#38 Remembering Your Worth

Worthiness sits at the core of how we view ourselves, yet many of us struggle to grasp this fundamental truth: we are worthy simply because we exist. This episode explores the critical difference between inherent worth and contextual value – a distinction that transforms how we handle rejection, failure, and self-doubt.

Growing up with conditional approval taught me to equate accomplishments with worthiness. I became the "responsible one," the helper, the achiever – tying my identity to external validation until failures felt like proof of my unworthiness. Through years of healing, I've discovered that worthiness isn't something we earn but something we remember, buried beneath layers of conditioning and comparison.

The most liberating realization? Worth is unchanging while value fluctuates. Worth is who you are; value is how you show up. When rejection happens, it's not evidence of unworthiness but simply misalignment. By practicing authenticity over performance, setting boundaries without guilt, and surrounding ourselves with people who see our inherent value, we can break free from the endless pursuit of external validation.

Whether you're weathering hardship, facing self-doubt, or trying to silence limiting beliefs, remember this truth: you are worthy always, period. Your mistakes don't define you. Your achievements don't increase your worth. You are enough exactly as you are, and that will never change.

Chapters

• 0:00 Spring Arrival and New Beginnings
• 2:43 Defining Worthiness: Inherent Not Earned
• 6:31 Worth vs. Value: Important Distinctions
• 13:52 Rediscovering Worthiness Through Authenticity
• 17:43 Daily Practices for Embracing Self-Worth
• 22:12 Closing Thoughts and Resources

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:28

Hi guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul. I'm so happy to have you here today with me. On this beautiful sunny day, I'm looking out at blue skies and I am absolutely loving it. Two days from yesterday is spring. So you know, we're almost there, you guys. We've reached the home stretch of this winter.

Speaker 1: 0:53

I am not a winter girl. I need my warm weather, I need my sunshine, I need my long days. So I'm very, very excited for the change in season. I also, like I just got back from a long weekend in Florida where it was beautiful and 70s and sunny every day and just perfect, perfect weather. So I was sad to come home, but again looking forward to the weather warming up and, you know, leaning into just kind of I don't know something about spring that just feels like kind of a fresh start. I just feel rejuvenated and my energy increases and clarity, it just yeah. So I'm ready for it. I hope that you are feeling that same level of hope and excitement and anticipation. Also, I got a new microphone and I was doing a sound check before I hit record and I'm, like, very happy with it, very excited about it, because my other microphone was picking up on all the outside noise, my dogs barking in the background, and any time I moved I felt like I could hear just the tiniest of sounds and I was like man. My listeners must find that really annoying. So, anyway, I hope this is better for you.

Speaker 1: 2:12

I'm excited about it, but today we're going to dive in. We're going to talk today about worthiness and especially how to reclaim your sense of self-worth when you're in the middle of hardship, when you're facing adversity, when you're experiencing self-doubt or limiting beliefs. So we're going to do a deep dive. I want to acknowledge first that this is a really personal and vulnerable conversation and it may be one that many of us struggle with, but don't often talk openly about it. So I want to bring that to the table today and I hope that you can lean into this deeper message and find the overall conversation helpful. Wherever this finds you today, I know myself this topic is definitely hitting home for me. So, as I was researching worthiness and what it means to be worthy and the difference between worthiness and value and how that relates to our relationships with other people, it was really really insightful for me and just you know, kind of being able to figure out how, first of all, like see how far I've come, but then also figure out the ways that I can continue to remember my own sense of self-worth and develop the realization of the value that I bring to the world, because those are two separate things that we are going to talk about today. So let's dive in First.

Speaker 1: 3:43

What is worthiness? This question has been such a difficult question for me to find the answer to and to like not even just find the answer, because I feel like I've been told what worthiness is so many times, but to like conceptualize it has been really difficult. So basic, basic definition is that worthiness is not something that we earn. It is something that we inherently have. It means that each and every one of us is deserving of love, of respect and belonging without conditions, which is so hard for us to grasp as human beings because so much of our lives are conditional. So it's not something that you have to earn, to achieve or to prove. Worthiness simply exists because we exist.

Speaker 1: 4:41

Worthiness is not based on your success. It's not based on external validation or perfection. It doesn't disappear when we make mistakes or don't meet expectations. And that, I think, is the disconnect, because we always feel like we have to earn worthiness, like we have to do something to be worthy. Worthiness is the foundation of our being. It is this unfailing truth that we are enough, just as we are, even when we grow, when we change, when we evolve. So this means that you don't have to hustle for approval. You can recognize that you have imperfections and see those imperfections, but still see yourself as valuable.

Speaker 1: 5:22

When you have a sense of worthiness, you allow yourself to take up space to use your voice and to set boundaries with other people without guilt, which can be so very difficult to do. And mostly, you don't let your failure or your rejection, or any rejection that you may feel, define who you are and define your identity. In essence, our self-worth is not something that we just discover someday. It's actually something that we remember because it has always been there. It just gets buried under layers of very early conditioning and conditional love in comparison and the need for external validation. It gets buried in perfectionism, in our fear of failure, in trauma and past rejection and that myth of not enough. These are all things that are going to make us believe that worth is something that we need to earn.

Speaker 1: 6:20

So I personally used to rely on validation through my accomplishments and through external praise, and that reinforced the limiting belief that worth was something that I needed to earn rather than something that just is part of who I am. It was my way of combating emotional invalidation and rejection, and so I felt, in the wake of trauma and mental health struggles, that my worth would be defined by. You know, if I can prove myself, if I can accomplish more, if I can do things that are worthy of praise, then I was somehow worthy. So at home, I was praised and celebrated for being like a responsible big sister, and I was this helper to my mom of seven kids, and she also ran a full-time daycare, and so I was the one that was this accomplished dancer. I got good grades. I was very helpful around the house. I got good grades. I was very helpful around the house like my responsibility, and, you know, stepping up to the plate became, like this, powerful part of my identity and something that you know I cra its own challenges of grief and shame and guilt. And so then I relied even further on the spotlight and the admiration from friends and family and, of course, you know, in pageantry, perfect strangers as validation that I was good enough, because when you're celebrated for being really strong and stepping up in the midst of trauma and grief. It makes it even harder to recognize that you are worthy simply because you exist, not because of what you do for other people.

Speaker 1: 7:58

My sense of worth came from taking care of other people and being responsible, so therefore, the more that I did, the better I felt, the more at peace I felt with myself. And then, at the same time and this is you know, where it gets really painful is that any mistakes or failures that I had were deeply painful because I attached them to my identity. It wasn't that I made a mistake, it's that I was the mistake. So it's taken a lot of time for me to reclaim and unearth and remember my sense of self-worth, and I think time and separation from the trauma and the people involved has brought a lot of that healing, as well as therapy and healthy relationships that I've sought out and developed. And I also think that, as I've leaned into the different things that make me unique my personal identity and the aspects of who I am has really helped me rediscover my worth, just as I am.

Speaker 1: 8:58

My worth is not dependent on what I do, but is everything about inherently who I am. Our worth comes from existence, existence itself. It does not come from what we do or how well we perform or what others think of us. If you think about it this way, a newborn baby is worthy without having to accomplish anything, and if you put yourself in that same likeness, you're worthy simply because you're alive, because you're alive, because you're breathing and because you're present in this world. It is really easy to believe that worth is something that we have to prove, because society teaches us that value is transactional. But think about this If you were standing on a deserted island with no one around to validate your existence, would you still be worthy? If you never achieved another milestone or won another award or received another compliment, would you still be worthy? The answer to both is yes, because worth is not dependent on recognition or contribution. It exists because you exist. Any mistakes, any failures or even causing harm do not take away your worth.

Speaker 1: 10:24

As I said, worth is not transactional. It doesn't decrease when you mess up and it actually doesn't get bigger when you succeed either. Your worth is just as it is. You can do bad things and still be good. Growth and accountability are really important, but they don't determine your worthiness. So a key to rediscovering your own worth is learning to separate that external validation that we so often crave from your own internal worth, understanding that success and titles and praise do not define you. So, in addition to that, we have to recognize there's a difference between worth and value, and this was one of the most interesting things that I kind of uncovered as I was doing this research, because oftentimes we combine those two or think of worth and value as the same thing, but they're not.

Speaker 1: 11:28

Worth is intrinsic, it does not change. You are worthy simply because you exist. Value, though, is contextual. It is how your presence, your skills or your contributions affect other people in different situations. So think of it this way Worth is who you are, value is how you show up. Worth is constant, never changing.

Speaker 1: 11:56

Value fluctuates depending on the role that you're in your relationships and many other external factors, but, as I said, the problem is we often tie our value to how others perceive us, believing that if we're valuable, then people will stay. So this is where relationships and belonging and fear of rejection comes into play. So this fear of rejection is because, if someone doesn't see our value, we assume that we're not worthy, but the truth is that rejection is not any kind of proof of unworthiness. It's just misalignment, meaning that you know, if our value is going to fluctuate depending on you know those relationships and on the role that we play, someone else may not need that in this moment. So them not needing it is just a disconnect. It's not any kind of sign that or evidence that you are not valuable. So when we detach our worth from again that external validation what other people choose to do, think or say then that rejection loses its power over you.

Speaker 1: 13:24

So how do we rediscover our worthiness? We rediscover our worthiness by practicing authenticity, not performance. Authenticity is going to lead to real belonging. So when authenticity is at the core of how you show up, it's going to shift the focus from being valuable to others to being true to yourself. Authenticity is about expression, it's not about perception. When you are being authentic, you are being authentic. You are behaving as your true, real, transparent self. You're not worrying about what other people perceive of you.

Speaker 1: 14:08

I think that that's a problem when we use the authenticity buzzword is that we worry that other people aren't going to see us as authentic. But it's not about whether someone else thinks we are being authentic or not. It's about whether or not we are being authentic. People are going to perceive what they perceive, so it's not about how others receive you, but it's about the fact that you're showing up as yourself, completely unapologetically. What is your pure and positive intention? So, when this fear of not being valuable creeps in, the real question becomes am I being honest with myself and am I honoring my truth? Am I showing up in a way that reflects who I really am? So then, if the answer is yes, then your value is already there. It's already present because you're living it rather than trying to prove it. And then the ironic thing is, the more we stop chasing external validation, the more we naturally attract the right people, the right opportunities and the right relationships that genuinely align with us.

Speaker 1: 15:23

So, in effort to rediscover your worthiness, it's going to take a lot of self-reflection and self-awareness, first identifying where your beliefs about worthiness come from, as I did earlier in this conversation, and challenge the negative stories that you tell yourself. That's really difficult. Just like any limiting belief, it is a belief that is ingrained in you, and it's going to take work and effort and consistency to change the habit of thinking that way into a new habit of healthy, accurate, helpful thinking. And this is where asking for help is going to be one of the best things that you can do for yourself, whether that is reaching out to a therapist or working with a mindset coach. If what your limiting beliefs about your worthiness are related to is some type of goal that you're trying to achieve and you just keep kind of hitting these walls, asking for help from a loved one, someone that you can trust, it's going to take mindset shifts about understanding what worthiness actually is.

Speaker 1: 16:39

So, as I said, worthiness is something you inherently have. It's a birthright. It is not something that you earn, and your struggles do not define you. Your mistakes do not define you. Your perceived failures do not define you. Your behaviors, your actions do not define you. How you respond to them does that's the important thing what is your intention? Own those things. So some daily practices for you that will help you embrace your own worth are affirmations.

Speaker 1: 17:15

But when I talk about affirmations, I'm talking about affirmations. But when I talk about affirmations, I'm talking about affirmations that actually work right, like I think. So often we go to these like extremely positive affirmations that, like you, just don't quite believe, and that's the problem with so many affirmations, you want to find affirmations that are neutral enough, that help uplift you, that your brain is going to grasp onto as accurate and true. So affirmations like I'm enough just because I exist. I am enough just because I exist. Another practice for you is to start setting boundaries and learning to say no without feeling guilty. I'm sure many of you have heard of the let them theory by Mel Robbins. I bring it up to my clients are like, oh, yeah, yeah, I love her, I love that. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm late to this party but I'm listening to the let them Theory by Mel Robbins.

Speaker 1: 18:20

And when I think about setting boundaries and learning to say no without guilt, and when I think about external validation, I think about the Let them Theory because Mel Robbins talks about how the basic law of human nature is that we cannot control what anybody else says, does or thinks. And so, in knowing that, then we need to take ownership of how we behave, because no one else controls that, take ownership of the things we say, because no one else can own that or take responsibility for that things we say because no one else can own that or take responsibility for that. And when we set boundaries and say no, we don't have to hold on to any of the reactions that we might be met with, in that we don't have to own or feel responsible for someone else being uncomfortable when we set a boundary or tell them no. We also need to recognize and celebrate progress. I mean, we hear this so often now, like it's like a constant meme everywhere progress, not perfection, celebrate the little wins.

Speaker 1: 19:35

When we were talking in the February masterclass on confidence and the winning mindset, I was sharing the confidence formula and it's basically this cyclical pattern of take a small action, celebrate the wins, build confidence off of those wins, and that confidence will lead to more action, and that action will lead to more wins, which will lead to more confidence, and that will lead to more action, and it just keeps kind of snowballing in that way. As long as you are focusing on the progress that you're making, focusing on the wins and really celebrating those, and not aiming for some high level of elite, whateverness, that is perfection. And finally and this is one that I really want to lean into for myself is surrounding yourself with people who remind you of your worth, especially when you forget. This isn't about surrounding yourself with people that are going to boost your ego. That's external validation. We're trying to learn how to find and remember our worthiness without that external validation, but sometimes we need a little boost. So surround yourself with the people who genuinely love you and see you for who you are, and also the people that recognize that they have worth as well. You think, when we are surrounding ourselves with people who live by the example of which we want to live by, that's going to help reinforce these healthy changes and behaviors that we want to experience ourselves, enforce these healthy changes and behaviors that we want to experience ourselves.

Speaker 1: 21:20

So, in essence, in closing, to wrap this up, you are worthy, always, period. Your value will change in different spaces, but that does not change your worth. The fear of rejection and abandonment is very, very real, but it does not define you. The more you embrace your self-worth without any conditions, including your own, the less power that external validation has over you. So with that, I am going to leave you with that statement yet again, because I think it should be the most important thing that you hear today you are worthy always, period, period.

Speaker 1: 22:24

Stay well, my friends. I will talk to you again next week and be sure to look into some of the opportunities to dive in deeper to your own mindset, work and professional skill development through the Fearlessly Authentic app. Schedule a call with me if any of this resonates with you. Schedule a call with me if any of this resonates with you and you want to talk deeper about developing your sense of self-worth and recognizing the value that you bring to the table and eliminating that fear of rejection and what other people may or may not think of you, because that is the work that I love to do. All right, my friends, I will see you next week. Bye.