process. But then they recognize that even within their relationships, you don't have to be a part of the community, but who are you in your relationship? That's literally what we're asking is sit back and reflect. Be you. You don't have to accept something because society says so- or because a book says so, or because, your neighbor, your friend, or your mom said so. And I know I've did, done that for so long, and too many- Sure people are still doing it. And the judgment within our community itself was- really harder for me than telling my Jamaican mom and Jamaican grandmother I'm a lesbian You know, because I was married to a man, I had kids- so it was just crazy the judgment- that was thrown at me. And then I couldn't just be Nikki or Nikki a lesbian. No, I had to, "Am I a femme? Am I this?" I'm like, "What the heck is going on? Just let me be." I'm... Oh. I don't wanna wear any of these labels. I'm just Nikki. I know. Seriously. That, and that's one of the, one of the issues, and again I won't get too many gay, I won't get my gay card punched- for this, but there are so many... We talked about this in relationship to dating. There are so many different opportunities now to be in a relation- and so many different types of relationships. My day and age, it's like you were single, dating, married, divorced. Yeah. Period. Period. End of story. Now it's monogamy, ethical non-monogamy, polygamy, all of those things, and I think that's what confuses people outside of our community- namely those who stand in judgment, because they have it that it's just one way or the other. They're married, they're not. They're single, they're not. And what's so beautiful about this fluidity in our lives is that we get to choose that. We get to choose that. And as difficult as it is to tell our loved ones, our parents, our grandparents, our family, our friends, that we are who we are or we are inquiring into who we are, is our right, and it's our journey, and it's our choice. And I, I'm struggling right now, again, whole other podcast episode, but I'm struggling right now through all that's happening towards the community- and especially the trans community, and all the assumptions that come from that as well. And I just sat back the other day, Nikki, and I went, "Okay, I need someone to stare me in the eye, sit face to face with me, and tell me what it is about me, a 59-year-old, 6'4", graying, gay man, life coach, podcaster, meeting planner, friend, son, that you hate so much. What is that about? Because I don't think it's about what you think it's about- at all. Agreed. And someone I don't know if you know her Bamby Salcedo, she's trans, and she's up north. Oh, no, she's in LA, and she leads the Trans Coalition. And she said something to me that I thought was so fascinating 'cause it not only describes the LGBTQ community, I think this is a human- being description, and that is that one of the things that she said was she thinks that we get attacked so much for being who we are is because we live our lives full out and truthful- Ah and authentic, and they can't. I agree. Yeah. And it's not that they can't, quote-unquote. Yeah. It's that they don't allow themselves to. They can. I agree. They just... And so when she said that, Nikki, my whole life just shifted in that moment, and I thought, "Wow, that's some power, that they're judging us because we live a life that they can never dream of living." Yeah. And yet they can. And so when you wrote the book, and you wrote this, I love the title. The cover is spectacular, by the way. I love it. When you wrote this book, Lesbian, Who Are You?, and I know you said it can relate to everyone, how did you... What was your intent of how that landed for people? Did you write it for yourself, or did you write it for other people, I guess is a better way of asking that question. Two- twofold, to be honest. 'Cause I think as as I mentioned, I started, the thought started during my initial journey. And so some of it was me trying to really figure out why am I not fitting in? Why do I seem to have these completely different beliefs from other lesbian in these communities, support groups, and stuff that I saw on Facebook? And so it took... I had to really go far within, so far within, to kinda get some answers and be at peace with who I was. And then every time I felt I was there, something else happened. Somebody said something, and I'm like, "What? Let me..." So- so it was just a combination of that, but I saw people who, if I'm fem, quote-unquote, because I whatever that is at this point. And- Yeah my wife is masculine presenting and that in our community, as in the lesbian community, seems to be the expectation, right? A feminine woman with a masculine-presenting person. It just so happened that's who I'm with. That was never... I don't, I didn't seek out someone because they're masculine presenting, right? Sure. Sure, sure. But, but- You love who you love, so yes exactly. And we say that a lot when we're trying to rebut outsiders. But we can't have that inside, which is so weird to me. But I realize that there were so many people I would, could see them connecting in my head- but it didn't fit the picture that they wanted, because I'm fem, and that person's fem. It doesn't make sense. Or because I'm masculine presenting and that person's masculine presenting, it doesn't make sense. And I'm like, oh my gosh, you're going to live to 100 being single and dumb. Because you're trying to, do a match based off what society says and not your heart, or not what you're- thinking and your instincts, right? And so when I wrote the book, it was just to question all these made-up rules. Just, just... Even for me with my wife, there was a struggle initially because she's masculine presenting. Previous relationships, she had to be the one to take out the trash. She had to be the one to drive. She couldn't cry, she couldn't walk around the house in her towel. It's too feminine. It i- and that's way too much info. But there were just so many major rules- It's true in those relationships that- Yeah I saw that. And so we had to work through that, and I had to go, "I know. You're a woman. You're me," so if you wanna do certain things that comes naturally, absolutely, because taking out the trash does not come natural to me, I will say. But I had a son that was doing that for years, right? Sure. But it's not an expectation for you to take the trash out, babe. And so I wanted her to find her way, and she had to do that. Just like I had some things to work through, she had to work through, because her life was spectacularly different from mine. She always knew, like you, that she was a lesbian. She was masculine presenting, so she could never hide it. And I'm not proud of it, but there are times when I'm in certain spaces, not deliberately, and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, thankfully I don't look like my wife." And sometimes we joke about it, she and I, right? I'm like at least I can get away and pretend I'm a lesbian. You can't." And we shouldn't have to joke about stuff like that. But we're each other's safe space, so when I say stuff she knows that I'm kidding, but- Of course so she had quite a bit of stuff to work through, different from what I had to work through. But that is, again, the beauty of being humans and intersectionality. We're two Black women, but our lives are so significantly different. And even within the community and the things and the ways that we have to navigate being lesbians, that it's just whoa. But yeah it's very interesting. So the book is really for anybody who feels trapped by societal norms, trapped by what family expects, even trapped by their own internalism regarding homophobia. Because sometimes they are. Oh, yes. You're in the community and you are homophobic, and I see that a lot, especially- Yes for the trans community, right? Yes. But- Yes sometimes even within your own community. Yes. Yeah. And so it's really just for people to dive deep. I may have some enemies because there's some myths that I broke, I was like, "No, that's not it. It's not true." But it's it was never about it's not about being controversial or making enemies. It's about people realistically just slowing down. Yeah. Slowing down and figuring out who the heck are and what it looks like to get there. I've two, two thoughts, or a thought and a question. The thought is related to that statement, is we are running towards a deadline that I can't figure out. I don't know what we're running towards so fast. I know it. It just boggles my mind. I don't know how 60 happened. I just, I'm like, "How did that happen," right? If this is 60- I know I'll take it, right? I'm not- You look great I thank you. I'm not- You look great for 60. I'm not upset about it. That all I'll say. Thanks to my mother and my grandmother. I'm not upset about 60 at all. In fact, I'm having a great life. I, I went through a divorce back in 2019, and it was rough. My COVID years were really difficult. And I struggled a lot. I also took the time to get therapy, and I took the time to start this podcast, and so I've been working on myself, and I'm finally at this juxtaposition of 59 to 60 reinventing myself one more time because I don't wanna stop working, but I also am getting tired. I'm getting tired of the travel. I'm getting tired of the stress, and so I'm in this transition. But what I love about the journey is that I get to step back and take a breath. And what stopped me... And sometimes, Nikki, it's interesting. Sometimes people can take a breath and stop and look. Sometimes it takes the universe to step in. I'm the guy that needs the universe. I've had two heart issues in the last two years- Oh, wow that lit- And I'm fine. I'm fine. I had surgery, and I'm fine, and I'm... I've got a great team, and I'm super healthy, and things are going to be great. But I really believe it was the universe's way of saying, "You need to slow- Down down, and you need to focus." 'Cause I remember saying a couple years ago when things were super stressful, I was on an event site, and I was stre- it was a stressful afternoon. Clients were being clients, and I remember standing on the space of this event and saying, I go, "This is not how I'm going out." "This is not how I'm going out." And so in that moment, I started to shift, and it's taken about two years to develop- this new journey. Again, other podcast episode. But the universe stopped me and said, "You need to take a second to think about this." And for some people, they don't pay attention to the signs. They don't, and they wake up and then it's too late potentially. And that's why I love the idea of this book is because it has, wherever you are in your life and wherever you are in your journey, it has an opportunity to have you ask the question, who are you? And many times, I remember dating someone a long time ago, and they were on this drive to be a senior executive by the time they reached, let's say, 25. And I was so fundamentally different because I was always entrepreneurial. I was always somebody who wanted to follow in my grandfather's footsteps. I hated corporate America. I didn't wanna- sit behind a desk. So I was a very different path. This guy, senior executive, but... And he's done so well, and he has this beautiful life, but it wasn't mine, and it exhausted me. And- What was so great was that in that moment I said, "Nope, this is the direction that I'm going to go." Oh, I love it. "This is what I wanna do." And it's been one of the most rewarding, but also one of the most scary things. When you're an entrepreneur like you, sometimes you're out on your limb by yourself. Yes. You have no one to catch you. But the great thing is that you have no one to catch you. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. I had no one to catch me, to say, "Oh, I got you." I had to say, "I got you, and this is the direction that it's going to go." And this podcast really has been the genesis of some really amazing conversations where I've watched people pivot in their lives. I've watched people uncover things about themselves that they didn't know, and I... It's my hope with these episodes that people leave the conversation learning a little bit about the person that we're talking to fun- predominantly, but also, too, were there some golden ticket moments? Were there some great messages within that journey of the conversation that I might stop and take a breath, and maybe take some time to read the book? I do have a couple last questions for you 'cause I wanna be respectful of your time. But when you wrote the book and the book was published and it's out there, you're in this marriage, you have these wonderful children you're living up in northern California. I can now see why Daniel loves you, 'cause you are- an amazing energy, as is he. Thank you. What's next for you? What do you see as the next thing? You're very successful, and you have quite the resume, but what's next for you in this journey of you? Very boring answer, but rest. No. My gosh, Eric- Rest rest. Rest. I- I- That's not a boring answer. That's lovely. When I- When I tell you, and Daniel probably can tell you, when I tell you, sometimes it take Daniel weeks to be able to get me on the phone, right? So I know you touched on it briefly, but I do own a senior care agency, right? Yes. So we provide one-on-one care to persons, to seniors who need assistance at home now. And from there I recognized, because of my grandma, I t- ugh, every time I think about my grandma, because she's just, like, all over my life. Yeah. I started the senior care agency because of her. I remember when I had to care for her how stressed I was. Yeah. And it was just for two weeks, and I was losing my mind. And so that had me wear two hats. I had to think about psychological safety and caring for a senior. But then I recognized caregivers. Who is caring for them? Nobody. And so I then founded that nonprofit which provides the free 24/7 support to family caregivers. So- Just really working a lot through that. It's a lot of moving pieces. Caregivers need so much help. Yeah. In the US alone is 63 million family caregivers out there with no support. Wait, say that number say that number again California, 63 million family caregivers in the US. Family meaning a parent looking after a kid. Yeah. The, oh- Yeah it's a mess, Eric. It's a mess. In California, it's 4.4 million. In Contra Costa County that I live in here in Northern California, it's 160,000 family caregivers. So I'm saying that to say I don't have room to breathe, because caregivers can't rest. And I feel like until something is done, until caregivers are seen and in the space and feel supported and all the things, then, I don't consider myself an entrepreneur. I wasn't raised to even think of being an entrepreneur. That wasn't even a thing growing up. But so even when I got that award for Entrepreneur of the Year, one of the things I said was, "I don't even feel like a business owner." For me, I feel like I see gaps and I try to fill those gaps. And so both b- both organizations, it's literally what it does, the psychological safety for seniors more than the physical care, 'cause that's all people focus on. Yeah. We need seniors to feel safe, but then the caregivers itself. And I actually wrote another book, but that is specifically for caregivers, and here it is. When The Strong Get Tired. And, Oh, so cute yeah, and this is my grandma. No. This is my grandma. Stop it. Yeah. Stop it. This is her, 99. She was, like, 96 here, but that's her. Look at her When The Strong Get Tired, it's written for caregivers. And again, it's just them navigating the guilt and the stress and the tiredness and no resources and family dynamics, because sometimes family check out, and you're the last one standing, being the carer, the nurturer. And and then resources and, just so they know there's a space, Eric. I wanted that so bad when I was caring for Grandma. I didn't have it. And so I need caregivers to know we're there. So that was such a long-winded way to say I need rest. No, you do. But what's next for me is rest. I will say writing, absolutely not. People have been asking, "Are you going to write another book?" Because I did at one point say I wanted to just write about I'm always talking about Jamaica. Outside of Grandma and my kids, the next thing is always Jamaica. So more around just talking about growing up in Jamaica and just and Julie, which would be terrible. Nobody really needs an autobiography of Nikki. But just some aspects of life in Jamaica as a kid, et cetera. But I'm like no. It's just going to bring up too much. I get homesick a lot now- Yeah for obvious reasons, and so I'm like, "I'm not in a space. I wanna focus on other people." But I'm hoping the day will come when I get a break and I get a chance to rest. I don't see that happening this year for sure, but- hopefully by next year. One of the things I noticed when we jumped on a call earlier to talk about you coming on the podcast is you have the energy of the Energizer bunny. You really do. It is palpable, and it is also infectious. I could not wait for today's conversation. Aw. It's been a very busy week from last week, and I just... The moment I thought about sitting down with you today, I got excited 'cause I feed off that energy, so thank you for that. I also wanna just say thank you for who you are in the world. I believe that we are all put on this earth to be of service to other people, and it doesn't mean that we don't take care of ourselves, 'cause we have to take care of ourselves first in order to take care of other people, just like we have to love ourselves first and... before we love other people, right? So that's just the way that it works. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it. But I am so grateful to who you are. I took care of my grandmother, my dad's mom. I was her primary caregiver, and it was a... Sometime I'll tell you the story. It was pretty, pretty comical when she passed, which is an odd thing to say, but my grandmother was very sarcastic, and she was very independent, and her burial at sea was an experience we will never forget. I'll leave it there. Oh my gosh. But- You have to tell me off air. I will. I will. All the listeners are going to be like, "No, tell us." I'm like, "It would take too long. We don't have time." Let's just say she's with me forever. But I remember the experience, She was in her 90s. I had to take her car away 'cause she was hitting trash cans in the alley. I had to make the decision to move her out of her apartment that she had lived in for many years, and I had to make the decision to help her move into a transition home. And the day that I moved her into that home, which was beautiful... It was small, amazing caregivers, six residents. It was around the holidays. The day that I moved her there I got in the car and I said goodbye. I kissed her and I said, "Have a good night. I'll see you next week," and I got in the car to drive back to Los Angeles to work, and she had a massive stroke, and she ended up passing within 72 hours. And the guilt that I had- Aw Sorry. It's going to make me cry. No. The guilt that I had for- maybe being the cause of that for her which I have since, long time ago, let go. But there was no resource. There was nowhere to go. I was this young kid. I was in my t- late 20s taking care of this aging woman. My father had an estranged relationship with her. And so I can really resonate with what you're talking about, and I know so many people right now who are taking care of and are caregivers for their elderly parents, and the struggle that it is 'cause we have our lives to live, and we also- have to make sure that they are taken care of and that they have the best care possible. So it really resonated with me today. And thank you for that. Who you are in this world is such a beautiful gift, Nikki, and I wish that I could sit and talk to you for hours and hours- Me too 'cause I think we could. So you're- We could you're always welcome to come back. I didn't mean to brush over the caregiving. There was so much to talk about. No. I knew that. Yeah. But I do wanna let you know we're going to make your organizations accessible through our social media. We're also going to promote both books through our social media, so I want our listeners to be on the lookout for that. I can't wait to dive into the book. I'm heading out on a couple trips, and I need some airplane reading, so I can't wait to get into Lesbian, Who Are You? That's going to be an interesting glance from my- I know. Your neighbors are going to be like, "Oh." My seat, my seatmates are going to be like, "Wait, what?" I'll be like, "Girl, you have no idea." Hey, d- I identify as a lesbian. Oh, that's funny. I didn't think about that. That's going to be a hoot. That could be an answer, and then they probably will pass out. Hopefully not, but- Hopefully not, but not on the planes these days. We- Yeah. need less drama. But I will make sure that people have access to that. And again, you're welcome back any time to come join us. Thank you, Eric. My, m- my last question to you is that if you could go back to that young Nikki living in Jamaica six, seven, eight years old, what would you tell her about her life today? Oh my gosh. Why is that making me tear up? Oh my gosh. Why are you doing this to me? I didn't... I wasn't prepared for this. Oh my gosh. Ugh. I... Wow, Eric, not liking you too much right now. Sorry, honey. Young Nikki at that age, wow. It would have to be authentically you. I never fit in, for one reason or the other. My parents were too strict, so I couldn't hang out or, whatever it was. I was just always just did my own thing, had my own thoughts didn't act on it when it came to my family 'cause I was scared crapless. But what I've always been is me even when it was hard, I never felt like I intentionally suppressed any part of me. I just accepted what was on the forefront. And so I think- Wherever you are in your journey, be you. Just authentically be you, whatever that looks like. Because the people who should be in your circle will be, and the people who shouldn't be in your circle, then good riddance. And I live by that, and especially now. As a business owner, you're told you have to be PC, and you can't do this, and you can't do that, and I'm like, "Forget it. Not all money is good money." If I can't be me, then what's the point? I have to have autonomy over my life. I've worked too hard for the life I have to be living it by somebody else's standards or by the standards of a paycheck or, you know- money coming in from a client. I'm just not going to do that. Don't hate me too much. Here's the thing, though. You know what's so funny is if I tell people... I used to think I have to tell people that I'm going to ask that." If I tell people that I'm going to ask that, they're going to spend whatever distance between booking the podcast and the podcast thinking about the right way to answer that question. Yeah. And it's the- That's a tough one. It's a tough one, but it's the perfect answer, and every single person, over 98 episodes, has said the most beautiful thing because it draws that childhood, as we talked about before, into our adulthood. And who we are is still that little person, right? We wanna be seen. We wanna be heard. We wanna be respected. We wanna be loved, and we wanna be cherished. And I don't care what age you are, and so I cherish you. I'm so glad that we met. I feel like I have a new good friend up in- Northern California. And yeah, thanks for being here today, and thanks for sharing your story, and thanks for just being you. Aw. Eric, perfect. See? I... And now look at that. Just look at that. But thank you. Thank you so much for having me. This was meant to be, and this was amazing. Yeah. And I hope I get to meet you in person soon, oh, you w- So Daniel will tell you, he was a guest on last season, and we've been trying to meet. We still haven't met. So this is now a great opportunity to come up to Northern California- Yeah and meet the both of you. What? So now I have two people, so we'll make it happen, I promise. Make it happen. Make it happen. All right. You'll have fun with us. Oh, I... Oh, listen, I'm afraid I won't come home- after knowing the both of you. All right. We'll talk soon, and just have a blessed day, and all the best to you. Okay, Eric. Thank you so much. Same to you. Bye now. Bye. All right, everyone. Thank you again for joining us on today's episode. I hope our conversation resonated with you like it did me, and I cannot wait to sit down with you all again next week. Remember to subscribe to the Just Do You podcast on your favorite platform so you can make sure not to miss a new episode, which drop every Thursday. If you like what you hear, you can easily share the podcast and episode directly with your friends. And if you would, rate us and leave us a review. We'd love to hear from you. You can also follow us on Instagram at justdoyoupod. As you go out back into the world today, remember to just do you. All right. Talk next week.