Sash & Soul

#60 Stop Second-Guessing: Lead With Conviction

• Raeanna Johnson

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It's officially spooky season, and we're kicking off October with a conversation so many of my clients needed this week: conviction. If you've been second-guessing your choices - taking a break from school, choosing a 2-year program over a 4-year degree, heading into cosmetology or a trade - this one’s for you. Pageantry invites judgment by design, but leadership looks like standing by your decisions and your opinions without apologizing for them.

In this episode, I share the mindset shifts I coach on during local season: how to stop editing your paperwork out of fear, how to anchor your choices in your "why," and how to communicate with calm confidence in interview - even on tough issues. Conviction isn't stubbornness; it's clarity + ownership. You can consider every perspective and still stand firm in your values. Let's talk about owning your path, telling the truth of your story, and leading your life your way.

You'll learn:

  • How to reframe "nontraditional" paths as strengths in interview
  • What conviction sounds like (and what apology language to drop)
  • Simple lines to explain a gap year, program changes, or pivots with confidence
  • Why judges respond to authenticity over perfection
  • A go-watch example of conviction in action from Miss America interview history

Leave today with this mantra: I live with conviction.

Free App Download: Click here to download the Fearlessly Authentic App!

Socials: @sashandsoul | @fearlesslyauthenticcoach | @raeannajohnson
Websites: www.fearlesslyauthentic.com | www.sashandsoul.com
Email: info@fearlesslyauthenticcoach.com

If you’re looking for more than just surface-level prep and you’re ready to prepare with strategy, support, and confidence that actually lasts, I’d love to be part of your process.

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Raeanna:

What's up, you guys? Welcome back to Sash and Soul. Excited to have you here this week. We are officially in October, and I honestly can't believe it. Like, where in the world did September go? Where did summer go? Like, I don't I'm well, it's crazy. We take for the dogs for a walk almost every day, and it just reminds me of back to school, especially because we had a street repaved in our neighborhood. So you know that like that smell of black top in the sunshine, but also like crisp fall leaves. That brings me back to like elementary school for some reason. So just very much in the back to school vibes today. But anyway, this week has been really good. I have had a lot of really wonderful conversations with clients about initiative and platform development, really breaking things down, diving into messaging and looking at paperwork. It just seems like that's kind of the common theme with a lot of my calls right now because it is local season and we're kind of revamping paperwork, editing, adjusting initiative paperwork and messaging and stuff for the new season. And something kept kind of coming up for me within these calls. And it it involves being confident and sure of yourself in the choices that you've made for your life. For example, um the idea that because you went to, because you're going to a two-year school rather than a four-year college, um, that the judges are gonna judge you for that, or um being nervous that because you're not on a traditional path, that somehow makes you less than, or that the judges are gonna really like lean into that. And so what I was seeing quite a bit this week was girls that were avoiding putting more specifics on their paperwork because of that, that kind of insecurity. And so as I was thinking about this, it really brought me back to the coach that I worked with. And this, this actually, like something clicked. A light bulb went off for me in my mind because he would always say, you need to hold yourself as a strong woman with high expectations who cuts her own path and lives by example. And like on the surface level, I get that, right? We're all role models, we are all standing up for what we believe, we're all really strong and independent, we have high expectations. But what really hit me this week was this concept of having conviction for your decisions. So today we're gonna talk about conviction, the leadership skill of standing by your decisions without fear of judgment. And that also dives into standing by your opinions, your morals and values where you stand on certain issues, having conviction for those feelings. That doesn't mean that you don't understand multiple sides of the matter. But if you have strong feelings about it, standing by those without worrying what other people think of you. So we're gonna dive into all of that today. So let's start off by like, why is this so difficult to really feel good about what we've put down on our paperwork and what we're talking about in interview? Well, it all comes down to the fear of judgment. We as human beings are worried about what other people think of us. And when we're putting ourselves out there in pageant land, we're quite literally standing in front of people welcoming judgment. In fact, like that, that is the essence of pageantry, is to be judged. And so then to combine the fact that that is just the environment naturally with a fear of judgment compounds this desire and this need for presenting yourself as perfect. Because if you're perfect, no one can judge you. It's a lot more difficult to be vulnerable and to be real because that really opens up people to have their opinions about you. But some of the common fears that I often hear, and a lot of this is leaning into limiting beliefs, which we work through a lot in Fearlessly Authentic, but some of the common fears that I hear are that judges won't take me seriously if I choose a two-year program instead of a four-year degree. Or that my career path isn't like prestigious enough because maybe you're in a trade school or you're going to cosmetology or something along those lines. And the other thing that I hear quite a bit, and I had a client this week that literally did not have going after an MBA as one of her college or one of her scholastic ambitions, because she's going to be taking a break. And so that fear of looking lazy or unmotivated when you talk about the in-between time that you had in between programs, or the fact that you're planning on taking a break from school to work or to travel or to volunteer or whatever it might be, um, it's such a common thing. But the fear of looking like we're not motivated, or that I don't know if your parents have ever said this, but like if you take a break, you'll never come back to it. And that's just a very old school thing that we hear from older generations that we have to keep going or we will become unmotivated, we'll lose that drive, and we won't actually come back and finish what we said we were going to do. So this fear is really common and it exists largely due to comparison culture, which we know runs rampant in pageants. It's also there because we have false beliefs about success. Those false beliefs are often widely accepted socially. The very clear-cut path to getting your bachelor's degree and then going on for your master's degree right away. And then, of course, if you're going to be a doctor or a lawyer, then you go on to school after that as well. And so there it's just lined up for you. And the expectation is that we will follow that path in order to achieve the American dream. So this institutes a lot of differing beliefs, um, or a false belief rather, about what success actually looks like when we're over here in our own little worlds trying to just navigate and define what success looks like for us. The fear also exists, honestly, because of pageant stereotypes, stereotypes that have been perpetuated within the pageant industry, but also stereotypes of things that we kind of create in our own minds in that comparison. When we're looking at women that have won Miss America, Miss USA, Miss Universe, state level titles that go on to do really incredible things with their education and they're incredibly successful. And we look at them thinking like we're not going to get to that level if we aren't also on a really prestigious, amazing, aspirational path. But the thing of that is you have to look at how many Miss Americas have on their paperwork that they're going to go to school to be a lawyer or a doctor or whatever else. And they end up changing their mind because they have some other amazing opportunity throughout their year, or they learn something about themselves and decide like that's not actually the path that they want to go down. I think if we actually sat down to look at the title holders of the past that have actually changed their minds, it might actually become more normal for us to be okay with also changing our mind, to be okay with not having a very clear vision for what we want to do. And let me tell you, like, I know this. I have felt this fear of judgment. I have felt the angst of not knowing what I wanted to do. So when I was in high school, I thought I was gonna go to school to be a teacher, to be a middle school teacher. And I quickly realized in my first year of school, and I went to a two-year, um, a two-year program just to get my my generals, and then I was gonna transfer to a four-year college from there. So I took a non-traditional path, though it's becoming a lot more common now. And the program that I was in actually had me doing some hands-on, like in classroom things with students, and I quickly discovered that I did not want to build a career off of working with children or with young children in the middle school years. It just, it was not something that I could see myself doing of being in a classroom every single day during the school year, doing that kind of work, and then going home to raising my own children. Um, part of my inspiration for wanting to do that was because my mom ran a daycare and I thought, okay, well, I'm I'm good with kids. I taught dance classes, all these things. And I had such an appreciation for some of the teachers that I had in middle school that helped me through some really difficult things. So this was where my mindset was when it came to wanting to be an educator. Well, then I changed my mind and thought, well, maybe I want to be a broadcaster, maybe I want to go into broadcasting and become a news anchor reporter someday. Changed my mind again because I didn't want to have to keep traveling the world to, you know, up-level into different markets. And like the idea of getting up super early in the morning and have really wonky hours like was not ideal to me. And then maybe I was gonna be a nutritionist, and that sounded exciting to me, or go into kinesthesiology, um, even though like I really didn't have a whole lot of passion for any of that, other than being a dancer. But like, other than that, the science behind it, all those things, like just wasn't really my jam. So I was really floating out there, not knowing what in the world I was going to do. So imagine being in the mix of all of that and also competing in pageants, where my fact sheet, I needed to write down what my scholastic and career ambition was, and then to be able to talk about it in interview. So there was a lot of fear and a lot of angst with that for me because I didn't feel confident talking about where I was. And I know looking back, a lot of that was the pressure that I was feeling, the external pressure and seeing my classmates from high school go on to four-year degrees and then going on for their MBA right away, or some of my roommates taking that track and just feeling like there was something wrong with me, or that I wasn't doing enough or doing well enough. So I struggled with that. And so with my clients or anybody that I talk to, I can now easily say, like, there is no clear path from my personal experience, from my husband's personal experience. Like my sisters, my younger sisters are also um going through that right now, too, where they're just kind of navigating and trying to figure it out as they go. And and that is actually the norm, uh I think more so than someone knowing exactly what they want to do straight out the gate and doing that then throughout their entire career, their educational career, and um, and winding up where they thought they were going to when they graduated high school. So um, but I think in pageants, there's just this added pressure that most other people might not have because we're literally facing judges and answering questions about why we've decided to go the route that we're going or why we're taking a break. And that's really challenging. So, what we need to do is be able to reframe our choices, our different choices from other people to see that no matter what path we're on, it has value. And knowing that leadership requires a diversity of experience. So for me, I went to school, finally landed on being a organizational and communication, organizational and professional communications major. And I was gonna be a women in gender studies minor until I ended up taking enough credits to double major. So I had a double major in org communications and women in gender studies. And there's no really clear-cut uh career path to go down with that. It's kind of very open-ended, which I think worked for me, but that also created a lot of angst of like, what am I gonna do with these degrees? Well, through my pageant experience, I thought maybe I want to do something in nonprofit work, which is what I did. I did that for a little while after I was done competing. And then I did some outreach and business development for some nonprofit behavioral health programs and ultimately burnt out. If you've been listening, you know my story. I burnt out, I had some mental health issues, and I had to spend some time getting healthy before I finally launched my coaching business, which is what I've been doing now very healthfully for the last few years of my life. And I can't imagine doing anything other than working for myself for the rest of my life. But it took that zigzagging and taking a pause and backing up and rerouting for me to get here. And there was no way back at 17 when I filled up my very first pageant fact sheet for the judges that I would have known this is ultimately where I want to end up. I had to do all of the in-between. But the value that I bring to the table because of all that zigzagging and pausing and backing up and loop-de-looping that I did is something that I absolutely appreciate and don't take for granted at this point in my life. I'm so grateful for all of that because of the person that I am today and the leadership value that I bring to the table. And the same goes for you, no matter where you are at in your path. If you're stuck, if you're lost, if you are on a clear trajectory, if you are in between things, no matter where you're at, it is adding value to where you're going. Also remember, as we're reframing our choices, our different choices, that authenticity is incredibly important. Your unique story is going to be what sets you apart. Your unique experiences set you apart from everybody else. We don't want to be cookie cutter. We don't always all want to be on the same path. That would be really boring. I know that sounds really cliche to say, but it's so true. I would be so bored as a coach if all of my clients were doing the same thing. That would be such a boring experience for me. And same for the judges. That would just get boring. So, for example, you need to look at what trade or um program you're in going into, what your career career path is, um, and how that might be preparing you for real-world skills or entrepreneurship, uh, the service impact that's just as valuable as any other experience that you might have. So if you are going to school for cosmetology, think about the skills that you are gaining in that program because that's what it's all about. Higher education is teaching us soft skills that we will use for the rest of our lives. Yes, when you're in a trade, you are learning very, very specific skills that you'll bring to the table in whatever career you're going into. But ultimately, any time that we're educating ourselves, we are learning and we're growing and we're expanding. And that provides value to the world. So it does not matter what route you decided to take in order to do that, it is providing value. Okay. So now that we know all of that, it's really important to talk about conviction and conviction as a leadership skill. So, what do I mean by conviction? I mean having conviction means that you have a firm belief in your decisions and your values. So I looked up some other words that are similar to conviction, just for a little bit more um I don't know, background and support in this. So conviction is having a firm belief, being grounded, being confident. Having resolve means that you're determined, you're steady even when under pressure. Having assurance means that you have a calm confidence and you have clarity. Certainty is clear and unwavering. Taking ownership is responsibility and accountability. Having integrity means that you're value-oriented, your values are aligned, and you're very principled. And finally, having confidence, being straightforward and empowering. So all of these are leadership skills that we need to bring to the table when we're presenting ourselves, whether that is on paper or in person. Having conviction in the decisions that you've made. That is something that I have told multiple clients this week, because, like I said, this conversation has come up multiple times. If you've decided to take a break, it's not willy-nilly. You thought about it and you understand that taking a break and working first is going to aid you so much more before you go on for your master's program. Because the chances of you finding an employer, employer that's going to pay for your master's program is pretty darn good than if you were to just go straight into a master's program and pay for it for yourself. Or if you decided that you just are burnt out on school and you need to take a break for a year, have conviction in that decision. And the bottom line is we cannot worry about what other people think of us. If people are judging you for that decision, then they clearly have some kind of an internal bias or insecurity or doubt about that that has nothing to do with you. Bottom line is it's your life. If you have conviction and stand by your decisions for your life, for your scholastic ambitions, for your career ambitions, no one can question that. I mean, sure, they can question because they want to understand better, but no one's gonna tell you, well, that's dumb or that's wrong. At least not in a pageant interview. And if they do, man, they shouldn't be judging. That's just horrible. So it matters to have conviction because judges typically will respond to that confidence and that ownership rather than perfection. Because it's real. It's real and it's down to earth, and people connect with that so much more than someone that's out there doing everything perfectly, quote unquote, by the book, as if there is a book. Conviction also builds trust. And that's something that I really push when I'm working with clients on interview skills. It's important to build a relationship with the judges because that relationship means that you are building trust with them and they are developing a trust in you to lead as that title holder and to do a great job with that job with that title for the 365 days that you will own it. And just a quick tip instead of apologizing for your path or being insecure about it, share the why behind it. Know your why and share that. Because chances are you're gonna help somebody else if you're honest about why you decided to take a break. The number of times I have shared my crazy story of loop-de-loops and really weird turns as to where I was gonna go in my life. Um I have received so much positive feedback from other people that are like, oh my gosh, me too. It's so crazy. It's wild. Thank you. I don't feel alone, you're not alone. It's just this is where we connect with people, is through that vulnerability and through being real. So stop apologizing for your decisions. Own them. Have belief behind them. Same goes for your opinions, you guys. I have had a couple of tough conversations this week with clients because we're in such a politically divisive um circumstances and and um time in our country right now that I'll be honest, I have contrasting political opinions personally from a lot of my clients. But my job is not to change anybody's opinion. My job is not to um argue with my clients. It is to help them be able to articulate their opinion no matter what it is. And I take that very, very seriously. I will always say do your best to understand all sides. You will be a better debater, you'll be a better communicator if you know all different perspectives of this. But knowing all perspectives doesn't mean that you have to compromise on your ethics and morals and personal beliefs behind the topic. So conviction goes with what you're doing for the rest of your life and the decisions that you're making personally, as well as your conviction in your decisions and your opinions about world issues and social issues. So don't apologize for it. Be really direct and own what you're saying. If you need a great example of this, I always say to go to YouTube and look up Miss America 2009, Katie Stam's Miss America interview. They ask her back-to-back questions about her beliefs on abortion and the way she handles herself with so much conviction, but without dividing or offending, is so beautiful and aspirational. So I always tell my clients to go check that out. Do that, let me know what you think. Finally, I just I want to give you permission to lead your life your way. You are a leader in your own life. You are the only person that will ever live in your head. 24-7, your entire life, from the time you're born to the time that you pass on, you are the only one living in your head. You need to be the leader of your own life. Judges or anyone else are not living your life. You are. And remember that success isn't one size fits all. And even when we're looking at levels of intelligence, like I feel like I'm pretty darn intelligent when it comes to mindset. I've got a lot to learn, but mindset, because there's always more to learn, communication skills, still always more to learn, and other various things that I feel really passionately about. But I'm not gonna go out there and say that I'm intelligent as a biomedical engineer. I'm not. So own the areas that you are passionate about and feel very intelligent in and have conviction in those as well. You don't have to be perfect in everything. Also, having conviction does not mean that you're stubborn. Okay, I want to be very clear about that before I wrap up wrap up here. Yes, have conviction. Stand by what you believe, stand by your decisions, but you don't need to be stubborn. Conviction just means clarity and ownership. That doesn't mean that you have to stop learning or stop taking in other people's perspectives at the same time. So, with that, conviction is clarity and confidence in your decisions, in your opinions, no matter how non-traditional. So your path is yours to claim. You gotta own it, you gotta speak it, and you gotta lead with conviction. Remember what my coach told me you are a strong woman, you have high expectations for yourself, you cut your own path, and you live with conviction. That last part I added. I think that's a really great monster mantra to end with this. I live with conviction. So with that, y'all, enjoy this early October. It's from my perspective, officially spooky season. I do wait until at least October 1st. That's just my own personal preference. Um, so with that, enjoy this early spooky season. Stay well. Uh, check back for more next week. I will talk to you then. Bye.

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Raeanna Johnson

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