Sash & Soul
Welcome to the "Fearlessly Authentic: Sash & Soul Podcast," the show that goes beyond the stage to prioritize mindset, wellbeing, and triumphs in the pageant journey. Each episode explores the power of embracing authenticity, sharing mindset tips, self-care strategies, and inspiring success stories to help you navigate the pageant world with confidence and resilience.
Sash & Soul
#52 Crowned & Candid: Paris Matthews, Miss Utah 2024
What happens when you refuse to give up on a dream, even after 13 straight losses? Paris Matthews, Miss Utah 2024, reveals the extraordinary journey that led her from wearing "evening gowns from Ross" at her first pageant to representing Utah on the Miss America stage.
This conversation peels back the glossy veneer of pageantry to explore something far more valuable: the power of authentic self-compassion. Paris shares how she lost 13 competitions without ever placing before finally winning her first local title. Rather than becoming discouraged, she found value in each competition, viewing the Miss America program as professional development that enhanced her career as a child life specialist—a healthcare professional who helps children cope with hospital experiences.
Paris' candid revelations about her mental health struggles following Miss America are particularly poignant. Despite professionally teaching coping skills to children, she found herself experiencing panic attacks and anxiety that required her to practice the self-compassion she preaches. Her vulnerability in discussing these challenges demonstrates the courage that defines her reign far more than any crown.
The most powerful takeaway? "Don't count yourself out." Paris describes how she finally succeeded when she stopped trying to be what she thought judges wanted and instead embraced her authentic self—from her natural speaking style to her passion for helping hospitalized children through her "Power of Play" initiative. As she prepares to crown her successor, Paris reflects on maintaining identity beyond the title and the importance of allowing yourself to dream big enough to include even the seemingly impossible.
Whether you're interested in pageantry or simply seeking inspiration to persist through repeated setbacks, this conversation offers wisdom applicable far beyond the stage. Listen now, and discover what becomes possible when you stop counting yourself out and embrace authentic self-compassion.
Free App Download: Click here to download the Fearlessly Authentic App!
Socials: @sashandsoul | @fearlesslyauthenticcoach | @raeannajohnson
Websites: www.fearlesslyauthentic.com | www.sashandsoul.com
Email: info@fearlesslyauthenticcoach.com
April Masterclass: Volunteerism & Service Click Here to Register
If you’re looking for more than just surface-level prep—and you’re ready to prepare with strategy, support, and confidence that actually lasts—I’d love to be part of your process.
Schedule a FREE Consultation: Book a Call
Hey you guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul. It is another, of course, episode in the Crowned and Candid series and before we dive back into these awesome conversations, I realized that I hadn't given any updates on the last episode as to where I'm at. But I'm officially back home. After my dad had a stroke three weeks ago yesterday and it was a huge roller coaster last week because insurance issues and all this stuff so he was discharged from inpatient rehab and we kind of had to scramble to figure out what we were going to do next. My husband and I decided to temporarily move him in with us because back home, where he lives three hours away, and they didn't have any openings for therapies, especially speech therapy, which is what he needs until July, and so we knew that coming back to Milwaukee and having more healthcare options here we might be able to get him in quicker, which we did. He had his first therapy session in speech last Friday. He's making improvements every day. We're kind of settling into this just like comfortable norm that we're in right now and I'm just I'm recuperating and I'm really starting to just feel like I'm letting my guard down again and feeling like safe and that he's going to be okay and that is all up from here. So, god willing of course, but that's the update on me. I'm doing great and I just appreciate all of you sending your prayers and positive, hopeful vibes for me too. I appreciate all of you. So with that, let's dive in.
Raeanna Johnson:I have Miss Utah 2024, paris Matthews, with me today for Sash and Soul Grounded, candid, and as we were chatting before we hit record, I asked Paris what her overall message would be like from her unique perspective, and the first thing she said was self-compassion.
Raeanna Johnson:And it was just this, like you know, understanding that sometimes we're really hard on ourselves. And she even said like she was really hard on herself because she lost so many times before winning Miss Utah, and specifically like lost at the local title, which I'm really excited to talk about this, about the hard work, the dedication, the drive, the perseverance, the getting back up and building that resilience every time. Because I know that that is a common story and I think we get into our heads that you know we have to be always winning and always, you know, improving and reaching that next step in order to reach this overall goal. And so I think Paris is here to break that myth and really have this message of self-compassion and just being really gracious throughout your year as well. So, paris, thank you for joining me, thanks for being here.
Paris Matthews:Yes, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here and have a candid chat with you.
Raeanna Johnson:Good, yay. Well, start off by telling us a little bit more about yourself.
Paris Matthews:Yeah, so I'm Paris. I just turned 27, which is crazy in my head I'm still 17. But I am born and raised in Salt Lake City, utah, and I'm currently a certified child life specialist. And most people are like what is that job? I've never heard of that in my life. And a child life specialist is somebody that helps kids and families cope with hospitals. So right now I'm working in the ER and I come in and I teach a kid what's going to happen before it happens. I use soft language. We do a lot of play, I do distraction throughout procedures, I do bereavement support for families who say goodbye to children for the last time and help siblings say goodbye and do end of life mementos. But I'm also in charge of all the fun stuff and fun visitors and all the toys at the hospital. So it is a lot of jobs kind of all in one. But it's a dream come true.
Paris Matthews:I've been doing that for the last four and a half years and that was a pretty competitive field for me to get into and I kind of think pageants helped me along the way with getting this career, which has been really full circle for me to kind of reflect on.
Paris Matthews:So that's what I do in my professional life. But I love pageantry and I love pageants and I've been competing since I was 19 years old and I've been competing since I was 19 years old and kind of like you mentioned earlier, I lost 13 competitions before I ever even heard my name called on a stage and it wasn't even just oh, I lost and I got first runner up over and over. I was not hearing my name called once, all 13 times and I just kept competing because I love the growth that you can have in the Miss America program. I kind of call it a professional development program because it helped me so much in my career and who I am. But besides my job and pageantry I really just love service and helping other people and the outdoors and relaxing and reading and binging reality TV shows and I'm really excited to do some more of that when my reign is over in just two weeks.
Raeanna Johnson:Are you working full-time at the same time that you are being Miss Utah?
Paris Matthews:So I worked full-time for the first four months and that was quite the crazy commitment for me.
Paris Matthews:I really wanted to try to juggle both, because child life is my passion and I really loved my area that I was working in in the ER.
Paris Matthews:But it became very apparent very quickly that I was kind of not being able to give my whole self to either Miss Utah or my work. I'd be really checked out and be focusing on Miss Utah stuff and so I made the decision to go part time the rest of my year and it was a really great decision for me and I kind of wish I would have done it sooner because I think I got pretty burnt out pretty fast because I would go to work for eight hours a day and then go to Miss Utah stuff all night or I would have to call out of work pretty suddenly, because I got an amazing opportunity that I wouldn't have ever had as Miss Utah and it was really hard to balance both. But luckily I had a really great relationship with my child life team and they allowed me to be flexible. And now I've been working part time since those first four months and I'm still working part time now.
Raeanna Johnson:And that must have really impacted your prep for Miss America too, and that must have really impacted your prep for Miss America too?
Paris Matthews:Yeah, I just kind of felt like I was not present and I was very scattered and not myself either. I felt really present when I was at Miss Utah events, but every other area of my life including how messy my room was and my interactions I was even having at work I just was not giving it my all.
Raeanna Johnson:All right, let's go back before the crowning way, way, way, way, way back eight years ago, when you were 19 and you decided to compete for the first time. How did you get started?
Paris Matthews:I always have liked to do the fun new, weird thing and push myself out of my comfort zone. And I stumbled upon a local non-Miss America pageant that I'd never heard of before. And I stumbled upon a local non-Miss America pageant that I'd never heard of before and I asked my mom if I could do it and I was probably like 15 at the time and she's like maybe let's think about this later. And I'm a competitive dancer.
Paris Matthews:So life got very busy and I was on drill team, our dance team here in Utah, for four years and you know I'm captain of that and so I didn't have any other time to pursue that like little dream I had, and she just kind of brushed it off and didn't think I really wanted to do it that badly. But ever since I had that dream I kind of kept in the back of my head and I once randomly saw a different pageant advertisement and it wasn't for Miss America competition and I signed up and I did that competition and I fell in love with pageantry. But I knew I wanted to go to Miss America and at that time I had no idea of the different systems. I knew like USA and America, but I didn't know that there were even more behind beyond that, but I knew I wanted to stick with the Miss America system and my mom actually grew up doing the Miss USA system.
Paris Matthews:And so I heard her stories of doing pageants and I didn't think she ever thought I would do it either.
Paris Matthews:But I then signed up to do a local in Utah and in my city we don't have a local competition, so I had to only do open competition. So it's, any girl from any place in the state of Utah could compete. And so I went and there were about 20 other girls and most of them had been to Miss Utah already. And so I was 19 years old, never done a Miss America competition, so scared, had no idea what I was doing. I think my evening gown was from Ross and I got on stage. I said an onstage question, I maybe said two or three words and I walked away and I just thought that was the funnest thing in the world. I wasn't even discouraged when I didn't place or didn't win because I knew I was just. I had no idea what I was doing at all. But what I really took away from that competition was Miss Utah was emceeing and her name's Jessie Craig Bailey, and I had this moment with her where she was so encouraging to me and complimented me and made me feel really empowered in who I was, even though at age 19,. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted to be, what I believed in, and she just kind of changed my perspective. I was like I just I want to be just like her. She made me feel so welcome in this organization that I had no idea about and I'm sure to her that was just in her hundreds nights thing that she said that day and didn't think that'd make an impact on me and um, that really stuck with me and we actually get to MC Miss Utah together, um this year, which is really special because she's just my favorite, most impactful Miss Utah. She's the first one I met.
Paris Matthews:But after I did that first competition, I signed up again and I lost. And I signed up again and I lost and I just kept doing it and I kept trying my Ross dresses and but every time I was improving in my interview, when I interviews my favorite competition phase by far, because I can so clearly see where and how I'm improving and so I loved seeing that growth and on stage question was always very nerve wracking for me and so seeing how every time I did a competition I'd say a couple more words, I wouldn't be as shaky, I wouldn't say um, and it just kept getting better and better. And so I just decided I kind of want to try again and try again, and try again. And people always say, well, didn't you? Um, and it just kept getting better and better. And so I just decided I kind of want to try again and try again, try again. And people always say, well, didn't you want to give up? And my short answer is no, not really, because I was having so much fun learning more about myself, really developing myself professionally, but also I love doing service and it was great excuse to get out in the community and make a difference.
Paris Matthews:But but also, in the back of my mind, I had a lot of shame almost for failing so much, even though I was really mentally positive about it. I felt like I wasn't doing enough. What do I need to do better? Is everyone making fun of me that I keep trying and I'm not winning? Is this just? Is everyone talking about me that I'm signing up for another competition even though I've never placed? I'm going against these people who just got runner up at Miss Utah, and. But I just decided to keep going because I loved it so much and I think that the judges really saw through that because I really enjoyed and loved and adored the program so much and I won my first title on my 13th try and that was just the biggest dream come true in my life. I didn't think that that would have ever been me. I kind of expected I was just never going to win. I just love Miss America.
Paris Matthews:And then I went to Miss Utah and I made top 10, which was insane because that year we had, I think, like 55 girls and these were girls that I had, quote unquote lost to um many times over. And so I just wanted to go to Miss Utah and do my very best and have so much fun because I had made it to my dream. And then I made top 10 and all of a sudden everyone started kind of looking at me differently, which I thought was kind of disappointing, because I was the same person I was before that week of that placement. I was the same exact person and it didn't matter how I was placing, but the way I was being treated was unfortunately better by the other competitors and directors and I was just sad that my worth was kind of dependent on how I was placing and not on my service or my personality or just being a competitor. It was really based on my placement and that's something I really try to be cognizant of and tell girls who are competing at locals is somebody in this room could very well be Miss Utah one day. And even if they're not Miss Utah, even if no one else places, it doesn't determine your worth or your value or you should treat this girl really amazing because she plays so well and then this girl's never placed, so pay her no attention because that completely defeats the purpose, and I found that a struggle for sure.
Paris Matthews:But then I competed one more time and I won the title Miss Panorama Land, which is the most hilarious local title name ever, and I noticed that eyes were finally really on me at Miss Utah, and Miss Utah is very competitive. We have a lot of girls, a lot of girls who are returners almost always our entire top five returns and I just noticed a lot of people were kind of whispering, looking at me, kind of paying attention, when I had for so many years nobody would even pay me the time of day. And then I won, which was quite shocking, because of course everyone likes to make their predictions and decide who's going to win and other girls are talking about who they think they was that was going to win and it was never me and I didn't take that personally. But I kind of thought, well, why is no one saying me? Why? Why is everyone counting me out? But it was because I wasn't ever publicly boasting about my prep or winning. I really was just enjoying the process and really loving serving, loving being a local title holder, going to as many events as I could and enjoying competition week. I think that's a big part too. But then I won.
Paris Matthews:On my 16th try. I won the title of Miss Utah, something I never thought was going to happen when, a decade prior, I was so scared and so out of place and had no idea what I was doing. And I think it just made a lot of girls realize that where you place previous years does not matter at all for any kind of title, but also placing is not what matters at the end of the day. And, of course, being Miss Utah has been the biggest dream come true. I could have ever asked for and I'm so grateful for it every day. But even if I had walked away without that crown, that experience would have been enough for me.
Raeanna Johnson:This attitude of gratitude is really powerful and it's emanating from you. Gratitude is really powerful and it's emanating from you. I'm so curious, though how, how different or how maybe not how different, but how your competition preparation evolved throughout those you said 16 competitions.
Paris Matthews:Yeah, miss America was my 17th. Yeah, yeah, I would say, preparation wise, I finally started giving myself a chance. Once I won a local title I kind of thought, okay, wow, I won this opportunity to go compete at Miss Utah, I have a chance. Whether I get 55th place or first place, I have a chance at this. But more importantly, I can see how much better I can get from the last time. And so I did a lot of interview prep very intentionally.
Paris Matthews:But my first year at Miss Utah I was just kind of trying to copy what everyone else does, and that's what a lot I see a lot of girls doing, especially with mock interviews. I was like, okay, let me see what this girl said. How can I incorporate that into what I believe? But then I didn't sound how I sound at all. My tone was different and the content wasn't as strong. And so then, my final year before I won, I really just wanted to be exactly myself, talk how I talk on stage and off stage, and be the exact same person. And I think that's where a lot of girls kind of miss the mark is. They think in the pageant interview room you have to talk a certain way and you can't move your hands as much or you can't talk too fast, and I was just a hundred percent myself the entire time and that way I could really connect with the judges because I believed what I was saying. I was just being myself. I have a habit of talking really fast and I got feedback from somebody saying you talk too fast and you need to slow down. And then one of the positive judges feedback was like I love how you just talked so quickly and I was so engaged, and so it just goes to show that being yourself is always going to be what helps you succeed in any interview room. But just in life, and I translated that to every area of competition.
Paris Matthews:I knew I loved jazz dancing. I want to do super upbeat dance. I didn't want to do lyrical. I knew I wanted to wear a gown that I felt beautiful in. I didn't care how many other girls have black gowns. I think the year I won there were like 20 girls that had black gowns and I didn't care. I wanted to still stick with my black gown and I was just authentically myself and I think that's what you'll hear from every state title holders. They were finally themselves and that's when they were able to win. But also it makes it easier as a state title holder because I don't have to put on this face every day and pretend I'm Miss Utah Paris when I'm at events. I can just be Paris all the time and I'm Miss Utah, with and without the crown.
Raeanna Johnson:Yeah, I really think it's so similar to any other job title that you hold I mean, even you now, as a child life specialist. I mean, you are Paris with that title of child life specialist. I'm, you know, I'm a business owner and a coach, but I'm always me with those titles attached. Um, so I think that's really powerful. Um, what were some of the biggest mindset hurdles that you had to really work through on your way to miss Utah the first time? So you competed for miss Utah twice. Um, did you have any mindset hurdles that you really needed to overcome on your way that first year? And then, what did it look like the second year?
Paris Matthews:So my mindset the first year I was just very caught up about other girls and what they were doing and what they thought of me and how I can be more like them, kind of like I mentioned before. But it just really wasn't. I didn't feel happy that way. And so then I kind of started taking a step up for myself, standing up for myself and setting some boundaries. So, like I have amazing friends in the pageant system and sometimes they want to talk about predictions, and one of my boundaries both years was I don't want to talk about who your top 10 is. I don't want to know who your top five is. I don't know who you want to know, who you think is going to win. And I think that really, really helped with my mindset.
Paris Matthews:Because if a girl would come up to me and be like, oh, I think so-and-so is going to win, I would kind of feel really hurt by that. I'd be like, well, why isn't it me? Why do you think I can't do it? Are you counting me out completely? And I would overthink it. And even if I wasn't going to overthink it, it still put a damper on my spirit almost.
Paris Matthews:And so I just really focused on not talking about predictions with anybody, including my family, and that was just really important for me. I didn't want to bring any of that negative juju in and even if somebody started talking about a prediction to me I'd say you know, I actually think that I have a great shot at this. So I don't really want to talk about this and that was kind of hard to say sometimes to friends but that my mindset, especially that week of Miss Utah was so important that I was like let's talk about something else. I think we should talk about something else because also my friends competing too and that could hurt them. Making predictions or, you know, checking forums or seeing who's saying what or talking to your directors about that kind of thing is just really important for mindset both my years.
Raeanna Johnson:You really have to protect your own energy and protect the the you know kind of infiltration of thoughts that may infiltrate your mind when you're really not not wanting them to being really intentional about the things that you're thinking about and the things that you're talking about because you're absolutely right they completely affect your energy. I think back to what you were talking about with the feedback from judges and getting kind of conflicting feedback. That just goes to show that there is no perfect recipe for success in pageantry. There's just not. There's way too many differing opinions and perspectives and ideas on what makes a great title holder. I think if we can just focus on building up qualifications what are your qualifications for this job? What are the skills that you bring to the table? And then also like leaning into the uniqueness that is you and like your personality, your characteristics, your value that you bring, based on your passions, your insight, your intellect, your skills, all those things I mean that's all you can do and the rest is, you know. Up for God and the universe to decide.
Paris Matthews:Exactly. You can't count on any of the feedback. Feedback's always helpful and I rely a lot on it, especially for, like Miss America prep. But I would just get so much conflicting feedback that I had to go with my intuition of what I thought would be best and what I would be happiest with.
Raeanna Johnson:All right. So it was quite the journey getting to crowning moment last year. What was going through your head on that final night of competition?
Paris Matthews:So I was having a very spiritual week I'm not very religious, but I would say I'm very spiritual and I kept getting these weird like thoughts and feelings, like I think I might win this. And that was kind of crazy because, I mean, I at that point I didn't feel great about my interview and I had been complaining to my roommate like, oh man, I really didn't think I did very well in that, but I kept having this like really weird feeling that I hadn't ever had before, which is like I think you're gonna win. And so I got called to the top five and I just had this feeling. I was like, oh my gosh, I really think that this is about to happen for me. And I just had this weird piece like this overwhelming, overwhelming sensation where I was confident in whatever I was going to say was going to come out. Okay, cause there's the top five final question and, as I mentioned, like on stage question is something I always was very nervous about and I've never felt so much peace and I just knew whatever I was going to say it was meant to happen that way. And then I said my final answer. I was like, oh my gosh, I really think this is about to be me.
Paris Matthews:And then I stood there with my first runner-up and she was actually the first runner up from the year before and so I knew in that moment that one of our dreams was about to come true and one of us is going to be really devastated, because I don't think there was one of us that wanted it more than the other by any means. And I think that was a really surreal moment too to you know, not want to hurt someone else by getting your own dream, but also really wishing and hoping it for yourself. Um, but I had quite the out-of-body experience I think I have, like the most dramatic crowning in the entire universe, um, where I was just completely numb and shocked and stood there with my mouth wide open for the entire crowning and just saying is this real, is this real? And I wasn't just saying it, to say it or to fake act. Surprise, I really was that, genuinely, absolutely shocked, and I quickly got rushed off the stage to do a private interview with the news and I just was as shocked as ever, saying is this real, is this real?
Paris Matthews:And then Miss Utah has an after party at the hotel with her friends and family, and the entire time I was like is this real? And that feeling went on for a couple months of just, is this real, is this actually happening? And I kept thinking this has to kick in sometime. And it never really did for me, to be completely honest, even to this day I don't think I've had, of course, realizations like I'm living my dream. How lucky am I. I get to do so many amazing things.
Paris Matthews:And it's been like almost 365 days, but it still didn't ever like kick in, like emotionally, like I won the job of Miss Utah, which was kind of funny. I thought like one day I have to wake up here and I really feel it and realize it. But it's just another title that you have. Kind of like I said I'm still Paris, I nothing changed when that crown was placed on my head. I am exactly the same. And I thought, for some reason the crown goes on your head and your personality somehow changes. You feel something different, you act different, but you are the exact same person and I act the exact same today as I did on that day.
Raeanna Johnson:The judges must have really sensed that about you, that you were the real deal, no matter what title you had or didn't have Yeah's yeah, Strengthen a weakness when you are can't hide anything about how you feel. I get that. Yeah, sometimes my husband's like Rihanna, check your face. I'm like oh sorry. Yeah, what did you think this was going to look like for you as Miss Utah, versus what reality is?
Paris Matthews:I thought that I wouldn't have to be sending as many emails. Truly, there's so much behind the scenes that goes on in your year. As a title holder a state title holder I don't just have events coming my way, pouring to me. Please come to this event. You know I have to work hard about pitching myself to organizations to have me attend and speak and emcee. And I think a really big thing for me was I created a Miss Utah bucket list, almost my like first week of organizations. I promised judges I was going to partner with and who I really wanted to partner with and what I wanted my year to look like and like what my mission was. And that really helped because every week I would just send out emails, do checklists and everything I wanted to do had come true. Now I can say that and it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't super intentional with my year.
Paris Matthews:I think looking at other Miss Utahs before I kind of just thought that's so cool to get to show up to this. They live really busy lives. I knew that they were busy but I didn't understand how much work really went into it. So a lot of hard behind the scenes work. What did?
Raeanna Johnson:your relationship look like with the board of directors and the volunteers that you worked with throughout your year.
Paris Matthews:Yeah, I have a great relationship with the entire board. They have really been a lifesaver for me. Truly. I asked them a million questions every single day, but they really helped me feel empowered, and I think a part of that was their gratitude for me when they really saw how hard I was working and how much I was really trying to promote our organization and how much I wanted to be doing as Miss Utah, I think, as well. So how thankful they were for me made me want to just keep doing more and more and more.
Paris Matthews:But also I have a business manager who helps me with the scheduling of my events, which is a huge help. But also sometimes it can be challenging to have to go through a second person. But that's kind of the nature when you're getting booked for events to be a professional speaker also Because you know I'm not just showing up and speaking for fun In the role as a state title holder, you are a professional and to be treated as such, you are a professional and, um to be treated as such, you need a business manager who can help negotiate that for you, and so I'm glad that he I've had him to uh, be on that side of things as well. Um, but it's just a lot of emails.
Raeanna Johnson:So you mentioned negotiation, so do you get paid for most of your appearances?
Paris Matthews:Yeah, so I have a stipend as Miss Utah, but the payments of the appearances I do just go straight to the Miss Utah organization and not directly to me as a state title holder. So no matter how many events I do, if I do a lot one month or less the other month, I get paid the same stipend every month throughout my year.
Raeanna Johnson:Does that limit you on what kind of events that you could do, like if you wanted to do an event pro bono?
Paris Matthews:Not necessarily. I think the one thing would probably be like school assemblies. I love children. I mean that's my entire career and I knew I wanted to make a big impact as Miss Utah with youth and so assemblies are a hard thing because schools we required Miss Utah to be paid to present at assemblies and luckily I still had a lot of amazing support through schools and I got to do a lot. But if it was up to me I would have been doing an assembly out of school every single day, every single day, and I still did dozens. But I think I just it limits you that way, but I think for the better I probably would have been very burnt out if I was doing an assembly every single day and I still was able to do everything I wanted to do.
Raeanna Johnson:So, speaking of funding, did you have any role in sponsorships or donor relations, or even like representing corporate partners?
Paris Matthews:Yeah, miss Utah has some really great sponsorships.
Paris Matthews:I get a car for my entire year, which is amazing, and I drive all over the state of Utah and I've had about six cars this year that I trade in and that's been an amazing lifesaver.
Paris Matthews:But I do a lot with sponsors and I have certain criteria that I need to meet every month, week, whenever is needed, within the sponsorship contract that I have to keep up with the organization and that's a huge thing as well. That's a lot of pressure for me as a state title holder is I represent the entire organization that there's dozens of volunteers of and hundreds of girls, and it's my singular job to make sponsors happy with what content I'm posting. And so I didn't think I realized. Of course, I knew I was going to be posting on social media quite frequently, but how often? I would be the like, planner and producer of this content for the sponsors and I always want to make sure that they're extremely happy with the content I'm producing and they're feeling loved and valued um mutually. And that has been a huge chunk of my life as well, that I spend many hours a week doing.
Raeanna Johnson:This is a lot of like almost like entrepreneurial work in so many ways, Like you do have a board behind you and you've got a business manager and everything. But is it how similar is it or different, from the work that you do in your career?
Paris Matthews:I think my work in my career has really helped me as a professional. I've really learned some great professional skills and I work with a lot of different, you know, multidisciplinary teams, so I know how to work with all different kinds of people, which is nice, but not so much corporate kind of organizations is what I'm not used to, because a lot of my work is patient facing and family facing and really individualized and less about like the entire organization will see this sponsored post. But it's really helped me in my confidence in myself also of what I'm capable of as a professional. I think these, like connections I've made and how I'm able to meet deadlines and, you know, work closely with partnerships has made me realize that I can handle that as a professional as well. And I graduate with my master's in healthcare administration in October and I'd love to, you know, utilize my skills that I've been practicing as Miss Utah for a year in the professional field, because I think there are so many great qualities I've learned that are so transferable to being a leader in the workplace.
Raeanna Johnson:Yeah, absolutely, and congrats on that. That is amazing. You've been doing that on top of work and being Miss Utah.
Paris Matthews:Yes, yes, I like to keep it busy, for sure. I took a pause on school during Miss America, but I resumed it right when I got back.
Raeanna Johnson:Gosh, good for you, wow. So let's talk about your community service initiative. We've, like, really not touched on that at all today, so tell me about it. How has it evolved throughout your year?
Paris Matthews:Have you been able to do all the things that you had hoped to do? Yeah, so it has to do with child life, which is my career. My CSI is the power of play, advocating for hospitalized children. So we kind of touched on what my job is as a professional. But my CSI is to provide one-time use play items to hospitalized kids. So when a kid comes to the ER I'll give them Play-Doh or stress balls or tools to normalize the hospital environment and help them with their coping in a therapeutic way.
Paris Matthews:But we really don't like germs at the hospital, so these get either taken home or thrown away, these one-time use items that we distribute frequently at the hospital. And so I saw a huge lack in these items. I would get called for coloring book and I'd have like three options, and I just saw a huge need for the community to know really that we needed more items because it's community, dependent on donations, and so I created this charity, the Power of Play, to collect toy items. So I do toy drives, I do community events where we create play kits and craft kits, I do a lot of blanket tying and just collaborating with other community people to give back to hospitalized kids and, as Miss Utah. I've done several toy drives and blanket tying. I do it with different church groups, with different Girl Scout groups and other local title holders have gotten involved and that's been really exciting and fun.
Paris Matthews:But what my favorite part as Miss Utah is, I've gotten to work kind of as a representative of the hospital I work at, which has been really cool to do interviews as a chart life specialist and Miss Utah but also just representing the hospital. We have a Seacrest Studios, which is a radio station that helps kids cope with the hospital, and we have special visitors. And I've gone as Miss Utah and I'm actually going to go again for the third time on Thursday and it's really cool to see my patients and they don't know and realize it's me because I don't wear makeup to the ER ever. Get to interact with kids as Miss Utah and not as a child life specialist is just so impactful and special to me and I just wouldn't have dreamed of anything more. Fulfilling that's a great word to use for my year is just true fulfillment.
Paris Matthews:But sharing about child life with other people when so many people don't even know what the job is, has been really rewarding. And I also have a book. I wrote a book Maple's Hospital Adventure and that's a book that I read to all the kids when I do school visits and it's about a little girl that gets appendicitis and we learn about all the tests and like what an IV is, a CT scan, an ultrasound, and that's been really cool to go to schools and teach them about these procedures when they're not getting them but they're still learning about them and how play can be used as a coping tool and we practice other coping tools, like deep breathing, and they learn about what a child life specialist is, and so that's been a really cool part about my community service initiative as well.
Raeanna Johnson:Has this always been your initiative or has it changed throughout the years since you started at 18?
Paris Matthews:It has changed and I think I started to succeed more in pageants when it became more solidified to what I am passionate about. So it started out as autism advocacy, which is something I am still passionate about and I work on a lot at the hospital, but it wasn't exactly my niche. And then it changed to Go Gold for Childhood Cancer, which I'm still extremely passionate about, but something more vague towards my job, like the power of play just really encompasses all children, all illness, all diagnoses. Children, all illness, all diagnoses. And I just found such a passion and, you know, picking that route instead of just putting myself in a hole like childhood cancer. But I still do a lot of childhood cancer advocacy work.
Paris Matthews:I was able to go to DC with Miss Rhode Island a few months ago. We were able to lobby for some childhood cancer acts and my last event as Miss Utah is actually going to be at a childhood cancer camp that I love and I've been really sad. I haven't been able to go the last few years because it's during Miss Utah Week, but I get to go this year as Miss Utah, so I'm very excited.
Raeanna Johnson:It's amazing how things come full circle. Yes, so cool and also it's interesting, like, from a marketing perspective. You narrowed your scope in your csi, because you narrowed it to like one specific thing that you are an expert in and one unique like niche need, which is, you know, like getting donations, soliciting donations for for kids, um, but, yeah, you broadened it so that you didn't feel like you had to be maybe an expert in childhood cancer, an expert in autism, and you, you really just led with your heart and I think that's something that so often, like, we have this idea that we're supposed to be catering it to what we think the judges might like or what we might be able to sell at Miss America. But when everything changes is when you finally land on something that is so personal to you and uniquely part of who you are.
Paris Matthews:And on stage, question and interview becomes way less scary because you know what you're talking about. It's coming from your heart, you truly believe and know what you're saying, and so that's like the biggest piece of advice I give is just pick a CSI that is truly you. It doesn't matter truly what it is, as long as it's you know, advocating for some cause that you believe in. If you can speak to it, then it's what you should do.
Raeanna Johnson:Right Shifting gears to Miss America. What does your prep for Miss America look like? I mean, I know you were working full time for those first four months.
Paris Matthews:I'm sure you had to kind of cram a little bit't stress yourself out, and I'm really glad I did that because I was really present when I was at Miss Utah events and, you know, not putting that pressure on me yet, but I still was really excited about the process, and so when I began prepping I knew I just wanted to be authentically myself as I've already mentioned multiple times but really just the interview I wanted to make sure that I wasn't just saying things that I thought would look good at Miss America, just like you just mentioned as well. I didn't want to just regurgitate what every other girl was going to be saying. I wanted to stay true to who I was, but also being so confident and well-spoken that I could be a Miss America, and so just making sure that I wasn't teetering to, you know, be too pageanty or to just say what I thought people were wanting to say, or to be overly marketable. I just wanted to be Paris and display that as well as I could. And I think my favorite part was actually doing my paperwork because I was knowing that this was my last time competing in a pageant. You know this is my one more opportunity and so really just fine tuning those little things was really exciting for me. Like what do I want the Miss America judges to know? Because it was so surreal that I was going, having to fine tune exactly what I wanted them to know about me, but also just having fun.
Paris Matthews:And with the health and fitness portion, I think I previously put a lot of pressure on myself.
Paris Matthews:You know, within my nine years of competing, before I'd won I had lost over 40 pounds and that was something that I really needed to live a healthy lifestyle. And I've never felt better than when I won Miss Utah because I was finally eating and living in a healthy way. But I didn't want to take it too far at Miss America and think I needed to be a certain size to be on the national stage. So I knew I wanted and I knew little girls somewhere were going to be seeing me and looking up to me and seeing how I was acting and talking about my body, and so I knew I didn't want to try to shrink myself in any way at Miss America. I didn't want to shrink the way my body looked, I didn't want to shrink my personality, I didn't want to shrink my beliefs, I just really wanted to be fully myself the entire time and that was something I really focused on and wanted, especially in the health and fitness competition.
Raeanna Johnson:What was the experience like at Miss America?
Paris Matthews:Oh man, it was a busy, busy couple of weeks. I mean flying after the day after Christmas I felt like I didn't really even get a Christmas because I was just in such Miss America mode, um. And once I was there it just kept kind of feeling like, wow, this is what Miss America is. I mean, this is here we are, um. But it was a lot more calm than I was expecting. I kind of thought it was always going to be this like hubbub crazy, and we had a lot more downtime than I expected, even though we were staying up completely late, getting no sleep the entire time. I was surprised at how relaxed I felt the entire time.
Raeanna Johnson:What do you think you attribute your relaxed mindset to?
Paris Matthews:I think it wasn't putting any pressure on the outcome and enjoying the process. I went into it thinking what can I do? That when I walk away from this, no matter the outcome, that this was the best week of my life? And because of that I did have the best week of my life because I was having fun, I was making friends, I was really enjoying the entire process, even the hard parts.
Paris Matthews:And people would say, like what was your favorite part? And I'm like all of it because it really was my favorite part. And I think part of that is also my mindset is that gratitude If you have the attitude of gratitude within anything in life, but especially in pageantry, I think that will be reflected in your experience and in your reality. Because even though a girl who went to Miss America could have had a completely different negative experience than me, my mindset was so gracious to even be there that I loved truly every single moment, even when my alarm went off at four in the morning to get up in the morning, I was like, okay, let's get ready for Miss America.
Raeanna Johnson:How did you emotionally handle the buildup of going to Miss America and then, of course, everything afterwards after coming home?
Paris Matthews:Yeah, I think the buildup was very exciting. In Utah we do a send off, as a lot of states do, but my send off just felt really special because all my friends and family were there, all my pageant friends were there and I got to do it with my teen, which was even more special. And I had gone to those send-offs year after year and never thought and sat in the audience and thought, wow, this is going to be me one day. And so realizing it was me and my opportunity was so cool and I just felt nothing but excitement leading up to Miss America, excitement and happiness the whole week of Miss America. And then coming home I was still just kind of riding off that high and really excited.
Paris Matthews:But something that was kind of hard for me is I have some flight anxiety and some of this stems from a fear called clithrophobia, and clithrophobia is the fear of being trapped. So it's not the fear of small spaces but the fear of like not being able to get out of somewhere, and I've the only place I really struggle is in elevators. But on my way home from Miss America I had a pretty bad anxiety attack on the plane ride home, the entire flight home, and it's a five-hour flight from Orlando to Salt Lake City, and so I had never experienced anything like that before and you know, this kind of didn't come on from anything other than my like underlying claustrophobia and probably just to come down from a very exciting high stress, high pressure week.
Raeanna Johnson:Yeah, exhausting I mean good stress and bad stress, there's both, and so you were, you were processing all of that.
Paris Matthews:Yeah, completely. Your nervous system is just kind of discombobulated in every single way, and since that experience I've had some really bad panic attacks that I have had traveling, when there's like a glyphophobia situation that I hadn't have ever had to deal with previously. I've always had the fear, but I've never really had it where it's impacting my daily life, and so now it's been, you know, almost six months since Miss America, and sometimes it's really hard for me to drive in events in traffic and sometimes I'll be sitting at work and I'll have a random panic attack, and these are experiences that I have never had. I've always had anxiety here and there, as most people do, but you know, I teach kids coping skills and so I know how to implement coping skills myself, but it's kind of past the point of where I'm able to handle it, and so I've had to work really closely with people I trust and therapists, and I've, you know, consulted with my directors and my amazing travel companions that come with me to all my events as Miss Utah.
Paris Matthews:They know that I've been having these struggles and it's really hard, but it's also hard for me because I love going to events as Miss Utah, I love traveling, I love to do as much as I possibly can, and so to feel these anxious feelings when I'm doing something that I love has been really challenging for me. But also, I've just had to give myself a lot of grace that I'm doing my best. And you know, these feelings aren't, you know, in my control. But what's in my control is how I respond to them and, you know, reaching out to others for help, which is just something I've never had to do before and I've, you know, heard and helped others when they're having anxiety or hard times. But now that it's me, I've just realized how much I really do have to rely on those I love and give myself that grace and self-compassion.
Raeanna Johnson:Yeah, I was going to say this is really where I'm seeing the self-compassion practice come in, and that's what I would emphasize race and self-compassion are practiced. These are not like skills that you just like pull out and you're like, all right, I'm super compassionate for myself now. No, you have to actively practice it and there's like skills that you need to be able to pull out in those moments when you need it the most. How has that journey been for you of figuring out the way to practice self-compassion and grace for yourself?
Paris Matthews:I am a very overly independent person and I think I wanted to just deal with it on my own for such a long time, but I was seeing it really just impact the way I was acting, even though, like inside, I would just be having such deep panic.
Paris Matthews:The outside I could manage it a little bit, but it just came to a point where I knew I needed to rely on other people, to a point where I knew I needed to rely on other people. And that started with self-compassion, which is acknowledging like it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to tell other people what you're going through and what you're thinking, what you're feeling. And I think a lot of part, a big part that I feel a little bit of shame about is that I didn't want to have other people have to help me. I didn't want to like burden them and, you know, didn't want to take away from any of their experiences and, realizing that I needed to still ask for help, even though I didn't want to and I wasn't being a burden to other people, that they wanted to help me and, you know, make my experience as it continues the last little bit as easy as possible.
Raeanna Johnson:That is such a beautiful sentiment that we do as humans, and I think especially as women, where we don't want to put that burden on anybody else. But you're so right People want to help if they can. And I think the other thing to remember too is that if they can't, they may say no, but it's not because they don't want to, but maybe they don't have the capacity to in some way shape or form, but it's never because you're not deserving of it or worthy of it. But being able to allow people to have, like, make their own decision on whether or not they can be helpful to you, whether that's financially or by giving of their time or lending an ear, being emotional support.
Raeanna Johnson:And there's certainly times like even recently for me like I cannot be at the level of emotional support that I would like to be for certain people in my life, and I think that's why it's important that we all have a lot of different resources and different people that we can go to, because relying on one person, I mean, it's going to burn them out too, and so we can kind of spread our our you know, like mini string, many. What is it? Many strings, many strings, that analogy you know what I'm talking about. Like the more strings that you have together, the stronger it is. Like builds the rope, and so having like building up that support system for ourselves and knowing who we need to turn to in those times is it's a powerful tool and it's hard to navigate when you are, like you said, as independent and strong-willed as you are.
Paris Matthews:Yeah, definitely, and I think with me, a lot of my anxiety is triggered by like quote unquote, silly things that I know aren't like direct threats or they're just not easily fixable. Things Like I think a lot of people just will like feel like general anxiety or it's because they're stressed at work and that's really fixable because you know what the problem is when my things are just kind of really sudden and really quick and really intense. That's also hard because when I do ask people, when I like communicate that I need some help or relying on other people, it's hard because as people, we want to problem solve. Or relying on other people, it's hard because as people, we want to problem solve and a lot of my problem solving is just being a support person for me and me, sharing that I'm going through something hard and you understanding and also giving me compassion as a resource and friend.
Raeanna Johnson:Validation goes so far.
Paris Matthews:Yeah.
Raeanna Johnson:Yeah, validation is so powerful for someone when they're struggling with depression or anxiety or any kind of emotional struggle, because, with anxiety and speaking from my own experience, when I'm feeling and what I have to practice is radical acceptance and self-validation. And it's even more helpful and impactful when someone else is validating. Like you know, they don't have to understand exactly how it feels, but to just acknowledge that I'm having a hard time and that I'm okay and it's okay and it's not dumb or silly or anything like that Like just helping me kind of alleviate my own judgmental thoughts on myself is so validating and so helpful. I completely agree. This has been a long journey for you. You're finally here, you're wrapping it up.
Paris Matthews:How does that feel I keep saying I'm going to be devastated. And that's just because I know myself so well and I know how much I truly love this job and I don't know what the next steps are. I think a lot of people are like, what are you going to do next? And for me it's like, well, I'm in my dream job, I'm about to graduate my master's degree. I guess you know I don't know what you want me to say about what's next, because I have no idea. And I think that's also really beautiful because I have so many opportunities that I could pursue, which is exciting. But also I feel like at this end of your reign, every girl is kind of asked like, what are you gonna do? And I'm like I don't know what you're expecting from me. Do you want me to go to medical school? Do you want me like yeah, um. And so I think that's also a part of my life that I need to kind of expect.
Paris Matthews:Accept of myself is, you know, I don't know what's next. This next phase of my life is going to be really unknown and as somebody that loves control and loves to know what's going to happen, I kind of have to just go with the flow and see what's going to happen. But along with that I've worked with a therapist and she knows how much I've worked for this opportunity and how it's going to be quite a lifestyle adjustment for me when it changes. It's going to be quite a lifestyle adjustment for me when it changes and that's been really helpful too, that her, and along with everyone in my life, knows how hard this is going to be for me. And so I am going to have those supports and my friends have already started like let's get some plans in your schedule for the week after Miss Utah and let's go to a show together and let's make sure we're spending some time and you're going to spending some time and you're going to have some time to yourself.
Paris Matthews:But I'm also really excited because I feel like a lot of my self-care stuff has taken the back burner this year. Like I usually cycle once every single day and I haven't gone to a cycling class in like six months. And it's not because I don't want to or I'm feeling lazy, it's not. My schedule simply doesn't allow it at this time. And so I'm excited to kind of come back to myself, in a way, and see what my life is like without this constant huge goal, um, that for so long felt so unattainable, and to see like what other hobbies are going to fill it, and just to get to know myself, like who I am, without pageantry. But also, my entire year I've been planning, you know what's this going to look like when it's over? Because it does always come to end and I always say, like the worst part about winning Miss Utah is it has to be over one day.
Paris Matthews:And I made sure that being Miss Utah was my number one priority throughout this year. But it wasn't the only thing about me, it wasn't my whole identity. And by making sure that it wasn't my whole identity, I know I'm going to be just okay, just fine, when this comes to an end. I'm still going to have all my friends I've really made sure to maintain those relationships with. I'm going to have my career to maintain those relationships with. I'm going to have my career. I'm going to have my job, my friends, my family and what I love to do, all outside of the title, because kind of what we touched on earlier is we're so much more than the titles that we give ourselves and I know I'm going to be just fine and also just the same person when I'm not Miss Utah. We talked about when I was crowned Miss Utah. I thought something was going to change and I'm just the same. And when I take that crown off for the last time, I'm going to be the same person all over again.
Raeanna Johnson:Yeah, and I'm so glad you have those supports in place. I'm glad that you have these amazing people in your life that are, that are going to have like this, just beautiful soft landing for you, um for for, on the other side of this, because there is absolutely a grieving process to this and I think people really underestimate that or they are completely unaware of that when you have spent years of your life pouring every fiber of your being into this dream and this goal and it's wrapping up up like there's heartache in that, there's sadness, there's so much joy and there's so much gratitude. But but there's a finality to it, and I will say it's pretty awesome, being a former too, though.
Paris Matthews:I am excited and I think the way that I'm going to cope with it is still staying really involved. I'm really excited to see like that I'm going to cope with it is still staying really involved. I'm really excited to see, like, how I'm going to stay involved and like if I'm going to join a local board, if I someday want to, you know, join the board of directors, or if I want to help girls in my state, you know, with winning their local competitions. I'm not sure what it's going to look like, but I'm really excited and I'm already planning to go to Miss America in September. So I'm excited. I'm really excited and I'm already planning to go to Miss America in September. So I'm excited.
Raeanna Johnson:Good, all good things to come. That's really, really exciting. So, as we wrap up, what advice would you give to the next Miss Utah or truly like anyone listening right now that may win their state title and be on their way to Miss America?
Paris Matthews:I would say, like, even beyond state title holders, don't count yourself out. I think it's really easy to like place expectations on other people or look at patterns of you know placements or even what state you come from, and I think it's just important to believe in yourself a true, deep belief that you can achieve what you're trying to achieve and that there's not any method or rhyme or reason and that you full heartedly can go after your dreams and it can happen for you. Because my biggest regret is I counted myself out for so long and, like here I am, I did it and I think I've enjoyed the process more if I really let myself dream all the way big to the very top. So I think, just dream big and don't count yourself out.
Raeanna Johnson:I love that because so often, like when I'm doing a consultation with someone new and I asked them like what are your goals? And frequently it's I want to have fun, I want to feel good about myself and I'm like that's wonderful, we can absolutely do that. But do you have competition goals, Like do you want to win.
Raeanna Johnson:Well, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know if I can. I've never placed before and I'm like okay, well, whether or not you know it will or won't happen, do you want it to like? That is the question, and I think that's the question that everyone needs to answer for themselves. It's like what do you want? Strip away any of the fears or the self-doubt or the ideas of what has happened or could happen or won't happen or whatever. All of that stuff is just limiting, because it's just obscure, guessing at this point. Truly find out in your heart what do you want and why? And then I love that, paris, don't count yourself out. Put yourself in the position to learn and grow and get after what you want.
Paris Matthews:Yeah, it's vulnerable to admit out loud your biggest dreams, because sometimes it might not come true. But you never know until you really work towards it and admit that that's something that you're wanting.
Raeanna Johnson:So I love that work towards it and admit that that's something that you're wanting. So I love that. Yeah, for sure. Right, is there anything else on your heart and your mind that you want to make sure we talk about today, or any kind of last words of wisdom before we wrap up today's conversation?
Paris Matthews:You know, I just say keep trying to win your title until you can no longer try, until you're aged out. I think is something. That one piece of advice. And then also, if anybody wants to become a child life specialist, I love helping people in this very niche field. You can always message me and reach out, and I love to help people on that journey as well.
Raeanna Johnson:So I love it. Cool, awesome, paris, thank you so much. This was my last like I don't know how many calls I had today. It's been a really long day, a wonderful day, so many amazing things going on, but this was the best way to wrap up my night was this conversation with you. Thank you for being such a light, and just your humble confidence is so beautiful and it's so aspirational. I just like want to bottle it up and like divvy it out to everyone I meet because it's just such a beautiful thing. So thank you for sharing that. Thank you for sharing your heart and for being candid with me tonight.
Paris Matthews:Thank you so much for inviting me. It's been a beautiful conversation.
Raeanna Johnson:Yeah, good, all right, good luck with the rest of your year. Congratulations. Can't wait to see what happens next for you and for those of you that are along for this lovely ride. I will talk with you again next week. Take care of yourselves, and I'll talk to you then. Bye.
.png)