Sash & Soul
Welcome to the "Fearlessly Authentic: Sash & Soul Podcast," the show that goes beyond the stage to prioritize mindset, wellbeing, and triumphs in the pageant journey. Each episode explores the power of embracing authenticity, sharing mindset tips, self-care strategies, and inspiring success stories to help you navigate the pageant world with confidence and resilience.
Sash & Soul
#21 When Physical Health Affects Mental Health
Ever found yourself drowning in a sea of to-do lists while trying to take care of yourself physically? It could be a health scare, mental health crisis, or chronic illness that comes at the worst times, especially when we're preparing for competition.
Here on Sash & Soul, Lila shares a little about her own health scares recently and candid experiences about the idea of staying productive through health crises.
Raeanna opens up about her personal journey through a family tragedy, emphasizing the need for self-care and empathy, not just for others, but for ourselves. We discuss how these personal challenges shape our approach to coaching, as we strive to be authentic and compassionate mentors. This episode illustrates the importance of prioritizing well-being over professional duties and treating ourselves with the same kindness we extend to close friends.
We explore the art of balancing productivity with self-care, and the relatable struggle of managing time-sensitive health needs. This isn’t just about ticking off tasks on a list. It’s about listening to our bodies and embracing ourselves amidst the chaos. Join us for a heartfelt conversation filled with actionable insights to help you navigate your own path to authenticity and balance.
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Socials: @sashandsoul | @fearlesslyauthenticcoach | @raeannajohnson
Websites: www.fearlesslyauthentic.com | www.sashandsoul.com
Email: info@fearlesslyauthenticcoach.com
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Welcome to the Fearlessly Authentic Sash and Soul podcast, the show that goes beyond the stage, prioritizing a healthy mindset, overall well-being and triumphs in the pageant journey.
Speaker 2:In each episode, we dive into the transformative power of embracing authenticity fearlessly From mindset mastery and self-care strategies to success stories that inspire. This podcast is your go-to guide for navigating the pageant world with confidence and resilience. Join us as we embark on a journey of self-discovery, empowerment and celebrate the stories of those who fearlessly embraced their authenticity on the path to pageant success. I'm Lila Sherry and I'm Rihanna Johnson.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Sash and Soul. Everyone welcome back.
Speaker 3:Welcome back to Sash and Soul. Hi, lila, how are you? Hi, I'm okay, doing okay In all transparency. I'm sitting in a robe right now, so one one robe that Ray gave me actually. So we're chugging through the day. We will change at some point and I do shower, so like it's fine that was my one thing.
Speaker 1:She's like I promise I change out of this robe at some point because, like the last three times that I've talked to her, she's been hanging out in this robe and I'm like, look, I'm glad you enjoy it. I have a robe that I also hang out in all the time and as long as, like, hygiene is there and she's like I brush my teeth, I take a shower, it's all good and we're good. Just do you. It's the summertime.
Speaker 1:It's all good, then we're good. Just do you. It's the summertime, you get to do whatever you want. Thanks, you're a has-been. You get to do whatever you want. Sit in your robe all day, if you want.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Just to. Nobody cares what I'm wearing now.
Speaker 1:Nobody cares. And, honestly, if I didn't know, I that looks like a shirt to me. I outed myself Because I wouldn't have recognized the robe that I bought you from Target, right? Oh my gosh, today has been a day of just like trying to get all the things done on my to-do list, things that I've been putting off. You guys, like just appointments that I need to book, like I have my psychiatry appointments and my doctor's always like, okay, when should we meet again? And we're always like, okay, how about like six, six to eight weeks? And then she's like, okay, get the number of call and schedule an appointment. And then I don't. And then I'm like, oh, shoot, I need a prescription refill.
Speaker 1:So I'm like doing that, scheduling the OB appointment, scheduling the dentist appointment, and then my husband and I are going to Italy for our one-year anniversary. So we've got all these other things. Like, guys, we're going to draft a will. That's so crazy to me, but making sure that all my beneficiary stuff is updated and drafting a will as husband and wife, just in case, because you never know, and my family's been through enough tragedy that like we don't want to put anyone through. You know the mess, because it's such a mess afterwards, but yeah, it's just been, it's been one of those mornings for me, like I got up, started drinking coffee. I'm on like cup number five, staying motivated. Here we are, we're just, we're doing life, we're adulting today motivated.
Speaker 3:Here we are. We're just, we're doing life, we're adulting. Today, I feel like I have had a complete opposite morning when it comes to productivity. It's just been like we're talking about physical health today and I'm dealing with a few physical health things, especially this past week or so, and I'm on a lot of time-sensitive medications and antibiotics, so I have to set alarms pretty much throughout the night, which really sucks. So I haven't slept more than a normal amount night's sleep in probably over a week, which is also really difficult. So, yeah, I've not been productive and I just sleep between all of these alarms and I never actually feel fully rested and whatever It'll be over in like another week or so.
Speaker 3:But the dichotomy of where you're at and where I'm at is really funny right now. But it makes sense. Look at what we're talking about today. It all kind of aligns. We always try to talk about stuff that is at least somewhat relevant to what either we're going through or what we're experiencing with clients or whatever it is, because I think it's a lot easier to be real that way. So that's where we're at.
Speaker 1:This is how we live out Fearlessly. Authentic is we take our own personal lived experiences and ways that we can relate to our clients on really personal levels and bring it to you guys. The feedback that we get from you guys is that you appreciate the real and rawness of our conversations and then it feels like we're all just like hanging out having coffee or wine, whichever mood you're in, and this morning it's coffee. We're not to the wine yet, but tonight I'm watching Bachelorette with a girlfriend of mine, so we might have a little bit of wine.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's going to be good. We might have a little bit of a deadline. Yes, it's going to be good, but anyway. So we really try and live out and practice what we preach by being real and vulnerable and transparent as much as we're comfortable doing, because we also practice staying in our safe space as well, when it comes to just publicly airing out our laundry Like it's craziness. But I want to challenge you on something already, lila. It's something that you said. You said you're not being productive, one of the things we're going to talk about today. I literally just said this to her before we hit record, as I was like well, here's my like outline that I'm thinking of.
Speaker 3:It's so, oh my gosh, it's very subconscious to me. I like really didn't even I didn't try to do that, like that was not set up. I that's kind of crazy, actually. Now I'm sitting here looking at myself.
Speaker 1:I do it too, though, like I like when I am feeling down, when I'm having like a depressive episode, I'm just exhausted for whatever reason. Um, or I'm not feeling well. That's the first thing that I get frustrated with myself, like I'm not being for whatever reason, or I'm not feeling well, that's the first thing that I get frustrated with myself. Like I'm not being productive right now, and we say it to ourselves all the time. But what I want to challenge in this episode today, when we're talking about like your physical health and wellbeing and your mindset, is flipping the script on what it actually means to be productive, and that productivity sometimes looks like rest.
Speaker 3:Especially when it comes to physical health. I mean that's just, that's no joke, that's nothing to play around with. I really, really know that after this last week that without physical health, like you really have nothing. I mean you just it's not. It should be priority number one for everybody.
Speaker 3:And so those that are going through physical health like I think it's a really toxic culture, especially in the States, when all of it is work and how much work you do and then what work you do. I mean think about it. There are people from other countries that come to the U S and they're like why is all your small talk, like, what do you do for work? Who cares? And that is just such a whole, a whole nother thing that we could talk about.
Speaker 3:But I think it's a really we've created a really toxic culture around work and around productivity. And so it's really interesting because I hope that we keep this in mind that when you go to other countries and other cultures, people will ask you like what makes you happy, what are some of your favorite things, what does your family look like? And those are the important parts of their lives, and that's their kind of small talk. And when it comes to here. It's like person equals the work that they do and I hate it. So I think that's a huge, a huge part of it is like we even sacrifice our physical health for that, and to me it's just. I mean, you can't do anything from a hospital bed, so it just I don't know. It puts a lot of things into perspective.
Speaker 1:Well, actually I'm thinking, as you're talking, about being in other countries and different cultures. We're speaking from our experience, from American culture, but we're a global podcast. We have listeners all over the world, and so I'd love to hear from any of you guys that are not here in America that are listening, like reach out, let us know, like, how your culture differs or how it's similar in that, like the American values of the American dream, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, american made, like the things that we are constantly being told like push through pain, no pain, no gain. Constantly being told push through pain, no pain, no gain, the value of never taking a sick day, all these things that are so deeply ingrained in our identity as Americans, and how that really just causes more problems for us when it comes to our own physical health and our mental health. And the two kind of go hand in hand, which we can talk about today too, like when you're not feeling physically well, your mental wellness goes downhill at the same time, and oftentimes, when you're pushing through high stress or pushing through and still like running ragged when you're not mentally feeling well will cause physical ailments.
Speaker 1:The two really go hand in hand. So it's just really fascinating to think about our culture versus other cultures. You think about the other countries in the world that have higher happiness ratings than we do. And why is that? And it's because, like you said, lila, they value different things outside of work. They value the things that are wholesome, the things like family, the things like hobbies, the things that bring you joy, and there's really something to be said for that that I think we, as Americans, could really take to heart.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I mean, this even popped up in my head, this even popped up in my head. From age 12 and under, they're giving out perfect attendance awards at the dance studio, and we've been born and bred to equate our worth and our value to how much work or productivity, or how often we are like going to a place I don't know how else to say it, but it's a little bit sad actually, because I think when you have health scares and when you have situations where, all of a sudden, the only thing at the forefront of your mind is your physical health and that if you don't get that fixed, nothing else will follow, and when you have those kinds of experiences, it puts a lot into perspective. Like I remember thinking last week, all of the stuff that I cared about before this not all a lot of the little stuff, let me say not all a lot of the little stuff that I cared so much about before this health scare I just don't care. I just don't effing care about any of it anymore, and so I think it just it puts a lot into perspective.
Speaker 3:And so remembering that once, once you get to a point where, like all of a sudden, you're really worried about your physical health and none of this other stuff matters. Did it really matter in the first place? Like that's kind of how I see it. So, anyways, let's like actually get into how it could affect our mental, because it's difficult when you're bedridden, or I think of people with chronic illnesses that are battling health issues every day. Right, like it doesn't have to be one big scare. You're constantly working on your physical health. I mean that takes a toll on you mentally.
Speaker 1:It really does and I see it in clients, you see it in clients, we see it in ourselves all the time. When we were reaching, kind of the last month of preparation before state competitions, I had a couple of clients that were getting sick, like one had the flu and another had like some kind of a digestion situation, infection or something, and their frustration with not being able to do the things that they had on their preparation plan, like the daily tasks of going to the gym or joining a group coaching call or going to a mock interview that they had planned, or doing walking practice or being able to sing if that was their talent the toll that that took on them, of making them feel like they weren't doing enough and that they were somehow falling behind and wouldn't be prepared for state competition and to reach their goals. It was that pressure that they were feeling of the time crunch and the inability to do all the things that they had prepared and planned to do that was causing such a glitch in their mindset, of making them feel like somehow they weren't going to do well, they weren't going to reach their goals, just because they had this setback, and we can find ourselves feeling like almost this despair of not being able to see. It's like we have like the horse blinders on of all we can see is the yuck that we're feeling, the illness, the inability to be productive quote, unquote and we sit in that and don't realize that we're going to bounce back. And I think that's the thing that is really important in terms of the way we talk to ourselves when we are ill or when we are injured, is that it's not forever. You're going to bounce back.
Speaker 1:I had a similar situation with myself all last summer Actually, it was really in the spring last year, 2023, after my brother died in a car accident. It was like two months before state competitions and I was feeling this pressure of trying to be the best coach that I could be, meanwhile going through this very significant trauma and tragedy in my own personal life and having to actually practice giving myself grace, which we're going to talk about today too like what does grace actually look like for yourself? Not just saying the word I'm trying to give myself grace, but actually practicing it, putting it into action, actually practicing it, putting it into action. And for me at that time it looked a lot like daily reminders, hourly reminders, reminders by the minute, literally sitting for seconds and just trying to just constantly think about how this is not forever.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be okay, I'm going to work through this, and it's okay that it's going to take some time to do that. But this is not forever. And just because I'm experiencing this, just because I'm not feeling well right now, doesn't mean that I'm still not a good person, doesn't mean that I'm not doing good things for the world and that taking the time to heal in the way that I needed to was going to allow me to bounce back the way that I needed to, was going to allow me to bounce back faster than if I tried to keep pushing through.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think that is really important. It's so hard for us, especially preparing for competition. I relate so much right now to the feeling like a good coach because I'm going through health stuff. A few of my girls are competing like in a matter of a few weeks and I'm like I was kicking myself for a long time, like, of course this is happening now. Of course when it rains, it pours, you know.
Speaker 3:But at the same time, who would I be if I didn't get any of that fixed and figured out and gotten the help that I needed from the doctors and what? Where would I have been in three weeks when they were competing? You know, like it just you just have to do it for yourself. And I think giving when it comes to giving yourself grace. I kept reminding myself like what if this was Logan in this situation? Or what if it was a close friend? Or what if it was you, ray? How would I have handled that and how would I have talked to you or wanted you to heal yourself first? Because, putting it in that perspective, it's like I would not be telling Logan get up and get in your desk and call the clients and make these quotes and all this stuff Like I would never, and so to tell myself that feels a little bit silly and really mean actually to be able to be doing that to yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a lot of times you have to ask yourself am I being mean to myself? Like there's? There have been multiple times where I've said to Lila Ooh, that sounded kind of mean, lila, about yourself. I'll call it out for my clients too, like my therapist has done for me, like that's how I learned how to do that. By the way, it was like and I love it because I do it to myself Like, oh, that was mean, um, but I, like I can hear the judgment sometimes too and I'll be like oh, that's a little judgy of yourself, like anytime you hear the word like I should do this or I should do that, or you know, things like the very judgmental terms are just harsh and they're not helpful.
Speaker 1:But I want to ask you, lila, because you were there with me last year. You were there with me when my brother passed away. You were one of my clients. You were preparing for Miss Wisconsin and I was very honest with all of you guys. At first I didn't disclose everything that was going on, but I tried to make up for not being able to be at sessions because of the personal stuff I had going on and I brought in somebody else to handle some of the group coaching calls and things like that, and I asked if you guys would be willing to just keep the group coaching calls but just do your own thing and have a good call together, kind of coach each other, which I think was a really awesome opportunity for you guys. But but I mean, in response to what you were saying earlier, how did you feel toward me and about me as your coach when I was unable to be the coach that I had been because of the things that I had going on in my personal life?
Speaker 3:hear that somebody is going through something physically or a tragedy like that, it I hope that we can at least kind of put ourselves in that person's shoes and realize that, like, yeah, a few group calls this week is not the priority, you know, and that was really first and foremost. Like I just want her to be okay. Right, Like who? Who am I to think that my agent prep is more important than somebody's family? You know it. Just, that was my perspective, first and foremost and second of all, I think, as a client, it is my job to still do my prep and to make sure that I have my stuff together and to make sure that I'm meeting the deadlines and that I'm packed and that I'm, you know, like it. Just you're not. You take it upon yourself. You should anyways, but it's not this terrible, horrible thing If your coach can't be there constantly, or especially when they're going through something specific. Like it's still your job to prepare you.
Speaker 3:You probably got enough information along the lines, right, Like we talk all day, every day, and now you have these podcasts that you could listen to and now we have an app that you can download. Like you have enough information and you are capable enough to be able to do that for yourself if you've already been a client of ours, and I think it was just a moment for me to be like all right, you have all the tools that you need to be able to handle this. I mean, Ray has told me a million times that I am capable and that I'm the one that's going to be doing this. You're not getting on stage for me, I am, so it's ultimately my job to figure it out. Not that we're going to leave you high and dry because you were still checking in with us when you probably didn't need to be, but it still my job, Like it is my responsibility anyways.
Speaker 3:And so it was. It was a moment of like yeah, let me do the thing Right. So that's what I remember. Those were the two biggest pieces, and it was never like. It was never any resentment. I hope that none of your clients felt resentment. I don't think they did, because you have some wonderful women. I never did so.
Speaker 1:Well, that's the joy of doing what I do is being able to work with really incredible human beings that I learned so much from, and I get to be picky about that. Guys like selfishly, and I don't care. This is a selfish thing, but also the best thing that I could do for myself and for my business and for my clients is to, like we do consultations and they're for you, like I sit down on a consultation with you to see how I can help you. But if it's not a good fit, like if, if our personalities just don't mesh, or if you've got, you know, some other need that I just know I can't fulfill, like I'm going to refer you to some other programs and kind of give you some advice on where else to go, but I'm just not going to put myself through working with someone that depletes me and drains me, especially like Lila said.
Speaker 1:Like when you go through traumatic things and huge things in your life, there's just some stuff that you just don't care about anymore. And that's not to say that things don't matter because I think it's important, like like I said to Lila a couple of days ago when we were talking, like look, just because, like, you're going through something horrific, like I'm not. I'm not feeling or like no one else should feel like their smaller thing doesn't matter, like all of our stuff matters. And so, just because you might be going through something really horrible, don't look at somebody else and be like why do you care so much, like mine is so much bigger. It's apples and oranges. Everybody's experience is different, so don't judge yourself and don't judge other people's experiences that they're going through. But I want to touch on like taking accountability for your own preparation and also recognizing how prepared you are, even if you have to take a week off which, by the way, I've made my clients do, even though they weren't sick.
Speaker 3:Lila, yeah, I've now done that as a coach. I did that now too, so I'm on the other end of the table and I'm like you know what it actually makes a big difference and how productive was that week off that I made you take. I think I came back more refreshed and I don't think I would have been Miss Wisconsin without that week off. I'll say it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, honestly. But so tonight we're doing a Get Coached Live recording with a former client of mine, emma Griffith. She's a Miss West Virginia Volunteer 2023, either 2022 or from last year. She competed at Miss Volunteer America last year in 2023. And she competed for Miss West Virginia in MAO this past spring and was first runner up, but she didn't have the budget to come back and work with me. But something that she shared that I just feel so proud of is how much she just kept going back to the things that I had said to her and back to the skills that she had gained while working with me. Just because she couldn't work with me leading up to Miss West Virginia this year doesn't mean that she didn't already have the leading up to Miss West Virginia this year, doesn't mean that she didn't already have the skills and the tools and the insight that she had gained from working with me last year that she could apply toward her experience this year at Miss West Virginia and have an incredible time because of that.
Speaker 1:And so when you think about when you have to take time off because you're injured, or you have to take time off because you're sick, or you have to take time off because you're injured or you have to take time off because you're sick or you have to take time off because of your mental health.
Speaker 1:That doesn't mean that you are losing any of those skills that you've gained, and it certainly doesn't mean that you are less valuable or have lost some sort of worth because of that time off. It's all still there. You have to trust yourself enough that you'll pick back up where you left off when you are well enough to do so. It's a little bit different when it's an injury and you've got the physical therapy that you have to go through to retrain and rebuild your muscles, especially if you're an athlete or a dancer. I get that, but for the most part, when you're talking about the skills that it takes to be a title holder to do the job, none of that goes away and in fact going through obstacles like illness or injury actually make you a stronger person, if you choose to take it from that vantage point.
Speaker 3:I want to bring up this contestant because I've talked to her a little bit. She's interested in journalism and so we had a good chat about that a few months ago and she's in the teen category Jersey. If you're listening, your talent right. She had an injury with dance. I hope she's okay with me talking about this, but she talked about it on stage, so I think that's okay. I cried by the way I did too Cried during her talent Continue. I cried by the way I did too. I cried, I really, I, really, I, I it was. It was incredible.
Speaker 1:This is the best example of taking an obstacle and choosing to look at it from an empowering vantage point.
Speaker 3:Yes, she had an injury with her leg or foot. She's a dancer, and it was like a couple of weeks before competition and it's like, yeah, I'd freak out too. And I remember telling her what can you control out of all of this? And she came out on stage for talent in her beautiful costume that she would have worn, and she did a monologue about everything that she had experienced because of this injury and why she's up there now talking to us.
Speaker 3:I know that her dance would have been beautiful, but that moment that she had instead, I think you can't replicate that and so, like I just remember ah, I was so proud of her. I'm still so proud of her and I hope she's listening because you're right, it is a perfect example of like the room stopped the audience was was dialed in Like everybody. Perfect example of like the room stopped the audience was was dialed in like everybody. There were probably a lot of tears, um, and it was just like you and I and I never liked to say on behalf of an injury, you get this beautiful moment, but it's like you never would have had that, and I think a lot of people probably needed to hear that and to see that, and I think she proved to herself that day that she could handle that and that's the most important part. So it gives me goosebumps still thinking about it.
Speaker 1:It was so cool, though, cause I looked at you, cause I'm looking at the program book, I'm like she's, she's a dancer. Did we skip someone? Did we miss them? And you're just like, just wait, just wait, okay, okay. And then she started talking and she's like she was literally approved to, you know, walk without crutches, like the day of her interview, like it was just crazy how everything had lined up for her, despite, like this horrible thing that had happened. And I remember you telling me about um, like I think she had reached out to you shortly after the, uh, the injury and was like, oh, my gosh, what do I do, like this is horrible? To shortly after the injury and was like what do I do? Like this is horrible.
Speaker 1:And sometimes you guys, like I wrote down as Lila was telling the story like let yourself feel what you're feeling. We are not going to sit here and preach like just be positive, don't freak out about it, everything's going to be fine. No, you're anti-toxic positivity over here. So let yourself feel what you're feeling, but the rule of thumb is don't let yourself sit in that feeling. If you're feeling down and out and frustrated, that's okay, that's normal, that's human feelings. Let yourself sit in that process, let yourself process it, but don't sit in it, don't soak in it, don't stay there. You got to keep moving forward. At some point you have to start feeling the urge to be solution focused and figure out what your next steps are going to be.
Speaker 3:And a lot of the times that comes with or after a break is when you figure out those solutions when you actually like stop and just be. I see the difference between in client spaces where and I don't I don't like to invalidate as it is, but sometimes I mean sometimes there is a time and place for a good pep talk, right, like you got this, whatever it is. But I think then when you realize that's not working and that's not what they need right now, you see like literally in their face when you tell them, okay, you're allowed to feel overwhelmed, feel that, and they're like okay, and you can literally see it in their faces and the difference that it makes in in where somebody's at mentally. So validation is huge when it comes to physical and mental and productivity. Like validate, validate, validate yourself. There's no reason not to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there are how many times this last year, as when you were Miss Wisconsin that I just was like I'm looking at you and I'm like, oh, okay, she needs somebody to be pissed off with her. Okay, I can do that for a little bit, yeah.
Speaker 3:A lot of those moments.
Speaker 1:But then always what happened was okay, Lila, we're pissed off. How long you want to be pissed off about this before you get to a point where you're ready to do something about it? Because it feels better to be angry than to feel defeated. There's more power in that, there's more energy in anger than in defeat. So you go from defeat to anger, but then there's more empowerment in being solution-focused and moving forward and building that forward motion than sitting in the anger right. So we're going to climb the stairs of our emotions there like feel defeated, feel down, feel out, and then get sick of feeling that way and then get angry, and then get tired of being angry because there's only so much you can do with being angry, and then start thinking about what are my next steps. Where am I going from here?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, when you get sick of feeling, remember. I feel like I talked about this last episode. You were saying like I don't remember what you asked me, but I said well, I was just sick of feeling this way and this was my only option. It's true.
Speaker 1:I asked you what was the big change for you that you decided to start doing the work on yourself? Mindset-wise. And you said you were just tired of feeling the comparison, tired of feeling like you weren't worthy, tired of feeling like, yeah, just all the mindset glitches and it's yeah. You get sick of being frustrated and you want to just do something about it.
Speaker 3:That's powerful and trust that you will get there. Don't try to rush the process.
Speaker 1:Don't tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling xyz this is a great segue into practicing grace like, how do we actually practice having grace? And if we're talking about like, let's just say there's so many steps in between, but if we're going to simplify and be like, okay, defeat, then anger, then solution so those are the three steps that we're taking In each step, race for yourself. Practicing grace is being okay with being on that step and trusting that you're going to get to the next step and feeling like okay, this is just naturally part of this experience and this is actually a productive part of this experience. So we have to stop thinking that your productivity I said it at the beginning has anything to do with your value or your level of success or your worthiness. Like, when I say productivity, I mean has anything to do with your value or your level of success or your worthiness. When I say productivity, I mean being able to check things off, the list of things that you're doing your to-do list right.
Speaker 1:That productivity also looks like allowing yourself to feel what you're feeling and sit in that, take a break. Take a break and breathe, because once you get to that next step of anger, you're starting to build that momentum of energy. You need that energy to get to that next step of how am I going to move forward. But you also have to give yourself that time of peace and that silence so that you can hear your own intuition tell you what you need to be doing next. Because if you're just sitting there and you're angry and you're frustrated and you've got all these judgmental things that you're saying to yourself, your head cannot hear your intuition telling you where you need to go from here.
Speaker 3:That's so important. I'm glad you brought that up. It's like if there's all this noise and you're constantly trying to move, you cannot listen to yourself, whether that is your body, whether that is your mental health, whether that's your emotions. Do yourself a service of just being quiet and slowing down and I don't mean that literally, but you know what I mean, right, and I'm glad you brought that up because, oh my God, is it true and I didn't really realize that and you kind of do that naturally, right. But we, I think and I've learned again this past week we really want to be in control of things. We really want to constantly be, you know, making the decisions for ourselves, and we preach that, ray and I right.
Speaker 3:Like you are capable, you are able to control a lot in your life when it comes to you and how you react to situations. But at the same time, there's a lot that your body can do and take over without you having to have this like horrible grip on what you think should be happening, and I don't mean just physically. This is mental health, this is your emotions too. Like you don't need to have such a grip on that because naturally, your body will flow through and do what it needs to do regardless. Like trust yourself, you guys. Trust yourself in the fact that you don't have to like be so in control and have this grip on everything that's happening.
Speaker 1:We did this on Saturday. We were at the lake with AJ's family, his cousins we're all about kind of the same age and a lot of them had their kids that were there, that were swimming. We were just hanging out and catching up and it had been a while and one of his cousins was chatting with me and he was congratulating me on all the things that are going on with Fearlessly Authentic and Sash and Soul. Because, honestly, you guys, I'm going to try and get better at this. I really I'm considering trying to get better at this of like posting stuff about my actual personal life on social media, not just about like business stuff, but, um, media, not just about like business stuff, but, um, it was like there are other things going on in my life, um, but it like all this stuff that's been coming out with the app and Sash Soul reaching like now we're over 3000 downloads, um, but you know, announcing the 2,500 download mark, like all this really cool stuff and Lila coaching with me and he's like man, you are just busy, like you must be constantly on the go and I was like you know, actually, no, all of this stuff has come from me having fun with it and I have a rule for myself that if I'm not in a good space, I will take the day Like I will not work on things that require my passion and my inspiration. I will not force myself to work on projects when I'm not feeling inspired, when I don't have that positive momentum flowing, when I don't feel connected to the work that I'm doing.
Speaker 1:The most beautiful things have come out of me, allowing myself to take that time off to let my brain quiet down so that I can hear what my gut is telling me, and that's where all of these projects are coming from, and I finally understand what people have said my entire life about, like, if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life, and it's so true. Now, there are things that I don't like doing, that I have to do, but those are the tasks like the business end of the tasks that like the accounting stuff that, like, I don't love but I don't really need to be inspired for any of that stuff, right, but it's this other cool stuff that is driving fearlessly authentic and session soul and Soul forward. And Lila, you've had a lot of these experiences too. When you're in that space of allowing yourself to be quiet and feel the inspiration and not force yourself to work when you're not feeling it.
Speaker 3:That's when really cool stuff happens biggest takeaways from all of this, because I feel like we could talk about this forever. But first and foremost, okay, let's like, let's think about somebody that might be going through health stuff or mental health stuff, maybe right before a competition. What? What's the first thing that you do? You validate yourself in feeling like, uh yeah, this is awful timing. It probably is. Let yourself feel icky about it. Allow that to be something that you're not just pushing out of your mind or or even trying to like battle with yourself about why this happened, like if I had done this, maybe that wouldn't have happened. Or if I had, if I hadn't done X, y, z, maybe that would have happened. Let's not do that, right. Just validate the fact that you're here and you're feeling icky. Then what?
Speaker 1:Well, we say that's step one, but it's an ongoing step of continuing to validate yourself. And the other piece of the step one with the validation is being self-aware of when you're being judgmental of yourself, of when you're saying mean things to yourself like the just get up, you're being so lazy right now, like other people are working hard when they're sick, like you can do it too, like the comparison to other people, like when you don't actually know what they're going through, like there's a lot of mean judgmental stuff that we can do in our heads. So that's kind of an ongoing piece of step one, but it's so true that's a huge part of it. The next step is to kind of decide what you're capable of doing, like if it's mindless stuff that you can do when you're injured or when you're like just mentally not feeling well, but there are just like tasks that you need to get done, like, yeah, see if you can get those things done, but be okay with not completing your entire to-do list that day. And I think you know giving yourself that time for your brain to quiet down.
Speaker 1:One of the things I had talked, that I had written down, was overthinking Anytime that you find your mind spiraling that I had written down was overthinking. Anytime that you find your mind spiraling, it's really just your brain coming up with all the problems that probably don't even exist and trying to fortune, tell all the problems that might happen and then trying to solve those problems, and it just keeps going around and around and around and around. So, recognizing that that's happening, finding some distraction, like giving yourself the grace to see rest as productive.
Speaker 3:And then actually rest. Do the resting.
Speaker 1:Last step, going back to the self-care practices, all the things personal hygiene like sit in that robe all day if you want to, but please take a shower and brush your teeth Like that's all I'm saying.
Speaker 3:I can do that.
Speaker 1:You know, lay in bed if you need to, for a few days, a little bit later than you usually would, but don't lay in bed all day. Like get up, move to the couch, turn on a sitcom. Like day like, get up, move to the couch, turn on a sitcom like something to just kind of keep yourself moving. And also like, if it's to a point where, like there's cause to be concerned if you're not actually doing the extra step of getting medical care or mental health care, like do that too, because we're not sitting here saying like do these steps and you'll be great. No, sometimes you got to do those steps and then some, and then you also need to require some other help.
Speaker 1:Like Lila, rest and relaxation was not going to help you with your medical situation. That happened, you know, over the last couple of weeks. Like right, like you needed doctors and medicine. So like yeah, like there's a whole combination of things. So we're not saying like it's as easy as step one, two, three. Those are just the helpful first steps to get you moving and get you in the right direction For sure.
Speaker 3:Yeah, All the physical stuff that we're talking about is so case by case, right, Like Ray came up with. You know the mental, the mental health aspect of it. I'm over here talking about physical health, but this is all case by case, Please. You guys know what to do with your own bodies Again, you are capable and listen to your bodies. But I think we really want to emphasize you know the mental part that comes with, because a lot of those feelings are the same, Whatever you're going through physically or mentally or emotionally when it comes to health.
Speaker 3:A lot of the residual feelings of like we talked about not feeling productive, or getting mad at yourself or comparing yourself to others, like that is a lot of the same types of feelings, and so that's really what we're talking about. We are not equipped to give medical advice, so nobody listened to that part. We're not giving medical advice, but, yeah, a lot of these residual feelings are true throughout. A lot of the same health issues, especially when it comes to women that are constantly on the go and love doing things and genuinely like being productive and it makes them feel good, and so it's difficult when that's taken away too. When you equated a lot of like the endorphins and the dopamine, from getting those tasks done. It's difficult when you can't do that anymore. So we're talking a lot about before we go. We're really talking a lot about those feelings and the emotions of the residual effects of not being able to do things because of your health.
Speaker 1:We got to touch on this before we go. This is so important because you talked about women, in particular, on the go, constantly. I asked you the other day, okay, what can you control right now, lila? And you were like I was like nothing, nothing. And I was like, oh, okay, it's just reminding me of any time that you're talking to someone that's so busy and they're giving you the laundry list of all the things and you're just like, oh, you need to take some time for you. And they're like I can't, I can't do it, I can't get rid of anything on my list to take time for me.
Speaker 1:And I truly get the feeling of that, of feeling like you really cannot drop anything. But I'm going to challenge that because it's just true, like okay, and I know that there are circumstances, there are, there are, you know, other circumstances that like I don't. I don't want to get into the weeds of that, but more often than not, when I'm saying like what can you take off your plate, and you say nothing, like I'm going to challenge that and you should challenge yourself too, because Lila and I literally talked for about an hour of like looking ahead at her schedule, where I'm like all right, like you are your own boss as, as a contracted coach, under Fearlessly Authentic. However, I'm still your mentor and it's still my company. So I'm going to look at you and say, all right, if it would be better for you to take time off than for you to try and coach, then you need to do that. Your clients will be okay, and sometimes you need somebody else to say that to you. It's going to be okay. The world is not going to end.
Speaker 1:So I just think that's something really important for all of us to consider, too is like is it really true that we can't cancel something or we can't put something off until tomorrow?
Speaker 1:I mean, my therapist said to me once, like when I was really stressed, like feeling like I couldn't let go of anything on my schedule, and even when I did have time off, I was still frustrated with myself and struggling, and she's like well off, I was still frustrated with myself and struggling, and she's like well gosh, it sounds like you need to give yourself permission to have downtime, actually plug it into your calendar of off, and sometimes just doing that action can help you let go of this abstract idea that you're supposed to be doing something or you've got this long to-do list and you need to be doing that, and if you're not doing that, then you're lazy or you're not productive or you're not strong enough or driven enough or whatever. If, for some reason, you not getting your to-do list on that day is going to cause a judge not to pick you as the winner, as if that is actually true. So we got to challenge ourselves in that as well.
Speaker 3:I think that's all I got.
Speaker 1:That's all I got too.
Speaker 3:Take care of yourself, please, first and foremost. I know that we talk a lot about pageantry and competition or business, but none of that is going to be its full potential when you're not taking care of yourself first yeah and yeah go ahead, have you?
Speaker 1:have you noticed that we get sidetracked from like pageant competition talk quite a bit, because we're actually just talking about you guys taking care of yourselves and the importance of that like just just be a human.
Speaker 3:Me and logan joke sometimes, um, if things are really stressful or if we're worried about work or whatever it is, logan even said the other day, as we were coming home from the hospital, he was like we were just meant to frolic in a field and pick flowers, lila, like just feel the sun on your skin, honey. And I was like, thanks, logan, like I really needed to hear that because I'm coming back, you know, kind of from a hiatus and being like, oh my God, I have all this stuff to get done. And he's like, oh, we weren't meant to work. And it's kind of a joke for us because, obviously, like I do love what I do and there are reasons to work. But I just think that I mean, I think it's also an important sentiment to keep in mind Like we're not machines, we're not robots, we're not, you know, like we're humans, and treat yourself as such.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And that brings up just my final thought for the day is that right now you might be in a place in your life where you've got really solid, structured goals, that you're going towards the one and done type of goals, meaning you're going towards college graduation, or you're getting your master's degree, or, um, some kind of a doctorate level degree of some kind, or you're going for a pageant competition and it's your last shot. Or like your long-term slash short-term goal is to win a state title and get to the nationals. Um, like, you're constantly working towards something, and one of the biggest adjustments for me after I gave up my title of Miss Wisconsin was recognizing that I don't really have any goals like that anymore. Necessarily, I went through this whole phase of like, do I need to go for my master's, so I have something that I'm working towards? Do I need to consider competing for something else? I just had this. It was just part of my identity that I needed to be working towards something.
Speaker 1:But what I've learned as a business owner is that I no longer have any ultimate goal that I'm striving for.
Speaker 1:I just get to work on fun things and once I accomplish that, it's the next thing, and then the next thing, and then the next thing.
Speaker 1:So it has released this pressure on me of feeling like I need to scramble to get something done or to reach this particular goal, and I think that's why I've allowed myself to just breathe and take the time that I need to to get back to feeling inspired and getting back to feeling that momentum of moving forward and doing really cool things. So if you're in a space of not feeling well or if you're in a space of being injured, try and release that pressure of like time is running out, because time is not really running out. I understand that you have time sensitive goals because of age limits and things like that, but ultimately, like we're all here on this earth to just continue growing and evolving and we're always going to have new goals that we're going towards, but it's not the ultimate end all. So try and give yourself a little bit of reprieve from feeling that pressure of time is running out and you're not doing enough.
Speaker 3:Well said, well ended there, perfect Good takeaway yeah, sounds good.
Speaker 1:All right, lila, continue healing. Thanks. I'm going to continue my productivity today as best as I can until, all of a sudden, my productivity wanes. I'm noticing that it's very much like a hormonal cycle for me, and now that I'm tracking all that on an app, I get notifications of like you're going to be the most productive this week and I'm like excellent. And then I have like the notifications where you're like your energy is going to start to falter now, so maybe it takes some time, and I'm like oh, thank you.
Speaker 3:That's a whole nother thing that we have not touched on, and my therapist had even said this. She was like people joke about hormones, lol, right, but no, she said. She was like hormones are everything. So okay, no, we can actually end it now, because we could seriously go on and on every single episode. But, like you, keep that in mind ladies, I'm so serious.
Speaker 1:Stay tuned for the PMSing episode. Take care of yourselves. We will talk to you next week. Don't forget to download the app. Check out the application for the get coached live. Those are going to be pumping out here, as we've got quite a few um get coached live clients lined up. We're super excited about it. Um, but until next time, enjoy the sunshine and and go easy. Yeah, bye, everyone, bye.
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