EP 49: Single, Unemployed, and Going Back to School with Jaya

Not where we thought we'd be in our late 20's but maybe this is exactly where we should be. Single, unemployed, going back to school, and trust that God's timing is better than ours ever could be. Get cozy and tune in for this week's episode, it's a GREAT one:)

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Reagan had told me, she was like, I had a breakthrough. I know exactly what I'm about to do, and I think I'm gonna go finish my degree. I'm not where I thought I'd be, I'm not where I want to be, and I'm I don't like where I am. The correlation to like a resume and a hinge profile. Starting over is so humbling and so like a punch in the gut. Constantly asking God for not only direction and guidance, but just for peace over the whole thing. And I think he provided peace when I made the decisions because you don't want to stay in a place that you are feeling like you're always crashing out. Hey y'all, welcome back to another episode of Cozy Up with Reagan and Friends. I'm Reagan and I'm Jaya. I hope y'all are doing fabulous, fantastic, because we are doing, I feel like we're doing pretty good. I think we're good, right? I we'll speak for myself, but I think we both kind of had a breakthrough this week. We sure did. Would you like to tell the viewers what what happened? So this week, Regan had told me that she was like, I had a breakthrough, I know exactly what I'm about to do, and I think I'm gonna go finish my degree. And I was like, holy biscuits, like I am so proud of you. That takes a lot of commitment and it and it takes like a lot to be like, okay, I want to like dive fully in back into school. You know, back into school after taking years off. And I was like, you know what? And you've always kind of pushed me to be like, do you want to go back to school and finish your degree? Do you want to like, you know? And I was like, no, no, no. I've always been not You've always said like, well, yeah, but like we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Like, yeah, maybe, but and then like literally crickets. No, crickets, so just like if you know me, you know, I just dislike school. It makes me. I mean, I don't think anybody likes school. Yeah, I know. But you know what? I said, you know, I'm gonna bite the bullet, and I think if you're gonna do it, I'm gonna do it. We're gonna do it together, and we're gonna hold each other accountable, and we're gonna go through this whole process together. We're gonna go to school around the same amount of time as well. So I was like, this is the perfect opportunity for me to just jump back in as well. So we have both made the decision and we're locked in now. It's the digital footprint. Yeah, digital footprint. We're locked in, and yeah, we're going back to school. Back to school. Um, which is horrifying and horrific, but also like so exciting, and it feels so right. For like the first time in a while, I just like I felt I've been feeling a little lost in the sauce, if I might say so. I don't want to feel that. Yeah. Just like not in the career I want, not financially where I want, not like academically where I want, you know. Like I know like you and I both have so much potential to offer, and we have so many great ideas and so much like pizzazz that this world needs to see. Yeah. And much we have we have way more in us and to us than like our current career absolutely that we've been on. And do you like ever feel like you're like going through your life, like especially as of the last couple years, and there's just like something in the back of your mind saying, like, I should be doing something. I should be doing something. And we never knew like what that something was. It was like, I feel like I need to be doing something, like you know. Well, it's like I just like I said, like we have a lot of grit in us and we have a lot of funky ideas and a lot of we have a wide variety of knowledge and interests, but it's like it's hard to channel that into something, and it's also impossible to channel that into anything when nobody will hire us based off the fact that like we didn't have the degree they wanted, you know? And it's like the end of the day, like if that's what's stopping us from living like a fulfilling life, then I fear like what like we have to do something to have it. Yeah, it's like it's not like I mean, I wouldn't say I hit a rock bottom because rock bottom's like a very like aggressive point. But like I definitely just have had so many like realizations and so many moments of just like kind of panic where it's just like I'm not where I thought I'd be, I'm not where I want to be, and I'm I don't like where I am. Absolutely. And I think it's also just like this time of our life is a very humbling experience as well. You know, I feel like I'm being humbled beyond belief because I thought I was gonna have it all figured out by now. I'm gonna be 28 this year, and I am like so beyond lost in the sauce. And you know, 28 seems old, but it's still baby. Like I'm still young. Like I'm still young, and like if I'm not gonna do it right now, I don't know if I ever will, and I need to just do it. I need to like make what I make my life what I want it to be, and it needs to start right now. Yeah because I have the drive, I have the motivation, and like I have you who's also gonna like you push me beyond like what I think of myself. Things change, you know. So it's like we're gonna and we're gonna do it together, you know? Completely different, like um, you know, studies and stuff like that, but like the fact that I know you're going to school, I'm going to school, we're gonna be on the same grind, like it's gonna, it's gonna. And I think to like go back to when you said like we are babies and you're about to be 28, I'm about to be 26, like we're babies, but also I feel like we've used that as an excuse in the past. It's it's definitely a like a motivating or comforting thought that like we have time, but also we've used it as an excuse to be like, well, we have time to figure it out. We have time to figure it out. And in that retrospect or in that aspect or that POV, it's like that has kind of shot us in the foot a bit because we just keep pushing it off, pushing it off. And then in that aspect, we're not babies, like we're not getting any younger, and we're not getting any closer to the lifestyle that we want to have. And time has been a thief. Like I have truly like when I said I was gonna go back to school, I thought it was gonna take like a gap year. Like I thought it was just gonna be like a year or two, and I would get back in. And now I'm like, and now I'm like five years after being out of school, and I'm like, okay, where did that five years go? Yeah, exactly. You know, so a lot's happened. Oh so much has happened. And our frontal lobes are developed, and we realize you know, it's time to get it going. Why the heck has the time gone? And why are we still exactly kind of where we were three or four years ago? Yeah. I'm doing the same job. I haven't gotten any smarter, I haven't done anything harder. No, the only thing that's changed is our frontal lobe, truly. Yeah. And now that's now that's why we're here. Now that's why we're sitting here telling you guys that we're getting our poop in a group and it's finally time. Yeah. Because when I think about like where I thought I'd be. Yeah. I I think everyone had the thought, and we've talked about it before, like, thought I'd, if not married, at least in a relationship. At least bare minimum. Um, I thought I would be a little bit more financially free. I'm not totally unhappy. I feel like that's always kind of a work in progress. Like you're always making improvements, and like in the future, you know, you can invest and you can do all this. But it's like I'm far from financially free. You know, and when I think about a partnership of like when we go back to like marriage and dating, it's like I don't want to be a burden to anybody. So I need to hold my weight, or what's the saying? Like, I need to carry my weight or I need to carry your own. Yeah. Um, and I think just like in the aspect of being in my mid to upper 20s, there's like I I'm living a life of like an 18 to 20 year old, realistically. Like we're bartending and we're going to concerts and we're eating out on a Wednesday afternoon. Like it sounds really horrible, but I like I like to be like blunt and honest about where we are because it's like I'm not happy with it. And I'm trying to better myself I know you are too. Hold ourselves accountable. I'm sorry, I just went on a rant there. No, that's like perfect. Yeah. And it's like back to like the marriage and dating is that like I want to be the best version of myself because when I'm looking for a partner, I want them to also be in the the best version of themselves as well. Because not to make this episode about dating, but like really briefly, it's like, yeah, I'm looking for people who have the career, who have the stability, who have the adult mature mindset. And I think like I think so a hypocrite. It does. And it's like I'm not where I'm at like voluntarily necessarily, like yes and no, but it's like we are trying. And we are like, like the amount of prayers I have said for clarity and direction and guidance and an answer. It's like I'm trying, and the amount of applications I've probably put in applications from like the start of Arizona to now, I've probably at least put in a hundred. At least. And I've had two jobs, two successful jobs. Neither are we in the field that I want to be in. No. You know, so it's like we're trying. I'm updating my resume constantly. I'm networking at work and I'm reaching out to the networks that I've or like the connections that I've made. And like nothing sticks, nothing works. And it's like so disheartening because it's like I want, like you said, we want to be the best version of we can be because we do want to be in a relationship and we want to carry our weight and we want to be that person that the guy is thinking of. Like a man pictures his wife as well, just like we picture our husband, and it's like, I want to be able to be that woman for the man that I find. And it just like sucks like the correlation to like a resume and a hinge profile. Okay. It's like everybody is like an employer is looking at a piece of paper. They don't know our personality, they don't know our work as it. They don't know our drive. They don't know any of that. And then as to like a man or like a future partner, they're looking at a slideshow of all of our favorite photos and reprompts. Yeah. You know, it's like three little hee hee ha ha. So you got to put, you have to make these changes, go back to school, do all the things because you need to be able to be apart from the others. You need to like show that like special thing. You need to stand out more. That was like a crazy correlation that puts it in my head. Because it's like true. When you do think about dating, you're putting your best foot forward, you're doing the most. You're trying to like outperform the others. Yeah. You know. And the first couple dates are like an interview. You know, you're showing them like your best side and your best whatever. But yeah, it's just, it's crazy. And like to wrap up that idea is just like, I'm just not where we where I thought we would be. Yeah. No. And what like being in like our upper 20s, it's like we're going back to student loans, we're going back to like budgeting and we're probably have to say no to things, which we haven't had to say no in a while. Which is like very hard for us to say no. Because like we are the type that are like, we'll make it work. You know, I'm all about experienced junkie. I'm such an experienced junkie. I want to do everything and experience everything, especially like money will come back, but this time will not. Like, yeah. And it's just like I can't do that anymore. No, we've had enough experience. And it's not like we're gonna stop. No, we still have plenty to look forward to. We have so many just in the rest of this year to carry us through. No, for we're gonna do our school, we're gonna lock in, we're gonna hunker down, and we still have multiple trips, multiple concerts, like weddings and excursions. Like, we have a lot. We do have a lot, and it's like, God forbid, we have to say no to a local band on a Friday night, performing in downtown Gilbert. It's like, God forbid we have to stay in a night and finish a discussion board. Yeah. And that's okay. It's so okay. And so many people do it. You know how many people, even if you're not thinking about like an undergrad, people like I know many people who are getting their masters, you know, or I think like I had a brother who went and got his master's at like 27 or 28. Yeah like I know people who are 29, 30, like Maddie's thinking about going to get her master's, and she's in the same boat as us. Like they're in school too, and they don't say no to things and they're in financial like constrictions or restrictions or whatever as well. Yeah. So just I don't know. We it's all about perspective. It is, and the thing is is that that's a big thing that you and I have to hold each other accountable at because it's always like if you're down, I'm always down, and like for the most part, vice vice versa. And we just have to be like, no, we can't. We have to study, we have to take the test, we have to, you know, do whatever. Save some shekels, save a couple shekels, save a couple because you know, those loans won't stop and they'll be they'll haunt us. Yeah. So um, I think what goes along with all of this too is just not only like sitting down and looking at like where you thought you would be, but then like the grief and like the uncomfortableness of that, or then I feel like the comparison that comes along with that when you look at your friends, we I just was talking about this when we were talking about the like the concept of today's episode. I was like, what sucks to see the most is I'm not much of a comparison girl, but when I think about going back to school and I kick myself repeatedly because this is something I should have literally, this is something we both should have done four or five years ago. There's no reason that now at 26, almost 26 and 28, that now we're just finally completing the bachelor's. Yeah. But it's okay. And I think that we need to knock the I don't know, like the societal stigma. The stigma of like that that's not okay. Yeah. And we need to not compare ourselves to our friends who, you know, did the traditional boom boing bong, like we're done. No, I was just talking to Claire about this yesterday, and she was like, Man, do you like like how do you feel now that like now you gotta pay to go to school? And like, you know, I was on a softball scholarship and like I did not pay a shekel towards school because I had it all paid for and I just like did not care. I was partying, I was doing this, this, and this, and like I I wholeheartedly regret it now. But like when I'm in, and I was telling you this the other day, I was like, I don't feel like people should go to college until their frontal lobe is developed. Like, I was like, why did they start college at the ripe age of 17, 18 years old? I was like, I was so not in the mind or the headspace to like want to grind out and go to school and like all this stuff. And I'm like, yeah, like I wish I would have done better. I wish I would have focused more, I wish I would have done those things that I did, and I wish I would have never dropped out. I wish I would have never quit softball because then I would have had a scholarship and actually done school. And like now I'm like paying the price, which is like not a lot, but it's still money that I am gonna have to owe back. And you just have to like take that on the chin and realize that like you just gotta do what you gotta do. Yes, I regret it, but I am like so proud of myself for getting back to this point because I had so many people in my life to like they would tell me like you're never gonna go back to school. Or even if they didn't tell me, I know there's people that are like praying on my downfall, like you're not gonna go back to school, you're not gonna graduate. And I'm gonna be like, Yeah. A decade later, I am okay, a decade like six, seven years. Well, you started at 18. Right, right. Um decade. But yeah, no back on that. It's like starting over is so humbling and so like a punch in the gut, but also it's like I have never felt not never, but in a very long time, I haven't felt this like excited and almost like a sense of like power because I feel like I'm taking control again. I feel like um for the last, I don't know, at least three years, I've just been kind of floating and I've been like almost like you're like in water and life is just like clothes. And yeah, this is like such a like a vivid image, but like it's like you're you fell into water in like clothes and you're like trying to like swim to the top, but you're kind of like getting like sucked back down. I feel like I've just been like floating and I'm like trying to grab that job, trying to do this, like I'm trying to apply to the job. Relax, don't make fun of it. But like that's how I feel, and I feel like finally, like I just like I have a grip. I'm like, I'm doing this, you're gonna get it gooey, you can get away. But it's like I have a grip and I feel very proud of where I'm headed, and I need that to carry me through the next year while I finish this thing. Because I know there's gonna be moments that we're like, let's just go back. I can't run a bit. But like also, no, that's like definitely not gonna happen at all. No. Um and that's the holding each other accountable thing. Yeah. Like if there's ever a time that um you feel like you're like I don't want to do it, I don't want, I wanna give up. I'm I'm gonna be there. And I'm gonna be like, no, you're gonna lock in, you're gonna finish this. Like the remember that real life, you don't want that anymore. No, and that like the like the level of stupidity. If that ever were to happen, holy biscuits, you would be getting sucked up. It's just like crazy. You can't. That's why we have the digital footprint. Yeah, we won't. No, we won't. Um, is there a moment recently that you feel like you've had like a spin-out crash-out moment? Cause like I know I've had a spin-out crash-out moment of just like where my life's at and what's going on and what am I doing? And I know like, not to put her business on blast, but I know like Yanni's kind of going through like a transformation period and like she's been like thinking about all these things, especially with grad school coming up. So it's like, do you have a time recently where it's like, what is happening? Yeah, I mean, like, I feel like we all had it around the same time within the last like four weeks. Like, truthfully, we're and I think it's I don't know what triggered it. And I don't know what triggered it, but I also feel like we do live together, we're all together constantly. And it's like I panic, crash out, then I'm like, then you panic, and then like because I'm out here laying down the law. I'm like, guys, or like specifically you and I, I'd be like, Jay, what the F are we doing? Like we're at this bottom barrel situation. We're not living up to our potential, we're not who we say we want to be in their aspect of dating. Like we want this, but we're this. Yeah. And I want to be this. And I feel like deep down I am this. And what sucks is like I know the right guy will see me for that. Yeah. But it's also like it's so scary. I get it's like we always say we don't date potential. I know. So it's like I get so I get scared to like really open up. I get scared to be like, oh yeah, like I dropped out of college once, then I got a degree I didn't really want. Now I'm going back to school as a 26-year-old. Yeah. Like, you don't have to be a good idea. Right now I'm unemployed. I just said that for the first time, like literally a week ago, to a man. And I literally, that was the first time I've ever said that like I didn't finish my degree. I still have credits that I need to complete my degree. And that I, and that was at the time where I wasn't even thinking about going to back to school. And I was like, I have an uncompleted degree. I have nothing to show for. I don't have an associate's because I left after a year. And like I don't have any of this. And like I always I've never like said it out loud to a man. No, because it's scary. It is scary. It doesn't sound because you seem like you're like a giver-up, like a giver-upper. And once again, it's like the stigma behind it because they don't know your whole story, but it still doesn't look good because I want an educated established man. Yes. And they want an educated established woman, more or less. It's like they're just probably a small percentage of people who are okay with like, I'm gonna be such a top dog and you're gonna be fine down here. And then they, you know, maybe you level up there. But then it's like not the kind of kind of like relationship I know. Like I don't want to be powerhouse. Yes, that's what I want. Um, what part of your life do you feel like is we'll start with like what's a part of your life do you feel like is the most uncertain right now? What part do you feel like is the most wishy-washy? I think just like career-wise. Yeah, because even though we have the the plan to get the degree to do the thing. I still don't know what exactly what I want to do. Do something. It's like you still need to go get the internship. You still need to network while you're in school, you still need to put that best foot forward. So when you are done and completed with the degree, you need to have that first step already ready because otherwise we'll be in we can easily end up in the exact same situation. No, exactly. And like that's the kind of scary part. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know if I want to do something like sports management related. I don't know if I want to do marketing. I don't know if I want to do something like business. I don't know, like I truthfully don't know. I haven't found like my niche like passion when it comes to like a career. And like I feel like while we're going back to school, something's gonna like spark my interest. And I'm like just waiting for somebody at work to be like, I do this. And I'm like, oh my gosh, that sounds super cool, you know? Because when you're on like LinkedIn and Indeed, I'm sorry not to cut off your no, you're good. Um, when you're on LinkedIn and Indeed, there's so many oddball jobs that when I look at them, I just like glance at them and keep scrolling. Or like it's for a company that's not like a name, like a well-known name, or it's like for something like a startup. Like if I see like a Delta Airlines marketing job open up, I'm like, ooh. Yeah. But if I see like turf, advanced turf solutions marketing, I'm like, no, but advanced advanced turf solutions might have the best Christmas party and the best benefits. You never know. But I'm only focused on Delta Airlines. And like when you hear someone be like, oh, I'm this and this at this random job, but they love it so much. Or even when like our friend Leah was like, I'm gonna go do security at this company, and like she showed us the office and the benefits package and the events that they go to and the gr and between bonding. It's like we go to Sun's games every month, and like you don't think about these. It's just like I have to stop being like surface level and shallow. Like a career is a career. You really gotta dig. You gotta dig. Mm-hmm. And it's honestly those big corporations you truly don't want to work for unless they're like up up, like a regional or something. Somewhere. Exactly. But yes, and but yeah, some of those like smaller places like usually do like they're most family oriented and like have good benefits. And like even like it's crazy, like there are like some random place like Kayla tells me that like DraftKings has like the best benefits, the best like maternity leave, like this, this, and this. They take her all over the country to do things. And I'm like, I would have never thought like DraftKings. Would have all these amazing benefits, especially for like women. Yeah. It's like so random and so like niche. Yeah. You know? And it's like, I'm happy for her. She like landed just upon it, you know? And it's like, I want that. She loves a good life. She lives a great life. The best life. We love you, Kayla. You live a great life. Um, but um, but yeah, so it's like that's kind of what's stressing me out, and I'm like really trying not to, but I think like going back to school, making connections with people, and like slowly like learning what I want to do, I think that's gonna like alleviate that soon. No, it 100% will. It'll all fall how it should, fall how it may. Um, and I think it's also just for me, it's like I am just like constantly in prayer for direction and guidance. I'm constantly asking God just, you know, I for not only direction and guidance, but just for peace over the whole thing. And I think he provided peace when I made the decision. So like when I told you about like I'm going back to school, I was like, I have never felt like so sure and peaceful in a long time. Yeah. And that's how I knew that this was the right thing. It was like that little thing I felt like was God saying, like, got you. And this is the first, like, this is what you've been waiting for. This is the sign you've been looking for. It's like um, what do you feel like is motivating you the most through this new turn of our I don't know, turn of our lives? I think that what's motivating me is just knowing that there are so many opportunities waiting for us after we get this degree. Like we have like we talked about previously, like we're just like stuck in the in the ticket is that degree. It is, it truly is. And I think that like I also want to feel like a sense of like accomplishment because it's just been hung over my head for years and years at like, you didn't get this, you didn't get that. And I'm like, I want to be able to say, like, I finished, I accomplished this, and that's like really what's like getting me through, truthfully. Yeah, I can agree with all of that. I feel like we've all been knowing, and I've had the same mentality of you as like, oh, I'll go back, I'll go back, I'll do it soon, I'll do it in whatever, whenever life slows down. Um, I feel like what's really motivating me through this is just like a second chance almost. I feel like I when I dropped out of school the first time, I felt very extremely lost and really had no direction. Then I found the uh paralegal degree and I completed that and I felt very, very proud and I was like, this is it, this is my ticket. And then it clearly wasn't, and I didn't I didn't network correctly, I didn't use my resources with my university, I didn't do any of that. I just thought it would fall into my lap, which clearly has not happened. Yeah. So now with all of that behind my belt, or under my belt, whatever the saying is, um beat the horse around the bush behind my belt, under my belt, and with that perspective of like I went to college, I completed a degree, and it got me literally nowhere. Nowhere, literally nowhere besides the bottom of crash outs and quarter life crisis. And now I feel like here we go, second chance, like use the resources at your college, ask people for help, network, reach out to connections that you find on LinkedIn or go to networking events, like dress up, go to seminars, go to conferences, like go do those things, even if it doesn't make any sense or it sounds daunting. It's like I will do that because I refuse to let this opportunity fail again. I can't. I can't afford to let this opportunity fail again. No, truly, and like I don't know about you, but like something just feels different about this time around. We're grown women. We are. I have like the fire, I have the like go getter, like I have all that in me right now. Like I am just ready for it. I'm so like I have never been more excited to fill out my first discussion board. I know. I like I say that now, and I'm like 30 of them in, and I'm like, man, I don't want to do this. But like I am so I was even doing my like placement test and I was like chat, chat, like chat, and that part too. But um, no, I am just like so excited. I have the fire. I know you have the fire, and I am just like ready. I'm just like very expectant. I'm very eager and I'm very excited to have like a new opportunity. Like I said, the second chance, the second look, the what's I don't know, but yeah, it's just gonna be great. It's gonna be hard at times and it's gonna be really like I don't know, we're gonna get discouraged, and but I think very quickly I'm just gonna see like where my life was and the trajectory it was going on. And we decided to put a halt in that and we'll go this way, you know, and like life doesn't get any easier, bills don't get any smaller, and I can't do what I'm doing now with that in mind. And that's what's pushing me. Yep. I feel like from this point on, we're like really like turning the page. We have like a whole new chapter. We have to, and we have such amazing support systems, we have amazing friends, amazing families, amazing. I don't even know. Just like everybody in our life like is always so supportive, and and I uh am always grateful for that. Um, yeah. Starting over is not easy. We're not completely starting over, but in kind of one way or another we are. I feel like I am. That's what my brain's like we're starting over, fresh start. Um yeah, it's uncomfortable, but it's well, it's okay to be uncomfortable sometimes. Like I means you're growing. Yeah, I was so uncomfortable for like the last year, I would say definitely the last six months. I feel like I've just been like in a constant spiral. Um and that is such a blessing in itself because I would have never pushed myself to do this if I was like you won't push yourself if you're comfortable. No, exactly. Um but yeah, something needed to give and it finally gave. Thank God, truly, thank God. But yeah, if you're in a similar boat, I hope this episode finds you. I hope you feel encouraged. I hope even if school isn't your answer, I hope it pushes you to try new things or it pushes you to go out of your comfort zone and whatever your answer may be to get you out of, you know, a quarter life crisis of sorts or get you out of a funk or get you out of a rock bottom. I hope that you were able to do that. And I pray you're able to do that. Yeah. It's a not a comfortable feeling. I it I like I truly wouldn't wish the phase of life that we've been in on anyone, but I also think it definitely I think it definitely built our character, I think it definitely built us into stronger women. Um kind of just snaps you out of it because you don't want to stay in a place that you are feeling like you're always crashing out about what's next. And it's like you just need to like snap out of stable. Yeah, yeah. I just want to be peace zen. See, like, yes, like I have done all I can to get me in the best position that I'm at. And that's what we're doing. We're doing what we can, and that's like us putting our foot forward, getting our degree. Yep. And that is like we control what we can control, and that is what we're controlling right now. And I am so excited. Me too. And I will start beginning of May. Jay is trying to decide um if she's starting for the summer semester or fall semester, but yeah, I am very eager. And uh yeah, that's just our story. I just felt like that was really heavy on our minds and hearts because that's been like a huge game changer of the week, a huge mind shift, a huge life shift. Yeah. This literally all happened within the last like seven days, I'd say. It was like I was on the phone with my mom, I'm calling my old university, they're telling me I can get my degree like super quick and easy and no problems. And here you go, write the check, move on. And then I told Jay and Jay I was like, well, shoot, here we go. Yeah, and here we are. Yeah, and we're gonna do it. Yeah, I'm excited. Take on it. I'm so excited too. But already, we're gonna wrap her up there. I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode, and we will be back next week. Peace out, Girl Scout.