#48 Crowned & Candid: Hayley Cheyney Kane, Miss Hawaii 2024

Authenticity beats perfection every time. That's the powerful message from Miss Hawaii 2024 Hayley Cheyney Kane, who joins us for a transformative conversation about wellness, identity, and the healing power of being unapologetically yourself.

As the first openly gay Miss Hawaii, Haley has navigated her year with a refreshing blend of candor and compassion. Her journey reveals how radical self-acceptance forms the foundation of true wellbeing. "You cannot fully love yourself without fully knowing yourself," she shares, explaining how embracing her identity allowed her to prioritize her health in ways she never could before.

Through her work as a preventative medicine educator serving underserved communities, Hayley has witnessed firsthand how lifestyle-related illnesses disproportionately affect Native Hawaiians. After her partner lost her mother to a preventable heart attack at just 45, her mission became deeply personal. Now, she champions an approach to wellness built on small, sustainable changes rather than overwhelming overhauls—an extra 15 minutes of sleep, a morning high-five in the mirror, one additional vegetable in your meals.

What makes this conversation particularly powerful is Hayley's willingness to discuss the challenges of her year, from experiencing burnout to encountering resistance within her own community. Yet through it all, she discovered that the authenticity she initially feared might be criticized became her greatest strength. Her self-described personality as a "local tita"—more tomboyish, blunt, and less concerned with conventional pageant polish—resonated with audiences who found her approachable and genuine.

Hayley's message of "Aloha is for everyone" encapsulates her belief that we all possess the capacity to breathe life into ourselves and others. This Hawaiian concept of endless compassion, respect, and love offers what she calls "the healing antidote America needs" in divided times. Whether you're facing health challenges, supporting a loved one through illness, or simply seeking to live more authentically, Hayley's insights remind us that self-compassion isn't selfish—it's essential for helping others. As she beautifully puts it: "You can only take care of other people when your cup is full."

Chapters

• 0:56 Meet Miss Hawaii, Haley Cheney Kane
• 6:41 Living Authentically as Your True Self
• 13:32 Advocating as Hawaii's First Openly Gay Titleholder
• 25:05 Overcoming Burnout and Setting Boundaries
• 33:12 The Reality of Being Miss Hawaii
• 43:38 Taking Care of Yourself and Others
• 54:46 Final Thoughts and Conversation Closing

Transcript

Raeanna Johnson: 0:28

Hey guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul. Thanks so much for joining again for another episode in the Crowned and Candid series. This guest, you guys, is kind of coming at a very serendipitous time for me. If you listen to my episode 47 with Miss Ohio, stephanie Finotti, you will know that my dad is currently in the hospital. He suffered a stroke a week ago and so Haley and I were just talking and she's like, oh my gosh, this is like everything that I do Like perfect. So we're going to talk a lot today about, like taking care of yourself as a title holder and in life in general. So excited to introduce Ms Hawaii. Did I do it right, haley? You did Good, great job, great, ms Hawaii, I'm learning.

Raeanna Johnson: 1:16

We had like a whole conversation about this 2024, haley, cheney, kanye, kanye Okay, I almost said Kanye, I'm like, well, that's not it. So we were talking before and she said her overall message for this episode is just all about living authentically and how that helps you take care of yourself and prioritize your wellbeing, which I love because you all know like being fearlessly authentic is kind of my shtick, but by, she says, by loving yourself so fiercely that you're able to know what you need at all times. That's physically, mentally, emotionally, and that's what she teaches through her representation, through her career, and you're going to get a whole beautiful message about that today from her as well. So thanks for tuning in and, haley, thanks for joining me, welcome. Yes, thank you so much for having me, rhianna.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 2:05

So excited, yeah, absolutely.

Raeanna Johnson: 2:06

Yeah, it's going to be a great conversation. They've all been fun conversations, but let's hear from you for a bit. Tell us about yourself.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 2:13

they've all been fun conversations, so, um, but let's hear from you for a bit. Tell us about yourself. Yeah, so my name is Haley Cheney Kane. I am from Hawaii. I'm from Oahu, specifically, um, the Island of Oahu, the town of Kane'ohe. Um, I am 28 years old. Yeah, I, I'm coming to the end of my year as Miss Hawaii 2024. So the brain cells are really, they're really working on it. This is the very last, the very last push. So we got three weeks left. Three weeks, wow.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 2:48

I decided to run in this pageant system because I want to go to medical school, I want to become a medical doctor. I'm currently a preventative medicine educator at a federally qualified health center here. So health centers that specifically help the disenfranchised about how to prevent lifestyle-related illnesses like diabetes, high blood pressure, which leads to stroke, and kidney disease. I'm personally motivated to teach these things, one because Native Hawaiians are disproportionately affected by heart disease and diabetes, but also because my partner lost her mother at only 45 years old a year ago, um to to a heart attack, and it was it's really, it was really difficult, um, personally, because she was such a vibrant person and that could have that heart attack that ended her life too soon could have been prevented, and so I'm really passionate about making sure that no one else loses a mother like that.

Raeanna Johnson: 3:57

Yeah, and I certainly appreciate that just in the position that I'm in right now, I was telling Haley that like I finally checked into a hotel after spending seven nights on a couch in my dad's hospital room, partly because I needed the comfort, but also I just really felt he needed someone to be there to advocate for him, because he's nonverbal right now and we're working through things and he's said my name and he's starting to say things here and there, but it's pretty quiet and he's there, he's all there. His personality is certainly there. So it could have been so much worse. He was found really quickly at work, so that was really good.

Raeanna Johnson: 4:37

But as we're talking about just like taking care of ourselves and the preventative care, like absolutely this could have been prevented. He's only 63. And so I'm on, as I'm listening to you, kind of on this opposite side of like it's no longer prevention Now we're in intervention and we are in the healing stage of, you know, post crisis. But it's definitely eyeopening for me as a 35 year old woman looking to be a mother and, you know, have that longevity for myself that, like your work is so incredibly important and we we live our lives so often just like forgetting that, like it's consistency that counts in taking care of ourselves and that, as I'm sure, you're going to talk about too at some level today, like consistent nutrition, consistent rest, consistent, play, consistent, you know, just caring for ourselves in general in a way that, like our parents used to care for us when we were little and now they patched the torch to us and we need to care for ourselves in that way too.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 5:44

It's just it's difficult to do so in our current society, right, because we live.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 5:48

We live in an age and in a in a structure that says you need to keep going and you can put off the sleep later, you can put off the good nutrition and do all of that when you're retired or when you have energy. But the truth is that it needs to start now in order for that quality of life to be good, going forward. Right, and it doesn't. And I think the biggest thing that I've taught is that it doesn't have to be big, right, it shouldn't be big. In fact, it needs to be small in order for it to be sustainable. And so when you're making changes toward better sleep, toward better food, toward better self-talk, even, it needs to be something as small as 15 minutes extra. 15 minutes extra sleep at night, a high five in the mirror to feel like you're worth the energy of positivity, and an extra carrot stick in your in your lunch. You know like it doesn't need to be this big mountain. In fact, it needs to be tiny molehills so that we feel accomplished.

Raeanna Johnson: 6:57

Talk to me about the power of the way that we talk to ourselves, because, as a mindset coach and in the world of pageantry and of women that are type A, most likely many of us are perfectionists, putting this pressure on ourselves, feeling the pressure from the outside in Um, tell me about, like from your perspective, the influence of that positive talk and like the steps to just get started on that.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 7:24

I'm going to quote lots of Mel Robbins right now.

Raeanna Johnson: 7:26

I think oh yes, I am a huge Mel Robbins fan right now. Let them, let them, let them and let me yes.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 7:34

Yes, okay, beautiful. To be honest with you, I think the biggest thing for self-talk is what Mel Robbins says, like high fives in the mirror and just doing that little mind game of I'm the only one that's going to make that difference and I'm powerful enough, right, and it's just consistency and consistently being fine to yourself, you know, and thinking because it, because it's not going to work if we, if we're trying to make these big, drastic changes, right.

Raeanna Johnson: 8:15

So in pageantry for me, especially because I'm like the first openly gay Miss Hawaii, and one of the sorry and one of the first openly gay, like state title holders too, there haven't been a lot. So I mean kudos to you and thank you for being open and being fearless in that. Well, I mean kudos to you and thank you for for being open and being fearless in that. Well, I, I probably shouldn't speak for you I don't know if you're fearless in that or not but like, oh yeah, I feel pretty good.

Raeanna Johnson: 8:42

Yeah, thank you for that Cause I have clients that that are are open to and um, I think it's it's great for great for everyone to see representation of the way that they identify themselves as well. So thanks for being that representation.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 9:05

Thank you for acknowledging it. I appreciate that when I think my body is trying to anticipate, trying to myself in the self-talk, when my body is trying to anticipate the things that other people might say about me as I was running for Miss America. But, like I said to myself every single day and like I said in my Miss America interview, my only responsibility is to be myself. So it doesn't matter how many people have input or come up to the window of my life. My only job is to be me, because I'm the only one that has to live in my body. I'm the only one that has to live with myself, and I spent 22 years trying to hide from the fact that I was gay, and once I finally got over that, it doesn't matter.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 9:59

It's not a big deal. My like you deserve to be comfortable. Once I started believing that I was freer, I feel more confident, I feel more at ease and I have the peace that I had been searching for. And so when I ran for Miss About you, when I ran for Miss America, I was just like people need to know that it's normal to be you and that nobody else really has input. It's just you and that nobody else really has input. It's just. It's just about you and what makes you feel most you, you know authenticity, authenticity, it's such a buzzword.

Raeanna Johnson: 10:41

How would you describe being authentic?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 10:45

You know that feeling when, when you're like giving a speech or you're answering a question on stage and you have like all of this buzz in your body because you're like anxious, and then you take a deep breath and you let it go and you're finally in your body and you can think. Clearly, that's what being authentic feels like to me that letting go of the tension, letting go of the pressure and just kind of like encapsulating myself in my own bubble and reminding and listening to that inner voice and reminding myself again that my only job is to be me and I'm the only one that can provide the unique perspective that I have, that can provide the unique perspective that I have and my job in answering the question. The thing that's going to make it good is me.

Raeanna Johnson: 11:43

There's been a bit of a theme for me in the past couple of weeks, and this week especially, of grounding and recognizing that I and I have I've worked really hard on learning how to regulate my emotions during times of stress uh, because historically I've really struggled with that. So I've been in therapy for many years to learn the tools and the skills to regulate when, when I'm under stress, and so I think without that I don't know how I would have managed this past week as well as I did, and I'm very proud of how I was able to handle that. I'm proud of articulating when I needed something, even if I didn't even know what I needed. But I just needed somebody else to step up. I told my husband I need you to be my caretaker while I'm my dad's caretaker, so being able to articulate those things.

Raeanna Johnson: 12:32

But one of the things that I recognized was I couldn't think clearly until I took a moment to relax my nervous system, until I felt like I was in my body again.

Raeanna Johnson: 12:47

So that has become step one for me of doing the deep breathing or literally getting up and walking around or going and feeling the sun on my face or something that was going to remind me that I'm physically here and grounded. And then it was like I could start taking those steps to think rationally, to have those conversations with myself where I'm talking positively to myself and encouraging myself. And so I just wanted to point that out, that I feel like that can oftentimes be that first step, because when you mentioned and I'm, yes, I do know what that feels like when you're on stage or before you go on stage, and you have that like nervous energy, just like buzzing inside of you, when you can feel physically in your body and relaxed and attached to something again, then all of a sudden you're like free to have that clarity of thought and really let that passion and that power come out through your soul and through your mouth.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 13:39

Because I feel like that's when the most beautiful things happen, right. Like when people are just burying their souls and being vulnerable, whether it's on stage or just like in a conversation that you're having, like when you can just make space for yourself other people feel comfortable making space for themselves, and that and like when people can live comfortably in themselves. Like that. That's when the true power of authenticity comes, shines through.

Raeanna Johnson: 14:05

I think that is so beautiful when you can make space for yourself. Other people feel safe in that space with you and feel safe to make space for themselves too. Yeah, and a beautiful visual too, because that's so true. Absolutely, let's talk about your year a little bit. I want to. I want to know. I've kind of been asking. The way we've been diving in is like take me back to crowning night and what was going through your mind.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 14:40

Oof. Okay, so I, when I won this year, it was my second year running and the year prior I had been first runner up. So they call um all the other runners up and it's just me and my first runner up standing there and I was like, oh no, please, please, not again, please, not again, cause that hurts so bad the ego, that hurt my ego so bad last, the last time. Um, so that's what was running through my mind initially, but then I was also standing there because of because the million years that it feels like between when they announce it yes, because then they're also like between when they announce it yes.

Raeanna Johnson: 15:13

Because then they're also like they're usually doing it for dramatic effect, but then also, like our MC in Wisconsin does, this whole thing where he's like the first runner up is a very important job and he goes into explaining like what happens if, for some reason, blah, blah, blah and so then it just like takes forever, but yeah, it feels like forever.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 15:32

That's true. I'm like it feels like a million and five years. So in those million and five years that I was standing there, I was like, okay, well, here are all the things I'm proud of in this moment, regardless of what happens, because I have no control. I have no control and, honestly, whatever is meant to happen will happen. So I was just standing there thinking, ok, I'm proud of, I'm proud of, advocating for the LGBTQ community. I'm proud of talking about my partner's mom. I'm proud of talking about the importance of sisterhood and how this andant system has helped me create the Haley that is here now. And I'm proud of being in my body. And I'm proud I slayed that walk. And I'm proud of my talent, because I sang and danced at the same time and my teacher's probably so proud of me now. So, regardless of, regardless of what happens, I I did what I came here to do. And then then they called my name. I was like, oh my gosh, no way.

Raeanna Johnson: 16:43

Like that gut, like punch of oh, this is real yeah.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 16:48

Yeah, yeah, um, and then, and then I was supposed to wave and I was, and the first thing I thought was did I shave my armpits? I don't remember. So I'm like I'm like breathing really hard and really deeply and then I'm like not sure if I should raise my hand or not deeply.

Raeanna Johnson: 17:15

And then I'm like not sure if I should raise my hand or not, especially because you know that they're going to be like close up taking that photo of you during the wave and it's like they're gonna, yeah, hone in on that and that's going to become your legacy for the whole year. The girl who shaved her armpits yes, exactly so.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 17:28

When they handed me the plaque and after I had been crowned, I was just like you'll see a picture of me holding my plaque. It goes like this elbows in, yeah, elbows in, and like there's a picture of me waving like this, like if there's so, like not completely up, but there's like a bit of a shadow, a little bit of a shadow, yeah, like cat, just a little bit amazing oh my gosh yeah, I love that.

Raeanna Johnson: 17:56

So who were you then and who are you now? How much have you changed?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 18:01

oh my gosh, I think I had no idea. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, honestly, and I really thought that I had, because I grew up in this system with the same directors or with the same people different directors, same people um, because I was Miss Hawaii's Outstanding Teen 2013. Oh, okay, so, yeah, yeah. So I had been in this system for a long time and I was like feeling, hoping that it would feel like coming home, which it did in many ways, but Haley at the beginning of the year was a bit naive and a lot more anxious than Haley now, because it's really difficult to live in Hawaii and so all of our directors have multiple other jobs, slash things that they need to do, and so a lot of the things that I've done have been because I wanted to go do it, so it has been me needing to go advocate for myself. Difference is I cry a lot easier now. I I just am, so I'm so.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 19:20

I had no idea how much of an impact it would make, um being the first openly gay Miss Hawaii and um, talking about lifestyle changes. I didn't realize how many people would come to me during my year and say thank you, because I was just doing what I felt passionate about. I wasn't really thinking about how it would positively or negatively impact people, I was just trying to do it. So now I just I feel moved by the things that kind of came through me this year, because it has been more amazing than I could have dreamt of, you know, being able to travel internationally and represent Hawaii in a way that hasn't been done in a long time. You know, first, I'm like the first native Hawaiian that like also speaks Hawaiian in a long time and I just they're just really big strides for our people.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 20:27

That wouldn't have been done and I just feel really grateful for the opportunity to be that person and to be that vessel. And then separately, as a queer person in this election year, it's been I mean, it's been a lot harder than it could have been. And so watching myself fearlessly step into that space of representation and say I don't care what happens to me, I don't care what people say to me, because I think it's so important for people like younger Haley to have someone to look to that they can relate to. That makes tomorrow a little bit easier. To have someone to look to that they can relate to, that makes tomorrow a little bit easier. I think that's way more important than censoring myself because I'm scared.

Raeanna Johnson: 21:21

Did you mindfully or purposely, or was there a reason that you didn't choose, like queer advocacy or something along those lines for your initiative versus the wellness that you did instead?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 21:41

I didn't want it to be my whole thing. I didn't want, I didn't want my queerness to be my shtick and because I want it to be normal, I want it to be something that people don't think twice about. It's, it's a characteristic about me, but it's not all of me. And Haley is actually really passionate about wellness and and and how authenticity ties into that wellness. Right, because you cannot, you cannot love yourself without fully knowing yourself. You cannot love yourself without fully knowing yourself. So I couldn't fully love myself and prioritize my health, emotionally or physically, without being radically honest about the fact that I was gay and dating men. I would say, you know, um, so yes, it was intentional, and I think the more powerful message was loving and accepting yourself, because that's how you take care and, as a total nerd, I need it. I needed to wrap it in the medicine because it's like how I move through the world.

Raeanna Johnson: 22:54

I think that's brilliant because it's also being a role model to women to show like we are multifaceted, we are dynamic, we have a lot of components to ourselves that make us who we are. We are not identified as just one thing, and that makes an incredibly powerful statement. And yet you also chose to be very loud about all of those aspects of who you are and what you bring to the table, about all of those aspects of who you are and what you bring to the table. And there's so much already like just in this short conversation, that you have displayed of who Haley is. And that's so cool because one of the most powerful things you can do as a human being and as a title holder is showing up and showing all of those facets of who you are, so that the people that need to see representation of themselves in that space will see that. And so I think that's brilliant that you opened up and allowed yourself to show all these very unique sides of you and so that little girls that you met, little boys that you met, could see just pieces of themselves in you.

Raeanna Johnson: 24:11

I was just talking to a client about this earlier, about vulnerability and storytelling, and that you know it's like we have this desire to to show up for younger us and be this person that others could look at and say, wow, so I could do it too. But the only way that they're going to say, oh, wow, I could do that too, is if they see their own faults in you, if they see the things they're struggling with in your story, if they see the things they're struggling with in your story and that's where that vulnerability and that authenticity is so powerful, because that's what connects people is those lived experiences.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 24:55

You've just described a lot. I'm gonna say that. So the name of my CSI is Aloha is for everyone, and the point is, by having Allah, which which means to breathe into other people, breathe life into other people, yeah, so Allah, face, or facing ha, meaning breath. It's the life that we breathe into one another when our lives collide. It means having never ending compassion, never ending respect and never ending love for ourselves, other people and the land that we come from, because it's all connected, and so I think the most powerful way to show that we are compassionate for the person in front of us is like you're describing being vulnerable and showing them like this is so normal and you are so seen and you are so cared for.

Raeanna Johnson: 25:53

Validating, validating.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 25:55

Yes.

Raeanna Johnson: 25:57

Absolutely. I feel like that's most of the work that I do in the mindset work that I'm doing is like learning to validate ourselves, learning to just practice. That radical acceptance of this is what I've been through, this is what I'm feeling and it's okay. I'm okay. I don't have to necessarily like it, but it's valid and it's okay for me to feel what I'm feeling.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 26:19

Yes, mel Robbins and Brene Brown, the two leaders in these areas of shadow work or emotional work.

Raeanna Johnson: 26:28

Right yeah, yeah for sure. I want to dive deeper into your wellbeing and how you work to manage that in the midst of. You had already mentioned the election season, the being openly gay, the living on this island, where you didn't necessarily have a lot of support, for good reason, because everyone's busy and you're surrounded by volunteers, and so you have to pick up the slack in a lot of ways, and that's commendable and so common, I think, in a lot of different states that you know. These organizations are run by volunteers and we can't expect them to do all this stuff for us. So let's talk about wellbeing in the midst of all of that complexity.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 27:14

When we, when I started my year, my partner and I, she said she said, haley, we're just going to take everything one coffee at a time. So that's that's kind of how I took care of myself and maintained my sanity just doing one thing at a time and doing everything bite-sized, and also remembering that the things that are meant to fall off will, and it's okay, as long as you're doing everything well and approaching it in a way that you feel proud of that. That's all that matters. And then, honestly again, my partner. She took a lot, she took care of me a lot. She's doing the laundry, she's driving me to places, she's making sure I'm eating, she's making sure I'm sleeping and reminding me that I'm doing a good job, even when I feel super spread thin and I can't remind myself, you know.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 28:07

So, having my tribe, I also have my family. My sister, particularly, is very, she's very near and dear to me and she reminds me of who I am, you know. So, having people that remind me that you are still Haley. So, having people that remind me that you are still Haley, and even though the pressure of can feel like a lot, you're, you're still just just a person that is only meant to follow the passion that was instilled in your heart. So you're just doing the things that feel Peely or um, connected to you and you don't have to do anything extra. It just you, can just be. I guess I'm saying that everybody else is how I kept my, how I took care of myself, all the people around me is really how I did it. I also grew up. I grew up in a foster home when I was in high school and so that that foster family really came and cradled me. This year, my drag mother, her too. This year, my drag mother, her too.

Raeanna Johnson: 29:08

Yeah, so my tribe, you say your drag mother.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 29:13

Yes, Tell me more. Have you heard of every drag Queens favorite drag queen, Sasha?

Raeanna Johnson: 29:20

Colby, it sounds really familiar, but no.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 29:24

I don't think. Have you heard of?

Raeanna Johnson: 29:25

RuPaul's Drag Race? Yes, I have. I haven't watched it though really familiar, but no, I don't think I have. Have you heard of RuPaul's Drag Race? Yes, I have. I haven't watched it though, oh, I know, I know for shame.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 29:34

No shame, no shame, um anyway. So Sasha Colby, when she was announcing Chapel Roan at the VMAs, it's like my drag daughter, so it's kind of like a, like a, like a queer mother like your father, right, okay? So, oh yes, my drag mother is somebody that I go to when I need help navigating the queer space, because that's not something that my biological mother or my foster mother can really understand. Right, just another, just another person in my tribe that, like, really sees me in a way that other people can't.

Raeanna Johnson: 30:19

Yeah, the fairy drag mother. Yes, exactly. I want one.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 30:30

We all need one. We all need one. It's so true, it's so true she also made all my dresses, so that too.

Raeanna Johnson: 30:39

Yeah, amazing. Which makes it so fun and so personal too, keeps you grounded, which is so nice. You would mention that, that you were given a lot of encouragement to let things go and to that you don't have to do it all. How did that feel for you?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 31:00

that was. It was hard to hear, because I I was like fighting with myself because I wanted to do everything. The mindset that I had was it's only one year. I only get one year to live this fabulous life. Right, but it's not so fabulous if I am so burnt out, if I'm so burnt out that I can't put a sentence together. I noticed that when I was like piling too many things on my plate, I couldn't. I couldn't function well in my mock interviews or or even when I'm speaking at events. I I felt so in my head, so anxious because I had not been taking care of my body, that when I went to go be myself, nothing was coming out, because my well was dry.

Raeanna Johnson: 31:44

How did you fill that? Well, I mean, you have your circle of people, but what were the tools that you pulled out of your toolbox?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 31:52

So sleep and exercise are two really big ones for me. That's kind of how, that's kind of how I rest, obviously through sleep, but like that's how I recuperate, you know, um, because your brain does, does all of the reorganizing while you're sleeping, and then your body will store the stress, and so the exercise helps you to kind of like shake that out, or it helps me to shake that out. And then I, I love to eat. So eating, eating delicious foods that make my body feel good, um, is also how I take care of myself.

Raeanna Johnson: 32:32

So you had this beautiful inner circle of people, but were there moments that you felt lonely, misunderstood or or burnt out throughout your year?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 32:44

Oh yes, I think burnout was probably the most. It's probably the most appropriate word to use there. I mean, I feel like I had back-to-back things. I think I also felt misunderstood. I felt misunderstood from my work, quite a bit Emotionally burnt out from all of the expectation I put on myself to be well put together and what I thought other people were expecting of me when I went to appearances or went into practices and anytime I post myself as like even getting out of my car to go to the grocery store.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 33:22

I was just putting all this expectation on myself and that kind of burnt me out emotionally. And then I felt misunderstood at my job, because healthcare is a whole nother world that doesn't understand like the positive things that could come from being a title holder or like how that could help to promote the health center itself. So when it came to I need to keep my job because I'm 28 years old and don't have health insurance, so like I need to continue to work, can you please work with me on this? Their expectation was that I would be there at all times or that I would be there and without any schedule, flexing, and that's just not how it works as a title holder. Um, so dealing with the backlash of that and the resentment that has kind of built, even though I'm promoting what we provide as a health center and also promoting myself and like making better for myself. So it was really hard to like have to defend this achievement to my workplace that has historically just wanted me to do better and like excel in my career, did you?

Raeanna Johnson: 34:43

feel like it was a lot of pageant stereotypes that was causing some of this misunderstanding, or where do you think it came from?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 34:53

I think it's just the like. Nobody really understands pageantry in Hawaii, like there are no stereotypes here other than it's a beauty pageant and like because I get a lot of, why do I care? Why do we care about you being in a crown and banner? Why do I care that you are? Why do I want to have Miss Hawaii come speak at my event? I don't really. I don't really know what that means. So there was a lot of like advocating for how Miss Hawaii can elevate your experience or how it can elevate your event or promote my health center. You know, like it was a lot of people being like why is this relevant? Not so much the stereotypes.

Raeanna Johnson: 35:42

That is a huge contributor to burnout when you feel so passionately about something and you know the value about something that you're doing, and then constantly being met with this misunderstanding and and devaluing of this thing that you find and know to be incredibly powerful. You find and know to be incredibly powerful. So what was that like then when you were? What was your appearance booking like and the outreach that you did for, for trying to book appearances what? What did that look like for?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 36:16

you. Well, initially it was just me kind of cold calling, cold emailing people and the initial response was oh, I want to highlight you because you're openly gay in a public space, or I want to highlight you because you're beautiful and so I want you to be like a model in my for my clothing line, um, and not so much the like speaking and advocating that I really wanted to do. So that just was me meeting the right people, because in Hawaii it's all about who you know me reading me meeting the right people, because in Hawaii it's all about who you know me reading, meeting the right people and then having those conversations that says, hey, this is actually what I can do. I can, um, I can talk about my experience as a native Hawaiian, as a foster care child, as first openly gay person in a public space.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 37:08

I can, as a as a healthcare provider like I, I can talk about things that our people need to hear, that Hawaii needs to hear, and then, on a national level, so for for people that aren't native Hawaiian, in Hawaii I can talk about how Aloha is. The is the healing antidote that we, that we so desperately need in our country because of all the division that's happening and so when people come to hawaii, I can talk to them about the importance of taking full advantage of that aloha and really understanding it and not just feeling like you're a tourist that needs to stay in your own lane. So, yeah, it was just a lot of me like messaging people, trying to get into the circles that will hear me out, and sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.

Raeanna Johnson: 37:52

But when we're preparing for a state competition or a national competition, we work really hard to like what's your game plan, what's your messaging, who are you going to partner with All of these things of like?

Raeanna Johnson: 38:02

Because we're preparing for this job right, with all of these things of like, cause we're preparing for this job Right, and then you kind of get into it and you start realizing there's all these aspects of it that you didn't really anticipate and so much of that is what you just described of trying to advocate for why you are a valuable, um potential component to an event or as a speaker or you know whatever facet that you were showing up for.

Raeanna Johnson: 38:30

What what you're describing is is this idea of like your messaging, trying to already anticipate kind of the objections that you're going to get and so getting those workarounds of how, how does this message of whatever component you were talking about, how does this relate to a lot of different types of people, so that you can really broaden the scope of who you can connect with and why your messaging can make an impact.

Raeanna Johnson: 38:59

We talk about that in Fearlessly Authentic of what are the problems that you're addressing, what are the impacts of those problems, what are the solutions. When we're talking about the impacts, it's what are the impacts on a lot of different people and what are the impacts on a different communities and what are the impacts fiscally and for the government and like all these different areas, so that when you're making your case as to why your message, why your initiative, why the problem that you're fighting is important, it doesn't really matter who you're talking to, because you can make a case for it, no matter who it is and what they find important for themselves. And that's what I was hearing as you were describing how you approached it. Was that something that you planned for or did you kind of learn along the way?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 39:43

I kind of learned along the way. I mean, when I was preparing for the state competition, I knew that I needed to have an explanation for my specific CSI and I also needed to have a broad understanding of how I would make that translatable nationally so that I could be successful at nationals. But I didn't have to. I didn't have a specific plan in place. I didn't have like all of the kinks worked out like how I did once I became, or once I finally stepped into the role and like actively practiced by trial and error, having to advocate on my own for myself. I knew I mean I think it's fair to say that I that I had to anticipate explaining Aloha to in a broad way, right Like I think I needed to already have that, and I felt like I did that.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 40:41

So the hard part wasn't communicating to people from the continent, it was actually communicating to people from Hawaii, Like locally. It was difficult to promote myself and kind of talk about my worth, Because on a local level there's this intergenerational trauma that makes it really difficult for us to uplift one another, and it's getting better, it's getting a lot better. But I think that that was kind of what I was running into when it, when it came to me being Miss Hawaii and trying to be on those bigger platforms that talk to the state and, like all the people in the state, because, yeah, we're not quite there yet, but I but on.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 41:28

On the other hand, I will say that people have stepped in to lift me up and um and and help me to advocate for myself. But that whole, that whole process was very surprising. That, like the most resistance I ran into, was locally.

Raeanna Johnson: 41:44

That is really surprising. Surprising, but like the most resistance I ran into was locally. That is really surprising no-transcript.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 41:54

I kind of just took in stride because it was. It was surprising that as a, as a title holder, like with a crown on my head and achievement on my, on my papers, that they would still, that I would still be met with this resistance. But it was something that I was met with before, as as Haley, and so in in a sense, I kind of was not surprised because it was nothing new Like this isn't. This isn't new behavior. This system has been in place and this intergenerational trauma, trauma healing, is something that we've all been working on since the overthrow in the 1800s. But I made me realize like, oh, it doesn't matter what achievement I have, this is still an area of healing and an area of trauma that we have to address, regardless of how many hats I or how many levels I level up to, you know it, it will never be gone. It will always be something to address and move through.

Raeanna Johnson: 42:56

What do you think your legacy is as a Miss Hawaii?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 43:00

I think I'm the Miss Hawaii that was not scared, that did it despite all odds, that like pushed through it despite all odds. I think I'm also the real Miss Hawaii, like I'm not your typical pageant hottie. So my personality is what we would call a local tira. So that's somebody that's like more tomboyish, more likely to be blunt and tell you exactly what she thinks and feels, and not so polished, not so worried about palatability, you know. So that's my, that's my personality. So I think I would be known for my shock factor a little bit, you know, just kind of like, here I am, here's what I stand for, and I'm not afraid, but in a respectful way, you know, right, right I.

Raeanna Johnson: 44:03

I definitely pick up on some of what you're saying in your personality just in this conversation, but it's also refreshing, you know it's yeah, it's, it's approachable and refreshing and, and you know, talking about wanting to be real and authentic, that's it. You're not trying to be what we think other people think we should be as a title holder, and that's really important, because one of the reasons that I started crowned and candid as a series was because there's there's a lot of misconceptions about what is expected of you as a state title holder, as a title holder in general. But, like you know, here are a lot of. You know you win, and then the imposter syndrome kind of sets in because you feel like there's all these expectations of you behaving a certain way and showing up a certain way and you had kind of mentioned some of that kind of expectation of yourself that led to some exhaustion and burnout too, like early on.

Raeanna Johnson: 45:07

And so I feel like there's usually this learning curve and period of discovery and growth, especially for the first few months of wearing that crown and sash, and I think so much of it is because we've built it up in our heads that a state title holder is supposed to, is usually, or is X, Y and Z in our heads, and so that's partly why I started Crown and Candidate, because I'm like that's just not it. I know that's not it, but I've been there and you don't really know that that's not it until you've walked in those shoes. And so, of course, like we can talk about this, all we want to, um, but like actually experiencing it is is that's where the growth happens, that's where real learning happens is by experiencing it. But can you, can you speak to that too? Just that, like bridging that gap from this is what we think a title holder is to this is the reality of being a title holder.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 46:05

So because I grew up in Hawaii, where there are less pageant stereotypes, and I was a title holder as a teen and a title holder as a Miss, I think I have a little bit of a different approach than maybe other states would, but for me the idea of being Miss Hawaii was more glamorous than the reality. I'm sure it's true for a lot of people, but more interestingly for me, like when I was a teen and I had an older miss, I thought that, like when I, if I were to ever become older miss, I thought that, like when I, if I were to ever become the miss, that I would be this very mature, very put together version of myself. And then, when I became miss, I was like wait, I'm still. I'm still a person, I'm still a messy human that, like, has to figure out her own stuff. Um and so the reality was that I needed to still be a human and I felt really called to representing that as Miss Hawaii. I felt really called to be continuing to be the local tera, the fearless, blunt, radically honest Haley that I was prior to being crowned, radically honest Haley that I was prior to being crowned. And, on one hand, I kind of expected to be shut down for that, initially by my directors or by people that hired me for appearances, but it was actually the thing that made people want me more. You know so that that authenticity and that bluntness was refreshing, like you had described to other people, and I was not expecting that.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 47:44

The imposter syndrome was hardest for me when I went to nationals, actually, because I felt like Hawaii was a lot less competitive compared to other states, less competitive compared to other states. But when I went to nationals, the reality was that, again, we're all girls trying to better ourselves and the world around us, and we can all add to each other's lives. We can all contribute to the betterment of America. We, the Miss contestants, are going to be the next leaders, and so it's not so much about the, it's not so much of a focus on the intimidation.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 48:24

It was easier for me to go up there and just be and exist and do my best, because I knew that I was just going. I knew that I had the opportunity to shine and and help everyone else shine around me too, because we're all doing the same thing. Do you have any regrets from your year? No, I did everything. I did everything I possibly could. I went to the Olympics, I went to Japan twice, I got to travel to other states and meet other Miss contestants before which Miss Hawaii doesn't really get to do because it's so far away, and I made lots of friends at Miss America. So no regrets. I also probably wouldn't let myself think about the regrets, even if I had them, because it doesn't matter.

Raeanna Johnson: 49:15

And there comes in again that self-talk and choosing to talk to yourself in a way that is helpful and not hurtful. Yes, yeah, good stuff. Yeah, for sure I do need to practice the high-fiving. Um, I was just talking about that with someone a couple of weeks ago who had started doing that for herself every day, like yeah, you guys should do that. I'm like, do you physically hit the mirror? And she said, yeah, like okay, all right, bring it all I love it. So, to the next Miss Hawaii or other, you know, women that are listening, what do you want them to take away? What do you want them to know to be true about themselves and about this process and the experience?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 50:04

Pageantry is like the self-growth pressure cooker and the Miss America system is like the self-growth pressure cooker, of all self-growth pressure cookers, and what you gain from the experience is what you put into it. So I would say it takes a lot of courage to get on that stage, to enter the system, to be willing to hold the mirror up to yourself and look at all of the things that you could improve on. So you are already brave, regardless of what happens in the outcome To the next Miss Hawaii. You have such a unique opportunity to represent our state and our culture.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 51:04

Hawaii is different from all the other states because the native Hawaiian aloha is what makes Hawaii so magical, it's what makes people so drawn to our state, and and so I would say to her to just to, just to just be the aloha that is that that exists here and remind yourself that you have it in you to breathe life into yourself. You have it in you to breathe life into the people that you meet, and that healing life antidote is what America could really benefit from. And that's what makes people so drawn to you as a person, when you have the Aloha in you, and that's what makes that's what makes people so drawn to you as a person. When you have the Aloha in you and that's translatable I would just say relish in that, be that light and get out of your own way.

Raeanna Johnson: 51:49

Get out of your own way, absolutely. I love it. Right as we come to a close today, haley, is there anything that is on your heart that we didn't quite get to, that you wanted to make sure we talked about?

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 52:06

I really hope your dad is okay. I just keep thinking about him. I just think that it's important for family members who have aging family members and that are dealing with lifestyle issues or lifestyle illnesses, to remember that you can only do the best next thing. You can't do anything about what has already happened. And the best medicine is that self-compassion, because having compassion for yourself is what's going to heal your heart.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 52:46

And when you heal your heart, you feel compelled to make better decisions for your body because it's second nature. It's second nature to think I'm not going to smoke this cigarette because it doesn't feel good, and I don't really. I'm not interested in not feeling good, but that only happens when you have that self-compassion. And then for family members who are like you, who have aging parents that are struggling from this, just remembering that you can only take care of other people when your cup is full. So you are just as worth the prioritization as you're giving to your dad. Just remember that getting good sleep is really important for your immune system, for your eating habits, for your mental wellbeing and et cetera, et cetera. So I just want to make sure that I'm giving you that compassion and reminding you that you're worth that compassion to yourself too.

Raeanna Johnson: 54:10

Thank you. That is such a challenge and I think it's a constant practice that we all need to do of navigating what do. We are actively practicing that self-care and trying to uncover exactly what it is that we need to fill our well or to fill our cup, as you had talked about. But I love what you said, too, about it doesn't help us to look back at the past and the things that have been done. The only thing that helps us is to look at what is the next best thing that we can be doing, and I think that translates to so many things. If you're listening and you are feeling some level of shame because of a mistake that you made or the person that you used to be, that just isn't you anymore and you're just that's holding you back, because you think that somehow now you're not deserving of all of these amazing things in your life. I think that is a beautiful message to take away that we can't change the things that have happened in the past, but what we can do is the next best thing for ourselves and for our communities and for the people that we love, and I think that's a great way to wrap up this conversation.

Raeanna Johnson: 55:16

And, haley, I needed this conversation. I think the last few conversations it's been really fills me with joy when my guests have been like, oh, this was so healing. I needed to process my year out loud and I'm like that's amazing, that was a benefit that I didn't even think would be the case, but I'm so glad that that happened for you. But this time around, this was a healing conversation for me and so I really appreciate your energy and your compassion and the passion that you have for people and the work that you do and just try to show up as yourself and make space for other people in doing that. So thank you so much.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 55:54

Thank you, you know, one coffee at a time.

Raeanna Johnson: 55:57

That's right, I'm almost done with mine.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 56:03

Yes, what time is it there? Like like 6 pm it's 530.

Raeanna Johnson: 56:07

It's quarter to 7 pm. Quarter to 7.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 56:10

Yeah.

Raeanna Johnson: 56:11

Right, yeah, it's pretty bright still, which it's, I mean, it's springtime, so the days are just getting longer. From here until June, I think is the first day of summer. So, yeah, yeah, I love it. I need the sunshine. I'd rather be living in a state like yours.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 56:28

You still live in Seattle, so I get it.

Raeanna Johnson: 56:31

So you do get it. Yeah, the seasons for sure.

Raeanna Johnson: 56:34

Yeah, and I have. I have one more call after this and then I'm going to go say goodnight to my dad and check in and make sure everything's good, um, and really, really practice compassion for myself and giving myself the grace to be okay with sleeping away from the hospital tonight. He's okay, he's in good hands, it's good for me. I'm going to take what you said to heart. It's all good. Yes, yeah, cool, all right. Well, congratulations to you. Good luck on the rest of your year, excited to see what you do next. And, for those of you listening, you can certainly follow Haley for the last bit of her reign as Miss Hawaii and, of course, follow everything that she's doing next.

Hayley Cheyney Kane: 57:16

I think she's going to be a force to be reckoned with, so thank you, rihanna, so good chatting with you and yeah, this conversation has been very healing for me. So thank you for the opportunity and, yeah, I hope everything goes well with your dad's healing. It sounds like he's on the up and up. He is.

Raeanna Johnson: 57:36

He's strong, he's strong. That's where I get a lot of it from. So, yeah, cool, all right. Well, thanks again, haley, and thank you all for tuning in. We'll be back again very soon with another episode of Sash and Soul in our Crowned and Candid series. We'll talk to you then. Bye.