37. Soulful Journeys: Balancing Planning and Presence with Adair Cates

Join us for a heartwarming and insightful episode of ABWilson's Heart of the Matter, where we dive deep into the soulful journey of our guest, Adair Cates. Adair is a transformational Conscious Leadership trainer, facilitator, and coach with over 20 years of experience in adult education, leadership, personal development, and mindfulness. In this episode, Adair shares her unique perspective on life, blending her passions for planning, music, and spirituality.

Adair describes her connection to something greater than herself and how this spiritual awareness shapes her life and work. Discover how Adair navigates the balance between her organized, planner side and her soulful, present-focused self, often finding them at odds. Adair also reveals how music has been a constant in her life, influencing her experiences and expressions. 

Adair discusses her recent partnership with Hal Elrod and the Miracle Morning community, highlighting the impact of their Conscious Leadership Accelerator program on participants' lives. She recounts powerful stories of transformation from program participants, illustrating the profound effects of mindfulness practices in navigating life's challenges.

Adair emphasizes that life is full of purpose and connection. She encourages listeners to embrace their own journeys with openness and mindfulness, reminding us that every experience is part of our growth. 

Thank you for tuning in! If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, and share it with your friends. Join us next time for more inspiring conversations on ABWilson's Heart of the Matter!

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Transcript

Welcome to another edition of AB Wilsons Heart of the Matter, a podcast that uses
overwhelmingly positive questions to learn about our guests, where every episode uncovers extraordinary stories of triumph, growth, and empowerment. Hi, Im Aderonke Bademosi Wilson, and my guest on todays show is Adair Cates. She is soulful, a planner, and loves music.
Welcome, Adair.

Adair (00:32.346)
Hello, its so good to be with you, Aderonke.

Aderonke (00:35.148)
And so, dear, I want to start by getting you to explain your descriptors. What does soulful look like? What does that mean to you?

Adair (00:45.402)
Okay, so I guess theres many words you could use to describe what I mean by soulful, but Ive ever since I was a young child felt like I was connected to something bigger than me. So maybe you could call it spiritual as another way of saying that, but I very much believe in our soul has a purpose and we have a body.
thats physical, but our soul is really what ignites us and what helps to carve the path that we take in this life. So thats what Soulful is about.

Aderonke (01:19.478)
And so a planner. I am a planner. I have notes. I have documents. I plan things out. Tell me about being a planner for you.

Adair (01:31.472)
Yeah, so theres also other words for this. We could call it type A, we could call it organized, we could call it a control freak. It just kind of depends on how its manifesting as to what word we would use. But I like to kind of see whats happening and look ahead into what I can make plans for and what I can organize. And the interesting thing is, The planner side and the soul side are often at odds with each other. So I get to play that fun game of like, you how do I be the planner? Which if I think about it, the planner is like the physical me, right? The human me that like wants to get ahead and know whats happening and
all of that. And the soulful side is more of like, Im in this moment right now and I surrender to whatever, whatever is. So thats what planner is to me.

Aderonke (02:26.604)
And so thank you. And then adding the music and dancing, how does that play a role in your life?

Adair (02:33.318)
Yeah, again, I guess other ways to say this is like, I would say I have a very high musical intelligence. So oftentimes while Im like walking through my life and having an experience, I think of the song that would go with whats happening in that moment. Maybe I should have been a DJ in this lifetime, but maybe that will happen next lifetime. But I, my whole life grew up with parents who always had music playing in the background. They were always dancing and having fun. And to me, was just like, you know, there was no dance like nobodys watching. Its like, I didnt care if anybody was watching. I love dancing and thats a big part of who I am and how I express myself in the world that, you know, a lot of people probably wouldnt even know about.

Aderonke (03:22.764)
And do you have a favorite song or a favorite type of music?

Adair (03:27.154)
I really like lots and lots of different styles and types of music, but I find when Im left to my own devices and I have to select the playlist, its usually some type of, you know, 70s. I love 70s era. I love disco, but I also like, you know, classic rock as well. So there you go.

Aderonke (03:51.562)
Excellent. Thank you so much. All right. So lets lets get to the questions. Adair, please share three interesting things about yourself that our listeners may not know and your friends may be surprised to learn.

Adair (03:53.083)
Yeah.

Adair (04:06.604)
my gosh, way to start with a really good one that Ive got to think a little bit about. Three things about myself that people might not know and my friends might be surprised to learn. maybe, okay, so Ill start with one that kind of connects with that soulful descriptor, which is I believe that nothing is an accident, that everything is on purpose, that every single person that I pass in the street today is part of my souls journey and my souls past and that were all connected on this journey. So there are no accidents and that Im co-creating with the divine based on my level of consciousness. So again, now you can see where that soulful description comes from. But to me, like everything is on purpose, everything thats happening, which, you know, at the extreme can cause like incredible anxiety because its like, my gosh, this is all happening.

Why is this happening? And maybe gets me like overthinking about it. But on the other hand, it brings me a lot of peace and a lot of comfort that while I can be the planner, I can be the type A, like actually life is going to unfold the way that its meant to unfold.
no matter what I do. So it also helps me to lean in more to who I am being versus what I am doing. So I would say thats one thing that everything is on purpose. 

Nothing is an accident.
Another thing that I would say is, and this is kind of a funny one. I think my friends would know this and not be surprised by this, but sometimes I say, I have five kids and Ive only been pregnant once.

Aderonke (05:54.891)
you

Adair (05:55.546)
and I dont have quintuplets. So how the heck did that happen? Well, my biological children are twins, Joy and Coral. They were born on Christmas day. Theyre about to turn 10 this Christmas.
And I have three bonus children. So my partner, John and I joined forces together about three years ago and we merged our families and we do life together. We work together. Thats how you and I know each other, Aderonke, is through the exchange community. so I say I have five kids and I only had to be pregnant once.

Aderonke (06:32.75)
Well, thats very cool. Thats a very, very cool way of looking at it. Thank you. And you can start.

Adair (06:37.494)
and Ive got to come up with one more. So I have one thats connected to you actually. My very first plane trip when I was a kid was to Bermuda.

Aderonke (06:49.772)
Very cool!

Adair (06:50.832)
And I have wonderful memories of being there with my family, of being scared to death on the back of the moped, riding with my dad. just remember going down like this giant hill and just being terrified. Again, thats probably that control freak self wanting to be driving it, not behind my dad who is kind of a crazy driver. So my very first airplane trip was to your country.

Aderonke (07:16.268)
Wow, have you been back since? Well, let me formally and publicly invite you back to Bermuda with your family.

Adair (07:18.29)
have not been back since. I know, its crazy.

Adair (07:26.151)
Im going to take you up on that because it was a stunning place. I loved it. I loved the experience and it was just such a it was such an extraordinary adventure that Ill always remember.

Aderonke (07:37.026)
good, Im glad you have really wonderful memories about Bermuda and I invite you to come make some new memories. So Adair, can you tell us about a recent accomplishment or success that youre particularly proud of?

Adair (07:40.762)
Yeah. Yeah, Ill do that.

Adair (07:53.33)
A recent accomplishment or success Im proud of. Well, I would say, know, yesterday I had this really, you know, kind of like, wow, this is so cool that I get to do this. We did a partnership recently in our Conscious Leadership work at Exchange with Hal Elrod and the Miracle Morning community.
And as part of that three day offering that we did for free for his community, we offered a six week accelerator program. And I believe youve been a part of our accelerators in the past. And this is a conscious leadership accelerator like I've done in the past, but it has the Miracle orning theme to it. And what Im so proud of about that is the container that it holds for people, the space that it holds for people to be their full selves. And for the transformation that can take place when we put practices at the center of our life for us to reflect, contemplate, pause, regulate our nervous system, when we are committed to that. So in the six week program, people commit to journaling prompts that they use weekly and daily. People commit to watching videos to learn more about the neuroscience and the mindfulness and the heart intelligence of conscious leadership, the inner work of conscious leadership. And the people that really go all in on their
own practice, their own pause, the transformations that occur in their life are really
astonishing.
You know, everything from healed relationships. Many, many people have told me theyve healed relationships with their children, with their parents, with the people they share their home with. People have told me they've lost weight. Theyre like, you know what, when I breathe better, I realize I dont actually need to go to food to resource me. I can use my own breath to do that. And so Im just not as interested in food as I was before.

Adair (10:13.138)
and so many other things. And aside from those things that we would consider positive, being able to face really challenging situations and be fully in it and fully present. So someone yesterday had lost a pet last week and was really sad about that. And they said, but I was able to really be with it and resource myself through it in a way like I never been able to do before. And I shared a story. I actually lost a very dear friend last week, unexpectedly my college roommate. And I shared in that story that because I use these presencing practices, I use my breath, I use the power of my heart intelligence to stay grounded, to stay centered, to stay in my body. It allows me to be able to handle those challenges better.

Another woman said she was able to walk her son through suicidal ideation last week. And she said, had I not been practicing my own pausing, my own breathing, my own heart connection, my own mindfulness tools, I dont know if I would have been able to be with him in a way that would keep him safe. 

So, You you asked about the accomplishment. Thats what got us here. Its like, yes, there this six week program, but its really the, you know, Im proud of what Ive created with that and of how Im holding space in that container so that people can have these transformational experiences, especially for me. I love the like creativity part and were manifesting and amazing things are happening.

But for me, what I really care the most about is for people to be able to face lifes greatest challenges and biggest stressors from a place of being calm and centered and present for
themselves and for their loved ones in these challenging times. Because look around, the world we live in is quite chaotic. Theres uncertainty. And the one thing I know for sure is were going to die and were going to face challenges along the way. So if I can support...

Adair (12:36.454)
that space holding for those challenges and help people to really deliberately focus on their own resourcing and presencing, then I feel like Im living my purpose.

Aderonke (12:48.662)
And so there, how can people get more information about your six week program?

Adair (12:54.58)
thats such a good question. Well, the best way to do that is I can actually add, I dont know if its possible just to give a website. I dont actually have the website, but I can we can put it inside of your show notes. And if you go on my website, a Derrickhates.com, you can navigate and youll find a link to the conscious leadership work that we do. Its something that right now we launch a few times a year and Im in creative mode right now to figure out how might we keep this as an ongoing

Aderonke (13:01.314)
Yeah, go ahead.

Adair (13:24.516)
offering. I had this aha moment. This is the first time this is like coming out of my mouth and definitely publicly. But I had this aha moment that the space in the container that is being created when we bring people together and they're deliberate in their their presencing and their mindfulness and their practice and theyre having conversations with each other. Theyre connecting heart to heart.

Its kind of like what happens for people in a recovery meeting. And that AA that you hear about, its the power of being witnessed, of being heard. People are so distracted. You might be talking to a loved one while theyre looking on their phone, and how does that feel? But in our container when we come together, we reflect, we breathe, and we talk to each other, and were fully present and were listening with our whole mind, our whole body, our whole heart. And people, its transformational for people. its, to me, its almost, theres an opportunity to create
a space of deep listening like that, that doesnt have to be attached to alcoholism or other addictions. Its like, no, we just are in tough times right now. Life is kind of hard.
And so how might we really be witness to each other in a collective space, a collective container? Mm-hmm, yeah.

Aderonke (14:58.07)
Thank you. Thank you for that. And I will definitely put on your website when we publish this conversation so people can find you and learn more about your program. So thats very, very, very wonderful. So please tell us about a time when you made a difference in anothers life.
What were the circumstances? Paint a picture for me.

Adair (15:10.162)
Perfect. Thank you for that. Thank you.

Adair (15:26.756)
Yeah, mean, you I think I would use that same example that I just gave. You know, its very top of mind for me, this, as I said before, just this container that Ive created, this six week experience that Ive created and how that is so transformational in a lot of different ways in peoples lives. So Ill just say I already answered that one.

Aderonke (15:53.856)
Okay. So when you think about the program that you've created, what were the key strengths and qualities you relied on to make a difference?

Adair (16:03.622)
Hmm well Going back to where we started. Im Im soulful and Im organized And I like music and dancing which I dont know if that actually fits in there, but its like I have this ability to tap into The soul the the creative side of myself through using
systems. So I have a very dedicated personal practice. Every morning I wake up and I spend time with my journal. I spend time in prayer. I spend time in quiet contemplation. Just me and the creator and my coffee. If its cold enough, Im by the fire. If its warm enough, Im sitting outside. And for me, having a dedicated
spiritual practice, thats that organized side. I like systems and I like hacks and habits that are gonna lead me to be the best version of myself. And Ive been doing my own version of a morning practice for probably 15 years. It started with just writing down gratitudes and kind of evolved into bringing lots of different pieces in. Like I said, prayer. visualization, sometimes walks in nature, meditation, whatever it might be. So the strength I have is Im very committed. Im very dedicated to the things that I know are going to not only serve me and my wellbeing, but serve those around me. Thats a huge strength for me. And the
other strength is the soulful side, which is, you know, I long for a spiritual connection and conversations with the creator and downloads and inspiration. All of that is an important piece of who I am and how I operate. I think for a long time I was probably in the spiritual closet around that because I dont identify with any one religion. So Ive found the spiritual soulful path is interesting as I was raised Christian, but I didnt want to just subscribe to any one
religion. I really had no desire to do that.

Adair (18:29.41)
as I was able to choose how I want to express the spiritual side of me. yeah, I would say those are two strengths that I have that I bring, that I brought to what Ive created in my work.

Aderonke (18:42.862)
So what advice or guidance would you give to somebody whos listening to you who has maybe two, three, four, five kids and managing your responsibilities, because everybody knows a mothers life is full and busy, and balancing it with finding time for yourself to...

Adair (19:07.85)
Hmm.

Aderonke (19:10.87)
journal to pray to be at one within yourself. How do you manage that?

Adair (19:18.256)
Mm-hmm.
Well, it does require dedication. And as I said, it's something that's always come naturally to me. If I believe its going to serve my well-being, I'm committed to it. And I think what the deeper layer of that is, is when we have a value system that is clear, then we are willing to commit. I mean,

The world we live in today, there are so many distractions. There are so many things pulling at our attention. Our number one ability that most of us cannot harness is our attention and where our attention is going. And the algorithms and the cell phones and the internet and all these things are literally looking to pull our attention away from what we value the most. And so its more important than ever for us to know what do we stand for? And so for me, Ive always stood for harmony and wellbeing. And Ive known and I understand more deeply than I ever
have for myself, I require a lot of alone time to find that harmony. And thats me, not everybodys like that. Some people have different needs and desires and all of those things. So I would just encourage people to like,
Really, I believe everything starts with quiet space. Because how in the world, with all the ways your attention is being pulled, if you dont have quiet space, even if its five minutes a day, as I do sitting by the fire or five minutes of taking a shower by yourself or whatever, find the space and listen for the still quiet voice inside of you.

Adair (21:13.134)
is your souls calling. So you have to make the time to make space for yourself. We cant over give. We cant, you know, continue to like spread ourselves thin because when were in that state, were not at our best. Typically it requires quiet and space for us to hear the inner callings of our souls. So I would just recommend anything you can do for any short amount of time.
to take a few deep breaths and just be with yourself and see what happens from there. I I started by just writing three things I was grateful for every day because I heard thats what you should do if you wanted to live a good life. And it was very mechanical and it was very prescriptive, but I still did it. But because I dedicated that space, it opened up in me, wow.
just being here with myself is really nice and having this quiet time, new ideas, new thoughts, downloads would come in, inspirations. So any little space that you can find for yourself, starting at any level that works for you, is a wonderful place to start.

Aderonke (22:32.186)
Thank you for that. I think thats good guidance for many who may not know where to start or even how to start. Adair, can you recall a situation where you overcame a challenge that led to personal growth? What did you learn from that experience?

Adair (22:34.001)
Mm-hmm.

Adair (22:39.845)
Mm-hmm.

Adair (22:51.474)
I was just talking about this yesterday, this idea of post-traumatic growth. So we hear lot about PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, and there is a whole body of research on this concept of post-traumatic growth. And its a topic that Im very curious about. So for me, in the pandemic era was a time of a lot of
personal shakeup for me. So in 2020, early 2020, I let my husband of 12 years know that I wanted to part ways. I wanted to divorce, that I wanted to co-parent our children, but I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with him. And then of course the pandemic happened and we spent 2020 separated but together because of the pandemic and working through our divorce agreement. And it was really challenging to come to terms with, wow, I made the decision to marry this person, and now Im really seeing that this isnt the person that my soul longs to continue being with. We have our kids together, and well be co-parents together, but I dont want to continue being with him. So end of our divorce was official. And at that time, Im...

I had lived in a little studio right in our neighborhood and I moved to a bigger place and got the girls all their room all set up and we had a, you know, a co-parenting plan laid out and we were, you know, rocking and rolling beginning of 2021. And then very unexpectedly in February of 2021, he passed away. And talk about the planner side, you know, I was like, I thought the hard thing was the divorce. Like that was really hard. You werent supposed to die? Like what the heck? So it was like everything got turned upside down. And when you can;t
rely on your planning, what can you rely on? Your soul and your spiritual guidance and your practices and everything you can do to take care of yourself, frankly. And so I wish I could say that I just tapped into my spirituality and I got really healthy and mindful and all of those things, but I didnt.

Adair (25:21.979)
I got really busy. That was the first thing I did. I just started doing a bunch of stuff because my planner type likes to check things off the list. So just by the nature of, you know, I had moved out, he kept the house. I decided I should move back to the house because I didnt think I wanted the kids to move to the apartment I was in. So there was just a lot of...
moving pieces and parts on the board, right? And then I had to become the executor for his estate, which is a whole bunch of legal stuff because he didnt have a will in place and we werent married anymore. And Im the guardian of his heirs and he has assets in multiple States and a lot, like that was busy, right? A lot of busyness. And then amidst all of that turmoil is actually when John and I came together.

And so it was, you know, some of my darkest days and some of my happiest days happening all at once, which was a real emotional stretch for me. And long and short of it, that experience and ultimately deciding, okay, Im going to move to Ohio and were going to join families. Were going to blend our families. All of that happened from, you know, 2020 to 2022. And by the time I moved here, my eyes didnt work.

I couldnt drive. And I was kind of paralyzed in a lot of ways. Like I could see, but I had, my eyes would not work together. So it caused a lot of motion issues. I couldnt drive. And I spent the next 12 to 18 months kind of like stuck at home in a lot of ways and isolated. And it was really the universes way of saying like,
You know, this is your time out. This is your time out. Physical ailments, in my opinion, always stem from some kind of emotional or soul expression. And so to me, was just like, okay, Im just gonna be with this. Now, I was seeking medical support, I was doing vision therapy, I was doing things to support it, but honestly,

Adair (27:40.58)
a lot of that stuff in the long run didnt work. What worked was me like digging deep into myself and healing parts of myself that I didnt realize needed to be healed because I had been through a lot of trauma over that experience. Even though, as I said, a lot of it was positive and uplifting with John and I coming together, but overcoming that was...

One, what I realized was my biggest lesson from that is at the end of the day, you cant go outside of yourself for your own healing. And what I mean by that is there can be guides, there can be wise guides along the way, like my optometrist and my vision therapist, they were wise guides, but they werent getting to the root of what was happening inside of me.

And then I found some other guides and some other systems to help me get into whats the belief, whats at the bottom of all of this thats causing my eyes not to work. And there were things there that needed to be healed. And so I recognized that like I had to do that healing inside of myself for my eyes to come back online the way that theyre meant to. And what Ive learned since is like our eyes are like our nervous system on the outside of our body.
And so when our nervous system is dysregulated, our eyes will often be the first to tell us that theyre dysregulated. But we learn otherwise. We gotta put glasses on. I wore glasses for 18 months. Dont wear glasses anymore. We gotta put glasses on. gotta do, and theres nothing wrong with glasses and everybodys journeys different and theres different reasons for glasses. So Im not saying like, everybody should take their glasses off. No, but a lot of times,

You know, from this experience, I was putting faith in something outside of me when something inside of me was not healed or not resolved. So Ive recognized that, you know, anytime theres something happening outside of me that feels off, that triggers me, then that is like my greatest teacher of the moment. And usually an opportunity for me to check in with myself. Where am I dysregulated? Which all of that led to

Adair (29:59.046)
that six week container that I was telling you about. A lot of goodness was born from those challenges that I went through because I weathered a lot of storms and now I can help other people do the same. Because, you know, kind of going back a couple questions ago, like the one thing I know for sure is were going to die and were going to have challenges along the way.

And yes, there are wonderful things, but in my life,
No one taught me how to suffer.
No one taught me how do you really overcome a challenge. No one gave me a playbook for that, but they gave me lots of cheerleading and lots of accolades when good shit happened.

When all the wins are happening, everybodys like, yeah, this is cool. This is awesome. You got to go for it. You got to, you know, accomplish these things. But what happens if something, you know, blindsides you like losing a loved one or an accident or a physical ailment?

Like, I just never felt like anybody helped me to understand, what the heck do you do with that? And so these last few years have been about that.

Aderonke (31:20.492)
So, and Ive talked about the loss of my first husband on the podcast in the past, and Ive probably said this in the past, but my mother, when I was grieving, said to me, youll use this to help others. And at the time, I couldnt process it. I was like, I cant even help myself, mommy. I cant even help myself. But over the years,

Adair (31:25.372)
Hmm.

Adair (31:37.938)
Hmmmm

Aderonke (31:51.308)
Ive been able to listen to people differently, even if its just listening, listening with.

Adair (31:55.835)
Hmm.

Aderonke (31:59.948)
with a different appreciation for somebody who has lost a spouse, for somebody who, and as I called it at the time, going through a really dark tunnel with just spots of light.

Adair (32:02.962)
Mm.

Aderonke (32:18.508)
that were helping to guide you. And thats how I saw it at that time. Those closest to me were those lights at the end of the tunnel just guiding me through.
and supporting and helping. And so I do get when you say youre not taught to suffer because you are taught how to win, how to excel, how to compete, how to... But when tragedy strikes, you have to find a way.

Adair (32:55.282)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

Aderonke (33:01.11)
And there, thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing this part of your journey and speaking to post-traumatic growth. Because thats not a term I had heard before. But I think it does describe very accurately the journey that you must go through when life isnt.

Adair (33:15.41)
Mmm.

Adair (33:24.464)
Mm-hmm.

Aderonke (33:27.502)
when life happens. Thats all I have to say. It can only be life happening, right?

Adair (33:29.606)
Mm-hmm.

Adair (33:33.7)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it goes back to the idea of, you know, as youre asking generative questions here in this conversation of like, the questions we ask in these times often help us lean towards post-traumatic growth or towards post-traumatic stress and like really staying in that trauma. And so a question that I go back to a lot is, you know,

Is this happening to me or for me? And I always lean towards this is happening for me. So how is this happening for me? If I am not a victim and everything is on purpose, then this is meant to be whatever is in front of me is exactly whats meant to be unfolding right now. And so its
happening for me, not to me.

Aderonke (34:27.224)
Thank you.

Adair (34:28.167)
Mm-hmm.

Aderonke (34:30.934)
You are listening to ABWilsons Heart of the Matter podcast.
Welcome back to ABWilsons Heart of the Matter podcast. My guest today is Adair Cates. Adair, youve touched on self-care in terms of your daily routine. What self-care practices or strategies help you to sustain your energy and motivation while navigating your journey?

Adair (35:01.339)
Great question. Self-care means a lot to me. It means a lot to the work that I do in the world.

Its very tied to my own sense of purpose. I really appreciate this question. So daily practice is important. We cannot put our self-care on the shelf and hope that, you know, the next time we take a vacation or the next time we happen to have a day off or we happen to have time, were going to take it off the shelf and do it. No, has to be built into our life. once you, if you choose, like I choose, to view who I
am is the most important aspect of everything that I do in my life. Its who Im being thats most important. Then self-care is 100 % non-negotiable. So, building it into your day,

Taking time throughout the day to pause, breathe. People tend to breathe very shallow and activate the fight and flight side of their nervous system just because theyre not breathing well.

So tapping into my breath several times a day, doing breath work practices or just taking a few deep breaths or noticing
Even just the act of noticing my breath while Im doing something is an act of self-care. Because a lot of times when Im in go, go, go mode, I literally notice that Im not breathing. Like Im holding my breath, just trying to get it done. So if I can just notice my breath, that is an act of self-care. I mean, the ultimate act of self-care is our breath, how were breathing. Because our breathing is what keeps us alive.

And its the one part of our autonomic nervous system that we have control over. It happens automatically, but we can also control it. So to me, that is like a gift from the creator that if you want to shift something, start with how youre breathing.

Adair (37:16.658)
So to me, breath is the ultimate self-care practice. The other ultimate self-care practice is pausing.
So instead of just diving into something, pause. If you find yourself triggered or irritated or annoyed instead of acting unconsciously like you have every other time, pause.
See what happens when you just put a little space between whatever it is thats bothering you and whatever you decide to do next. So to me, thats also an act of self-care. I also love dancing.
So just playing music and dancing as much as I can. I love dinner around the family table. Like to

me, that is the ultimate sense of community is us gathering around the table at home and sharing a meal.
So thats part of my self-care, because self-care isnt just something we do alone. Its things we do to take care of ourselves, but we need each other. We need our community. We need our people. I also am a rugged individualist, so I have to remind myself of that and the gifts that people bring to me and how important they are in my life. So for me, that all starts at home at the table, around the table.
Our goal is to have at least two meals with the whole family around the table every week. Some weeks we get there, some weeks we dont. Sometimes we have more than that, just depending on whats going on. that is a huge piece. Walking in nature, having conversations with John. I love walking and talking with John. Yeah, those are some of the things I do to take care of myself.

Aderonke (39:06.902)
Thank you. And how might sharing your experiences of success and growth create a positive ripple effect in your family, community, the world?

Adair (39:07.654)
Mm-hmm.

Adair (39:18.64)
Hmm. Well, I think we all get inspired by stories. And so, you know, sharing the things that Ive had the opportunity to experience in my life can inspire somebody else to have their own journey, to have their own experience that they can then share about. So I really love the opportunity to listen to peoples stories.
and also, you know, when its appropriate to, share my own, to share my own story. because I think stories can be really inspiring and especially, based on everything weve said, really that, that kind of overcomer mindset of like, you know, there was a challenge as always, just like the heros journey. We all love a good hero story. You know, it's like, what, what, what challenge have you overcome to be where you are today? And I think its very inspiring and can give us
energy to keep going, because all the things that we are aiming for in our life that we would like to see manifest in our life are just on the other side of our greatest challenges. Right? Thats the heros journey. So we have to keep going. We have to move through those challenges. And so when we share those stories with each other, its a reminder of that. Right?
You know how many great movies out there are all based on the heros journey and we keep watching them. We know what's going to happen more or less, but were addicted to that.
Theres something in our soul that knows that the heros journey for our life path is actually

true. Right? And you know, not that they all turn out the same or that they all have a happy ending because sometimes they dont. But its just a reminder that
We can share with each other and we can listen. The listening is so powerful. And witnessing, which is kind of, that goes back to what I was saying about like the six week container being, people say in recovery that are in AA and things, go to the meetings, go to the meeting, show up. Why? Because theyre being witnessed. Theyre hearing stories.

Adair (41:44.348)
Theyre overcoming something that is a challenge for everybody in that circle. So I think theres so much power in that that, you know, we oftentimes wanna look over-complicate things and find, you know, yes, theres, you know, maybe there is the 12-step program, but everybodys in a different place on that, but we can all come together and we can all hear each others no matter what, right? So same thing in life. We can all be in a different step in the process.
in a different place on our path. But if we can sit down and listen to each others stories, which thats ancient. Thats were around a campfire. That is ancient tribal in our DNA as human beings, right? So its really, really powerful.

Aderonke (42:32.514)
I appreciate you sharing, Adair. Your guidance and your wisdom is truly inspiring. So thank you.
Thank you for your openness and your vulnerability. So what exciting opportunities do you see on the horizon? And how do these opportunities align with your passions and aspirations?

Adair (42:42.364)
Yeah, youre welcome.

Adair (42:58.831)
Opportunities on the horizon. Well, a big practice for me right now that will probably be a practice for my whole life based on the planner side of me is looking at all of life as a gift. So whatever is in front of me, viewing that as an opportunity thats been sent to me from a higher source. So even if my mind says, well, this isnt what I wanted, or thats not how I would do it, saying yes and continuing the journey. So picking it up instead of pushing it away, receiving. So I had an aha after attending a breath work retreat over the summer and I came back and I never felt more present to whatever was happening and like less reactive. it was amazing. All I did was breathe for like two days in different patterns and deeper than I normally would. It was amazing what opened up inside of me. What came to me was to receive anything, I have to receive everything.

And so for me, the opportunity is how might I receive whatever is in front of me right now with love, with grace, with mercy, as if it is a gift from the creator, even if I dont like it. So lets let letting go of the personal preferences of I want this and I dont want this. Im going to push that one away and Im going to go for this one.
That is probably my biggest life opportunity that will continue to be my biggest life opportunity when you like completely zoom out on whats going on. Yeah, so I think Ill just leave it at that.
could say lots of other things. Ill say one more. For me, Im on a quest and Im asking the creator and Im tapping into my own and others wisdom around this idea of  You know, how do we view our whole life as a spiritual practice and unfolding without feeling like we have to fit into any one religion? And how do I transmit that to our children? You know, itd be easy for me to be like, well, you I grew up Christian. I want to raise my kids Christian. Im
just going to take them to church, and theyll take care of it.

But I dont know, I have a real curiosity around how do we view everything in life as spiritual and how do we raise our children to be that way. Theres pretty also, Im a total nerd, so I love the science behind it, but there is really terrific scientific evidence around the power of raising children to be spiritual that creates them like an incredible, incredible amount of resilience in them. And so Im curious about that. How can we help our children be spiritual when us as parents arent necessarily prescribed into any one system? So thats a curiosity. Thats a curiosity that I have. And I would say kind of going back to this whole aha around the recovery space and the AA meetings, like what is that space? What is that
community, you know, thats maybe beyond the six week container that Ive created where people can come together and have a practice with some intentional pausing, some presencing, some breathing, some regulations, some self-regulation and community together so that we can really become the
best versions of ourselves, be regulated to face the challenges of life.
and have a community of people where we know we can come together and were gonna grow and were gonna struggle and were gonna evolve together. Because I think what the planet is calling for right now is evolved consciousness. And that sounds like, thats kinda out there, thats kinda woo woo. But lets just break it down. We really have to elevate our awareness and our thinking to new places.

Adair (47:23.696)
Like we have to, we have to start to see things through a new vision and new eyes because if we dont, the path were on is a path of destruction right now. Our planet is in absolute peril and all these devices that have us distracted, they pull our consciousness down. Like we gotta pull our consciousness up and have a sense of unity to be able to really elevate to whatever is next because if we dont, I just dont have a good feeling about where were gonna end up.

Aderonke (48:04.328)
Thank you, Adair. And Ive really been listening deeply to what you have shared. And it seems as though the program that youre creating is going to evolve and grow in order to be able to help the quest that youre on to

Adair (48:20.562)
Mm.

Aderonke (48:31.372)
to help others have evolved consciousness as you yourself take that journey.

Adair (48:37.389)
Thank you.

Aderonke (48:38.966)
And I am looking forward to seeing where that goes because I do agree we have to change our practices. We have to change and be better, be in appreciation, be in gratitude because in being in gratitude, you see things differently, you appreciate things differently. And so, yeah, thank you. Thank you for that.

Adair (48:42.428)
Thank you.

Adair (49:07.504)
Youre welcome. Yeah.

Aderonke (49:11.222)
And so were nearing the end of our conversation. my question, my next question is, what book recommendation do you have? It could be a book that youve read recently or something that has stayed with you over the years.

Adair (49:29.39)
Yeah, I love reading. So I have lots of books. If youre watching this, you see lots of books behind me and Ive got a lot more at home. A few things have really been an important part of my journey over the last several years. The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer and The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Amazing, amazing books.

Adair (49:59.696)
Ive been really into human design this year. So theres a human design book that I love by Jenna Zoe. Im also very much in the rabbit hole of Gene Keys by Richard Rudd, which is a spinoff of human design. And these are both tools, individualized tools. So Mickey Singers work can help anybody, anywhere with anything.
because it is all about living in the moment and surrendering to whatever is put in front of us.
And the human design and the gene keys are really around our own individual nature and how we come into this world and the soul journey that were on and how we can stop fighting against that and start working with it to become our highest and best selves. So Ill leave it at that. Theres a lot more I could say, but those are some of my favorites right now.

Aderonke (50:58.488)
Thank you. And is there anything else? Do you have any final thoughts?

Adair (51:04.56)
Well, Ill just say, you know, Im on a quest to reduce suffering in the world and increase joy.
And I keep this Post-It note on my desk that says, the number one source of suffering is resisting the present moment. And so Ill leave your listeners with that, that, you know, when we are resisting the present moment. And I have a lot of practice with this, so I can tell you it is true. And you can assess if its true in your own life. yeah, it can be really profound for us to welcome whatever is in front of us right now with open arms and with love, no matter what it is.

Aderonke (51:52.542)
Dear Kate, thank you so much. And the three appreciation nuggets that Im going to take away, and I wrote lots as you were talking.

Adair (51:55.004)
Youre welcome.

Aderonke (52:11.564)
When you have a value system, we have to be willing to commit to it. Another is...
If you want to shift something, notice your breath.

Aderonke (52:29.838)
And I think my biggest takeaway, and its a very simple statement, you are on a quest. And those are the three appreciation nuggets that Im taking away from our conversation today. I truly appreciate you taking the time to join me on Heart of the Matter, a podcast dedicated to asking overwhelmingly positive questions as we uncover incredible stories of people you may know.
Adair, thank you for your time.

Adair (53:06.012)
Youre welcome. This was a wonderful interview. Thank you.