THE MILK
Welcome to The Milk- the podcast that pours it all out: the messy, the magical, & the mildly unhinged moments of motherhood and womanhood. Real talk, honest stories, and reminders that none of us really know exactly what we’re doing- and that’s kinda the best part! I’m Tayla- your host and mom of soon to be three. So let’s laugh, learn, and milk this season of life for all that it’s worth.
THE MILK
Ep. 15 Sami Spalter: Your Weight Is NOT Your Worth: Choosing Identity Over Aesthetics in Pregnancy & Beyond
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Ever had life hand you a mirror and ask who you’re becoming, not who you’ve been? That’s the heartbeat of our conversation with wellness creator, co-founder of FORM, and soon-to-be first-time mom, Sami Spalter! We go beyond trimester talk to unpack identity, body image, boundaries, and the surprising ways pregnancy turns discipline into surrendering and perfection into presence.
Sami opens up about how the 1st trimester forced her to give up her highly adored pre-pregnancy routine and swap it for whatever her body needed most in that moment, her willingness to ask for help, & how she reminds herself daily that her weight does not define her worth.
If you’re craving a warm, grounded take on pregnancy, purpose, and becoming, this one will feel like a DEEP exhale and a big hug to all the pregnant, postpartum & new mamas out there.
More On What We Discuss:
• pregnancy as identity shift and boundary builder
• reframing weight gain as intentional and purposeful
• dressing for comfort to protect mental health
• releasing perfection and people-pleasing
• practical prep for birth and the fourth trimester
• direction over speed in postpartum healing
• modeling self-respect and joy for our kids
• healing family patterns and reparenting ourselves
• surrendering to birth as initiation and choosing presence
Make sure to follow along Sami's pregnancy and motherhood story by following her on Instagram @samispalter
Follow The Milk Podcast on all platforms for weekly episodes that remind you you're not alone, you're not crazy, and you're doing way better than you think.
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Welcome And Guest Setup
SPEAKER_00Welcome to The Milk, the podcast that pours it all out. The messy, the magical, and the mildly unhinged moments of motherhood and womanhood. Real talk, honest stories, and reminders that none of us really know exactly what we're doing. And that's kind of the best part. I'm Tayla, your host and soon-to-be mom of three. So let's laugh, learn, and milk the season of life for all that it's worth.
SPEAKER_01Hi, ladies. Welcome back to another week of The Milk. Today we have another special guest. Sammy Spalter will be joining us. If you don't know her, she is someone that just exudes positivity, optimism, and just truly inspiration in every aspect of her life. If you already know her and follow her, it's most likely from her sharing her weight loss journey so transparently. Also, the content she shares in the wellness and lifestyle space and her journey building the fitness platform and community form with co-founder Sammy
Shared Pregnancy Realities
SPEAKER_01Clark. She's also a soon-to-be first-time mom. Her and I are, I believe, a couple weeks apart. And I wanted her to join us on The Milk just because she has so much wisdom and just her perspective on life is so inspiring. This isn't really a first-time mom pregnancy episode. It's really an identity and mindset conversation where pregnancy is the catalyst. So I'm so excited to get into this episode with you. Let's give Sammy a warm welcome to the show. Sammy Spaulter, welcome to The Milk. I have been waiting patiently for us to have this little date recording together. I can't believe we're both pregnant together with little girls.
SPEAKER_02I know. This universe is just giving us the greatest gift of all. It's so important to like have even friends online who are dealing with what you are feeling day in and day out, and for us to have like such close due dates too.
SPEAKER_01So fun. I can't believe we're like a week apart from each other. And who knows, like when both of our babies are coming. It could be even closer. It's just, it's so nice to be so close in like the pregnancy weeks because it's like we're go our bodies and everything, like we are going through the exact same things right now. Completely.
SPEAKER_02And every week is different. Do you have the app? Um, what to expect? Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Those emails that I'm getting, I'm like, wait, is that actually happening inside of my stomach right now? It's crazy.
SPEAKER_01And it's pretty, it's pretty crazy how like you'll feel something and you'll be like, is this normal? And you'll open one of those apps and it like reads it verbatim. You're like, oh, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02This makes I don't know what my chat or what my pregnancy would have been like without chat GPT, actually. Every little symptom.
SPEAKER_01This is my first pregnancy with chat GPT, I guess. So like it's funny comparing my first to my third. I was on those apps day in and day out. And now it's like I'll open it up every once in a while. And like last someone asked me yesterday, like, oh, what size is your baby? Because she's been going insane in my stomach. And I looked it up and they're like, baby's the size of a coconut. I'm like, okay, what why did you pick that kind of fruit? Like, they're it's not the length of a coconut, and then another app says like a pineapple. I'm like, okay, that makes a little more sense because these legs are like sticking out of my stomach, like trying to break out.
SPEAKER_02Do you have an anterior placenta? This is such a specific question, but I feel like the girlies will get it. No, okay, I I don't. My mine is is it posterior in the back? Okay, because I remember you posting that video of like seeing her literal foot like kick out of your stomach. And I have anterior, so I haven't seen that because it's like on my stomach side.
SPEAKER_01Okay, low-key, you're lucky. I'll send you, I'll send you a video I posted to my close friends last night because I'm like, not everyone cares about a freaking baby's foot protruding out of your stomach. But I kid you not, this girl's foot was you see the full footprint with like toes, and she's just dragging her foot on my stomach, and like Scotty's laying next to me in bed. I'm like, she's trying to break out,
Signs, Symptoms, And Body Changes
SPEAKER_01and he's like, This is my third time, like I don't care. Like, I've been through this, like I've I've seen this enough. Like Andrew's like so fascinated. Yeah, yeah, no. Third time around, they're like, I get it. You have a baby in you.
SPEAKER_02Every little thing, but it's funny because of the anterior placenta, it took us to like mid-20s in terms of weeks. Like at like week 25, I remember I finally got a kick for Ange. Like I felt so bad because it had been so long into the pregnancy. Meanwhile, she's kicking right now, but yeah, it's just different.
SPEAKER_01I know, I know. It's interesting. I think one of my pregnancies, I had an anterior, and then this one, I swear, I have not felt a baby kick and go crazy as much as this pregnancy. And it just keeps me up at night where I'm like, dang, some days an anterior placenta would be kind of nice.
SPEAKER_02100%. Well, it's also this like Chinese New Year, year of the fire horse. Apparently, like every girl born this year is, you know, she's got the fire.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. And being Aries on top of Aries, Mike, bl bless the men that try to date these girls when they're older because they're just going to walk all over.
SPEAKER_02I'm so excited though. Like when I read the little like generic, you know, like horoscope type things, all the memes of the fire horse and the Aries and the girls being born. I'm like, this is exactly the energy I want her to have. Like, take no shit out there.
SPEAKER_01100%. And like for a daughter, like you want a strong-willed daughter and someone who can take care of herself and doesn't really put up with shit and you know, just can to defend herself and just also like has that inner confidence. That's like Aspen. Even though she's a Pisces, she's like right on the border where she's like a spicy Pisces, like she knows exactly who she is, like, she doesn't let anyone mess with her, and that's just like I want in my daughters.
SPEAKER_02It was so cute when you were like explaining to her what's going on in your stomach. She's a seasoned vet at this point.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, she knows everything, like literally everything, down to like just talking about my nibbles changing and the babies that the baby's gonna drink Baba's baby. Oh yeah, and she'll see like my C-section scar. I'm like, okay, I have to explain the different ways babies come in. Like she came out, we call it a China, she knows every other word, but it's just hilarious because we call the vagina a China, it's just a little bit easier to say, and then some like you came out of my China, but bash came out of my stomach here, like trying to explain it to her. But this girl, I'm like, I I love that you just are so well knowledge in you know, pregnancy, baby, everything. It's it's very fun. It's I don't know if you know that much getting pregnant, and now I'm learning, so go her. No, it's it's so funny. Um, well, I gave a little intro to you before you joined. Um, but for I just want to hear how you would describe yourself and just like based off of everything that you're most proud of and like the season that you are stepping into, because I feel like it's such a new one. Where I'd love to hear how you describe it and like who you are stepping into motherhood.
Fire Horse Energy And Raising Strong Girls
SPEAKER_02Yeah, gosh, I mean, pregnancy has changed me more than anything else in my entire life. And as someone who had like a very long, you know, public weight loss journey, it's really interesting because I've actually never felt like this amount of change, even comparatively to that, having lost almost 90 pounds. And I seriously am such a new human. Like I am a new woman in the best way. And I think that that dichotomy of like knowing and focusing on who I'm becoming versus that girl that I've been and like what I accomplished way back when, like having that like firm line in the sand and saying, like, no, like we're new now, has actually allowed me to embrace this season and like see the beauty in it versus really like retroactively craving and comparing to who I once was. Because I used to be a very disciplined human. Like I was, you know, everything was airtight. I love I'm so type A. I love a routine, you know, counting the amount of hours I got every single night of sleep, the amount of steps I got every day, understanding what a well-balanced meal looks like, like truly across the board, everything was routine. And then you get pregnant. And I mean, for me, at like like two weeks into knowing I was pregnant, I could barely like look at food. I definitely couldn't work out, everything shifted, and it allowed myself to really embrace this softer season and really step into my femininity in a way that I think I'd overpowered with my intellect for so long of thinking that life had to be a certain way. And um yeah, I've really slowed down and I I think I really needed it. Like obviously, pregnancy is the biggest blessing and miracle of all, but what this has taught me about myself and my life is I don't know how much longer I could have gone on how fast I was going. And I do think that like these moments happen at the perfect timing. And for me, my
Kids, Language, And Teaching Bodies
SPEAKER_02pregnancy has really shown me the gift of life, and to really like celebrate the fruits of your labor, not just chase the next thing. Like, be so present, be so connected to who you are right now, and embrace the change and don't compare to who you once were because none of us, pregnant or not, are ever gonna be that version of ourselves ever again. So, really focus on who you are right now and who you get to become. Um, and this is like such a beautiful first in my life, right? Like, how many times in life do you actually get to have a first? And everything's novel, like every kick, every craving, every symptom is so specific. And I think that's where, like, you know, we were in Chat GBG and we're in all the abs, and we're like, what is going on? Because I've never felt anything like this, and it's crazy, and I'm actually obsessed with it, and that's why it's taking over my entire life.
SPEAKER_01No, I mean, I have so much to unpack there and like so many things to say. I think pregnancy is such a humbling experience because you think, or at least I don't know about you. This is how I went into pregnancy. Be like, I'm gonna walk 10,000 steps a day, I'm not gonna miss a day, I'm gonna, you know, I I'll slow down a little, but I want to keep my routine, and you just have these expectations, and then you hit the first trimester, and for so many people, like all the symptoms hit, and you're like, wait a minute, this is something I have never experienced before, where you are slapped in the face with like illness and exhaustion, where you like can't climb out of it, like you have to look yourself dead straight in the mirror and be like, actually, I can't do what I expected to do, and learn that that's okay. And and just like like you said, embrace it. And I think it's so hard for so many people because the hardest part of the transition is like trying to grasp on for who you were prior to getting pregnant, where I'm so proud of you for like knowing to embrace it all the first time around, because I definitely didn't do that, where I felt so bad about myself, I felt so quote unquote lazy and all these things, and going through it a second and now a third time. It's like the way I described this like pre-pregnancy, like you don't realize it, but like you're like a little caterpillar that goes into a cocoon, and then through motherhood, you turn into this butterfly, and you thought you were a butterfly all along, but you literally
Who Am I Becoming
SPEAKER_01were just in your your what is it, the metamorphous state, whatever they call it. I'm Hillary Duff's album.
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Oh my gosh, love that. Um, but like you don't a lot of the time you don't realize it until you're out of it. Um but but yeah, it's just such a humbling experience um where it forces you to let go of the control that people like us love to have. And kind of all out the window.
SPEAKER_02Oh if you try to be that same human, you're gonna get so caught up in your own bullshit. No, it's just you really have to like totally turn it. You're just a new person. And yeah, like I've never had symptoms in any way. I'm a very healthy person, like I rarely even get sick. So to have the level of exhaustion, let alone the nausea and let alone all the other symptoms. Oh my god, my skin changing. Like everything was so different so quickly. I get these uh questions on Instagram all the time, like, how soon do you feel like you were showing and like feeling like you're pregnant? Like, dude, literally, as soon as I saw that pink line, I knew I everything changed. Everything changed for me immediately.
SPEAKER_01Well, also you are you are someone who's like so in tune with your body that like we pick up on those things before maybe the average person would of like, oh, why do I feel a little nauseous today? I usually don't because I'm usually energized because I have 10 plus hours of sleep and I take these supplements, and we just notice the smallest tweaks in how we feel. And so it I feel like you notice like I noticed symptoms before I took the pregnancy test of like, oh no, I know I'm pregnant.
SPEAKER_02My nipples were on fire, dude. Yeah, I have never in my life, like I was, yeah. I mean, I literally just took it for confirmation, but I knew I was pregnant.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh. I I listened to your episode on um, I think it was like your first solo episode when you were announcing your pregnancy and going through all of it, and I was just nodding my head the whole time, like, oh my gosh, yes. Like you just sometimes you just know before you're pregnant, before the test, it's like it just like intuitively hits you too. You're like, oh no, I know.
SPEAKER_02I knew, I fully knew.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's crazy. So I I it seems that like you, it was so easy for you to kind of embrace the change and everything, but was there like a hard part in an adjustment period of you kind of allowing yourself to release that control as such a type A person and someone who's just like so driven, especially career-wise?
SPEAKER_02Totally. I feel like with my career, I've really said yes to so much of what I get to do, right? Like building form, designing all of these active wear collections, really like, you know, just like throwing myself in the community. It's such a get-to. I'm so passionate about what I do. So it's really hard when your energy can't meet where your passion is. And I think for me, that took a second to really step back and like recalibrate what realistically everything can look like. So I ended up telling my assistant that I was pregnant before anyone else because I was like, I I can't go on with what my calendar
Surrendering Routine And Embracing Softness
SPEAKER_02looks like. Like, I need white space in there because I need to get my ass in bed and like to be so real, like I just I can't move forward like this for right now. And that was a hard moment for me, but I think what I've realized throughout pregnancy is I'm actually really good at asking for help. And I didn't do that enough before, and that's been such a beautiful blessing within pregnancy. So finally saying, like, I'm not too good to ask for help, like it's actually way better, and we're all gonna go way further when I admit to not being able to do it all myself. And you know, the the mantra around like just because you can doesn't mean you should. And I was at the point where like I couldn't, and I was still pretending like I could. So that really changed things for me within what my day-to-day looked like. Um, I think other things too that were really like hitting me hard early on were my comfortability in my body. Um, as we talked about, I've really created a deep connection with my body. And every morning in my journaling and meditation practice, I'm connecting to like, how do I feel today? How am I channeling this through my rest and my movement and my nutrition? And I remember sitting there being like, this is all bullshit for me right now because I literally feel like shit. I don't feel at home in my body right now, and it took me a lot of work to feel comfortable in my body again. And when you have the level of nausea that I know you and I both did, even something as simple as wearing leggings that were too tight would ruin my day. The worst. Like that in itself was a day ruiner. My legs rubbing together. Oh, oh dear God.
SPEAKER_01Like the biggest if and like seeing red, I'm like, I third time around, I'm like, put those things in a donation pile or pack them up in the garage. Like, I don't want to even look at those things because I know I will be fixating in my head around how I felt when wearing those.
SPEAKER_02100%. I waited too long. Like for pregnancy number two, I know that is gonna be the first thing I do is move that entire activewear drawer to a different closet. I remember the day I took out all the jeans in my closet and it became a sweatpant section instead. I have not worn anything compressing in months and months and months and months. And, you know, like I think that's where career also comes in because a big part of what I do is forms activewear. And it's always like through Sam and I's own personal experience of like what we want to design into, what styles are we craving, what colorways are we craving. And it's really just changed my perspective on a lot. Um and yeah, like it got to the point where I literally bought myself a new wardrobe and I have a daily uniform that is pregnancy proof for me, where like I know these sweatpants and this long sleeve top from Amazon and this Skims bralette, they're gonna make me feel really good because I can't afford to have a quote unquote bad day just because my leggings were rubbing me too tight. So it's kind of like that change period of, you know, I like to say I talked to myself like my future daughter, and I was really hard on myself for a really long time and was like, no way, I'm already sizing out like two sizes. Like I was just so hard on myself. And in hindsight, I wish I just got to where I am now and I will
Humility Of The First Trimester
SPEAKER_02in the future for future pregnancies, but I think it takes that first pregnancy to really show you how quickly and how drastically you are physically, emotionally, hormonally, spiritually changing across the board, and that you deserve to have pants that fit like that's bottom line.
SPEAKER_01It's it's so true. It's like trying to hold on and squeeze into a certain size because you think that'll make you feel better is such a disservice where it actually does the opposite. Yeah, it actually took me this third pregnancy to really embrace not looking at the number on my deep jeans, yeah, simply just putting them on and feeling like them like a little loose or just fitting perfectly where I'm not sitting down and having to unbutton them because I feel like I'm just you know pouring, pouring over them. Yeah, you don't know that you're gonna go back to somewhere where you feel confident about your body yet. You know, like the second time I gave myself so much more grace because I'm like, I got to a point where like my body wasn't the same, but I felt good in my body again. So even this third time, I'm like, I know at some point, like I will feel proud about my body again, I will feel strong, I will feel muscular. Like, right now is not the time that like whatever fits on my body, whatever makes me feel good about myself in this moment is the most important. And whatever size I see on my denim, like later on, I can care more about that.
SPEAKER_02This is not the season for that. This is not the season. It's funny. I have baby showers coming up. Everyone's kind of in this season in my friend group, which has been such a beautiful thing in terms of community and support. But I have a baby shower this Saturday, I have a baby shower next Saturday. And I was looking at my closet last night and I go, Ang, I need a revolve two-day ship like some options here because I've already grown out of even my like quote unquote maternity things that I've purchased, and now it's already getting warm here in Austin. And I'm like, damn, like it's it's honestly crazy how quickly your body changes. And yeah, I feel like for anyone listening, like, you just deserve to feel good and you deserve to feel comfortable. And I waited far too long to give myself the setup within that. Um, and also just like the pressure of having to look a certain way. I think, like, with you and I both being on socials, I remember those early days, those few weeks, I mean, honestly, months, up until I was around like 20 weeks pregnant. I didn't have like a normal looking bump yet. So it wasn't like I could even have belly out and like it was that mindset of like, do I look like I'm pregnant? You know, like or does it look like I've been drinking a ton of beer lately and I'm just really bloated?
SPEAKER_01100%. Yeah. That's the worst phase.
SPEAKER_02That for me has like been so healing now that I have such a huge bump. Like, I am so pregnant and it's so fun to bop around and everyone's like, oh my god, you're so cute. When are you due? Like, there's no weird, messy middle of like, is that girl pregnant? Or is yeah, she's just drinking a lot of beer. And I think that like now that I've felt that it allows me to honor the change so much more deeply because I see the purpose. Like, I I am so in my pregnancy now, versus to have this first pregnancy and to have such a long time where it just was very different than what I was used to, and I was like being naughty and comparing myself to my. Pre-pregnancy body, but I didn't really
Clothing, Comfort, And Self-Compassion
SPEAKER_02feel quote unquote like fully pregnant yet, like what you see on a Pinterest board.
SPEAKER_01No, it's true. It's like that awkward in-between phase where like the bump isn't bumping, it's not as round as you'd like it. And yeah, the third time around, it's been even harder for me. Um, but talking kind of about that like negative body talk or like comparison, has your body changed, brought up any of like the old stories that you felt or told yourself when you were before you'd gone through your weight loss journey. So kind of like about your worth or your control or your appearance, like have you had to like remind yourself? Has it has it has it compared to before you lost weight?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, totally. There's there's so many invisible strings, and it's brought up so many old patterns, honestly. And you know, like I I would say that what I know to be so true is that my weight is not my worth. And I tell myself that all the time. But then in practice, when I'm watching my body change so quickly, so drastically, day in and day out, it takes a lot more to believe what you're preaching to yourself than to just keep saying it out loud. So for me, my weight is not my worth, is something that I knew through and through. But I also had to hold myself accountable. And when I'm looking in the mirror and telling my husband that my legs look like cottage cheese, I need to completely cancel clear that from the universe and say, No, you know what? I'm beautiful, and how amazing is it that my legs get to change based on pregnancy? How beautiful gain all of this weight with so much intention and so much purpose. And I think society for so long made me feel like the skinnier I am, the more, you know, beautiful I am. And pregnancy has been so healing of really emphasizing that my weight isn't my worth, but in like a whole new way of giving it such intention. Like this weight gain is so intentional. And it's it's a season where I want to gain so much weight, right? Like, how cool that we get to grow in this way and to honor that. Um, but yeah, I think for a long time I had built a lot of an identity around being a face of someone who can help show you what's possible and having lost so much weight as someone who never really thought that that could be my life. And I've really had to unlearn a lot of those old patterns and shift and reframe my perspective from I'm not here to show you how to lose weight. I'm actually here to show you how to love yourself at every size. And I want to show you and like be a face of someone who can also show you how pregnancy can be a really beautiful thing and that your body changing and not having perfect abs and having this big old belly and all these symptoms and all of these things that we get to have is the purpose right now. And this is the season for that, and that's something that I want to celebrate, and that's something that I want others to feel and to love themselves through, versus chasing what's next after this. And I think when you're pregnant, everyone kind of is like, Oh, I can't wait for my comeback story, you know, this like 2.0 thing. And I think that there's a lot of um pressure that that puts out, where there's a whole nother slew of firsts that are gonna come for me after I give birth, right? I'm like, I've never even changed the type, or like I think there's a few things to learn. But um, it's interesting because my perspective around that is I can't wait to like relearn what feels great for me in that season. So pregnancy is a season now, postpartum is gonna be a whole nother season, and it's all about these new versions of who I'm continuing to become versus
Identity Beyond Weight Loss
SPEAKER_02all of these old stories that I've told myself of what I should be.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, it's it's so true, and I'm so happy that you're like already aware of that, even though you haven't gone through it yet. Something that I personally learned, I want to say, I guess after the first or second, like so much of my worth and my value, and just like what I cared about came from how my body looked, how my workouts were, more of like the aesthetics before having kids, that I became so much more neutral with my body after having kids, of like, yeah, I still noticed some things that I'd like, oh, I'd like to, you know, tone up a little here and you know, wish I didn't have stretch marks here. But if I had had those before having kids, I would have spiraled over it. But then seeing that child in front of you and like who gave you those extra pounds or those stretch marks, it's like I didn't really care. Like, I have stretch marks on my boobs, I have a scar above my vagina from bash that's like it's still there, it's still very noticeable. And like I'm so much more content in my body with all those quote unquote like inconsistencies and changes that I was like me getting back to what I felt like was necessary for my body, it wasn't as much of a priority. Like, obviously, it's okay to still care about wanting to feel good in your skin, but I knew my body wasn't gonna get back to what it was, and I was so okay with that. Like the loose skin on my stomach from my stomach stretching out now three times, like it's gonna be there forever, and I'm already at peace with it. Like, yes, I will like want to, you know, tighten up a little here and there, but I'm not going to spiral and go down a deep dark path fixating on it anymore. It's like it's brought me my purpose, it's brought me to becoming a mother with these kids that it like it's water off a duck's bath back.
SPEAKER_02I love that so much. And I think it's such a growing point that women get to experience because for so long our bodies are something that we're almost using for like aesthetic purposes. And like, we don't, if you don't have any like health challenges, or um, like thankfully, if if you've had like a really healthy life, your body serves a purpose that goes so far beyond like how intentional and like spiritual it actually serves you. And a lot of people are using it as this tool of like, wow, like look what I get to look like, right? And like chasing these aesthetics versus the feeling. And I think that pregnancy literally forces you to throw that shit out the window. Aesthetics don't fucking matter right now. All that matters is that our bodies are actually here to bring new life that we get to create, and what a blessing and a miracle that is. And like what a maturing and growing point for anyone who's ever been like so focused on having a six-pack and like having a perfect ass or whatever it is. And like I'm the girl who definitely had like very physical driven aesthetic results on my weight
Letting Go Of The “Comeback” Myth
SPEAKER_02loss journey. Like, I wanted to look and feel a certain way in my body. I got a boob job, like I did all the things and I wanted to look a certain way. And I I look at myself now, I'm like, I'm like, I get it. Like I get what I was chasing at the time, but I'm so grateful to be sitting in this seat right now and saying that like my body's purpose is so much beyond what it looks like. The fact that I am carrying my daughter's life right now is absolutely insane. It is so crazy to me. I thought I'd always want two kids. I'm like, I would do this time and time and time again because I feel like I've cracked the secret code. It's crazy.
SPEAKER_01It's like we are, this is what we are made for by God. It's like this is what our bodies were put on this earth to do. It's like I always laugh. I'm like, oh my gosh. Remember when I was in like high school and college, and like, oh, you buy push-up bras to push up these boobs. It's like, if only back then I realized like these boobs were meant for babies to be nourished from, you know, it's like they're just look, they go from it's like part of your body goes from being sexualized to like utilized as like bringing life into this world, and then you just have like a whole new meaning for your body and just like an appreciation for it in a different way. And like you wanting to look a certain way is also completely okay. You wanting to get a boob job and you know, get rid of that loose skin from your weight loss journey, like that's 100% okay. I think the overarching theme here and like what we're trying to convey is just that like you kind of deprioritize that. It's like you you've put that focus into your body in different ways with different meaning. And like I always say, like, after like you are allowed to want to lose a little weight after having a baby. You don't have to be like, oh, I've had a baby, I just will hate my body forever. Like, you are allowed to want to feel strong because the postpartum, like that was one of the biggest shocks for me. It's like I thought I was just like gonna get back into Plotties because I would do Plotties during pregnancy, and all of a sudden, I was so much weaker from even the third trimester, like giving off, like giving up six weeks to getting back into it. I just felt like I was in someone else's body, and it was just the biggest shock that it's it was like a crash course in direction is more important than the speed, and that like baby, baby, baby steps to get to the end because you your mind thinks you're healing faster than your body, and so you think you can jump back into things, you want to jump back into things, and your body's kind of like, no, I'm still weak, like, no, my abs are still separated, no, my vagina still aches. Like, you might have thought I was I was done bleeding after 14 days, but you're gonna go on an extra long walk and you're gonna bleed a little more, and I'm gonna remind you that you still need to be slowing down.
SPEAKER_02It's crazy how much our bodies go through. Like, it's actually insane to me. I'm at the phase of pregnancy where I just did like my you know postpartum drawer in my bathroom, and I have all these adult diapers and pads and super sexy things. It's so hot, and uh yeah, I'm like, damn,
Postpartum Reality Checks
SPEAKER_02this is literally gonna be my reality. Like, I'm I'm about to be just in like a whole new season of what this brings. And I think that's where like the fourth trimester that no one really talks about is something that needs to be a little bit more decoded and shared online because for someone like myself who's never been in it, I know I'm gonna want to like share those stories and hear from other people's stories. And even in my prenatal Pilates classes that I do now, we so it's prenatal slash postnatal, and a lot of the girls who are past that like six-week postpartum come back, and oh my god, I mean, I have 500 questions for them always, and it's it's really beautiful to get to watch themselves almost as if they are a baby themselves, like live life through this lens for the first time ever, and it's different.
SPEAKER_01It's so true. If I can say one thing, when after you've given birth, take a good hard look at that freaking placenta that comes out of you, and just realize how insane our bodies are that it is it grew this entire large separate organ, and then it literally comes out of your body. Like it is so mind-blowing what our bodies do. It's like the coolest, craziest thing. Like, this feels slightly like animalistic, just odd.
SPEAKER_02It's like no, totally like primal. You know what I love about pregnancy though, it makes you talk about your body in a way where you're so confident and like like I'm the girl who was even like poop shy before. Like, I wouldn't talk about you know what I mean. And now I'm like, oh my god, yeah. Like I will be absolutely looking at my placenta, and I'll probably be encapsulating it and taking it as pills, right? Like I am so connected to my body, and I feel like I love talking about like crazy shit that's happening, and then also hearing it from my pregnant friends, and it connects you so deeply to each other and what an insane journey this whole thing is. And there's like nothing to shy away from from your body anymore.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely not. Just wait. I don't even know if you'll not every woman gets to experience this, but like before giving birth the first time, I was like, What's a mucus plug? Like, ew, that sounds disgusting. It's like a booger. Like, how am I gonna know? Like, I would wipe, and during the end of pregnancy, you might be experiencing this. This is me being the TMI that I just don't care at this point. But like, I would wipe and I'd be like, is this my mucus plug, or is this just like a crazy amount of discharge that I'm getting getting every day because I'm at the end of my pregnancy?
SPEAKER_02And it'd be like one of my best friends today literally text me, she's like, Well, I think my mucus plug just fell out. I'm like, Can you send me a picture?
SPEAKER_01And people like I would always Google, like, how do you know if your mucus plug comes out and so many things would be like, Girl, you'll just know.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I lost it there yet, but I'll let you know. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01Yes, I lost mine in the hospital bathroom.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I, when
TMI, Bodies, And Owning The Process
SPEAKER_01I pulled down my underwear and I saw that thing, I was like, Yep, that's it. No questions asked. That is my mucus plug. Pregnancy is wild.
SPEAKER_02The things I have like all these like new like regimens that I have um for third trimester. I'm like going to the chiropractor, my doula has me doing all this shit, and I love it. And I was at my chiropractor the other day, and she like literally had her finger so close to my butthole. I'm like, like my husband wouldn't even do this. Like, this is such uncharted territory, and I'm just like fucking here for it. No questions asked. I trust you. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Or like, have you done is it the pelvic floor? I haven't done this yet, but like where they actually do, but when they're like literally fingering you and stretching out your vagina?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I have not done that yet, but my jeweler wants me to, and that's like the one that I'm holding off on because honestly, I've had so many friends do it, and for what it's worth, like haven't really seen that crazy of success. I think it's also good, like postpartum. I just, you know, I think there's so many things that are. It's a give and take.
SPEAKER_01I've never done it. I've had friends that have done it, but it's just one of those interesting things of like you lose kind of all your dignity when you get pregnant. It's like your legs are gonna be in stirrup straight up with spotlights, like some women shit on them while giving birth, other people tear so far. I had a slight tear, and honestly, like, yes, we're saying all these crazy things that happened, but I would do it over and over and over again. Birth was the most empowering and just like larger than life experience with Aspen, where I was like blown away. I was like, I am never gonna talk badly about myself again because I cannot believe I just did that. And with just like such calmness and excitement, even though I was slightly terrified, because the first time you do it, you're like, you don't really know what to expect. But it also was so enlightening to feel it being intuitive at the same time. Like I've not gone through this process before, but I feel at peace doing while I'm doing it, even through the pain or the the obstacles that popped up, like it just still felt really intuitive. Like I'm so excited for you to experience it.
SPEAKER_02I cannot wait. Like, this is what I was saying when I feel like I've cracked the secret code. Like, I feel like I'm being initiated into this secret club of like badass women who have accomplished something that like I haven't gotten to do yet. So I'm not like I'm not a runner, but when people are like, oh yeah, like I'm a marathon runner, like that kind of feeling of like, oh, like you've done something crazy. This to me makes a marathon look like fucking bullshit. Like I want that experience. I'm so excited for it. I feel like I've been like training
Birth As Initiation And Surrender
SPEAKER_02for it. And honestly, like, yes, I have a birth plan, but like I surrender to whatever this needs to look like, and I'm so excited for exactly how it's gonna happen. And yeah, like I'll do everything in my power to make sure that we are as healthy as possible. Like my goal is healthy baby, healthy mom, day in and day out. But at the same time, I know that I'm like connecting to my like deepest ancestors who have done this before. Like, it's just so cool that we get to do it. I literally was telling Ange the other day, I'm like, are you kind of jealous? Like, you don't get to carry her. You're never gonna get to carry any of her babies. I get to like have all of these insane experiences where I am leveling up as a human being because of what I'm able to do pregnant and how I'm gonna be giving birth. And he was like, Yeah, like honestly, you know, they just witness us change and like literally become the butterfly that you were talking about. And I I'm so freaking excited for it. Like, I truly can't wait. No matter how dark and crazy that shit gets, I'm here for it.
SPEAKER_01No, I love that attitude. I want to talk about kind of like that identity shift that we go through. Yes, our partners go through it a little bit, but it's it's different. It's like they the the identity shift for us starts the second we get pregnant. We start feeling a different way, we start, you know, everything we just start treating life differently based off of like the experience of growing life inside of us, where I think men, their identity shift really happens like the second the baby is really handed to them because their body's not changing, they're not feeling the baby kick, they're not going through all those changes. Um, but to kind of hone in on our identity shift, like who did you think you were going to be during pregnancy, I guess, and who have you actually become through this pregnancy? Like, how would you describe your outlook on life now and a follow-up? Kind of like, what are you hoping to bring into that postpartum season?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, I've I've always been so by the book to like achieve my goals. And I think looking at who I thought I would be during pregnancy would have been way more textbook of, you know, like hopefully working out every day, eating a certain way, still like traveling all the time and saying yes to all these work get-to's. And what's so interesting is right off the bat, I developed what I called the no bullshit boundary. And I'm someone who thought I had boundaries and then I got pregnant and I learned what real boundaries are. And holy shit, did it change my life in every single way. And I mean that in the ways of how I show up socially, how I let people treat me, how I make my decisions around saying yes versus saying no, how I treat my time, how I speak to myself.
Boundaries, People-Pleasing, And Self-Priority
SPEAKER_02Everything changed. It really forced so quickly me to look at myself so real and say, No, you know what? You've been going at this for a long time in a certain way, and I deserved this new lens of life to really, really understand like the potential of life outside of just people pleasing all the time. I think it was like a really big pattern for me and being perfect and like all of these pressures from society, and you know, even down to like what my family thinks of me. I've always kind of like been the one to hopefully keep the temperature where everyone needs it in the room. But now I'm living this life where I'm like, no, I have crazy needs, and I'm gonna let them be known, and I'm I'm gonna make my decisions from there versus just people pleasing everyone else to make sure everyone's comfortable. And it's been a real shift for me because I've always been very nurturing. And I think you think like getting pregnant, becoming a mom, you become even more nurturing. But what it also forces you to do is learn how to like survive day in and day out. And I think that that's a primal skill that is maybe why pregnancy is so gnarly for so many of us, because you kind of have to throw all that bullshit to the side and really understand like, how are you gonna get through your days? How can you feel your best self while becoming a new woman? And that is something that I know is gonna carry through as a parent for me, and something that I'm so grateful that I have learned in such a crash course during pregnancy is you know what, like, once my daughter is here, and once we do, you know, hopefully get pregnant again and have many more babies, it's it's a feeling of I'm not doing this for everyone else anymore. And this is actually my life, and you know, like no more bullshit. Like I'm very, very, very direct now, and I do it with so much love and so much positive intent, but I'm not allowing myself to just put my needs on hold because I think pregnancy showed me that no, like this is your season to prioritize yourself so deeply. It's like like my pregnancy has been pure self-love the entire time. Like, how many self-care appointments can I get in this week? How much can I do for me right now because I freaking deserve it? And it's like quieting the noise around me that uh really allowed me to make all my decisions before.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's it's so true. It's the the larger I grew my family, like the more and more kids I've had, the more protective I've become over my time, my energy, who I surround myself with, what I say yes to. Because I as a recovering people pleaser myself, um I would always do things for other. People to feel good. And now I've come to realize like those choices are no longer for myself. Like the choices I make are for my family and for my children. So of course I'm gonna be more protective of my time and energy and the noise around me and making sure that the decisions I make benefit my kids. It's no longer about me. Like, yes, of course, you know, we take ourselves into consideration and it is part of the equation, but every decision I make is for such a larger picture with my kids when I look at them. Like, will this benefit them? Will it, like, am I am I making correct choices to protect and take care of my family? And I no longer feel bad for saying no or letting go of things that no longer serve me that I was just doing out of if it's desperation or ego or any of those things. It's it was interesting. It was something that you just naturally gravitate towards and you just kind of change it. It was one of those unexpected things to me. I'm like, wow, like the things I used to care about, I really all of a sudden
Modeling Choices For Our Kids
SPEAKER_01don't care about anymore. The things I used to grasp on for dear life, thinking that it was my identity or, you know, just things in work, even like I used it, was my identity, it was my purpose. And all of a sudden the shift happens, and you look around, you're like, I can't believe I cared so much about those things. And now I couldn't care less because I want my focus and time to be on my kids and my family.
SPEAKER_02And like, how needed is that change? It's crazy. And I love, I think it was Dr. Gabrielle Lyon, she's an amazing podcast, but she was saying she has kids as well, and she was saying, as a mom, like you can try to teach them anything, but at the end of the day, they're watching how you live your life. The way that they observe you is what you're actually teaching them. So, like, for your kids to watch you make these choices for yourself and not spread yourself so thin, run yourself dry, and just make everyone else happy. They're actually learning to do it for themselves, and how important is that? Like, that's how I want to lead, right? Like, that's how I want to parent my kids and showing them through my own life decisions how you can support yourself to be your happiest self.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that actually leads me perfectly into my next question. I was curious to ask you. What do you want, Percy? Like, how would you hope your what would you hope that your child learns from you just by watching you treat yourself or take care of yourself?
SPEAKER_02Something that's interesting, and I don't know if you felt like this when you were pregnant, but I feel like I've already like connected to my daughter's spirit very deeply. And I'm definitely woo-woo, like on the spectrum of like no to like woody woody woo. Like, I am over there. I know we both see Jess Stone, like all the I've got my no shame. Oh my god, I will scream her name from the mountaintops. She's like saved me in so many life circumstances, and I I feel like I've done a lot of work to connect so deeply to like the soul that is within me, and like so many souls that have passed around me, and who I am as a person, and I feel like my daughter and I have this like same innate light, and
Spirit, Intuition, And Choosing Joy
SPEAKER_02it's interesting because I think when I describe myself, it's nothing that I've ever been taught, it's nothing that I ever personally even observed. I think that there was just something within me, as we all have when we're born, and like when we come to this earth with such purpose, and I feel like we share it, my daughter and I. And like I cannot wait to witness that within her. And what I really want her to honor is to be herself. And I think, you know, in hindsight, looking back, I'm 30 years old now, and throughout so many of my younger years, my childhood, my high school years, college, postgrad, even early on in my career, I thought I was confident, but everything was kind of a question mark. And I love the saying, no one is you, and that's your power. And I think that like I've really encompassed that as a human being of like just doing what feels good to me and allowing that to lead and like knowing that I have such positive intentions, and like I pray to just spread goodness. Like that is my sole purpose here. Like, I want to feel good, and I want everyone around me to feel good. And I want her to trust in that same feeling, and I'm really excited for her to, yeah, to like get to watch me choose happiness every single day. And like I know today's gonna be a good day because I'm choosing for it to be a good day, and I think that's something that is rare, you know. Like I get asked all the time, like, do you have bad days? I'm like, Yeah, of course I have bad days, too. Like, I've been through some shit, and that's why I know that like I need to wake up every day and choose for it to be a good day because we can be our biggest cheerleaders in that, or we could be our own worst enemies. And I'm really grateful that Andrew and I are both such believers in that, and it's the energy of our household. It's from the second we wake up to the second we go to sleep, and there's no bullshit in that, and that is just innately like who Ange and I have like been put on earth to be, and and I feel like she has that too. And I I think that that is like the lust for life that's contagious that I just pray we get to celebrate together and like lead our days in, and just continuing to choose happiness even when it's hard, and always having each other even when it's hard, and yeah, just like bringing a lot of sunshine to this world because it shouldn't be dark, like there's always gonna be bad things going on, but even like being pregnant to me is such a miracle during such a time of like such beautiful purpose and the gift of life, and um, it's actually so interesting. We're both having girls. I was talking to my dad about this, and he was saying that when there's a lot of like hard times in the world, a lot of people have boys to like prepare for like a fight, right? Like in like the primal days, and then when there's like a wave of peace coming, there's a lot of baby girls born, and I just think it's so sweet to even think that like like girls get to be so peaceful in that way, and like these little like beacons of love. Um, not that boys are any different and like they're full of their own love, but I mean, you have a daughter and a son, like I do think that there's like a different energy to both, and I just I I feel like so much peace and sunshine coming over me, just having a little girl, and I can't wait for her to be here and even just like see all her dispositions kind of come to life, and it's crazy. Like, it's it's the best thing ever. I'm so excited.
SPEAKER_01Your little girl is so lucky to have you and Andrew, and just your perspective and
The New Book Of Life
SPEAKER_01everything that you're going to teach her and show her, and what you're feeling intuitively of like who her energy and spirit and soul is is 100% accurate. Like when I was pregnant with Aspen, I knew exactly who she was. And I, when she came to me, like I knew that she was every missing part of me, and she is like my soul baby. We're both water signs, and oh wait, we're both cancers, right? Yeah, you and me, yeah, yeah. And so anyway, she's a she's a Pisces, and she is everything that I'm not, and like fills every void, and we understand each other on a different level where I've never experienced it before, and I just I think we're both each other's like keeper, and we take care of each other, and yes, I'm there to watch her grow and help her grow, but like she came into my world when I I needed her without even knowing, and it was there was something so healing in like what you said exactly, like peaceful in that where she taught me so much about myself and who I was and my worth, and it's just the just there's I you can't even put it into words how special it is. And hearing you talk about that and like knowing what's on the other side after you give birth. I'm like, I just I can't wait. Like, I need to call you after, and we need to be like, dude, like holy cow, how crazy is life.
SPEAKER_02It's it's so insane, like what's about to just unfold. It it's so I mean, again, like to be in such a first. I've never experienced any season like this of like just so much change, so much newness, even like all the terminology, all the things that you have to learn within like 40 weeks. It's crazy. And yeah, I know my life is literally like changing and starting a whole new, like it's not a new chapter, it's a new book.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and you're like right now, you have one foot in that other side and one foot in this side, and I bet you're like kind of feeling that tug of war of like who you are and like who you're about to come become because you're so close to that other side of your of your life, and it's incredible, it's it's truly, and then you step into that side, and it was like that what you were talking about almost like that other club that you have no idea about until you enter it. Like, once you give birth, like every mom you see, you're gonna be like, We know, I get you. It is it's the coolest club to be a part of, and I'm just so happy for you and Andrew.
Excitement, Fears, And Partner Love
SPEAKER_01What are you most excited about for you and Andrew? And are you scared or nervous or intimidated about anything?
SPEAKER_02Honestly, it's so funny. Like, I should be nervous and scared because I don't know shit. Like, literally, like for anyone listening, like I literally will be the girl like on Chat GBT at three in the morning, being like, what does this mean? How do I do this? I've like bought all this stuff not knowing how to use any of it, like literally Googling everything all the time. But yeah, like as someone who truly should be so scared because I'm so clueless, I also have such trust in self and I'm so excited. Like, I I really I think I've needed this for a while. Like, I I've healed myself in so many ways, and this to me is just gonna redefine who I am as a human being in such an intrinsic way, and I can't wait to, yeah, like have two feet in on that side. I'm really excited to see Ange as a dad, and for us to even like show her how to be loved. I have such an amazing relationship with my dad, and I know the reason I was able to say yes to such an amazing man like Andrew is because my dad loved me so well from such an early age and really showed me what like very, very, very just like comforting, healthy, masculine love can look like. And I can't wait to watch Andrew's relationship with our little girl. And I also can't wait to heal my own relationship with my mom, which was like really complicated in a lot of ways. But I mean, I was her number one fan. I truly was like so enamored by my mom. She was so beautiful, her energy was intoxicating. She would come in a room and just like seal the oxygen out of it, personality larger than life, had this smile that you could see from like outer space. She was just one of one. But she also struggled a lot. And I think that, you know, like a lot of people who have any trauma in their childhood, it's always like, you know, this is what happened to me. But I think that there's another side of that coin of like, this is also what I didn't get that I needed from my mom. And I feel like I've done so much self-work of like healing that inner child and me, and you know, having like all these baby pictures around my office. I was actually just looking at them yesterday and being like, damn, like I feel like I've really nurtured that little girl who needed so much more. And I feel like I'm coming into parenthood from a place of wow, I'm not overcompensating for what I once needed and didn't have. I'm actually coming as like my full self to provide what every baby deserves. And that feels good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and like what a
Healing The Mother Line
SPEAKER_01gift it is that we get the power and control to right the wrongs or trauma or everything that our lived experience in the past and rewrite the narrative through our children. Everything that we wanted or needed or didn't get when we were kids. I find myself pouring that into my children. Like they will never feel this way because I've lived that way. And it is, it's so healing to be able to do. And it gets, I get so emotional. Like everything that I needed as a little girl, when I see myself giving it to Aspen, or I see her with the confidence that I didn't have as a little girl. I'm like, I'm so proud. Nothing makes me more proud. No matter what I accomplish in this life, and I know you'll feel the same way, like you've accomplished some huge things already. Nothing will make you feel as accomplished as bringing up this little girl and all your future kids to come. So I'm so beyond excited for you. This this conversation has been so fun. I feel like we could go on for hours and hours.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so if we're both giving birth in April, I feel like we need maybe let's give ourselves like June or July. Let's get back on here. Yeah, we gotta tap back in because there's gonna be so much more to unlock.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, we'll like have our babies in our arms, probably be like feeding or burping, and like we'll just make it messy and fun. And just like, okay, this will be the part two of like once these babies pop out, we'll we'll give you, we're gonna give ourselves like eight weeks and be like, you good, you good? Okay, we'll be sleeping.
SPEAKER_02I cannot wait. But just embracing the chaos that life is about to turn into, but like it really being the whole point.
SPEAKER_01Yes, we should do it in person when you come, maybe. Yeah, we could that would be August. Oh my gosh, yay! I'm so excited. Well, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for joining. I know we're both in the thick of the third try, and you have so much going on.
SPEAKER_02But this is like exactly what I want to be talking about, and that's what I was saying even before we hopped on here of just for everyone listening. Like, if you feel like pregnancy is taking over your whole life, it's because it is, and like it deserves the space to just like be poured into, nurtured. You are becoming a whole new woman, and yeah, it's it's such a beautiful thing. So thank you for letting me share some of my story and can't wait to do this all over again soon.
SPEAKER_01Always okay. So, where can everyone find you and
Closing, Future Part Two, And Plugs
SPEAKER_01follow along and just watch you become a mommy?
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh. I would say Instagram's probably the best. I'm at Sammy Spaulter, and I love posting literally day in and day out. It's so fun, and I just know that this is about to become like my entire Instagram. So stay tuned. Embrace it. That's a baby girl.
SPEAKER_01Embrace it. It's like you never know until you become a mom. Like, oh, now I understand why people just like constantly blast their children and talk about motherhood day in and day out. It's like it becomes your entire identity, and just embrace that.
SPEAKER_02That's gonna be my entire identity, and I can't wait. So if you're interested in that, you can find me there.
SPEAKER_01Well, I'm sure anyone listening to this podcast is interested.
SPEAKER_02If you've gotten this deep, come on, girl. You're in good company. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Come hither. Um, okay. Well, love you so much. Um thank you so much. Keep me updated. Let's be texting.
SPEAKER_02And we got this. Yes. I'll see you on the other side. That's literally the vibes right now.
SPEAKER_01All right. Well, thank you, ladies, so much for listening. Um, stay up to date with Sammy and form and everything that Sammy's building and growing. And I'll talk to you next week.
