Sash & Soul

#64 Beyond the Crown: Alayna Wilson, Miss Kansas Volunteer 2026

• Raeanna Johnson

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Alayna Wilson, recently crowned Miss Kansas Volunteer 2026, joins me for a real, heart-forward conversation about service, healing, and growth. We trace her journey from small-town Nebraska to PhD student and state titleholder, unpacking the story behind her initiative "Love & Light: Giving Back, Moving Forward," and how grief, family addiction, and losing a friend to childhood cancer shaped her purpose. We talk confidence through action (not perfection), leaving the "runner-up club" mindset, switching systems, protecting your energy, and finding balance when life is full. If you've been chasing a crown or a goal on overdrive, this episode will help you re-ground, redefine winning, and lead with authenticity.

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Raeanna:

Hey you guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul. Oh my gosh. I cannot even tell you how excited I am for this episode today because one of my favorite people is our guest. Um, this is Elena Wilson. She is our Miss Kansas Volunteer 2026, very recently ground. But I've known Elena for quite some time now. She came to me as a prospective client like a year and a half ago, I think. And um the journey has been incredible. And watching her growth and learning from her and the deep conversations that we've had have just been really incredible. So I'm just so excited to welcome her onto the show to share her heart with all of you. Um, it's like a blessing for me that I get to create this platform for her to be able to do that with all of you because I've just been so, so blessed to hear her heart throughout the last year and a half. So here she is for all of you. So, Elena, welcome. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited. Good, good. Tell us about yourself. Give us give us the rundown of who Elena Wilson is.

Alayna:

All right. Well, hey everyone. Like Rihanna said, my name is Elena Wilson, recently crowned Miss Kansas Volunteer 2026, but that is just a small, small piece of who I am as an actual person. I grew up in a small town called Columbus, Nebraska. And not only did I live in that small town, I lived on the outskirts of that small town. So it was very normal for me to be barefoot every single day running around with the farm cats and the dogs. We have a huge cornfield in my parents' backyard, which is very Nebraska of us. Um, I graduated sixth grade. We did have a sixth grade graduation with 14 kids. So if that paints a picture for you, this whole world of pageantry is nothing that I ever thought I would get a taste of. It was so distant to me. I grew up watching Miss USA, Miss America, but never in my life did I think I could be one of those women. So then grew up, graduated from high school. I went to my undergrad program at the University of Nebraska Lincoln. And it was the best, I say three and a half years of my life because COVID happened during that point. Um, kind of changed the trajectory of what I thought my life would look like. I joined a sorority, and that was one of the best decisions I ever made, alpha fee. I served on a bunch of leadership roles. I became the president my senior year, and that really launched me into all of my leadership positions that I've held since. So I graduated with a degree in communication sciences and disorders, which then brought me here to Kansas for my master's program, where I got my master's in speech language pathology in 2023. And I decided I love school so much, I don't want to quit yet. So now I'm a third-year PhD student, still at the University of Kansas, and I'm just rocking and rolling with that. And then about three weeks ago, I was crowned as Kansas volunteer. So that is my 24-7 job that I like to joke about. But then I'm a full-time PhD student, and then I also work clinically as a speech language pathologist in a Title I high school.

Raeanna:

Aspirational, essentially. If we were to sum you up in one word, you are the girl that I would have looked at back when I had started competing and thinking, oh my gosh, I will never be as awesome as her. You are the girl that like from the outside looks intimidating because you're so aspirational. But you dig deeper and you're just real. And that's that's what I mean, that's what's awesome about pageantry in general, right? Because we have women from all sorts of different backgrounds, incredibly dynamic people, uh, intelligent, talented, driven, outgoing, charismatic, and yet still human beings at the end of the day. And so that's what I am excited to dive into today with you is like the human part of your journey. Because on paper, girl, you look like you just like set out one day to be awesome and then you did it. But the reality is life happens and change, causes you to change course and causes you to grow and take pause and learn from mistakes and all the things. So can we talk? I really want to dive in first with your serve initiative because it's so deeply rooted in some trauma and loss for you. But it's also really, you know, I know from my perspective, it's so multifaceted in terms of where your heart for service really comes from, that it's not just one experience that you've had, it's a multitude of things that you've been through. So talk about your serve initiative and how it got started. Like I know it's a long story. So, girl, just go off.

Alayna:

All right. Thank goodness this is a podcast and not like an actual pageant interview, because I would take up the entire 10 minutes just going in depth about this. And as you were introing this, like talking about how um you have to be a real person outside of pageantry. And it's those types of traits that actually make you successful, not only in pageantry, but in the real world. And my serve initiative is the testament of that. So it's called Love and Light, Giving Back, Moving Forward. And it's all about creating spaces for the next generation of volunteers. So growing up, we're gonna go way, way, way back. So, growing up, I did not grow up in like a white picket fence type of home. We struggled a lot, like in full transparency, my dad is a small business owner and we filed for bankruptcy in 2011. So there were a lot of financial hardships, um, but there were also other things going on. People that I loved that were suffering from addiction. And when you are close to someone who is suffering from something like that, it's hard to make sense of it. Because in my mind, like, why don't you just stop drinking? Isn't it that easy? Or just make the decision to not purchase liquor or to not go to the bar. Like when you're younger, it's a lot more black and white in your brain. And then you grow up and realize, oh, it is all gray, everything. So I had to help my loved ones go through that in any way I knew how at a very young age. Um, I had my loved ones in and out of rehab essentially until I started high school. So not only do you love someone and you don't understand what's going on in their lives, but they're also inconsistent on top of that. So that really shaped the way that I see the world. And I think that everyone can look at the same thing, but it's always through a different lens. And so I started from a very young age looking at the world in a lens of, oh, people are hurting. And if someone like me, who is this little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl that was the teacher's pet, that got straight A's, that always helped every new kid that would come to my school, I was like their um greeter. I was their automatic friend that the teachers assigned because they knew I would do it. But I think I was so wired to do that because I knew everybody was hurting. Even if they looked perfect, everybody was hurting. And that was a big part of my hurt. So then we fast forward, and I am now in my sophomore year of college. Everything's going perfectly. Like I have the dream sorority, I have an amazing roommate, I am joining all these clubs, I am making friends left and right, I'm finally out of my small town. And then I get this phone call that one of my previous dance partners was diagnosed with childhood cancer. And in my mind, I just thought, well, he's healthy, he's the most athletic person I know. He'll be fine. Like the doctors will know what to do, and he'll be back dancing in no time. But unfortunately, from his diagnosis date to the day he eventually passed was only 11 months. So it happened very quickly. And I had never really lost someone like that before. I had lost grandparents, but that you have time to process that, and you know it's coming. With this scenario, I remember walking into the funeral and like the casket was just too small. Like I remember thinking there is no way that this should be happening. So then with my previous experiences and now with this new grief and this cycle of depression, that I just I did not know how to use my energy in a productive way, but I knew what I was doing wasn't going to get me anywhere. So then I joined the Sammy Superheroes Junior board. Sammy Superheroes is a nonprofit that was actually founded in my hometown that raises funds and awareness for all types of childhood cancer. So I thought I can't bring my friend back to this earth, but I can help other kids like him. So I poured all of that energy I had into this organization. Fast forward my senior year, I become the president of that club and I reached hundreds of families. I got to go to children's hospital and share my personal experience and actually bond with the families. I didn't come here on this pedestal saying, if you just, if you just hope that it goes away, it'll go away and every day is awesome and every day's fun. That is not what childhood cancer looks like. It is ugly and disgusting. And I saw it firsthand. And so I think that also put me in a different position to meet with these families and to actually help them through it instead of just preach at them that they should be grateful for every day they have. So, with my previous experiences of just watching people hurt, that's what fueled me to do something when my friend passed away. Because he had plenty of friends. But why was I the one that wanted to take this next step and do something more? And even though my childhood was not perfect by any means, I can look back now and be thankful for it because that pushed me and motivated me to do something and to take action when I was going through that really hard time in my life. So since then, I then dipped my toe in other things. I got into the cystic fibrosis community, I got into the mentoring community. Um, I am now working at like a child advocacy center and doing story times with kids that have gone through traumatic experiences like I have. And it is so healing. So part of my SERB initiative is to have people reflect on their own stories. Because it might not be childhood cancer, it might be, like I mentioned in a previous podcast, I just recorded, it might be homelessness, it might be poverty, it might be someone you love is battling addiction. Maybe you yourself is battling addiction or bullying. Like you name it. And when you put that energy, that negative energy and flip it and give back to the thing that you thought you were missing, that's done more healing for me than years of therapy has.

Raeanna:

And ultimately, we landed on this evolution of you, you know, what service did for you and your healing and the power that it gave you in this situation that you had no control. And you want to empower other people to step up into their own power and do that too. So tell me about the work that you want to do now with your Serve initiative that is really all about mentoring other people and encouraging them to get out and get involved.

Alayna:

Right. So a big part of this was knowing I can't fix everything. That is a really hard thing as a professional, like as a speech language pathologist, but also as a title holder. You want to come in and just save everyone and do all the things all the time, and you can't. But what you can do is equip people to be in those communities that they are actively living in, knowing the gaps that are happening daily around them. And so that's where I really want to focus is saying, here are the opportunities you can give back. What skills do you have that you can put forth and really make a difference? And that doesn't always look like time. It might be financial means, it might be coming in and teaching your community a skill. It might be offering a place to host fundraisers, any of those things. It doesn't have to be this like black and white. Well, you're gonna go to this event and you're gonna say this script and then you're gonna be healed. Congratulations. It takes the work, and that's something I want to be very transparent with. When I started my Serve initiative, it was just childhood cancer because that's really what made me pivot in my life. But then I took a step back and said, wow, you're right. It was the healing that I did. It was giving back in other ways. And only talking about childhood cancer was wonderful because it needs attention, but that's not going to sit with everyone the same way that it does for me or for other families affected by it. Maybe that one thing is, like I said, childhood advocacy, poverty, homelessness, addiction. So then if I can give people the tools and just the confidence, most of the time it just takes the confidence to reach out to an organization and say, I want to partner with you. Can I help you make gift baskets? Can I just like stand there during one of your meetings and listen to what you're talking about? Because it's those small, imperfect actions that actually lead to a lot of change within yourself. Did you ever lack confidence in your service? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. At the beginning of this journey, I would cold call schools and say, Hey, can I come talk to your students about childhood cancer? And that was tough the first couple of times because you get hit with a lot of questions that you've never practiced. You don't really know how to answer. Um, or you think you know the right answer and then it gets perceived in a completely different way. So when I started this journey, there were a lot of times I would get in my car afterwards and be like, you know what? We're gonna be better next time. But it's saying that you're going to go back again and do it again and be better, that's where you get confidence. It's not by having perfect performances.

Raeanna:

100%. You gain confidence by doing and putting yourself out there. And then you have the little wins, and that just builds up your confidence. And then you got to put yourself out there again. Yeah. And risk it all again. And then you'll have little wins and you build that confidence. It's the confidence formula in action. So speaking of action, like you are incredibly action-oriented. Um, so there's three modes of operation. There's feelings or emotions, there's action, like the physical, and then there's the intellectual or the thinking, right? And we know to be true that you are very much action-oriented. Like that is your first instinct is to take action. Whereas my first instinct is I gotta feel the feels. I gotta, I gotta feel all of this out. I'm just a very emotionally deep person. And then thinking and then action. So action is third for me, which is why people like you tend to intimidate me more because I'm like, how do you do all of this stuff? I don't have the emotional bandwidth for it. But action isn't everything. And I think you recognize that in your pageant journey when it was a lot of action, you were doing all the things, but not getting the results. So let's let's start going there. Let's talk about your pageant journey and what it looked like, especially early on and in throughout your journey in the Miss Nebraska organization.

Alayna:

Wonderful. Okay. So, viewers, yes, I started off in the Miss Nebraska organization when I was 18 years old. And it just kind of happened on accident, I'll be honest with you. Um, but my platform was still childhood cancer because Sammy's superheroes was in my hometown. And so I just thought, I'll do a couple events, I'll shake some hands, I'll take some pictures. Like it wasn't that deep to me yet, because this was before my friend had passed away. But I knew childhood cancer, you know, who's going to say that's not a good thing to support? So um I went through my first year of Miss Nebraska. I think if they were to give out a last place award, I probably would have won that award. And that is not to sound mean to myself. It was just, I was completely unprepared. But I had the best time. So then I took a couple of years off when I started college, and that's when my friend Trevor had passed, and that's when everything changed. And I was like, oh, I don't just have to go to events, but I have to be the keynote speaker. I have to greet everyone at the event, I have to make a point of contact with as many people as possible. And then I need to expand, I need to be part of this national partnership and not just be part of it. I need to be the state representative, I need to do this bill. Like I had so many thoughts. My brain was spinning at all moments of the day. But I needed to do that. I needed to have a lot of action and I needed to know what was happening in these communities. So then what was driving that action though? You said you needed to, but where did that need come from? I think the need came from the void that I had within myself. Because if I couldn't keep my friend Trevor here on earth, then at least I could try to keep other kids here through financial means of finding a cure or finding better treatment options. So I'm glad that you pointed that out. It was this like internal drive of like, I can't let this happen to anyone else.

Raeanna:

Yeah, and it's incredibly relatable because it that was a similar experience that I had when I was presenting my platform, which was everything to do with my brother and losing him to suicide and drug addiction. And it was like this drive to make sure that everyone heard the story and everyone was aware of the dangers and was making better decisions and just trying to prevent it from happening to other people. Like this drive to save everyone else. Yeah, it was like filling a void. And it was also like that busyness was a coping strategy for my grief and for the trauma that I was still experiencing in the throes of grief and and life happening around that and outside of it. Um, and so I think that's such a common experience that that many people have in grief. It's not everyone's, but it is a common experience. So it makes sense that then you get into this role where it almost becomes habitual, it becomes a lifestyle that you just have to keep busy and you have to keep going, even when it has no, it's no longer serving that purpose. Absolutely.

Alayna:

And so that was my life for let's see, four or five years. And that's why my resume is it's jam-packed. Like it, pretty much anything you can think of, it's probably on my resume. But then, you know, there's always a caveat, there's always a tipping point. You can only do everything for so long. So then I keep going back to Miss Nebraska. I got second runner up, and then first runner up, first runner-up, first runner up, first runner up. It was a journey where I kept doing more. I just thought, well, if I just do more, if my resume is more impressive, if I have a better gown, if I have a better walk, if I have a better talent, like then they have to choose me. And if they don't choose me, then it's it's something that was never meant to be, um, which I know now. It was just something that wasn't meant to be in that moment of my life. But doing more did not produce the results that I wanted. And I think that that is a testament to everybody listening. I want that to be like, if you don't take anything else that I say today, it's this if you are just going to events to add a number, to add a statistic on your resume, that's not gonna get you closer to the outcome you want. I really think the turning point for me this year, when I took a step back, was saying, what did these events mean to me? What did I learn from them? What did I learn about myself? Why am I even passionate about this? Am I just like falsely going to all of these things out of habit? Out of like expectations of other people? What is going to serve me? So I stopped doing all the things and I took a couple months to just reflect. And that was probably like the most important thing that I could have done for not just myself as a pageant person, but like as a human being. And that's when I like really got deep into how does my childhood affect what I'm doing now? Why do I feel the need to help other people? Why am I not complacent and just like, oh yeah, these bad things happen to me, but like bad things happen to people all the time, and they don't feel the need to start a nonprofit. Why do I feel that need? And it was because I so badly now need to be and want to be the person I needed growing up. And that is what has grounded me throughout this whole process. I don't get nervous before walking into interview anymore because I don't care what they ask me. And I'll be honest, like, I don't really care about the exact words that come out of my mouth. When I leave that room, I want 10-year-old, 12-year-old Elena to be so proud. Because at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

Raeanna:

What a pivotal moment when all of a sudden you yourself start filling the void that younger you felt.

Alayna:

Right.

Raeanna:

Wow. And that is definitely like a coming into your own kind of journey and a healing journey. Was there a point that a light bullipped in your head that you were like, this isn't working anymore? Some I'm missing something.

Alayna:

Yeah, like something's gotta give. So well, when you get first runner up four years in a row, you need to take a step back and say, What am I doing that's not working? So when I did that, I took myself outside of the pageant. And I thought, okay, if I took away all the outcomes, all the competitors, everything what don't I like about that experience? And it was how much anxiety and frustration I felt throughout the entire week. Miss Nebraska's a whole week. Before interview, I would get so nervous, I would feel sick. In months leading up to Miss Nebraska, I wouldn't sleep. And I thought, if I became Miss Nebraska tonight, my life can't go on like this. Something something has to stop. This is miserable. Like I love competing, and this is making me hate it. It's turning into something that causes anxiety instead of empowers me. So taking that reflective glance at everything. The moment was, I think it was a couple a couple weeks after Miss Nebraska, I was talking with the like new title holder. And she just seemed so calm. And she seemed so at peace. And like I was asking her about her schedule, and she was like, you know what? Like, I can't go to everything, and that's okay. And I was like, wait, what? Like, you're not freaking out right now, you're not like only getting five hours of sleep a night, and you're not packing your schedule so full that you can't do anything else. You're going to continue your job. You're not making this your whole life. And when I stopped making it my entire life, everything changed. Like having that conversation gave me the permission to not let it be my whole life.

Raeanna:

In that journey of trying to win Miss Nebraska, who what were you trying to prove?

Alayna:

I think I was trying to prove and here's the fallacy in all this. I was no longer proving it to myself. Because in my head, I knew I would have been a great Miss Nebraska. I would have been everything they wanted. In the back of my mind, I was like, and when I witness Nebraska, I'm gonna be the best one they've ever seen, and I'm gonna give up everything. I'm not gonna have a job, I'm not gonna go to school. And again, some states in their contracts, it looks different than the way Nebraska's looks. But I'm gonna be the best one they've ever seen. Because I'm gonna give up everything. I'm gonna pour all of my heart and soul into this organization. And how awful would my life have been if I would have done that? Not because Miss Nebraska's bad, but because my entire identity was rooted in that. So I was trying to prove maybe to the judges. I was proving it to them the whole time, or the volunteers, or the board members, I deserve this. You need to crown me. Not just should you want to, but you need to because my resume is the most impressive. Ugh. I'm like gagging thinking about that. Like what an ugly, terrible mindset to be in. And even if you win, you're not gonna be fulfilled.

Raeanna:

No, there's something to be said about feeling fulfilled before you even get there. Uh-huh.

Alayna:

Yep. Louder for the people in the back. Because as soon as I did that, look what happened. We're sitting here.

Raeanna:

Yeah, let's talk about that. Because I was there with you when you competed for Miss Nebraska this last June. And then I was there with you when you competed for Miss Kansas Volunteer very recently. And it was night and day to the point where you said that you had people in your close circle that were like, Are you are you sure you even want this? Just because you were your energy was. So different. So tell us about the dichotomy between the two experiences.

Alayna:

Like you said, it was night and day difference. I, from that moment where I was speaking to now, like the current Miss Nebraska, to I think I signed up for Miss Kansas Volunteer maybe like the last day registration was open. And don't get me wrong, I'm a researcher. Like I said, I'm a PhD student. So like I didn't just like sign up without knowing what the organization stood for. Like I knew that my morals and values aligned with this organization so well. And I knew that stepping away from Nebraska would be really hard. Like I still love all of my local directors, executive directors, volunteers, the women I competed with. Like it was like giving up my family, truly. And I knew everyone. But what made me switch from, first of all, Nebraska to Kansas was the fact I live here. If I'm gonna spend a year making connections and doing the job of a title holder, why would I move to Nebraska to do that for a year just to come back here? That didn't make any sense to me. And I also didn't have to give up as like I didn't have to give up as much as I would for Miss Nebraska. I could stay living in the apartment that I'm in. I could continue with the school program I'm in. Um I didn't have to say goodbye to my friends for a year that I've made here. My life could continue. I wasn't giving up everything. So that was a huge weight off of my shoulders, just knowing Kansas is where I want to compete. And then when I got to Miss Kansas Volunteer, I just realized I love this board. Even if I don't win, these women are so amazing. And they genuinely care about me. So okay, I don't have to win to have friendship with people on the board. Okay, check that off. And then I realized, you know what? Even if I don't win Miss Kansas Volunteer, what else am I gonna gain? And I vowed to myself, no matter what, I'm gonna have the best weekend ever. And you know, I would always get mad at my mom, like, oh, just go out and have a good time. Okay, thanks, mom. That really helps. That takes all my anxiety away. Thank you. But what really grounded me was I'm in charge of my happiness this week, not these random five or six people. I would give the judges so much power. I would stalk them, I would know everything about them, I'd find them on Facebook. I'll be honest with you, I didn't even know the names of the judges when I walked into that room because it didn't matter. And I vowed to myself, after interview, I'm just gonna have a good time. I'm gonna have a good time during it, I'm gonna have a good time before, I'm gonna have a good time after. And nobody else is in charge of that. And when you take ownership of that, everything changes.

Raeanna:

Yeah. Isn't that wild? That that tipping point from you know, relying on circumstances to influence your experience and how you feel, to recognizing that you have complete ownership of your experiences and how you feel. It's so empowering.

Alayna:

It is up to you whether you win or not. Yeah.

Raeanna:

Like because winning doesn't mean the crown.

Alayna:

Yeah.

Raeanna:

Okay, if that cut out, because sometimes uh when we talk over each other, it does, but we literally just said the exact same thing at the same time, and I loved it. That was amazing.

Alayna:

But it's when you realize that. And for me, you know, maybe it took until I was 26 years old to realize that. But I also think, like, I'm a believer, I'm a Christian. I also think God knew if I became Miss Nebraska or any title holder for that matter, before I was ready and before I found my identity outside of pageantry, it would have ruined me. Because at the end of the day, this opportunity, that's what it is. It's an opportunity, it's not an identity. And then what happens once your year's over? And so that's what really grounded me that entire week was I have all of this life outside of pageantry that is beautiful and wonderful and messy. And winning a pageant doesn't change that. That's gonna be there no matter what.

Raeanna:

You did a Instagram or an Instagram live with Miss Volunteer America 2026, Lauren Celimini. Is that Celim? We were trying to figure out how to say Celimbini, yeah. All right, yeah. Sorry, Lauren, if you're listening, I was really working on it before I hit record. Um, but what one of the things that she had asked you was what advice would you give to other competitors? Maybe they're just starting out or you know, they haven't quite met those goals yet. What would you say to them? And I absolutely loved the perspective that you came from. And it was, you know, let go of all the noise, let go of what everybody else is telling you. So could you elaborate on what you had told Lauren of like let go of all the feedback? Because you can ask for advice and feedback and critiques all day long and try and fit that mold. But it's when you let go of all of that and just work on who you are outside of pageants, that's when that's when you really start to flourish. So I'd love to hear you elaborate on that.

Alayna:

Yeah. So this is a hard piece of advice to get if you are not in the mental space to hear it. So, for the girls that are listening and you're like, this is my entire life, there's nothing I want more. Like, I'm so desperate for this. Like, I'll give up everything and anything. I've been in your position and I get it. And I wish someone would have told me, it's just not it's just not. It's okay. So then when you work on yourself outside of pageantry, one of the things that a previous director told me was well, what you talk about in interview, like if you're at a cocktail party with someone, what are they going to be interested in hearing? Is it just bullets on a resume? No, it's going to be things like, oh, I got stranded in Paris for 24 hours with no luggage. Talk about what you learned in that experience. Because let me tell you, being stuck in Paris taught me a lot more than many of my college courses. But people think it's the college courses you have to talk about and the prestige and these like really highly valued experiences on a resume, but that's not what builds you. It's all of those in-between things. What about? Oh goodness, there are so many circumstances. I showed up and I recently filmed a commercial with Patrick Mahomes with 24 hours notice. That taught me how to interact with people who have high influence. Are you gonna fangirl? Are you gonna be a normal person? That is a really valuable characteristic to have, especially if I go on to be a national title holder where you turn quote unquote famous overnight with no training. So it's about working on all of those things within myself. Why do I get frustrated about certain things? Be curious about yourself. Why do I care so much about interview? Come to realize I was trying to control the judges. You're never gonna be successful if you try to control other people. Or in my talent, I was trying to throw tricks and do things that I thought the judges were looking for, even though I didn't feel comfortable doing those tricks. The minute I took them out, I won a talent prelim. And was it the most like high scoring or the most impressive dance in the world? No, but I had fun doing it, and the judges could feel that. And so getting your aura right, getting your energy right, that's what matters. It's not about having the perfect delivery of everything. Because I can guarantee you, even on this podcast, I haven't said everything correctly. Maybe I should have said something and I said something else, like, but that doesn't matter. What matters is connecting. Well, and also should have, according to who?

Raeanna:

According to you, according to me, as the host, according to the audience listening, like should have said something different according to who. It's the exact same thing in interview. You walk out of that interview and you could should all over yourself with, I should have said that thing instead of that thing. And oh my gosh, I didn't even have an opportunity to talk about that. And I really should have tried to weave that in. But why? Should have according to who? And how do you know that that would actually change it that much?

Alayna:

Right. There's also, this reminds me, um, a trend that was going on TikTok where it's like, um, there is like a montage of like different videos of like women saying, like, oh, well, I'm best friends with her because she has a flat stomach. I'm best friends with her because she says the same perfect thing every single time. I'm actually best friends with her because she denies herself any type of fun. Or I'm best friends with her because she works 80 hours a week. No, the same thing goes with conmagentry. Why do you love your best friends? It's not because they're perfect, it's actually probably because they're like wacky and wild and silly and have all these like kooky experiences, or they made this mistake and learned from it. That's like think about it in that way. You're making friends with the judges. And I was in that perfection loophole for so long of like, well, if I'm just perfect, they're going to love me because they have to love me because I can control it. Ha! Laughs, because that is not how it works. In this past interview with Miss Kansas Volunteer, we laughed, we cried, we joked around, and I never once felt any sort of anxiety. Because it didn't matter, we were just friends, right, right.

Raeanna:

So, in your journey of self-discovery and peeling back the layers, trying to better understand where you're coming from, where you want to go, how to let go of you know, the control, so to speak, how difficult was that? Like, there's so much fear in getting started on a self-discovery journey, a mindset journey, a therapy journey. There's so much fear in that because there's a lot of unknown. It's a scary place. And and so, how how was that experience for you?

Alayna:

It doesn't happen overnight. And there are gonna be a lot of days where you're like, oh, maybe I shouldn't have opened this can of worms because now I'm feeling all these feelings and I don't really want to, and I don't really know what to do with them. But like, am I gonna feel this way forever? I think that's everybody's fear. It's like, oh, if I like open up that door of sadness or anxiety or worry or insert embarrassment, then I'm never gonna get through it. But we know that's not true. You can read any psych article, and they are going to tell you to feel your feelings will always be better, and that's where you learn. Ooh, that's a hard truth to swallow. Because, okay, for example, I think a really pivotal part was coming to the surface with everything that I dealt with in childhood. There was a lot of trauma that happened in my neighborhood, a lot of trauma with loving people that are addicted to substances. Um, having another parent that dealt with anxiety and I didn't know how to help my loved ones through it. There's also just life is hard. You're going to witness and you're going to see a lot of things. But if you just say, saw it, push it to the back of your mind, you don't learn any lessons from that. You don't learn anything about yourself. And so by going on this mindset journey, being real with yourself is probably the hardest person to be real with. And I used to live in this wonderful la la fantasy land where everything was great and no one had to worry about me, and no one needed to be concerned, and I was there to help everyone and to fix everything and to come with my little fairy wand and just think everything's great. And don't get me wrong, there are times and places and moments where that saved me, where I had to do that growing up in order to keep on moving forward. But as an adult, you don't have to do that anymore. You're not responsible for your parents or your financial situation that you grew up in or any of those other circumstances. But you are responsible for yourself. And that means making sense with everything that made you into who you are. Because it's not the Disney trips that made you into who you are, it's not the perfect family vacations, but it's those moments where things were ideal because that gives you compassion and it gives you understanding, and it gives you a servant's heart, and it gives you grace and patience and all of these traits that are actually really wonderful about you. Authenticity. But if you don't tap into those ugly things that you're hiding from everyone, even yourself, unfortunately, you're never going to get the full benefit of any of those emotions that you actually do have within you. What does being vulnerable mean to you? It depends on the circumstance. Um, I work with high schoolers and I keep my private life very different than my professional life, mostly because I still look like a high schooler. So, like getting the respect and the authority and um just that like our dynamic is really hard. But when I'm vulnerable at work, it's you know what? I don't always want to read the research articles that my teachers assign me. It's hard. Or I actually don't know the answer to that question. Let's work it out together. But then being vulnerable, like in my mindset coaching, like when we talk together, it can be like, oh my gosh, there was that random time when I was growing up. And wait, that influences the way that I feel about this. And that's why I have this political opinion. Ding ding ding, thinking about any type of political question in your interview. That's where that comes from. Nobody cares that you have this belief because your mom told you to have it, or because you were raised in this type of family. No, that's not what it's about. Everybody has a different way in which they view the world, and you need to figure out yours.

Raeanna:

Yeah, I love that description of it. And it ties in so well with what I've learned vulnerability to be as well. And I think so many people think being vulnerable means like opening up your wounds for the entire world to see. But we had those heart-to-hearts in our coaching calls where I said, okay, I think it's it's good to talk about some of these things that you've been through with me, but know that you don't have to bring it up in interview. It's not for the world to know. The world doesn't need to know that. And just because you don't share that particular part of your experience doesn't mean you're not vulnerable. You have to have self-protective boundaries with yourself as well.

Alayna:

Right. That um, just to add on to that, it's like, so we had these like really deep, heart-to-heart, like you said, moments where like I'm sobbing, we're like working through it. Oh, dude, I was sobbing too. Oh, yeah, everybody's crying. Everybody's crying, like in a good, healthy way. Um, it's not just trauma dumping, because I don't think trauma dumping helps anyone ever, but talking through some of these like really adverse childhood experiences. Like, and don't get me wrong, like, I love my parents. I grew up in honestly, like a very nice, loving home. But everyone, even if you have a wonderful family, you have these experiences. And so I am just like pouring my heart out. And I was like, in order to be vulnerable, do I have to like say this in my Miss Nebraska interview? And you gave me the permission to be comfortable disclosing this, but that doesn't mean that you have to say it in an interview. But take the lessons you learned through that experience and show them in your interview, show them in your everyday life. Because that's why I care so much about working with like child advocacy centers. That's why I would just want to help everyone, especially children. And I wouldn't have had that realization without really coming to know how that childhood experience really shaped me. But there are other things I'm willing to say, other things I'm willing to talk about. I'm pretty much an open book, but being an open book, like you said, doesn't mean you're pouring your deepest, darkest secret to anyone that will listen, because that's also not helpful.

Raeanna:

Yeah, it's not healthy and it's it's not safe for you to do. Right. So, what does authenticity mean to you?

Alayna:

The one way that I like gauge it, even like throughout this like interview, as we're talking, I keep asking myself, would 10-year-old Elena approve of this? Because I think that is a really good test of saying, like, okay, am I beating myself? Am I putting on a face? Am I faking it? And kids never lie, you know, like kids will tell you straight up. So I'm like, okay, would younger Elena agree with this? Would she approve? Would she look at me and say, that's the type of girl that I want to be with that, the way that she's carrying herself and what she's doing? And so I think being authentic is not letting anyone's opinion influence the way you conduct yourself, besides the younger version of you.

Raeanna:

Yeah.

Alayna:

I hope that makes sense.

Raeanna:

It makes perfect sense. I actually I love I love that perspective on it because it's it's true. I think one of the reasons that we we turn inward, we uh we act or put a face on is in fear of what other people think of us or what other people have said. Right. Or hiding from ourselves. Or hiding from ourselves. But being authentic is exactly what you said that that fearlessly authentic piece of of not being afraid to show up as you. And the fear is rooted in what other people might think of you, not being afraid of what other people might think of you, or what other people might say, or, you know, truly anybody else's perspectives or your own limiting beliefs and just showing up real. Definitely. Okay, we recently had a conversation about all the things that you want to do this year as Miss Kansas volunteer, and you've got a laundry list, plus you're going to school, plus you're working, plus you're in a committed relationship, and you have an amazing social life. You are doing your own volunteer service and you're influencing other people to volunteer as well. You're working with sponsors, trying to make the most of all of this. And so the word balance comes to mind for me. How are you planning to find balance and sustainability throughout this year for yourself?

Alayna:

That's probably the hardest part of this job. Because it's not just doing the events you want to do, but it's also am I supporting the local title holders the best that I can? Am I talking to my directors enough? Am I reaching out to sponsors? Am I posting enough? Like, do people know what's going on in my life? There are so many things that are involved with being a state title holder, which I've never had that experience. And so it was kind of a crazy first three weeks for me because there are all of these, like we said, shoulds. You should be on social media more. You should be at this event, you should be doing this. And those comments, those statements are not helpful at all. So finding a balance, I break up my week into certain things on certain days. So, like Monday, Tuesday, I go to work, I only focus on school. Wednesday, focus on school. Thursdays, I take all my meetings, I do all my Miss Kansas volunteer stuff. Fridays are kind of my flex days. So whatever I didn't have time to do during the week is now what I do on Fridays. And you have to stay consistent. That's the piece that I think is really hard. And there are going to be some weeks where I have to prioritize school, like during finals. Gotta prioritize that. Or I have to prioritize work during certain times. And then Miss Cancel Volunteer, when we get closer to nationals, that is going to be my top priority. But it's knowing when to give it a rest. I think that is really important in finding balance because oh, I could be on social media all day. I could post 17 things, I could have all these drafts, I could do it all. But then is that gonna burn me out and I'm not gonna want to do it for a month? So it's not necessarily this balance of time management, but energy management is probably more important and knowing yourself. I am a mid-morning gal, love it. That's when my brain works the best. That's when we're recording this podcast. Um, but if I wake up at 5 a.m. to do homework, it's not happening. If I go to the gym at 10 p.m., you're not gonna get my best effort. So it's really knowing you and finding a balance that works for you. And if it doesn't work, change it. You're in charge of your life.

Raeanna:

I think perspective is really important too. Like we had talked about the other day. I said, Alina, are you getting paid for your appearances as Miss Kansas Kansas volunteer? And she said, no. I said, so it's really a volunteer position. Yeah. Okay, please treat it as such. Like, yes, it's a job. It is, you're under contract and you have certain expectations. But at the end of the day, this is a volunteer position. And you're gonna pour your heart and soul into it because that's what you do with everything. But I think that's one way of finding balance for all of you guys. It's like perspective, span, like pan out. I just hit my mic, pan out and look at all the things you have going on and really narrow down like what are the priorities here and check yourself regularly. I think that's another really important tactic. Now, if you have a different title where you do get paid for appearances, or maybe the contract looks a little bit different, then priorities shift with that too. So it's all about perspective and how you're looking at it.

Alayna:

And there's so much freedom in that too, where it's like, you know what? I really need a career someday. Like school has to take priority and it will. But then you gave me so much like confidence and like reassurance when you said treat it like a volunteer position. Like, you're not spending 20 hours a week volunteering, usually as like a normal everyday person. Maybe five hours a week, if you're lucky, but just having that perspective of like, okay, you're right. I am a 26-year-old woman. I need to pay my bills. How am I going to manage my time to reflect that?

Raeanna:

Yeah, absolutely. Oh my gosh. I want to be mindful of your time because I know. So we're recording this on a Thursday, and I know that Thursday is her day to like get a whole bunch of stuff done and have her meetings and everything. Um, so I kind of want to wrap this up. First off, what my like second to last question that I want to ask you is what advice do you have for the girls in the runner-up club? Because you consider yourself to be the queen of the runner-up club.

Alayna:

Yeah, I'm the president of the first runner-up club. If anybody wants to join, formal application. No, I'm just if you are in the first runner-up club, there's a lot of heart and soul and time that gets put into that. And I am not going to sit here and say it's easy to switch things up. But what I am saying, it might be necessary. If you keep going after the same goal and you keep just adding and you want to do more, do more, either take a step back and work on your mindset, like we've been talking about, or take a leap of faith and join a different organization. If you're eligible in more than one state, try a different state. Because when you are laying on your deathbed someday, are you going to be thankful that you competed at the same competition 10 times? Or will you have a better experience and meet more people and have a larger network if you try other organizations and do different things? And if it doesn't work, okay, go back to square one. But what if it does work? And that's exactly what happened for me this year. But if you're in the first runner-up club, you have the hardest job on that stage and you already did it. You literally did the hardest thing that could possibly happen on that stage. So don't give up. But sometimes your dreams should change. Yeah. Yeah.

Raeanna:

Caveat to all of that. If you've made it to First Runner Up, and maybe you've made it to First Runner-Up multiple times or top five multiple times, something is working. So be careful not to flip it on the head and like do everything different. Elena and I had deep conversations about her talent because she was going to switch up her talent. And it from my perspective as a coach, I was more concerned about the stress level of switching up that talent and doing a brand new talent than I was about her tweaking an already pretty great talent that she already had. And then she kept it and won over one uh prelim talent. Yeah. And so I'm a huge fan of, you know, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I performed the exact same talent four years in a row and took that same talent to Miss America. So, like, be cautious of that, that that there's a lot of the like wardrobe stuff, hair and makeup, walking practice, like all these things that are like more tangible that maybe don't need fixing. And that it really is more of an internal and energy thing, to Elena's Elena's point, or switching it up into a different system. Um, you know, and before we hit record, we were talking about this. Like, don't get so specific on exactly what your dream should look like and what you want it to look like, that you close yourself off to other opportunities. And that's what Elena did for herself this year is she stepped out of that very specific vision of being Miss Nebraska, going to Miss America as Miss Nebraska, and said, let's see if if this dream can show up in a different space.

Alayna:

And it did. And I still get to do everything I wanted to do as Miss Nebraska. That's the dream. The dream of serving people and helping people and traveling the state and making all these connections didn't change. The title just did.

unknown:

Yep.

Raeanna:

100%. Oh my gosh. This oh was everything I wanted it to be and dreamt of it being and more. Elena, thank you so much for sharing your heart with us today. I want to give you the last word though. What else is on your heart today that you want to make sure that you share with our Sash and Soul community before we sign off?

Alayna:

Investing in yourself is the best thing you'll ever do. And if you catch yourself pouring more money into better talent, better evening gown, better this, better that, just think about how you can make yourself better because that influences everything else. And it goes so far beyond pageantry, it goes into every single other aspect of your life. So my little piece of advice is to find how you can work on yourself. What ways can you improve? But most importantly, instead of looking at it through a lens of pageantry, look at it just through a lens of who you are as a person. And I guarantee there are going to be things in your life that fall into place that you never thought would be imaginable.

Raeanna:

I love it. Beautifully said. Thank you. Oh, thank you again for spending some time with me today and sharing your heart, sharing your journey. With everyone. It's um, yeah, again, like I said at the beginning, just aspirational. Aspirational for everything that you've accomplished, but more so aspirational for the way that you've grown and the way that you've challenged yourself to grow internally. It's just such a beautiful thing. And you're able to do so much more for humanity when you've done that for yourself. So thank you so much. Thank you. All right. Enjoy the rest of your day, Elena. Thanks again for joining us. And for the rest of you, I will be back again next week for another episode of Sash and Soul. Until then, take care of yourselves and I will talk to you then. Bye.

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Raeanna Johnson

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