When To Share Your Goals: Protecting Your Energy vs. Inviting Support

You’ve probably seen the advice floating around lately: “Crush your goals in silence. Tell no one. Let the results speak.”  It's been a thing.
And while that approach can be powerful… it’s not the whole story.

In this episode, we explore when keeping your goals private actually protects your energy,  and when sharing your goals out loud or bringing them into community can help them grow.

This conversation is especially for empaths, sensitive achievers, and spiritually minded women who feel deeply influenced by other people’s opinions, expectations, and emotional responses.

Rather than offering one-size-fits-all advice, this episode invites you into discernment, self-trust, and nervous-system-aware goal setting, so you can decide what your goals need in this season.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why “move in silence” isn’t always the most aligned strategy
• When keeping your goals private creates focus, safety, and clarity
• When sharing your goals supports accountability, confidence, and growth
• The difference between sharing for support vs. sharing for validation
• How empathy and nervous system sensitivity impact goal-setting
• The key questions to ask before you decide to share (or not share) a goal

Key Takeaways

• Privacy isn’t hiding — it’s sometimes energetic containment
• Sharing doesn’t have to be public to be powerful
• Different goals require different kinds of support
• Self-trust matters more than strategy
• Discernment is a skill you can learn and strengthen

Transcript

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Hi, welcome back to the show. Today we're talking about when do you share your goals with other people and when are you supposed to like keep it on the down low? When are you supposed to be quiet about it? The other day I was scrolling through social media, um, I think it was Instagram. And while I was scrolling and I was looking at some things, I noticed once again for like the millionth time, this viral campaign that is, that different people are using this viral approach to selling something that probably asks you to crush some sort of a goal. And I think you're gonna recognize it. It goes a little something like this. Crush your goal in private. Tell no one in one week, you'll be here. In three weeks you'll be there and in six weeks you'll be a completely new person. Then you can let them see that those words. Okay. It goes a little something like this. Crush your goal in private. Disappear tell no one in one week, you'll be here. In three weeks you'll be here. They give you another measurement, and in six weeks you'll be like a completely new person. Then let them see, and I get they probably got a good response from this, and so now lots of people are doing it and they're saying these exact words, I also get why this message is so appealing. There's something really empowering about putting your head down, protecting your energy, not letting any outside opinions mess with your focus. But it also got me thinking, okay, like is staying silent always the most aligned move to make? Is that what we should be doing? And on the flip side is sharing our goals. Always about accountability and support. Is that better? Because sometimes it is about reassurance and validation. So today I wanna talk to you about when it's supportive for you to keep your goals private. And when saying them out loud and singing them from the rooftops, or maybe just telling somebody or bringing them into a community actually helps them grow. Because this isn't about rules, it's about discernment. So let's frame this. So especially if you are a, an empath, a sensitive achiever, somebody, uh, my, you know, my listeners tend to be, intuitive. They're sensitive, they feel and experience things deeply. So this question, I think, matters a lot to you because other people's reactions don't always just stay in the room if to catch my drift. They tend to live in our nervous system. They influence our confidence. They can either stabilize your commitment or quietly erod it. Because we're sensitive, we take in a lot of energy. We take in the words, we are always searching for meaning, right? And so instead of asking should I tell people about my goals or not, I want you to ask a better question. What does this goal need from me right now? So let's start here. Sometimes keeping your goals private can be powerful, but it can also have like a bad rap, right? So keeping a goal to yourself doesn't necessarily mean you're hiding. That might be the bad rap or, or that you have fear around telling people or that you are trying to play small, those words, right? That doesn't necessarily mean that sometimes privacy is energetic containment. Right. So here are a few signs that keeping your goals quiet might be the most aligned choice for you. So if you're still forming the identity behind the goal, I talk a lot about the importance of identity and goal setting. We have to wrap our whole being around who we're becoming. It needs to be anchored in some, somewhere in our identity, because if it's not, then we self-sabotage. It's just something I've seen over and over again. So if you're still forming this identity and you haven't quite anchored it in, you really don't know if you believe this about yourself. You're having a hard time with it. It's gonna feel like it's. More vulnerable to share. And if you're not fully resourced yet, so emotionally, energetically, or practically, right? If you're not fully resourced to go set this goal on fire, then you might wanna just take a breath and keep it to yourself for a minute because you are letting in other people's perceptions and and opinions, And also if you notice that once others know you might start performing instead of listening to yourself. That's another big one, right? Like whether or not this is gonna change how you show up. On some level you'll hear get out there and tell people so that the expectations on you and you have extra pressure on you to get it done, and that's gonna support you in getting your goal done. I totally understand that. Sometimes it actually is the opposite. Sometimes it makes us fold. Having everybody else's opinions and expectations on us isn't, doesn't feel good. And if you start trying to perform, instead of being in this intuitive place with it where you're listening, this is still in alignment. You're the goal is unfolding. Sometimes our goals that we set out with, like I definitely have set out with a goal. And you know, a month into this goal, it's completely taking you new direction. But that's because I'm listening and I'm checking in and I'm feeling it out, and I'm seeing what other ideas pop into my head as I'm starting this goal. And so we wanna allow for that creative space, right? And so also, if you're highly sensitive to doubt, to feedback, and even to too much encouragement. So I wanna frame this for you guys, because not all of us realize when you start encouraging somebody fiercely, it starts to feel like an expectation. You know, this is kind of not the same thing, but it is the same thing when you notice a woman's body. And you say, oh my God, I know your goal was to lose weight and you look amazing and you're doing such an incredible job. Oh my God. I'm cheering you on for the next 10. You are setting yourself up. For two things. One, you're setting yourself up, like as somebody who's gonna, um, be disappointed in them, right? And that internal pressure. And you also setting yourself up for the role of judge and jury. I don't actually. I actually don't comment. I don't really go up to even friends of mine. If they lose a lot of weight, I usually don't say, Hey, you lost a lot of weight. Oh my gosh, you look amazing. I don't do that. I don't comment on other women's bodies because who cares, right? Like that is between them and them. And honestly, when I do that, I know that. Next time she sees me, she's gonna be thinking, you know, oh, you know, is she gonna notice the weight that I gained back? Or, you know, is she gonna notice my new weight loss? Or it just puts me, puts us in the place of judge and jury. And so I just love to hone in on the. Incredible, beautiful gifts that my friends have that aren't necessarily about how you know, what their weight is or how, you know their size is and things like that. So anyways, it's just a little thing to think about. When you actually do put yourself out there and receive a ton of encouragement, it can actually feel like people are out there judging you, right? So the goal feels kind of tender. And if that happens, and it feels like this, goal that you have is sort of feeling vulnerable, it feels like this thing that you're doing, it feels very vulnerable in some ways. And your inclination is to not tell people, but then people, you read somewhere, put this in front of everybody. That's the best thing you can do. Don't play small, don't hide. Own it. If everything inside of you is saying, um, this, I'm not ready to own it, right? You're not ready to own it. You're maybe you're feeling like you know insecure about it and you need. Stable ground to stand on before you put it out there, then that is a okay. And forcing visibility too early can actually disconnect you from your intuition, but also your goal. It can start to feel like it becomes too big and then you just kind of start avoiding it. And so I'm sure somebody out there. It relates to that, right? So when sharing your goal is more aligned, let's talk about that. So let's talk about the other side of things, because staying silent isn't always empowerment. Sometimes it's isolation. And this really important for you to gauge, am I isolating here? Sharing your goal can be incredibly supportive when it's done from clarity. Not necessarily hesitation or impulsivity like you're, you're clear and or maybe even want help on clarity and that you find it helpful to process out loud like I do. I'm an external processor. So I love to process everything out, but sharing might be most aligned when you are clear on what you want and you're not looking for permission. And I am gonna highlight this one because this is so big for us. So if you're listening to this, I want you to ask yourself, do I share my goals? Because I want permission. Um, if there's a big thing that I wanna do, but I need someone to tell me you're good enough to do it or that it's a good idea. And I'm not saying that's a horrible thing. I mean, we all probably do it on some level, but I do believe it requires some self-awareness. So we're not doing that shit on autopilot and we're not getting lost in it or reactive to it. Now, if you benefit from accountability or, or just some sort of structure, even if it's just like a gentle structure, I want you to, check that box if you're thinking about. Is it gonna be most supportive for me to share this with people? Because accountability is huge. I mean, it depends on what your goal is, but if accountability, you know is gonna get you to move the needle, then by all means find somebody safe to be accountable to somebody that you feel is a safe person. They are not going to impart all their. Stuff onto you, right? Like they have some boundaries, they have a healthy sense about them and you know they are gonna provide you with some space to process what gets in the way. Maybe even like, maybe you can share that, like what did worked and what did work. If you have an accountability partner and you are afraid to tell them that you didn't, that you didn't follow up, like you had a bad day and it didn't happen, kind of thing, then you have to decide, is that your stuff or are you. Joining with somebody who feels unsafe. And that's a really an important thing for you because even having a good friend or somebody that feels really safe and you go and tell them that you didn't do it, and they say, you gotta do it tomorrow. Come on, get back on. Like, that's fine. But you wanna know the difference between somebody feeling safe and somebody making you feel insecure, making you. You know, want to lie and say you did it when you didn't. Right. If it doesn't feel like you're loved and accepted regardless, then they're just not the person you now, if right now you are in a season of working on visibility. Instead of working around it, right? If you happen to be, maybe you're an entrepreneur or in business or in your life, in your relationships, maybe in your, even in your most intimate relationships, maybe you're like, I really need to allow people to know me more. I need to be more visible out there. I want to suggest that you likely have a history if that's a conversation you had with yourself. You have a history of hiding. You have a history of potentially being very uncomfortable in the spotlight, and you have the history of receiving wound, maybe, right? Like receiving that attention. Receiving the support is uncomfortable. Then you wanna make sure. What's going on? Bring self-awareness to it, because if you're meant to grow through visibility, then you do need to find some safe people to share with. Again, it's the safe people part, right? If you need relational safety to move through fear. If you're feeling like this is scary,, and, and kudos to you if you are choosing a goal that feels scary. That's so exciting. I. Just love that for you. And I'm so excited that you are putting yourself, you're, you're stretching beyond the limit of where you've been and you're stepping into something new. And I, that's beautiful. And sometimes we do need some relational safety to move through it. Somebody that's like, oh my gosh, I. Get it, and you're just, they're with you in it a little bit, right? Like you're known in it, you're being known, but you're also being held like, it's okay. I love you either way, but you should do it right? Like they're there to support you. They believe in you, but it's healthy attachments around it, right? They're not attached to the outcome. They're not gonna be mad at you if you don't do it right? There's not any weird dynamics there. Now, let's say you already feel anchored in the goal. You really want just to have that, experience, not approval, but the experience of sharing it and saying it and owning it. Please by all means, share your message. Don't listen to that viral message going across social media. You don't need to hide. Tell people about it. But Here's something important. Sharing doesn't have to mean posting it on the internet. I mean, one trusted friend, a mentor, a small community. I mean, people change happens in communities. That's why there's so much group coaching programs and things that have you connected to other women or other people while you're doing the work, because there's such powerful movement in that. It's a thing, right? It's important. It's been around forever because it is one of the best ways of moving through something is not alone. Now the key isn't how many people know. It's why you're telling them. So just checking in with your motivations. Why am I sharing this? Who am I sharing it with and what does it mean for me to be sharing it, and how does it feel in my body to be sharing it? So before you decide to keep something private or say it out loud, I want you to pause and I want you to ask yourself a few honest questions. One, am I sharing this to feel supported or to feel safe for my own self-doubt? That is an important differentiation. And only you can answer that, and I want you to sit with that and really hold the energy of that. Can it be both? Of course it can. It's your life, you get to choose. But I do again, believe in the importance of our self-awareness, our personal responsibility to our work. And so it's important for you to know, am I sharing this? To feel safe for my own stuff, my own shit that's gonna, that's killing me, right? And because as soon as we hand over the power to other people's opinions, it's out of our hands, right? As soon as you hand over that power to someone else to say whether or not this is something you should do, then. You've lost a lot around your internal process, your power. You know, being able to hold the power, being able to stay connected to the goal, because as soon as you outsource it and you've lost your power, the leak has happened. So every time you look at this thing, it's like, oh, I don't know. You know, you really need to heal the, I don't know what to, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That indecision that wishy-washy, like I, I'm not willing to stop, slow down and get the answer myself. And it's really important that we learn to do that. Okay, now another question to ask is, am I staying quiet to protect my energy or to avoid being seen? Some of us really need to lean into that question. Because if you're staying quiet to protect your energy, because you know that talking about it is going to just derail you, kudos that do it. That's awesome. But if you're like, oh, it just makes me so anxious for people to see me and to, to know what I'm doing or to right know me in that way, or whatever that is, then you are doing a disservice to your relationships. Okay, because it takes you, you need equivalency in friendship. You need to hold your end up of the bargain, right? Where we are both gonna be seen, we are both gonna hold space and we are both gonna stay connected in that way. And when you are avoiding letting people know you, then you're not holding up your end into the bargain. And it's not, it doesn't allow the self, that person to have the joy and the important. Gifts that come with being there for you. And so it's really a disservice. And the third question I want you to ask yourself is, do I want accountability or reassurance? So if it's like, I really want accountability and I, it's not, I'm not looking for reassurance, then go for it. If you're like, I'm not looking for reassurance and I don't wanna accountability, then you also have your answer there. That's okay. But it's just a good thing to check in on. Because if somebody misunderstood what you're doing or didn't cheer you on, would you still move forward or is that going to sabotage you? You know, as much as I've been working on this stuff, I had it happen recently where I was sharing my plans with somebody and they said, wait a minute. Why are you doing that? And they thought that I should really make changes to what I was doing to support me, right, to support my bigger goals, to support where I'm going, what I wanna do. And while that was. Helpful to, you know, think about it in different ways. It also allowed me to start second guessing myself and I, I let that go for a few days. I let that go on too long, really because I started questioning, like I kept going back and forth. I couldn't make a decision on it because the inkling to do it kept coming up for me. But then someone's advice not to do it kept squashing it. That inkling was probably has been, you know, intuition, but then somebody's opinion that I got it, it, I keep going. It made me indecisive where I probably would never have been indecisive. I would've been like, yep, this is what I gotta do. I gotta do it. But because I took on that opinion and I held it and I let it in, it now created this constant dynamic that every time I got the zing, I was like, well, right. But, so it wasn't me being in. My own internal knowing. It was me creating a little bit of chaos by bringing in someone else's opinion, which was all well-meaning and awesome, but I just share that with you because you know there's no wrong answer here, but there is a more self-honoring one. So you are just making sure that whatever you're doing, it honors you, you are self-honoring, and that you are staying in alignment with what feels right for you. And this is why advice, like, always move in silence or always share your goals, don't actually work because different nervous systems need different things. Different humans are in different phases of life and different needs need to be met. Sometimes, you know, there is a. Deep need to be seen and connected in a group. And sometimes, um, telling other people is the most important thing you need to do, and sometimes it's not. Some people stabilize through privacy and some people stabilize through connection. And, you know, this comes up a lot. This is, I, I feel like I'm maybe going on a little bit of a tangent here, but this comes up a lot when people are single and they are like, you know, I'm doing the work and I'm staying single. I don't wanna be in another relationship. I'm so burnt out, I don't wanna meet anybody new. And so they're wanna stay in the lane private life where they're just being in their own zone. And without sharing, and without kind of getting into that someone else's energy that way. And I will often say to people, there are things you absolutely must learn on your own. You cannot learn them in connection with other people. They have to be learned alone. And then there are things you absolutely have to learn in connection with other people that cannot be learned by yourself. And so go on either direction until it feels right, and then either be alone or let somebody in when those lessons need to be. Met. Sometimes we need to tell, tell people so that, you know, like myself, I had to have that reminder. I'm like, oh my God, look it, I'm taking somebody else's opinion. And it's, I didn't even realize it, but it kept bringing me back into indecision and I needed to do that because it was really helpful because it brought up in me, again, an awareness. Oh my gosh, I'm still, I'm, I'm doing that. And that's really important for me to see. It helps me learn. And the more you heal your relationship with yourself, by the way, right. By the way, the more you heal your relationship with yourself, the easier it becomes to know which one you need in any given season. Right? How we heal our relationship with ourself is how we go out in the world and are with other people. And so we will have a much stronger knowing, a clear, decisive understanding when you are doing the work on yourself and healing that relationship with yourself. So in closing. Here's what I want you to take with you. You don't necessarily need to follow a strategy, although strategies are also fantastic sometimes, but I'm just saying it doesn't have to be black or white. You don't need to follow a strategy that tells you to do this and not that. You need to get into the practice of following yourself. Trust some goals, need silence. Some goals, need witnesses, and some need both at different stages, right? And learning when to move quietly and when to move out loud. And to shout it from the rooftops. Maybe that's not just about goals, right? It's not about the thing you're doing. That's about becoming deeply resourced in yourself. It's about who you're becoming, right? And that's a skill that supports every part of your life. You just need to listen closely to what this season is asking of you and respond with honesty and self-trust. That's where real momentum comes from. As soon as I said to myself, oh my God, literally the person was popping into my head in the indecision, but I still hadn't called myself on it. I hadn't even realized that. Like I kept bringing this other person's opinion in and I was like, what is happening here? And then I realized that. Oh, oh my gosh. Somehow I am clinging. I attached to that opinion and I had to realize that I was attaching something in there that was causing me to be destabilized in my process, and that wasn't on them at all. That was completely me, but I needed to learn that, right? I needed to take. Inventory of that, that's where our momentum comes from. Because now that took inventory, I'm like, oh yeah, and now I can move forward. And that's when we can really start making stuff happen. So thank you for listening. I hope this was helpful, and I will talk to you next week. Bye for now.