Sash & Soul
Welcome to the "Fearlessly Authentic: Sash & Soul Podcast," the show that goes beyond the stage to prioritize mindset, wellbeing, and triumphs in the pageant journey. Each episode explores the power of embracing authenticity, sharing mindset tips, self-care strategies, and inspiring success stories to help you navigate the pageant world with confidence and resilience.
Sash & Soul
#56 Turning the Page: Lessons for a New Season of Competition
This episode is a real, unfiltered look at resilience and authenticity... the kind that's forged through life's hardest seasons. In the past year, I've walked through grief, pregnancy loss, medical emergencies, and stepping into the role of caregiver after my dad's stroke. Those moments completely shifted my perspective, not just on pageantry, but on life as a whole.
Stepping back forced me to ask myself why this work matters and what makes it meaningful. And through hundreds of conversations with contestants who are navigating their own storms, I kept hearing the same themes come up, themes I want to unpack with you as we head into this competition season.
We'll talk about how setbacks can actually become your strongest assets when you know how to frame them, why competition fatigue and the infamous "first runner-up club" can mess with your mindset, and how freeing it is to define success on your own terms instead of chasing crowns out of obligation.
One of the biggest shifts? Treating competition like a celebration instead of a test. When you walk into pageant week ready to celebrate your growth, your journey, and the sisterhood around you, you show up from a place of joy - not fear. And that joy doesn’t just feel better, it changes the way you perform.
So many women I coach are hesitant to name what they really want, lowering the bar to avoid disappointment. But I'll never forget a coach once telling me: "Don't set the bar for what you think you can accomplish. Set it for everything you'd ever want to accomplish." Owning your deepest ambitions creates space for you to surprise yourself.
As Miss America week unfolds, these reminders feel more important than ever. Whether you're competing this season or navigating challenges in your own life, know this: your worth has nothing to do with results. Let your nerves come along for the ride, but they don’t get to take the wheel.
I'd love to hear what resonates with you. Come connect with me on Instagram @SashandSoul and tell me what themes you'd like to dive deeper into on future episodes.
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Socials: @sashandsoul | @fearlesslyauthenticcoach | @raeannajohnson
Websites: www.fearlesslyauthentic.com | www.sashandsoul.com
Email: info@fearlesslyauthenticcoach.com
If you’re looking for more than just surface-level prep and you’re ready to prepare with strategy, support, and confidence that actually lasts, I’d love to be part of your process.
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Hey you guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul. I am so happy to be back with you after taking a bit of a break this summer. I'm hoping that you are well and that you have also taken the time to regroup, reground over the summer and right now it just kind of feels like a fresh start. I don't know about you, but like when school's back in session, it just kind of feels like all right, heading into a brand new season. I feel that way about spring as well. I feel that way about New Year's. So I kind of like to take some time to just reflect on what's happened where I'm at and take the time to I don't know make sure that I'm good, right?
Raeanna:So last year I went through a whirlwind of stuff, so I lost well, my family lost my baby niece at just two days old in October, rather in August and then my husband and I went on our one-year anniversary trip to Italy, which was amazing and beautiful and full of sadness, because I literally left two days after I lost my niece. And then we got back and I found out I was pregnant and so, of course, overjoyed with that, mixed with a lot of differing feelings of fear and the unknown. And then I started having some complications early on in my pregnancy and unfortunately miscarried in the end of October, which followed, of course, a lot more grieving and struggling with where to go from here and waiting for my body to heal and recover from that experience. And then in January I had a life-threatening experience where I started bleeding and it wouldn't stop. And so by the end of the weekend it started on a Friday night and I was in the emergency on Saturday night they sent me home and then by Sunday morning it was nonstop and I went back to the emergency room with my husband and ended up in the ICU with an emergency surgery to get it to stop. So just absolute chaos. And that happened to be the finals of Miss America. So no, I didn't watch Miss America last year and I still haven't gone back to watch it yet because I was in the throes of recovery after that and just trying to keep up with my clients and life and my mental health and all that stuff. So all that happened in January.
Raeanna:And then in May as you know, if you've been listening and following along my dad had a stroke and I became a primary caregiver. I became his medical power of attorney, I was living in his hospital room for two weeks and then living in a hotel right next to the hospital for a couple of weeks after that, during that time, trying to stay on top of taking care of my clients who were competing for their state competitions and managing to maintain my Sash and Soul podcast episodes with our guests through the Crowned and Candid series, and so it was just like a whole mess of stuff. So, as you could imagine, by the time state MAO season was over, I needed a break, I needed to calm my nervous system, I needed to heal, I needed to focus on my own rest and self-care and recovery and, as I said earlier, just really getting regrounded. So throughout the summer, I have been spending some time for myself, reassessing my why, why I do this, why I show up for you guys, why I show up for my clients, how it inspires and empowers me to do this work, how I've grown through this and how I want to continue growing and building.
Raeanna:I've been planning for this next season of how I want to approach my coaching calls, my programming, the content that I want to be pouring into this for all of you, what would be most beneficial for you and honestly just taking time to just be me, because, let's face it, I spent a lot of time this last year taking care of other people and healing from grief, and it was just one of the most chaotic and roller coaster esque years of my life, and that's saying something, because I've been through some stuff. But it's the stuff that I've been through that builds me and that makes me the person that I am, the coach, that I am, the woman, that I am the wife that I am. All these things and that's a lot of what I want to talk about today with you actually, is like what I have taken away from this past season of my life and all of the coaching calls that I've had throughout the summer and the themes that have come about from all calls, from just consultations to pageant competition debriefs to actual coaching calls and so I have a whole list of themes that I want to share with you today, and I'm excited to do that because I really want to hear from you what's standing out to you, what is resonating with you based off of your experiences in the past year, and where you want to go in this next season, this next chapter. And I think it's perfect timing because Miss America is this weekend. So I've been, you know, following along with what's going on in Florida and checking in on my clients, making sure they're good and it sounds like things are fantastic. So we're going to be heading into a weekend of Miss America's teen finals and Miss America finals, and so I'm really really excited for that. So I think this is really good timing to just regroup and talk about some of these major themes that I've been seeing and things that maybe you can take with you as you move into your competition season this year as well.
Raeanna:So, again, these are some of the themes, not even all of them. I was paging through my notes from my client calls and just kind of pulling out my favorite ones and the ones that really stuck with me. So I have a lot more than this to come in future episodes and we'll dive in deeper into some of these themes in future episodes. But these were some of my favorite themes that came up from, like I said, competition debriefs, which is where I sit down with my clients after they've competed to talk about what went well, what do you wanna improve on, and just really have an opportunity to sit back and reflect, because that can be a really powerful tool for closure and for growth moving forward. These are also from consults that I've done throughout the summer and, of course, coaching calls.
Raeanna:So the first one was a quote that I wrote down during a coaching call, during a debrief rather, it was during a debrief and it says don't live vicariously through me by telling me what my dreams should be, through me by telling me what my dreams should be, and I found that to be so inspiring. It was a client that said this to me and it was coming from a space of her talking about how her support system tends to have ideas of what she should or shouldn't do, or just the struggle during competition week of the feedback she was getting like you need to shine more on stage and it doesn't look like you're having as much fun as you could be. And from her perspective, she's like I was having a great time and I felt calm and I felt like I was pouring everything into that, but it seemed like it was missing the mark according to other people, and the conclusion that we kind of came to from this was other people may be feeling some sort of way and projecting that onto you when maybe what you need is reinforcement. They are giving you feedback to behave differently because maybe they're feeling some sort of way about it. So with that, I just want to touch on a couple of points that are important. First of all, if you've never heard this, take this to heart.
Raeanna:Not everyone wants to win. I think there is a misconception actually, I know there's a misconception commonly that if you're competing for a pageant, people assume that you're in it to win it. And why wouldn't you want to win? I hear this from girls that are on their way to Miss America, girls that are on their way to state competitions, even local competitions, where they're like I don't really know that I want to win. I've got this going on in my life. I've got that going on. This is the space I'm in emotionally. I want to go and have a good time, but I just don't know if I'm up for the long-term commitment that is an entire year of this, or I've never had the dream of becoming Miss America. I've always wanted to be the state title and I never wanted to go on and be a national title holder.
Raeanna:All of those are valid thoughts and experiences and desires or choices to not take that next step. They're valid, and I have sat through calls with women that felt judged by others and were judging themselves, quite frankly for not wanting what other people think that they should want. So that just brings it back to other people projecting and living vicariously through you, whether they have aged out a long time ago or they never competed in their life and they think it's the coolest thing ever. They just are new to this and would just think that it's the coolest thing and all of it is glamorous. When those of us that have been competing for a while have held titles, we know it's a lot of hard work and we're not always up for it in this season of our lives. Or we just got an awesome job that we want to focus on, or we just got into a really incredible graduate program and that's where we need to spend our time and energy. All these things are valid. So if you've never heard it before, hear it now. It's okay. If you don't want to win, it's okay. Own that, be confident in that and don't let other people live vicariously through you. We all have different goals. Own yours and let other people own theirs without judgment.
Raeanna:The next is just in general themes of ongoing challenges, challenges like competition fatigue If you find yourself competing for local after local, after local after local and not winning and you are spending an entire season of this. And this is a very common theme because the goal in Miss America, in Miss Volunteer America if there are states with local competitions for that and various different pageants and county fair pageants, a lot of different seasons that have like the precursor to getting to the next level by winning a local competition or a preliminary competition to get there, and you just keep competing, competing, competing, competing, and you know that you're growing but yet we keep just hitting this walls of no, of not winning, not titling, so that you have to keep pushing through for the entire season. I mean I'm hearing of girls doing like five local competitions in a year. Eight local competitions in a year. It's a lot.
Raeanna:So competition fatigue is a common challenge that I've been hearing from women in especially consultations, because they're coming to me with like I'm feeling a little beaten down. I know I'm struggling with comparison because I go into a competition and there's a woman that's competing that was top five at such and such competition and I just feel like I'm not going to win because she's already had so much success. So we see comparison, we see self-doubt of you know, what am I not doing enough? What do I need to do more of? And all of these things are going to culminate in more of a desperation energy when you're competing, rather than an energy of joy and of humble confidence, which is what we want.
Raeanna:Going into local competitions, into state competitions, into any competition, pageants are supposed to be fun, and if you're feeling beaten down by it because you keep competing and not winning, or keep competing and not achieving your goals, then that's going to majorly affect your mindset. And so if you are finding yourself in a situation where you're going into another year of competitions and last year it took you multiple competitions to win, or multiple competitions and you never made your goal of getting to state it's time to take a step back and figure out okay, I've been pushing in this area, in this area, in this area, maybe I need to be prioritizing something else, and I would strongly suggest that you talk to somebody with an outside perspective to help you kind of navigate. That. That's where a consultation call with me might be helpful, or sitting down with someone that you trust. That isn't going to do the comparison game with you or over-criticize you or give you too much feedback for what you should be doing or shouldn't be doing. All of these things are going to all like you're already struggling with some self-confidence in this space. We don't need more criticism or more feedback at this point. We need a plan. We need to set some goals, moving forward, goals of upliftment of self-empowerment, of confidence boosting. That's what you need in that space.
Raeanna:Same goes if you are in the first runner-up club or any runner-up club. That is something that I've been hearing a lot I'm sure you've been seeing it too of the girls that get so close but still aren't winning, and that's going to come with a whole new set of mindset glitches of you. Know what is it about me that just isn't good enough? My performance was great, my interview was great. Maybe I even won overall interview. So what is it that's missing? And this is where we have to remember you guys pageants are a crapshoot.
Raeanna:It is essentially like a personality contest. At the end of the day, you could all have the same level of skills great talents, great interview, great paperwork, great initiatives, great walking, great wardrobe, great hair and makeup all these things you're checking off the boxes, but at the end of the day, it's judges with their own perspectives, their own personalities, their own values, their own ideas of what they see as qualifiable for becoming an exceptional title holder. Different day, different pageant, different outcome because the judges are all going to be different people and that's something that's really hard to really lean into and believe for yourself. It's not the most comforting thing. It's just the truth, and the truth isn't always comforting.
Raeanna:But if you're finding yourself in the first runner-up club and you're struggling yet again with some of these mindset glitches that we've been talking about, this might be an opportunity for you to sit back and be like where's my mindset at? Because the honest truth of it is mindset is 80% of your success and if your mindset is glitching, then you're not showing up 100% authentically as you, because you're a little bit stuck and caught up in, you know, overcorrecting some of these things that your mindset is telling you or that your thoughts are telling you you need to be doing or that you're not doing good enough. So Maybe consider some mindset support if you're finding yourself in that first runner-up club and honestly getting burnt out by it because that is so real. And then, of course, another ongoing challenge is the last chances challenge. Like this is my last year, I'm aging out, and with that last chance challenge comes some desperation, and that desperation energy is going to be associated with more mindset glitches, the glitches of am I working hard enough? What the what ifs, all of the what ifs, the comparison, even like the more like oh I hate to put this word on it, it's kind of too negative for what I mean but kind of the self-righteous comparison of what makes me better than them that I should win. Those are very real thoughts that we all have because we're human. So the last chances or aging out challenge is a big one because that desperation energy fuels mindset glitches like crazy. So with the last chances challenge, I would suggest staying so focused on your big picture, so focused on your why, and do a lot of extra work with building self-confidence, building resilience and loving yourself, appreciating yourself for exactly who you are, no matter what the outcome is of the competition, no matter what somebody else says or thinks about you. If you can be so grounded and rooted in exactly who you are and have so much appreciation and gratitude for who you are, then you will have a shield that will help protect you from the fear of not achieving this goal, because the fear of not achieving this goal, because the fear of not achieving the goal, usually is tied to your own sense of self-worth, and we need to detach that. Who you are, your worth, your value, is not in any way affiliated with the outcome of a pageant competition period.
Raeanna:The next theme is one that I love because it hits home for me, and that is where you start doesn't define where you finish, and this has everything to do with how our setbacks have influenced our limiting beliefs and our confidence in ourselves. Limiting beliefs in pageantry oftentimes are stemming from I don't have enough money, I don't have the support system, I don't have the wardrobe, I didn't grow up in a super stable home, in a super stable home, things, that it's all. It's also stemming from comparison, because we see from our outside perspective, not really knowing the truth behind somebody else's life, that you know someone else has you know the momager and the funds to support her couture wardrobe and she's got sponsors galore and for some reason that makes us feel like she has a leg up. Now in some ways she may have a leg up, but we do not know what she struggles with internally. We do not know if maybe the momager is actually overbearing behind closed doors and that's actually causing a lot of internal pressure that she's not showing and that's actually causing a lot of internal pressure that she's not showing. So we all have our challenges.
Raeanna:We have to stay in our own lanes, stop looking at other people and envying what we think they have, because we have no idea what they don't have, and we have to start looking at all the things that we have, including flipping the script on our limiting beliefs that are based on our circumstances. We have things in our heads that we consider to be setbacks, but what happens if we flip the script and ask ourselves but how does that empower me? How does that setback make me a stronger person? How has that circumstance in which I grew up allowed me to be more compassionate towards other people? That's something that I've had to sit with in quiet spaces for the past year of. How has pregnancy loss allowed me to be more compassionate? How has my experience of literally almost bleeding out in the hospital allowed me to gain perspective on other people's medical emergencies or even the experiences that women have in the ER with doctors that don't get it and people that say things that are widely inappropriate and unhelpful and often harmful, like these major circumstances in my life.
Raeanna:I could easily sit there and feel like woe is me, and I do. I have those moments, oh my gosh, like don't think that I don't have. The woe is me, pity party moments I do. I'm human, but more than anything, I'm looking at this as an opportunity to grow, because empowering myself feels a heck of a lot better than nose diving into the yuck of how horrible my circumstances are and just feeling sorry for myself. I can't get anything done that way and I can't influence other people in that space, and so I have to work through empowering myself. And the same thing goes for you with any setbacks that you've had in your life. How do those setbacks support your end game rather than detract from your ability to get things done to show up to win that title despite these circumstances? So think about things like, if you don't have the financial support and you've had to hustle to get sponsors to work a couple of extra jobs, that was me. I didn't have any financial support from my family. I was strategic. I was fortunate that I had local titles that had sponsors that had a wardrobe for me to choose from for appearances, so that I didn't have to go out and buy a whole bunch of stuff I borrowed. I worked with sponsors and showed them my gratitude and appreciation so that they would continue supporting women after me.
Raeanna:I was working two or three jobs in college, going to school full-time, paying my own rent, paying for my car, car insurance, cell phone, my tuition all of this while also going after my dreams. And there were absolutely moments not even moments, days, weeks, like times that I sat there and felt like I'd never be able to succeed in this because other people don't have it this hard. What a sad state of mind to be in. What a state of mind to be in. What a disempowering, crappy place to be in your mind. Because now I look back and I'm like I did that. I worked multiple jobs and I put myself through school and I paid my own rent and my car insurance and my cell phone. I did that. I built beautiful relationships and was truly humbled by the support that surrounded me, and I took that support and I poured it back into the community and I do that now as a coach.
Raeanna:Paying it forward is so empowering to take that and look back at what you didn't have but what you created out of nothing. That's a strength, that is grit, that is resilience, that is a skill that you can bring as a title holder, that is a message that you can bring as a role model that those out there that have been handed their stuff may not be able to do, at least not in the same way that you can. I'm not saying that people that have had the financial support and the backing and all of this wonderful resources aren't appreciative and aren't able to also show up in this same way. But it's just different when you've had to build it with your own two hands. So let's flip the script and remember that where you start does not define where you finish.
Raeanna:Next, speaking of finishing, it's never done. Let's remember that. Shall we? Our goals may end because we age out or circumstances happen that we are no longer able to compete for that goal and we have to say goodbye to it and there's a grieving process with that. But let's remember that pageants are not our life, and the reason I'm bringing that up is one of the themes has been that Miss America increased the age limit.
Raeanna:So to this I say because I have a few clients that had aged out and now they haven't, or we're going to age out this next year, but now they have two years. I say chase your dream, but not in sacrifice of your future. When I was competing, the age limit was 24. I just graduated college. It took me a little bit longer because of all the reasons I just said before and also I didn't know what I wanted to do for my degree. So I took my time. But I was done competing at age 24, gave up my title of Miss Wisconsin at 25, and then I went into my career.
Raeanna:But now, with the age limit being 28, it gives amazing opportunity for women to earn more scholarships, to have more chances to win the state title, to go to Miss America, america, but it also may impede your ability to focus 100% on your career, on your future endeavors outside of pageantry. So to this I say find balance. Find balance and remember where your priorities are. Also, remember that the work that you do outside of pageants whether you're working a full-time job or you're going to school full-time or you've got I don't know, maybe you're traveling or something the experiences that you have outside of pageants elevate your presence in competition, elevate who you are, which will ultimately elevate who you are as a title holder. And if you show up elevated, like that woman that you would be as a title holder, then you are going to perform better at competition. You're going to see better results because you will be able to more deeply express who you are, what you're about and what you bring to the table, to those judges and on stage.
Raeanna:So remember, pageants are not your life. They can excel you, they can build you, you can grow, you can build connections, you can network. I mean a lot of us get our first full-time career job because of the connections that we've made in pageantry and because of our interview skills. Like, I'm not going to say that it doesn't support you in those ways, but don't let it hold you back from going after those dreams that maybe you're putting off because you want to focus your time and energy on this goal of winning. Miss XYZ, maybe shift, you know. Find a point in your life. Maybe mid-20s is a good time for you to start shifting and being, you know, assessing. Am I prioritizing my future over pageants? Are pageants aiding my future, not being the sole focus of my future right now, because I will tell you from experience that there is a weird, weird letdown from when you're finally officially done competing and then you go into the rest of your life and you're like what's next? Maybe not for everyone, but that was my experience. So make sure that you are finding balance and setting your priorities in a way that will support you long term.
Raeanna:You will often hear me talk about the big picture, and frequently we're talking about it in terms of what's your big picture, of what you want to do. As the title holder, what does your year look like? Well, I'm starting to expand that to no, no, no. What is your big picture for your life? Expand that to no, no, no. What is your big picture for your life and how are you utilizing pageantry to build up to that big picture experience that you want to have someday far in the future and that may seem really overwhelming, but just remember that there's no end to what you can dream and there's no shame or anything wrong with changing your mind and switching paths. I did it multiple times. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be talking to you right now. So take with that what you will have a few more here, and I have no idea how long I've been talking. To be honest, I'm just going off.
Raeanna:You have more value, more skills, more qualities than you consciously realize. Subconsciously, like your soul, your inner self, the core of who you are, knows how awesome you are, knows how worthy you are. We don't always consciously realize it, and I find this when I'm sitting down with clients and we're talking about what are your inner qualities, or when I'm asking practice interview questions about you know, give me an example of a time that you were a leader, and our mind goes blank because we're like, oh my gosh, I don't know that. I can think of a specific example of a time that I was a leader. I've never been a supervisor, I've never held like a political leadership role, or I've never been, you know, like an executive in a sorority or I don't know how that. I've never been in a sorority. So don't come at me because I really don't know how it works. But anyway, you get what I'm saying. Can't think of any specific examples for a leadership experience that you've had.
Raeanna:But to this I will say you need to get creative, girl. You need to pan out your perspective on what makes you prepared for the job. You need to take a step back and look at all the experiences that you've had in your life and how those experiences have shaped you, have helped you develop skills, have built value in what you bring to the table. You got to get creative because our subconscious mind knows even when our conscious mind is not fully aware of our awesomeness. So lean into the experiences that you've had to really hone in on and culminate a list of your value, your skills, your qualities that you bring to the table. The better you know yourself flaws and all the more authentically you will show up in every situation, especially interview.
Raeanna:Next, I have heard of a lot of you that have been popping around and switching from Miss America to Miss Volunteer America, to Miss USA, to various other programs. Those are the three that typically come to mind for me. You're switching systems. Maybe you're even switching states. Maybe you're thinking about changing your initiative and you're having some self-doubt about any of these things. To that I will say girl, do it, switch it up, change it, follow your gut, follow your intuition. Do it for the sake of your own experience, to build on what you've already gained.
Raeanna:If you've burnt out and you feel like you've gotten everything you can out of the system that you've been competing in and you need a challenge. Do it, move into a different system, challenge yourself. The only way that we will really grow exponentially is through challenging ourselves, through switching it up, through pushing ourselves into brand new territory. That is how we will grow. So if you are thinking about switching systems, I highly recommend it, especially if you're thinking about it for all the right reasons, not because you're chasing a crown. So that's my caveat to that. If you are thinking of switching states because you have heard really good things about the organization in this other state that you are also qualifying for, or maybe it's because of school or that's where you want to be long term. Whatever it is, I'm not judging any of your reasons. Switch, do it, try something new. Again, caveat is don't do it just because you're chasing a title.
Raeanna:And finally, the angst behind changing a platform. I think I did an entire episode on initiatives and switching it up and where to start. So check back on that, because I give my whole story of how I started my initial platform of drug use prevention and awareness, and it was all in honor of my brother, tyler, who ended his life and was addicted to methamphetamine, and I did that for a couple of years and burnt out and I needed something to refresh, and so I switched my platform to Empowering Women Mind, body and Soul complete opposite of what I had been doing, but it was everything I needed to elevate my sense of self, to rebuild my confidence, to get healthy again. And then, when I came back to compete my very last year, after having some time off from talking about my brother, I decided to go back all in on that, because if I had the opportunity to bring any platform to the national stage, it was going to be that one. It was going to be my brother's legacy, it was going to be how addiction and suicide has impacted my family and my mental health and grief, so that my vulnerability has the potential to change lives at a national level. And I do not regret that decision at all. Was it hard? Absolutely, but it was the best decision that I could have made for me.
Raeanna:So if you're thinking about changing your initiatives because your interests have changed, do it. You don't win with what you do. You win with who you are. So make sure that you are just following the right path of who you are, who you want to be. Let's see. Wait, where do I want to go next? I have a few that I jotted down, but I knew that I wanted to do it in a certain order. Oh, I'm going to do this one next If you're competing soon for the first time ever, you guys, I had like an 11 year old client, my youngest client that I've ever worked with, and she was adorable.
Raeanna:Oh my gosh, I still think about her frequently because she just like every time I got off the call with her, I just felt rejuvenated. So what we came up with together is about your nerves. So just like anxiety before competition and how like your nerves can just feel really overwhelming and almost paralyzing. And so we decided that it's important to remember your nerves are welcome to the party, but they are not allowed to ruin it, and by this I mean emotions are really not the enemy. Emotions serve a purpose. So we have to try and get comfortable with the fluctuations of our emotions and avoid judging ourselves for it.
Raeanna:Get into a space where you can almost anticipate that you're going to be nervous, because think about it have you ever gone into an interview without being nervous? Have you ever gone out to perform on stage without being nervous, even if you were doing a warm up interview as the outgoing title holder or even if you were doing just a performance on stage as a visiting title holder. The nerves are part of it because it's our adrenaline coursing through us, and so I think it's impossible to say I don't want to be nervous before interview. I think it's more feasible and healthy to say I anticipate that I'm going to be nervous before interview. I think it's more feasible and healthy to say I anticipate that I'm going to be nervous but it's not going to ruin me. I know I'm going to be nervous, it's going to be welcome at the table, but I'm not going to let it overpower the conversation. The nerves are not controlling me, I am controlling myself. So they're welcome to the party, but they're not allowed to ruin it.
Raeanna:That is actually one of my favorite themes and takeaways from coaching over the summer Next competition day and week. So recently, when I was working with one of my clients that's currently at Miss America this week, we were talking about how we wanted to approach mindset for approaching Miss America this week, and I remember when I was going to Miss America and I was really fixated on the competition. I was glitching all over the place. My mindset was not it at that time. I just wasn't healthy, my mental health wasn't great and I was burning myself out that summer before I went to Atlantic City to compete.
Raeanna:And what I wish I would have done was looked at it as a celebration, as a culmination of years of dreaming and working and crying and fighting for this goal to get to this national stage. And I wish that I would have just been there to celebrate everything that I had done. And so this particular theme, I think, is important because we often get into again if we go back to competition, fatigue or last chances or the first runner up club. If we were to look at the day of competition or the week of competition as a celebration, celebrating ourselves, celebrating the people that are supporting us, celebrating our setbacks and how we've grown through it, celebrating the other women that we're competing with, celebrating the organization, what it's done for women for decades, whatever organization it is that you're competing in, they are all valuable. If we can go in with a celebration mindset, then everything we're doing is out of joy rather than out of desperation or fear Fear of not winning, fear of failing, fear of what other people think of us comparing ourselves to others, which equates to fear of not being enough or doing enough. If we can go in instead with that lighthearted, here I am, the work is done and now I just get to celebrate everything that I've poured in. Imagine how different your experience is going to be. And if your experience is different, imagine how different the outcome will be, even if you don't win. If you have celebrated that entire week, you will leave feeling satisfied with everything that you poured into it, because what you poured in was joy, and I think that is one of the most beautiful ways to approach competition. And finally, all of this being said, my biggest, biggest encouragement for you is to not be afraid to say what you really want.
Raeanna:I sit down every week with new women sitting through consultations, talking about who they are, what their goals are, what their setbacks have been, what their mindset glitches are, what they want to work on and why this is important to them. And one of the questions I ask is what is your goal? What is your competition goal? What is your ultimate goal? And oftentimes I hear I want to feel good, I want to place higher than I did last year, or well, I'm really new, so I really just want to experience it.
Raeanna:Last year I had a lot of fun and this year I just like I want to do better than I did last year, but I don't, I don't know if I can win, so so that's what I'm looking to do and I always, always because I need clarity as a coach. I need, I need true clarity of exactly what it is that you want. So I will push a little bit not push push is a harsh word but I will encourage you to really dig deep and say out loud do you want to win, even if it's not this year, even if it's just someday? Like, ultimately, do you want to go to that national competition? Do you want to go to that international competition? Do you want the ultimate prize, the top prize? Is that what you want in your heart, even if it's not something that you want right now? Is that something you want someday? Say it out loud. I mean, this isn't something you need to go to the mountaintop and shout from the mountaintop Like.
Raeanna:Say it out loud to someone that you trust. Say it out loud to yourself. Be very clear about what it is. Do not sell yourself short. Do not set a low bar for yourself. The higher you set that bar, the more you will achieve, even if you don't reach that bar. Think about that. That was one of the best things I ever heard from a coach once was don't set the bar for what you think you can accomplish. Set the bar for everything you would ever want to accomplish, because then you'll gain what you think you can accomplish. Set the bar for everything you would ever want to accomplish, because then you'll gain what you thought you could accomplish and more. And that was one of the most powerful insights that I take with me every single day and things that I have to challenge myself on as well, because I am also guilty of setting the bar to the place that I feel comfortable rather than pushing myself to reach even further.
Raeanna:So this fear of saying what you really want and then going for it 100%, because the next question I ask is okay, scale of one to 10, how bad do you want to reach that goal? And oftentimes I'll get, oh, like an eight or a nine. Okay, why? Why only an eight or a nine? Well, because I just I don't know if I have the resources to reach my goal, or you know, I don't know that it's really possible for me. There's all these other girls that have been doing this for such a long time and they've really, like, earned their way here, and to that I say, okay, who cares? How badly do you want to reach the goal? That was my question. Not on a scale of one to 10, how much do you want to reach the goal? That was my question. Not on a scale of one to 10, how much do you think this could happen for you? It's, how bad do you want it? Because that's what matters. It's an arbitrary thing to think of whether or not it could happen for you, but what's real is knowing how bad you want it, and that's going to be a driving factor for you. So with that I'm going to wrap up this whole spiel of everything that I've taken away Not even everything, it's just a portion of what I've taken away from my coaching calls over the summer from last year and my experiences.
Raeanna:Ultimately, you guys do the work to get grounded. Do the work to know exactly why you're doing this. Do the work to set your priorities. Do the work to get grounded. Do the work to know exactly why you're doing this. Do the work to set your priorities, do the work to take care of you when you are well, when you are thinking the thoughts that best serve you. Your outcomes will reflect that. So don't get caught up in the mindset glitches that overpower you. Mindset glitches are normal, they're natural, they're real. But use the skills, or learn the skills and gain the tools that you need to overcome those so that you can empower yourself to reach further and to achieve bigger, and to honestly just do it in joy, because that's what being fearlessly authentic is all about.
Raeanna:So, with that, thanks for tuning in, thanks for having grace for me as I took a break this summer to heal and reconnect with who I am and get grounded in my why. Thank you for creating a safe space for me to talk about very openly the issues that I had this last year with my health, for being there this last spring when my dad was going through his stroke. He is on the path to recovery. By the way, I didn't mention that he's doing much better. His speech is improving every single week, and so we're just navigating it kind of one day at a time, and so am I. So here's to having a really incredible healthy season, navigating setbacks and triumphs with humble confidence and grace.
Raeanna:And and good luck to everyone competing this weekend and to all of those that are competing at Miss America's Teen and Miss America this weekend in Florida. I'm really excited to see who who's gonna come out with that title and represent these organizations for the next year, and really looking forward to to talking with with my clients about their experiences too, and hearing some of your feedback as well about what you thought of the competition this year. So with that I will be back next week, topic to be determined. So if there's something that stood out to you today that you really want to hear more about, please, please, please, reach out and let me know. Shoot me a DM at Sash and Soul on Instagram. I really want to hear, you know what you want to hear from me, because this is about you, this is about empowering you and pouring my love and light and insights into you for your benefit. So until next time, stay well, my friends. I'll talk to you then. Bye.
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