Sash & Soul
Welcome to the "Fearlessly Authentic: Sash & Soul Podcast," the show that goes beyond the stage to prioritize mindset, wellbeing, and triumphs in the pageant journey. Each episode explores the power of embracing authenticity, sharing mindset tips, self-care strategies, and inspiring success stories to help you navigate the pageant world with confidence and resilience.
Sash & Soul
#27 Top 5 Competition Prep Mistakes
We're here to share our top five most common mistakes we see women make in the pageant world after years as competitors and coaches. Whether that's preparation downfalls or falling into conspiracies, hear what we think distracts you most from your big picture goals when it comes to preparation and during your competition.
Our focus is on actionable strategies that go beyond last-minute cramming and over-reliance on mock interviews. Similar to athletic training, find out how balanced preparation, self-awareness, and staying informed can set you up for success. Whether you're a newbie or a seasoned veteran in competition, don't miss out on what we wish we heard years ago.
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Welcome to the Fearlessly Authentic Sash and Soul podcast, the show that goes beyond the stage, prioritizing a healthy mindset, overall well-being and triumphs in the pageant journey.
Speaker 2:In each episode, we dive into the transformative power of embracing authenticity fearlessly From mindset mastery and self-care strategies to success stories that inspire. This podcast is your go-to guide for navigating the pageant world with confidence and resilience. Join us as we embark on a journey of self-discovery, empowerment and celebrate the stories of those who fearlessly embraced their authenticity on the path to pageant success. I'm Lila Sherry and I'm Rianna Johnson.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Sash and Soul. Hi, welcome back. What was that? Hi? Everyone Hi everyone there that is not indicative of where you are at right now. Spill Lila.
Speaker 3:Spill. How are you? It's moving week. We just spent 20 minutes I just spent 20 minutes ranting about everything that we have to do this week, from moving to finances, to cleaning, to all the things. But I'm really excited, but I'm also I'm just a little bit crazy I don't know if hyper is the right word just a little bit spinny, feeling like a nutty person. But I need to in order to get everything that I need to get done, because if I was my normal chill self, I don't think I could do this.
Speaker 1:So I have this visual of you spinning multiple plates in the air and frantically trying to keep them all going and balanced, Like that's. That's what I have in my head of you right now.
Speaker 3:And hysterically laughing because I've been using humor to cope with the craziness. So all is good, it is going to be fine. Moving with cats is also really stressful. I didn't realize how stressful that was going to be because they're very particular creatures and they don't love to travel. So 16 hours in a car with two cats. One of them is going to have to be sedated. We already know that. The other one is just. We're just going to hope that he is okay. He probably will be, because he's our adventure cat and we take him to the park and things like that. So I don't think he's going to be as startled. But the other one has some anxiety issues and we're just going to cross our fingers and hope for the best Wait.
Speaker 1:are you one of those cat moms, cat parents that has a stroller for her cats?
Speaker 3:I do not have a stroller. I think that is a lot, unless your cat is old or very much needs to not walk or something extreme. But no, I don't have a cat stroller. He'll sit in a backpack or his carrier or those things. We don't take him out often, but he does enjoy going to the park sometimes.
Speaker 1:So when you're driving across the country this weekend, are you putting them in a crate Like how, where they have? Their own, because I'm imagining cats like crawling all over the vehicle right.
Speaker 2:Like my dog.
Speaker 1:we had to put up a barrier from the back seats to the front, because even buckling her in does not work and she will crawl through any tiny space that she can to get to us in the front.
Speaker 3:Cats will do that. So we have them in carriers. They're pretty big so they can sit up, you know, not feel super confined the whole time. So they're these big carriers. We have to bring a portable litter box and I didn't think of that. Yeah, so all of those things and then obviously lots of treats there's obviously ozzy will be sedated, like I mentioned Food, some water, some potty breaks and some time to get out. I think we're going to put them on harnesses and leashes just in case they jump out or whatever it is. Yep.
Speaker 1:Are you going to drive straight through from Madison to Dallas Right now?
Speaker 3:that's what it's looking like. However, I have an inkling that we're going to get 10 or 12 hours in and need somewhere to sleep Sure.
Speaker 1:Because what is it 16?
Speaker 3:Okay 15 and then a little bit and then some, but including all the breaks and the stops and it gets up to be at least 16 hours.
Speaker 1:So it's a lot. So, y'all, I don't know if I've talked about this much before, but when Laura Kepler won Miss America in January of 2012, I was living in Austin, texas, and when we decided that I was going to take over as Miss Wisconsin, I left at 4.30 in the evening and drove straight through from Austin to Wisconsin, which is normally like an 18-hour drive. It took me 21 hours because I hit a snowstorm in Iowa and, little did I know, at some point I had a flat tire. So I find out the next day after I crashed for 12 hours on an air mattress in my old bedroom at my mom's house, holy cow, and I had a flat tire that I had driven home in. It's a drive, that's for sure.
Speaker 3:I'm glad you guys will have each other Us, our cats and our Honda CRV, and that's all we have, because it wasn't worth getting a U-Haul, to pay more to bring things that didn't even add up to the value of the U-Haul. So we just literally sold everything we sold his car. We're taking one car and anything that we can fit in the car and ship maybe a few boxes and that's that so excited for you.
Speaker 1:This is such a cool adventure for you guys, like newly engaged, moving across the country, really starting fresh, and this is everything that you have been wanting and dreaming of, and all the post pageantry joy of life and change and new adventures, and I'm just so excited, yeah.
Speaker 3:The free will is really coming in clutch here and my mom was thinking are you sure you're not going to rent a trailer or something? And I thought this is a challenge now. This is a challenge now to see what we can fit in this car. And it's a challenge for me because I got rid of half my clothes. I'm not somebody that goes shopping much as it is of half my clothes. I'm not somebody that goes shopping much as it is, but I have so many sentimental value or memories tied to the things that I have, even a random sweater I'm like, oh, this is when I wore this for this. So I'm really it is a challenge and I like the challenge of getting rid of a lot of the material stuff that we have and then realizing you're still going to be fine, it's going to be good, that's what's happening. And then you're going to Italy in six days five days five days.
Speaker 3:Five days is the countdown?
Speaker 1:Yes, uh, we have been. We've had that countdown going for at least 40 days now. So we're yeah, we're very excited. It is our one year anniversary trip. We were originally going to do Italy for our honeymoon last year. We did St Lucia instead for financial reasons, and so we're going to be in Italy for two weeks and it's going to be magical.
Speaker 1:I showed Lila our itinerary, but I do have some nerves. I've got this like anxiety and excitement and it's like I'm very much trying to live in the end. Like I can be anxious about going to a brand new country and not really knowing what to expect, no matter how many TikToks I watch of the do's and don'ts of being in Italy, but like I am also living in the end of like just the excitement of it and the joy. And I think part of it and my husband said this today too was like we're already like sad that it's almost over and it hasn't even like started yet, because we've just been anticipating and prepping for it for so long, and it's just like we just talked about this recently on another episode of like sometimes it's just the journey and it's the process that really is the fun of it. So, yeah, it's going to be really good so excited for the photos.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the and is a big thing for, I think, a lot of us right now, but yeah All right.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to figure out a really good segue into our topic today, but I can't, so let's just dive right in. Today we are talking about the top five competition preparation mistakes. I knew you were going to do that. I was waiting, we were waiting for it. I saw you looking at me.
Speaker 3:I mean, I'm sure there's maybe a blog post out there or something out there, but again, I feel really happy that we're able to provide something that I wish that I had. You probably wish that you had Nobody sat down and told me this and I had to take 10, 11 years of my life to actually learn these lessons and these experience. And still experiences, teach and these words that we're saying do not. But at the same time, really nice to have kind of a checklist of when you're going through prep to base your baseline off of.
Speaker 1:So yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think the top five thing, like prep mistakes, is a tough one, because oftentimes we see clients do this all the time. Like every single one of these mistakes it's because you feel like you're not doing enough or you, yeah it just you get kind of wrapped up in kind of some low level desperation, like a scarcity mindset, and I think that's what leads to a lot of these mistakes, for a couple of different reasons. So the first two well, let me just I'm going to say all of them first, and then I have a bonus at the end too. The first one is over prepping, which I can understand, would be very confusing for some, but we're going to dive into it. The first one is overprepping, which I can understand would be very confusing for some, but we're going to dive into it. The next is underprepping. The next is taking too much advice or looking for too much advice. The fourth is not setting a budget and or not following a budget. And the fifth is focusing on all the wrong things in your preparation. You can go way back to one of our first episodes that talks about the six competitive elements that you need to be focusing on and which ones are the most important. So we'll dive into that again here at the end.
Speaker 1:But I want to talk about the first two the over-preparing and the under-preparing. What I mean by this, coming from a scarcity mindset or a desperation mindset, is that in over-preparing it's like overcompensating for something right, like you're pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing, feeling like that's going to make up for anything that you feel like you might not be enough or be worthy of enough. The list goes on. And then the under-preparing is an exact, direct correlation to the scarcity mindset. This fear of not being good enough causes avoidance. So the response to fear is avoidance. So under-preparing or procrastinating is going to come from again that desperation mindset. Okay, so those are the first two. Let's dive in Lila.
Speaker 3:Well, I was going to ask you slash talk about what are some examples of overprepping and what can that look like? What are some signs that people can look for? First thing that comes to my head is and this is during competition, but you can tell if somebody has overprepped, I think to an extent, when they're backstage 30 seconds beforehand and they're still running through their things or they're still practicing X, y, z and you have two minutes before you get on stage. We've heard from countless interviews that we've done with people that those few minutes before you get on stage, where people think it makes such a big difference right before you get on stage to practice, actually has no bearing and probably only stresses you out right before you get on stage. I think that's a big indicator. Actually, I think that could be an indicator of under prepping too, if you feel like, oh my gosh, I'm here, all of these girls are ready, I'm not. Let me do some quick prep right before I get on stage. But that's an example that I thought of.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a good one. Or, like I know, like you've talked about creating a binder, preparing for interview and stuff, flashcards, creating a full binder with different articles and topics in it and questions, and like, if you are sitting there right before your interview and you are paging through a binder or paging through some flashcards, that's a sign of overpreparing, preparing in the wrong way, honestly. Yeah, that stuff is good for you to practice challenging yourself and learning new things and asking yourself different questions. But the real preparation comes from doing a deep dive into exactly who you are and why you feel that way about things that are going on in the world, and being very consistent with keeping up to date with stuff that's going on and with your own personal development. But if you're doing it like flashcard way, where you're trying to cram right before interview, that's not it.
Speaker 1:That again is a sign of overprepping. If that's something that you do like every single day for an hour and also before your interview, or if it's something where you're like I haven't done enough and I need to put all this stuff together before my interview and it's in two days, like that's underpreparing. So again, that one goes both ways. Another one that falls under overprepping is doing too much interview practice yes. Too many mock interviews yes.
Speaker 1:There is a way to prepare for interview that isn't over preparing and it typically looks like again that self-development, that understanding who you are and how you feel about things that are going on in the world and having in-depth conversations with people that challenge you. And then those mock interviews should be valuable for you in that you are then practicing, articulating, using that thought, organization, those listening skills in a 10-minute, three-minute, 90-second interview, whatever it is for you. You're practicing those skills during that time, but that is not the time for you to be sitting there hashing out how you feel about things in the world or having volunteers or friends telling you how you should be saying something differently in order to sound different and better, or whatever. That is over-preparing. Too many mock interviews is going to cause you to become pageant, patty.
Speaker 3:And when you think about it, if it's a track athlete or a swimmer. The Olympics just passed. Me and Logan have been watching documentaries on Olympians and we're super into that right now. Logan was a track athlete in college and when you think about it, to train for, say, a run, you don't just keep doing the run over and over and over. Right, you have conditioning, you have strength training, you have, honestly, probably some mental prep if you're at a really high level, and then once I don't know every so often or so, or whatever it is then you actually do the run.
Speaker 3:But you're not doing a mile run every single day to get ready for a mile run. There's speaking to the athletes. That's just not how you train, period, and nor would it be how you train for an interview. It wouldn't be any different. So if you think about it that way, to me that makes a lot of sense, because I definitely fell into mock interview, just question after question after question. I felt like I wasn't doing anything If I wasn't getting asked questions. I felt like I was wasting time, only come to find out it's just a quick way to burn out and, honestly, just feeling like it's a chore now and not the best way to prep.
Speaker 1:I love the way that you talked about it in terms of conditioning as an athlete. I think that's really important because as an athlete you can't just cram to prepare. We cram for tests or exams in high school or college or whatever. You can't do that. So that's underpreparing. Right.
Speaker 1:There is trying to cram in a couple of mock interviews or a handful of mock interviews right before your competition. That's just not going to help you. And then overdoing it, where you're doing multiple mock interviews for weeks, maybe months, before a competition, you're just going to get a whole lot of different feedback. You're going to get confused. It's just burnt out. Burnout is the most appropriate way to describe that. So completely agree with the conditioning and it's going to look like when you are conditioning as an athlete, as Lila was talking about. It's going to be a mixture of cardio and strength training and stretching and resting and refueling and nutrition and hydrating and there's a balance.
Speaker 1:So mock interviews is not the only way to prepare for interview and it's not always the best way either. I've seen a lot of clients kind of lose it right before competition. By lose it I mean start freaking out, stressing out, because they had a bad mock interview right before competition. By lose it, I mean start freaking out, stressing out, because they had a bad mock interview right before competition. And so we got to go through all the mindset stuff of working, through the glitches that came from the feedback that we got from these volunteers that are volunteering their time and nitpicking what you're saying in hopes of helping you in your interview, but it's just not helping.
Speaker 3:I was going to touch on that and we can kind of move on, I think, from this after this. But there are so many awesome people that will take time out of their day to do mock interviews with you. So many have not had much pageant experience. If they have, that doesn't necessarily mean they've been a certified judge at a high level competition with training right, there's judges trainings that you have to go through ways. These people are here volunteering their time so that I know what it feels like to walk into a room with six completely stranger faces and then be able to talk.
Speaker 3:That was my prep for me, not necessarily waiting for them to tell me whether or not they liked an answer to a question or whether or not they agreed with something. I didn't walk into mock interviews waiting for that type of help. The help that that gave me simply was being able to sit down in the middle of a day anytime. Maybe I'm tired, maybe I'm extra nervous, but to sit in front of a panel of random people and still be able to talk and use those skills. That's the prep that you're getting out of it, not necessarily waiting for them to give you feedback.
Speaker 3:Some mock interview panels might be really awesome and have a ton of experience Great. Please use that to your advantage. But many times they are just volunteers and just people in the community that are there to support you in any way that they can Be grateful for that. But then set that boundary with yourself and knowing that that's not six coaches sitting in front of you or it's not six actual judges or whatever it is, and to kind of take it for yourself before you even get into the room.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's. That's leaning a little bit into our point. Number three. Our third mistake is is taking too much advice, and we'll dive into that a little bit more, but I think just something to be helpful and solution focused with this.
Speaker 1:First, this number one prep mistake, and these are actually in not any particular order. But the first prep mistake that we're talking about in over-preparing is you have to gauge for yourself. You have to check in with yourself constantly and you have to challenge yourself Am I feeling like I'm not doing enough because I'm afraid Right, or am I feeling like I'm not doing enough because I'm truly not doing enough? You have to gauge that and you can ask people around you too, and you have to trust. If you're asking someone for advice or you're telling them that you have this fear that you're not doing enough, and they are saying you are doing more than enough, maybe too much, you have to trust that, because then if the fear voice inside of you is saying I don't know if they're right, I don't know if they're right, I don't know, they don't really see what I am and I'm not doing, that's again your fear. So you really have to be self-aware and really practice those skills of gauging where you're at.
Speaker 3:That's where that mindset stuff comes in. Also, be honest if you have a coach. Also be honest if you have a coach here's coming, being prepared, being honest with me, being ready to work and doing what you have to do outside of our sessions. But if you're feeling down and you just can't get yourself to do prep, I'm not going to sit there and be like, well, you know that makes you not good or that means you're not going to win or you're wasting all this time. If a coach does that, first of all, I don't want anybody to do that to me. Right, and I don't know, fire them fire them.
Speaker 1:Fire that coach.
Speaker 3:I don't know anybody that does, but but you know, fair warning, if there are people like that out there, or even just family that's helping you prep, or friends, if they're saying that sort of thing, it's not Pageants are never that serious to where you have to be talking like it's do or die, life or death. I mean, first of all, you're not letting us down or you're not disappointing us, and the best way that we can help you is by being honest with us, and otherwise we can't do much to help you. And then you wonder why we're not helping you. And then we're wondering why it's not working. And it's an open book. That's what I like to tell all my clients, even in consults, ones who are wanting to work with me. Look, the best way that I can help you is for us to be an open book. Ask anything, nothing is off limits, and honestly, we have to build that trust and that rapport too. So that's a big one, you're not letting us down too. So that's a big one, you're not letting us down.
Speaker 1:Right, I think you're more often like I've heard clients talk about how, like their parents have said things like like that of like you're not doing enough, or like miss so-and-so wouldn't do that, or wouldn't behave that way I wouldn't, wouldn't wear that like, oh, the yucky, yucky judgments gross.
Speaker 1:Um, that is, that is where it's helpful to have a coach. Like, if you're like I don't know if I'm over prepping or if I'm under prepping or if I'm right where I'm supposed to be, like having a mentor, having a coach, having someone that's been there, that sees you, that can kind of follow your progress and also see if you're kind of backsliding a little bit in some areas and then help you gauge. Like is this because of burnout? Do you need a break? Because sometimes you need someone to tell you that, because you just can't let yourself because you're that much of an overachiever.
Speaker 3:And then back to and I wanted to make this point because I think it's pretty self-explanatory those who have had multiple coaches at the same time for the same thing have probably experienced this. A lot of us might be saying, or ultimately prepping, similar things, but approaches can be different. The way that somebody delivers something can be completely different. The relationship that you have with somebody can be completely different. So that could be clashing. But also, that's not to say, if you have a walking coach, that you shouldn't go. Get somebody that is helping you with interview or helping you with hair and makeup or helping you with fitness and nutrition If you have multiple people on your team. That's not what we're talking about. Right, have your person that you go to for walking, have your person that you go to for interview, and then maybe have somebody specifically that does speech writing for you that you really like, or have somebody that's totally different. And what we what we mean by not asking everyone and their moms is if somebody doesn't have that expertise, maybe just leave them out of it. They could be a great pep talk once in a while. And then, number two don't have five interview coaches that ultimately, you're you're, you're trying to get to the same place, right?
Speaker 3:I like to think that most interview coaches understand the basis of interview and communication that's why we're here but the approach can be different. The way that you go about it can be different. Their style of coaching might be different, and so that can be ultimately what can create a really muddy water for somebody. And not necessarily. Well, they're telling me. Well, sometimes this happens, they're telling me to say this and then they're telling me not to say this. But more so, cleaning up your interview and communication. The process might look different. And so if you're trying to do one thing and processing it this way and the other person is doing it a complete opposite way, because things work for different people then that's where it gets muddy, not necessarily the content, but more so how you get there.
Speaker 1:So we're on point three of the top five prep mistakes, and this is seeking too much advice.
Speaker 1:Again, it's tying back into that scarcity mindset, tying back into that borderline desperation, back into that like borderline desperation mindset. You're afraid that you're gonna miss something or do something wrong. You want to make sure that everything you do is perfect and the best decision that you can make, but the problem with that is that your gut, like your ultimate final say on things, is going to be the most powerful. You have to agree and feel good about anything that you're putting out there, and when you get too much advice, everyone has their own unique perspective, their own tastes, their own values. You're going to get multiple different answers from people. So if you're looking for the one true answer, you're not going to find it by asking a million people. You're just not, and I've had clients do that and I have to tell you it's very frustrating from the outside looking in, because I'm seeing now my client spinning her wheels trying to figure out the best thing for her, and she's got too many voices in her head.
Speaker 3:This includes directors, this includes volunteers, this includes your parents, this includes your family friends. This also includes your coaches. We're not speaking solely on paid coaches when we're talking about voices. I've been through that. To be so honest with you, my Miss America experience could have looked a lot different had I not tried to please everybody directors, sponsors, coaches, family members. In the process, the only person that that hurt at the end of the day was me. So take it from personal experience you don't have to please everybody. And yes, it is frustrating. And here's the point.
Speaker 3:This is the last point that I want to make, for this is nobody is going to make you do something if you're not doing the work outside of coaching with somebody. Getting another coach is not going to all of a sudden elevate you if you're not doing the work outside of it. A different coach saying similar things and having multiple coaches on your team they're not doing the work for you. You can't just have 17 million different meetings with coaches every week unless it somehow works for somebody. I don't know, I'm not going to speak for everybody, but unless you're doing the work outside of your sessions with yourself and what you have to do, or homework, so to speak right, sometimes I got homework. Getting another coach doesn't make you do those things more, or doesn't like? Actually look at your teacher and wonder?
Speaker 1:That's like the whole everything that you're saying just finally clicked for me like, oh, you're totally right. Asking everyone for their advice and getting their feedback is not the same as you putting in the work to develop those skills, which actually falls in line with our fifth point of focusing on the wrong things. So yeah, sorry that took me a little while to put all of that together, but so well said.
Speaker 3:If you're a client thinking, oh, my walk isn't getting any better, well, how much are you working on your walk? Don't just get another person that's going to tell you the same things if you're not going to practice your walk outside of coaching sessions. Some people don't need that. Other people will book out gym sessions or studio sessions to practice their walk. It's like dance classes you can go to a million different dance classes, but you do things outside of your classes too.
Speaker 3:So remember that, because I think a lot of people can fall into well, I want to get better. Let me just get another coach, and then let me just get another coach and then another coach. That I mean you guys just do the work outside of it. You could just get one solid coach and whatever you're looking to get coached on walking, interview, whatever it is do the work outside of those sessions and know that we're not actually the ones that are able to do anything for you. We cannot do anything for you, and I think that's a huge misconception too. We're not getting up there, we're not saying the words through your head. It has to be you, and you have to want it more than us. That's what I tell my clients. Sometimes, too, you have to want it more than I do, otherwise don't do it. That's my rant. That was my rant.
Speaker 1:And if you rampage and if you have a coach that is disappointed in you or frustrated with you, then they're wanting it more than you and that's problematic. So for more on this topic of how much advice is too much and where do you turn for advice, I would refer you back to episode number nine, your inner circle building a team and navigating relationships. I think that's a really helpful one that really outlines what we're talking about here, which is keeping your circle small, knowing who to go to for each particular topic or issue that you might be having an area of preparation. So, episode nine, inner circle, good plug, hey, thanks. Moving on to point number four, in competition prep mistakes not creating a budget and or not following a budget- or spending money on the wrong things.
Speaker 3:Referring back to our money episode I don't know what number that was, it was pretty number seven lucky number seven money episode.
Speaker 3:Yeah, this is a big thing that I see in clients is we love the hair, we love the makeup, we love the wardrobe. None of that is going to win anything for you. When I see people spending oodles of money on a beautiful gown and a hair and makeup artist thousands of dollars for a hair and makeup artist awesome, do that. The glam is fun. It is supposed to be fun. Some systems don't even allow the hair and makeup artists for you, so take that into consideration of you may need to learn this on your own.
Speaker 3:Number two, if you're doing that but then complaining about or struggling with competition, coaching, the walking, the mindset, the interview, those actual skill-based things, and you're finding yourself getting upset or feeling frustrated because that is taking a lot of money out of it. When you're getting custom gowns and hair and makeup and I mean, just do a double check. I'm not going to tell anybody how to handle their finances. And here's the thing If you enter pageants because you love that side of it the hair and the makeup and the glam do that. I mean just have fun with it, right, I'm not going to there are systems for that.
Speaker 3:Yes, exactly, and I'm not going to tell anybody they should or shouldn't do that. But if you walk off stage and you're upset with your placement, or you're upset with the outcome, or you're frustrated with yourself and how you performed, then I would really do a double check, because I always use this example is I won in a $50 dress, from wherever it was. My mom ordered it and I wore it for prom that year and there was 160 plus girls in a junior teenage division and that was me. I didn't win that because of the gown that I had. It was a great gown. Please, wear something age appropriate and styles well and fits you well, but you don't have to spend $10,000 on it. And, from a prepping coaching perspective, when it comes down to where you're spending your money, obviously, if you have everything for all of it, oh my God, go all out. Get the beautiful gown, please. I'm never going to tell you no. If I had the means, I would do that too. Beautiful gowns from beautiful designers, 24-7.
Speaker 3:I can talk about my favorite designers all the time, but all I'm saying is prioritize. That's all I'm saying is find the priorities. Find what actually matters to you. Here's the thing. I'm not bashing any designers because you can get cheaper gowns from designers that are just as beautiful, just as amazing and it fits you well. So my thing is don't get too caught up in the glam of it all, because realize that if you look at past Miss Americas that have won past Miss USAs that have won, americas that have won past Miss USAs that have won, their gowns aren't necessarily what put them over the top, over the edge, or was the reason why they weren't the most sparkly ones on stage. So I don't know. I could talk for hours about this topic because I'm really passionate about it, but that's not what wins it for you. And if you're complaining about your coaching fees, but you're buying thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars in wardrobe and hair and makeup, I'm not going to say anything, but you know.
Speaker 1:So in Fearlessly Authentic, we do talk about budgeting and we try and break that down. We also look at opportunities for you to save money in different places, to find sponsorships for different things, and how to go about doing that, and the mindset behind asking people for financial support or gifts that will support you on your journey. So that's definitely an option. I think that, when it comes to budgeting, pageants should never break your bank In so many ways. For me, the scholarship was so important, so I needed to be fiscally responsible when it came to what I was investing in for my pageant journey. I can't remember who it was, but I recently saw a post from somebody that was talking about how she didn't spend any money on her wardrobe for state this past year. She borrowed and she reused everything that she wore for competition and I was like, yes, I love that. Now it's necessary to buy new stuff. Sometimes it is necessary for the industry, for pageant participants to be purchasing items. Otherwise, how would we have resale? How would we have new items? This is economy.
Speaker 1:I get it, or economics 101 or whatever, but when it comes to focusing on your budget, the prep mistakes when it comes to your budget is not setting a budget. Therefore, you would go over it and find yourself really stressed about money. If you're stressed about money, that's going to cause mindset glitches and keep you from focusing on areas that you should be focusing on your preparation. It's also going to be causing some just distress for you in all areas of your life when you've got other things that you also need to pay for, like for me, I was paying rent, I was paying for my car payment, my car insurance, I was paying for school and books and gas and food and all the things that I needed just to live my life, and I had to be careful not to overspend on things for pageantry. I think, too, to Lila's point.
Speaker 1:To wrap up, this particular point on budget is that I think oftentimes when we look at what we're purchasing, what we're spending our money on, we want something tangible.
Speaker 1:So it's a little easier to purchase the gowns, the cocktail dresses, the shoes, the accessories, the makeup, the hair products, because you physically have something in your hands that you're holding. However, those things are not what will enhance you as a human being and develop like help you develop skills that will ultimately build opportunities for you in the future in your life, and so the thing that I did really invest in was the coaching for myself, because I was in it for my future success and I wanted to be successful as a title holder. And now everything that I learned in coaching, on top of the things that I've just learned through experience and through research and practice, those are all the things now that I've turned around and started coaching my clients on. So it's not tangible, not really you can't physically pick up the results that you receive from coaching, but you will see it change you and your life and the trajectory of your life over time, and that, I would say, is more valuable than any couture gown that you could ever invest in.
Speaker 3:Well said. And here's the thing I think if you're looking for the changes that you're getting from coaching, it is actually really tangible to see somebody's growth through the coaching that they're getting. If they have the right coach and it's working for them, people that you never would have thought would have gotten on a stage All of a sudden they're taking home the awards. That is tangible growth. You can see that. That's true, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I think it's easier for other people to see it than for you to see it. So when you're looking at spending your money on things, it's hard to see where you'll be in a year from now after coaching in a certain program, versus seeing that gown that you're investing in. It's hard to visualize exactly who you're going to become when you put yourself in a position to experience exponential growth in some cases depending on the coaching program. So that's the part where I have Most often. Often I'm hearing from other directors or parents or family members or friends that see the growth, but when you're in it and you're going through it, you don't always feel that all the time. So, yeah, you're totally right. Ultimately, in the end there's tangible results, but when you're first investing in it, you don't necessarily see what that is yet.
Speaker 3:True Long-term investments create really awesome stories and successes, and just the fruits of your labor are sweeter, you guys. I have to say that. Yeah, trust the process.
Speaker 1:There's a payoff. Yeah, I have gowns that I will never fit in again. I don't think, but the coaching that I received is helping me every single day of my life. Just saying, well, that yes, okay. Finally, our number five in our list of the top five competition prep mistakes is focusing on the wrong things, which is actually kind of just a good wrap up overall before I get to my bonus point.
Speaker 1:But ultimately, everything that we've talked about the over-preparing, the under-preparing, the too much advice, your budget and what you're spending your money on or not spending your money on focusing on the wrong things is a huge competition prep mistake.
Speaker 1:Focusing on the wrong things is detrimental because if you're just focusing on fitness and nutrition and you're not focusing on your own internal self-development, then you're out of balance. If you're just focusing on your wardrobe but you're not focusing on your speaking skills, then you're out of balance. If you're only focusing on what's going on in the world and your interview and you're not focused on making sure that you have a cohesive look put together, you know how to walk on stage, you've got a great talent and you're practicing your talent regularly and your own wellbeing and fitness and nutrition, you're out of balance. So it's not just a matter of focusing on the wrong things, but focusing too much on things that are taking your focus away from other things that you also need to be focusing on. So finding that balance within your prep and this is going to bring us back to episode number two, competition prep and what actually matters so you're killing it this episode with the referrals right.
Speaker 1:Well, I knew that I wanted to refer back to other episodes because we were only going to be able to talk so much about each point and we go into so much good depth in some of these other episodes that, like, think about it, march 8th was when we launched competition prep. What actually matters, like that's, it's been a minute. It's been a minute for those of you that are just joining us Like there's some good golden episodes going back to the early, early episodes. So I like dive in a little bit more, get some more of that, that insight, than what we're sharing today in this conversation.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely One thing about the focusing on the wrong things, conspiracy type things, or you know, I always heard people say winners wear white or don't wear white in interview, or I mean this is fun to talk about as somebody who watches competitions and pageantry, if you're in the audience, have so much fun with this. Count how many orange gowns you see. I don't care Right, but when you're competing and you're thinking, red looks really good on me, but I haven't seen anybody win in red, and in however many years, so it can't be for me. That's the stuff that so many girls fall into, that it's such a waste of time because, a you have no control over it. B you know what you want, you know what looks good, you know what you love, and so you're battling with yourself of why you're not doing this and why you're doing something else, because you think that's what they want.
Speaker 3:That's another thing. They're not looking for anything. I've said it a million times. They're not looking for anything. They want somebody that shows them why they should pick them. Okay, that's where the coaching comes in. Yada, yada, yada, but those conspiracy type things. Or if your family this isn't true, but for example, if your family wears matching t-shirts, then you're the winner, or if they have the most signs in the audience, you're going to be in top 10.
Speaker 1:Or if you sold the most program book ads.
Speaker 3:Oh, yep, yep, those types of things.
Speaker 1:No, or you've done the most on social media, or you've done the most with your community service program, you've had the most appearances, like all this stuff is somehow going to make you the winner. And if you don't win and that person that did win didn't do as much as you, then, oh my gosh, like they got it wrong and you were just. You know they stole that from you, like. So basically, what we're saying of focusing on the wrong things, it's such a mindset thing. Part of it is preparation, balance. And the other piece is like, if you're focusing on the wrong things, aka the crap in the corner I don't think it's an episode of Sash and Soul if I don't mention that If you're focusing on the crap in the corner, then your mindset glitch and all over the place and that mindset glitch is going to take you out of that mental space of who you actually are. And focusing on your why, focusing on your big picture, focusing on what you're there to accomplish overall in the grand scheme of things, and so focusing on those wrong things, things that just really don't matter, it's not. You're going to lose, and by lose I don't mean you're not going to win the crown, I mean you're going to lose the experience.
Speaker 1:All right, I want to get to the bonus. Before we wrap up. Here I have a bonus. I know this was a top five list, but there was one thing that I was like I cannot like go through this entire episode without saying this the number one I would say the number one overall competition. Please keep that in, because that was great. Competition prep mistake is drum roll, not enjoying yourself, not enjoying the process, not enjoying the journey, not having fun with pageantry and forgetting why you're doing it in the first place. The best advice that I have ever received, ever, ever, ever hands down, is if you're not having fun with this, don't do it anymore.
Speaker 3:It's not worth your time, don't get so caught up in whatever outcome you want that you're not enjoying the week or the weekend or however long it is that you're there. Because the things that I miss the most are not my crowning moments. I don't care how cliche that sounds. Yeah, they were awesome and I'm so grateful I got to experience that. But if I could go back, I would just have a week with all of my Miss America girls again in Orlando, going to Universal, hanging out with all of the close friends that I made that week, because we're probably never going to get that again unless some crazy reunion happens and we all show up in the same place at the same time again. You don't get that back, you guys. You don't get that experience back where you just have a week with maybe it's your family members, spending time with your mom and not thinking about chores to be done in the house or going to work right, and just dressing up, looking cute, making friends. You don't get that experience many times in life, let alone even in pageantry. Nationals happens once a year and if you're lucky to go to nationals every year in a different division, that's still just once a year, right. So enjoy that. That's.
Speaker 3:My biggest regret is when I was younger and a teen and just so caught up in what place I got, I didn't realize how fun it actually was until after it was all said and done. And that's such a terrible feeling when you're just regretting something that you worked so hard for. So the fun during the process absolutely. But then when you get there, too, enjoy the fact that you got to this point and just live and breathe and have a good time with your people. Because, let's be honest, the experience is nothing and I'm talking about winning is nothing if your family or your friends or your closest people are not supporting you or right there along with you. So it's about the people. It's really about the people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I you know, and I am truly speaking from experience with this because you know Lila's talking about. Like you don't want to have those regrets. I do. I do have those regrets from competing at Miss America. I have those regrets from my year as Miss Wisconsin and it's I'm not saying that you'll always be happy, I'm not saying that you're always going to have just joy and fun and all these things, but but it should be the majority. Like you should truly still enjoy what you're doing. It's like you're not going to stay in a relationship if you're not having fun and not happy in it. I mean you might, but we all know that that's not the best idea, right, like we've, we've, yeah, like break up, break up with the pageant if you're really not having fun with it anymore and find something else that you enjoy. So I want to wrap up by just like doing a quick overview, this bonus of like.
Speaker 1:The biggest mistake overall is not enjoying the process. Number one we talked about over-preparing. Over-preparing will steal your joy. You will burn out. You will constantly feel this desperation, this scarcity, this feeling like you're not doing enough, like you're not worthy enough. Number two under-preparing is going to steal your joy because then you're going to get stressed and frantic and frazzled and again, scarcity, desperation, feeling like you're not enough. Number three taking too much advice from everyone and their mother is going to steal your joy because you will be confused, it is going to be overwhelming, you're going to lose sight of what you want and who you really are, and asking everyone for their advice is just not helpful, because not everyone is an expert and even experts only have one perspective and opinion, so you got to follow your own gut.
Speaker 1:Number four not following a budget, not having a budget, spending money on things that are not actually valuable and going to result in you achieving your overall goals, not only for pageantry but for life, is going to steal your joy, because you will be stressed about money, or you'll be stressed that you are investing in the wrong things, or you're going to be comparing to the girls that are buying the couture gowns or paying for the expensive coaches. It's going to be overwhelming. So decide what your budget is, what you are going to invest in for yourself, and follow that. And finally, focusing on the wrong things is going to steal your joy. It's going to take away from enjoying your experience, being happy, loving pageantry because it's going to cause some mindset glitches.
Speaker 1:You might be over prepping in certain areas but focusing on the wrong areas, and then you're going to realize that you didn't do enough in the other areas and then you're going to feel like you are not good enough and it's just oh, it's just a mess down the rabbit hole. So I had to bring that in just to prove my point that this is honestly the biggest prep mistake not enjoying the process. Go easy on yourselves, find that balance. Do the self-development, because when you learn more about yourself, you can choose things that bring you joy and choose the things that are best for you. It all just comes full circle. It's an amazing thing. It's what I preach every single day to my clients and to Lila.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 1:I try practicing preaching to myself. It's just harder that way, trying to live my life that way too. But yeah, like in an essence, just follow your bliss and that's it. That's it for me. I have nothing more to say on this episode, except for skim through the older episodes that we posted over the past. How many months now, lila? March, April, may, june, july oh my gosh, six months.
Speaker 3:Yes, is it our six month anniversary? Wait, when is it? Maybe September 3rd or September 1st, it would be September 1st.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh Happy anniversary, happy anniversary anniversary.
Speaker 3:That is really crazy because you're leaving for Italy around that time the same day. August 31st, so the day before okay, and then we will be out of this apartment in Madison and out of the state by September 1st, and so oh, poetic.
Speaker 1:I love when they be landing in Rome on our anniversary. You're going to be heading to Dallas Like oh my gosh, you guys. Life is so awesome.
Speaker 3:That's it. That's a great way to end this episode. That's all I got. I think it's very self-explanatory and and yes, we do go into a lot of this in a lot of the other episodes we could probably have a whole another five episodes just based on these five things. If you think of anything that you want us to talk about, message us on social media. We're on pretty much every platform and interact with us, because we're nothing if it weren't for you all.
Speaker 1:So yeah, that's that. Yep, I'm just going to like plug again the episodes that we had talked about and maybe a couple of other ones, and we'll have them in the description too. Episode number two competition prep, and what actually matters. Number four is perfect timing embracing the journey. Number seven is money mindset investing in yourself. Number nine is inner circle, building a team and navigating relationships, and I mean there's plenty more after that, but those ones really hit on the topics that we talked about of the top five competition prep mistakes. So with that, everyone, take care of yourselves. Enjoy this kind of closing of the chapter of summer. I know many of you are heading back to school and, um, you know just, we're kind of prepping for the next season of this year, so enjoy that and all of the changes that come with that. And, lila, good luck with moving and so excited for you, and next time I chat with you I'll be in Italy.
Speaker 3:Yes, so exciting. Have fun in Italy and, as always, thank you all for listening and we'll see you next time. Bye, bye, hey everyone. We're so excited to provide a new and exclusive opportunity for our listeners A live coaching opportunity with Rayanna and I here on Sash and Soul. That is completely free to apply and participate.
Speaker 2:If you have a topic question or just need some advice, download the Fearlessly.
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Speaker 2:This featured series in the Sash and Soul exclusives will be available only in the Fearlessly Authentic app, so be sure to download, apply and find more information on our website and social media. We can't wait to chat with you.
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