Sash & Soul

#41 From First Runner-Up to...?: Overcoming the Fear of ‘Backsliding’ in Competition

Raeanna Johnson

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Fear of "backsliding" in pageant placement haunts even the most accomplished contestants. That nagging anxiety—what if I don't do as well as last year? What will people think if I was first runner-up and don't even make top five this time? As a former Miss Wisconsin who lived this exact experience, I understand this pressure intimately.

When we've tasted success in pageantry, we often create impossible expectations for ourselves. We compare ourselves not just to other contestants but to previous versions of ourselves, forgetting how much we've grown in a year. This mindset trap attaches our self-worth to placement results, creating a pressure cooker of anxiety that can sabotage our performance.

The truth? Every competition brings a completely different playing field. New judges with different preferences. New contestants with unique strengths. And most importantly—a new you with additional life experience and personal growth. Your placement changes don't define your value; they simply reflect the inherently subjective nature of pageantry in constantly changing circumstances.

Breaking free requires a fundamental shift in perspective. Instead of focusing on factors beyond your control (judges' opinions, other contestants' performances), direct your energy toward what you can influence: your mindset work, preparation quality, and connection to your "why." When you focus on personal growth rather than placement, you never truly "backslide"—you simply evolve.

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Speaker 1:

Hey everyone, welcome back to Sash and Soul. I hope you're doing well. I hope that everything is going amazingly in your life right now, that competition prep is fantastic, that if you're on spring break, you're really enjoying yourself, that if you've got midterms going on, that you are killing it. I just hope you're in a really good spot, because we all deserve to be feeling really good right now. And if you're not feeling great right now, I hope that you are taking care of yourself and really taking that extra time for self-care, because you deserve it. You should feel good. I want you to feel good. We deserve to feel good as human beings. So I hope that's where you're.

Speaker 1:

At Me, I'm in the zone of kind of so-so, like there's a lot of things that are going well, and then there are other things that are kind of eating me up inside a little bit, just some like personal life things, so really trying to practice all of the skills that I have to maintain just my overall wellness. So there's never like real consistency, I don't think, in terms of what's happening to us in our lives, but there can be consistency in how we take care of ourselves and how we show up. So with that, let's dive into the episode today. Today I want to talk about backsliding in pageant placement. How do we overcome the anxiety and the fear of potentially not placing as well as we did last year or not winning if we were first runner up last year? How do we overcome that anxiety and completely reframe this journey to competition and so that we show up at our very best? So this is stemming from conversations with clients this past week, because I have a handful of clients that did very well competition-wise in terms of placement last year some overall interviews, some top five placements and they're coming back this year with every hope and dream and goal of becoming the title holder and going to the national level with that title and experiencing the entire year the wonderful year that it is full of its ups and downs as a state title holder. For many of my clients that looks like being in the Miss America organization. Others are in Miss USA, but we're all kind of in that boat of we've been successful. How do we maintain this energy? How do we come back as good or better and stay focused on being prepared for the state competition?

Speaker 1:

This is also stemming from my own personal experience. So if you're new, let me just give you the rundown of my experience competing my third year at Miss Wisconsin. I placed first runner up, so I had that experience holding hands. Final, to being told, the first runner up has the responsibility of taking over if, for any reason, the new title holder cannot fulfill the duties for the rest of the year. And I just happened to be a first runner up to Miss Wisconsin 2011, laura Kepler, who went on to win Miss America 2012.

Speaker 1:

So, for me, I actually lived out that experience of being approached by the Miss Wisconsin Board of Directors asking if I was willing and able to take over the title of Miss Wisconsin that year. And so I had questions. But those questions were answered and one of the biggest questions was I'm young enough where I have a few more years left of eligibility. Can I come back and compete again, even if I were to take over this title? Because I would love to have the entire year and I would love the opportunity to compete at Miss America. That has been my dream since starting in this organization. And when would love the opportunity to compete at Miss America? That has been my dream since starting in this organization, and when they said that the national rule stated that since I hadn't competed at Miss America, that I was eligible to come back and compete for the state title again. I was all in. I was nervous but excited for this whirlwind.

Speaker 1:

That was six months of my life of taking over the title of Miss Wisconsin for Laura, and so I had hands-on experience of doing the job of Miss Wisconsin and also just a very humbling, overwhelming experience of filling some really big shoes and the kind of the pressure that came with that too. So I took over as Miss Wisconsin for six months. I gave up the title, I took the next couple of years to finish my college degree and then I came back to compete as a local title holder at Miss Wisconsin for my fourth and final opportunity to win the title and to go to Miss America. And so coming back to compete with that experience and that level of pressure, that internal pressure that I was placing on myself, but also understanding that there were a certain level of expectations of me from other people and other various pressures, it was a lot, and so I really had to work through a lot of the mindset glitches that we all work through and that all of you struggle with, even without having been a former title holder at that level before.

Speaker 1:

There's always that pressure that we feel, but for some reason we tend to exaggerate it internally because we do this thing of like comparing against like ourselves, of who we were last year, or the fear of not doing as well this time, or fear of what other people will think if you don't place as high and if you don't place as well as you did the year before, does that mean that there's something wrong with you?

Speaker 1:

Did you fail? Are you not good enough? It's also hard because, like you, hate the idea of others feeling sorry for you if you don't win or if you don't place as high, and I completely understand that when you've been to that level, when you've been a top five finisher or first runner up, like the scariest part of coming back this is something that one of my clients said the scariest part of coming back is the crowning moment, otherwise known as the unknown, because when you get to that crowning moment, nobody really knows what the outcome is going to be, except for, probably, the MC that is looking at the results in their hands at that moment and the tabulators that just got done, writing it down on the piece of paper for the MC to read out loud, right? So it's like that scary part of the unknown and it happens so quickly and yet feels like it's taking forever to find out the results and then, once the results are stated, like it's done right. I remember when I was first runner up and they called Laura as the winner and I don't actually remember they may have called me as first runner up first and then her as the winner after that. When that happened, it was so quickly, like okay, I'm done, like I'm out of the running. It wasn't me and I took. I don't remember if I hugged her I don't quite remember I'd have to look at the video honestly but took the flowers, waved, walked away to the side of the stage and I remember distinctly standing there watching her have the sash placed on her, have the crown put on and take her runway walk as the new Miss Wisconsin and feeling like it all happened so fast, it was so final, but also knowing like I'm okay, like this is okay, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, and there's a myriad of feelings that you feel in that moment. Right, if you're standing there in the top 10 and your name isn't called into the top five, it's very much like, oh, sudden doneness, like it's just over, right.

Speaker 1:

Or if you're standing there in the top five and they call you as fourth runner up, like I've been there too and it's just like, oh, this is it Like done, there's nothing I can do about this, this is over. I had that feeling at Miss America, where I wasn't called as a top 15 finalist and I was like, oh my gosh, like this is it, this is, it's so final. And so we know, like that, that is so final, it's so done and we've worked so hard and so long and we poured our heart into this and it's that final moment and it feels like it took forever to get there, but then it happens and it's over so quickly. So I know that that's like the scariest part. So we have all of that in our mind as well as we're preparing to go into competition again.

Speaker 1:

So, having said all of that and understanding just like the depths and intricacies of that anxiety that you may be feeling, the goal of this episode is to work on reframing our perspective of any kind of placement changes that may or may not occur this year. I mean, you may go and place the exact same as you did last year. Or you may go and place higher, or you may go and not place at all, like there is just so much unknown. So we need to reframe this, why placement changes may happen, so that we can look at it a little bit more objectively and stop attaching our worth to the outcome of the competition. I also want to focus on in this episode, focusing on what we can control, because there is so much angst and anxiety that becomes that much larger and continues to grow when we're focusing on all the things outside of our control.

Speaker 1:

Because, as humans, we just have this need to focus on the things, this need to control things so that we feel some semblance of security. And when you're going into any type of competition, whether it's sports or it's an intellectual competition or it's a pageant competition there's so much unknown, which is all the things that we can't control. So, focusing on what we can control instead to try and keep your sanity and to show up as your best self, and then keeping your eyes on the big picture why are we competing in the first place? Okay, that is always like the go-to If you're struggling with reframing your thoughts on placement, if you're struggling to focus on what you can control, then we need to shift completely away from all of that and focus on why you're doing this in the first place. Get back to the basic foundational perspective of if it's your service initiative, if it's to prove something to yourself or to your younger self, if it is to make a difference, if it is to earn scholarship money, like, whatever your big picture is like, picture yourself in that place of being the title holder or of achieving your goal. Focus on that and that can sometimes kind of lift you out of that yuck and that darkness that is focusing on the things that we can't control. Okay, so let's get into it.

Speaker 1:

That was a really long intro and let's dive in. First of all, let's talk about why we backslide in placement in the first place, and I have to tell you that backsliding came out of my mouth during a coaching call recently because I didn't quite know how else to explain it and I think it has a really negative connotation and I don't mean for it to, but all of a sudden I just started calling it backsliding, and it's also in part because there is a New Girl episode. If you watch New Girl with Zooey Deschanel, my husband and I are kind of obsessed with it. It's one of those shows that we just have on in the background as a feel-good show, and there's an episode where they talk about dating people that they had broken up with in the past and they call it backsliding, and so, for some reason, that's just where my head went. So that's where the term backslide came from, in case you were wondering but why do we backslide in placement?

Speaker 1:

So there are a lot of internal factors and then there are some external factors. So the internal factors are actually things that, arguably, we have a little bit more control over, and the external factors are the things that we don't have any control over. So internal factors would be your mindset, the anxiety that you're feeling or performance changes. External factors would be the judges, other contestants and the fact that pageants are subjective. So with internal factors, there's a lot of increased pressure. So when I say that, the more success that we've had, the more pressure that we put on ourselves, so it may just be that you have this additional pressure on yourself as a returning contestant because you want to place this year, you want to perform better than you did last year, so you don't even have to have been like a runner-up last year for you to have increased pressure. If you're a returning contestant, the more success we've had, we tend to like have higher expectations of ourselves, and so that pressure is really coming from inside of us.

Speaker 1:

We also can fall victim to this comparison trap, and so frequently we're talking about comparison and we're usually talking about it in terms of comparing ourselves to other contestants or other people. But when we're coming back and we're competing against an old version of ourselves and how well we did in the past, now we're measuring ourselves against past versions of ourselves, and the problem with that is when we are comparing ourselves to past versions of ourselves is that we're not embracing our own growth. There's a lot that has happened to you in the last 12 months since you last competed for this dang title, and you have to keep that in mind that you're growing in your preparation for becoming and being the title holder and succeeding in this competition and succeeding in this job. A lot of that comes from your lived experiences throughout that year and the processing that you've done since the last time you've competed. There's so much of that personal growth and so oftentimes oftentimes I am telling my clients remember that your preparation for this job, for this role, is coming from primarily, your lived experiences and the things that you are pursuing, outside of pageantry. That makes you who you are and that develops the skills that you're bringing to the table. Yes, of course we grow in other areas too that are pageant specific. Of course we do, but when we're talking about doing the job and winning the title and going on to a national competition, so much of that actually comes from your lived experience.

Speaker 1:

So don't fall into that comparison trap of comparing yourself to who you were last year, especially if you're thinking for some reason you're not as good as you were last year, because that's just a flat out lie. And finally, these internal factors are performance differences, things that you may have changed from last year in your preparation. So this can be like nerves are going to get in the way of the way that you perform, your mindset will influence the way that you perform, and your preparation is going to play a role each and every year With that. It's important to remember that you may be a little bit rusty from where you were last year, whether that's your talent or walking or interview or onstage question but again, remember that you have grown in this past year as well. So you're going to be bringing a lot of those new tools and insights to the table and so that when you dive back into practice that is, mock interviews or working with a coach it's going to come back to you like riding a bike and in so many ways it's going to be better than you were last year. So keep that in mind. It's your mindset of feeling, of telling yourself that you're not as prepared as you were last year. You're not as good as you were last year. You're more rusty than you were last year. That's actually what's going to cause performance changes, more so than your actual skillset. So don't let yourself tell you that you're not ready. Remind yourself that, yes, preparation is key to your success, but also knowing that you have personally grown and developed and you have new goals and aspirations and value that you're bringing to the table this year. So all of that stuff is important to remember that these internal factors play a role, and probably play a role arguably more than the external factors, but at the end of the day, they're also the things that you have a lot more control over, which can also be intimidating and overwhelming. That's why you need to work with someone that's an awesome mentor or a coach that helps you with mindset, or stay close to those friends that keep building you up and reminding you of the value that you bring to the table. There's lots of different tools and skills that you can use to support your success on the internal front.

Speaker 1:

Next, the external front the judges, the contestants, the fact that pageants are subjective Bottom line every single competition. Every year at state competition, there is a new judging panel. This new judging panel is coming to the table with different opinions, different preferences and they're going to be scoring a little bit different because of those different opinions, different preferences, different experiences and just the fact that they're completely different people. So this new judging panel is going to be completely out of your control. You cannot control what the judges think to it or say. You cannot control what they ask you in interview. All you control is, again, your preparation, your mindset and the way that you show up at the end of the day, what you bring to the table. So this external factor of the new judging panel may influence and I'm not saying it will, but may influence where you place differently at competition this year.

Speaker 1:

Next, there is a whole new group of contestants. That means brand new dynamics, brand new strengths and values that they're bringing to the table and a completely different competition level. Sometimes you go to state and it's a whole lot of newbies. That doesn't mean that they are not as skillful or capable or competitive, because you've seen it, I'm sure you have of the newbies coming in and sweeping everything. They're fresh, they are prepared, they have something excitable in them that the judges just gravitate towards and that has nothing to do with anything other than it's just who they are and what they're bringing to the table. And maybe they don't have some of these mindset glitches that others that have been there year after year after year have, that have been ingrained in limiting beliefs and are actually affecting their performance. Because when you're new and you have no expectations of yourself, sometimes it's easier to have a lot more fun and just show up and show out.

Speaker 1:

Finally, as we know, pageants are subjective. A different year does not mean that you're less worthy, it's just a completely different playing field. So keep that in mind, right? So these external factors are things that we cannot control. All we can control is how we show up and what we are focusing all of our attention on. So try not to focus your attention on the things that you can't control. Those are all reasons why we may backslide in placement, but they also may be reasons why you win it this year. Maybe you have an incredible mindset, maybe you've let go of all of these things that have held you back in the past. Maybe you are completely indifferent about who else is competing and who the judges are, and you just show up lighter and better this year. So all of these factors may be why you backslide, but they could also be reasons that you succeed as well. Keep that in mind, all right.

Speaker 1:

Next, how do we break free from this fear of placing lower? This is so essential. Number one and I recently talked about it in an episode, I don't remember the number in an episode, I don't remember the number detaching your self-worth from placement. Oh, this is so hard to do, but we have to remind ourselves over and over and over again, until it becomes a habit of thought, that placing lower does not mean that you are less than it means that the results just played out differently. This time, your value is not defined by a placement or by a title. This is one of the most difficult lessons that we need to learn in pageantry.

Speaker 1:

I'm also afraid that this is one of the reasons that we struggle with mental health issues as pageant women that because we put ourselves out there and, yes, like there's all these wonderful, valuable things. From competing, we gain valuable skills, we do gain confidence, we gain friendships, we gain opportunities, all of these things. But at the same time that we're gaining all of these, there's something that we do to ourselves, whether it's a combination of things or not, but it could be the pressure, it could be being angry at ourselves for not succeeding, it could be fear of what other people think of us. All of these things like compound into creating a lack of self-worth for ourselves, rather than what we're in it for is to create and build a stronger sense of self. Next, we have to shift the focus from the external to the internal. So we just got done talking about what all the external factors are and what all the internal factors are.

Speaker 1:

We spend so much energy stressing out about what's out of our control. We do it every single day. So instead of focusing on all the things that are outside of our control, we have to focus on our performance, regardless of the outcome, our feelings about our growth, how we use this experience to improve. We have to focus on the things that mean something to us. If we are doing this for fun, let's focus on the fun.

Speaker 1:

What is fun about this? It's fun to get dressed up. It's fun to do your makeup. It's fun to meet new people. It's fun to be able to perform. It's fun to get flowers from your friends and family. It's fun to do your makeup. It's fun to meet new people. It's fun to be able to perform. It's fun to get flowers from your friends and family. It's fun to be on stage. It's fun to be in heels, like it's the whole process. There's so much that's fun about it. So focus on the fun and focus on the opportunities that you have and focus on the growth that you've experienced. Focus on all of these things that uplift you, and I've been talking about that recently too.

Speaker 1:

When you're focusing on the things that are outside of your control, the things that bring you down, the things that frustrate you, when you just sit there in this like echo chamber of anger, frustration, irritability, complaining, all you're going to do is feel those things. That's it, and that's not helping you, because what you think influences the way you feel, influences the way you behave, influences the action that you take, influences the outcome. So if you don't want a negative outcome, then you got to go way back to the start of that and start focusing on the way that you're thinking. If your thoughts are negative, if your thoughts are critical, if your thoughts are that of irritability and just reacting to things, then your thoughts are ultimately going to be influencing the outcome. So if your thoughts influence the outcome, how easy is it for you to just start thinking about something different? It's easier than having to deal with the negative outcome. It's easier than feeling crappy all the time.

Speaker 1:

So instead, let's focus on the things that build us up. Let's focus on the things that feel good. Let's change our perspectives on things. Let's reframe how we see competition. Let's reframe how we see women that intimidate us. Let's reframe how we see interview and our fear of talking to the judges or anything else that's kind of eating you up inside. Let's reframe those things into more of a neutral perspective or into something that is positive and uplifting to you, because when you can shift your focus to internally thinking better thoughts and having better feelings, then you will have a better outcome period Hands down. There's no argument about that. Come at me if you disagree and I would love to chat with you about it, but that's where I stand.

Speaker 1:

Next, after we've figured out that we need to shift our attention away from the things that we can't control, now we have to take action on the things that we can control. So there's a few things that we can take action on. Number one mindset work. Number two preparation. Number three reconnecting with your why. All three of those things are things that you can control and take action on.

Speaker 1:

Mindset work. This is not something that you can just do overnight. I promise you you cannot. It's not something that you can just tell yourself nope, I'm not going to do those things. Done Cool. No, that was my mistake at Miss America. That was the reason that I choked and didn't have a great experience because I didn't do the work beforehand.

Speaker 1:

So mindset work includes reframing any setbacks as learning opportunities. Focus on what you've gained, not on what you've lost, and develop the mantras for yourself that are actually going to help you stay focused. I'm competing to grow, not just to win. Mindset work includes eliminating some of the habits that have kept us where we are and kept us from growing and developing new habits that help us launch into our best versions of ourselves. Mindset work is not something that you can just do for a week before you go to competition. This is something that you need to work on long-term.

Speaker 1:

Resources for you include therapy, which is different than mindset work. It's deeper than mindset work and still incredibly beneficial If you can do both at the same time. Great. Also working with a coach. If you don't have the finances or the budget to work with a coach, then I would say lean into as many free resources as you can possibly find. We've got the Sash and Soul podcast. There are other podcasts out there. There are lots of books that you can read, audio books that you can listen to that are helpful. We've got the Fearlessly Authentic app. That has resources in it as well and a monthly membership subscription that has even more resources for you on a budget. So access those resources and do the work, and I'm telling you it will make a world of difference, not only in your performance but, more importantly, in your experience Next preparation. I mean, I feel like that goes without saying.

Speaker 1:

If you are struggling with mindset around your interview because you're afraid that you're rusty, then practice. Hone your message, get clear on your why, know your talking points, stage precedence Having that confidence is so key. So that goes back to mindset, of course. But you got to own your energy, you got to work it, you got to practice until that is muscle memory and you could walk in your sleep across that stage and still feel good about it. Finally, reconnecting with your why.

Speaker 1:

Why did you start competing in the first place? How has your why evolved over time? Have you allowed it to grow and evolve? What excites you about the process of preparing for a competition, about actually competing? What excites you about the idea of winning and doing the job and going to that next level of competition? Winning is not just about placement. Winning is about the impact, the growth and the experience that you have afterwards. The crowning moment is such a brief moment in the journey. There's so much that comes before it and there's way more that comes after it. So don't just be focused on that crowning moment. Get focused on your bigger picture. Focus on your why.

Speaker 1:

When I went to Miss Wisconsin to compete as a former Miss Wisconsin, as a former first runner up for my very last year, this was an all or nothing. Experience for me I was either winning or I was done and never would have the opportunity to go to Miss America. There were a lot of internal things that I was struggling with. I was struggling with the fear of not achieving my goal. I was struggling with the pressure that I was putting on myself about backsliding and placement. What if I didn't even make top five this time? As a former Miss Wisconsin, that's crazy. Oh, and also as first runner up, I went to a national competition that I was invited to a few years before that and I was a top five finalist and overall interview winner there. What if I did that and was Miss Wisconsin and didn't even make top five at Miss Wisconsin in 2014? These are all very real fears. Those are things that I could actually work through, though.

Speaker 1:

The things that I couldn't control, that I had to let go of, were what other people thought, because there was a lot of opinions floating around about whether or not I even deserved to be there as a former Miss Wisconsin coming back to compete again, and there were people that just flat out didn't like me for one reason or another. Those are things that we can't control, you guys. I couldn't control what the judges thought of me coming back as a former title holder and any mock interview that I did that year preparing for competition. That was kind of drilled, like what if the judges ask you about this? And so I really had to be prepared to talk about it. But more than that, I needed to be prepared mentally to own it, to be okay with the fact that I was a former Miss Wisconsin coming back and to be able to be vulnerable about what that meant for me and why this was so important for me.

Speaker 1:

It wasn't about, it wasn't selfishness, as I mean, yeah, no, I'm going to say it. You guys competing for competition yes, there is such a huge community service component. But let's say the real thing, let's just say it. We do it because we want it. We want it, it's our dream, it's nobody else's dream. If it's somebody else's dream and it's not your dream, don't do it. It should be your dream, you should want this for you, and that's why I'm talking about like this, why I wanted it for me, like I wanted to live this dream. I wanted to earn the title for myself and not be walking in Laura Kepler's shoes anymore as Miss Wisconsin. Like I wanted it and I had a message to share and I hit the ground running with my message and I accomplished those goals that I set out for myself.

Speaker 1:

But ultimately, like I came back for me period, you got to own that, you got to know that and you got to not be ashamed of that. That may be step one in helping you get past some of this fear of backsliding. You're back because you want it, so focus on why you want it. You are not defined by your placement. Every competition is a brand new opportunity for you to learn and grow and when you focus on your growth, you never actually backslide, you just evolve, you grow, you change, you become a bigger, better, stronger person that has so much more to offer our society.

Speaker 1:

So if you're in that place that I was in, you guys a decade ago, I've had a lot of time to process this and think about this and actually get real about what I was feeling back then. If you're in that space, do the work, do the inner work, because that's the only thing that you really can do to help you overcome this fear so that you are setting yourself up for success. And at the end of the day, if you do backslide or if you don't win when you were a first runner up last year, it's okay because that's not connected to your worth at all, and it's going to be hard and it's going to be a grieving process. There's going to be a lot for you to work through afterwards, but I think the number one piece of advice that I can give you, if you're in this space right now, is don't let yourself be disappointed in something that hasn't happened yet. It's been a minute since I've said that. Don't let yourself be disappointed in something that hasn't even happened yet. You haven't backslid yet, you haven't lost yet, you haven't even won yet. Don't let yourself be disappointed in hopes that that's going to somehow protect you from being disappointed. If, in fact, you do experience that disappointment, it's not going to. It's still going to be painful, it's still going to suck and that's just something that you really can't control. So don't let yourself worry about it right now. Focus on the things in your control, focus on the fun, focus on the joy, focus on your why period. All right, you guys with that.

Speaker 1:

If this resonated with you, please share your thoughts with me, message me. I want to know if you agree or disagree. If this helped you. What else do you wanna hear about? Right, like you, guys are in the throes of it right now, especially if you are in Miss America organization. We've got state competitions coming up. I see you. I see you on Instagram sharing your official headshot and celebrating that your paperwork is officially in and preparing for orientations or being done with orientations already. Like I see you. So let me know. What do you wanna hear? What's gonna be most helpful for you as you prepare for competition this year, join the community and for deeper coaching on mindset and competition prep? Of course, I'm always gonna invite you to schedule a consultation with me just to learn a little bit more and see how this can help you specifically on your journey to reaching your goals. With that, I will talk with you again next week. I may have a guest on next week, so stay tuned. All right, guys, take care Bye.

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