The Boundary You’ve Been Avoiding: Why You Know It’s Time and What’s Really Stopping You

There’s a boundary you already know you need to set.

Not one you just learned about.
 Not one that someone suggested.
 The one your body has been whispering about for a while now.

In this episode, we’re not talking about boundary-setting scripts or communication tips. We’re exploring why awareness hasn’t yet turned into action — and what this particular boundary is really asking of you.

This conversation is for empaths, spiritual entrepreneurs, and women who are exhausted from over-giving, over-functioning, and being “the safe place” for everyone else. Especially if you’ve reached a point where something inside you knows: this season is over.

We’ll talk about how self-abandonment often begins as a survival strategy, why setting boundaries can feel like an identity shift, and the hidden costs of continuing to say yes when your body is already saying no.

This episode is an invitation to stop explaining, stop justifying, and start listening — not to fear, but to your nervous system, your intuition, and the version of you that’s ready to be honored.

Transcript

0:00

Hi, this is Michelle Erman. Welcome back to Into the Work Therapy for Empaths and Seekers. And today we are gonna start talking to you about the boundary that you've been avoiding, and here's why. Last week we talked about this changeover of energy that's coming for 2026. And I gotta tell you, I'm excited about it. Like it really thrills me to think. That this coming year is going to really release us from the shedding process we've been going through, because really, I feel it. I can already feel this new energy coming. And just to be clear, we're talking about the energy that's coming as the year of the horse switches over, and that doesn't even happen until February 17th, but right now we're leaving one year and entering into the next. And in order to do this, I talked about this last time and that in order to do this successfully, to really have this shift, make a difference and have an impact, we have to have the capacity for it. We have to be resourced for these changes, or we are going to, as a therapist, I've been doing this for 20 years, I'm watching people try to raise themselves up, do all these new things, create these changes. Our desire alone, nevermind. The action steps you're gonna take to create change are going to trigger you back into old patterns. And so in order for you to hit the ground running in this horse race, running forward and getting this new juice in you and making things happen, really wanna talk about how do we make it sustainable? How do we create capacity? So today I wanted to talk to you about one action step that you can take right now to tell your unconscious self, you mean business? To really step into your power and. To create the very thing that you need right now in order to have the resources, in order to have the capacity to go into this next year and make the changes. You want to embody them to become who you're really truly here to grow into. And that. Is your boundaries. And of course, I'm always telling you that the most important thing that we can do in our boundaries is look at the relationship we have with ourself. So what are the boundaries you have with yourself? How are you showing up for yourself? So today we're talking about the boundary you've been avoiding. Why, you know it's time and what's really stopping you from stepping into it and setting that on fire, doing it, taking care of it. so jumping in, I just wanna say, there is a boundary that you've been thinking about for a while now. Not one that you probably just learned about. Or is gonna take you by surprise today. Right? Not one somebody suggested on Instagram when you were scrolling. I'm talking about, the one you already know you need, you've felt it in your body. You've had the conversation in your head, probably many times you've told yourself after this project, right, or after the holidays or after things calm down, or when the time is right and yet here you are. If you're listening to this episode, it's probably because something inside, you knows, this isn't a avoidance anymore. We are switching into readiness. Okay? And that's what this episode is about, getting you ready. So today we're not talking about how to set boundaries, we're talking about why this one boundary matters, why you haven't crossed that line yet, and is it really asking of you. So let's address this boundary that you already know that you need. So before we go any further, I want you to just pause for a second. I want you just to take a moment and take a breath and let yourself think about a situation you think about your life, think about your relationships, think about work, what relationship or dynamic. That immediately comes to mind when I tell you there's a boundary you're not setting. Is it a client who takes more than they're willing to give? Right? Is it something around your business? Is it family member? Is it a family member who expects unlimited access to your time and emotional energy, and you're having a hard time setting that boundary? Is it, a work pattern where you're always the one who holds everything together or a role that you've outgrown, but keep performing out of habit? I want you to take a breath and open yourself up to receiving the information because it is there. Notice what just shows up without effort. What just kind of comes to mind? Because if a name, a situation or a scenario immediately pops into your body, your mind, your energy field, right? That's the one. You don't need to analyze it. You don't need to justify it. Your awareness is already doing the work. So let's start there. Getting aware, So why haven't you set the boundary yet? Not because you don't know how. Not because you're weak or afraid of conflict, I don't wanna tell that story to you. I don't want you to tell that story to yourself. But because boundaries don't just change dynamics, they really actually change your identity. Okay? I want you to stick with me here for a second. I want you to hear this. Sometimes we're asking something that feels too big of ourselves. Of ourselves, right? Like we feel like we have a strong identity. Especially us empaths, spiritual entrepreneurs, my sensitive people that are listening, self abandonment. We know for many of you was a, a survival strategy, but your identity may have been wrapped into being accommodating. Um, your identity might have really, truly been, and, and baked into being the one who's always understanding that that's an important, almost like it becomes what we think is a value that we hold. Okay. That your identity becomes being emotionally available to everybody. Easy to work with. Easy was one of my big identity shifts. Like I had a massive, massive attachment to making sure that I was easy for other people. Easy to work with, easy to be friends with. Easy, easy, easy, right? And so that just leads you with a mountain of needs never met, and so one day that top pops off and you know, all those needs come out. But endlessly compassionate can be another one for many of you listening, like you might feel like it's part of your identity to just truly be endlessly compassionate in such a way that your own feelings and thoughts and, and all of that becomes secondary. This has kept you safe. It's kept you connected, it's kept you needed, and sometimes probably loved. So of course, part of you hesitates because this boundary that I'm asking you to stand in might mean being misunderstood. Many of us hate that. I mean, hate it. Disappointing people maybe who benefited from your overgiving risking income maybe, right? There's a, you know, if I start setting this boundary with this client or whatever, you know, like I might risk losing income approval or belonging, letting go of the version of you who was the safe place for everybody. Of course, you wanna be a safe place. But to whom you are now realizing you must be a safe place to yourself. Otherwise, you're, you are working off of a false pretense, right? Like you can't not be a safe place to yourself first, because then you're really just self abandoning. You're not this sturdy ground for everybody. It, it's shaky ground. And so it's really important that we look at. How you might have identity attachments to these things, and sometimes we can even spiritualize the delay of like this boundary setting, right? We can alize it by saying, we tell ourselves we're being compassionate. Right. Um, I'm being, I just felt so much compassion and it doesn't mean that you don't, you have a big heart and it's probably very likely that you have felt boatloads of compassion for people in the situation in which you choose not to set the boundary with. Right? We tell ourselves we're choosing grace, or we tell ourselves we're holding space for that person, that we're creating space around it. We'll see what happens. When really, we're really just afraid of what happens when we stop holding everything, but there is a hidden cost to this, right? As you know, here's the part we don't talk about enough that every boundary you don't set has a cost. It shows up as quiet resentment. You don't want to admit. Okay, you. It is definitely like burnout disguised as, I don't know what's wrong with me. I've lost my motivation. I just can't, I can't like get myself to do the things or be excited about anything. That's just burnout for some of us, and creativity that feels blocked or muted, like it just can't even have this creative process get ignited within you. You know, your intuition feels harder to access. And the subtle feeling of being out of integrity with yourself because you truly are out of integrity with yourself right now because you have this thing that's been nudging you and you're not listening to it. So it sort of gets you out of integrity with yourself. And you might even notice that the work you once loved feels heavier now, or that certain relationships feel obligatory instead of nourishing. And we blame the other person, right? We blame the other person because. You know, we are feeling like, why are they putting me out like this? Why do I feel have to be so uncomfortable with this? But the reality is it's really our own doing typically. I mean, obviously there's considerations when people are trying to take advantage of us. That's a whole other story, but I'm talking about the boundary that you need to set. You are ignoring and you start feeling resentful and you start feeling like this is becoming obligatory versus, good or positive. And there's has everything to do with the fact that you fear is getting in the way, if we look at this next year that we're coming into, that we want you to stand in your glory and your power and your genius and move forward, then that is gonna require you. To have this season, these habits, these things that have been keeping you safe, start to shift, and we need the resources and capacity for that and the safety for that. But what we don't realize and what we cannot rely on our unconscious to recognize is that boundary setting, the very work that you need to do, the very action I'm asking you to take today is exactly what your system needs to know. In order to feel safe. You need to. Work that out and see that you're okay afterwards. You need to feel like you've got somebody on your side creating space for you, someone on your side stepping up and having a voice for you, and that person has to be you. No amount of pushing, bypassing, or explaining will make it feel any better. If you're overexplaining it because you're trying to not say the thing and you're saying 500 words instead of seven. You know what I mean? Right. Then you recognize that you are trying to bypass it and you're overexplaining it, and that is never going to work. So let's talk about the energetic shift I'm asking from you. Okay. And that is the shift from explaining to embodying. So here's the reframe that changes everything. This is the reframe right here. Your boundaries don't require convincing. They don't work because other people understand them. They work because you honor them. Clarity creates safety and justification is not what creates safety. Clarity does. So let me say that to you again because I think this is like ting, like this is the moment. This is it right here. Boundaries don't require convincing. They don't work because other people understand you so well. They work because you honor them, you understand them, you are the clarity. And so when you move from explaining your boundary to embodying it, your energy shifts how you hold yourself. When you're talking about it changes. You stop asking for permission to take up space. You stop negotiating your own needs and outsourcing yourself. Trust, right? We can't look to other people to make us feel better. And yes. Of course some people are not going to like this, but the ones who only felt safe when you abandoned yourself or only liked it when you abandoned yourself, were never aligned to be with you, with where you're going and who you're becoming. They were never meant for the next season. They weren't meant for long-term relationship, okay? They were meant to be there when they were there for all the reasons that they are in your life. But it is and will be time for them to change. Right? You'll be changing guards there because it, it is only possible for you to really grow and expand yourself through having boundaries. And so this is a gentle invitation into action., I want to. Leave you with a few questions so that you can ask yourself, and you don't have to answer these right away. You can just sit with them today and then you can come back over them again and I'll write them in the show notes. But honestly, I want you to ask yourself, what would you change if you trusted that honoring yourself is the most important choice you can make? What is literally going to happen? How will it feel and look different? Right? How will this impact your purpose if you were to suddenly make yourself honoring yourself, the most important choice you can make all day, and that everything else you trust is going to follow suit, everything else is going to work out. How would this. Look in your life, how would it look different? Because I'll tell you, my guess is when you really sit with this and start to think about. I'm doing this and keeping in mind this one boundary that you're avoiding setting, and there's probably many, but I know there is one for many of us that comes to mind that is not happening right now and it's been in your brain. It's something you should do. I have to, I should you go back and forth. I want you to ask, what are you afraid will fall apart if you set this boundary? Or what are you afraid will fall apart if you stop over functioning right? Or fill in the blank. And who are you becoming on the other side of being somebody who just sets this boundary? Who are you becoming on the other side of this boundary? That's your why, because you you don't necessarily need me to tell you what to say. You don't necessarily need a script, although I do offer them. I have scripts like this inside my, course and my programs, but honestly, I think right now you can probably figure that out. I think what you really need. You know is not to explain it better, and you don't need to wait for the right moment. You need to hold space and compassion for the version of you who survived without this boundary, and thank her for what she did, what she needed to do, but you just need to do it. I know it's scary, but it's just time for you to just do it and trust the chips are gonna fall and you're gonna likely be surprised. That it was probably way better than you thought, and then if it's not, you have to also trust that everything is lining up in your best interest. Because this year that's coming, it's not really asking you to be nicer. Nobody is really asking you to be nicer. And this the energy right now and you are becoming and, and everything is happening in your life isn't saying, Hey, let's be nicer this year. I don't think that's of what you're thinking. And if you are, okay, well, I think we could talk about that. But it isn't asking you to be more patient necessarily either. Maybe you're asking yourself to be more understanding, but I think this year and where you're at right now, the threshold you're standing in, I think it's asking you to be honest with yourself. And I think that honesty is the beginning of everything changing, and that is. That it is time for you to become as important, if not more important than everybody else in your life, so that you can be the loving, wonderful, caring person that you are and kind, but also. Somebody who holds their integrity, stands in their power, says what they mean, rejects things that hurt them or are make them unwell. Right? And as somebody who can step into your business, your life, your relationships in such a way that so powerful that it magnifies and it creates more and more of the things that you want. Because at the end of the day, that's what this is all about, right? Is you, you becoming in this process. We're always on the edge of our becoming. We're always on the edge of it, but I think right now we are shifting into a new energy and it's asking you to be honest. It's asking you to look at a. Really stepping into the action phase, and I think the first step before you know, you wanna, maybe you've got a list of things you wanna do in your business. Maybe you've got a list of things you wanna do in your family life, right? Maybe you've got all these things you wanna do and accomplish. I'm truly inviting you to recognize that in order to accomplish the big things on your list, if you don't have boundaries on there and you don't have taken care of the first one, right, that first step, then I'm telling you, you're not gonna have the ground to stand on. To be able to truly follow through. You're gonna get frustrated and and annoyed, and you're gonna collect bad stories that you tell yourself about your abilities to move forward and to create change and blah, blah, blah. Because you need the foundation, the relationship with yourself that says, I matter and I matter as much as everybody. And. You connect with the value of that in your relationships, the value that that is in your business, the value that is in your life in general, even when people disagree with it. So that my friend is what I'm suggesting. I want you to take a moment and really go back into those questions. I'll put them in the show note. I just want you to ask yourself, what would change if you could really step into this? If you could really make. The important change of setting this boundary, what is literally gonna happen? How will it feel and look different? If you start doing this more often, what are you afraid will fall apart if you stop doing filling in the blank, right? Like over-functioning, overgiving, whatever this boundary is that's happening, that's asking of you. What will fall apart? Name it and recognize that that's also a story. You know, especially where other people are involved, we don't get to decide how other people show up. We don't control it either, and it doesn't become about getting them to show up how we want them to. We can't do that. That's not outta our control. What we can do is show up and be accountable to ourselves. We check each box. Am I being kind? Am I, am I being true, truthful and honest? Authentic? Those are really big questions for you to ask because if you check all those boxes, then you're good. That's it. That you're good, you're not expected to, jump hoops and, and change how other people think and feel like we just, that's just none of our business. We just don't have that power, and that's why I want you to. Just ask yourself the question, what am I afraid of and what's gonna happen? Who am I gonna become? What's excites you about that? Who are you on the other side of setting these boundaries more efficiently? I'm really excited for you to step in and start to create the foundation so that you can hit the ground running in whatever your goals are. I'm really excited for this shift that is likely about to happen, and I hope that this was helpful to just get this little nudge, this little reminder of this one boundary. This one thing that you're avoiding is your. Next step, it's gonna catapult you. You're gonna do it and feel better, and then you're gonna do it again. And then you can do it again. But you gotta, you gotta take the leap. You gotta, you gotta cross over, you gotta, you gotta take the action step and trust that clarity comes after action. So as soon as you take that action step, you'll understand what you need to do next and it'll start unfolding and it's beautiful. You're. Truly on the other side of this greatness, I want you to envision, this. Identity shift that you're having and really own it and claim it and allow yourself to feel it, you might need to change how you talk to yourself about it. You might need to say to yourself, this is who I am now is what I do, and I love doing this. This feels so good. It's gonna feel amazing. Right? Talk yourself into recognizing. There is gonna be a time when this does feel really good. It's gonna be really easy. Right now it's just full of stories, it's full of holes, it's got all these problems, right? It's all this stuff that we've attached to it. But you moving forward in this is the first step in the direction of. Your greatness. So there you go, my friend. I hope this was helpful. I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week. We have New Year's coming up and, I'm just so excited to keep delivering to you. Just anything I can to inspire you and to creating and stepping into your beautiful. Life, your beautiful genius zone. All the abundance that you can have. And I'm wishing that for you and sending you lots of love. I'm so appreciative of you and appreciate of you listening Have a wonderful week. I will talk to you next week. Bye for now.