Sash & Soul
Welcome to the "Fearlessly Authentic: Sash & Soul Podcast," the show that goes beyond the stage to prioritize mindset, wellbeing, and triumphs in the pageant journey. Each episode explores the power of embracing authenticity, sharing mindset tips, self-care strategies, and inspiring success stories to help you navigate the pageant world with confidence and resilience.
Sash & Soul
#20 Imposter Syndrome - Spoiler: It's Not Real
Imposter Syndrome. We hear about it often and we've probably experienced it. But what is it really and how do we challenge it? In our opinion, this syndrome isn't even, well, real. In this episode, we're challenging the idea of imposter syndrome altogether, what we really think it means, and how to conquer it.
We break down the feelings of inadequacy that often plague high-achieving women, and most importantly, questioning the validity of labeling someone an "imposter." We emphasize the importance of introspection and tackling limiting beliefs to build self-worth and confidence while talking about why tangible tasks might seem more appealing than the challenging inner work required for true growth.
Lila shares her journey transitioning to full-time coaching, and we open up about our individualized coaching process, specifically our Get Coached LIVE! program that allows listeners to experience real-time coaching sessions.
Embrace fear and uncertainty as we discuss navigating major life transitions and the natural feelings of discomfort they bring. While reflecting on experiences in broadcast journalism and other unexpected roles, we realize how these challenges are opportunities for growth rather than barriers. Tune in to learn strategies for showing up authentically and fearlessly while squashing to idea of imposter syndrome altogether.
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Socials: @sashandsoul | @fearlesslyauthenticcoach | @raeannajohnson
Websites: www.fearlesslyauthentic.com | www.sashandsoul.com
Email: info@fearlesslyauthenticcoach.com
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Welcome to the Fearlessly Authentic Sash and Soul podcast, the show that goes beyond the stage, prioritizing a healthy mindset, overall well-being and triumphs in the pageant journey. In each episode, we dive into the transformative power of embracing authenticity fearlessly From mindset, mastery and self-care strategies to success stories that inspire.
Speaker 2:This podcast is your go-to guide for navigating the pageant world with confidence and resilience. Join us as we embark on a journey of self-discovery, empowerment and celebrate the stories of those who fearlessly embraced their authenticity on the path to pageant success.
Speaker 1:I'm Lila Sherry and I'm Rihanna Johnson. Welcome to Sash and Soul.
Speaker 3:Hi Lila, hi Rae. Good morning, hi everyone. Welcome back. How is everyone? I hope you're doing really well. I hope you're enjoying the summer. I hope you had a safe and happy 4th of July we went to a parade.
Speaker 2:What did you do? You know absolutely nothing. It was raining pretty much all day so we didn't know if the fireworks were happening or if they weren't raining and gross in Madison, so it's kind of sad. Actually. There were a lot of kids that were trying to go out with their umbrellas, and then you see them walking back when it started to rain. I felt really bad.
Speaker 1:It was a sad fourth oh poor nuggets, I know.
Speaker 3:Oh well, today is really just a good timing for this topic. We are going to be talking about imposter syndrome.
Speaker 2:It's crazy because I just had my full week. I guess you could say like officially working as a full-time coach, even though it's been a thing for a while. But you know, doing consults, booking consults, talking with women that I haven't worked with before, like this, is all just perfect timing, which also we're plugging the fact that we give out free consults. We'd love to chat with you and it's it's no pressure, but also it's a way for us to get to know you and then a way for us to see how we can help you.
Speaker 2:So that's my spiel, that's your spiel, since we're on that topic.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so go ahead and download the app, check out all the fun things in it. You can see the FAQs about consultations and what to expect. We added that in there because there's a lot of curiosity about what a consultation actually looks like. We were just talking about this, too, before we hit record, because so much of the consultation really is just us getting to know you and in our heads as coaches, as we're talking to you and asking questions and learning more about your experiences and your successes and your setbacks, we are coming up with a game plan in our heads as coaches for you and we're going to share what we think that game plan looks like for you and then, at the end of the call, we share that plan with you and then you can decide if you want to work with us as coaches. So that's what it looks like.
Speaker 3:A consultation is not 30 minutes of us coaching you, because we just don't know you well enough to coach you at that point. We're getting to know you and coming up with a game plan because we are actually systematic. We don't just we're not a one size fits all like approach to coaching. We are very individualized, so we have to get to know you in order to know how we can best support you. So that's kind of what a consultation looks like, and today is really fun because during this particular podcast it's going to be a little bit like Get Coached Live, I think for Lila.
Speaker 2:I'm the first one on the list. I will be an example to you all. The first one on the list. I will be an example to you all. This is what you can expect from our Get Coached Live program that we have. We explain this a lot in our last episode, towards the end of our last episode. So if you're wondering about that, that is a free opportunity for you to get coached by us, because we just get so many DMs and questions from people that we just can't do justice in a text message. So, anyways, I'm number one on the list. Hi, hello.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So if after this, you're like, oh, this is interesting, I maybe want to get coached, that would be fun and I would love to do that for free and you're willing to kind of put yourself out there and allow like all the so the only people that would be able to listen to it, or anyone with the all access membership in the app. So it's kind of a more private, secluded community. It's not like we're broadcasting like your coaching episode out to everyone. But go into the app and apply, read more about it, fill out the application and we'll be in touch if we feel like the topic that you want to get coached on would be really good for the all access members to also dive into and hear about. So it's fun. I'm really I'm jazzed about it. I'm really excited.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So, all right, let's dive in, because we know that imposter syndrome is a phenomenon amongst women primarily, and so we're going to talk about the who, what, when, where, why and how the heck do we get over it in this episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, what is imposter syndrome? I think it can look different for a lot of different people, but generally to me it's this idea that because you haven't done something, or you haven't been in a space before, or you haven't experienced something or a number of things, or whatever it is, that you shouldn't be doing it or that you don't belong there or that you don't have enough experience to be doing it. Essentially, it's like because you haven't done it before, you shouldn't be doing it, because you've never done it before, or because you've never experienced XYZ before, or you don't have 10 years of experience, you only have five. That's my general, very generalized idea of it. I know it looks different for everybody, but to me that's that's what keeps coming up over and over.
Speaker 2:Is this idea that you shouldn't or can't do something because you just haven't experienced it before. You're learning or whatever. It is a new job, a new position, a promotion, being a title holder, right? I remember feeling a lot of imposter syndrome being a woman of color in Wisconsin as a title holder, first Chinese woman. That was so crazy to me and I don't feel like people really talked about that a lot, and neither did I as much as I maybe could have, but yeah, anything else to add for this definition, I guess?
Speaker 3:No, I think you, I think you pretty much covered it. Let's let's give some examples of times that we've experienced imposter syndrome. And literally we were just talking about this before we hit record as well was Lila's first week of coaching. So would you mind sharing and being a little vulnerable about the imposter syndrome that you've?
Speaker 2:been feeling it's crazy because I just said that it's something that you've never done before, never experienced before.
Speaker 2:But I've been coaching for four years and I started this week officially with Fearlessly Authentic and all of a sudden I feel like I've never done this before.
Speaker 2:I feel like I shouldn't be doing it because I don't have experience with coaching with Fearlessly Authentic or I don't have experience doing back-to-back consults with people. It's know like it's funny because this isn't new to me, like I keep saying that coaching is not new to me. I've been doing it for years and now all of a sudden I'm feeling like I shouldn't be doing it or that I'm not good enough to be doing it, like that's nuts to me. So so you could be doing something for years and then all of a sudden feel imposter syndrome because there's something new or something added, or maybe now it's just the fact that people know it's like a public thing that I've announced and now all of a sudden I'm thinking about all of the ideas that people could be having about this or what people are thinking about me as a coach, or you know all of these things and it's like, yep, here I am feeling like a total imposter going on my fifth year.
Speaker 3:Well, I think imposter syndrome is just a blanket term to use when you're experiencing any level of fear of failure or comparison or feeling intimidated. I feel like it's just this blanket statement and it's kind of doing a disservice, because when you have a blanket statement like that, you're covering it up. You can't really break down all the little pieces of what you're actually going through. So with you, Lila, we need to break down. You're not an imposter. You just said you've been coaching for five years and what we have to break down here is it's not the coaching part that you feel like an imposter about. You know what you're doing as a coach. You love it. You have 10 years of experience in pageantry. You have a degree in communications. You've got experience in broadcast journalism. You have done a number of different interviews and been very successful in interview. You've helped other women be successful too.
Speaker 3:There's all of this evidence that we can compound, on top of the accuracy, that you are a good coach and that you love coaching, the part, like you said, when something new is added to it, the part that's new that's making you feel unsettled is well, two things.
Speaker 3:Like you said that you announced it and it's public now. So we've got some fear of failure, We've got some intimidation factor because you're worried about what people are thinking of you. But then also the other aspect that's new is the consult aspect and working through like, what does it actually look like to sit down with someone and have a consultation? And and what if they don't want to work with me and like, did I do something wrong? Did I put them off somehow? So it's, it's that that makes you feel like you don't know what you're doing and that's a natural part of branching out and doing anything new. So it's a disservice to just use that blanket statement of imposter syndrome and I vote that we stop saying it at all, because it's not actually helping us break down what's going on so that we can be solution focused and resolve whatever issue there actually is and face it.
Speaker 2:Right, and I don't want to say this to sound egotistical, but I'm not an imposter in this realm. I'm not going to go into the comparison part of it, but as somebody that has competed all her life, who understands what it's like to be in competitor's shoes, there are coaches that don't know what it's like to ever compete and they're some of the most successful people. So to me it's like I have all this extra tenure basically on what it's like to be a competitor that I can't relate more to the people that I'm coaching. I know I'm not an imposter, I know my girls have done so well and I think it's really just going from. I'm only working with a few people because that's all I have the time for really, and I'm not taking new clients because that's literally just not what I'm doing right now.
Speaker 2:I was working as a journalist full time and then I was Miss Wisconsin and all this stuff. It's really just going from that and the comfortability of having those few people that I knew, and then now it's like now I have time to add new people to the roster and to create even an even bigger community and it's like that's the new part. So it's like I sit here and I'm like no, I wouldn't even say I'm an imposter. I'm not an imposter in the pageant world, I'm not an imposter as a title holder and I'm not an imposter as a coach. So you're right, Like, why don't we just stop using that word altogether? Because to me it's not true.
Speaker 3:I don't see myself as an imposter, but then everybody's going to sit here and say, oh, you have imposter syndrome. So it's not. It's not a diagnosis. It's not like right, right, right, DSM five or whatever Like it's it's. It's literally not a syndrome, right it's. We've made it up to kind of try and articulate what it is that we're feeling, but what we're feeling is just some anxiety and fear. It's our nervous system saying stop, turn around, run away, right.
Speaker 1:You don't know what this is like yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but it's not you're, you're not an imposter at all, so it's just a whole lot of I'm not enough-ness. And so then it's it's. It's not imposter syndrome, it's it's your, the way you see yourself and your worthiness and feeling worth and feeling like you belong and that you, that you, can contribute. And so you've got to, you've got to break that down, You've got to work through, like, what are the limiting beliefs that are causing me to feel this way? And that's so I want to bring this up because I think it's fascinating that.
Speaker 3:So I, a few weeks ago, I did a solo episode about service initiatives and building a platform while Lila was busy doing all some Miss Wisconsin stuff. That episode has blown up for some reason, and I was like Lila, why I really thought that the interview or mindset before competition week would really blow up and take off. And what did you say in response to that? Because, like a light bulb went off in my head when you said it and I was like, oh my gosh, it's so true. And we got to talk about this because this shouldn't be, this shouldn't be what it is.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I said in all transparency, I think it is much easier for people to be given a tangible to-do list for something like a service, initiative or a platform or an organization than it is for them to look in the mirror, look inward, do personal work, reflect on themselves and I don't know. I think that's the core of it all, because if you look at consulting or coaching, it's the same thing. It is much easier for people to sign up for a one-off mock interview or a one-off walking practice, because that's them checking something off their list, or even to sign up for a consult. They're checking something off their list. But then the next step, and the most difficult part, is then to be like okay, well, let's talk about why you feel comparison.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about why you're overthinking interview questions or feel like you can't go in depth into interview questions, or feel uncomfortable talking about something emotional because it's not this tangible to-do list, it's A something that you're constantly working on. Hello, exhibit A, me sitting here right now talking about it. But two, you got to look inward and look at the most uncomfortable parts of yourself and then like sit with it and be comfortable with it and be okay with it. So that's my theory on maybe why it's easier to click on an episode like that than it is to click on, say, what you need to know, mindset-wise, going into competition, because it's a lot more inner work and that's not a tangible to-do list and I think that's harder for people to grasp.
Speaker 3:I think that's really, really important for everyone to keep in mind, because your growth doesn't actually happen in a walking practice or in one mock interview or in a consultation. That's not where the growth happens. There's a reason that people that have gone through the most traumatic experiences become the most insightful and inspirational people it's because they're forced to grow, and sometimes you've got to put yourself in uncomfortable positions so that you can grow. Of course, consultations are going to be uncomfortable for you right now. Of course, putting yourself out there as a coach is going to be uncomfortable for you right now. Your nervous system is telling you it's dangerous and you need to run away because there's all these risks, so to speak.
Speaker 3:But you guys, I was looking at Lila earlier, just like cheesing at her. While she's like my brain is in overdrive, I'm just overthinking all the things, like blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just like cheesing at her and she's like, oh my God, why are you looking at me? Like a crazy person? Like dude, you are growing. This is so good. Like me as a coach, I'm like celebrating that you're struggling with makes me sound like some kind of a sociopath or something.
Speaker 3:Well, I guess I would be worried. I know you're going to grow and it's, it's so great. I'm so excited for us to look back on this conversation and be like, oh my gosh, why was I so afraid of that? Like I love consultations now.
Speaker 2:I know I do love them even now, and it's just this idea of, like you said, what are people thinking of me? I'm risking it all. This is a big one. My worth depends on people wanting to work with me. That hits hard, yeah. But also I was going to say I guess I would be a little bit worried if I wasn't feeling this way, because I think we all need to be humbled at some point, at any point, and this is my humbling moment. I think, even though I've had so much love and so much support and so many people that are interested that I didn't think would reach out, or you know like I still have all of this awesome support from people, that you do see the worth and do see the value. And yet it's my own, it's just my own insecurity, and it's this worthiness that is attached to something that has nothing to do with my capabilities or my value as a coach.
Speaker 3:I think I'm just going to analyze a little bit of what you just said, specifically when you said humbling, that you needed to be humbled, I think I disagree. No, I know I disagree. I don't think humbling is what you need. You're not cocky, like I would never describe you as overconfident to the point where you need to, like someone, take a pin to her head. She's just, you know, like she thinks. She's like I almost just swore, but you know anyway. Um, like no, I don't see that.
Speaker 3:But I think what's happening anytime that you're putting yourself into an uncomfy situation is a gut check. That's all it is. It's like, okay, you have to turn inward and make sure that you are doing all the things that you say you're doing. It's an opportunity for you to look at and analyze your performance, your level of your performance, your level of ability, and to really make sure that you're still always striving for better. So if that's what you mean by humbling like oh, I've still got plenty of space to grow then yeah, that's great. But you know that I don't ever want to misuse the word humble, because I believe in humble confidence. We preach humble confidence in Fearlessly Authentic. So I think it's more just a gut check for you anytime that you are putting yourself out there like that.
Speaker 3:And the other thing that you really need to keep in mind and check yourself on is am I looking at this from a fixed mindset or from a growth mindset? And check yourself on is am I looking at this from a fixed mindset or from a growth mindset? Because fixed mindset is dangerous. Fixed mindset is the mindset where you just kind of think that you're supposed to be good at things and if you're not, you're somehow failing. Growth mindset is you're looking at challenges and seeing opportunity to grow and to learn and find some kind of excitement in that or some level of comfort in knowing that you're just in a space of growth right now and that's good and eventually you're going to look back and appreciate the work that you had to put in to grow because otherwise you wouldn't have evolved and you wouldn't have elevated. So check yourself on.
Speaker 3:What mindset are you approaching any kind of fear or anxiety or quote unquote imposter syndrome with? Are you looking at it from a fixed mindset or from a growth mindset? Because that's going to be a big tell as to what you need to do with it. Moving forward, Chances are. If you're looking at it from a growth mindset, you're not feeling the imposter syndrome as much you might be, but at least you're feeling like you still like it's not you Like. It's not that you just suck or that you're not worthy or that you're not good enough. Right, it's that you have growing to do and that's exciting because that's life, right.
Speaker 2:Something I do keep telling myself or asking myself whenever I feel this weird icky yuck overthinking do my actions align with my intentions and my values? And if they do, I'm probably on the right track. If they do, I'm probably on the right track, even if it's uncomfortable, even if it's new, even if it feels like I shouldn't be doing it. I know the value that I want to bring, I know my intentions in bringing that value and if my actions align with that, then I need to sit back and chill out because of course, it's going to feel uncomfortable, it's new, I don't know. And I and also I wrote this down as we were kind of talking about solutions before this call like to imposter syndrome and I mean, I don't think there needs to be a solution to something that we don't think like really exists, for lack of a better word. But nobody did anything by saying they shouldn't do it because they've never done it before. Say that again.
Speaker 2:Nobody did anything successful in this world or accomplished anything by saying that they shouldn't do it because they've never done it before. That, to me, is so telling. And where would our world be if we decided that because somebody hasn't done something before, that they shouldn't do it. That's crazy. It's like telling a baby to not walk because they have never walked before, or telling a kid that they shouldn't ride a bike because they've never ridden a bike before. Now I'm sitting here looking at myself like are you kidding me? Like you're fine, you know. This actually really helped. So yeah, and I guess I hope that helps somebody like write that down on a Post-it note and tape it to my forehead because, come on, you know, nobody ever got anywhere by saying that they shouldn't do it because they've never done it before.
Speaker 3:Right, right, exactly.
Speaker 3:I think normalizing being afraid is important too, and acknowledging that sometimes we're afraid, sometimes things are scary, the unknown is scary, and being okay with feeling that way.
Speaker 3:I think that's a lot of like therapy work, especially for me, honestly, with um, with my borderline personality disorder struggle that I have. Um, so much of my therapy work is practicing getting comfortable in yucky feelings like fear or sadness or anger or regret, like any of those yucky feelings I tend to like judge myself for, and then I spiral because I don't want to be feeling them. It's like I want to crawl out of my own skin but I can't, I'm just stuck in it. And so a lot of my work is practicing being okay in those feelings and sitting with them, and I think that's important for anyone that's struggling with feeling like they're not enough or feeling like they don't belong in a certain space, or that they're afraid of failure because they're trying something new. Be okay with being afraid. There's value in that. So I think that's one way to approach overcoming any level of I'm going to call it something else. It's a blanket statement imposter syndrome.
Speaker 2:Right, I know it just feels wrong even saying it. I'm just done with this idea that we're telling women that they're imposters anywhere. We historically have seen way too many spaces and places where women are not included, right or told to be something else or do something else or be something different. Like I'm just sick of that. I'm. I am, oh yeah. Like if we only did the things, that we had examples of people that were doing it, we would not have moved past the 1800s.
Speaker 2:Like we got to get past this idea that we shouldn't not being seen in certain spaces or not allowed in certain spaces. Like can we just not with that? I'm so sick of it, I'm so done with it and I think that we're making a lot of strides in this world in general. Like let's just not tell ourselves that we're imposters at all. We're doing something new, we're doing something that maybe hasn't been done before, or we're learning something. Okay, that's great. Every single person should be doing those things all the time. It's not imposter syndrome. Like bye, I don't even want to hear it anymore. Be done with that. Don't tell yourself that it's a way to stay in a fixed mindset quite frankly, what is an imposter?
Speaker 3:Great question. Why did the lyrics will the real Slim Shady please stand up? It just popped into my head. Anyway, let's define what an imposter is. It's someone pretending to be something they're not right, or to be someone they're not. So if you feel like you have this quote unquote syndrome that doesn't actually exist, of imposter syndrome, it's the feeling of you pretending to be someone that you're not. And how would we?
Speaker 2:ever grow if we never changed or developed or like I thank God I am not the same person that I was in high school or that I was in college and that I am a different person now, because where would this world be if we never changed from, like our middle school, high school selves? And that's not being an imposter.
Speaker 3:You know the best way to never be an imposter? I'm laughing at myself.
Speaker 2:What are you going to say?
Speaker 3:Is to always show up as fearlessly, authentically yourself. That's it, all right. Episode over.
Speaker 2:I know, I feel like. I feel like I guess the whole point of this is imposter syndrome exists to keep people in a bubble, or to keep people fixed in a space, or even to allow somebody to feel like, give them an out in doing something that they want to do. Like, how easy would it be. It would be sad for me, but how easy would it be if I was like I have imposter syndrome, something's wrong with me, I'm not going to do this anymore because I feel this way. It makes sense, like, yeah, I have this syndrome. Yep, I can't do it. Yeah, that'd be easy. It'd be much easier for me to just right, like, but I would, I would be sad and I, you know, like, I don't know it. Just, I feel like I keep talking in circles, but it's silly now, the more that we talk about it, why it's even a thing.
Speaker 3:Did you feel like an imposter when you started um in broadcasting broadcast journalism.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a little bit. Okay. It's funny because I you always start. Most of the time you always start in a position where you're behind the scenes and you learn all of that because you can't really broadcast without knowing everything that's going on behind the scenes. And, contrary to popular belief, like broadcast, anybody that you see on TV probably does the job of everybody behind the scenes too. So that's normally where you start out.
Speaker 2:And it's funny because the day that I was going on air for the first time as a morning live reporter, I had no idea that that was the day that I was going on air. I thought I was still shadowing, I thought that I was still learning and all of a sudden they're like it's debut day. Are you ready? At like three o'clock in the morning and I was like, oh my God, nobody told me. Well, they did. I don't think I checked my email that day. So it's funny that you say that, because I almost didn't have time to feel like an imposter. It was like you're doing it now, do it. I definitely looked back at some of my first hits and I was like that was bad or that wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. They actually were never that bad, but, like I don't know, you feel like an imposter when you start working in the news, but at some point you're thrown into things so quickly that you don't really have time to think about it. At least for me that was the case.
Speaker 1:But then what does that say?
Speaker 2:Then I was never. You know what I mean. Then it's like if you're not sitting here overthinking everything, then you don't feel like an imposter. Like what does that tell you? So anyways, I had a very unique experience with going on air and being introduced to that world very quickly. I'm sure it happens. I definitely felt crazy walking into my first day working at the news station because I sat there and I was like you guys are trusting me with this. Like me, little old me, you're trusting me with the news.
Speaker 3:But yeah, Um, but yeah, I remember feeling really uncomfy and like out of sorts when I started my first job after being Miss Wisconsin.
Speaker 3:So I gave up my title in 2015 and then I started with a local food bank, uh, here in Milwaukee and I was the community relations manager and they they had hired me after meeting me as Miss Wisconsin at an event and it felt weird and out of sorts for me, because being Miss Wisconsin is a very different energy than working in an office for a nonprofit and like organizing events and the volunteers and the local food drives, things like that. Like it was just a very, very different experience. And I remember feeling like almost having like an identity, not crisis, but like upset of like who am I, what am I doing, how do I behave? So I think, in that way, feeling a little bit like an imposter, like that's probably a lot of it when we're starting something new and we're not comfortable with it, we feel out of sorts, we feel like we're pretending to be someone that we're not. Feel out of sorts. We feel like we're pretending to be someone that we're not, but I think that's also just a normal part of growth.
Speaker 2:Right, Of course we feel like we're not that person because we've never done it before. We've never been that person before. Why would I feel like a broadcast journalist if I had never been one before, Of course? Why would I feel like a skateboarder if I've never skateboarded before?
Speaker 3:Like, come on you know, yeah, like I'm not going to feel like an Olympic gymnast right now, right, because I'm not.
Speaker 2:I love watching them go team USA, that's right.
Speaker 2:I would never feel that way, yeah, yeah. So I guess the more we talk about this, the more silly I feel talking about it, and I hope that you all can kind of recognize how silly it is to not silly to feel the way that you're feeling, because I'm sitting here and feeling that, but silly that we're telling ourselves that we are an imposter in any way, or that we shouldn't do something because we've never done it before, or that we need to back away because we feel uncomfortable because we've never done it before, or we feel comparison, or we feel intimidated Again. Nobody ever did anything in this world if they decided that they wouldn't do it, or they couldn't do it because they've never done it before. Yep, I'm going to end it on that, and I think that we need to continue to tell ourselves that every single day. Because now, going through all of this, what is imposter syndrome? Why do we feel this way? When do we feel this way? Now I'm sitting here like isn't it just called growth? Why aren't we just calling it growth and learning?
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, exactly, a hundred percent. I just would really think we need to start a movement of never using that term ever again, because it's not a real syndrome, it's not a thing, it's a blanket statement and I think we need to start facing what we're actually feeling. Let's not label it as imposter syndrome, this thing that is fictional and doesn't exist. Let's start labeling the feelings that we're having, because if we can label the feelings we're having and recognize those feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness, discomfort, like label the feeling that you're having because then you can do something with that, but we can't do anything with calling it this fictional disease.
Speaker 2:It almost yeah, it almost just gives yourself the out to not have to face what you're feeling or to not have to continue or grow or do things. If that's what you want to do, that's on you. But I'm sick of us telling women that and giving women the out what's the out that it gives them. Telling yourself that you have imposter syndrome, so like I'm just not going to go for my goals or I'm not going to feel the uncomfortableness of growing or not be comfortable with feeling intimidated because there are other people in this field or around me that have more experience. Like that's just. That's just you giving yourself the OK to. I don't want to say give up, but in some ways yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah Say, like saying that you have imposter syndrome Is avoiding, like, the reality of what's actually happening.
Speaker 2:Right, it sounds like you're sick and you need to stay home for a few days, like you know, it's also normalizing this idea that women don't belong in certain spaces.
Speaker 3:Right, like, let's stop normalizing that that. How often do we hear men talk about having imposter syndrome? Why? Why don't we hear men talking about having imposter syndrome? Because they just show up and they feel like they belong there. Can we just start doing that Easier said than done, I know, because there's all these other nuances to it that we talked about and broken it down, but can we just, man, can we just start thinking that way? Instead, everyone, just like unscrew the top of your head, take out this other like thought process that you used to do, the thing that's not serving you, and just insert this new thing that I'm telling you to always think now, which is that you always belong. Okay, problem solved. My work here is done. You can Venmo me the tax, pay the tax, yeah, all right.
Speaker 3:Well, I don't know that there's much more we can say about that is, if you are struggling with this feeling of not belonging or that you're not enough, then you need to get coached on that, because you need to uncover what the limiting beliefs are and work through those limiting beliefs. Earlier in this conversation, we talked about why you love. The service initiative calls so much, but not so much the inner work, because you've got all these checkbox things that you can do. Here's the thing I have actually developed my program so that the mindset work actually includes some checkboxes, things that you can actually do step-by-step to work through some of these limiting beliefs and build your own confidence and overcome this idea that you don't belong or that you're not enough or that you can't succeed because of X, y, z. So, yeah, it's not easy work to work on changing the way you think, but it is possible and it's really incredible once you finally get the hang of it and start living your life that way, because things just start working out for you and opportunities start clicking into place and it truly, like it changes everything.
Speaker 3:And I'm speaking from experience. I'd say the same yeah, and I will never deny having fear and anxiety and mindset glitches and my own limiting beliefs. I mean, lila, and I talk about that all the time. I've talked about it here on this show. I think it's really important for you to hear from us you know, to overhear behind the mic talking about what our vulnerabilities are as well, because we got to normalize this stuff. We really need to normalize it and show that you can work through it and empower yourself by doing the hard work, because it's doing the hard work that causes the growth.
Speaker 2:It's also really fun to see yourself a few months down the line, or to recognize when you're starting to think differently than you were before because you have been doing this work. It's really cool and really empowering when you get to a place where you see yourself now and then you're like, wow, that wouldn't have been me six months ago or that wouldn't have been me a year ago, and how awesome is it to feel that way. There's very few things in life that give you that kind of confidence boost, quite frankly, and then that like long-term empowerment that you feel within yourself and knowing that if you're able to conquer yourself, there's nothing that you can't do. I really believe that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I agree, lila. Can you think back to when we first started working together, when I was coaching you as you were preparing for Miss Wisconsin? Can you think back to the journey and the process for your mindset to start shifting? Because I think I think it's just important to talk about how it feels really scary and people avoid doing that hard, like internal work, because it's scary to face that stuff or it can be painful. That's why I think a lot of people really avoid therapy because they think it's just going to be like so painful and so hard. But can you think back to what your journey was actually like when you first started the mindset work?
Speaker 2:Oh, I started as an anxious little bean that wanted nothing but to feel good about my goals, about my goals. I had this drive because I had so many years of being anxious about competing, feeling like I couldn't reach my goals because I was getting in my own way and just caring so much about who was around me during all of this. I got to a point where I was just so fed up with feeling that way and, quite frankly, this was a safe space for me. Right, it was, and there's very few like interview coaches for pageants or whatever it is, or communications coaches that are, that are open and willing to talk about things like limiting beliefs or comparison or self-doubt, like in depth and to an extent. Right, every coach is going to hopefully be encouraging and hype you up and give the pep talks, but nobody actually gets down to the level of, like me, being able to sit on a call and just like absolutely losing it because I feel like I could never be a Miss Wisconsin of color. Like we need more people that are willing to talk about that. Because the walking you get a walking practice Cool. Like you get comfortable with speaking on stage Cool. But then at what point does any of that matter anymore when I don't feel like my core being is worthy of being the title holder that I was, and so I like I really just got to a point where I was like I just don't care anymore. I don't care about this idea that I'm not good enough or that I'm whatever. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to feel good and to feel confident when I walk into an interview room and I know that not everybody gets to that point but I challenge you to ask yourself is it going to feel better to continue being in whatever space that you are in and struggling with whatever you're struggling with, or struggle with the growth that is then going to help you not feel that initial comparison and all that yucky stuff? To me, I chose.
Speaker 2:Here's the thing, and there's this kind of like, this cliche thing that I see on social media a lot, where it's like you either struggle with um God, how do I word this? Like you either struggle with exercising every day, or you struggle with the health problems that come after you don't exercise, or you either struggle with eating the healthy foods, and that's a struggle, or you struggle. You know, like things like that, you there's. There's a struggle one way or the other and it's that's kind of conditional. But you get what I'm saying and to me it was yeah, and to me right, and I was like, okay, well, I could either struggle with continuing to feel like crazy anxiety and crazy comparison and just not feeling good enough. I could either struggle with that or I could choose to struggle with the work that I need to do in order to not feel that way.
Speaker 2:That was kind of my mentality going into it. You're going to have to put in the work. Either way. You either put a lot of energy into feeling yucky or you put a lot of energy into the growth that you need in order to not feel that way anymore. I'm kind of ranting and going on a tangent, but that was my mentality and when it started to click like, I think when it was maybe a month in like, it took a few weeks for me to kind of get the hang of like what the idea of limiting beliefs even were. I didn't even know what that was. Keep yourself in check when you're not on coaching calls or when I, when I started to like hear your this sounds crazy, but like, hear your voice sometimes when you weren't around, of like. And when I say that I don't mean I was like hearing voices in my head, but like I know I'm laughing, because you are not the first client that has said that.
Speaker 2:Really, yes, you had yourself feeling a certain way or telling yourself something, and then all of a sudden it's like but no, and this is actually what it is instead, or this is actually how I can help myself, instead, like I don't know, once that clicked, I would never go back, I wouldn't trade that for the world. I hope that everybody gets to a point where they feel empowered in that way and I don't know, like you said it, just it changes everything. And then you get to a point where it's like I could never not do this, like I still sometimes come to you and I'm like, ah, mindset check, like maybe should we do that and like this was kind of my way, like this we joke about this being me getting coached, but in some ways, this was very therapeutic for me because I would just I would never go back to not having that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, um, was it as scary or painful as you thought it was going to be? To like face all that to the limiting beliefs.
Speaker 2:No, and I think that obviously people are going to be like well, of course she's going to say it's not as painful, it just wasn't Like, it was seriously a lot more fun.
Speaker 3:Yeah, cause we're not focusing on the yuck, the yuck. We're not focusing on the yuck. We're focusing on the solutions. We're focusing on, well, what's actually accurate? What is? What's the evidence that shows that you are good enough? What's the evidence that shows that you are capable of this? Like we're, we're looking at all of these things that feel good. So it's actually not as painful as you'd think it would be, because it's not like we're dissecting all the trauma or the yuckiness that you've experienced in the past, or the things that people have said to you, or like the nasty thoughts that you think about yourself and the way that you're mean to yourself. We're not focusing on any of that. I don't want to do that. I don't even do that in therapy. Like in therapy, I'm being focused with my therapist too, so it's like I just it's not as scary or as painful as you'd think it would be that's a great way to put it.
Speaker 2:I were not. There were so many times where I came to you and I was in that mindset of like why am I feeling this way? I'm dissecting everything and blah, blah, blah, and you'd literally be like put that crap in the corner and let it stay in the corner.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was like, oh, like I, so I don't have to ruminate on this 24, seven to grow. You know you don't and you're right Like I saved that for my therapist, but it wasn't. It's not that type of mindset we're not mental health professionals Like we ultimately want you to feel good. And no, it was not as scary, it was so much fun. I tell you this sometimes too, and I feel silly, but sometimes I wish I could go back and do it all over again, just to feel the newness of it.
Speaker 2:When you read a good book for the first time and you're like, oh, I wish I could go back and experience that for the first time again. Or like, oh, I wish I could go back and experience that for the first time again. Or a good movie I wish I could go back and experience a good movie for the first time again. That's how I feel with the mindset work. I remember doing the fundamentals course, where it's just online and you're just walking through stuff and you're talking about things kind of like slideshow, and I remember just vigorously taking notes and being so excited about all of it and like all of this new information that I'd never heard of before. So, yeah, like yeah, I just I do wish that sometimes I could go back and experience it for the first time again, which is why I'm here now as a coach, so that I can give that experience to as many people as I possibly can.
Speaker 3:Yes, and that's the intention. I love it.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:Well, I think if it wasn't fun, we wouldn't be sitting here doing this podcast together right now.
Speaker 2:Right and you can tell that we're like smiling through this. You know, I know that we have really serious topics and this can be a serious topic, that we're talking about serious topics and this can be a serious topic that we're talking about, but I hope that the fun comes through because it's not that serious in a roundabout way, like the stuff that we talk about can be. It is serious in the realm of working on yourself, right Like, but at the same time it's not. We're just it's not that serious, if that makes sense.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it does make sense that I find this fun because I really enjoy personal growth. I really really enjoy introspection and learning and developing my own skills personally. So of course I'm going to say it's fun because, I like doing it Same, but you didn't know you liked doing it Same. Yep, but you didn't know you liked doing it until you did it. So there's that.
Speaker 2:And I also don't meet a lot of people that do it and then say that they didn't like it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's the people that have never done it before that are afraid of it, that are like no, but the ones that have been through it and have done it. I've never heard of somebody being like actually I wouldn't do that again. Sorry, never heard of it First time for everything, but to this point hasn't happened yet.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and if they didn't like it, maybe they didn't have, like, maybe they weren't doing it right, like, maybe it wasn't actually what, like what we call mindset work, right, yeah, crazy, cool, awesome. Well, we will no longer ever say the syndrome that shall not be named um, that isn't actually a syndrome. Ever again, we're gonna break down what's actually going on for ourselves emotionally and we are going to be in a growth mindset so that we can focus on the elevation and expansion that we are experiencing as beautiful, wonderful human beings that are worthy of that growth and of happiness and joy.
Speaker 2:And with that, I will bid you adieu. Should I name this episode, the syndrome that shall not be named? I kind of think so. We'll see, we'll see, I'll play around with it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, happy Friday. Be well, we'll talk to you next week.
Speaker 1:Oh and thank you for 20 episodes? Yeah, so much fun. Yes.
Speaker 2:All right, lila. Okay, talk to you soon. Okay, bye, Bye. Hey everyone, we're so excited to provide a new and exclusive opportunity for our listeners A live coaching opportunity with Rayanna and I here on Sash and Soul that is completely free to apply and participate. If you have a topic question or just need some advice, download the Fearlessly Authentic app and fill out the Get Coached Live application. If you're approved, we'll invite you to an exclusive podcast recording addressing your specific needs. This featured series in the Sash and Soul exclusives will be available only in the Fearlessly Authentic app, so be sure to download, apply and find more information on our website and social media. We can't wait to chat with you.
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