Christina & Brooke Share Wisdom from the Middle of the Change Process

Sometimes at the end of the journey it can be hard to even remember what it was like to be in the middle. Listen in to my interview with a wonderful couple of humans, Christina and Brooke, who are currently working with me. They openly share how they started out disconnected with lots of resentment. They discuss what they've learned so far and how they feel now mid-way through the process of transforming their relationship. Anyone seeking better, more authentic, and stress-free intimacy will benefit from their perspective. 

Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Laura Jurgens: Welcome to Sex Help for Smart People. I'm Dr. Laura Jurgens. I'm here to help you have better sex, intimacy, and relationships. So let's get at it. Welcome everyone. This is episode 59 and I am really excited today to share with you a conversation I had with some current clients. I am calling this the wisdom from the middle because I really think there's some special insights when you're on the path, right, when you're on the journey that we don't always remember.

Our perspective, the whole way, once we get to the end, especially if you can take a moment to look back at where you started when you're in the middle of that journey, when you're in that learning space where things go up, things go down, right? You're, you have wins, you have setbacks, you have all kinds of new discoveries.

It's just a really amazing place to be, and I think so much of the time we wish it away even though it's kind of most of our life, it's being in the learning space in some way, shape, or form, unless we are change avoidant and are not, are kind of growth avoidant, which, you know, can happen or we have seasons like that, but if we are an active person who is growing and changing and learning in life, we spend the majority of our life not knowing really what the heck we're doing.

And It's a really beautiful, wonderful place to be if we let ourselves be there. It's also just a fact of life because most of the time we're not in arriving, right? We're not in that moment where we've like figured everything out and we've gotten perfect at something. We're always in a process of growth, but really when we're in the thick of it, I think that's a really special place if we take that moment to look back and say, Okay, there's where I started.

Here's how far. I've come and I may still have goals along the way, I may still have things I want to accomplish. I may not feel like I'm all the way there, but I think there's some really just gold in that place. So also you hear a lot from me, obviously here, that goes without saying. But I also really want you to hear from others and people, especially in that process, in that middle.

So today we are talking, I am talking with Christina and Brooke, who did not want to use pseudonyms because as Christina said, she is proud and I am so glad for her that she's proud. They came to me both really frustrated and I'm going to let them tell the story of where they started. But they are current clients, and they actually said to me, too, at the end of this interview, Oh, hey, we'll come back at the end, too, because we're really interested to hear where this goes.

They wanted to share with you their, the snapshot of where they are in this process and what they've learned so far. And I felt like that was just such a wonderful, generous offering that I wanted to give you a chance to really hear from them. They are rightly proud of all of the work that they've done and all the accomplishments they've had.

And so we just had this conversation about how it's going, and I invited them to give you any advice that they had about if you're interested in doing this kind of work, how it goes, when you might want to think about starting, all that kind of stuff, and how to really think about it. So I hope you enjoy this conversation with two amazing human beings, Christina and Brooke.

Oh, welcome. I am so glad to talk with you both. I'm so thankful that you're both here. So I wanted to just start with, if we can think back to before you started working with me, what were your biggest challenges and sort of what were you, what were you struggling with? What were you feeling at that time?

Would either of you like to go first? Christina, you were the first person to come to me, so that might make sense. . 

[00:04:03] Christina: Yeah. Yeah. You know, hearing, hearing you interviewed on the podcast, and I've told you this before when you said this process can be playful and Yeah. Playful. It was so reassured to me that that the way I've been doing it, so what was hard and was the way I've been, I had been trying to figure all that has been not playful.

It's really stressful and and. A couple or a few years of obligation sex, I mean, like probably my whole life, starting to feel the, the frustration around that, I think, is what was especially, and not sense of, I didn't know it at the time, but not having a sense of me first, really feeling me first. So, yeah, coming in, not, knowing that there's somewhere, there's something that wants to flow and be expressed, but not knowing how to, and the frustration of that.

So those are, those are the things that come to mind right now. 

[00:05:10] Laura Jurgens: Absolutely. Can the two of you, either one of you, describe a little bit about sort of where you were with your relationship and your intimacy at that point? 

[00:05:19] Brooke: I can describe. There was tension and frustration and triggers that we were having trouble getting underneath.

There were patterns that were kind of hard to Just to see and to unravel and and then some kind of resentment or anger kind of building up 

[00:05:42] Christina: layers of layers of kind of just things that were distancing us frustration and just something not being able to be expressed. It's good, but also the frustration between us.

Tension and distance that we didn't really know was there. 

[00:05:59] Brooke: Yeah. 

[00:06:00] Christina: Until we started to melt it. 

[00:06:02] Brooke: It can be, you know, underneath the patterns. Like we didn't realize I was holding some frustration and anger. 

[00:06:10] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. And I wonder, do you remember at that time, I know it's a little bit ago now, but, and sometimes when we've moved past something, it's almost hard to remember exactly how we felt at the time, but I'm wondering at that point, how would you have described your situation?

Because now you're describing it in terms of some, you know, the feeling that. Frustration's not there as much anymore. You can see how frustrated you were in that distance. And I wonder at the time, what would you have said your biggest obstacles were then 

[00:06:45] Christina: not really 

[00:06:46] Laura Jurgens: have sex or just not wanting to have sex.

Yeah. We're not really having sex either, right? Like you, you all have sex. Yeah. And 

[00:06:55] Brooke: my and I'm, I was having conflicts about asking or initiating because of the kind of cycles that we could get into that felt, I felt somewhat powerless to undo or find. 

[00:07:10] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, and at the point you came to me. I don't think you were actually very sexually active together at all, right?

No Yeah, yeah. Okay for a while for it had been a while. 

[00:07:23] Speaker 4: Yeah 

[00:07:25] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, because that was part of Christina for you. You're Transition out of obligation sex, too, was starting to put the brakes on how, like, knowing that that felt bad, putting the brakes on, but not knowing where to go, right, 

[00:07:37] Brooke: from there. And then 

[00:07:42] Laura Jurgens: you putting the brakes on, not knowing how to ask.

[00:07:44] Brooke: Like no. I don't want to keep. We're not going to do that. 

[00:07:48] Christina: If all you're going to be is resentful afterwards. Yeah, 

[00:07:50] Brooke: and have that, that sense of obligation underneath it. Yeah. That's nuts. Yeah. That's not heading in the right, you know. 

[00:07:59] Laura Jurgens: That didn't feel good to you either, Brooke. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Absolutely. Oh, I'm so glad that you came to me. We've had so much fun. So, thank you for explaining that. What, what do you feel has been the most valuable aspect of our work together for each of you? And as you've moved through this, Adventure together. Christina, maybe we can start with you. How is that sense of obligation?

How's that resentment? How's the openness to having an erotic connection and the real sense of yourself? 

[00:08:38] Christina: Okay, so I mean, it's gradual, like it's not we're continuing our work, as you know, it's, well, maybe it's not actually that slow compared to considering Came in with the distance and the layers between me and that aspect of myself.

But safety and safety, I feel like I can show up however I am, and then it's almost like this is a practice round for how I want to be physically with Brooke. It's like a pre, pre, pre, pre play, you know, like, oh, that's right. I know how to relax and be in the company of someone. Who's touching me emotionally from zoom, you know, and helping me settle so that I can even talk about stuff and start to find a voice of my own autonomy, like our little exercise of like, You encouraging me to say, okay, I need the screen back a little further and still feel me while I'm in your presence.

And I also feel like we have a consultant in you where if it's a, you know, our vibrators, okay. Or what kind of dildo or, you know, or should I see a sexological body worker or like all of, I feel like the breadth, like we. A consultant, like, you know what our challenges are, what my challenges are, what our challenges are, and I feel like you, you know this whole field of relationship and the anatomy of our genitals and everything.

And so, yeah, I just feel like I have a private sex ed teacher. 

[00:10:16] Speaker 4: Mm hmm, 

[00:10:17] Christina: yeah. There are a few more other things, but I, I do well when I get to kind of pause for a second. And I'll slow it down. So I'll do that now. And then 

[00:10:26] Laura Jurgens: wonderful. And look at that. You taking the moment to say, I'm going to pause and take my pace, which is one of the big wins we had really right.

Was that was so hard for you early on to give yourself permission to have your own pace. And I, you are a rock star at it now. 

[00:10:47] Christina: Thank you. I'll take that. 

[00:10:49] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, it feels pretty good. 

[00:10:50] Christina: I'm so 

[00:10:53] Laura Jurgens: excited for you. You just did it. Thank you. Yeah. Brooke, how about you? What has been, Is there anything that's really stood out as the biggest shift for you?

[00:11:05] Brooke: So you create a very big safe space and I have felt like with our exchanges and the exercises you give me, I've been led deeper into my, my inner self and bringing that forward, which has been much. And so I think my biggest steps are slowing down my internal process and reactions and being there, which is something that I would get lost in before with us and now it's my giving myself room to be, to be there too, like slowing down, like you just were talking about has allowed my.

Window into myself to be bigger to see what's happening and I can bring that forward and that's nurturing That's that feeds our our relationship. 

[00:11:59] Laura Jurgens: Yeah awesome And I think that's such an important point, right? This is a really self led process. This is you, right? We're trying, we're working on helping you be more you.

And I love that you're saying that that has been helpful for you to really embrace yourself more and find yourself more. It's not about, you know, my advice or telling, telling you what to do, but like finding what is authentic to you and helping that come forward. 

[00:12:29] Brooke: Yes, you give good homework, role play, you know, little, little tweaks of try this and all of that kind of opens it up, kind of like detangles the things that get in the way.

[00:12:42] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, exactly. That's such a good insight. Detangles the things that get in the way, because it was really just about clearing that out. 

[00:12:50] Christina: And it's not like with pressure, like I think you're, I think another thing that I've experienced is. Yeah. Okay, I feel really deeply seen, like, like, zeroed right in on and if you have given homework or suggestions, you can see if I receive it as a pressure to do thing.

And You know, you won't let me do that. Yeah, we work on that. That's kind of like obligation sex. 

[00:13:18] Brooke: No obligation. 

[00:13:19] Laura Jurgens: Exactly, exactly. Helping you find more freedom. 

[00:13:24] Christina: Yeah. 

[00:13:25] Laura Jurgens: Yeah. And do you feel like you have more sense of freedom now, Christina, in yourself and your relationship and your connection with intimacy? I 

[00:13:34] Christina: do.

I feel like it's growing. And I feel like. You've helped us kind of pull away from a locked, a locked kind of, I hate to, that term codependence, but a way of relating to each other that's not very spacious. And it's almost like you've helped me orient to me, in a way, separate from him. 

[00:13:57] Speaker 4: Mm hmm. 

[00:13:58] Christina: And it's been really freeing.

[00:14:00] Speaker 4: Mm hmm. I 

[00:14:01] Christina: haven't really put words on that, but, not these words. So, yeah, I feel more free, like it's, like I can move around my days when we're together, when we're apart, feeling more free in me, and I feel like it's just, you know, that, you know, is what I'm imagining a lovely, sensual, sexual, consistently loving expression exchange is, is gonna 

[00:14:29] Laura Jurgens: be 

[00:14:29] Christina: like.

[00:14:30] Speaker 5: So 

[00:14:31] Laura Jurgens: yeah, you've already been getting taste of that. And so that's what we're moving towards. Yeah, is kind of implementing, you're already implementing. So implementing consistently. 

[00:14:44] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[00:14:45] Laura Jurgens: Right. 

[00:14:45] Speaker 4: I 

[00:14:46] Laura Jurgens: remember actually, our first When we were working together in person the first time, and there was really early on when you were feeling so anxious about what would happen, how you would feel when Brooke would walk through the door at the end of the workday.

And that sense of like, I can't take space for myself, I can't take a moment, I have to be completely oriented towards this other person was feeling overwhelmingly like an obligation. 

[00:15:20] Christina: Yeah. 

[00:15:21] Speaker 5: Yeah. 

[00:15:22] Christina: Yeah, it's, it's good to look back and I remember that too. Now. It's almost like I feel like I, it's a, you've helped with the worthiness that I'm, I'm allowed to stay in me.

It's almost, my early programming said when, you know, a parent, you know, dad came home from work, put that smile on and completely disassociate from any aspect of my body, let alone my pelvis. Like, so. To not be going into that automatic disconnect from myself and become the, I don't know, the subservient.

Oh, what it, what to put the words on it, but now, yeah, now when you come in, it's like I feel more free to just stay in my own experience. 

[00:16:13] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, that big, that big fear, that big, it was, you know, that's kind of a classic people pleasing experience, right, is feeling like we have to completely oriented towards the other person.

Yeah. So freedom from that. And because that wasn't what Brooke was asking for, right. But that was something that you had learned as a coping strategy early on. in life and made a lot of sense for you at that time in your childhood and just kind of carried through in a way that wasn't serving you, was feeling really trapped.

[00:16:46] Christina: Immobilizing. Yeah. 

[00:16:47] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[00:16:48] Christina: Yeah. 

[00:16:48] Laura Jurgens: Oh, that's a good word. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:16:51] Christina: Yeah. We've come a long way. 

[00:16:53] Laura Jurgens: I love that. Thank you. So I'm wondering, is there any particular story That comes to mind of, you know, a specific example of an experience that you had that felt really beneficial or a tangible result that felt really important that you want to mention for folks, it's okay if not, it can be hard to come up with.

Not 

[00:17:22] Brooke: a specific story, but just how the, just it repeats what I've said before, which is just the, the, some of the exercises. And the role play that we have done it comes to me when I'm standing in the kitchen and I'm, and we're, you know, static is in the air or there's some challenge and I'm trying to unwind that, create and go, Oh, this is, I'm using this.

I'm using it like thing. Thank you, Laura. And and then I can sidestep some of the old patterns and, and feel like, oh, and softness happens. So it's, it's that, that's a pattern that's, that has happened several times, but I don't have a specific story. 

[00:18:13] Laura Jurgens: Yeah. Wonderful. Like you notice that you're using tools that we have practiced and you're able to implement them and you're able to notice that this is the moment to do it.

I love that so much. That's one of the important things about what we do, right? So we don't just talk about it, we practice so that you can implement easier. And that's what you're saying, right? You're implementing Exactly. 

[00:18:37] Christina: Like be on stage, practicing with Laura and then 

[00:18:41] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, and then, 

[00:18:42] Christina: or you got to be like in, he got to be in direct rehearsal with you and then 

[00:18:46] Brooke: mm-hmm

Yeah. 

[00:18:47] Christina: Bring it 

[00:18:47] Brooke: something we went through and I'm like. Yes, this is, this is real time. 

[00:18:54] Laura Jurgens: Totally. 

[00:18:55] Brooke: Yeah. It's handy. 

[00:18:57] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, you, you two have done that a lot with repair, too. With relationship repair. 

[00:19:02] Brooke: Yes, we've really used that a lot. 

[00:19:04] Christina: Yeah, yeah. We, I think we did it, we actually used the step by step, we like wrote on a post it note, your repair process, and did it.

Yeah, 

[00:19:14] Brooke: so we were traveling for two months in a truck together with a camper. Lots of opportunities to trigger each other and practice repair. And we, we got that one done. Like, we don't even need to look at the card anymore. 

[00:19:29] Christina: We're always, yeah, looking forward to it. 

[00:19:31] Brooke: And then now it's 

[00:19:31] Christina: time to cop. Yeah. So 

[00:19:33] Brooke: then we and we will, you know, 

[00:19:35] Christina: yeah, we do use it.

[00:19:37] Brooke: Create space. 

[00:19:38] Christina: Yeah. 

[00:19:38] Brooke: And then come back and do a repair process. It's really a superpower that you've developed. Yeah. 

[00:19:45] Christina: Yeah. And then we have less reason to even do the repair. 

[00:19:49] Brooke: It's kind of unwound. A lot of things that were Patterns of resentment that have kind of faded. 

[00:19:56] Speaker 4: Yeah, 

[00:19:57] Christina: I would I I think you just really curating the Touch practices the quadrants the different quadrants for us and you know helping us see helping me see which quadrant is most for me and 

[00:20:16] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, so like the giving, the receiving, taking, allowing, all that stuff, which is a particular exercise we do, like that has been really important for you too.

[00:20:26] Christina: Yeah. Yeah. Discovering. I mean, from that exercise, I really discovered touching from a place of, for my enjoyment, taking pleasure in touch for my enjoyment, not to be of service to him. It's that internal locus of control, instead of that external, yeah, those exercises breaking that down and then you curating and saying, yeah, with that particular whole touch practice orientation, you helping, like, take it really slow with the one that was 

[00:21:06] Laura Jurgens: Yeah.

Do you feel like that has fed in at all to some of your big successes in sexy times? Because y'all have had a lot of more sexy time. And it seems like it's been pretty fun. So I'm wondering Because I keep getting little reports that it's been fun. So 

[00:21:27] Speaker 4: I'm wondering, 

[00:21:28] Laura Jurgens: I want to say like one, congratulations on Enjoying sexy time together again, really from an authentic place where you're both connected and you don't have to worry about there being resentment later.

[00:21:40] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[00:21:41] Laura Jurgens: So congratulations on that, and I'm wondering if it's felt like some of those practices have enabled that to be easier or more easeful. 

[00:21:48] Christina: For sure, yeah. 

[00:21:50] Laura Jurgens: Yeah. 

[00:21:50] Christina: Yeah. Totally. 

[00:21:51] Brooke: Yes, it's part of the, the path, the work to, to get there that we've been using to get back to sexy. Yeah. Sharing. 

[00:22:01] Laura Jurgens: Yeah. And how's it feel about sort of being in your own desires, claiming your desires, allowing yourself to have some?

I see this wonderful look on your face, Christina, and I'm so curious about it. 

[00:22:14] Christina: Well, I feel like I have probably as a result of whatever, result of whatever. I always feel like, oh, I've always been able to ask for what I want, you know, I do and I. You know, create environments that I like and want and, but my deeper wants, like my deeper desires, it's almost like staying focused on some superficial desires was a defense to what do I, I mean like the deeper desire for this connection with myself first and, and then sharing with Brooke, with another You know, I'm still thawing to that.

I'm still, 

[00:22:58] Speaker 4: still, yeah, 

[00:22:59] Christina: it still feels edgy. I think you've helped me a lot with just recognizing shame and then questioning it and just being like, you know, who do you want to have be the author of your, your life asking me that or me asking myself that. And and I feel like every time that I come up against that, just, there's just little Buildings of the shame going away and then the desire to show itself show hints, the deeper desire, 

[00:23:30] Speaker 4: not 

[00:23:30] Christina: the superficial.

Oh, I want to, I think I'll, you know, see if I can make, make a massage appointment or go for a walk by myself or those feel important at times, but they have felt superficial to what I really, really long for. And And I think the desire, that desire is starting to show itself above the ground. Yeah. As the, as the wintertime shit melts.

[00:24:01] Laura Jurgens: And we've seen it in like all these beautiful moments of you connecting with yourself and your own eroticism. And then, you know, embracing that sometimes.

[00:24:22] Speaker 5: Yeah, 

[00:24:22] Laura Jurgens: I love that so much when you know, you're like, all right, I'm going to go initiate sex with Brooke, and I'm just going to tell him that we're going to pretend it's not happening. 

[00:24:31] Christina: Yes, that was, I, yeah, I made that happen. 

[00:24:34] Laura Jurgens: It was brilliant. Yeah. Yeah, that works good. Yeah. 

[00:24:39] Christina: It enables you to let 

[00:24:40] Laura Jurgens: yourself be naughtier.

[00:24:42] Christina: Yeah, yeah. And the playfulness back to what you drew me to. It's like, wow, yeah, I'm realizing as I'm sharing that I invented that game. It's such a good game. Yeah. So working around the work around the shame. Yeah. That's the coaching. Yeah. That that's the coaching from 

[00:25:03] Laura Jurgens: you and your own ingenuity in knowing what you needed in order to make something happen for you.

Yeah. Beautiful. Is there anything that you just really want people to know if they are starting in the same place that you were, what would you want to tell them? About this process or the journey or getting coaching 

[00:25:25] Brooke: that it takes some courage to want to bring yourself forward, but it's the safety that you create makes that easier and that It takes courage to do your own stuff, like to claim the things that you bring that are, you know, not maybe your best versions of yourself, and but as you actually look at that and with each other and honestly kind of work with it, your things change and it's, there's improvement, there's, there's ease, there's space, there's softness where there was hardness, and Maybe not despondency, but there was, you know, kind of a the forecast was not good.

And now it's like, Oh, the forecast is good. And it's an it's so worth it. Yeah. 

[00:26:16] Laura Jurgens: Wonderful. Thank you. 

[00:26:18] Christina: And I would add I would add that it takes courage, even just to be listening to this sharing, you know, just the opening up because we live in such distorted, you know, systems. Raised in such messed up systems.

And that this is just so normal to have needs around. It's like, let's go back to school. Let's go back to school. The kind of school we wanted to go to with like a private coach who will accelerate things. Cause you don't have to go through first, like 25 other people, you know? So yeah. And I also feel really hopeful about our future.

Like I'm 57, Broca's 

[00:26:58] Speaker 4: 63. 

[00:26:59] Christina: We've been married for 12 years. And I actually feel like we're remarking on the beginning of like a long extended honeymoon. Till the end. And like, good honeymoon. 

[00:27:14] Laura Jurgens: Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. That's not. That's so fun. I feel like that for you too.

I see it all the time. 

[00:27:25] Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:27:26] Christina: Yeah, I would say, just listen to Laura's podcast. And if there's something that feels good about what we're sharing or your exchanges with Laura invest, you know, the time 

[00:27:45] Speaker 4: and, 

[00:27:46] Christina: and the money that you might invest, you know, going on expensive trip where you long to feel, feel the honeymoon energy, but you don't because.

I have this tension in your body, your relationship with your sexuality, or in your relationship with whoever you're going with, or hopefully going to meet there, which you might not meet them there if you don't do this work first, you know, so yeah, I, I'd say like, if you have to, you know, tighten up on the budget for a year and invest here, it pays off 

[00:28:18] Laura Jurgens: later.

Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. And thanks for acknowledging it is an investment. It's both time. It's an investment in energy. It's an investment in money. It's an investment in hope. You know, we have to decide that we have enough hope to move forward. And I agree with you. I mean, obviously everybody's going to make their own choice, but when you invest in yourself and your capacity for relationship.

The returns are just so much more enormous than they are when you just invest in like a one time thing or experience or stuff, you know, but a lot of times in our culture, we don't really get marketed to invest in ourselves. 

[00:29:01] Christina: That's, that's radical right there. 

[00:29:03] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, 

[00:29:04] Christina: invest in ourselves. 

[00:29:06] Brooke: Yeah, it tends to come in shorter little segments, and it takes, it takes a little time to, to really open up.

Your own contribution to the process like it's easy. Sometimes this is messed up and my my wife or somebody needs to needs to be different, but it takes time to look at what you bring to it. 

[00:29:29] Speaker 5: Yeah. 

[00:29:30] Brooke: And that's where the real shifting can happen as you look at as you own your own stuff. 

[00:29:37] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, that's so important.

And it's hard. That is hard. And that's what you're talking about, about courage, too, right? It takes a lot of courage to own our own stuff. But the payoff is huge. And when we own some of the parts of us that we might not 

[00:29:51] Speaker 4: have 

[00:29:51] Laura Jurgens: embraced so much before and we learn to embrace them and to share them and to get them Loved on by somebody else too that is like all of a sudden.

We don't have to be ashamed of him anymore 

[00:30:02] Christina: Yeah, I think also I actually feel like my relationships with women friends and with Sexuality in general like I just I feel like Around I might take a female lover or you know, my my I feel like my whole way of seeing how humans are sexually is so much more open and not so narrow in that kind of, you know, but yeah, just not so narrow.

And something else I was going to say, lost it. 

[00:30:39] Laura Jurgens: Well, let us know if it comes back. 

[00:30:41] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[00:30:42] Laura Jurgens: Wonderful. Well, is there anything else that you feel like you really want to let people know or say about, you know, just sort of like, when is the right time to work with me? Or would you, would you recommend people to start anything you want to say more about your experience or about things you're really proud of that you've done in the last little while we've been together?

That was a totally different question, so just take your pick of whatever sounds good. I 

[00:31:14] Brooke: was thinking that the, like, when is the time to reach out? 

[00:31:21] Laura Jurgens: Yeah, yeah. 

[00:31:23] Brooke: And the, and I think that we, it would have been, I would have liked to have known that I could reach out earlier, knowing what was on the other side of reaching out, and I feel like when you pick on the anger, frustration, or resentment that happened, like in a, in a circle or a pattern, then there's no need to wait.

Just waiting doesn't make it better, and trying to solve it on your own doesn't usually get you very far, you know? But, like, it It really is nice then to have an outside observer and some guidance like, see how this is happening? And you go, yeah, wow. Yeah. I, I could, I couldn't have gotten where we are by reading those.

Or we're working on it together. 

[00:32:15] Speaker 4: Mm hmm. 

[00:32:16] Brooke: Yeah, 

[00:32:18] Laura Jurgens: that's that's really smart. You know, when you're noticing the anger, frustration, resentment to recognize that you probably are going to need help to get out of that. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. Anything else to add, Christina? 

[00:32:34] Christina: Well, yeah. I mean, I think if you're engaging in sexy times and afterwards, you feel You don't feel closer.

You feel like it's just a chore, immediately called Laura. Ghostbusters. And then the, I remembered what I was going to say earlier is, investment. I actually feel like my relationship with all the people in my life It's shifting because I'm connecting with my, I feel my sexuality is connected to my power.

[00:33:09] Speaker 4: Yeah. 

[00:33:09] Christina: I, I chronically done messed up things with my power, you know, just getting almost addicted to disempowering myself, you know, cutting off from my desire and cutting off from my, my sexuality. And. And now I'm, I think I'm more fun to be around, and I feel more confident, actually, in general. So, if you're feeling not, like you're not so much fun to be around, or you're lacking confidence, Call Laura.

If you need your social relationships to be better, work on your sexuality with Laura. 

[00:33:46] Laura Jurgens: It's surprising to a lot of us, right? This really surprised me when I started working on my sexuality because it was kind of the last frontier. I'd done so much coaching on everything else and I had avoided my sexuality for a long time.

I was surprised at how much transformed my other relationships and my confidence in general, my ability to interact with other humans. Right, even my ability to just like be out in the world, you know, in my job and really big, big to feel and then to feel like your relationship is grounding and nurturing as opposed to a stressful place.

Right. Gives us a lot of confidence to, to navigate the world and I think we need that especially right now as the world is difficult. 

[00:34:30] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:34:32] Laura Jurgens: I'm so excited for the two of you and your continued honeymoon together. Oh, yeah. Thank you so much for being here today. Yeah. So I hope you enjoyed listening to that conversation, half as much as I enjoyed having it.

And I hope it was helpful for you. If at any point, now or in the future, you feel ready to talk about how this type of coaching work might work. support your own relationship and your own intimacy goals, including your relationship with yourself and your own sexuality, please feel free to reach out to me.

Tell me what's going on for you, Laura, at www.laurajurens.com, or go ahead and book a free consultation. You can do that on my website. There's a little button that says book a consult. It's pretty easy. It's at laurajurgens. com. And I just want to invite you to reach out and not wait because you actually could get on this path, right, and feel better and more connected even while you're doing the work to change.

So I want to give you that invitation for whenever you feel ready. All right. Take care. See you next week. Hey, if you're curious about how you could have better sex and connections, go grab my free guide, Find Your Secret Turn Ons. It's right on my website, www.laurajurgens. com, and the link is in the show notes.

I'll see you here next time.