#57 More Than Politics: Human Dignity, Pageantry, and Perspective

This episode takes you on a journey through the sharp contrast between joy and heartbreak. It started with me celebrating my anniversary on a blissful spa weekend, only to return home and be met with the heated online debates following Miss America; and then, just days later, national tragedies that shook us all.

Having been on the pageant stage myself, I know how much vulnerability it takes to stand there and invite judgment. Watching the backlash toward our new Miss America led me to think about comparison, not as something that tears us down, but as something we can use to grow. When we compare only to rank ourselves as "better" or "worse," we lose. But when we notice what inspires us, what challenges us, and what makes each person unique, comparison can actually refine us.

Pageantry has always been a reminder of just how subjective life can be. Judges bring their own experiences and perspectives to every score, which is why results can vary so much from one stage to the next. That’s also life: different people will always see you differently. What matters most is showing up as your authentic self - not twisting yourself into what you think someone else wants.

Then, as tragedy struck nationally, I wrestled with the way human suffering became politicized so quickly. In therapy, I was reminded of something powerful: politics and human dignity are not the same thing. We can disagree on policy, but the value of human life should never be up for debate.

In the face of so much heaviness, I share some practices that have kept me grounded: honoring my own trauma, validating my fears, practicing self-care, seeking out what is good, and fiercely protecting my peace. Sometimes it's as simple as putting down my phone, looking up at the sunlight through the trees, and reminding myself that right here, right now, I'm okay.

So, I'll leave you with this: how do you find peace when the world feels overwhelming? And what helps you protect your mental health while staying present and engaged?

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Chapters

• 0:56 Spa Weekend Reflections
• 3:28 Miss America and Online Negativity
• 9:07 The Comparison Mindset
• 14:28 National Tragedies and Polarization
• 22:43 Finding Humanity Beyond Politics
• 32:56 Protecting Your Peace

Transcript

Raeanna: 0:28

Hello, welcome back to Sash and Soul. I'm so glad to have you here with me this week. It's been a weird one, right. Like there's been a lot going on this week and if you're anything like me, you're feeling the weight of it. It's just been, oh, it's been a lot. So for me, we rewind.

Raeanna: 0:50

Last weekend was a glorious weekend. I went to the spa with my husband for two nights. We were celebrating our two-year wedding anniversary and it was glorious. We had pedicures, we had massages. I had my first ever professional facial. That was lovely. So I finally understand what the hype is all about.

Raeanna: 1:13

But the whole experience was just beautiful. It was like good food, good drinks, great company and just like this daily bath ritual as part of the spa experience and hot tubs and saunas and swim up bars and, oh my gosh, it was amazing. It was so, so, so good. It was everything I wanted it to be. And because I'm just kind of a high strung person and I was like holding onto a lot of stress when we got there, I think it took me until at least Sunday for me to finally be like, oh, like I'm actually relaxed now, like I am officially zen and relaxed. It felt so good. I didn't want to leave. I like wanted to bask in that calm, relaxed space for a little while longer before coming home. But, alas, we came home because we had to watch the Packer game, obviously. But more importantly, miss America finals was on on Sunday night and so of course, we had to come home for that and I did a full recap of Miss America finals on the Fearlessly Authentic Coach TikTok. So definitely check that out if you haven't seen it yet. But it's a four-part series because I decided to do my makeup while I was doing a bit of a recap and it ended up being like 25 minutes long, so I had to cut it into small chunks for you and my intention was to actually talk more about just the conversations I've had this week about Miss America and more thoughts on it for you and just coming from a coach's perspective, as a former title holder's perspective, on what value I can pour into this episode for you to take into competition season, whether that's for yourself or for your mentees or clients or whomever you're listening on behalf of or just out of general curiosity.

Raeanna: 2:59

But as the week progressed, I kind of anticipated some negative energy, negative feedback, negative commentary after Miss America and of course, I have my critiques of the show as well and I have feedback that I would have as a coach for clients on performances. But for me personally, putting that negative energy out there complaining or gossiping or whatever you want to call it it's just, it's not my, it's not my vibe, it's not my energy. It used to be. I used to be the girl that was super critical and really loved, like the gossip, and I got like I don't know a dopamine hit off of it. But as I've gotten older and really had to work through some of my own mental healthlifting and empowering and focusing on growth and character development, self-development, having compassion for people, understanding people's differences, avoiding judgment of other people and especially avoiding judgment for myself, because that's something that historically I struggle with and so I expected to see some of that.

Raeanna: 4:13

But the amount of negativity that I was seeing and poor Cassie Donegan, our new Miss America 2026, with the hate towards her of you know the way that she wore her makeup and other things it was just it always breaks my heart because if you have ever competed in pageants, you know how much time and energy, blood, sweat and tears you pour into your preparation, into your service, work, into your own self-development, into the organization that you believe in and represent and represent, and to see someone that has done all of that and now has the task, this very overwhelming task, of representing the organization at a national level and be the face of that organization, having never really had any time in the spotlight before. Like we're not talking about someone that grew up in the spotlight, grew up with you know photographers around her house because she's famous, like no, we're talking about an everyday girl just like you and me. Now all of a sudden being thrust into the spotlight and thrown into criticism which she has handled so gracefully. Like praise to Cassie for how she has handled herself when it comes to this hate and the messages that she has put out there that have been actually really inspiring for me, that I'm like taking into my skin and soaking up. She's done a really beautiful job.

Raeanna: 5:49

But like as an onlooker and someone that knows what it means to put that much time and energy and heart into it, like pulling someone down from that, no matter what your personal opinions are, like that actually just says a lot more about you than it does about the person that you are giving feedback about or criticizing, and I know that we all have our own personal opinions about who we think should or shouldn't have won. But let me tell you something that I tell my clients I don't think it's ever fair to say that someone deserved to win over someone else. I just think, as human beings, we are all beautiful and worthy and we're all deserving of wonderful, glorious things, of achieving our dreams, of putting ourselves out there and meeting our goals and having good things come to us, and so I don't think that anyone is more deserving than another person to win a crown. And so I think it's great to cheer on the people that you think like were your top runner, that was your personal favorite, but to say that they deserved it over the actual winner or deserve to be in a placement that they didn't have over somebody else, like that, I think is is not healthy or helpful type of not a healthy or helpful perspective to have, because we're all deserving and we're all worthy and everyone's pouring their heart into this. When you get to that level, like you've done the work, you're there and you just pour it all out there and at the end of the day, it's a crapshoot, and we say this all the time different day, different judges, different outcome. I think it's fascinating that we're seeing, you know, miss New York. She was first runner up and took over the crown when the one that had won stepped down. And then she gets to Miss America and I don't know what was going on in her mindset, but I can only imagine she was like I'm all in because I didn't think I was going to be here to begin with, and here I am now, and so I'm just going all in and I've got nothing to lose, and so I think that kind of energy shone through in everything that she was doing. So we can see from that example different day, different judges, different outcome. You bring a different energy into each competition that you bring. You have a different conversation with the judges. Your performance might be slightly different because you've made adjustments.

Raeanna: 8:10

The list goes on of things that change from one competition to the next. But, most importantly, if you look at the judges, the judging criteria and the judging itself, when you put an Olympic style score down of 1 to 10 or 0 to 10, that's subjective. That is based on each individual judge's personal opinion, and that personal opinion is coming from their likes and their dislikes, their preferences, their morals and values, their interests and hobbies, their professional experience, their expertise, their intellect, their understanding of what the Miss America organization is, or maybe even their lack of understanding any kind of stereotypes that might be rolling around in their head, consciously or unconsciously, like all of these things are going into them, placing a score on that piece of paper. That's why I could have a completely different score than a judge sitting next to me who might be my best friend and we know each other so well, but we may have completely different scores for the same exact thing because we have different preferences and different perspectives. It's subjective, so every single competition is going to be a little bit different.

Raeanna: 9:24

So my message throughout the entire week has been put your best out there, work on the things that you need to work on to improve. And if you're going to compare because we all do it, it's a natural human thing that we do If you're going to compare, compare for the sake of improvement, of self-improvement. Don't compare to boost yourself up and feel better because you're comparing yourself to someone and seeing them as lesser than, and don't compare for the sake of putting yourself down and feeling like you'll never get there because you don't have that talent or you don't look like that, or you don't have the financial support to have a wardrobe like that. Compare, for the sake of self-improvement. Compare to see if you like that or if you don't like that. Compare to see like am I at that level and do I need to put more energy and focus into my talent in order to get there? Energy and focus into my talent in order to get there. That's what comparison should be used for, rather than to affect your ego in some way.

Raeanna: 10:20

And it's hard. This is hard work. I'm not going to lie to you. Mindset work isn't easy. It's also not perfect, because we're human and I will die on that hill. We are human and we have imperfections and we are not always going to have the best mindset. We're not going to always have the best attitude. We're not going to have the perfect preparation all the time, because we get sick, we have hormone fluctuations, we go through breakups, we sleep poorly the night before, we have family struggles, like. There's a whole gamut of things, of reasons that would impact our mindset and impact the way that we approach a competition. Our energy, our attitude what have you? So the best thing that you can do is personal and self-development and looking at yourself strategically of what areas do I need to improve in, what areas do I want to improve in? And truly just turn it back around on yourself of like, how do I like when I'm looking at the top 11 at Miss America, what do I like and what do I not like, based off of what I need to improve, what am I idolizing and how can I improve myself? That was a couple.

Raeanna: 11:29

A conversation I had with a lot of my clients this week was okay, what did you see? What did you take away from Miss America? I'm not asking like what's the tea from your perspective, like what's the dirt from your mind on Miss America, like we're not gossiping. I'm truly asking, as you were watching, what did you learn? What did you take away? What did you think was good? What did you think could have been better? That you can implement for your own preparation?

Raeanna: 12:00

And when you start to look at it from that perspective, the experience of watching Miss America completely changes from this thing where you know we get this dopamine hit of you know being so excited and then also like just completely bashing someone's talent, like that makes us feel better or something Like we're not gonna sit over here and be like what do they call it? Armchair judges or whatever. We're not in it. We didn't put the work in, like the only thing that we can do is sit back and consider what we can do better. So all of this was going on throughout the week of seeing, you know, the commentary, the negative commentary on social media, how our new Miss America was handling herself in the midst of all of this turmoil, how people were talking about it online.

Raeanna: 12:48

I was also seeing like really beautiful messaging out there, especially from former title holders, about, like, truly, what it takes to be on that stage. And if you can't put yourself there, if you've never been there, then be careful about what you're saying. If, for some reason, you cannot say anything nice, then truly don't say anything at all, because otherwise you're just spewing vile. You're just spewing negative vibrations and negative energy into the world and it's going to hit someone. And it's going to hit someone and it's going to come back around to that person in some way, shape or form and ultimately it's not good for you. It may feel good in the moment to be engaging in that gossip or to be engaging in that negativity, because you get this like dopamine, like hit of self-entitlement or empowerment or whatever it is that feels good for a moment, but it's not going to last. It's incredibly fleeting. The thing that lasts is a strong sense of self, of knowing exactly who you are.

Raeanna: 13:45

And then all of this was going on in pageant land and I'm doing you know my TikToks and everything. And then tragedy strikes on Wednesday when you know we had the shooting at the school in Colorado. A 16-year-old boy who is a influencer in the political realm and is very well known for going onto college campuses and debating with students, and he is a conservative activist and was assassinated. And so this is happening. And then, as awful as that is, like that in and of itself is absolutely horrific. No one, no one, should ever die that way, and I can speak just from my own personal experience that I have lost a loved one to gun violence. My brother ended his life in 2005. And so gun violence and gun-related accidents and gun-related deaths that's a really personal topic for me. So no one should ever experience any kind of violence at the hands of another person. I think it's wrong, no matter who you are. And so I just want to be very, very clear about that.

Raeanna: 15:14

What was most bothersome for me, the thing that kept me up at night on Wednesday night, was the comments I was seeing throughout my whole Facebook feed on both sides. It was so disheartening. It was scary, because there were people that I know and that I love saying things that were just so out of character for them and just made me really question my relationship with them. And I hate saying that because I don't want to be the person that's like I'm just going to shut people out because of their beliefs. That's not really what it is. It's that like when you see someone put out there in a public space, on a public forum, something that's so negative or so mean, you just like kind of question their character and their values. And then, of course course you know we see just the arguments on both sides of I don't know, like it's just so hard because this isn't political. Someone dying is not political. This is not a political thing. This is a humanity thing. This is devastation.

Raeanna: 16:31

I I know loss all too well and, and I think about his wife and his two kids, I think about the boy in Colorado and his family and the families of those students and the students themselves and the teachers and everyone that was involved. I think about the students in Utah that were there. I think about the media that had to talk about it yet again, this gun violence in such a public space. I think about the people that didn't even want to see the video of the shooting and it popped up on their TikTok without even realizing what was happening and now they can't get that image out of their mind. Like we need to take a step back and stop politicizing things that are not political. No-transcript care. I don't care who you are, how evil you may be in your heart. No one deserves that.

Raeanna: 18:09

And so I was fortunate this morning because I had a therapy session this morning, thank goodness, because I was really struggling last night and my husband told me to stop doom scrolling and just the back and forth, and it wasn't even a whole lot of arguing. To be honest, it was like if someone posted something from this perspective, the whole feed in their commentary was just a vacuum of that same perspective. And then if someone said something in a different post that was completely different, their whole conversation, from what I saw, at least early on, was a vacuum of that same-sided perspective, and so we're doing this to ourselves too. You guys, we're living in a vacuum. We're putting ourselves in spaces where we're not hearing other people's perspectives. But this is what I heard this morning from my therapist and I thought it was so, so, so beautiful, because I was talking to her about not wanting to be the person that cuts people off because of politics and then also not wanting to be the person that risks my peace and my sense of self by maintaining relationships with people that make me feel unsafe and uncomfortable because of their beliefs a difference between political beliefs and human dignity.

Raeanna: 19:28

There's a difference between political beliefs and humanity issues. There's a difference between political beliefs and core values, and I thought that was such an interesting way of talking about it and discussing it, because it's true, there are politics, there are things that our political representatives that we have elected into office stand on on their platforms of. You know the way that they uphold the Constitution or the economy. Those things are political. But we have politicized humanity issues so much that now it is so deeply entrenched in our politics, in our political leadership, in our political rhetoric, and I think that's problematic, because I don't see people fighting at family functions because of politics, disagreeing with the other side, because they are Christian and they have these very, very solid Christian beliefs that are based in their religion, in biblical teachings. And then I see the other side of the aisle that have maybe they're also Christian beliefs, but they're conflicting Christian beliefs, or maybe they just have morals from a different space and a different understanding of life experience. And we're butting heads over, you know, whether or not someone is a good person and whether or not they should be in office.

Raeanna: 21:27

And we've got some on one side of the aisle that are saying, like it should only be about the politics. Well, yeah, that'd be great if humanitarian issues weren't interspersed and laced into our politics at the same time. It would be great if we could separate those two. I don't think that we would have nearly as much negativity if we could separate the humanitarian issues, the core values, just being a good person, from politics. If we could separate that, that would be great. But unfortunately I don't think that's possible and I think the only thing that we can do is start to listen to one another on both sides. It cannot be like my client said today. It cannot be this side over here like, yeah, we should definitely listen to one another. Why don't you come over to our side and then everything will be great? And then the other side saying no, no, I think I think we can do this, I think we can, we can talk and we can listen, but why don't you come to our side and everything will be great? No, we have to meet in the middle and we're gonna have to agree to disagree. We have to Because one of the beautiful things about being human and living this life is that we all have the freedom to think our own thoughts.

Raeanna: 22:40

We have the liberty to have our own beliefs. That's what makes this country, that's what makes America so beautiful, at least from the founding perspective. The foundation of our country has been that everyone has a right to their own opinion, everyone has a right to their own way of living, as long as we are abiding by certain laws and principles. But when we start inserting personal, very personal values based on religion or lived experience or any other perspective that you have, once you start inserting that and demanding that other people believe the exact same thing and abide by the laws that you deem to be the most appropriate, that's when we have problems, and so honestly, I don't know how this country is going to climb out of this and bridge the gap, but I do know that we as individuals have some power here reflection, our own self-control, our own emotional intelligence. The work that we need to do on ourselves is hard work, but it's work that should be done in order to make this world a better place.

Raeanna: 24:06

I will tell you, hands down, as soon as I stopped judging myself so much, I was that much better at not judging other people, and now I live in this space of like. I work really hard not to judge myself, and I work especially hard of realizing when I might be judging somebody else and practice giving them grace as much as I have to practice giving myself grace. That doesn't excuse behavior. I set boundaries. I'm not going to be mistreated, but I wholeheartedly believe in just giving people the space and the grace that they need, knowing that they are fully capable, beautiful, worthy human beings.

Raeanna: 24:49

So right now, in the midst of all of this violence, we are, as my therapist said, essentially standing in front of a fire hose of negative information, just pummeling us with negative information, and with that we are missing anything good and anything affirming. So we have to actively choose to seek out good things and I've talked about this before with my clients, especially when it comes to doom, scrolling and social media, we get inundated. It's like shiny objects, like we're going to stare at the train wreck rather than, you know, look at the beautiful sunset. Because the train wreck is like so wildly crazy to us that we can't turn away. But we have to actively choose to turn off the faucet on that negative information. And the thing is is you have the power to do that. You can stop scrolling, you can unfollow any accounts that tend to spew negativity or that rile you up and you can choose instead to look for videos of baby hippos, like. You can choose to do that. Instead, you can choose to put the phone down and call a friend. She, my therapist, said Mr Rogers. She said is her favorite and she said that he had a line that said look for the helpers. She said is her favorite and she said that he had a line that said look for the helpers.

Raeanna: 26:26

You know, as I'm recording this, this episode comes out on Fridays, but it's a Thursday late afternoon and it is the anniversary of 9-11. And you know we think about the tragedy of that and the despair and the hopelessness and the violence. And I remember, like I'll never forget I think most of us that we're old enough to remember like we'll never forget where we were when we first started, watching the clips of the planes hitting the World Trade Centers and like those images are etched in our minds. But if we look for the helpers, those images are etched in our minds. But if we look for the helpers, there were so many beautiful pieces, displays of humanity, of people hugging that were perfect strangers on the streets, civilians, first responders going directly into danger to help people. There's so much beauty but we have to look for it and that, I think, is going to be the best way that we will survive and the way that we can start to climb out of this negative vacuum of information and start to come together again that if we are looking for similarities, if we're looking for the humanity in one another, then we won't be focused on and reeling in our differences, because our differences just seem to be dividing us even more and then we are kind of turning to those that are most like us and that is causing even more small vacuums of groups of people and it's spewing more hate and it's spewing more misinformation. So I just I said it because of pageants earlier this week and it seems so small in the grand scheme of things now with everything that's been happening but can we just spread the love, can we just pour out kindness to people?

Raeanna: 28:29

I mean, I was walking in the neighborhood right after we learned of Charlie Kirk's death. We were walking with our dogs and we walked back past this house that we walked past all the time and they have big political signs out and they are just like screaming their party affiliation and I was kind of having a hard time with it walking past this house at this point and they were outside with a brand new puppy and it was our first time that we actually talked to these people and talking to them about where they lived before this and why they moved here and about you know how they've had this same puppy breed and this is their third and why they love it so much and just seeing their four little kids run around and just the humanity, like, just human beings that if all we see is political affiliation or the color of someone's skin or hear their accent or look at their clothes or see what church they're leaving in the morning, like if that's all we're seeing. We are missing the human behind it all. And that is the one thing. If you strip everything else away, we all look the same on the inside, truly, but we're all going to have different beliefs. Because if we didn't like, where would creativity come from? Where would how would we grow? How would we develop anything new?

Raeanna: 29:53

The only way to do that is through contrast, through disagreements, through Whatever happened to us, celebrating differences, truly celebrating differences. And I want you to ask yourself like what does that mean to truly celebrate differences? And I'm talking all differences. I'm not just talking about cultural differences, I'm not talking about experiential differences. I'm talking about differences in our belief systems, differences in our political views. Let's switch the perspective and switch the script here on. What can we actually appreciate about having a vastly different perspective and opinion on something? Because, at the end of the day, that's truly what makes this world go round. Because, at the end of the day, that's truly what makes this world go round and it's what makes it interesting and fascinating.

Raeanna: 30:45

With that, I want to validate oh, my goodness, I hope that you didn't like tune me out before I said this, if you're feeling like I'm negating the fact that there is a real fear right now. There is very real and valid fear for people, for certain groups of people, for individuals, depending on where you're from, how you identify, where you live, how you look, what you believe. There is very real, valid fear, given the environment of our country right now, the status of our country right now. That's so valid and I just want to send out like the biggest warm hug of validation that I possibly can and I want you to know that you're not alone, like I am not. I don't consider myself a special category of individuals, like I'm not. I don't identify in the LGBTQ community. I am a cisgender white woman, but I'm also afraid. So there's you're not alone in being afraid.

Raeanna: 31:56

That I think fear is a very universal experience. Fear for different things, of course. That's not universal, but fear itself is pretty universal, and so I want to wrap this up by saying like when we're afraid, we still have to go in search of the good for our own survival, because there's nothing we can do immediately to solve this incredibly overwhelming problem that we're facing right now. So we have to go searching for the of us, we have to attend to our trauma, what we've experienced this week. Whether you witnessed the shooting or not, if you were personally involved or knew someone personally involved, or if you just are feeling a lot from it. Attend to your trauma, because this was a traumatic event. Validate your fears. Your fears are absolutely valid, all of your feelings are valid and it's okay to feel multiple feelings at the same time. So validate your fears. Care for yourself. Self-care and self-compassion are going to be essential in order to move through this, and I had a moment when we were walking the dogs earlier this afternoon where I just kind of looked up and I realized that I had been in my head for the majority of and I looked up and I just saw sun shining through the trees and I felt the breeze and I heard kids playing at the park and I realized I'm okay Right now, right here in this space, I'm safe and I am okay.

Raeanna: 33:39

And that was really eye-opening for me that I need to find those spaces of feeling safe and good. We need a reprieve from the fear. The next would be to seek out the good. As I said like look for it, look for the helpers, look for the people that are still showing up in their communities. If you're in pageantry, it's all around you. You see the women that are pouring out their hearts into their communities. If you're in pageantry, it's all around you. You see the women that are pouring out their hearts into their communities. Look for that and lean into the humanity of that.

Raeanna: 34:03

And finally, this was from me. I put this one down. I said protect your peace. You know like it's okay to graciously get up and leave a conversation if it's affecting you in some sort of way. Recognize if you are having some negative emotional reaction to something in your vicinity and choose to remove it or remove yourself from that. Protect your peace right. Like I don't want to lose the sense of peace and relaxation that I was feeling on Sunday before we left the spa. I don't want to lose that. It's taken me a long time to get there. If you've been listening, you know like I've had a year I mean I know everyone has had a year but like I'm still holding on in my central nervous system to a whole lot of stress and trauma. And like I just any ounce of peace that I can have I want to protect. So with that can have. I want to protect. So with that, pouring my love into you, pouring my love into this conversation.

Raeanna: 35:05

I am sure that not everyone is going to agree with everything that I said, but I don't have a script in front of me. I'm truly just speaking from the heart, and I try not to edit these episodes as much as I possibly can, because I want it to come from my heart and I want it to be raw and real, especially conversations like this. So, as with everything in this world, please take what works for you and leave the rest. Please choose to be kind and that goes for me too Like, if you want to have a conversation with me about this privately, like I am happy to. Please reach out. I would be happy to hear other people's perspectives and their experiences and and even, like, clarify if there was something I said that was maybe misunderstood.

Raeanna: 35:47

My intention behind this entire episode was just to pour love and to pour insight from the conversations that I've been having and the things that I've been feeling and the things that I've been working through. So that was my whole intention. It was never to offend or hurt or harm anyone. So be kind to me, give me the opportunity to learn if I misspoke, give me the opportunity to clarify if there was something that was misunderstood and, most importantly, do that for yourself and for others too.

Raeanna: 36:22

Let's all really practice being patient, being kind with ourselves and with others and understand you know that we're all going to come from different places and and have different opinions and perspectives, and sometimes those perspectives are honestly just either naive or uninformed. So we can have grace for people that are in that space as well. So with that, you guys oh my gosh I feel like drained of all the things that I have been feeling and thinking in the last 24 hours. So thanks for hanging in there with me. Please do take care of yourself. Look for those spaces of goodness, look for those spaces of feeling free and feeling alive and feeling safe, because those are the spaces that are going to rejuvenate and uplift you and allow you to keep pressing forward in your personal missions in life and going after your goals and your dreams. So I will talk to you again next week. Take care of yourselves, bye.