The Secret Hormone Behind Connection, Calm, and Clarity

In this episode, we dive into the world of oxytocin, the hormone that fosters connection, trust, and emotional safety. Discover how oxytocin interacts with other hormones like cortisol, dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, and learn practical ways to boost your oxytocin levels for a healthier, more connected life. 

In this episode:  

00:00: Introduction to the Three Essays series and the focus on oxytocin.  

02:01 Understanding oxytocin: The love glue of the body.  

05:31: How oxytocin lowers cortisol and supports healing.  

10:01: The four happy hormones: Oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. 

15:01: Comparing oxytocin with other hormones.  

20:01: The role of dopamine in motivation and addiction.  

25:01: Serotonin's impact on mood and gut health.  

30:01: Endorphins as natural painkillers and mood boosters.  

35:01: Practical ways to increase oxytocin levels.  

40:01: Reflecting on the three S's: Stress, sugar, and sex 

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Transcript

0:02

Hey, Gutsy Chicks, welcome back to the final part of the Three S's series, where we've explored the three foundational hormones that quietly but powerfully govern the way we think, feel, and perform. Those are stress, cortisol, sugar, insulin, and now sex, oxytocin. Now, the reason I say sex, You might think I'm about to dive into intimacy and pleasure and you're not wrong, but today's episode is about something deeper than just the act of sex. It's about the hormone behind connection, closeness and trust, oxytocin. For gutsy chicks like us, high performing, big hearted women, the idea of sex is more than just physical. It's about intimacy, vulnerability, bonding, and emotional safety. And the one hormone that sits at the root of that entire experience, oxytocin. I think of oxytocin as your body's love glue. It's released during physical touch, hugging, eye contact, orgasm, childbirth, breastfeeding, and deep conversations are being seen and heard. What's wild is oxytocin not only bonds you to your loved ones, it also lowers your cortisol, supports healing, and makes you more resilient to stress. It's why a warm hug or a meaningful talk with someone who gets you can shift your entire nervous system. This is the one that if you shift this one in the right direction, if oxytocin is constantly being released in your body, all the other hormones fall in line. Oxytocin and cortisol are conversely related. When oxytocin goes up, cortisol goes down and vice versa. When cortisol goes up, oxytocin goes down. So if you can remember to hug somebody, get in touch with a friend and have a deep conversation, bond, connect, do something that's going to bond or connect you. then you're lowering your stress hormone and giving your body a chance to rebalance. So let's talk about the four happy hormones because this always comes up when I'm talking to some of my clients or I'm talking to someone about oxytocin or sex, they're like, well, what about the other four happy hormones? So those are dopamine, serotonin and endorphins. Endorphins. I've, I think I've quoted from Legally Blonde several times in this 3S's series that that's by far my favorite quote, but all four of these hormones work together, wrap together and are released together. Sometimes not all the time. So here's the breakdown. Oxytocin is the love hormone. It's bonding and trust. It's triggered by physical touch, eye contact, childbirth. breastfeeding, if you've ever had a letdown on, uh, during breastfeeding or even pumping, know what oxytocin feels like surging in your body. That is probably the best example for any breastfeeding mamas. If you've hugged somebody for a long period of time, or you've had an orgasm that blew your mind and your body is going, at the end, that's an oxytocin rush. Just so you know, the primary function of oxytocin deepen connection, lower stress, lower your cortisol, dopamine. Dopamine is the motivation molecule. So this one's not a hormone is a molecule. It it's primary role is reward and drive. This one's about achieving goals. Once you do that, dopamine gets released. Uh, novelty is another way to experience dopamine. Anticipation is also something that drives dopamine and praise, which I feel like praise is kind of tied into serotonin as well. But this is again, this is where they all start to blend together. Motivation is the thing here. Dopamine moves you to do something. Serotonin. Serotonin is the mood stabilizer. Its primary role, well-being and helping the mood. Some of the triggers, sunlight, healthy diet, gratitude, positive memories. All of these release serotonin into your system and mood stabilize. It also helps with sleep and appetite. That's what I love about serotonin. All right, and then endorphins. People who work out release endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't kill their husbands. Legally Blonde. Endorphins are your natural painkiller. Their primary role pain relief and euphoria. So that oxytocin release where you get that euphoric feeling after it happens. Yeah, that's tied into endorphins. They're all tied together. guys. Laughter, exercise, music, and chocolate are the ways that this is triggered in your body, or at least some ways. Chocolate is my favorite endorphin. And then again, the primary function is to reduce pain and boost pleasure, boost your oxytocin. Okay, oxytocin versus rest versus the rest of these hormones. Let's compare them. Oxytocin is produced in the hypothalamus in your brain and it's released by the pituitary gland. So pituitary gland gets the hypothalamus gets the message. And then the pituitary gland goes, yes, release, release the Kraken. And then your body just goes, okay. It's this hormone is unique for creating strong emotional bonds. Think mother and child, romantic partners, your best friends, your trusted friends. It builds empathy and intimacy. Intimacy doesn't have to be with a sexual partner. Intimacy is with anyone that you have a connection with. You could be your animals even. And it, of course it reduces stress. It suppresses cortisol. I love that. More oxytocin people, more, more, more. And then it also promotes social memory, remembering who's safe or nurturing. Yeah. So important. Dopamine is produced in several brain regions, especially the sub, substantiate nigra and ventral tegmental area, the VTA. Hmm. Yeah. Thank you. Chat GPT for that one. Several regions of the brain light up when dopamine gets lit up. We're seeing dopamine light up in the emotional center of the brain, the speech center of the brain, a bunch of the facial nerves get to experience dopamine as well. Dopamine increases focus, learning, and as I've already said, motivation. It can become addictive. This one's tricky. So phones especially have created this addictive scenario because when we see that we've got an email or a text message and it lights up, that's a dopamine hit. We're motivated to go and see who messaged us. What is it about? How am I needed? Rinse and repeat. And that creates the addiction. see the same thing with gambling. And substance use, there's that initial like, whoo, here we go. And then when you finally do get the hit or the win, you get a dopamine surge and rinse and repeat. There's a feedback loop there. Dopamine is a tricky one. Dopamine is less about connection and more about achievement. So this is where you really want to have oxytocin happening with your dopamine. So the bonding moment with the achievement, this is why athletes are obsessed with winning because it makes us feel amazing and we're doing it in an oxytocin scenario. So the addictive behavior. Is now healthy. Such a catch 22 dopamine is the I want it molecule or we're in this together. That's oxytocin. All right. Serotonin mood regulation and peace. This one's produced in the gut 90 % of the time. And the other 10 % is produced in the brain. Isn't that interesting? Serotonin is produced in the gut 90 % of the time. Hmm. So get your gut right. And that happy hormone gets released and that happy hormone helps you with sleep. appetite, mood, and body temperature. Low levels of this are linked to depression and anxiety. So if you have depression and anxiety relative to serotonin, your gut is off. I'm going to repeat that because I, this is, this was the basis of why I called this podcast, Gutsy Chicks and why, who I work with usually has A gut issue. Serotonin, 90 % of the time is in the gut. And when you have low levels of serotonin, you're likely to have depression and anxiety. It's a gut problem, you guys. A gut problem. Isn't that wild? And of course, this one's often targeted by antidepressants. that go into your gut and fix your gut in weird ways. So I can't stress that one enough. If you are looking at gut issues, check in with your anxiety and your depression. If you're having sleep issues, check in with your gut and see if it's off. Are you digesting properly? Are you releasing properly? Is the thing that's coming out of you looking normal? Is the right color? It's a whole nother conversation for another day, but I'm sure I've got a podcast on it. A podcast episode. All right. And then endorphins. This one's produced in the central nervous system and the pituitary gland. So. Oxytocin, pituitary gland. Endorphins, pituitary gland. Pituitary gland's important when it comes to being happy. Your central nervous system is where this one hangs out, gives the signal, or receives the signal that we need some pain reduction because endorphins are pain relief. They also, it also induces euphoria. m euphoria. Such a fun thing to experience. It's released during exercise, laughing, sex, and crying. Yeah, oxytocin and endorphins. Laughing, exercise, sex, crying. Hmm. It boosts your mood. This is again, you heard my legally blonde quote, happy people don't kill their husbands. Endorphins was the hormone relative to this. Endorphins come in short bursts. Oxytocin comes in lasting emotional bond. long term versus short term. That's the difference, the major difference between endorphins and oxytocin. Endorphins are the, I feel no pain chemical and oxytocin is the feel safe and close one. Often these hormones work in tandem during sex or deep connection. All four can be released. Dopamine is your desire. Serotonin is your satisfaction. Endorphins are your pleasure. And oxytocin is your bonding. All four during sex or deep connection. Those deep conversations with your girlfriends, get it. In healthy relationships, oxytocin lays the foundation. While dopamine and serotonin maintain excitement and peace. In healthy relationships, oxytocin lays the foundation. This one makes you feel safe. Makes you feel comfortable with this human or this animal. That's your foundation. And then building on it, dopamine and serotonin maintain excitement and peace. Which remember, those are short bursts. Let's zoom out for a second. Cortisol gets you out of danger. Insulin fuels your body with energy and oxytocin reminds you that you're not alone. Those are those three S's. In today's world, especially for women who carry so much, it's easy to operate in go mode, run by stress hormones and sugar cravings. But without oxytocin, we miss the human connection. our nervous system craves. This hormone is your emotional safety switch. Guess what? You don't need a partner to get it. You can build oxytocin through petting your dog, volunteering, spending time in nature, my favorite, spiritual practices and prayer, eye gazing with your child, have a staring contest, it's the best, hugging yourself. In fact, if you're watching this, I'm putting my hands across my heart onto my shoulders. So my arms are crossing over my heart. My hands are on my shoulders. And if you hug yourself like this, or even do the cross body taps, your body receives that oxytocin boost. So when I call this sex, I mean it in the sacred life affirming sense of connection. The part of being human that reminds us we're safe, we're loved, and we're not alone. So gutsy chicks, as you reflect on the three S's, stress, sugar, and sex, ask yourself, am I constantly in cortisol mode? When I work with my clients, this is the very first thing I'm checking in on. Where are you at with your cortisol? Is it high, balanced, or low? Next, am I using sugar to numb or energize? Are you going to the cabinet and going, I just need something to feel something. Give me a dopamine moment. What was chocolate? Let's see that reminder. Do, do, do. Going back in my notes. Oh, I can't find it. Sad day. I'll have to go back and listen to my own podcast. there it is. Endorphins chocolate. Endorphins are released when you have chocolate and it's that short burst. And the last question to ask yourself relative to the three S's, when was the last time I truly felt connected? Because your hormones don't just keep you alive. They tell the truth about how you're living. Let's start listening until next time. Keep being bold, brilliant, and beautifully gutsy.