Clag

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello. Hello, Martin. Welcome back.

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello. I don't even know where to start. It's been a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Why's it been so long, Martin? Why have we taken so long to do this episode?

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Well, it's because you keep wanting to half finish your renovations.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Yes, everything's half finished.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

I haven't had a little uh I thought that could be somewhat somewhat of a uh a theme for our return, which is half finished. See the season's half finished, you see, right?

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Yeah, yeah. That's true. Is it is it well, what are we, round 14? We actually it it's impossible to work out whether it's half finished or there's half to go or what it is, because um it's uh are there ten rounds to go and we've had we played eleven or twelve?

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Uh uh this is exactly the problem I have with trying to explain anything to anyone who doesn't know anything about football. It's impossible to to explain anything. Because because you look at the ladder, I think so. Some hang on, some have played 14, some have played 13. So the ladder's meaningless.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Uh and then what what I do love though is um the uh what is it? The uh the draw. The draw is just so who gets a so the last what are we? We have we've had buys the last one, two. This is the fourth week of buys.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

And there's another week or two weeks left, I think. Of buys as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Next week as well. There are two, yeah. Seven weeks of buys, yeah. Wow. Well, they'll be well rested. That's right, and now they're playing uh bloody rugby on the on the MCG. Honestly.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

What's going on? Disgrace. I tell you what though, there is great news uh for our um for our millions of pointless listeners in Queensland. We're we're going on the road again in two weeks. We'll be in the Gold Coast. Watch out, Gold Coast Goldies. Here we come.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Well, our previous highest downloaded episode was in fact Adelaide on the road. Yes, yeah, it was. So now it's going to be we're going for the G on the G C on the road. The GC, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

We're going to see the AFL and the GC. See the pies. Pies. Are you feeling confident? We are. It's the becoming famous Twilight time slot. Uh on the G.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

It is the traditional time of 4 36 on a Saturday afternoon. But I don't know how we're going to get there. People keep saying, I keep asking people, they say, I get a cab, or you know, no one says, Oh, don't worry, there's a bus or a train. Well, you're gonna have to parachute out and land on the ground because there's no other way of getting there.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

We can get an we can get a couple of e-scooters. I think you and I going along with an e-scooter would be great.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

I think one thing that we're not doing is e-scootering to a Collingwood game.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

We can get an ambulance. Run over a couple of pensioners on the way in the Isle of Capri as we're on the way through.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Isn't that surely it's not the Isle of Capri, is it?

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Isle of Capri isn't it's famous. That was like the first island up there there. Uh everybody's grandparents lived on the Isle of Capri at some stage. If you ask them, they'd uh you you asked your uh grandparents, uh well, you can't ask your grandparents, I can't ask mine, but uh our generation's grandparents all had all ended up on the Isle of Capri. Must be like a whole nursing home, just a whole island. I always remember people talking about the Isle of Capri. Anyway, we could we'd have to talk about I'd have to say the Isle of Capri again.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Um we've we're this is the first time I think we've ever done a podcast where the teams are. Yeah, yeah. Look at us waiting till Thursday.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

So yes, tell us about your new you've got uh a new debutante.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

We're gonna have a chip, so we have a protect your ears. We're having a uh the dead ball on Saturday night. Um yes, young Sam Swaddling. Great name. I do love that. That is a great name. Swaddling.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

It's not one of the great names for footy, though, is it? It doesn't sort of strike fear into the hearts of the opposition.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Yeah, I think you might be right. But yeah, swaddling. Wasn't that what you were saying? Wasn't that clothes?

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Yeah, swaddling cloth, isn't it? Um don't you wrap up babies in a swaddling cloth? Is that when you wrap them when you wrap their arms really tightly, is uh suspect.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Ah, is it? Yeah, maybe that's he's very he's he's a tight inside midfielder, Swatters. I don't know. I think he is actually a bit swaddled. It's really interesting. You've got to have so the three in's for Collingwood, and I'll say them in this particular order, is a long swaddling side bottom.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

How good's that? I do like that.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

A long swaddling side bottom. Swaddling side bottom. There you go. Or we could have a swaddling long side bottom. But anyway, it's uh kind of amusing. Long swaddling side bottom. Wow, yeah, it'd be like Ned, big, big Ned, Ned Long.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

Yeah, so there you go. Well, what about uh what about uh Carlton? Who are they playing this week? Um GWS the Giants Giants can I just say uh it's impossible to pick either team. And you are in fact the Giants are a dollar thirty-nine.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

You and your bloody cods. Jeez, this is gross.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Um hard to know with the Giants, isn't it? Yeah, it is. I think uh we have a Wi-Fi lag issue anyway. Um the uh you guys are the curtain raiser to our game.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

Yes, yeah, the battle of the interstate magpies.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Yeah, this too. Yeah, there you go. Well, who's uh I'll tell you what I did see today. Was it today? No, yesterday. Uh young um what's his name? A weeders. I do see him around my own.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

I actually saw him himself.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

I did. He was standing next to him, could have touched him. Big boy. He took must be taller than you. Uh yeah, he'd be taller than me. He's slightly larger than me, too. I mean, he he looks he looks kind of big on the field, particularly his legs and like he's a big dude, but when you're next to him, he he's even pretty massive.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

I saw him and some. So he was with his partner, girlfriend, or wife, and she was about half his size.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

Oh god, yeah. Well, I saw him in the Peter Mack um foyer one day with the with some of the other players getting ready for the Collingwood game, the Peter Mack fundraising thing they do. And God, he was massive, and then um Sam Doherty was there last year, and uh I couldn't believe how big Werding was, and then Tom DeConig appeared um and he was even bigger, he was so tall, I didn't realize that big he's bigger now too, he's in Sequilar.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

Oh, he's a million dollars bigger. Yeah, he's gotta fit all his uh money in his uh his pants.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Yeah, I'll tell you what I've been doing, man. I'm very excited about the World Cup.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Um, yes, we've always talked we're uh we're up every morning watching the World Cup. It's great.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

It's really good, isn't it? It's great.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Young Garrett gets up at uh you know 6 6 30 and we go, yep, no worries, Garrett. We're up, we're at it. We're in here.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

He'd be very happy that you're up.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

We watched uh we uh me and Claire. Claire watched the England team with one eye open and one eye closed this morning to try but this uh full two, huge result. Yeah, we're running a little are you in a competition? Are you in any form of no, I'm not actually tipping competition? No, no, you could join ours, but you'll be something between 10 and 15 tips behind.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

I I'm I can win the pair anywhere when I'm when I'm ahead, let alone if I have to catch up ten or fifteen tips.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

It's actually hard because you it depending on the competition, but you you can pick a win, a loss, or a draw. Oh, yeah. You get a you get a in our thing, you get a point for each one you get right. But it's very non-Australian to pick a draw.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

Yeah, it's true.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

If I went through and just picked winners and losers, then I thought to myself, oh shit, I could have picked draws. But then how do you pick a draw? What do you do? You just like surely that's luck. Yeah, you pick a draw. It's like picking a draw in a. Well, true. That is true. But how do you well how do you what do you what are the what's the criteria for like a winner or loss has some kind of criteria to it, but a draw, what is that? Like two yeah, I know it's a team.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

But I but if you reframe it and say that the tipping is about picking the result rather than the winner or who's gonna win. Well, well, then there are three possible results basically in the I like your reframing. Yeah, reframing. It's good you've got to love a bit of reframing. How the names of some of the players, it's one of the things I love every time the World Cup's on. So I was watching Hate Haiti uh when they played their game, and I noticed there's um there's a there's a guy called Experience, and I thought that's a good team, it's good name to have on your team. Experience or his name was Experience, and then they made a sub substitution and they took off Providence and substituted him for Fortune. The names are fantastic. I'm in love with Haiti just because of the names of the players.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

What'd you what would you if you were if you're uh was it experience his surname, was it?

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Yeah, right. Yeah, well, whether some of them have one name one name, I think in you know in football.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

What would you what would you if you were his parents? What what would you call him?

SPEAKER_01 10:00

In that was when he was young. Inexperience or maybe lucky when he got to in his twenties, they dropped the in.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Yeah, just we're gonna we're just calling you experience now. Yeah, I and no his initial could have been I N, like Isaac Neil experience.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Yes, in experience, in experience, I like it. I like it or when when the team's named, it's like out Smith in Experience. That would be a good one too. No, we could go on, we could go on.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

Yes, we could, but it's um it's it's actually damn good getting up. But having sport was good. What what was the other one we were getting up for? Oh, the golf. This we get that tomorrow. Tomorrow was it on today? No, today.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

What? What's what's happening this week?

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Oh no, it's on tomorrow. US Open.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Oh, is that oh good. Yeah, yeah. I thought US Open was usually later in the year, like September or something. Oh, because isn't it pretty much?

SPEAKER_00 10:56

I think it might have changed because of because of the um the soccer. Okay. I think.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

Yeah, US Open Where Where are you, you and Claire on the oh sorry, good finish the golf thing first. What's the yeah, it is is it?

SPEAKER_00 11:07

US Open starts. Yeah, it's June the 18th. So that's yeah. Uh uh Today. Today, today in America. Um Shinnecock Hills.

unknown 11:20

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

GT, I shouldn't that's golf course. Ah, yeah, that's tomorrow. So we we get a lot. Oh, we'll get we've even got I don't know whether you want them, but we've got tea times.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

Should we just read out the tea times? Actually, it's the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

We could. This is the podcast solely devoted to reading out the tea times for the US Open that you can otherwise read yourself on the internet. But um that starts at 8 35 p.m. So I mean what two hours. Well, that's a very civilised time for us. Great Michael Jordan M. Jordan's playing, that'll be good. So they a lot of the straglers the stragglers are out early this time, I think.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Yeah. The first couple of days they we'll often have some of the big names go early too, though.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

I think. Um great uh oh, it's all over the shop. I can't figure out who's who.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

But anyway, the I think it's a random sort of thing. Or or they select or something. But I know in the Masters, I think Rory McElroy played quite early on the first two days.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Yes. No, they they swap though, don't they? They play early on the first two days, they play early one day and it's a great one. Yeah, you're quite right.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

I'm trying to find Rory Wednesday. Ah, McElroy, 9 52 p.m. There you go, you still got time. Beauty.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

That'll be after the towards the end of the Geelong Frio game. Actually, that'll be not at the end at all because it doesn't start till ten past eight. I'll definitely be in bed by the is it tonight? After half time tonight. Yeah, tonight.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

No, I can't we just discuss TNF. Like I can't Thursday night for it's too it's too early in the week. Are you gonna go to the house? It doesn't work.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

No, I'm I'm I'm on board now. I think it's great. It's great there's only like three days a week without footy. It's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

That's true. It's only what Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Bloody hell. No, I can't I can't get to TNF.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

At least for all things. Every every time I turn it on, all you see is T and F all the time. And then and then you get to and then it's FNF. Yeah. Why isn't it SNF? They never call it SNF.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

Why do they have to have names and labels and stuff? And then the Sunday is the Sunday ticket. Uh I know.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Now they're starting to call it Super Saturday. That's just football people. Like just what about the DeLong game last week?

SPEAKER_01 13:26

Everyone wore doing what they played that. I was there, I was at the game. Nobody understood.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

It was called white the White Out, but why? Well, they all wear TipX or something.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Sponsored by TipX. Tipx must have gone out of business. Does TipX still exist? Do you remember the TipX thing that you could get? Have you been using TipX? Maybe you can get little strips of TipX to put on your like your typewriter.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

I reckon if with all the with all the with all the feedback on your book, you probably have to tip a bucket of them pouring all these clippings for it.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

I use a roller. I just you know get a paint roller and dip it in TipX, just roll over the whole page.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

It's probably time to get a new page or probably Tipex Tipex. It's going to have not said that for about 20 years. But surely no, surely no one uses that shit anymore.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

No, surely. No, we've got to probably Google it now, see if TipX still exists.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Used to stink. Remember, you I don't know where you used it. Probably high school was the last time I used it, but it used to stink as well. It was like paint.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

Oh, yeah, it did, isn't it? Disgusting stuff. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Then you have to wait for it to dry because if you didn't it was too wet, then you fucking have to do it again, and then you'd have you know that all similarly growing up in the alley is hard, it was tough.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

Yeah. I always thought girls had a uh had an advantage with the tipex because it it was like uh nail polish. Oh wow a little little paintbrush that comes comes out of the thing. Uh it looked like my mum's nail polish.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

No backspace button for us. We used to use tipex.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Cut and cut and paste. No cut and paste. Cut and paste was literally get some scissors, cut and paste, cut the word out and paste it over there. Oh dear. With clag. Do you remember Clag? Oh Clag. That's one of the great names of anything.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

Clag. And then you used to, but the problem with Clag, if you stuck two things together with Clag, they then became this kind of congealed, warped sort of mess. What was it? It was like paper. Paper machine. Paper machet.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

Yes, paper mache. Clag. I wonder what was mache? Yeah, yeah. Make it put around a balloon. Do you remember putting it around a balloon?

SPEAKER_00 15:49

Oh no, I reckon I reckon Yeah, I know, put around a balloon, pop the balloon. I'll tell you what. Not my first radio, mate. Oh, that's good. I reckon we should do some research. But I think Clag is more likely to exist than Tip X.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Yeah. Yeah, there'd still be a need for Klag, surely. That's like saying the word. Might if you call this this episode Clag.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

Yeah, that does. Look, you can buy it, you can buy it at Officeworks, four bucks clag paste.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Yeah, yeah. Comes in a really cute little bottle now.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

None of this when I grew up, it was just this giant, ugly sort of was like a brush, wasn't it? And you just have to slap it.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Remember it's in the you screwed it off and the brush came out. Oh tip X. Tip X exists?

SPEAKER_00 16:33

No, surely not.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

You can get at Woolworths.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

Trying to show you Clag. This is the description. Clag is a classic Australian non-toxic, non-toxic starch-based adhesive paste. Joe, that's a mouthful. Primarily used for children's school and craft projects like paper mache and collage. What's a collage?

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Collage. You gotta love a collage. That's where you you know you cut out pieces, you know, photos from magazines, and then you clag with clag you stick them in your scrapbook. Or you can cover like a beautiful trunk or something like that so that you can then sit there.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Apparently, Clag is highly regarded for its safety and classic brush in cap applicator.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

Oh the yes, that's true. It is a classic brush in cap applicator.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

The the B I C applicator.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Oh, what is brushing?

SPEAKER_00 17:21

I mean the action had an acronym. Brushing brushing.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

Oh, brushing cap, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Pay attention. I've had a very I've had a very acronym day today, so I had to stick with acronym. But yes, there you go. They do both exist. We we've sort of gone off topic slightly with CLAG.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

We have I had a couple of things back to love.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

Can we just finish off Thursday night football? I think it's crap.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Yeah. Good, okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

I forget it's on and then it's on and then you miss the game. It's true.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

So next time it's hard to it's hard to build up because you're not ready for it. I agree, but you know.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

I'm kind of over it on the code.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

It's true, and I think it's partly because uh I'm not working now and I'm sort of just waiting for my renovation to be finished and living across the road, and I'm just sort of like filling in time most of the weeks. Uh and so it's like footage on again, great, it's something to watch at night rather than continually watching Netflix, which is fine.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

But yes, I sort of get that, but having only three days out of seven.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Hello, Garrett. Young Garrett's speaking up in the background.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Yeah, good.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

He wants to join the podcast, but he's still too young. Of course. When he's 12 months, he can join.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Hey, um a few good lines from commentators I was taking notes of. Yes, yes, yes. So the couple from um from the World Cup. Uh, one was that he he was describing somebody who said he's one of the best dribblers in European football. I did like that. My favourite one was during the soccer. Uh one of the commentators said uh they were saying something, but this is this is actually a totally different ball game. Um, but it wasn't a totally different ballgame from their other soccer match. A totally different ball game would be AFL or rugby league or something. It's not a totally different ball game, it's the same ball game. So I don't like that.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

Very true, absolutely. Um what are we uh now that I'm thinking, what do we think of this? What I think is being ridiculous, this buddy drinks break thing that got halfway through each half.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

I know, but it feels like footy then because it's like quarter time. Well, yeah, they might as well be four quarters. Why don't they just do that?

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Yeah, they don't. Well, they could bit of AFL. Maybe they should we should have an A AFL World Cup and starting out of that summer, maybe. Who'd have thought? Top ten teams playing the finals. Oh, it don't even start me. I can't even every time I look at the ladder, I'm like, that the toilet finals is just stupid. People are still thinking.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

I did the ladder predictor this afternoon, and uh it is quite quite realistic that Cartland Collingwood could play in the in the toilet finals.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Absolutely, it's possible. But what my next question is why on earth are you doing the ladder predictor? You are obsessed with the ladder predictor.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

Well, I love the ladder predictor, it's great.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

So when you did the ladder predictor, I'm assuming you did it very biasedly towards Carlton. When where did you finish?

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Uh fourth, I think.

unknown 20:32

Fourth?

SPEAKER_01 20:34

That was if we won every single game. But I was realistic. So, you know, I I didn't think we could beat Fremantle in Perth or Brisbane in Brisbane. Um, so like it teams above us on the ladder, I did put us down for a loss, but if we win all the games that we probably should win, we would end up ninth, and you'd end up tenth. And so eighth and ninth. We'd end up eighth, you'd end up ninth, and we'd play each other. Then we'd love the WC.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

The toilet final would be awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be yeah, that'd be fun. Carlton Collingwood, toilet final in the MCG. How good would that be? Wow. I think it's actually entirely possible. It is, it is. We're hovering around there, I love the you know when you the draw.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

I think it's you know, you say it's pretty much this a kind of a s a successful year if you you know you should be beating most teams below you, you know, and you and you try, you know, maybe you don't win or beat the teams above you, right? That's fair enough. But that means if you're West Coast or Richmond, you're doing having a really good season. You've never you've never lost to anyone below you. So that's like reframing, reframing the success of the season. Yeah, we did not lose to anyone below us, yeah. Well, what and what what we haven't talked about, Carlton? That's like since we did the last podcast and since Fossey was summarily dumped, you've won everything.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Well, there's nothing to see here. We're back on track. We're we got uh we got Josh, everything's good, Crips is back in form.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Um Josh Fraser hasn't lost the game now. I know doesn't want the doesn't want the job. Yeah, doesn't want the job. So yeah, I I think it's very smart from Josh Fraser, right? Rather than saying we're doing a lot right and you know, pumping everything up, it's it's the opposite. Just no, no, I don't want the job at all. No, no, no, no. No, no, we're just taking this one game at a time, you know, rebuilding this, you know, no.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

We need to, if it's him or not him, it has to be somebody who doesn't want the job.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

So I think that's Yes, I agree.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

Uh everyone that there's a common theme here in all our previous coaches who have failed, they all wanted the job. So we need to find somebody. Do you want the do you want the do you want to coach Carlton, Martin?

SPEAKER_00 22:43

No, no, no, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

You're in. I'm gonna I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

You should put an ad in the age, you know, the old school when you put the yeah, and the paper for a job, right? And he should say, you know, posit, you know, position wanted coach Carlton Football Club. For those not wishing to apply, please apply here. Yeah, you don't what you need is a coach that doesn't want to do it.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

It's not the reverse. I think I think there's something in there. I think it is. Oh no. What's he done? I think um I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

While you're checking that out, I'll I'll just uh fill in a bit of time. And with that, our internet collapsed, and that's the end. Goodbye. Thanks for listening.