47 - Drunkapalooza (Part I)

How does someone decide to stop drinking? In this episode, we explore the drinking culture that shaped our lives—from Montana weekends and high school parties to college and queer nightlife—and how alcohol became tied to so many milestones. This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation on sobriety, identity, and the culture that influenced us.

Join us on all major socials @nogaysinmontana for exclusive content!

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:10

When we were driving home just now, Ariel, I was just so into the music I got distracted and I made two wrong turns.

SPEAKER_03 0:16

After I got out?

SPEAKER_05 0:17

After you got out.

SPEAKER_03 0:18

How do you make wrong turns? There's no wrong way to get from my place to your place.

SPEAKER_05 0:21

I was just so into the music. Because he was being a fuck boy.

SPEAKER_04 0:24

We're on our way home and he's like, oh, I'm gonna drive around the block.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Which block did you drive around?

SPEAKER_04 0:29

He got to the Popeye stop sign.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Took a right.

SPEAKER_05 0:32

Took a right and was like, oh shoot.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Oop mee.

SPEAKER_05 0:35

That's it, ah, I was just so into the song. Can you admit that? And then I got out front here and I went right in front of our house.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

Let's all play game. We're gonna put a prompt up there and then we're gonna point fingers. Who do we think is the most distracted driver here? Okay, I'm gonna count three. One, two, three.

SPEAKER_05 1:18

Oh yeah. Water ski three, two of the year.

SPEAKER_03 1:21

My second.

SPEAKER_05 1:22

Your second.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

I'm getting there, y'all. You are. I think you're so close. Closer. I was up this time, but something's not clicking in terms of just staying up. I'm like, do I need to engage my core? Do I need to stand? Like, what's the part of what's the muscle tweak I need to do to just stay up? Or is it truly just mental at this point?

SPEAKER_05 1:37

Yeah. Part of it is I also think it's just like a little bit of repetitions.

SPEAKER_03 1:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:41

Like I said, like I was telling you in the water today, once you're up, it's then obviously like a different balance need than getting up. So I think once you have enough repetitions, it'll just kind of like click. Because I don't think mechanically there's much you should be doing different.

SPEAKER_03 1:54

Yeah. I feel like if you learn as a kid, you just everything clicks.

SPEAKER_04 1:57

You just pop up there, everything's harder. Languages are harder, bike ranking, you know, all those things that are like harder when you're older. It's like, yeah. You're kind of a wet noodle too when you're little. So I think it's just easier.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

If I could drive the boat, then we could have both of y'all back there.

SPEAKER_05 2:10

I know.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

It's really too bad.

SPEAKER_05 2:11

I know. We didn't like oh, like a twofer. We took our friend JJ today and he asked if we'd ever, no, you'd ask if we've ever done more than one. And we s Isaac and I and our friend Maddie have done three before.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

That's sick.

SPEAKER_05 2:21

JJ said he'd done four, which is crazy.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Have you seen those videos of like 15 women lying on the dock?

SPEAKER_05 2:28

It's competitions. There's like it's a full sport.

SPEAKER_03 2:31

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 2:31

Yeah, there's full like there's ski teams like that do that. I think it's kind of a little bit of like a dying art, but it was very much kind of like people like you'll go to an air show. I think people would go to a water ski show. A water, yeah. Oh yeah. Like acrobatic type stuff.

SPEAKER_03 2:44

Interesting.

SPEAKER_05 2:45

And they would like build pyramids and stuff. You gotta do some research after this. There's so much out there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

Y'all should join one.

SPEAKER_05 2:50

I know. I would love. That would be so fun.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

Do you want to talk about the Empire State couple?

SPEAKER_04 2:54

Oh we current news. What happened? I had like I was in the middle of work and like 10 people messaged me that. Can someone give me like a high level? Just everyone was not me specifically. Every group chat was like, Yeah. And I just saw the top of it. So I was like, are we being attacked? What's going on?

SPEAKER_03 3:11

Well, they have a documentary apparently from a couple years back on Netflix. I didn't know about that. Oh, so they're already pre-folding.

SPEAKER_04 3:16

It's their shtick.

SPEAKER_03 3:17

Yeah, they're from Russia.

SPEAKER_04 3:18

They got a record.

SPEAKER_03 3:19

Yeah, and they just I think B and E and climb buildings, you shouldn't. They do.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

Urban climbing.

SPEAKER_03 3:25

Yeah, truly. They've been a good score. But yeah, they went to the tippy top of the Empire State Building.

SPEAKER_05 3:31

Top of the spire.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:33

The very top.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

I had trouble watching the footage.

SPEAKER_04 3:36

And they're just afraid of climbing it. They're just like, hell yeah. Yes, they are not roped. That makes my stomach hurt. I know.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

And he put it on.

SPEAKER_04 3:43

How do you do it? Do you just monkey bars?

SPEAKER_03 3:45

I think you climb it.

SPEAKER_04 3:46

Right, but like you go out to the viewing deck. Yeah. Or are you going somewhere internal?

SPEAKER_05 3:52

I read a little bit and I think somewhere around Where's the security breach? Somewhere around the viewing deck area, there's like closed off. You know, there's like closed off stuff. I think they they pre-planned it.

SPEAKER_04 4:00

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_05 4:01

They've been up there with the couple. They planned it.

SPEAKER_04 4:02

They planned you guys planned it the whole time.

SPEAKER_05 4:04

Exactly. Okay. So I think what they did was they internally went somewhere in the building to get to where the hatch is so they could actually get to that portion and then climbed up.

SPEAKER_03 4:13

Isn't it wild that that's not locked though?

SPEAKER_05 4:15

I think they broke it. It's probably supposed to be and they broke it. They broke a lock.

SPEAKER_04 4:18

But it's probably not like a huge risk every day where you're like, oh, people are gonna really want to climb this spire. I'm sure it's a big, bigger lock now.

SPEAKER_05 4:25

Yeah. But no, there was definitely a meeting. Yeah. So the two people climbed up.

SPEAKER_03 4:29

Did you see the big banner? NYPD, though, like someone's job is to be the police climber because they had two little police climbers in their police helmets up there halfway. Arresting them in the spire and taking them down.

SPEAKER_04 4:41

Can't you just wait for them to come down?

SPEAKER_05 4:42

I think they waited for they waited for them. There's the top of the spire where they actually got to. It is like crazy. One person room, two person room only. So they had to wait for them to get partway back down, and then they intercepted them at like the first platform. Got it. What do you think the first parts were where he proposed? Congrats. Congrats.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Well, it's on footage. The body camp footage was released the same day, which everyone in the comments was like, so you can release body camp footage. So it doesn't take months.

SPEAKER_05 5:06

Yeah. Also, her posts on her p personal page were like day of.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

Her assistant posted them.

SPEAKER_05 5:11

Oh, they were ready. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:13

But they got bailed out of jail. And I'm just so curious how much they're fine. Or if I've got to look it up somewhere.

SPEAKER_05 5:18

They have another, they have another date, court date, August 8th. I did read that.

SPEAKER_04 5:21

Oh, tune in.

SPEAKER_05 5:22

But it was, I was telling you guys, it was kind of the footage of them on top of the Empire State Building in their like black and out uniforms and a banner was kind of like end times looking, ominous feeling to me.

SPEAKER_03 5:34

In a bad way?

SPEAKER_05 5:34

I don't know. I don't think so. Because the message was good, right? And relatively harmless what they did. But at the same time, I think just like the You're talking about the visuals of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

Like it's giving you like revolution.

SPEAKER_04 5:45

Kind of, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ariel, I love your outfit today, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 5:49

Very familiar.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

Funny enough, I I wore this when we went to Vegas last fall, and we went to this, I'm sure we talked about it.

SPEAKER_04 5:57

We went to this bar and I didn't, because it all was in the office.

SPEAKER_03 6:01

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 6:01

It was all in the off season.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Well, TLDR. We went to a bar.

SPEAKER_04 6:05

Shout out Corduroy. If you ever go to downtown Las Vegas, go to corridor bar. It's the best bar in the world.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

Lots of 90s music. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:11

It's my uh San Jean apparel.

SPEAKER_03 6:13

They're real fun. But Isaac had the bright idea after a couple of, I don't know, martinis.

SPEAKER_04 6:17

Probably that we should pickleback shots was our big is our big seller there.

SPEAKER_03 6:21

We should switch outfits.

SPEAKER_04 6:23

In the bathroom.

SPEAKER_03 6:23

And I had midday on a denim jumpsuit with just a zipper at the front. And so we went to the bathroom and switched outfits and came back out and no one no one knew. So we had to tell everyone ourselves. Hey, guys, we switched outfits, Carl.

SPEAKER_04 6:37

I noticed for real people noticed. The ones that were like a little bit lighter on the drinking, maybe noticed, but like Reed and Phil didn't know. I noticed immediately.

SPEAKER_05 6:45

But I it was kind of then it was. Do you think it was funny? I thought it was funny. I thought it was funny, but I was full hats. But I was waiting for hats, everything. I thought it was funny, but I was waiting for people's reaction to be confused or or what when they and they just weren't noticing.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Was this before or after the splits? This I think it was after.

SPEAKER_05 7:03

After that, specifically for me. That was the best bit of the time.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

It's not even a bit. I was just saying.

SPEAKER_04 7:13

It wasn't a bit. It was definitely before. The splits were before because then I was trying to do it in the dump suit.

SPEAKER_03 7:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 7:17

Yeah, that's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

Hard to do. A friend after that was like, You're really lucky you didn't chronically injure your D.

SPEAKER_05 7:23

I know.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

I was like, I am.

SPEAKER_05 7:25

Kind of probably kind of a you had to be there kind of moment, but the bar was playing. I write since it's not tragedies. Something like that. Gonna make you bend and break. Groom's bride is uh, and Ariel thought she was doing her big one, like she was lipsticking for her life. Yeah, full down and st sits between these two like end tables and goes, tries to go, groom's bride is uh, and hits the splits right when they say whore.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

But it was like the weirdest meat to do it in in the song. So the pre-chorus out of nowhere. Yeah, it was everyone's lightly chatting. It was like I'm doing my big one.

SPEAKER_05 8:00

It was like probably a third of real splits. No, no.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

My crash did not touch the ground.

SPEAKER_05 8:06

But the funny part was then they just kept doing it. You got such a reaction from me.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

From just Tyler, that's all I needed.

SPEAKER_05 8:12

I was dying so bad that you proceeded to do it probably 12 to 14 times in a row in the bar. Switching legs out front, switching legs, getting pictures, posing, and then just coming up to me going, I do all this for you. It's everything I do, it's doing it's this is for you. It was hilarious, it was so funny.

SPEAKER_04 8:34

This actually ties really well into our topic today of sobriety right into sobriety and what that could look like for you in your life. And yeah, but as always, we're back. Thank you all, and welcome to the Argo Night No Gaze Montana, the podcast where we talk about the splits.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

The splits, the splits, some call it.

SPEAKER_04 8:52

Okay, fun. Well, welcome today, everybody. Today we have a topic we've been wanting to talk about, especially with Tyler. So, for those of you who don't know, Tyler here has been sober for 18 months. 18 months, year and a half, January-ish, mid-January. Yeah, year and a half. 2025. And then Tyler also was featured on a podcast called Stop the Ride, um, where we had a great day where we went to LA for one day, flew in, flew out, and he recorded on Drew Valentino's podcast. The episode is not out yet, but it's coming out soon-ish. But it was like a really, really great day. And Tyler had an awesome interview. So I'm really looking forward to seeing that. But we thought it would be great to also dive in deeper to that topic of just sobriety, especially within gay culture, which has like a pretty, I would say, bad rap for a heavy drinking culture for sure. And also, I think tying it back to like rural roots, where like, I mean, I for sure came from a heavy drinking culture where it's like part of life. Like, not even like, yeah, it just like is very much weaved into social work, everything. It's like very much weaved into it. So um, that's gonna be our topic for today. So I'm excited to jump into it. But I think one of the first things I want to talk about is like what was our kind of culture growing up around alcohol?

SPEAKER_03 9:58

And I'm curious from you growing up in the south, because I know what my experience has been with my family in the south, but yeah, well, I'm a special case because I grew up very religious and w I had a dry household growing up, and I didn't have a lot of exposure to alcohol. I don't remember thinking about it. I just knew it was bad.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:15

So it wasn't a very nuanced view of it necessarily. And I the only alcohol I can remember growing up was like my uncle having some beers in the garage at Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_05 10:24

Yeah. So it wasn't like a part of life, like part of life, like Isaac said.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

I think it definitely was and definitely existed. I think it just wasn't it was quieter. It was like everything in the South. It was taboo.

SPEAKER_04 10:36

It was very like the Zion Curtain. Do you know what the Zion Curtain is? No. So, like in Utah, when you go to a bar, um, they can't make your alcohol in front of you. They have they go back, like the bar, the bottles, everything, it's like behind the bar. There's a spot where you go back, and they call it the Zion Curtain. Oh, yeah. So they make your drinks back there and then bring them to you, and you have to order food. So it's very much like a hear no evil, see no evil. Yeah. And I felt like my family in the South and just like conversations I'd had with my dad before, very much like that. Where like people, all people were drinking, like famous for moonshine, bootlegging. Like it's just like it's in the culture, totally, but it's very like secretive and hidden. But it's one of those things that kind of everyone seemed like they were doing. Like my dad would have stories where like he'd be hanging out with the sisters and then their husbands, everyone would go to bed, very religious, like all that kind of stuff. And then everybody would like bring out, okay, here's my bottle of Jack, and here's my bottle of Hennessy or whatever it would be, and then they would drink, like late night hour. Right. Yep. Or like I know one of his best friends was just like a farmer, and he would just hide beers in fence posts, like around the farm, warm as hell in Tennessee. And just drink them. Just because like he didn't want his wife to know. Or just like I think, or even just like the culture is that like we don't drink. But like I think his wife probably I think everyone probably knew, but it's like you don't say it. Yeah. Is kind of the culture of it.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:57

Because everyone was kind of doing that thing in their own way.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:00

Did y'all's parents drink around you?

SPEAKER_04 12:01

Oh yeah. Yeah. Very like I mean, I was making it. Talk about your experience, then I'll talk about mine. Go ahead. Making drinks for my family at like 10. But I just like wasn't. So did you enjoy it? I loved it. It was so fun. Like it was like and I would have like my own little like virgin bloody Mary, and then I'd be making like 10 blood. Oh yeah. As time went on. I mean, same, same. But yeah, it was and I loved it. Like it was just really fun. And I felt like I was part of the adults, and like yeah. I also think part of it too was I was so much younger than my sisters. So I think when you're really young or like there's a big age gap, you just spend a lot more time around adults.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:36

And so it was a great way to like be involved. And honestly, I would just like I knew how to make like seven and sevens and crown and cokes, and you know what I mean? Totally. So I always thought that was really fun. But it was very much just like a normal part of my growing up.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:49

But I also think it like helped me like destigmatize alcohol of just being like you can be casual and not go ham about this. But also, like there were people that went ham. Like I just remember like camping or office parties or things like that where it's just like company picnics where it's like, damn.

SPEAKER_03 13:07

Getting drunk around your boss and coworkers on in a company setting to me is crazy.

SPEAKER_04 13:12

Yeah, I'm pretty used to it.

SPEAKER_03 13:13

That's fair. Okay, what about you, Ty?

SPEAKER_05 13:15

Uh, my family definitely drinks, and it's definitely like there's a pretty heavy well, I would say mm-hmm, I would say it's split. My dad's side of the family is definitely drinkers, and partying and and doing that kind of stuff, like while we're at the lake or while we're at someone's birthday or things like that, it's definitely prevalent. My mom's side is actually not very much. My grandpa stopped drinking like years and years and years ago, way before I was born. And my mom really doesn't drink much. Like she, I could probably count on my hand like two, two times, maybe ever, that I've even been able to tell that she's had drinks before.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

Is that just because she is such like a I gotta hold everything together for the family right now?

SPEAKER_05 13:52

I think for her it's a it's a she doesn't want to be feel out of control internally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I also think she has a pretty healthy amount of nervousness just around drinking and addiction in general. Right. But I think then and and growing up it was definitely prevalent and our our parents like definitely drank around us. But I think now we're kind of reaching a we also have reached this like whole second phase where me and my nine cousins are all now everyone is 21. Like the last two turned 21 a year ago, two years ago. Yeah. So it's kind of it's this fun thing where it's like a whole new era where you're not there's not like four people that are left out if it's like some sort of fun gathering. Right. And then so I think so. You're not as responsible for like as a parent.

SPEAKER_04 14:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

You know, you're you don't have like these kids you're trying to take care of.

SPEAKER_04 14:39

It's like we can all like be adults and hang out in like a closed environment. You know what I mean? Like you're we're at the cabin for a weekend, so it's all like, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:47

So I I would say I grew up with it, but it was probably I think less to the extent that Isaac did. Yeah. In terms of it just being like a normal everyday thing. Yep. My family drinks heavily, but drinks heavily at events.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

Right.

SPEAKER_05 15:00

Not like daily drinkers. Yeah, they're not necessarily daily drinkers or they're not drinking at every event, but like when they do, they definitely do is kind of how it is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

When they do, they do it right.

SPEAKER_04 15:09

When they do, they do their big one. They do their big one. And I came from a pretty like just like comfortable around drinking culture. And just like it would be normal for us to like do Bloody Marys in the morning because it's breakfast.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Right.

SPEAKER_04 15:22

Very similar to how we kind of are in our 30s and our friends are of just like like I said, it's just like woven into everything, or like a beer with lunch or that kind of stuff, where it's not so much just like binge drinking, yeah, but it is just like, yeah, I'm gonna have mine with dinner and I might have a Bloody Mary with breakfast, or not like during like a normal work day, but just was always like a part of it. Yeah. And then I think it was just a lot more open. Like my parents were okay with me like drinking around my family when I was in high school. Yeah. Oh, oh, that's a good point.

SPEAKER_05 15:49

We were my family, it was not. My family was very much it's I think it's the religion stuff. Very much it's not something you do until you're 21. And then they got a little bit loosey-goosey with the last two cousins.

SPEAKER_03 16:00

I know. The youngest ones always do the best.

SPEAKER_05 16:02

A little loosey-goosey, but for the most part, it was pretty.

unknown 16:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:06

And I was in my family too. But I think they also their like true philosophy was like, Well, I'd rather you do it here. And honestly, I'd rather you get like some exposure to it to even like know your relationship with alcohol before you're just like let out into the wild and you're on your own. Yeah, I think that's no safety net. Do you think your parents had that internal thought process? Oh, yeah. We had talked about it many times.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

It's called harm reduction people.

SPEAKER_04 16:28

Yep. And my mom was just very and like I think they came from that culture too. My dad was from the south, but they were just kind of like they were realists. Not wild, not wild child, but they were they grew up drinking and like my mom in like a drinking culture and probably didn't tell her parents and like hit it from her parents in high school like everybody else was.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:46

And so I think just to keep those lines, keep open lines of communication, it was like, we know you're gonna do this, whether we know it or not, most likely, because of the state we live in, the culture that we live in, it's like what you did. And so we'd rather just know and like give you a bit of a safety net where they're like, there aren't many repercussions other than hopefully you get so drunk and sick that you'll never do it again.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

Right, right.

SPEAKER_04 17:08

But like camping, anything like that, like once we're in high school, it was pretty fine.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

Is Montana known to have a big drinking culture?

SPEAKER_04 17:16

Huge. Really? Huge.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

Because when I think of like if I'm gonna do it state by state, I'm thinking like Kentucky.

SPEAKER_04 17:22

No, because Kentucky, it's hidden.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

I think the I'm just thinking if they're just the bourbon state, you know.

SPEAKER_04 17:26

Yeah, yeah. I think but you have the whole like dry, you have the whole dry, wet county thing.

SPEAKER_06 17:30

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_04 17:30

And you can't buy alcohol on Sundays, not a thing in Montana.

SPEAKER_05 17:33

My perception is that I definitely think of those states too, but I think it's because of the rules around it or the so it's a lot of it is like circumnavigating rules, yeah, which makes it a big heightened thing that everyone thinks about and everyone talks about.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

Right, the stigma.

SPEAKER_05 17:47

Whereas there's no there's rules, but less rules around Montana, and it's just so normalized and so regular that I think it is a really big drink. Like moving away from Montana to another state, I think caused me to be like, whoa. Like it is way more regular, way more normalized. People are drinking way more really like heavily than I ever I ever thought.

SPEAKER_04 18:08

You drove through Stevensville, like what else are you gonna do socially to connect with people? Like it's not like you're not doing pickleball, you're not doing you know what I mean, you're not joining a uh softball. I mean, you are like that kind of stuff exists in Missoula. There's tons of activities, but you think of all these tiny rural towns, you're like local bar, and there's maybe one to three. That's like it's social. It's your meetup, like it's your community center, like that's what it is. It's where you're seeing everyone, it's where you meet new people.

SPEAKER_05 18:33

Yes, I was gonna say that guy that we met at the Eagles Club. That is like that was like a classic Montana trope.

SPEAKER_03 18:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 18:38

From Idaho, but yes.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

Yes, okay, got it.

SPEAKER_04 18:41

Yeah, I'm just saying him as a person. That's nice. Yeah, but just like it was, and like Montana has a really bad rap. I think it's either one or two for the highest UIs per capita. But again, culturally, it's like this sentiment that it's like, well, why does it matter if I'm on a back road and no one else is there? You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, of course I can make it home. I've driven this a hundred times and I'm not driving 90. Right. Which is let me be very clear. None of this is the actual feelings or sentiment, but that's it is the sentiment the way that people justify it, which is why you are doused in this culture and don't know anything. And like you don't have role models that are like and you have no access to Uber. There's no Uber, there's no like if you live in a small town, you fucking have to find your way home or get a ride from someone.

SPEAKER_03 19:20

Or your ass is or walk, or yeah. Okay, I have another question.

SPEAKER_04 19:23

And we're talking miles.

SPEAKER_03 19:25

Yeah. Specific to Montana or to y'all growing up. Do you remember knowing about the idea of being sober? And was that only connected? If you did know that, was that only connected to people who went through something really dark?

SPEAKER_04 19:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

Or did you have examples of people who just I'm sober because I don't really like to drink, or I don't like the way alcohol makes me feel, et cetera, et cetera?

SPEAKER_05 19:46

No.

SPEAKER_03 19:46

It was like, no, you struggled with alcoholism, you hit rock bottom.

SPEAKER_05 19:49

I think my exposure or like my understanding of of people being sober growing up was people that had gone through a really dark time.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:56

Or a hearing of people like people that I knew had gone through a dark time, or people that you would like be like, oh, kind of like a rumor mill type thing, where like, oh, so and so went to rehab because they're extremely like having issues with alcohol abuse. Or there was occasionally just the religious aspect. So a lot of people that sound god or something. Well, just like didn't drink because they were like extremely Catholic.

SPEAKER_03 20:17

And it was just like Catholics love to drink.

SPEAKER_05 20:19

Yes, but I think that's a blanket statement.

SPEAKER_03 20:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 20:22

I think yes, they do. A lot of Catholics I know love to drink, but I did go to school with a lot of Catholics that were like Catholic families that like really did not like abstain from drinking. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

I was just curious if the concept of not drinking as just like a general lifestyle choice was at all modeled for you.

SPEAKER_04 20:38

I can't, um I can't even think of a single person. Yeah. I cannot think of a person that was just like I'm sober because I want to, I just don't really like alcohol. Like it was maybe people like training for a marathon, things like that. Yeah. Like we didn't have any of those fitness goals or things like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

Because that is a thing now, which I'm enjoying a lot about our generation.

SPEAKER_04 20:55

Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Like we're definitely seeing a major shift just in terms of the in the sober curiosity. And like to be clear, Montana's like really starting to like crack down. They're putting things like checkpoints in Missoula and things like that, where like you can't leave downtown without going through a checkpoint. Um, but what about high school? Did like yeah, can we talk about our first time drinking? Yeah, well, first off, but but yours was after high school. But I want to know if you were ever around in high school or was other were other people drinking in high school. Like I know.

SPEAKER_03 21:23

I was leading prayer group on Tuesday morning.

SPEAKER_04 21:26

But were you were other people in your high school like partying and you were abstaining?

SPEAKER_03 21:30

And me and my best friend Jane would watch Avatar the Last Airbender while all of our other friends are out partying and getting MIPs. Me and Jane are eating Papa Murphy's and watching anime, and then I'm getting up, dropping her off, and then going to church the next morning.

SPEAKER_05 21:42

Like I love how you stare I love how you stare straight down the barrel the camera.

SPEAKER_03 21:47

But I did not touch a drop of alcohol until like halfway into first semester of college.

SPEAKER_05 21:53

Did your church do communion with their wine? Yes. With the grape juice?

SPEAKER_01 21:57

I think it was grape juice. I yeah, I think it was grape juice. Group juice.

SPEAKER_05 22:00

I feel like we're the gamut of the high school experience because you're very extreme on that end.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:05

I was very much someone that did not drink, had no interest in drinking, and it was known. Like everybody knew that I wouldn't drink.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

Why? Were you just too goody too shoes?

SPEAKER_05 22:14

I think it was the rule part of it. Okay. You just kind of, yeah. And it was that I did not want to get in trouble.

SPEAKER_04 22:18

It was more about like you're also not wanting to get an MIP.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:22

Well, I think you also like very much like respect your parents too. Yeah. And I your parents were probably not like you cannot do that.

SPEAKER_05 22:28

They weren't. They didn't even really have to add up. They didn't even have to like tell me. Right. Most things like that, they didn't even have to fucking tell me. I know. I just made it. He was just like the oldest do-getter. I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want I don't want to like disappoint my parents.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Truly.

SPEAKER_05 22:40

But I was very adamant about being in the social scene. So I was the one that was. You did still want his MPD. He said, I still want my MD. I was very much the one that would be at all the parties and still invited to all the parties. I just, it was just known that I wasn't going to be drinking. So interesting. It was fun.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:57

But also it was like kind of this whole thing where like everybody there, it was usually like us and the great above us. Everybody there would be like, okay, well, if the cops show up, let's all make we sure we get Tyler out of here first.

SPEAKER_03 23:06

Or Tyler can get us out of here. Or Tyler can get us out of the drive.

SPEAKER_05 23:09

Or like, oh really at the end of the day, I could have just like blown. But yeah, that's true. Yeah. Blown.

SPEAKER_03 23:13

So disgusting. He would never blow a cop.

SPEAKER_05 23:16

This is you can put above the screen. You can go crass.

SPEAKER_04 23:19

Uncouth. Crass.

SPEAKER_05 23:21

So yes, it was happening. I don't think it was happening to the degree that it was like in your high school. Like they're definitely, I think there was the party groups, they're definitely they existed, but they're a little bit more outliers or they're a little bit more even and level. There's also a lot of groups that were at home with Papa Murphy's. Like a lot.

SPEAKER_04 23:36

Yeah. I would say if you took the demographics in my high school, probably like six, honestly, probably like 60, 40, if not like 75, 25. With 25, we're only actually drinking.

SPEAKER_00 23:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:48

But all of us, everyone was drinking and everyone was having sex, but really not everyone was. And for us, it was just a lot less accessible.

SPEAKER_03 23:54

I was gonna say, how are you getting your alcohol?

SPEAKER_05 23:56

Yeah. Oh, girl. But they all older siblings that were all in town, like things like that.

SPEAKER_03 24:00

Would Lacey and Michelle buy for you?

SPEAKER_05 24:01

Not till I was in college.

SPEAKER_03 24:02

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 24:03

Maybe senior year. It was just not really accessible. Accessible and not really like we didn't really have there was like not places that people could go and drink. It wasn't like you could go out into the field where he could. Yeah, they had to go to a house. We were at someone's house. So like when it happened for us, it was their parents were out of town, which often parents were kind of like smart enough or like weren't just like leaving their house unattended. Or one big one was like there was a couple people that were very regular house sitters for other adults that didn't have kids.

SPEAKER_03 24:29

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 24:30

So those adults would go on their trips and these friends would hold parties. But we did that all the time. Hold parties at these people's houses.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

I think you're just like that makes me nervous right now.

SPEAKER_04 24:39

Isn't that insane? Frontal lobe not formed, and you're just like, they're they're never gonna know. Like I remember throwing parties in high school in my specific house I need to tell you about off mic. There's no fucking way my parents came home from Chico and we're not like 50 people have been in our house right now.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

If I held a party at your house while you were gone, no cameras involved, yeah, and you came back, like what would what would show you that 50 people had been in here?

SPEAKER_04 25:02

I know I like think about my house. I'm like, what? It's either gonna be too fucking clean or there's gonna be evidence. Like there's nothing in between.

SPEAKER_03 25:10

You can just, especially as a kid, like you weren't like, oh, you can't get rid of all the evidence.

SPEAKER_04 25:14

Right. And you're like, oh, I'm not gonna have to. I really just felt like vacuuming.

SPEAKER_03 25:18

Right.

SPEAKER_05 25:18

Yeah, people throwing up in the lawn.

SPEAKER_04 25:20

My living room floor. Every year my parents went on this one trip in January to Chico Hot Springs, and it was like known in my high school that it was like because my dad was a high school teacher too. So it was known that like Mr. Hunter was and Mrs. Hunter were leaving for the weekend and it's party at on our house. Like the annual shindig. That's so funny. Did they know? No.

SPEAKER_03 25:40

Do they know now?

SPEAKER_04 25:41

I'm sure. We should tell her.

SPEAKER_03 25:42

We should tell her.

SPEAKER_04 25:43

My mom? She knows. You know, right, mom? No. You think she does? I don't know if she does.

SPEAKER_03 25:48

So wait, were you cleaning up the vomit?

SPEAKER_04 25:49

Oh, yeah. My parents also had this disgusting green carpet from 1997, so it was easier to hide.

SPEAKER_03 25:55

Yeah, that does help.

SPEAKER_04 25:56

But also, like it smells like carpet cleaner.

SPEAKER_03 25:59

It smells like a little bit of vomit, too.

SPEAKER_05 26:00

Yeah, and always a little bit, but okay. What about your first time drinking, everyone? Can we go about that?

SPEAKER_03 26:05

Whipped cream, Smirnoff, vodka in my still bestie Rainey's dorm room. Very much like, I've never drank before. I need to drink. Rainey, help me drink. Threw up into a uh plastic bag.

SPEAKER_05 26:19

Multiple times or just once?

SPEAKER_03 26:20

I think once. You'd have to consult Rainey. It was very much of like, we just gotta break this seal. We gotta break this seal. We gotta do this. We gotta do this.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 26:27

I had already shed religion by that point. I was like, girl, let's get fucked up. She got an MIP in college, so I knew I was coming to the right person. Just kidding. Now she literally has a PhD. She's always had her shit together. But yeah, it was very much of like, logistically, this needs to happen. I'm too old to be a virgin that's never had alcohol. We gotta get some things moving.

SPEAKER_05 26:47

Funny. Cuts her hair that night. And this was your this is your first semester of college.

SPEAKER_03 26:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:52

I do wish that I had hung out with my friends who got M IPs. Not that I got an MIP, but I wish that it was just a little more relaxed back then. Yeah. And just had had that experience. And then the pendulum would not have swung so hard when I went to college and when I was my young person.

SPEAKER_04 27:05

I feel like that's a huge sentiment because I knew so many people that never drank, never and then got to college, especially as an RA. Like so many freshmen that just like they'd never had a touch of alcohol before and they just fucking went ham. And then had to get metabacked out of the and then had to have the conversation with their parents of being like I went to the ER because I drank too much.

SPEAKER_03 27:24

They pumped my stomach.

SPEAKER_04 27:25

Which doesn't help anything because it's like the cyclical nightmare of parents being like, I'm so scared you're actually gonna go to college and drink, which you are, and then that's what happens. Yeah. So I always I'm kind of a big proponent of mine, might be a little extreme too far, of like, hey, I think it'd be great for us to adopt some harm reduction principles around it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:45

And also, like, even if you don't want your kids to drink before they go to college, that's fine, but talk to them about alcohol to drink safely.

SPEAKER_04 27:51

And the real is the Yes. Which I feel like your parents have that like talk to you about it going to college.

SPEAKER_05 27:56

Before I left to college, they were like, fuck, we gotta get this in. We forgot to cover this.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

They set you down.

SPEAKER_05 28:01

Yeah, well, we were just kind of like hanging out and we had all like we had a little barbecue with like my family that's in town because I was leaving the next day. And then they we it just kind of naturally came up and they were like, Do you think you'll drink? And I was like, Yeah, probably. I don't know. And they pretty much, it was just very casual. They were just kind of like, We just kind of are nervous you're gonna go crazy. And because you were such a rules, of your own accord. Well, they're just like you're just nervous that you're gonna be like on your own, and just they were just like, please just like think about it and don't like just go crazy and do some exercises to make sure you understand limits. Um I didn't necessarily specifically say exercises, but then I went to college and did not drink the whole first semester. Then I I kind of felt the same way where I was like, I I gotta keep up.

SPEAKER_03 28:41

So you just make it too big of a deal at some point, too.

SPEAKER_05 28:44

Yeah. And so my first time drinking, I've ever told you about my first time. Maybe you have, told me. I probably have. I came home from college and my best friend had gone to college, and she started we both neither of us drank in high school. She went and she started drinking her first semester, and she was like, It's so fun, it's so funny.

SPEAKER_04 29:00

She called you on the first day and said, Okay, well, I'll drink. You not drink, yeah. And then we're gonna meet each other semester.

SPEAKER_05 29:05

And so then we came home and we were just hanging out one night, and she was like, Well, maybe do you want to try it? Like, should we just try it at my house? Very, very same as your your situation where it's like, okay, let's do it. I know you, you're my best. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we go and we're like, her dad also just didn't drink, hadn't drinked for like 25 years. But there was still like fucking like 15-year-old bourbon in her parents' cabinet that had never been touched. And so we think her parents are in bed.

SPEAKER_03 29:28

It's a crazy thing to start with.

SPEAKER_05 29:29

We think her parents go to bed for the night, and so we go out, we're like standing, she's physically standing on a chair, trying to get into the alcohol cabinet, and we're like pouring stuff like out into water bottles. We're doing science. Her mom comes out and goes, What are you doing? And then she probably heard slinking. She's like scram, scram, scram, and she catches us.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Before you'd started drinking?

SPEAKER_05 29:51

Before we we were we were trying to obtain the alcohol, just looking for the Yahtzee. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:56

And let's try to keep it up here.

SPEAKER_05 29:57

So then we were like, This is what was going on. Tyler's never drank before. He was gonna try it.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

And we were going for the top shelf bourbon.

SPEAKER_05 30:06

And her mom, seriously, literally we had no other option. Like we were sitting there with plastic cups of bourbon. Yeah. And so she goes, Okay, well, obviously I would rather you not, but if you call Tyler's mom and ask, then you guys could maybe try it. So then I call my mom and I'm like, hey, just got caught trying to sneak alcohol. I need to just try to get caught sneaking alcohol at his house. But her mom said, Her mom said, Her mom said, if you're okay with it, then I I want to try drinking. So is that okay with you? And she said, obviously, I would rather you shouldn't. Like it's still illegal, but at the end of the day, you're an adult and you need to make your decision. So, like, the decision is yours.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 30:44

I said, Sweet, my mom said she's on board. And so then I went downstairs into their movie den and proceeded to take double shots of bourbon. That's insane. On a on an alarm every 10 minutes until we On an alarm. We both every 10 minutes. We were so I was so I've never been this drunk or sick ever since.

SPEAKER_03 31:06

And we So after 20 minutes, you already have four shots in you.

SPEAKER_05 31:10

Yeah, because they're doubles.

SPEAKER_03 31:11

You would have been throwing up by 30 minutes in, I think, if they were.

SPEAKER_05 31:14

About an hour in, we're both then we have crawled literally to the bathroom downstairs, and we're taking turns throwing up in her chair.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

Parents go back to bed.

SPEAKER_05 31:22

Parents go back to bed. Parents then get up. Her sister and her mom then get go to bed in her own bed. I'm still downstairs. Sick as a dog. Mom and sister sit up with me all night while I lay with half my body out of the bathroom talking to them about how great I'm loving college and RHA and everything. And then periodically being like, and then just hold that thought, and then going into the bathroom and vomiting and coming back out and being like, so anyway, we held this gummy bear eating contest. It was insane. It was I was so sick. Then our sister drove me home. Then our family are our families are all at church about four hours later.

SPEAKER_03 31:59

Not together, but did you tell your mom as soon as you walked in the door?

SPEAKER_05 32:01

Or did you just I said I we sat down, we got in, we see the h we sit down, I lean over to my mom and I go, I was so ill last night into this morning after doing that at S house. I just want to preface that before you see.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

Good.

SPEAKER_05 32:15

And then said, Hey, maybe we should go to lunch, Lori. Because I think was feeling like, oh shit, like this happened on my watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:23

The moms were cool. They were fine. They said the same thing basically. Like you shouldn't, but that's really fucking funny. You're such a unique person. The setting of alarms like that, I know. It's you make it into a chore.

SPEAKER_05 32:35

Well, I mean, basically I did what my parents were afraid of, which was I went crazy in a very controlled environment because it was I was so sick.

SPEAKER_03 32:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:44

I mean, if you have four shots of bourbon in 20 minutes, that means 10 minutes would be two.

SPEAKER_03 32:48

No, you'd start. Yeah. Two. And then four by ten minutes. I was still drunk.

SPEAKER_05 32:53

I was still drunk at church. Like, because by the time we actually really got after it, it was like 1 a.m.

SPEAKER_03 32:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:58

So this took place from like one to five.

SPEAKER_03 33:00

But on the Lord's Day. Jesus.

SPEAKER_05 33:01

Yeah. Literally. So anyway, that was fun. Yeah. It's to this day, I've I've had drinks with it or I've been able to drink it, but it's never like I could still like there's a little part of me that's like, whee. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:14

Why don't we start with beer and wine? Like, why do we have to go straight to first time drinking whipped cream vodka?

SPEAKER_04 33:18

Yeah. This makes sense. You be blue. Mine was um, so I feel like I casually lightly started drinking about lightly around family, about eighth grade.

SPEAKER_03 33:29

You would believe it though.

SPEAKER_05 33:30

I would. I had that. Oh, I would have a sip. Like dude, I got around Isaac's family. I was like, these people can we can drink any time of the day, anytime you want. It's just right there. You just pour what you want. Just pour what you want, it's all on the table. Everyone's bottles are out from the campers on the tables. It's like self-serve. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:45

Well, it's just like it's just like cows, like and dogs. Like there's the watering hole. There's certain kinds of dogs that you can just leave the food out and they'll self-regulate. And then there are certain kind of dogs that you can't. Right. So I I feel like it really started where me and my cousin would start sneaking Smyrnaff ice out of this is before when it was cool, out of just the camping cooler. When it was cool. And put together a little like six-pack cooler and take it back to our little tent. And then just do you did you get to a point where you're like, whoa, we're tipsy. Probably after half a drink, I'm sure we were like, oh woo. Yeah. And probably weren't at all. But so I feel like I kind of lightly towed into it. And then I played sports all through high school. And it was very like contractually, like if you got caught drinking, you were cut or I can't remember. Executed. Pretty much. So I was pretty, I was really strict about that. So I would never drink when you're quote in season. But not in season. But chug. And then I remember we had um my friends all had older siblings that were seniors my sophomore year, and it was spring break. And my family's similar back of the cabinet, it's just like whatever's left, like peppermint schnaps, hot dam, like some gift they got at a work party. Yeah, just like weird ingredients. Never gonna miss.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:53

So I remember loading my backpack up with that and uh showing up to this party, and it was probably like, I don't know, 30 people, and they had like a 12-pack of beers between all of them. And I just remember like opening my backpack and just like getting all these bottles out, and it was just like I had never been more popular in my whole life. I was like that was the peak of life, was like right there.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

I wish we had a list of every weird thing that you brought.

SPEAKER_04 35:16

Yeah, metaphorically, I was like on a chair as people were. Yeah, I wish I had a recording of that like five minutes.

SPEAKER_05 35:22

Yeah, just to I just want to view it, a view, you know.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

Isaac smirking.

SPEAKER_04 35:26

Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, guys. Then I proceeded to get so fucking drunk and then threw up all over the kitchen counter, all over the kitchen. And then me wanting to maintain my newly found cool status the next day, just told my friends, I mean, like, I think I'm allergic to seven. As in, I think I'm allergic to Seagram Seven. I'm allergic to it. I was like, no, I've had it before at the lake with my family, and it makes me sick every time I am allergic to it. Right. That is how cool. That is my that's my classic strategy in high school is like do whatever you need to do to just stay cool. But, anyways, that was probably my first time drinking. And then yeah, it was kind of party all through high school. Just when we were, especially summer, especially not in season. And also how often? Like weekly, summers weekly, like we someone was having a party every weekend. Yeah, it was so fun. Yeah, honestly, so fun. And also like pretty safe because we would go camping in the woods and nowhere. Our town had two cop cars, like they were never gonna find us or know about us, or be willing to go stir trouble to look for it. Like, who the fuck wants to drive out to the woods to find 30 kids drinking? Yeah, see, and we didn't really have that accessibility because we were in the city. They were driving wasn't an issue because we were all gonna camp. Yeah. And so it was great. I think it honestly for me, it's kind of funny because all my siblings grew up like that, and none of us really drink like super heavy. I'd probably drink the most between me and my sisters, and they're both kind of lightweights. Like we don't even drink that much.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

And I feel like we're truly lucky. Like, I think y'all are kind of a fluke in that way.

SPEAKER_04 36:50

I think so too, because everything from like our lineage means like we should all be alcoholics.

SPEAKER_03 36:54

I mean, alcoholism is so genetically passed on and it's a progressive disease. So if you've got that gene, yeah, it's not gonna fix itself, it just gets worse with time.

SPEAKER_04 37:04

Right. Like before us though, like that totally should have happened. But and we've all had our moments, we've had like blackouts or like crazy 21st birthdays, or like those times where just like that none of you have any absolutely schloshed is so rare. But yeah, which is great. So I don't know. I and I don't know if it was that thing of like we kind of just had like open access growing up. So then we kind of learned to self-regulate and also learned what we liked and didn't like and had enough hangovers to be like, I don't want to feel like that.

SPEAKER_05 37:29

It's hard to tell the nature of first nurture with your family and where how that happened with you and your siblings.

SPEAKER_04 37:33

Right.

SPEAKER_05 37:34

Because like, I mean, everyone generations above us, everyone like it is they drink. Once I started drinking, like in college, I definitely drank, but I still wouldn't say I and not any more than like a normal college student. Yeah, I feel like we I had pretty traditional, you probably drank more than me, but I was limited by being an RA. Right. And I was too at times, but once I become then once I became an RA, that was 21, I guess to like go out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:57

Okay, real quick on this, because I think this is crazy looking back at it. Did you ever have any RA programs that you had to do around alcohol?

SPEAKER_03 38:03

Honey, I didn't do any of those things as an RA.

SPEAKER_04 38:06

But like, did they have them of like any like you didn't ever have to do an event or a program? I don't think our programming was way extreme compared to everywhere else.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

No. I did a movie night once a semester. Okay, and it would be me and Rainey.

SPEAKER_04 38:17

So Montana State had the this crazy this was a sanctioned funded program, and we did it every year, and it was called Drunkapalooza. Because one of the things that's unique to Montana State on campus living is you can drink in the dorms if you're 21. And so we would do educational programming.

SPEAKER_05 38:34

Hello? Caroline of something something important this way. I'm literally looking at you.

SPEAKER_02 38:40

I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_05 38:41

He's not telling me the story.

SPEAKER_04 38:42

I was there. It's time I want a clip of that because I always get roasted on clips and I want a behind the scenes of that.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

I think I have ADHD.

SPEAKER_04 38:50

Well, I'm going on Monday. Based on that, I think you do. We can go tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 38:54

Well, Caroline's cares. Peptides are confusing to me.

SPEAKER_05 39:02

I fucking look over and you have that group message open and you're pressing the reaction buttons. Yeah. Whose water broke? My God.

SPEAKER_02 39:09

I'm sorry, what you were saying? Here's what I remember from what you just said. Yeah, yeah, repeat it back to me. So Montana State, you have funding from the government to put on these drinking programs and keep people safe.

SPEAKER_04 39:23

Yeah, we got a big check from a government. Oh my god, that was such a good clip.

SPEAKER_01 39:26

Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 39:27

That was such a good clip. Anyways. Anyways, this is crazy. Like we just talked about this. It's crazy looking back on it. But so you would have social programming funds where you do events and like they had to be educational. So every year in North Hedges, which is a big building, it's like 650 people, 800 with sweets, we would do this one called Drunkapalooza. And any of the RAs that were 21 and older, that's crazy. Up university police would come in and you couldn't drink in public areas, so that was a rule. But like each RA would get assigned a type of alcohol. So there'd be one person doing beer, one person doing wine, one person doing hard alcohol. They would go into the RD's apartment, and there was a conference room where you could live stream it and we would drink one drink. So you'd do one drink, and then we would come back out and you're like chugging. Yeah, yeah. It's like very quick. So glass of wine, whatever, shot, da-da-da. And then you'd come out and you they would do like these games and trivia and activities. And then slowly those RAs are getting drunker and drunker. And then UPD would test us. So then we would do, but then the whole time, like the residents could do like beer goggle walks and actually it was a really fun program.

SPEAKER_05 40:28

You could you hand it out, we handed out drink tickets and you could buy drinks for your RA to take. So you could get your RA drunk.

SPEAKER_03 40:35

Aye, yeah, yeah. This feels like an HR nightmare.

SPEAKER_04 40:37

For sure. I am sure it's not done anymore. Other RAs, all the ones that weren't 21, would go around with Skittles because every all the residents would have mocktails and then slip them in to people's drinks and be like, you just got roofied. You just got no idea. You just got roofied.

SPEAKER_05 40:50

I'd say, you just got roofied. You better be careful.

SPEAKER_04 40:52

But, anyways, you could and then UPD would actually like breathalyze them and then make them do like an actual DUI test and go through the full testing while how 200 people are watching.

SPEAKER_01 41:00

That's wild.

SPEAKER_04 41:01

Isn't that crazy? And like by the end of it, these three RAs would absolutely be throwing up every time.

SPEAKER_05 41:06

Isn't that wild? And it was like this exciting thing where you're like, ooh, I get to be the RA that does junk pollution. I don't think it happened when I was 21. We didn't do it when I was a 21-year-old RA. I think we saved lives. It was gone.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

It wasn't about alcohol education. It was about let's get these RAs fucked up.

SPEAKER_04 41:21

Some kind of culture. It was like we know how we'll get people to an event. So we did. Anyways, college, I feel like, is where you really took off on your drinking journey, especially right around 21, especially when you moved off campus. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 41:33

And definitely drank a lot, definitely binge drank a lot, but I it was like an invincible thing where I would be fine. Like I would go out on Thursday nights. Yeah, and then get up on Friday and go to class at 8 a.m. Like fine. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, like every single week. Yeah, bucket night, uh bar nine. Right. But then I think honestly when I honestly when I moved to Seattle was when I really continued that party, the partying stuff. But I also think I really understood how much of a drinking culture I grew up around. And I'm still like, I think learning it and being like, whoa, whoa.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_05 42:06

Just like there's just like there was a lot of people I started to meet people in the Seattle area, or like just friends of friends and things like that, that were just sober just by decision. Or not even they just because they didn't even really like drinking.

SPEAKER_03 42:17

Yeah, I have a couple buds who just like I don't like drinking. I don't like being out of control. I have high anxiety already. Like my sister's like this. She's like, the next day, even if I have a couple glasses of wine, my anxiety is so bad. Yeah, I get really bad anxiety anymore. It is not worth me ever drinking, basically.

SPEAKER_05 42:35

Right. Whereas being 21 and above in Montana, it was just like, it's what you do.

SPEAKER_03 42:38

Figure it out. It's we all like anxiety.

SPEAKER_05 42:40

It is, it's just kind of like what you do. Yeah, yes. And there's a lot of people that I think you don't even realize that you're having anxiety.

SPEAKER_03 42:45

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_04 42:46

But it's just it's happening, but it's so just like but I think there was also just like less pressure as as like life's pressures. I think there was maybe less in your 20s. It was a little bit more forgiving. And also everyone around you is in the same state. So there was like this communal piece of like we're all in it together. We're all feel like shit today together. Let's go to brunch and start again. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. For sure. Absolutely. For sure. But yeah, I think and then so you talk about like coming out. Yeah, coming out, and then like the freedom that also then came with like queer culture and drinking, I think was a different level. Not level, like more or less, but just it was just like the community. And that's how you met people.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

And I think for gay bars, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 43:26

It was like also there's you're tying in this like freedom of like never having a gay, really like social experience, or not one that's like not behind closed doors. And so then you'd go to your first gay bar, and then that was like so freeing, and then you finally felt like you were self, you could be yourself, and then you tie in out call. It just it was like so communal, yeah. Like it just like expanded your social life like 10 times.

SPEAKER_05 43:49

I think of our like my our ten years in Seattle, it's definitely been. I mean, I didn't have as much of a gay circle when I first moved here, but we all like the 910 Gwyn era, we all definitely were heavy partying. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 44:01

Um we all definitely were just like it was just very much young 20s work hard place.

SPEAKER_05 44:05

It felt it felt like college 2.0. Like we all had day jobs. Yeah. But then over the weekends we started to have some money.

SPEAKER_03 44:12

Money. Not a lot. Yeah. Paycheck to paycheck still.

SPEAKER_05 44:15

But we could go on some like trips. We were going to like we went to this this was before you came on the scene, but we went to like the San Juan Islands. We went to Vancouver. So it was very much like a we're all experiencing this city. We're all transplants to this city and part of us live on Capitol Hill. Let's do it big. And it was we did it was fun. Very fun.

SPEAKER_03 44:33

COVID certainly didn't help. Right.

SPEAKER_04 44:34

Oh then yeah COVID of it all. What else were we supposed to do? Yeah and then I think coming out not I mean we were out well before this but I think moving into a city with a very prominent gay night life. Gay nightlife yeah absolutely it like just like of course you're going to lean in it's how it was just like your social up like it was just like wow I'm meeting so many people and learning about myself and like who I am and this like pursuit of your own identity and understanding who you are while at the same time it was just like so fun. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 45:03

All at once. Yeah. Gay bars. Yeah like seeing go-go dancers yeah all of that. Yeah drags drag shows huge for me all a part of it but all wrapped up in party scene. Yeah and party all day see totally like even pride like morning to night totally so yep. So yeah that ran me hard and put me away wet for about eight years.

SPEAKER_03 45:24

I would say so yeah I would say so I'll say when I discovered gay bars it did feel safe in a different way. Yeah that's the thing too yeah just being queer and that level of safety and like seeing yourself reflected and that which we all share in but also just being a woman I was like this does feel a lot safer than being at Comet or a sports bar or at a house party. Like you're always kind of on edge there because as especially as a young woman starting to party you're told like always be aware of your surroundings this is how you get raped and it will be your fault. You know that's always in the back of your mind and not that that does not happen. It absolutely does there's still a ton of assault that happens in gay nightlife but as a woman it felt much safer to be in a gay bar and partying.

SPEAKER_04 46:05

And I think same for like physical expression. You know what I mean? Like I feel like what you're wearing how you're dancing like we grew up very much suppressing that and then having a yeah having it show its moments right and then finally when you get into queer nightlife and the alcohol the little boost of alcohol and confidence that came with it it was just like a level of freedom and safety. You're like oh well no one's gonna like hate crammy hair or say some stupid bigoted comment or it's just like you could truly could be free.

SPEAKER_00 46:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:36

While at the same time heavily drinking.

SPEAKER_05 46:39

So I think yeah we all agree that there is like a very prominent drinking heavy drinking culture in gay culture. And let me say too at the beginning of this this is all our own speculation as to why we think this is and us just speaking about it. Yes. We aren't necessarily our very much are not experts on the topic.

SPEAKER_03 46:58

But we have it's a generalization there's plenty of yeah people where alcohol and partying was not a part of their queer journey.

SPEAKER_04 47:05

Right. Right. And there's like full groups now that are like sober social groups.

SPEAKER_00 47:09

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:09

Yep. Huge. Yeah. So why do you guys think it is so prominent? I think it's honestly like very similar to Montana like growing up you're like everyone's doing it. And it's not like a I might as well do it too. I don't know for me it just like it's a social lubricant for me. Like I I think have general shyness in queer spaces or like when I first get there but if I have like two beers in me I'm just like a lot more like loose. And so I think there's that part of it of just like it is a bit of a confidence booster.

SPEAKER_05 47:35

I think so too. I think this is a generalization. I think it's a confidence booster. I also think there probably is a lot of people out there that they still are working through their queerness or or gayness and it's just kind of just like also a little bit of an escape. Yeah. And that escape comes in the form of like a bar and dancing and so I think there's there's a big part of that too. Like there's so many people that have gone through so much hurt growing up or so much not being themselves that it is just like this big release and escape.

SPEAKER_03 48:05

Yes. I looked this up beforehand because I was curious and this is such a simple thing maybe but I did Google like are there studies out there that gay people drink more than straight people and there are but generally the like abstract of what I was reading was like any oppressed marginalized group is going to have higher levels of substance use across the board pretty much. Because and then it kind of cleared from me like oh duh if you oppress someone discriminate against them make their lifestyle illegal treat them shittily just to read alcohol yeah kick them out substances would be used to help someone survive those situations. That is what I was trying to say.

SPEAKER_05 48:43

Yeah totally so I am an expert you are right exactly I nailed it on the head I agree. Yeah and I it's just so much a part of it. It's just like and also I think separate topic but also like drug use and party drug use is so prominent in the community. Yeah. And I think arguments are all around I think very much the gay men community like the circuit community and the it's all just or the downstairs bar cuff complex type of thing. Like that whole like party drugs stimulants to keep you up stimulants stay up all night dancing making out meeting people is very it's just a part of it. And I think me growing up and coming to Seattle I think early on thought that's what being gay was or like that's the path that you took. So like going not necessarily like drug use but going to those kinds of like environments and settings and I still love it. Like I love to dance. I love to be at those places but I thought that's that was everyone's trajectory. Yeah. Where it's very much as I get older and have more experiences and meet a lot more people. Yeah I think I very much have realized that it's not that was just kind of like what it was like in my brain.

SPEAKER_00 49:46

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 49:46

Do you think totally totally do you think so?

SPEAKER_04 49:48

Yeah I feel like that I feel like that now like I especially around like the like none of us at this table I think I'm not like a party drug expert by any means.

SPEAKER_05 49:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:58

So I don't want to like put a blanket statement on it of things that I don't fully experience or understand or know. But it is just very prominent in gay culture. Like when we go out and we go to a cuff and it's pride like I feel like most people are doing some sort of party drug. Yeah. Whether it's Molly or a lot of people are whatever it is.

SPEAKER_05 50:14

Right. Petamine but what I can't speak to is I mean we that's the experience. I also think there's other communities where that is the case. We just aren't part of those communities like the rave community. Right. Right. And you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 50:24

And like I don't know enough about it. Music festivals. Exactly. Yeah. Like I think if you talk to all those people that they're like oh it's like really safe if you do like X, Y, and Z. Like it is like any like I just don't know. And I the problem is I come from a culture of being like alcohol's totally fine. Yeah. Weed though, that's gonna kill you. Like I just remember my high school I remember having this like huge awakening moment really when I moved to Vegas and Seattle being like oh everyone grew up with Coke. Yeah. Accessible coke. Yes. And I didn't know that was a thing. No I like in my mind that was like you will die. Yeah me too. And that's just that was like the culture. But like if I would have walked like weed was treated that way.

SPEAKER_05 51:03

Yeah right growing up in my high school. That's crazy. If I would have walked into a high school party like the parties that I mentioned earlier and saw people doing Coke lines, I think I would have fainted. You would have run out of there on on the spot.

SPEAKER_03 51:15

I mean it still freaks me out a lot drugs really do. I am the girl that always has Narcan on the trips because I'm just so nervous about people having just the horror stories you hear.

SPEAKER_05 51:26

Right and it is kind of like a toe of the line of like you don't want to you don't want to be desensitized to it.

SPEAKER_03 51:30

Right.

SPEAKER_05 51:31

But you also want to be safe I don't want to stigmatize it at all.

SPEAKER_03 51:34

Right exactly um I think in a lot of ways drug use can be done in a much safer way than total drinking right and it's a part of life like harm reduction right people will will always use substances and a lot of the harm comes when we're stigmatizing the substance and we're criminalizing the substance right but it freaks me out.

SPEAKER_04 51:53

Yeah even I have a lot to learn in that area of just like I'm curious not not in like a experienced way but like I want to sit and talk to somebody a deal about being like queer drug culture. Yeah. Because it is more prominent than I think I ever knew. Yeah. And if we're at all ages. So yeah I know and I also like I don't I don't really know the EDM or house music part of it all but I think that is a very big part of the culture. I can remember being at Cuff last weekend and like everyone's doing this and they all look like they're having a good time. Music fucking is shit. It sucks. I don't get it I don't understand why no one in this fucking city can play standard top 40 and everyone is begging for it and wants to have fun, not a single bar in this fucking town. I don't understand it. But I think everyone was having a good time at Cuff, but I'm not partaking in the drug piece of it and I don't know if that's part of it. I don't know if like the mental state that you're in is like so euphoric that then you combine it with like that tempo and that music that it just is like feeling. Maybe and that's why so many people are like I feel like it has to be obsessed with above and beyond or obsessed with the gorge and it's like this like tie to nature plus also music and house music and like I have no experience in that area and it's I gotta be honest I don't get it. Found off let's know in the comments honestly let's have a gay EDM person I know I'm like I need someone that like really to like write us in and be like no this is actually why it's like that this is what it is and we would love to do an interview. Yeah or just call in leave us a voicemail and be like y'all are fucking dumb as hell. You're idiots but no I just feel like it's very prominent and I don't but I don't know much in the like queer drug space of it.

SPEAKER_03 53:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 53:25

Ariel what about the queer women space? Like do you feel like we smoking we yeah do you feel like there's there's part like what's the party element like or what's the I'm sure you can find every flavor but when I think of a lesbian I think of a stoner that would be like the main stereotype.

SPEAKER_03 53:42

Which I'm curious are you sober a hundred percent or would you dabble in non-alcoholic things?

SPEAKER_05 53:48

Good question. Def I would definitely dabble in non-alcoholic things.

SPEAKER_03 53:50

Like so you're just dry.

SPEAKER_05 53:52

A non-drinker I guess or dry yeah I guess you would technically say like we we throw around the term sobriety or sober. Right. But I I will like if we're all hanging out and we decide to like have a weed gummy me, Isaac and Chandler are having a fun Friday night.

SPEAKER_04 54:09

He's got those little pinky nails.

SPEAKER_05 54:10

No I'll like if we're if we're all doing something like that like we're hanging out at the house and we have like weed gummies and we're all like gonna watch a movie and stuff. I will definitely do that. Yeah so so I yeah so I wouldn't say sober like stone called sober.

SPEAKER_00 54:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 54:24

But I would say non-drinker is what I would label it, I guess. What do you think? And I know a lot of things be in my other hand isn't that what California sober is. It is it is I guess I also went like this I leaned open with the side but blinked the back one I went I also don't know specifically what that means.

SPEAKER_01 54:38

I think that means I think that means you're a huge stoner.

SPEAKER_05 54:41

Everything you do a lot of marijuana but nothing else or does that mean only not drinking I don't know I think we also call someone who drinks but can't do weed because it sends them into a state of paralysis.

SPEAKER_04 54:52

I'm kind of like that too I'm learning. Like I have to have like a very that's just a womanhood. You're just human yeah okay if I'm if I have like the slightest anxiety about anything. Which how could you not which I I think it's an age thing where it's like well now how can I not it's like I can't smoke or do an edible because it's just like whatever that thing is becomes it's this big and then it becomes this big. That's all I can think about. Yep and it's all I can think about and focus on but I would say within the last probably like three years before that we went through like a very like just like chill weed weekends like gummies having a like every joint. Yep sharing a joint and then just watching a movie and laughing and having fun. And so that was a really fun phase.

SPEAKER_05 55:30

Yeah we haven't I don't think we haven't done that in a while I guess.

SPEAKER_04 55:33

Like I love like a half a gummy and a just like chilling into the couch every now and then but I do have a the anxiety part I get so and I also have to be like jump started in the next day.

SPEAKER_05 55:43

Yeah I get so people say there's like no hangover from weed but I personally feel so groggy.

SPEAKER_04 55:48

It's like waking up in quicksand is how I feel. Yeah yeah like it takes so much for me to get going to do anything.

SPEAKER_03 55:54

Yeah right I think edibles especially are like that because it feels like they're like slow extended release or something.

SPEAKER_04 55:59

Yeah right yeah I do like a joint definitely more than a it just feels quicker and it's over quicker. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:04

I don't know right hello just kidding um hey everybody this is Tyler I'm gonna close out the episode quick here so right about at this point of recording we realized that we were 80 minutes in and still had not even really gotten to my personal story. We're gonna wrap up here and continue next week. So part one this week next week we will really dive into kind of my own decision and what led up to my decision to stop drinking about 18 months ago I will say it is it is pretty deep and high emotion. So be ready for that. Closing out for this week I will do song of the week my song of the week this week is going to be by an artist named Elio and she is kind of a young I would say sort of up and coming pop artist and I just saw her open pretty recently for another band and really really like her. So um the song that I cannot stop listening to is called Can I Make You Jealous and it actually came out on her album that she released in 2024. So check that out I will also post it and yeah wrapping up this week definitely make sure you like and subscribe reach out to us at no gazeinmontana at gmail.com and all of our socials no gaze in Montana and thanks so much we'll see you next week