Sash & Soul
Welcome to the "Fearlessly Authentic: Sash & Soul Podcast," the show that goes beyond the stage to prioritize mindset, wellbeing, and triumphs in the pageant journey. Each episode explores the power of embracing authenticity, sharing mindset tips, self-care strategies, and inspiring success stories to help you navigate the pageant world with confidence and resilience.
Sash & Soul
#54 Crowned & Candid: Kalyn Melham, Miss Indiana 2024
What does it truly mean to hold a state title in the Miss America Organization? In this heart-to-heart conversation, Miss Indiana 2024 Kalyn Melham pulls back the curtain on her journey through pageantry with refreshing candor and wisdom.
Kalyn's path wasn't the typical one – she started competing in college at 18, not as a little girl with a childhood dream. Her story reveals the power of authenticity in a world often associated with perfection. "You can either wear the title or it can wear you," she shares, capturing the essence of her approach to the crown. Throughout our discussion, Kalyn emphasizes that pageantry is simply one chapter in life's larger story, not something that defines your worth or future.
The conversation takes us through the business side of being Miss Indiana – from restructuring her service initiative to make a broader impact, navigating social media pressures, and building partnerships across the state. We explore the unexpected challenges of wearing a crown in serious settings and how she learned when sparkle was appropriate versus when a more subdued approach better served her purpose. Kalyn candidly discusses her Miss America experience, sharing how different it felt from her state preparation and the emotions of returning home afterward.
What makes this episode particularly special is Kalyn's perspective on transition. In just one year, she graduated with her master's degree, won Miss Indiana, competed at Miss America, started a new job at Butler University, moved to a new apartment, and got engaged! Through it all, she maintained a beautiful outlook that embraces each experience for what it is, without placing her entire identity in any single achievement.
As her reign comes to a close, Kalyn leaves us with a powerful message about kindness – not just toward others, but toward yourself. Her refreshing honesty about what success really looks like will resonate whether you're considering competing, currently hold a title, or simply want to approach life with more authenticity. Listen now to discover why sometimes letting go of expectations leads to our greatest victories.
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Hey you guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul. We're at it again with potentially one of our last Crowned and Candid episodes in Sash and Soul. And just as a reminder, and to those of you that are new, well, first of all, welcome and thanks for tuning in. But just to share Crowned and Candid was really born out of this idea that we really want to provide more transparency for you about what the life of a state title holder looks like the good, the bad, everything in between the business side, the personal side because I think oftentimes when we build something up in our head, something that we dream of becoming or we've dreamt of becoming in the past, we kind of build up this idea of it and sometimes that idea feels unattainable and we kind of build up this idea of like perfectionism, of what we then need to attain personally in order to achieve that goal. And that's just not it. I always encourage my clients to sit down with the outgoing title holder or very recent title holder, if they can't sit down with a current title holder to get a realistic job preview what this looks like. If you're serious about doing this job, you have to be very clear on what that big picture, what the job looks like for you, so that you can see yourself in it. And so that's what this series is really meant to be.
Raeanna Johnson:And today I have the pleasure of introducing to you Kaylin Mellom. This is Miss Indiana 2024. And I can already tell from just like the brief little conversation that we've had together, that this is going to be a really heartfelt conversation. So I'm excited to dive in but, as always, want to share her overall message with you that we were just chatting about, and I typed it up almost verbatim, which I was excited to like capture because the words are so beautiful.
Raeanna Johnson:She says it's important for everyone to understand that this is just another experience in life and regardless of if it's your first time competing, or if you never make it to Miss America or never make it to the state level, it in no way defines the next steps for you. It can be a world that you visit and you have a great time, and then you go back to life outside of it. We're just people on this earth and you can either wear the title or it can wear you, and I literally have chills as I'm reading that. So thank you for those beautiful words. I'm excited to hear more from you, Kaylin, Welcome. Thanks for being here.
Kalyn Melham:Thank you.
Raeanna Johnson:This is so exciting. Yeah, it's going to be fun. Tell us a little bit about yourself.
Kalyn Melham:Okay, well, I'm coming to you from Carmel, indiana. I actually just moved to this apartment, not even a week ago, so life is busy. I started a new job at Butler University Go Dawgs. I'm also currently rooting for our Indiana Pacers. They have their first playoff game in the NBA finals tonight. So those are some things that are just fresh in my mind right now. But, yes, I am miss Indiana 2024, two weeks left in my year. Boy, has it been an amazing experience. I don't even know where to begin. There are so many words that I get like. Some people are like there's no words and I'm like, no, there's so many words, so much to share. It's been incredible. I am thankful mostly for the community of people that have been through all these transitions with me in my life, especially my new fiance, because I did just get engaged, like three weeks ago.
Kalyn Melham:So, it's fresh. It's fresh Congratulations, thank you, thank you and transitions in life all over the place. But that is that's what life is it's made up of transitions. There are so many blessings among the chaos and I'm trying to think about other things. I can just say about me generally. I did grow up in Indiana. I have an undergrad and a master's degree from Ball State University and I'm so excited to get acclimated in the Indy area.
Raeanna Johnson:What are you going to do with your degrees? Were you working before you were crowned?
Kalyn Melham:I was finishing up my graduate program, so I was a grad student during the week of Miss Indiana. I had to take off classes and I was a grad assistant as well. So I worked part time during grad school and three weeks after I was crowned as Miss Indiana I graduated with my master's degree. I decided to pursue Miss Indiana full-time so I could optimize the experience and try to just say yes to everything. That was kind of the goal I set for myself. And upon returning home from Miss America was when I decided okay, I think it's time to think about a more traditional career path for myself. And that is what ultimately landed me to be an admission counselor at Butler University. So I work in admissions. I'll be traveling to Michigan and different parts of Indiana to recruit prospective students to come to Butler.
Raeanna Johnson:What a fulfilling job.
Kalyn Melham:It's really cool because, especially at Butler University, that is where the Miss Indiana candidates stay during Miss Indiana Week, and so that was like the first time I was introduced to Butler and Butler. The first time I saw Butler's campus was my first time at Miss Indiana Week and something about it was just, it was special and it just goes to show again that you know, miss Indiana Week and pageants in itself is just another life experience that can open other doors for us, and I'm so excited to be in a career path that encourages prospective students to continue their education and find where their passions align academically.
Raeanna Johnson:What a wild year. You graduate from grad school, you go to Miss America, you start a new job and then you get engaged. That's right, and I moved on top of it all. That's a lot, yeah, okay, how long have you been competing? What was the journey to Miss Indiana like for you?
Kalyn Melham:I did not start competing in pageants until college. I was 18 years old and I really wanted to compete for Miss Ball State University in 2020. Of course, 2020 has a little bit of a ring to it where the pandemic comes into play, and so my first half of my pageant experience was kind of shelved for a while, and that's okay. I mean that time of life came with its own scenarios for everybody. But I did pageants over the course of 2020 until 2024, when I became Miss Indiana and I only went to state twice.
Kalyn Melham:And before punching my ticket to the Miss Indiana stage, I was the Delaware County Fair Queen and I got to compete at the Miss Indiana State Fair pageant and that placement and so there were 114 girls at the state fair pageant and I was able to walk away as the second runner up.
Kalyn Melham:And that was the first time that I thought, hey, if I just relax and don't worry so much about the outcome or put every ounce of my wellbeing into where I'm going to place, it's crazy how much you can, how much you can do when you don't worry about it, cause then I didn't sit there and think, oh, I need to impress the judges. It was more of a. I just want them to get to know me and I want to get to know them and if they have a question for me, I'm just going to answer it, as Caitlin and it was. It was just. It was astonishing to me to see how, if I just relaxed, it always worked out better than when I put a bunch of pressure on myself Was there a pivotal moment, that you realized that, that it just clicked.
Kalyn Melham:I think it was that pageant, because then, after that pageant, that's what motivated me to try to compete for Miss Ball State University again as a senior. And then I became Miss Ball State and competed at Miss Indiana for the first time, and I went back to that anxious mindset what's the girl doing next to me? How can I be more like her? How do I follow the footsteps of a girl who placed well last year, when, at the end of the day, it's so obvious if someone is trying to mimic the mannerisms or habits of the person next to them? And that it never got me anywhere and it got me in my head. It was, I felt, stuck, and so I'm thankful that I had another opportunity to go to Miss Indiana.
Kalyn Melham:I think that Miss Indiana 2024 was going to be the last year I competed for it either way, and I remember kind of having that moment of closure, regardless of the outcome. But I had a wonderful team of local directors that just reminded me that you don't have to show up as anyone else but yourself. You don't have to put a pressure on yourself or an expectation. Just show up as you see where it takes you. You're prepared, go in there, hit, play and have fun, and I walked away as Miss Indiana.
Raeanna Johnson:It happens when you let it go All of a sudden. I used to call it I haven't said it in so long but I used to call it like the little Bo Peep effect, like if you let it go it will come to you, like leave them alone and they'll come home, kind of concept of the sheep.
Kalyn Melham:Absolutely. What I think is hard about that, though, is we don't always choose when we actually let it go, and that I don't know how to. I don't know how to tell someone oh, just let it go. Like you, we don't really decide that Like. I think you just have to learn to let things go. You have to learn how to relax in certain environments, and that's why I was so glad I got to do Miss Indiana twice, because I'm someone who needs to be familiar with her environment literally the stage, the backstage, the dressing room. What does it look like? That way, I can actually visualize myself there. I don't know if it's an element of, maybe it's a mental thing that I have. I don't know if there's a word or a diagnosis for that, but I'm not going to be fully comfortable or relaxed or let things go until I can visualize what I'm going to be doing. So the first time I do anything, I don't think it is going to. I don't think I'm going to be relaxed.
Raeanna Johnson:You know what I mean. Right, there's always an era of the like uncomfortability with the unknown.
Kalyn Melham:Yo yeah absolutely Right.
Raeanna Johnson:Right, and it's interesting because I think it's a common experience you know talking about like you don't really choose when you let it go. It just kind of happens, or like it clicks all of a sudden. I think it's really common for women to go and compete for the first time not know what they're doing, like super green, and just like, have a great time. Or like you know, whatever, I'm just, I'm just here soaking it in, trying to get a hang of this. And then the next year, if, if they've had some success, or they get that bug and they're like, oh my gosh, I really want this, I'm going to go after it Then you push too hard and you work too hard and you're looking for all the things that you're supposed to be doing or should be doing, and that's when, like it doesn't work. Usually I mean rarely would that ever work and then you're kind of forced to realize it Like, oh well, that didn't work the first time around it worked. What's different? What's changed?
Kalyn Melham:And it's different from person to person. I've learned Because I know, like I knew, that the Miss America opportunity wouldn't be something I would get to do again. So I think for me, like I didn't even know where to begin when it came to goal setting and there was so much momentum building up to it that I thought I had to want something or had to feel a certain way, or it all had to be special when, at the end of the day, I think I was just so happy having a seat at the table, had to be special when, at the end of the day, I think I was just so happy having a seat at the table, like I think I was just happy that I got to be there as Miss Indiana. And I think I let that get away from me, because all the hype and the send off and this is how we measure success and pageants and it's like no, like what we talk about on podcasts, like this is how we measure pageants, cause when I got home, I got a job and I think that's very successful, and I think moving and being in a new space and taking care of myself is very successful and all of those intertwined together to work out for me.
Kalyn Melham:And so, looking back, I think it's like I had that pressure of, well, you won't get to do Miss America again, you won't get to become familiar with the space, like you just have to go. And maybe now I realized my goal was to just be there and to take it all in and enjoy the week for whatever came with it. And I think that that's okay, because most of the time a girl's probably going to go there and not know what to expect, and that's okay. Like I think it's okay if you don't have a vision for your week. I think it's okay if you don't even have like hard set goals, like you can just show up sometimes. It is okay.
Raeanna Johnson:Yes and practice trusting yourself to just show up and be okay in that space, because you'll be able to handle yourself no matter what comes at you. This concept of don't expect anything but know that you're prepared for everything.
Kalyn Melham:Right, absolutely. And I think that there's so many different personalities that come and go in the pageant world and I also feel like I've been on a glorified detour in life with pageants. I didn't grow up doing pageants world and I also feel like I've been on a glorified detour in life with pads, like I didn't grow up doing pageants and I don't think that that kept me from embracing them fully in any capacity. But I wasn't really the girl who put on a dress and started crying Like I think that'll happen for me when I go wedding dress shopping soon, cause it's like your wedding day and it's it's the boy and it's the fam. Like you know, it's a family ring Like that, to me, is very emotional. It comes to family. But I I didn't, you know, cry when I would put dresses on and it felt like I was doing something wrong. I didn't journal like a front to back pages every night at Miss America Cause I would be sleeping and I didn't like I didn't have like when I had false eyelashes on.
Kalyn Melham:I didn't like it was itchy you know, like there were just parts of me that I was like I don't fully fit the same mold that the girl next to me might. And that's okay, cause I'm still here, I'm still at this table and I'm really grateful for that.
Raeanna Johnson:What was it like as you kicked off your year as Miss Indiana? So, this is something I don't know that I've really talked about with anyone on Crown and Candid yet, but it is kind of a pivotal time in your year because you're like diving in and trying to adjust and get used to it all. So what was that experience like for you?
Kalyn Melham:That was, I would say, the most exhilarating part of the Miss Indiana year for me, in the best way too. I did graduate, I did move back home so I could do this full time, and so, again, it was another scenario of transitions, but I loved the freedom of being able to just be Miss Indiana and showing up and, yes, I will be there, yes, I'll sing the national anthem, yes, I'll come speak to the kids. Yes, like I think, I just embraced it fully and I didn't think twice about anything, I didn't look back, I just enjoyed it and it was so much fun. I felt very alive, it felt very surreal until like month two or three, and I think it was uh. I mean it took some time to to adjust to, hey, every weekend or even days of the week, you're you're going to be driving hundreds of miles, sometimes You're going to be going all over the state and sometimes to sister states, and so getting into that rhythm and routine it took a little bit of adjusting, but I wanted to. I remember telling my directors I'm trying to.
Kalyn Melham:Right before state last year I was envisioning the year as Miss Indiana, not a crowning moment, because I think everyone's like, oh, the end would be crowned as Miss Indiana and you visualize a crowning moment.
Kalyn Melham:There's nothing wrong with that, but I think to truly put yourself in the position of being a purposeful title holder and understanding what comes with the year as Miss so-and-so, is visualizing yourself in that position, having a plan, having a plan that is almost mimicking like a business structure, like. I think it's important to really prepare yourself for what that would look like, because that's what the first chunk of my year was was okay, let's do this, this, this, and now, let's, let's go do it, let's go live it out. Um, it's a lot of fun. My directors sat me down not even 12 hours after being crowned as miss indiana and they just said you know, we are here to guide you however we can, but this is your year and however we can help you, let us know. And I think, as someone who I'm a pretty independent girl I am that was wonderful because it allowed a space for collaboration and I didn't feel like I had to surrender any passion of mine or give up something that I was really wanting to pursue as Miss Indiana.
Raeanna Johnson:Were there parts about the job that you were surprised by or looked way different than what you expected?
Kalyn Melham:Definitely yes. I think what surprised me was how, how much responsibility we have on social media, and I do understand that in some cases that's just a choice, like you can choose how active or how non-active you want to be on social media, and either way is okay. But I think to really optimize and reach as many people as possible or make the most out of the memories that you're you're creating for yourself, having a camera can help with that. You know, having other people to connect with in a digital space, it's a tool. Social media can ultimately be a tool if we allow it to work as one.
Kalyn Melham:And so I was shocked with not like creating content or the feedback, necessarily, but I continued to kind of raise the bar for myself, based on what I would see on social media and how I thought the way people view you is only social media and there are some elements to that. That's true. But I think with social media comes a lot of peer pressure and not the peer pressure that you hear, like in middle school, of like, oh, do this because so-and-so is doing it. But it's more of a live up to an expectation that this industry may have had about this title you're having have had about this title you you're having, there's an expectation that maybe was there at one point. So, I think, adjusting to that throughout the year and keeping up with a platform that I had never I mean, I'd never had a platform with that much significance or inspiration, I guess I I tried to be really careful and purposeful at the same time, but it was a really great opportunity too, and it didn't scare me.
Raeanna Johnson:It wasn't something I I ran from, but that's something that did surprise me, what were your most negative or maybe one of your most negative experiences with social media?
Kalyn Melham:Oh, I have a sensitive heart, and so I've compared myself to other women multiple times. I'm not afraid to admit that, just because I think how you handle those comparisons in your head and how you pick yourself back up from maybe that negative mindset, that's what shapes you into who you are. I mean, I'm so proud of how far I've come from, like the middle school girl I once was, who would look at some influencer who probably edited a photo, you know, and then somehow took it to heart and it like would make me really hard on myself, and I can confidently say that, as a 24 year old woman now, I would look back at my middle school self and just like, be like girl you're. You are so special, you're so unique and beautiful. It's okay, and I'm so proud of that. So it's okay If there are young girls or boys listening to this that have done that before, because we've all been there, I can guarantee it whether people are willing to share or not, and it's okay if you're not willing to share.
Kalyn Melham:Um one time I was, though I was at a Riley Children's Hospital visit.
Kalyn Melham:As a former Riley patient, riley Children's Hospital was one of my all-time favorite organizations to collaborate with this year and Riley Hospital shared photos of my visit and I don't know why this is the post that some user decided to comment on, but you know they were like, wow, this girl looks like she shopped at Goodwill for her outfit and oh her, look at all the work she's had done on her face, especially her teeth.
Kalyn Melham:I'm just sitting there reading it like oh my gosh, like one, okay, ouch, a little bit. It like oh my gosh, like one, okay, ouch, a little bit. But also I haven't done all my. You know what I mean. Like my first thought was like to defend, and then I was like we don't need to engage with internet trolls, like I'm trying to give back to the hospital that literally touched my life. But again, a title holder should be aware of the fact that it's not always going to be easy, no matter what space you go into, and just be prepared. I I again like I have a sensitive heart, but you've got to be able to just let that go and that's one of those things that you do have to like just that does not matter.
Raeanna Johnson:Like let that go, but it happens, it does matter, like let that go, you know, but it happens, it does. Why? What? I don't know. I'm like I when people do that, I'm like like, aren't you tired? Like what a waste of energy go for a walk yeah, it's like go eat a cookie.
Kalyn Melham:Literally, yeah, yeah.
Raeanna Johnson:Uh, as as a title holder, there's all like the business side of things, too, that we just don't really talk about. We don't see on social media. We see the uh, the appearances, we see like the end product of all the work behind it. So what was the business side of things for you as Miss Indiana, or is I should say, we're not done yet?
Kalyn Melham:I would start by saying that Indiana has a really unique state organization in the sense that there there's a lot of, there's a lot of liberties, like from girl to girl year to year it's not going to look the same, and I love that. I know there are some states where you kind of have one structure and then a different girl every year, and I don't think there's one right way to do it. I think that both of those are purposeful. We're making a difference. Either way, deanna, this year something that I think was really cool for me to take on was a little bit of restructuring on my service initiative.
Kalyn Melham:So my CSI began as ACT, which is Advocating for Change Through Theater. So anytime that I would perform, sing, have a cabaret, anything involving performing, I would fundraise at those events. So a cabaret for hunger relief, a cabaret for Riley Children's Hospital, or inviting audience members to our theater production and having them bring canned goods for the ministry down the road. Any chance I had to perform, we would fundraise simultaneously, although I have that passion that aligns with theater. We thought it would be purposeful to broaden the service initiative to general acts of service, because what I found in my first two months as Miss Indiana is that I would go and sing in third grade classrooms or volunteer at nursing homes or just lend a hand wherever I could.
Kalyn Melham:So it, although it did use theater a lot, it wasn't the only thing that I was doing to fundraise or make a difference, and we thought it at a national level too. It would be a little more of a, an optimal experience for sponsorships or collaborations at that national level, and it wouldn't just limit us to theater partnerships. So as a from a business perspective, I guess, like you're saying, I just had to kind of think about okay, how do I want to realign this on my paperwork, or what other organizations and businesses can I collaborate with? And it was a lot of fun. It opened a lot of new doors. There's an accounting firm here in Carmel, just down the road, that they were able to donate a check to the American Heart Association fund when we fundraised for Miss America, and so I liked it because, even though it kind of morphed a little bit into something different, it also opened more doors and I think it just it grew me as an individual and, I think, really added some depth to my year.
Raeanna Johnson:What was bringing on sponsors, bringing on collaborating with businesses? What was that process like for you?
Kalyn Melham:You really do have to lean into the connections that you have, which that's kind of the case with anything again, like looking for jobs or moving, like connections it's huge and the Miss America opportunity is filled with connections.
Kalyn Melham:So again, that's a great, great plugin for girls all over the nation. I am fortunate enough to have a brother who worked at that business. So he was like, oh, he was so excited my family, they were so excited when I got crowned as Miss Indiana, and so he was like, let's do something. Let me try to talk to our partners and see if they'd be interested in funding this and donating. And then I kind of looked at that process that we had in the conversations that we had over at that company and tried to apply that same structure to local theaters and seeing how I can plug in there. Because, again, even though we grew the platform to reach a wider audience, I didn't want to leave what started at all, which was theater. So I would kind of use that same structure and plan and go into theaters and do the same thing.
Raeanna Johnson:That's a really cool thought too, that like I guess it's what we do, but I hadn't really thought about it in that way of like you kind of just build a blueprint off of doing it right, like you just just do something, get started and take what, what works, and build on it and like in this case, talking about bringing on partners, like what those conversations look like, the process to get those conversations started and to onboard them as partners and build what that collaboration looks like and then copy paste and edit based on the other organization that you'll be working with.
Kalyn Melham:Right, and it definitely. It can change because, like one being an accounting firm and then one being a community theater, super different but both have that heart of wanting to give and help out in their community as much as possible.
Raeanna Johnson:Did you ever have any personal insecurity or self-doubt about asking for donations or sponsorships or building those collaborations, and how did you work through that?
Kalyn Melham:I thankfully didn't have self-doubt, but it is awkward to you know what's awkward? Sometimes showing up in a sash and a crown period can be really awkward. I remember just going to a hospital event and I mean some of these kids are in their beds and can't really get up and do anything and I think that they loved the sparkles. But sometimes I just thought why do I feel a little bit out of pocket here? Why do I feel like I'm kind of coming in a little too loud in an environment that's so sensitive?
Kalyn Melham:you know, and so I think that that's. I don't think it's something that people necessarily like, don't take seriously, but I always thought in certain scenarios, like even singing the national anthem sometimes, which I had the opportunity to do a lot I love doing that, but the crown can be distracting and I in some scenarios I thought it would be wise to maybe just have the sash and have a little bit of a classier etiquette to it and it changes. Sometimes people are like, oh no, sash and crown, oh the kids will love that, oh the guests will love that, and of course. But there are some elements to, I think, just being a pageant title holder in general whether it is asking for donations or showing up and how you present yourself that can be a little uncomfortable and it's followed with insecurity sometimes.
Raeanna Johnson:Thank you for saying all of that. That is something that I have not thought about in so long and it's so true. But one appearance type that I never wore my sash and crown was when I was speaking to middle schoolers or high schoolers, because my initiative was so serious and I wanted to connect with the students through my stories and through my words. That you're right. Like it would be a distraction A and B, it felt so inappropriate for the conversation that I wanted to have with those students, inappropriate for the conversation that I wanted to have with those students and I think there was a video I saw.
Kalyn Melham:I want to say last year it was when Madison, miss America, madison Marsh, when she went to an event it was a military related event and I happened to recognize that I think she just had the sash and my immediate thought was like I was like I know she didn't forget the crown. It's an event where you maybe don't need to have a sparkly hat glistening in every direction. Like this is a very serious, somber time and I think that that's okay. I think that that's okay. What was managing your appearances and all of your travel like.
Raeanna Johnson:What was managing your appearances and all of your travel like?
Kalyn Melham:Oh, my goodness, I love Indiana for this, because we have an event manager named Marietta Height. She is I don't want to get it wrong, but she is somewhere between I want to say 75, 85 years old Sweetest lady ever. I love her, she is. So whenever someone books Miss Indiana through the website, she is the one who coordinates it and she gives us the address, the time, the place, everything that we need to know, and then we take that information and pack up and show up when we're needed. And Marietta is a doll.
Kalyn Melham:She lives in Northern Indiana, so whenever we'd have events up there, she would let us stay with her. And I will never forget staying at her house one night and she was like okay, well, I am not the hostess with the mostest, so if you are hungry, just go look in the kitchen for something. I just remember thinking for some reason that made me feel more welcome in her home. Then if someone was like you need anything, let me know. If you want me to make you something, I'll do it. Cause then I was like you're right, marietta, I'm going to go downstairs and just look for a muffin. And then I found a muffin and then I took the muffin upstairs, like I loved. I loved staying with Marietta and she has done so much for this organization. She's there all week long at state week and stays in the Butler dorms with all the girls. She is just there to support us in any way she can and she's amazing.
Raeanna Johnson:Were there any unexpected like business responsibilities that you had to learn?
Kalyn Melham:I would say something that paralleled a lot with my graduate studies, and then the role of Miss Indiana was always having a pitch, which that phrase alone, I think, sounds a little like. I don't want it to seem like elevator memorized, like I don't love that, but it's more so be able to communicate effectively and authentically on the on the spot, and I think that that's a skill that everyone should have, and it's very much business related. But again, like having a microphone handed to me is like the number one thing that I did as Miss Indiana. I would sing a lot, I would compete sometimes, I would, you know, go out in a space and have one-on-one conversations with people, but more than anything, you are handed a microphone and you have to be willing to speak effectively, and so I think that that's something that I had to learn more about, and certainly polish.
Raeanna Johnson:How did you build that skill?
Kalyn Melham:Just experience. I think that Miss Indiana Week last year which I cannot believe that this is a year ago but you prepare for the onstage question and you prepare for the interview, every phase of competition. You find different ways to prepare for that. But when you are crowned as a state title holder, you aren't preparing to compete anymore. At least I didn't. I know some girls like they're crowned and they're like okay, the next goal is Miss America. The next goal is competition for Miss America and I I very much had the dream of like living out the years Miss Indiana and I think everyone had that dream too, but I was. I put pretty much everything into that Like I just want to do this all and, yes, miss America prep. But I feel like I learned that skill by going out there and continuously doing it and learning it in an environment that was like face-to-face and really purposeful, as opposed to like continue to just prepare in a competition mindset. I think that that kind of separates the two a little bit, if that makes sense.
Raeanna Johnson:Absolutely, because experiences teach. Oh yeah, yeah, right, yeah, a hundred percent. So you was that kind of your mindset too in preparation for the Miss Indiana competition last year Was prepare by doing yes, I think it was.
Kalyn Melham:I also think it was knowing exactly who I was in every room that I would go into and every competition phase that I would compete in. I remember walking into my interview and just talking, getting to know them, not worrying so much about like, did that sound impressive? Was that good enough? Was that? And? And just talking to them, I mean I, I remember just going in there and one of the questions that the judges asked me, like they said like hey, I read your CSI and I'm still confused by it. Like, can you explain it a little more? And on the inside for a second I was like well, that's not good that they're confused by my paperwork, like that's pretty bad. But then it was like no, just just explain it more, just tell them. Like.
Kalyn Melham:Oh, I think I literally said I'm I'm sorry that it was a little bit confusing. Here's more about it. And I just clarified in about 30 seconds or 45 seconds and it was no problem and it just was like a good reminder that it's okay If things don't seem perfect or come out super polished, it's okay If the questions are super random, because you're prepared for this. They just want to get to know you. Yeah.
Raeanna Johnson:I was just talking to a client about interview today. She's very well-spoken, very articulate, very poised, professional, and I asked her are you prepared for the fluff questions? Because I think you should be, because the judges are going to see immediately that you got this handled, but they're going to want to see can she handle a curve ball? Can she handle like can she lighten up and have a little fun here? And I think your approach, like just talking to them, reminds me of like that's how you show up at appearances as Miss Indiana, reminds me of like that's how you show up at appearances as Miss Indiana. So if the judges are looking for the next Miss Indiana, shouldn't you show up and talk to them as if you were talking to people at an appearance? Absolutely.
Kalyn Melham:And I even can add to your point by saying like, yes, the first few questions in my interview were a little more like job related. Tell us more about this. And then, out of nowhere, the judge in the middle with like dagger eyes just goes what's the craziest thing you've ever done? And you're you, you, I mean it stumps you Cause. Then you're like, oh my gosh, like first of all I don't even know. And then you're like, how do I phrase this? And what's what do you? You know, cause defining crazy, you know, right.
Kalyn Melham:And um, I told a story about my childhood. Like my sister and I we were at like church camp and then we jumped in a pool with our clothes on and we thought it was so funny that we jumped in a pool at church camp with our clothes on. Like that's such a child, like eight and nine year old girls. Like we were like, oh my gosh, we're jumping in, we don't even have our bathing suit, Like again, like that was like a funny, crazy memory and I just told it in a way to kind of be like isn't that so silly? But again, like you just have to be prepared for them to say, well, what is your favorite color and it's a little awkward. If you're just like a blue, you know cause. Then it's like, well, why blue? Is there a childhood memory about blue? Like about, but like I do think it's important, like just remind yourself you're getting to know these people and it's okay If you don't feel like you're on a Ted talk or you know just uh, just show up as who you are.
Raeanna Johnson:And don't judge your interview by the questions that they asked you. Absolutely Right. Like people get to know you by how you handle yourself, not with what you talk about. So so often I think we hear this like I want them to know this, this, this and this about me by the time I leave that room and I'm like you got to show them who you are.
Raeanna Johnson:You can't tell them who you are Like because when you're at appearances and I'm sure you can vouch for this too like you're not going to show up and just give everyone the verbal resume of your life, but they're going to get a feel for who you are and they're going to see your warmth and your compassion and your character just by how you listen to them and how you genuinely interact with them, and so if judges are asking you off the wall questions, genuinely interact with them.
Raeanna Johnson:And so if judges are asking you off the wall questions, don't spin it into your CSI, don't spin it into how you're going to do the job, like answer the question, because they genuinely want to know, yes, and I agree with everything you're saying, especially the part of warmth.
Kalyn Melham:You know, are you super rehearsed? Are you robotic? Are you know? If they ask you like, you know, is your favorite color yellow? That's my favorite color, I love yellow. I have a. I have a yellow cup right here. But you know, if they ask you that, are you gonna say yellow was first defined by like it's like no, I had a blanket when I was a baby and it was yellow and I love you know? And also, like, if they do ask you, if someone over here asks you the question, include everybody, because a really good state title holder is going to include every single person in that room, even the person in the back, even the kid who is looking down. Like, you have to find a way to be inclusive and that's it's got to be genuine, you know? I think that that's that's where that warms the image. I love that word. That's where that comes in.
Raeanna Johnson:Yeah, how was preparing for Miss America different? You know we've touched on this a little bit. You know, like you knew what you were going into at Miss Indiana because you had been there before, and so we had a different mindset going in. The second time around, when you won, there was no way of really knowing what it was going to look like and feel like at Miss America. So how was the preparation different with that in mind?
Kalyn Melham:I think that I just full transparency. I think, preparing for Miss Indiana, I knew exactly what I wanted, and I think what I wanted was to leave it all out there and walk away as Miss Indiana and have that year as Miss Indiana. So then, while preparing for Miss America, I had moments where I was like, but I'm being Miss Indiana right now, you know, and I think that that again, it's okay and, in my opinion anyway, if you are fully going to the Miss America competition to just be there, I think that that's okay. I did prep for it. I practiced walking for like three hours one day. We worked on my talent. I loved the talent element at Miss America. That was like a dream come true element at Miss America. That was like a dream come true. And again, though, it was just like I walked off stage after seeing my talent and that did bring me to tears because of the immense gratitude that I felt. And so I do think that, preparing for Miss Indiana, I think I was preparing to be Kaylin as Miss Indiana, whereas Miss America I think you're preparing to be Miss America because it's Miss America, and it's okay if that rule is already kind of laid out and there's a structure or a plan or you know national sponsorships that align specifically with someone's CSI or someone's.
Kalyn Melham:The branding that you're like, I think that that's okay. The branding that you're like, I think that that's okay. And if you are changing every little thing about yourself to be a certain title, then it'd be really hard if you became that title. Do you know what I mean? And it's not in any way coming from a place of negativity.
Kalyn Melham:I do not want it to come off that way. I just want it to be known that you know all but one girl will walk away as their state title voter when they return from Miss America. And for the one girl, I'm like beyond impressed, proud, like I'm just like, oh my gosh, you're Miss America. That is like the coolest thing ever At the same time that we get to come back to our States and live out a dream that we once prepared for or prayed for and I think sometimes that can get lost in translation, and so preparing for the two can be very different and they're I mean, they're completely different competitions too, but I'm just so thankful I got to be part of of both. It's it's really, it's really cool to be able to see that.
Raeanna Johnson:What I'm loving about this conversation that I'm picking up on a lot is that you are very like that's okay and that's okay too, and there's nothing wrong with that. And if it's not that, then that's okay too. And what you're doing a beautiful job of and I don't know if I can explain this very well but like you're talking about circumstances, you're talking about ways that things are run, you're talking about choices, but you're also doing this really beautiful thing where you're like and I'm okay with like not fitting into that or not wanting that, or you know, like it's very much like all of that's okay, and it's okay if you don't like that and and I'm okay too, like over here just doing me, just being me.
Kalyn Melham:Well, I think that most girls will probably see themselves in that and think like, oh, like, I guess I didn't. Like there's a student that works at Butler and she's a sophomore right now and she's a student intern. And she was like well, I haven't done pageants in so long, so I probably wouldn't start them again. And I'm like no, I didn't do them until college. I started them when I was 18 years old and I was like you don't have to, there doesn't have to be a one, a one model. One shoe fits like you fill your own shoes. You absolutely do that. And if you're in the middle of your science, dream your theater, dream your whatever it is, you can throw a pageant in there. You can, and you can have it last for one year, you can have last for 10 years, you can do whatever you want with it. And so that is my hope, that, like, my story ended up this way, and it is okay, because more often than not, I think that's where people will see themselves, no matter what their title is.
Raeanna Johnson:I judged a national competition, the Miss Petite USA, here in Milwaukee a few years back and I judged, like the, the Mrs, ms and elite division, the older women, and I mean there were women that were grandmothers competing in their very first pageant. That's so cool, exactly. So, as you're talking about this, like just saying, like just go for it, even if it hasn't been a while, like if it's on your heart, just do it, because why not?
Kalyn Melham:Yeah, it's, and again it is. It's okay, like I, you know, miss Indiana is coming to a close, but there are so many things beginning for me and I think that sometimes we think we have to have a certain outcome or placement or feeling or bring something back home and it's like no, you're coming back home as Miss Indiana or, you know, miss Michigan, miss Illinois, whatever it is, and you did something really phenomenal, and so I just hope that local title holders feel that way getting to compete at their state competition for the first time and moving forward. I just, I really hope that that message is hey, if your goal is to literally just do it or or be there or some days is, if your goal is to get out of bed and you do, then that's also okay, like life is so. Oh, I don't, there's, that's something I don't have a word for it. Life is so be kind to one another and help the next girl online, however you can, and just remind each other, it's okay.
Raeanna Johnson:Right, I have a few clients right now that are going to state and they do not want to win, and there's a limiting belief that comes with that, because so often I've heard maybe you've heard this too like why wouldn't you want to win? You're going to be there. Like, why wouldn't you want to win? Well, a lot of reasons. And so I just want to like validate that. If you're listening right now and you're preparing and you're feeling all this pressure, because you know you feel like you're supposed to want this really bad, but like in your gut you just don't. Because you love being the local title holder, or like you were talking about Kaylin, like loved being Miss Indiana, and it's not that like you wouldn't take on the opportunity if it was given to you and run with it and be so grateful for it, but like it's okay to not want that next level.
Kalyn Melham:Yeah, I agree 100%, and I think that some people maybe don't recognize what wanting it means. Do you know what you're wanting? And if you do and you're like yes, I want all of it, it's like that's awesome, you should, you should, go for it. You're doing everything right, you know? Um, but it's okay, like. If you're like I do want it, but I don't want to say I want it, that's okay too. You don't have to say anything. It's okay. If you go in and you're like I don't, I don't know what to say, just show up. But the one foot in front of the other. It's just important that I think you don't have to arrive at some specific conclusion for every little thing in your life. You're allowed to just go with the flow, just prepare for it, prepare for the flow, have your own back, but it's okay, it's just, it is.
Raeanna Johnson:Yeah, it's okay to enjoy other things in life, and in fact you should be enjoying other things in life, not just pageants. Like, if pageants are your life, then I think you maybe need to get a life. Sorry to sound so harsh, my, my, my coach that I had worked with way back when used to say that or something very similar to that. Like yeah you know, that's so true.
Kalyn Melham:I agree, I agree with you and I think that a pageant, especially in Miss America, has so many elements that can spark an interest, like the talent aspect as a theater girl oh my gosh, like that kind of got me into it. And then growing in communication skills, the scholarship opportunities we have other things going on outside of it, and how how could you possibly be in it only for the pageant when there's so many other things it's prepared me for? Like that is advice I'd give to any girl competing is, think about why you're here and what you can truly take away from this down the road, like there's again, like there's so much more to life.
Raeanna Johnson:There is, yeah, and there's also like this big buildup to achieving your dream getting to the national stage and then it's done. How did you feel coming home from your experience at Miss America?
Kalyn Melham:Oh my goodness, I don't think I had the most reliable emotions because I get motion sick so bad it's like my war, it's the worst. So flying from Indiana to Florida, I I had, I was on Dramamine. I took Dramamine like the fly like, not like the drowsy, non-drowsy. And so when I was boarding the flight after Miss America, like after it was all over, after all these emotions, and then this Dramamine made me like really tired. I was like oh my gosh, and I was like eating. I was like eating a steak and shake burger because they're so good.
Kalyn Melham:And then I started like crying and I remember looking at my mom and I was like I think I'm really tired. I was like I'm like I need to sleep and I was like but I'm so hungry at the same time and I was like I think I'm just feeling it all, like I was like I have so much gratitude. I'm also kind of sad that it's over, like I don't know how to feel and I was like but this burger is so good and so like just you feel it all and I think, like we're, we are women, we have hormones. That's also okay to feel things that you're like. Why am I so like emotional? That's also part of life and that's also okay.
Kalyn Melham:But you know, all jokes aside, there is an element of like what just happened, like that was so crazy. Did I? Did I capitalize on every opportunity? I was there right, like you would just kind of have all these oh my goodness, it was. I mean, it was a 10 day stretch of like.
Kalyn Melham:I think before I could really realize what was happening I was already on my way back home. But I think that that proves, like my director told me he was like, that means you were living in the moment and I was already on my way back home. But I think that that proves, like my director told me he was like, that means you were living in the moment and I was like, oh okay, yeah, you're right. Like I think I was so present that it happened and then all of a sudden I was on my way back and it's because I was there full throttle and it is hard, you don't sleep a whole lot and there is hair and makeup at four in the morning and you got to keep up. But again, like it's, it's an experience and it's one experience and this beautiful run of life and I'm really glad I got to do it and I loved getting to come back home to Indiana too.
Raeanna Johnson:How did you handle motion sickness driving, or do you not get it when you're?
Kalyn Melham:driving. When I'm driving, I'm okay, Unless there's like really intense start stop traffic, I'm fine, which is so like I really want to. I really want to study that. I'm not a science girl, so maybe I want someone else to study that. But I just get so severely motion sick and it's, yeah, it's, it's not great.
Raeanna Johnson:Yeah, yeah, oh, I wanted to say when you said, um, you know about being hormonal and we're women and we have, like, all of these different feelings, um, like, why am I feeling this way, is a very common thing that I ask myself and I hear other people ask themselves, and I think it's important to remember. We don't need to know why, like we don't have to have a reason for why we're feeling what we're feeling. It's more important to figure out how you're going to manage it and take care of yourself in that moment with those big feelings.
Kalyn Melham:Yes, ma'am, I have learned new feelings over the last year and maybe it was because of the role that I've had. Like I have had different emotions that I didn't know I could feel, or different levels of exhaustion that I didn't know my body could actually reach. And take care of yourself. That is very important to take care of yourself, whether that's sleep or your diet, getting exercise, your skin. You know, like we wear makeup a lot as pageant women Give your skin like that, like let it breathe.
Raeanna Johnson:You know as pageant women give your skin like that, like let it breathe. You know, yes, exactly all the self-care call that the glam plan, and fearlessly authentic, just like all the little things drinking enough water, getting to sleep, doing some skincare that's all part of the glam plan to help you feel your best. Oh, yeah, okay, sadly we are running out of time, um, and I feel like we could talk for hours because there's just so much beautiful insight that you're bringing to the table and it's also sparking all of these like thoughts for me, like going deeper. So I just I really really appreciate your just heart and sharing that with me and with the Sash and Soul community today. So, as we wrap up, let's talk about, like, the legacy that you're leaving and what you hope for the next Miss Indiana.
Kalyn Melham:Oh man, I hope I can convey this and you know, like a good few sentences. But just as cliche as it sounds, kindness can go so far. It can literally change the world. And I know there's a competition, I know there's a wardrobe and material, and I know when you think of a pageant, I know a lot of things come to mind immediately. But when you really help that next girl in line, whether that's zipping her up in a dress or literally just giving her a smile backstage, hugging someone when they they're at a low and this goes beyond a pageant competition just being there for people, like waving at someone across the street, smile, I mean like life is so precious and people are the ultimate reason that we're here. I think it's to lean on one another and go through this together. That's why there's so many people on this planet.
Kalyn Melham:In my opinion, and I think God wants this place to be really happy. And if you have an opportunity to be a leader and in a role where people look up to you, be positive, be kind. Do not underestimate the power of of just being there for somebody. Um, I don't know. I just hope that that legacy is. It can be a year, that's unexpected, it can be messy, it can be random, it can look nothing like the year before, but again it's okay and always come back to being a really a good person and kind to the woman next to you.
Raeanna Johnson:I'm going to add onto that too, if you don't mind. Be kind to yourself. I'm going to add on to that too, if you don't mind. Be kind to yourself Like this is part of the energy that I'm feeling from you. Is like I hear the love that you put out there to other people and the grace that you give other people for their human experiences and the choices they make and how they see the world, even if it's different from you.
Raeanna Johnson:The lesson that I've learned here with you is that when we're able to be kind to ourselves and have that self-compassion, we are able to see other people for the human that they are.
Raeanna Johnson:And I say this like that competition stress is going to magnify and personify in different ways for different people and for those that might be struggling with some, you know, lack of self-confidence or comparison or stress or pressure or whatever it might be, sometimes that personification of their stress comes out as like a mean girl or saying things that are maybe off color for what they would typically do, and I think the best things that we can do for ourselves and for that person and for our experience all around is to have compassion for them and understand that it's not about us, that maybe they're having a bad day.
Raeanna Johnson:That does not by any means excuse behavior, but at least we can release that and not, you know, take that on ourselves and, like, add to our stress that that we're already experiencing as well. So I just I loved that. That was my takeaway from this conversation with you and that aha for me of like I have noticed the more that I've been able to be self-accepting and kind to myself, the more compassion I'm able to extend to other people and see them for the beautiful human that they are in all of their experiences and existence. So thank you for that.
Raeanna Johnson:No, thank you, oh my goodness, thank you so much for your time tonight. It was a pleasure, good, I'm so glad. Congratulations to you on experiencing a dream year and achieving your goal and getting engaged and going on to like more amazing things in your life, because you are a living example that, like you said earlier on, like the like, you can be part of this world for a time and then you can leave this world and go do other things and live your life in so many different beautiful ways, and you're doing that, and so just that's so awesome. Congratulations. Thank you so so much. Yeah, absolutely All right.
Raeanna Johnson:And as for the rest of you, I have to go take care of a client who texted me as we were recording. I was like do you have time for a mindset call? She's at competition this week. And I'm like, heck, yeah, let's do it. So I'm going to hop off and call her. I will be back again next week with more for you on Sash and Soul. Until then, take care of yourselves, be kind to yourself and others, as Kalem said, and we'll talk to you later. Bye.
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