Say This, Not That: Powerful Language Shifts Every Empath Needs

Today, we’re diving deep into the way you talk to yourself, and how upgrading your inner language becomes one of the most powerful forms of self-boundary setting and emotional freedom you can ever practice.

Because freedom isn’t just a lifestyle goal.
 It’s an inside job.

When your internal world is cluttered with self-criticism, pressure, and old programming, you don’t feel free — even if your life looks “fine” on the outside. But the moment you shift your inner dialogue, everything changes:

✨ You feel bigger than your fear
 ✨ You trust your choices
 ✨ You stop abandoning yourself
 ✨ You show up for what actually matters
 ✨ You move through life with ease, not urgency

This episode gives you the  “Say This, Not That” reframes that help you regulate your energy, restore self-trust, and create a compassionate relationship with yourself.

We explore why these shifts work, how they change your brain, and how they help you build an internal environment where freedom is actually possible.

And if you’re ready to go deeper…

🌿 The Modern Empath's Boundary Mastery: Doors Close December 1st!

For the next two weeks, enrollment is open for MEBM -  my signature program for empaths who want to heal emotional overwhelm, stop self-abandonment, and finally build boundaries that feel aligned, loving, and sustainable.

CLICK HERE to learn more about MEBM

Transcript

0:00

You know, often I ask people the question, what do you want? It's a great question to flex your muscles and learn how to answer that question. It's, it's an important question to be able to answer. It empowers us to answer it. We stand in our ground when we answer it, and not everybody knows how to answer that question. But what I do know, and what I can tell you is that when I help people to answer that question, most of the things that they come up with, and I think you're gonna, you're gonna hear this and you're gonna, you're gonna feel it. Most people. Tell me that they want freedom. They wanna feel free. And no matter what they come up with, that is, you know, a story in their life. When we whittle it down, we can come back to freedom most times. Freedom from fear, freedom from overthinking, freedom from always being on for everyone else, freedom from the perfectionism, the self-doubt, the procrastination, the constant feeling of being trapped inside your own mind. And here's a part that's hard to swallow, but also incredibly empowering. The loudest prison. Is often inside your own head, and the key to unlock it is already in your hand. Today I'm gonna walk through why freedom is an inside job and how changing the way you talk to yourself, the boundaries you hold with yourself and the identity you step into in this process can open the door to a completely different life. Hi, this is Michelle Verman. I am your host here for Into the Work Therapies for Empaths and Seekers. If you're new welcome or if you're old to the show or been around a while, welcome back, before we dive in to this episode I want to let you know my program, the Modern Empath Boundary Mastery, is officially open for the next couple weeks. This is my signature program where we go deep into the exact inner work we're talking about today. I'll have a show on next week that we're gonna go even deeper into some of work that's involved that you'll be doing in the program if you've been wanting to rewrite. Old patterns. Strengthen your boundaries, trust yourself again, and truly change your inner world. This is where we do it together. Okay? So I'll tell you a little bit more about it at the end, but let's, go ahead and let's jump in here. So people think freedom. Is external, like I'll be free. Because other people will change things or my location will change, or, you know, my responsibilities will change and so people think freedom is external. They think in terms of more time, more money, more support, more spaciousness, and that is 100% true. But there are two aspects to freedom that are very important. And so time, money, support, and spaciousness is one of them. Those are the external values that we truly want to strive for, but freedom begins internally. This is the foundational work that we're talking about here today so that the external stuff can happen. Self-trust, inner permission, emotional clarity. No longer abandoning yourself, not letting fear run the show. Perfectionism, self-doubt, procrastination, avoidance, right? They all feel like maybe I'm listing off some of your random bad habits, but they're actually inner patterns that are woven into your experience throughout your life that your brain thinks is what you should be doing. It's programmed to believe that's what you do to stay safe. There are boundaries with yourself that have never been built. Okay? Because there are stories that have gone unchallenged. And today we're gonna change that and I'm gonna show you, uh, some examples of how to do that. So let's just talk about the fact that the language you use it shapes your inner and outer world. Like it's so different when somebody talks to you one way or somebody talks to you another way, right? If your boss comes in and says, you know, you suck. I'm really frustrated with you, feels completely different than, Hey, I really believe in you, but I just noticed you are slacking in this area and I know how good you are. Can we get this done? Like that feels very different. So there are so many different ways in which you. Inside yourself are creating this language, these words that go on repeat. Because actually I find typically, and I think you're gonna understand this, but I believe that the span of your language, when we look at people's internal world, their language whittles down to much fewer words. You're much more creative in the external world. Deep down inside it's not as colorful. It's not as expansive. Your language. Your brain hears your words though as instructions. I am. Anything that follows that I am anything. It creates your identity. Your brain hears it and says, that's who I am. It believes what you're saying. Identity creates. Behavior and that identity creates emotion. And so how you feel in the world, based on what you think and believe about yourself, which is identity increases how you act, right. And changes. Your whole life, your behavior becomes and creates your life. So let's look at some powerful identity reframes. Okay? And as you listen, I want you to choose the one that hits your heart the most. 'Cause there's some I, I mean, I could sit here all day and go through statements. I mean, I really could. There are so many of them that you could be saying to yourself, but the sake of the show, I'm gonna just. Throw out a number of them. A few of them, and I want you to just see what, which ones are yours, if you've got any in here, okay? And so an old version of you. Now I'm gonna reframe this because we're all, we're invested in where you're going, not where you've been. So we're looking at, okay, old version of you. I really want to be more confident. I wish I was more confident. New version of you changes that language around and says something like, I'm someone who trusts myself and my decisions act accordingly. Right? Maybe you have an old messaging that says, Ugh, I need to stop. People pleasing I, this is so out of control. I need to stop people pleasing. New you. Okay? This is your upgraded version. I'm someone who values my own needs and choices. I'm gonna act accordingly, right? You'll notice I'm gonna say the same thing at the end 'cause it's powerful. How about I should set better boundaries? It's so frustrating.. I never set good enough boundaries. I'm frustrated. I'm so bad at boundaries. Anything to do with that knew you, where you're going, who you're becoming. The statement is, Ooh, I'm someone who protects my time and energy. I have to remember to act accordingly. I must have forgotten, right old you. I wish I could speak up more. I'm so weak. I never speak up loud enough. I'm always so scared. New you. I'm someone who communicates clearly and directly and I need to remember that and and speak up. Old you God, I wanna be less anxious. I'm so anxious all the time. I wanna be less anxious. New you. I'm someone who moves through life with ease and I trust. I'm gonna have to remind myself of that and just act accordingly. Meaning talk to yourself accordingly. Speak to yourself accordingly. Tell stories to yourself accordingly. Right? Old, you might be saying things like, I need to stop procrastinating. What is wrong with me? Who you're becoming says to yourself, I'm someone who takes action on what matters most. Act accordingly, Michelle. That's what I'd say to myself. I use my own name sometimes I, i'm someone who takes action on what it matters most. I need to remember that. So I like saying I need to remember that because it reminds you like you just forgot. It's just, that's okay. That's no big deal. You just forgot. Oh yeah, that's right. I'm not that person anymore and I know I'm making this sound pretty simple, but it really can be that simple if you play with it. I want you to be playful and no more like, you know, oh my gosh, so serious. I'm gonna be so mad at myself. And that is not high vibe. Be playful. Laugh at yourself. Say, oh my God, look, I just did that again. Welcome this opportunity for you to say and talk to yourself this way so that say, thank you. Oh my gosh, I'm so glad that just happened. Now I can practice my new statements, right? I'm someone who takes action on what matters most to me. I have another episode number 20 called, Hey, empath, stop repeating these words so you can stop summoning your inner victim and start feeling like a powerful manifester. I'm gonna go ahead and put that in the show notes, 'cause that also is gonna be an amazing episode to piggyback this one. Okay. So if, if you've heard it before, go back and listen to it again, because you're gonna get new reminders, new aha moments. So this is all how identity shifts begin, and this my friend, is how freedom begins. You start with just the simplicity of shifting how you talk to yourself. So much of the freedom that you are yearning for is self-induced imprisonment through how you're expressing yourself inside yourself, the limitations you're putting on yourself, the jail cell that you're putting yourself, you know, inside of when you feel trapped, have tos, shoulds, all the way that you're talking to yourself, that is, is literally trapping you and making you feel like you don't have free. You have a perception of not being free. You have a perception that you are stuck and trapped in whatever's going on in your head, but it's not real. It's just what you're creating in your life, right? It's just what you're creating. We're constantly, we're massive creators in this world. You are constantly creating, let's shift what you're creating, right? Let's create something really incredible and beautiful. So let's talk about boundaries with yourself. Most people think boundaries are something you set with other people, but the most important boundaries you have with yourself, I know I'm always talking about this, but truly, you know, when it comes to boundaries, the boundaries you have with yourself. And we're gonna get more into some really cool deep work next week, but the boundaries you have with yourself are truly foundational. Okay. Foundational to being able to have good boundaries with other people. In the same sense that working on the freedom within. Is what has to happen first. Like it's a, it's foundational for you in order to go out and kill it out there and create all the things my, you know, money, time, all the things we talked about, those other sources of freedom. Really working within yourself first is what holds you. It's what propels you out into the world to do the good stuff. So let's look at three examples. Just three types of boundaries you can have with yourself that create freedom. Okay, so one, let's just look at micro boundaries. Let's just talk about little micro boundaries. These are small ones that we're gonna start with, that you can just be really doable. Okay? Like I'm gonna take 10 minutes to. Um, meditate. I'm gonna drink an extra glass of water today, right? Every day I'm doing, I'm adding one. Maybe every day I add another one, so I'm adding onto it, or whatever it is that you're looking for. You know, maybe you have a micro boundary, around one small thought like no phone until after. You do grounding in the morning, like you don't get to go right on the phone first. Um, you see these little micro boundaries, these little, intentional choices that you set for yourself. It's important for you to start small because you need to build self-trust. Now, if you are somebody that kills a boundary, okay, like you show up for yourself a hundred times a day and you have zero concerns about whether or not you set a boundary, you'll show up for yourself, right? You, if you've never self abandoned and you never, avoid procrastinate, any of that stuff. This might not be the thing for you. You might wanna go out and set really big boundaries 'cause that's where your muscles are at. And so micro boundaries might feel too small for you, but for missed, most of you listening, I think starting with these small little things is relationship building with the self. Okay? So it's really something small, relatively doable. That you can do now, especially my a DD friends, right? Like you might be listening and be like, yeah, Michelle, thank you. I'm gonna say that to myself, but then my squirrel brain is gonna be like on 500 things, and then by the time my time runs out, I'm gonna realize I never did the thing. Right? So that is why you in particular need to really make this sacred. Like you need to like maybe draw up a contract. Right. You need to truly engage with it. It needs to feel important. You need to have a little bit of urgency to it, so if I am going to create urgency around, you know, my workout, like I'm gonna say, you know what? It's really doable for me to do a workout. I'm gonna make it as easy as possible and say that I only have to do 15 minutes because that's just what I need my to build a relationship with myself that says, I can do this. I like it. We're gonna keep going. And so to build some urgency around it, I might set an alarm., have different kinds of things go off and tell me this thing has to happen now, and get really clear with my why around it like, I have to do this many this week for this reason. Right. This is what I really want for myself. And I would breathe on that. Like I would really sit with it, program my brain, tell the cells in my body, this is so important and this is why. And this means so much to us and this is why. And. This is the goal we want by the end of the week. And this is why it's so important. You really have to be attached to your why for even for some of us, even this, these micro little tiny, you know, goals that we're gonna set. And so you're building your relationship building with yourself. So the other thing is just sort of having some sort of, I'll call it like an anchor ritual. So rituals that anchor you. Okay? Tiny nervous system regulating practices. Every day you're doing a brief session of four six breathing, meaning you breathe in for four, you breathe out for six. You could do box breathing or, or something like that. Maybe every day you put your hand on your heart and you set intentions. You come and bring in gratitude and really that could be five minutes. Uh, journaling a couple of sentences to just get started, like maybe you're like for 15 minutes, I'm just gonna say what I want for today. I love these things beginning or end of the day the most because they set the tone, um, either for the day or the next day. So these create emotional safety so you can take action. Um, they're actually really important part of brain training is creating space. If we are a pinball in the machine. 24 hours a day, except for when you're sleeping, you're not, this isn't, it's not gonna click. It's, you're gonna have a harder time being in any type of relationship with yourself that you can actually, you know, truly find freedom. And then last, we're looking for accountability. That's compassionate. Okay? I just want you to think about this when we're talking about you building in some freedom, your internal freedom. Part of that is you need to understand what it even means for you. Okay. To want something, number one, and go get it. Number two, with the motivation of love, compassion, excitement, right? Versus the attachments. Okay. Motivation, that's positive versus negative attachments, right? Like pressure proving punishment, right? Not good enoughness, right? And so. We're looking for not punishment, not pressure, just checking in with yourself like you would with someone you love. And this is the type of work we, we practice deeply inside. Um, I call it bum. It's our loving name. Bum. It sounds like me. Bum. I know. But bum is the modern empath boundary mastery because inner boundaries are the foundation of those outer boundaries. So before we can even jump into all the things you're gonna learn about, well, how to be in your body, how to, what to say, what to do, what are the red flags, what are the green flags? Like, what do you need to know about boundary setting and why is it so important to even do this work? Which you know I'm gonna tell you is because I want you to learn to be out in this world. 'cause we need as many women out there as possible who are, are. Anchored in being seen, known, heard, appreciated, right? I want you to stand in your power. We need more leaders that are healthy out in the world, emotionally balanced, intuitive, who are out in the world doing beautiful things. And in order to do that and to bring in, um, you know, a more light into your life. Certainly freedom. Absolutely. In order to have freedom inside and out is your ability not only to tolerate, but to bask in your truth, being known, being heard and seen. And so let's take another moment and just go over a couple more reframes. Okay. I want you to go ahead and take a deep breath In This time, we're gonna have you actually just allow these to come in and then allow them to come out. You're just gonna repeat them after me. Okay? And so you're taking a nice deep breath in. You bring to mind, you can bring to mind a phrase you say to yourself that tightens you, constricts you right, stresses you out. I'm gonna. Go ahead and say ones that come to mind, like, I have to get this perfect. I'm always behind. Why is what's wrong with me? Everybody else is doing it. Right. Right. I'm always behind. Or you know, you have something you're supposed to do and you say, oh, I'll do it later. And then you feel the anxiety, the, the, the weight of I'll do it later. Or that overwhelm, you know, that overwhelm of, I can't handle this. So let's look at those phrases. 'cause those seem to be pretty universal. So I'm gonna say to you, I have to get this perfect, and I want you just to notice like where that phrase sits in your body, right? I have to get this perfect. If that resonates with you and you have some perfectionism, you have a lot of proving and to do in the world, I want you to just notice where you feel that in your body and let's go ahead and reframe it instead of, I have to get this right. I want you to say to yourself, I am someone who values progress, not perfection. I am someone who values progress, not perfection. Or that statement when I was like all stressed out, I'm always behind. This is something I used to feel all the time, and I still do. I still do. I feel like I put the brakes on when everybody else like flies by me and goes off and does things that are so cool. And I'm like, well, why can't I do that? So I want you to say to yourself, I am always behind. Like that's just the painful one, right? And now I want you to feel this and repeat this to yourself. I am someone who moves at my right pace. I am right on time. I love that statement. You are right on time, sister. We really all are things that are truly for us, never pass us. They just aren't for us then. Right? And we don't really know how to truly allow that to guide us. That's not how we were raised most of us. Right. So let's look at that statement of, I'll do it later, right? I'll do it later. I'll do it later. That anxiety that comes with that now you're gonna repeat, I am someone who honors what matters, and I will act accordingly. And now, so let's do the last one, which is, I'm so overwhelmed, I can't handle this. I can't handle it. Now, many episodes you might have heard me say, I don't, I try not to use that term anymore. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm like, it's out of my vocabulary. I don't allow myself to say it. I, I always try to do some sort of a reframe in that feeling starts coming up. NI don't do overwhelm is sort of the, the, the statement I first say, I don't do overwhelm. Um, however, when you say, I just can't handle this, you, you feel that way, I want you to say, I'm someone who trusts myself to handle what comes my way. Just feel the ease in that I'm somebody who trusts myself to handle whatever comes my way. And the truth is, you have always handled things as they've come your way, you've always handled it, and you've somehow succeeded. You're still here, whatever. Even if you didn't do it to the way that you would've liked to have done it or that, now you have a better. Viewpoint so you can judge it right, but at the time, we're always doing our best for the most part. And you to trust your best is enough. Now, put a hand on your heart and repeat after me. I am someone who protects my time and my energy. Two more breaths, just breathing in. Out. Beautiful. You are reprogramming by saying this new language that I matter, I protect my time and energy. I have all the freedom that I want to have inside me. Simply by acknowledging and creating such freedom, you just have to create it. That's all You've been creating the opposite, so. Turning this into real change, you know, we have to. To make this stick, you know, just pick one identity reframe, right? So like, what's the old you? Right? If I had to choose one, right? Maybe yours is the overwhelm, or maybe yours is, you're always procrastinating or, um, you have to get it perfect, you know, or you're always feeling like you're behind. So you choose one. And really focus on it this week. Just really focus on it. Shift the new language, come up with a reframe and stick with it and keep repeating it. Okay? Pick one identity reframe for the week and repeat it. I want you to pair it with one micro boundary, so you're just gonna say something. One small, little, tiny goal. One little thing that you can start to repair your relationship with yourself with. This is doable. It's something that is gonna feel good when you do it. You're gonna come at it with love and encouragement and excitement and joy and. You know, uh, I want you to like, think about this as investment in the bank, right? You're making a deposit, a very, very important deposit, so I want you to do that little micro boundary daily if possible, and simply just track your wins, right? Small consistency is life changing. We know this through habit stacking, if you haven't already read the book on that right. Habit stacking is. Been profound for some people. Just tiny little changes. These micro little changes repeated over time are life changing, right? And so, why is this important? Because if you do this work, if you actually shift your identity just a slight bit and the boundaries you have with yourself, here's what becomes possible. You stop overthinking and you start really trusting yourself. You take action faster with less drama. You just know something's right and you go for it. You feel emotionally lighter. You just do. When you start feeling at ease with yourself, when you're not constantly on yourself in this way, you're mentally clearer. You stop abandoning yourself. It, it certainly is the first step towards that. You no longer tolerate relationships or patterns that drain you. Okay. We, we know that's a thing, um, because you start really showing up for yourself and you start mattering more. And, and building this relationship with yourself means building more freedom and also freedom to choose who's in your life and who's not. Right? You show up aligned, confident, and grounded more often. I am not saying that you're gonna do these little micro boundaries, right? You're gonna do these little micro changes and you're gonna, um, do these small little steps and all of a sudden you're gonna be this confident, grounded person 24 hours a day. Of course not. You're human. You're here to f it up and blow it up and learn again. But it is something that will increase how you feel embodiment, like just embodiment of what you want. Mattering and again, moving you closer into your comfort zone of being felt, seen, heard, and known, and you finally feel free from the inside out. And that's how freedom really works, is from the inside out. Most of us have to actually choose happiness. Choose to feel free. Choose to feel joy. It's many times throughout the day, it is a this way. Take a left or a right, right? Like, are you gonna go left or are you gonna go right? It can be that simple. This is the freedom that most of us crave, and it is available to you. So if this episode resonated with you, if you felt a spark, we do that work every single week inside the modern and past boundary mastery. This is where we learn boundaries with ourself and AKA shifting the relationship with yourself, right? You're limiting beliefs about yourself. All the things that are holding you back are blocking. You are the relationship with yourself. And then we focus a. Boundaries with others. That's like soul work in relationships. Um, we look at emotional resiliency even as we move into your energetic boundaries. Not only we talking specifically about energetic boundaries, but also the work of holding a vibration differently in the body, which means higher emotional set points, which means more higher valued emotions more often throughout the day. Feeling better, feeling good, feeling alive, feeling your Yes. And then becoming the source of attraction, right? Bringing yourself to the same level of what you want. You know, you're kind of becoming her, you're, you're working on becoming her, the woman that you really yearn to be because it's in coded deep within you to be that woman. And there's work to be done. And I just wanna say, this is a shout out to you. If you're ready to do that work, because I'm here for your sister, we will do that work with you. And it's a beautiful group of women. Right now, it's relatively small. It's only, nine women right now in the group. you'll have till March 9th to work on this stuff, and you'll come out feeling so different. You're just gonna start to shift and change, and really start showing up for yourself. It's a course that you follow along with, and then we meet weekly in the group. There's lots of really impactful tools in there as well. Like I have some really powerful. Activations and meditations that I don't even like calling them meditations 'cause I don't feel, for some of them they really are activations. They are literally something. I have had someone sign up for the course. And she couldn't attend 'cause she lived in Australia, so she couldn't do the group. So she just did the course and, and she just did the meditation and was like, that first activation that I did was like, all I needed, it was like cha felt, she felt it was life changing. So there's so many really beautiful things inside this that I've really cultivated for you and experience, and I would love to have you join us. I'll have that in the, uh, show notes. I will be closing the doors, of course, because uh, it does have an end date and I'd love to get you in and start doing some of this amazing work. Alright, so remember after today's episode reminding you that freedom is an inside job. And I believe deeply that you are someone who is ready to rise into your next level of freedom. I love you. I'm so proud of you. I will see you in next week's episode. Don't forget to stay tuned because next week we're gonna just dive into, it's the five most important things for you to be focusing on right now. That will help you shift your boundaries. So I'll look forward to talking to you next week. Bye for now.