
Sash & Soul
Welcome to the "Fearlessly Authentic: Sash & Soul Podcast," the show that goes beyond the stage to prioritize mindset, wellbeing, and triumphs in the pageant journey. Each episode explores the power of embracing authenticity, sharing mindset tips, self-care strategies, and inspiring success stories to help you navigate the pageant world with confidence and resilience.
Sash & Soul
#33 Diplomacy in Interview: How to Navigate Tough & Controversial Topics
In today's world, difficult conversations are everywhere - from political debates to social justice issues, current events, and personal values. In pageantry, interviews often require contestants to answer polarizing questions with poise, authenticity, and diplomacy. But how do you navigate these discussions without losing your personality or causing unnecessary division?
In this episode, we break down:
- How to answer tough questions with confidence and tact
- Balancing authenticity with diplomacy in high-stakes interviews
- Critical thinking strategies for discussing controversial topics
- Why staying informed and self-aware is key to thoughtful conversations
- Practical ways to practice and refine your communication skills
Whether you're preparing for a pageant interview, a media appearance, or an everyday discussion, this episode will help you develop the skills to engage in meaningful, respectful, and impactful conversations.
Tune in now and learn how to stay composed, confident, and compelling - no matter the topic!
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Hello everyone. Welcome back to Sash and Soul, so happy to have you here. This week. I've had a really good week actually, like man things. Just I don't know if it was the weather, I don't know if it was just that I was distracting myself with all of my projects galore that I've got going on with Fearlessly Authentic. But man, I just feel really really good, really uplifted. It's been sunny, it's been warmer, it's been a little windy, but we've been able to take the dogs out for a walk a couple of times this week and it just feels really refreshing. Plus, bachelor started again this week. It's my guilty pleasure. I don't really do reality shows outside of Bachelor. It's just been a long time like viewing of it and I understand it's like it's not the greatest in terms of how it represents, how you know women build relationships and things like that. But, like I said, it's my guilty pleasure. So tonight I am heading over to a friend's house and we're gonna we're gonna watch the first episode of this new season and I'm excited for that.
Speaker 1:Just a little more social time, getting myself out of the house, being with three dimensional people. Sometimes that's tough, right, because I'm so much my work is virtual virtually all of my work is virtual, talking to all of you lovely people through Sash and Soul, but also all of my clients virtually through a screen as well. So it's just nice to be with the three-dimensional humans. But, speaking of clients and humans, something that has been coming up for me in the last couple of weeks, kind of emotionally, personally and professionally, of course, with my clients, is all of the stuff that's going on in the country, in the United States right now, globally political issues, social justice issues, all the stuff that the Trump administration has been doing, and it's been a lot and it's been a lot to try and keep up with. But from my perspective, what I have been really trying to manage and have been struggling with a little bit is helping my clients understand, like, where they are coming from in their own unique perspectives and their viewpoints on the issues at hand.
Speaker 1:Because when you, as you know, as you're preparing for a pageant competition, oftentimes you could be thrown a curveball in interview or an onstage question that has to do with what's going on in the world right now, and so we prepare for that. You do mock interviews, you read the news, you listen to podcasts, you watch talk shows like you look at the skim to find out, like the main things that are going on. You do your research and you try not to drive yourself crazy with all of the things that are insane about our world that we can't control. And so, as much as you try and do your due diligence, things are constantly changing and then, within the scope of kind of the turmoil of the very politicized, polarized environment that we find ourselves in right now, with all the changes going on, it's a very complex place to be in to try and maintain your viewpoints based on your morals, your values, your life experiences, and also articulate those in interview in a way that doesn't offend someone and doesn't put someone off or earn you a lower score. So that's what I want to talk about today, because, as a coach, that is one of my biggest values is helping you really understand where you're coming from and understand your viewpoint from your heart, from your intellectual understanding of what's going on in the world, and help you articulate that in a way that is diplomatic, in interview or on stage or at appearances.
Speaker 1:If someone is asking you more controversial questions, which hopefully doesn't happen as often as maybe it used to. Back when I first started competing. A lot of interview prep had to do with knowing exactly who your representatives were in your state and there would just be like curveballs thrown at you and it felt a lot more like interview, was more of an exam or a pop quiz rather than a conversation. And today interview is much more like a conversation. But you still need to be prepared for those curveball questions about politics, about social issues, about global affairs and where you stand in terms of all of those things. So learning how to do that in a way that you are maintaining your sense of self and representing yourself, your family, your community, your title, the organization that you represent as a title holder, are all really key, important factors that make it overwhelming and scary to walk into an interview or any situation where you may be confronted with those tough questions.
Speaker 1:So in Fearlessly Authentic, we do weekly group coaching calls. It's small groups, usually no more than eight people. Lately it's been even smaller than that, which has been nice because it's been nice and like intimate conversations with with attendees. But on Wednesdays we tend to work on interview and we start the conversations by talking about what in the world is going on in the world, and right now I have to work hard to to navigate, understanding and and and valuing and respecting that every single one of my clients in my program have different ideals, have different ideologies, have different perspectives, have different beliefs, come from different backgrounds, maybe different spiritual, religious ideologies. Maybe, like I, have some that are very right-wing conservative and some that are very far left liberal. So trying to navigate conversations and facilitate those conversations in meaningful and respectful ways has been a challenge for me that I deeply, deeply appreciate, because I'm learning so much in the process as well.
Speaker 1:So I want to bring this to the forefront today because I could imagine that this is maybe one of the things that's been on your mind. Unless you live under a rock, you are being exposed to all of these differing opinions, not knowing what's true, what's not. A lot of emotional thoughts being poured out there, on TikTok, on Instagram and various, you know, on Reddit, on different social media pages and platforms. In the news, you know, you turn on any like large scale network and they usually have like an all day talk show where they just bring on experts and they're talking about the same topics over and over again, like a vacuum effect, and so you're being exposed to all this stuff, and I would imagine that you're feeling maybe a little burnt out. So, whether you are on the side of disagreeing with much of what's happening and it's causing emotional turmoil for you, or you're on the side of agreeing with everything that's happening but you're trying to navigate how to exist in this very complex, polarized situation with other people that you're very close to, being diplomatic is a really, really valuable skill to have, so that's what we're going to talk about.
Speaker 1:So I wanted to first start by defining what diplomatic really means. So being diplomatic it means that you are very skillful in managing sensitive situations. So this would be the ability to handle a conversation or an interaction with someone very carefully and tactfully, especially when you're discussing a difficult or controversial topic. It also means, like, maintaining respect and neutrality. So, coming from a place of being more neutral in your communication, expressing your opinions in a way that acknowledges that there are multiple perspectives without causing offense or unnecessary conflict, you want to be really strategic in your communication when you're being diplomatic, and by that I mean choosing your words wisely and conveying thoughts clearly, while creating, fostering understanding, cooperation and some mutual respect amongst the parties. And then, finally, like the last aspect of being diplomatic is being solution-oriented and maintaining your composure, so staying calm, maintaining your professionalism, being focused on a resolution rather than escalating disagreements and sometimes that resolution is agreeing that you disagree for your own respective respectable perspectives.
Speaker 1:Okay, so as we move forward throughout this conversation, my, my intention is to be diplomatic. I'm actually not talking about any of the specific issues that we are seeing, or any of the executive orders or legal battles or social justice issues. I'm not talking about any of those specific things throughout this episode. I am truly just trying to help you develop the skills and the tools to be diplomatic in your communication and be able to move forward in your competition preparation and as a title holder, as a community member, as a leader in your own right, as a family member, as a student, whatever position or title you hold, helping you be diplomatic and stay healthy in your own right within that as well. So I've got five different like steps, so to speak, but really they're just five different sections that I want to talk about today. One of them is developing a strong foundation, and we're going to dive into that a little bit. The next is answering questions diplomatically in an interview. Specifically, that's something that I work on a lot with my clients, and I have been for years now. This isn't new. The next is practicing your own critical thinking skills and exposing yourself to different views. Then we talk about building confidence through practicing. And finally, how do we apply and then elevate your communication skills to maintain that diplomacy? So let's dive in.
Speaker 1:Step one develop a strong foundation. Developing a really strong foundation is really important before you engage in tough conversations, so that you understand your own values, your morals and your beliefs, while also staying open-minded. This is going to help you overcome that fear of discussing really complex issues, and I know, like that is often what I hear going into interviews. I like I'm afraid of the tough questions or I'm afraid of offending someone. Well, the first thing that you have to do in order to overcome that fear is to just know exactly where you come from and why. Okay, and this is important when I say know where you're coming from and why, because someone's going to be able to challenge you a lot easier if you don't actually know how to articulate why you feel that way, and we're going to dive into that too. So, when you're developing a strong foundation, define what you stand for and why. So, in order to do that, you have to reflect on your own values. So that's going to take some time.
Speaker 1:I would suggest doing some journaling. I would look at you know. What are, maybe, your spiritual or religious beliefs? How were you brought up in the world? How, like, how do you exist as a human being? What are your values? Next would be to stay informed and this, I know, is daunting and it's overwhelming and sometimes like I don't even know where to start. I remember that when I first started competing, I was 17. And my family really didn't talk about current events or politics or social issues or anything like that at the dinner table and I really just wasn't interested in any of those of like social studies or anything or government or anything in school either. So I really felt like I was starting at ground zero when it came to trying to figure out how to stay or get informed and stay informed.
Speaker 1:But just some really important tidbits is reading credible news, which I know can be challenging right now of navigating, like, what is the credible news? Where we're not looking at opinion articles, we're not going to sit there and binge watch CNN, msnbc, fox News or any other like major network, because oftentimes they are targeting one specific audience. We're going to work on listening to very different perspectives. So if you're typically exposed to more conservative views, practice exposing yourself to more liberal views and vice versa, and do your research on topics in depth. So come up with your list of all the various different topics, especially the more hard hitting topics, the things that are most relevant right now, and start doing some research on that. Don't go into a doom scroll on TikTok. Don't go into a doom scroll in like a Google search. Really try to search out like those credible arguments and fact checking. Sites as well can be helpful. Sites as well can be helpful.
Speaker 1:Recognize, as you're doing this, as you're doing this research, as you are, you know looking for these credible news sources and listening to different perspectives. Recognize where you have your own bias and emotional triggers that may be influencing your responses. Okay, so that self-awareness piece is so important in developing this strong foundation. Be objective. Be be aware of what what your emotional responses are to, uh, to these issues Like how are you naturally reacting to opposing views? How are you naturally reacting to topics that are controversial and the opposite of what you stand for emotionally? When you can do that, when you recognize how you're emotionally triggered, you can better prepare for how to navigate those topics in the future with your own responses and your self-awareness.
Speaker 1:So that's step one is developing a strong foundation. And again, the more aware that you are of yourself and the more in the know and aware you are of what's going on in the world, the more aware you are of different perspectives, the stronger your foundation, which ultimately is going to help you overcome any kind of fear of these topics to begin with, and I can tell you like fear is very powerful. Fear causes you to run and hide, it causes you to avoid and unfortunately, in the pageant world, you have to. You have to charge head on to a lot of these topics so that you are best prepared in interview and don't get tripped up. Next step two because there's other things that I want to dive into, but I have to remind myself that those steps are coming up.
Speaker 1:The next section is answering questions diplomatically in interview. Okay, so now we've done some research on what the issues are, we've listened to different perspectives, we know our own values, we've got that foundation. Now we have to learn how to answer questions in a way that is diplomatic and interview in a way that is going to, you know, manage sensitive situations. It's going to reflect your ability to be respectful and neutral or strategic in your communication. Maintain your composure. So pageant interviews, as you know, often require addressing these sensitive or controversial topics and you need to address them with poise and diplomacy and feminism and your energy. That showcases who you are as a leader and how you will represent that title. So the way you answer your question is going to reflect your ability to engage in meaningful discussions while maintaining your composure, your clarity and your authenticity Buzzword and one of my favorites.
Speaker 1:So when you're answering questions, sometimes it's important to acknowledge the complexity of the question. Oftentimes, when I'm working with clients, there's this need or maybe you were told at some point that you need to have a very clear opinion. You need to have a clear, black and white answer to whatever the question is, and I say BS to that because there is no way in just our human existence that we can be black and white and clear on every single topic of the world. The world is too complex for us to not have complex emotions and reactions to things, to not have complex emotions and reactions to things. So, acknowledging the complex, complex. Complexity. I wanted to say complexity. That is not a word, I don't think. At least complexity of the question, before sharing your perspective, can actually build some some respect in the room and some understanding.
Speaker 1:So acknowledge the complexity of it, but then don't be afraid to stay true to your values. You can do that while respecting other people's perspectives, and you can frame your responses in a way that highlights and understands the balance that you need to be reflecting in your answer. So use phrases like I personally believe in X, but I understand why other people may feel differently. So, again, it's that idea of like. This is how I see it personally. This is where I am coming from, and acknowledging that it's okay and you respect that other people don't feel the same.
Speaker 1:Using neutral and inclusive language can help you avoid sounding divisive or alienating, and that's kind of the trick here. Right, that's where you would probably offend someone. So instead of saying I disagree, you can say things like I see it, from a different perspective, and then share your perspective, provide thoughtful reasoning and examples that are going to showcase your critical thinking rather than an emotional reaction, and then it's okay to redirect. You can have a more action-oriented message if you need to. So oftentimes I'll say to my clients like have a purpose, have a point, get to a point in your answer. What is your message behind your answer? What is your message behind your answer? So if you're discussing a problem, if you're talking about a particular issue, then you can highlight potential solutions or steps that are being taken towards progress, that this is an ongoing work in progress, as are most issues of our world.
Speaker 1:So in being able to do this and being able to clearly articulate complexity of questions by being able to stay true to your values, but understanding and balance within your answers, using that neutral and inclusive language, you're going to demonstrate the confidence, the leadership skills and the ability to engage in meaningful conversations and that's going to happen both on and off the pageant stage. And meaningful conversations and that's going to happen both on and off the pageant stage. So part of your goal in interview, one of your biggest goals, is to build a relationship with those judges, and the best way to destroy a relationship is by, you know, butting heads with someone and providing like divisive, conflicting conversation, right? So the more diplomatic we can be in interview, the more that you can really be respectful, even though it's not a back and forth conversation, right, like? We don't have the opportunity to ask the judges follow-up questions after they've asked us a question, so we can't. It's not a back and forth conversation, you're just answering the question and so you get to be strategic in how you do that in a neutral and non-divisive way.
Speaker 1:The next piece of being diplomatic in interview and preparing to be diplomatic is practicing your own critical thinking by exposing yourself to different views. This is one of, I think, the best things, the best skills that I got in college. If nothing else, like if I don't remember anything else that I learned in college it was truly like learning how to think for myself, and then my work and practice in interview and pageantry helped me practice how to communicate my thoughts and those critical thinking skills that I have. So critical thinking is really important because it shows that you have an understanding of all sides of an issue and that makes you a more articulate and respected speaker. So when you are able to practice that critical thinking, when you expose yourself to different views, you can engage with diverse sources of information and avoid those echo chambers. Remember when I was talking about like the vacuum of, like the national news? Those are echo chambers. That's where, like people are. You're just surrounding yourself with people that are saying the same thing and have very similar viewpoints to you You're not actually hearing any other perspectives and practicing those critical thinking skills and practicing your ability to articulate why you feel the way that you do, as opposed to why somebody else feels the way that they do.
Speaker 1:One way that you can practice critical thinking skills without you know talking with anybody else or being a part of discussions is by playing devil's advocate with yourself. So what I mean by that is that you have to try and argue the other side of the issue and I do this with my clients as well. When I'm trying to develop those critical thinking skills and when I'm trying to, like help them solidify how they feel about something, I play devil's advocate with them and I try and argue the other side of an issue, just to challenge their thoughts, to challenge the way that they're articulating themselves and to find more depth and reasoning in their own values and personality and lived experience as to why they feel that way. So playing devil's advocate is a really powerful strategy and tool to help you build those critical thinking skills. It's also going to help you better prepare your mind for being in an interview when the judges may play Devil's Advocate with you.
Speaker 1:I had a really tough interview at a national competition once where I had a judge that just kept asking follow-up question after follow-up question about a politically-based topic in my state of Wisconsin and I just stuck to what I was saying and I had my reasoning and I really didn't waver, I didn't flip-flop, but I did my best to be diplomatic and respectful and understanding that there are a lot of different sides to the issue and it's a very complex issue and that judge was hard on me. I thought he did not like me at all but he actually praised me when I was able to get feedback from him after the competition he really appreciated that I stuck to my guns and that I had reasoning behind what I was saying. And that's because I had practiced those critical thinking skills and exposed myself to mock panels with people that played devil's advocate and challenged me. It was because of all the times that I cried after a mock interview, because I felt like an idiot because of all of the devil's advocate questions that were thrown at me, that prepared me for that tough real life experience in an actual competition. So the other way that you can practice these critical thinking skills is to participate in structured and safe discussion. So this could be a debate group, it could be a discussion panel, it could be a one-on-one conversation.
Speaker 1:Find people outside of your echo chamber, outside of your system of beliefs, and have sit-down conversations. You can set ground rules about respect and understanding that you may walk away having completely different views, but that the intention is to learn from one another, not to try and convince the other person that they are wrong and that you are right. That is one thing that we do in Fearlessly Authentic groups is I work very hard, as I mentioned, to create this safe space for you to have these discussions. Hard, as I mentioned, to create this safe space for you to have these discussions. In fact, one of the things that we talk about a lot is that, like, that is your opportunity, in that safe space, to speak your mind. And in speaking your mind, you will learn more because of the reactions of others and because of the feedback that you'll get. It is not meant in any way, shape or form, to make you feel stupid or to criticize you by any means, but just to help you grow.
Speaker 1:And finally this is important, especially right now, and this is like I had this conversation with a client today recognize the difference between facts, opinions and emotional reactions in a conversation. When I'm asking someone why they feel a certain way, just telling me well, that's just because that's how I feel. That's an opinion and an emotional reaction, but it's not backed up by a lived experience or by facts and that's. You know, what we're seeing a lot in the world today is that opinions and perspectives are being formulated based off of emotions, and more often those emotions are fear-based, and so we need to look at things objectively and try and eliminate the fear. And the best way to eliminate the fear is by looking at the facts in many cases. Sometimes the facts will generate more fear, obviously, that's true. But when you are trying to formulate your opinion on something, when you're trying to think critically about something, to formulate your opinion on something, when you're trying to think critically about something, knowing the facts is going to be always your best argument. Your facts or your personal lived experiences with that particular situation are going to be very powerful assets to you when you're communicating how you're feeling, all right.
Speaker 1:Next is kind of a build-off of participating in safe discussions. But we go a step further Building your confidence through practice. So the more you're practicing discussing these tough topics, the better you're going to be able to handle high-pressure moments like pageant interviews, debates, real world discussions. And I see that time and time again with my clients when I'm challenging them in a safe space to think deeper, to talk about things that they don't typically talk about, to better understand where they're coming from, their interview overall, even when we're just talking about personality stuff or leadership traits or their platform or the job of the title holder, their ability to communicate excels and I see exponential growth. So building that confidence through practicing the tough conversations is going to help you really excel and achieve those goals that you have for yourself as a title holder and as a contestant.
Speaker 1:So when you're building that confidence, the safe practice start small, have discussions with close friends or family before engaging in larger forums. And when you're having those discussions again, keep in mind that practicing the critical thinking skills. When you're having those discussions again, keep in mind that practicing the critical thinking skills, play devil's advocate with yourself. Look for the facts behind things, engage with diverse sources. I could almost guarantee that there are people in your circle that have differing opinions from you and seek them out.
Speaker 1:One other thing like I've done this and I've suggested it to clients as well is, if you're in school, especially ask a professor that you have a good relationship with to help you develop some more critical perspective on different topics and just have general conversations. You're going to be able to find a professor that has more of a liberal perspective and you'll be able to find a professor that has more of a conservative perspective, and because they are teachers and educators, they are one of the better options for finding someone that can be a good factual resource for you to help you develop your own confidence in different topics. You can also join groups where controversial topics are discussed in a really respectful and structured manner. I don't really have any suggestions on where to find those groups, but it was just a suggestion that I saw somewhere and I was like, oh, that's a good idea. Maybe it is, you know, women that you compete with and you're like yeah, let's all just get together and talk about these different issues. I want to hear different perspectives and life experience so that I can expand my understanding of it. That might be a really good place for you to start.
Speaker 1:And finally, safe practice could look like working with a coach, but be particular about who you work with, because there are some coaches that are going to be a little more forceful about their opinions for various reasons and I'm not criticizing by any means. Different coaches work for different people. Find a coach that works for you, if that's what you're interested in, but work with a coach who encourages and helps you develop your unique perspective and your unique critical thinking skills. The goal for that coach should always be to help you evolve and help you elevate, not for that coach to push their opinions onto you. Finally, now we need to apply and elevate your communication skills. So when you can master these skills, you are going to elevate your pageant success, your own leadership skills and your personal growth. So two main things when it comes to applying and elevating your communication skills Develop a strategy for answering those tough pageant interview questions right, like know the topics.
Speaker 1:Know if it's one of those questions where you want to be a lot more diplomatic than others. Maybe some questions you're going to be a lot more forthcoming about your opinion because it just is such a strong value to you. And know the conversation topics that may be a little bit more in the gray area for you and how you might approach those and continue refining your skills through public speaking, through mentorship, working with volunteers or friends and through coaching, practice, practice, practice, practice. But don't ever find yourself practicing with someone that is telling you how to say something. You should always be practicing with someone that is helping you figure out the best way for you to talk about that topic or that issue.
Speaker 1:When I'm working with clients again, especially one-on-one, and I've got a client that has a lot of anxiety and mindset glitches about not wanting to offend anyone in an interview or create an opportunity for them for the judges to dislike them because their opinions are so strong, and my response is always this is your safe space, go off, literally, don't hold back. I will rein you in if I feel you need to be reined in because you're at risk of offending someone. But until I do that, I want you to practice being outspoken and being empowered and strong in your opinions. And being empowered and strong in your opinions Because if your intention is to be kind and understanding, your intention is to be educated and open-minded, then that is what the judges will see and feel from you If you're truly being yourself and if you're being authentic and you're showing up knowing who you are comfortable in your own skin.
Speaker 1:If it is not part of your personality to be argumentative or to cause conflict with people, um, chances are that's not going to show up in interview. But find someone that you can practice going all out with, that you can trust will reign you in if you are crossing a line. So those are the five really key steps to building those diplomatic skills so that you can approach interview feeling really confident, really grounded in your foundation of knowing yourself and knowing how you feel about things, in your foundation of knowing yourself and knowing how you feel about things in the world. Knowing that you have the skills to answer questions in a very thoughtful way and knowing that you have practiced your own critical thinking and can trust your gut and trust that you have spent the time exposing yourself to different views and feel very good about being well-rounded, that you have practiced and build your confidence through safe spaces and safe practice and have elevated your communication skills. So, overall, mastering these tough conversations isn't necessarily about avoiding conflict. It's about learning how to engage with confidence, with respect, with critical thinking.
Speaker 1:Start small you guys Like this feels overwhelming. I know it does. I've been where you are especially well. Honestly, like I've probably like been in the space that, in the, in the stage that you're in, whether you are starting off and don't really know where to begin, or you've been doing this for years and you're just kind of finding yourself trying to fine tune how to approach conversations like this and interview and make sure that you are standing up for yourself and for your, your beliefs, but also maintaining the, the presence that you want to present in that room and build relationships and build connects to connections. But start small, wherever you're at practice Um, and by practice I don't necessarily mean mock interviews where you're just going to get a whole lot of feedback.
Speaker 1:I mean practice, having these conversations with a variety of people and always lead with your heart, with true intentions, but with that diplomatic um, but with that diplomatic energy, right, okay, I hope that this particular episode finds you in a space of like, being open to learning about different perspectives and knowing that this time, whether you are on the side of, you know, celebrating what's going on in our country right now, or if you're on the side of really struggling with it, no matter what side you're on, I hope that this finds you in a space of being open and trying to come together to find resolution in an effort to move forward, to move our society, to move humanity forward in a really beautiful direction where we can all thrive and coexist in meaningful, wonderful ways, in the way that we're supposed to, as worthy human beings on this earth.
Speaker 1:So, with that, thank you so much for listening. If you are looking for more resources on refining your interview skills, on how to approach interview, knowing that you may be faced with some of these tough questions based on, maybe, your platform or your education or your career, or on the pageant organization that you are part of, please reach out, dm me, click the link to sign up for a consultation. Whatever avenue you want to do in order to get in touch with me, I would be happy to sit down and chat with you about where you're at and talk about your goals and where you wanna be, and provide as many resources I can to aid you in your success along the way. So, with that, thank you so much, have a great week and I can to aid you in your success along the way. So, with that, thank you so much. Have a great week and I will talk to you again next Friday. Bye, guys.