S2 Ep6. The Love Drum Philosophy with Jessica Lightbourne

In this powerful episode, Aderonke Bademosi Wilson sits down with Jessica Lightbourne, a coach, mother, and advocate for love-driven living. Jessica shares her journey of resilience, authenticity, and the transformative power of choosing love over fear.

One of the core philosophies that Jessica lives by is what she calls The Love Drum Philosophy. She defines herself as a lover, emphasizing love as her core value. For Jessica, love is about wholehearted living, blending spirituality, creativity, and compassion. She explains, "Love means choosing courage, authenticity, and passion—even when fear arises."

Motherhood has been one of Jessica's greatest teachers. Raising her 22-year-old daughter has helped her develop commitment, emotional intelligence, and the ability to balance freedom with responsibility. As she reflects on her journey, she shares, "Motherhood showed me love is showing up—even when it’s uncomfortable."

Jessica's transition from a legal career to coaching was a pivotal moment in her life. Now, as a coach, she helps others align with their values and live authentically. Her father, a natural coach, was a major influence on her decision to pursue this path. She describes coaching as "loving, listening, and asking: Are you choosing love or fear?"

Throughout her life, Jessica has faced and overcome many challenges. Her time in Cuba, where she handwashed clothes and took bucket baths, along with caring for her ailing father, taught her resilience. She also fulfilled her father's dream of visiting South Africa’s Robben Island. In her words, “Leadership is living your vision despite circumstances.”

Entrepreneurship has also been a significant part of Jessica's journey. Leaving her 9-to-5 job took courage, but it was supported by community and faith. Her non-negotiables now are journaling, particularly her morning pages, and staying physically active. As she puts it, “Confidence comes from doing brave things—you build evidence you won’t die.”

Jessica also shares her vision for the future, where artificial intelligence (AI) is infused with love, equity, and diversity. She urges that we input compassion into AI systems to counteract bias, asking, “How can we skew AI toward humanity? Start by choosing love in every interaction.”

Jessica's journey and insights are filled with wisdom. Some of her most notable quotes include: "My limitation has not limited me," "Confidence comes from doing the brave thing," "Declarations are magic—your brain can’t tell reality from fiction," and "Entrepreneurship is a faith walk."

For those seeking inspiration, Jessica recommends the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, a guide to reclaiming creativity and self-discovery through 12 transformative steps.

Takeaways from Jessica’s conversation include choosing love daily by replacing fear with passion and ego with spirit, declaring your intentions with specific goals to manifest change, prioritizing self-care through journaling and movement to sustain energy and clarity, and leading with humanity by infusing technology and relationships with empathy.

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Transcript

Aderonke (00:01.806)

Welcome to another edition of ABWilson's Heart of the Matter, a podcast that uses overwhelmingly positive questions to learn about our guests, where every episode uncovers extraordinary stories of triumph, growth, and empowerment. Hi, I'm Aderonke Bademosi Wilson, and my guest on today's show is Jessica Lightbourne. Jessica is a mother, lover, coach. Jessica.

Welcome to the show.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (00:32.962)

Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be here.

Aderonke (00:36.696)

And so Jessica, let's start with your descriptors. And I'm going straight in for lover. We'll come back to mother. We'll look at coach. Tell me about being a lover.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (00:49.166)

I think since I have become an entrepreneur, I've been encouraged by my coaches, my mentors, the people who know me to bang the love drum because that's the essence of who I am. It's what I've been taught through my family. there's probably many, many interpretations and I feel I fit the bill on all of them. So ultimately, one of my core values is love, being a loving person.

So from a spiritual perspective, I'm a very spiritual person. I believe that there's only two choices ever, love or fear. none, neither is wrong, but one is way more powerful. And so I bang my love drum wherever I go. When I think about the greats, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, my father.

They also were banging the love drum because they knew that there is no other alternative. So from the perspective of love, love to me means wholehearted living, living from passion, creativity, wellbeing, compassion, authenticity. And so when I think about being a lover, it has everything to do with choosing love, choosing even courage sometimes. The root of courage is...

which is heart, which connects to love as well. And then, you know, if anybody's ever been to me as a coach or a trainer, they know that there's a naughty risque part of me that likes to talk about the sensual side of life. And so from that perspective as well, I am a human being who enjoys the sensual parts of life as well.

So in every sense of the word, I am a lover.

Aderonke (02:48.088)

Wow, I like your statement, bang the love drum. I hadn't heard of that. And that sounds, I can almost picture it. You just continuing a steady beat of love.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (03:05.846)

Yeah, I think sometimes I feel like it's despite myself. There are times where I'd like to come from a different energy because I'm afraid or I'm defensive or I'm in my ego. And despite myself, my programming is choose love, choose it anyway, choose it anyway. In fact, I don't even think it's a choice anymore. I think it's just part of my DNA now.

Aderonke (03:36.374)

And so going on to your other descriptors, mother, tell me about being a mother. What does that look like for you?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (03:45.294)

Being a mother, speaking of love, has been my greatest teacher of what love actually is. Love looks different every day. I have one daughter, she's going to be 22 on Saturday. And I always tell her I have one because I did it right the first time.

you know, when she was little, it just felt so natural to be a mother. I'm very, because I'm a creative and because my parents were creatives, there's something about small children and their lenses that just make the world magical. And, you know, I'm here for that. So it was just, it just felt easy. It felt natural. That type of love was all about creativity and being free and creating magical moments.

And then as my daughter grew, I learned a new type of love, which has everything to do with commitment, showing up, emotional intelligence. So I was thinking about, know, I used to get really annoyed when people would say, oh, you're a girl, you have a girl, you're a mother of a girl, wait till she becomes a teenager, poor you. And I used to get angry and think it was sexist and I'm a feminist and how could you talk about women that way? And then...

The reality is the hormones are real. That is science. And two hormonal women or two hormonal females in one house is real. I think living in the world that we live in, it is normal that in addition to the hormones that are fluctuating and synchronizing and not synchronizing impact life.

Aderonke (05:09.498)

you

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (05:35.95)

And also in the lifestyle that we have, all, we are anxious beings. We are beings that, you know, need to manage our mental health and all those kinds of things. My daughter has taught me how to take a time out. So I joke a lot of times and say, you know, there came a time where, you know, I was going to do some things that were...

nothing like my character. They were definitely not loving because children know how to push your buttons. And because my daughter and I have been so close, she knows exactly what buttons to push. There's nothing like a child to trigger all your buttons. But she taught me how to go and take a time out. She taught me how to manage myself on a new level. And most importantly, I'm saying all of this to say she taught me how to love and show up in times where

I didn't want to, but I was committed to her. Love to me after mothering 22 years is showing up commitment, doing the thing anyway, setting aside the ego.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (06:53.464)

being brave, sitting in discomfort, using tools and words and feelings and emotions that I never would have because of the commitment that I have to her. I know that that's sort of, to sort of ground the conversation, you know, both she and I have struggled with our mental health. And so there have been times where...

Aderonke (07:06.874)

Thank

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (07:19.246)

kind of didn't want to handle it, but I had to because who else was going to? And also, in the most recent years, as our kids start dating and we may not approve or we may not think they're making the best choices. A couple of summers ago, I lost my darn mind trying to remind her who we are as a family and what choices we make as a family.

and probably scared her and my partner and myself because the commitment that I have to her wellbeing and her future made me just pull out all the tools I didn't even know I had. Yeah. So that was my long way of saying motherhood has taught me about love on another level.

Aderonke (08:10.33)

And so how do you pull all of that, your love, your being a lover, a mother, with being a coach as you've defined yourself?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (08:20.14)

Yeah, I guess the theme is really love because being a coach to me, oftentimes I remind myself that sometimes the magic of coaching has nothing. you know, I'm distilling it down to two things, which is really showing up to love and to listen. think coaching is so valuable. mean, there's a there's a book called The Prosperous Coach.

And I can't remember the name of the author right now, but the whole premise of, you know, the whole thesis of this book is, you know, what you really need to do. You don't need to market, you don't need a website, you don't need all the fancy things. All you need to do is show up and have a life-changing conversation in a beautiful space. And it's really about connection. Why am I saying that? So he was saying, you know,

There's value in showing up to your neighborhood lamp post, light post once a week. If you did that once a week and just talk to this lamp post once a week for an hour, there'd be value in that because you're taking time to reflect. You're taking time to process. You're taking time to strategize and troubleshoot. So imagine the power of doing that with another human being who is open.

who is caring and who is fully present for you. And so a lot of times when I come to the space as a coach, I oftentimes just remind myself, I'm loving and listening. That's all I'm doing. I'm showing up, I'm loving and listening. When I say listening, it's listening on every level, on a deeper level. It's not just looking and hearing, but it's listening to what's not being said, looking at body language.

Aderonke (09:59.096)

and

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (10:13.954)

looking at what's not being done as much as I'm looking at what is being done. And so to me, there's no greater experience than for somebody else to be present for you, open, non-judgmental with love. And again, I then get to pose the question to my clients, are you choosing love or are you choosing fear? Are you choosing passion or are you?

choosing anxiety? Are you choosing ego or are you choosing spirit? Right? These are simple questions, but when you are put at choice, you are then put in a powerful position. And to me, that's love.

Aderonke (10:56.708)

So the question that bubbles up for me is, have you always been a coach or did you gradually, ultimately, eventually move into that space?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (11:06.946)

I have not always been a coach. Although, so when I was a kid, there was no such thing as as far as I knew there was no such thing as a coach. And I think the closest thing to a coach when I was a teenager was probably something like a diversity trainer or something like that. Or, you know, maybe there was organizational development, but I didn't know anything about that. When I was when I was a teenager, I wanted to be either a teacher or a counselor.

All the aptitude tests sort of said that I was somebody who cared about society and who cared about people. But both of my parents were teachers and my mother dissuaded me from going down that path because as much as it was her vocation and she was amazing, I think she struggled financially and she didn't want me to have to do the same.

So I became a lawyer. In fact, I didn't want to be a lawyer. I wanted to be a Broadway star, but it was more practical and financially prudent to become a lawyer. And so I did. And so before I became a coach, I was a lawyer. And what I like to say though is that my father was a coach before I think there was knowledge of what a coach was.

he was just naturally that person. And so I think I had a great model in coaching, before there was even, widespread understanding of what a coach was. And now that I'm sort of processing out loud coaching actually started in the 1950s, I think. and it was founded by a financial advisor. And so what he found was, yes, I'm advising on money, but ultimately.

I am talking to people about the types of life they want to live. And so you cannot talk about money without talking about dreams and goals and aspirations. And so while I think there were a few privileged, obviously wealthy people and probably folks in the C-suite who happened to in that time and in this time mostly be white men, they're the ones who have

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (13:32.614)

benefited from being a coach. I know that was a long answer to your question, but you can tell I'm very passionate about the topic.

Aderonke (13:44.388)

So I'm going back to the questions that I usually ask. Jessica, please share three interesting things about yourself that our listeners may not know and friends will be surprised to learn.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (14:01.294)

Yeah, one of the first things I thought of was the fact that I had lived in Cuba. So I think what might be surprising about that is the fact that I lived in Cuba like a Cuban. I didn't go there with a whole pile of money. I was a student. I had just gotten married to my, at the time, Cuban husband. And he was very much a socialist and very much

someone who felt if I was coming from my privileged position into the Cuban life that I need to live like a Cuban. I'm not better than them and I need to live, they live that way, then I should live that way too. And so, you know, I washed clothes by hand and I didn't have a computer or a telephone or a TV. I was a housewife. was picking, washing rice and picking stones out of it and having bucket baths and living a very different life.

a style from anything that I had ever been used to and struggled with it. It wasn't as if it were something that I would have intentionally chosen for myself, but I have lived quite a different lifestyle and I think that would be surprising to a lot of people.

I think one of the things that would also be surprising to my friends is that while I am very expressive and very vulnerable and I disclose a lot of information to a lot of people very quickly, I'm actually very shy and I do struggle a lot to share quite a bit of myself, the deepest parts of myself, even though my brand is

all about vulnerability. There are so many spaces inside of me that haven't yet been expressed. And I think that might be surprising to everyone.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (16:08.106)

And I think the other one I kind of talked about a little bit before, which is really deep down inside, I just wanna be a Broadway star.

Aderonke (16:15.96)

Hahaha.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (16:18.696)

all I want. And so I think that might be surprising to a lot

Aderonke (16:26.18)

How long did you live in Cuba?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (16:29.006)

I lived in Cuba just for about half a year, but I always say it was just over four months, but it felt like four years because it was probably the, I mean, we might talk about it a little bit later, but it was probably one of the hardest times of my life living there for many.

Aderonke (16:46.956)

And do you speak fluent Spanish?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (16:49.954)

I wouldn't say fluent, but as my ex-husband used to say, I can defend myself. So yeah, I can carry a conversation and I can express myself adequately. And I probably was closer to fluency way back then, which was in the early 2000s. I mean, I'm very rusty.

Aderonke (17:14.682)

And so I'm a big champion of people living their dreams and moving in that direction. And you've mentioned being a Broadway star twice. What are you doing? What are you doing to move in that direction? Is that still a desire? And the reason I ask that, because if it's still a desire, I'm curious to know how and if you're moving in that direction.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (17:27.799)

I'm

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (17:45.462)

Yeah, I'm not sure if I have the aspirin. I mean, now as almost 50 year old, I'm inching there or maybe sort of maybe it's not even inching. I'm getting there. I think my perspective of what it means to be a Broadway star, know, the reality of what that means eight days a week. I don't know if I have the stamina for that, but I think the essence of that is really that.

I love music, I love musicals, and I feel most free and blissful in that space. Even especially as an observer, especially as a consumer, and also as someone who really loves music and loves to sing and dance. So my hobby that I'm focusing on this year is playing the piano.

by ear fluently, specifically gospel and musicals. It was something that my father could do. so, and my mother in some not. So my father played by ear, my mother's sight, right? They both taught piano. And it was such a magical childhood being able to be accompanied by them while I sang. And so I'd like to do that for myself. So I'm kind of like have aspirations of

being like Nina Simone or Diana Kroll, or singing and playing piano at the same time. So my goal for this year is by the end of the year to play quite well. I play the piano, but to play by ear in a fluid way. Because it's been on my list for years. I wish, I wish, I wish. And it's like, OK, well, there's no time like the present. And then.

The rest of it is really just seeing as much Broadway as possible and supporting my daughter's dreams now. She is very much, I'm very much living vicariously through her, hopefully with no pressure because she is now a playwright and an actor and really immersed in everything theater. And so I get to live my dreams through her as well.

Aderonke (20:09.187)

Hmm

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (20:09.282)

which sounds very unhealthy, but you know, but it's the truth. It's the truth. was just like, I'm going to do, I'm going to watch musicals and play the piano in my house. And that's about it. And this last year I had, I have my own coach and I was talking about doing something for my birthday and I didn't end up doing it this year, but my intention is to do it this year, which is have like a cabaret show, private cabaret show with all my musical talented friends. So.

The flavor is there. I'm not trying to do an eight day a week for years on end stint on Broadway. I'd rather just go and watch and be moved that way now.

Aderonke (20:50.948)

Well, if and when you do your show, please, please invite me. love to be an audience member. Let me be clear. I will be in the audience cheering you on. So please, please invite me.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (20:55.342)

Okay.

Okay, alright I will. Absolutely I will.

Aderonke (21:09.442)

And so Jessica, can you tell us about a recent accomplishment or success that you're particularly proud of?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (21:17.742)

Yeah, I sort of toyed with this as well. And I think the most, the thing that I'm most proud of right now is having quit my nine to five and gone on the entrepreneurial journey full time. Because I think up until very recently, I didn't think of myself as a risk taker, quite the opposite. I thought of myself as a risk averse person.

If you had told me 10 years, 20 years ago that I would take such a big leap, I would have just laughed. I would have fallen off my chair. And so I'm very proud of that because I do think it takes a huge level of intention and courage and community actually, like connection and faith. I talk about faith a lot.

I believe entrepreneurship requires a huge level of faith. It's a faith walk in my eyes. Faith in a higher force, faith in community and faith in oneself, confidence. And I'm really proud because I've struggled with a sense of worthiness. I've struggled with self-esteem and confidence for many, many, years.

And I think what people, a lot of people, not everybody, don't understand sometimes is that confidence comes from doing the brave thing or the uncomfortable thing. And so it's like this vicious cycle of I'm too afraid and I don't believe in myself enough and so then I won't. And what actually happens is when you do.

that is when you build that confidence, you have evidence that I would say you didn't die and something really beautiful has happened. And so I'm most proud of being brave enough to believe in myself and be on this journey and not die and still pay my bills.

Aderonke (23:37.988)

So anybody that's listening and maybe considering becoming an entrepreneur, what steps did you take in order to prepare to make that leap?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (23:52.888)

Cool. Yeah, that's a great question.

So the steps that I took, think initially a step that I didn't know that I was taking was really immersing myself in into what I was passionate about and that happens to be coaching. So I spent many years, I've been a coach for almost 11 years, but I've only very recently become a full-time coach. And so I think part of it was really,

honing my craft. And again, that wasn't intentional. It was just sort of following my bliss, following my passion. And then the next thing was making sure that I had some kind of evidence that I could make a living doing this. So there were about two or three years before I took the leap that actually gave me the courage to take the leap because I started

partnering with people who were doing the same thing, building some things in community, to the point where I had evidence that it wasn't too far of a stretch for me to do this on a full-time basis. And again, it was practicing these new skills, especially the business skills, because I had the coaching skills. It was the learning about what does it mean to be a business person? What are the things that I need to consider?

having more visibility, that was something that was counter to anything that I knew or wanted, but realized that that was absolutely a part of being an entrepreneur, being a business person. And so I think becoming more visible and to be honest, and I do this with my clients a lot, I made a declaration. a declaration is one of five,

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (25:55.128)

linguistic acts that we do all the time, but we don't realize we're doing them. And it's very powerful. So like if you're in a church and they say, I'm going to, I'm claiming this, that's making a declaration. And the declaration really is a what by when. So what are you going to create and by when are you going to create it? So it's very similar to a smart goal, but much more sort of distilled. And so I made a declaration a year before I left my job that

the next year I would be leaving and that I would be handing in my notice. Not only did I declare that that's what I was gonna do, but I declared the way in which I would do it. So for me, it meant that I was going to be leaving with dignity, with all relationships intact, and just proud, proud of myself. I've left jobs with my head hung low and I didn't want that. And so...

For me, that declaration that what by when is actually more powerful than any evidence, than any plan, than any stats, than any practice or experience because the practice of saying what you're going to do and by when, it feels like magic, but it's not. Your brain can't tell the difference between reality and fiction.

What happens is you start seeing all the pieces that make it possible. And so I would say make a declaration. Once you make a declaration, you're going to start moving in that direction. And the universe is going to rise up to support you. Be intentional.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (27:45.206)

and do it in community. Don't try and do it on your own. Network, network, network, and partner, partner, partner. And just remember that there's enough sunshine for everybody.

Aderonke (27:59.61)

Yes, I do agree with that, that there is abundance. There is abundance, there is plenty, there is plenty, there is more than enough for everybody. And even if two people seem as though they're asking of the same thing, they're looking at it from two different perspectives, so they will get enough based on their views and their perspective. And I truly believe that.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (28:28.302)

Yeah, I've experienced it, you know, in those moments where I'm just like, know, so many people, especially, you know, in a living in a small community on a small island saying, well, aren't you afraid that, you know, if you, you know, you support or you teach that, you know, it's gonna the market's gonna be saturated. And I'm thinking, I'm not playing that finite game. I'm playing an infinite game. I'm, I, we're all doing the same thing. My vision is for all of us to be like shifting the whole.

Aderonke (28:50.786)

Mm-mm.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (28:58.626)

sort of consciousness, universal consciousness, right? Like it's a different game I'm playing.

Aderonke (29:06.394)

And so Jessica, tell us about a time when you made a difference in another's life. What were the circumstances? Paint a picture for me.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (29:17.848)

I've probably mentioned my father about five times already, but I think that's probably one that I'm most proud of in terms of making a difference. My father, just a couple of years before he passed away, really struggled with his health. He struggled with his health for a long time. He was a diabetic. He didn't have the greatest sort of healthy lifestyle.

And so I had lost my mom in 2015 and then I could see that my dad's health was declining. And I was already grieving my mom, but I started this grieving process with my father as well because I could see that his health was declining and I was like, I don't want to lose him too. And so I said to him, I knew that he had a dream of going to South Africa. He had never been and he,

He was very active in the anti-apartheid movement, both when he was a student in London and then when he came home to Bermuda when he was a young adult, right up until when I was a teenager when apartheid, the system was dismantled and Nafsa Mandela was freed and became the president. For all that time, he was in the struggle. And I knew that, you know,

going to South Africa and going to Robben Island was a dream of his to the point where he had written, I mean, he had a tattoo of Nelson Mandela's prison number on his arm, which I was disgusted with the fact that he was tattooing himself, but that was a whole other, I mean, I love tattoos, just, I don't know, I just had sort of, I don't know, I kept on thinking of, you know.

the Holocaust and all of those things. Anyway, that's a whole other conversation. And so what I said to him was, dad, like, I'm really concerned about your health. I want to take you to South Africa, but I'm not going to take you unless you're well enough to go. And so it really motivated him. And he started doing some personal training with a trainer and all these kinds of things. And he was getting fitter and everything. And then

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (31:41.612)

He ended up going to Cuba because his wife was Cuban as well. And he was working out in Cuba, really motivated and came back. And then for some reason he was demotivated. He said he wanted his Cuban trainer, but that was not possible at that time. They were in different countries. Anyway, his health started to decline again, but I had already bought the tickets. And I took him with me when I bought the tickets. And my dad was a brown skin.

you know, black man, and I had never seen him. His cheeks were so hot and red with excitement. I'd never seen him blush. I, he was, it was just palpable. So, you know, just the anticipation of going was really moving. I could tell that he was so excited. So by the time it was time to go, his health was not great, but I didn't have the heart to tell him we're not going. I could see that this was, this was it. This was.

bucket list, top of bucket list. And so we went, I took my daughter and I took him and his health was really bad at this point. I don't want to preserve his dignity. I won't go into all of the details, but it was a very challenging trip for us. And to the point where...

I ended up having to buy him a wheelchair, we had very, it's a long way from Bermuda to South Africa. And so there were struggles within continents and those kinds of things. And I also feel like his mental capabilities and things were shifting in terms of his personality. And in retrospect, I think he was at the early stages of dementia and perhaps possibly Parkinson's.

but it was so early that he wasn't diagnosed yet. And this long, long plane ride to South Africa, I was struggling. I was embarrassed, I was struggling. I think I was angry. went through all kinds of emotions of grief. And I didn't think he noticed because his personality had been changing. And so I was sitting there in the plane.

Aderonke (33:44.282)

Hmm.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (34:07.79)

and trying to breathe, trying to be still, tears streaming down my face. And he just put his hand on my hand and just like patted my hand. He could see, he could see how much it was struggling. But I'm saying all this to say, when we got to South Africa and when we got to Robben Island and the way that he...

just the joy that he had and the connection that he had and the camaraderie and the conversation that he was having with the tour guide who happened to be a former prisoner in Robben Island. And then the sort of long walk to freedom in the wheelchair, which was significant as well because his partner as I grew up was Margaret Carter, who was also a

really important activist in Bermudian history, it just made it sweeter. And so as I talk, I'm thinking, gosh, maybe this was my life changing moment. But I know that it was a dream fulfilled for him. And what we didn't know was that about, I don't know, six months later, he would pass in an accident. And so...

I truly believe that it was life-changing for him to have lived his dream.

Aderonke (35:41.878)

So Jessica, as you were talking, I went through a range of emotions myself, just listening to you because I knew your father. And as you know, he was the original host for this show, which is now podcast, Heart of the Matter. And I asked him,

to be the host for this radio program that I created. And he said, yes. And so listening to your story brought out a range of emotions for me because not only did I know your father and have great admiration and respect for him, I thought about my own journey with my mother who...

had Parkinson's and we as a family worked together to support her. And I do know that I did one trip with her and it was, it wasn't as long a trip, but we did have our challenges on that trip. And so I do have a level of understanding.

in terms of caring for an aging parent who is not in the best of health. So thank you so much for sharing your story.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (37:21.09)

Thank you. Thank you for creating this space.

Aderonke (37:29.058)

And so when you look back on that experience, what were the key strengths and qualities you relied on to make a difference?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (37:42.22)

I think the key strengths and qualities that I relied on.

where my deep, deep...

value, core value of family and deep, deep core value of love and commitment to the people who I love. Probably patience and creativity as well, I think. But I also think connection. So one of the people who I, we visited a couple of people who I had become friends with when I was

a a teenager, I attended the United World College of the Atlantic in Wales and have this amazing network of people all over the world now, friends. And I think my ability to connect and this amazing network really supported me as well because I my friend Masuda there and her

Her doctor husband was there and so they helped me a lot as well. So I think my ability to request help was a quality that was supportive. And one of my strengths also is...

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (39:16.53)

is being a visionary and so I was very much connected to the dream. And I think being connected to the vision was very much a part of

Aderonke (39:44.026)

Thank you. So can you recall a situation where you overcame a challenge that led to personal growth? What did you learn from that experience?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (39:59.842)

Yeah, I think.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (40:04.238)

What I think probably one of the greatest examples is my time in Cuba. because it was a time where I was experiencing a number of things, I was a newlywed. So that in and of itself brings a whole pile of learnings and growth. I was living in a new country with a new language, with a new culture. So there was the culture shock of that. And

Then on top of that, really lacking any form of communication to the outside world. And I didn't have a job and there's, you I didn't even have a key to my house. So that's a whole nother long story. And because of that, because I had no television, no telephone, no computer, no job, no community, no real language skills.

It was really one of the toughest times of my life. And it's funny because I had struggled to read the autobiography of Malcolm X for years. It was something that I wanted to do. And I managed to do it while I was there because there wasn't much else to do. And I'm glad that I did. But I think what the qualities that helped me to overcome that.

or to survive and I wouldn't say thrive, think it was survive, was...

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (41:43.054)

think one of them was a level of pride that I actually don't think is a strength, it's probably a weakness. But I think the flip side of that is, or sort of the light side and the shadow side of pride is, the light side of it is this level of commitment and this level of doing what you said you were going to do.

regardless of circumstances, which actually to me is leadership. When you live the vision despite circumstances, I would never have said that before, but when I think about it now, there was a level of leadership and commitment and attachment to my yes that helped me to get through it.

And my creativity as well, like there came a point where I lived in this very small house and my husband was working, he worked at the university as a lecturer and I'd spend all day there and the only sort of beings that were around were animals, chicks when I was hanging out the laundry on the roof and

And stray cats who in Cuba are considered like vermin, that I'd feed rationed milk to, much to the chagrin of everyone, because that was reserved for children and elderly. And then to the sheer horror of my mother-in-law ended up having kittens in the kitchen. But that level of, I started to like communicate with these animals, lizards.

And so I'm saying that to say, I think there's a level of creativity and a level of...

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (43:44.824)

resilience that I didn't know I had.

Aderonke (43:48.57)

Thank you.

You are listening to A.B. Wilson's Heart of the Matter podcast. Welcome back to A.B. Wilson's Heart of the Matter. My guest today is Jessica Lightborne. Jessica, we have had an incredible conversation and thank you for being open and sharing and your vulnerability.

What self-care practices or strategies help you to sustain your energy and motivation while navigating your journey?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (44:30.318)

I thought about this. So I'm probably the self-care queen, I have two. So I could, I could be here all day talking about self-care and to me it's leader care as well. But I have two non-negotiables. actually I probably have more than two, but the two that I say are my non-negotiables are journaling. I do morning pages. I do like a flow of consciousness and a lot of journaling actually, as part of my practice, from

gratitude to flow of consciousness to spiritual devotional reflection and affirmations. So writing every day, connecting to myself, a reflective practice in that way. And the other is moving my body. like movement, exercise, those are my two non-negotiables. mean, scientifically it's shown that exercise is the number one way to be happy and well.

psychologically and physically. So that's a non-negotiable. And then reflective practice. And for me, that also includes that these aren't the non-negotiables, although I think they kind of are, which is having a coach and having a therapist. So getting supported, those are my main ones.

those are the ones that every day when I do those things it feels like magic I just sail through.

Aderonke (45:58.338)

I'm just looking around. I think just out of my camera's view is one, two, three, one, two, three, four, five, six, and a little one. Notebooks that I have and more in my house. I have a bookcase in my dining room and I have books, but I also have little notebooks.

which I buy because they're beautiful, they have a really great feel, leather feel, or just a really great tactile sensation with the view that I'm a journal, I'm a journal. Because if the book's beautiful and the pen flows smoothly across the page, then of course you'll be invited to journal. So...

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (46:50.094)

You

Aderonke (46:55.62)

Jessica, how do you do it? Like give me practical steps because I want to, I have a book in my house, gratitude. And I will say I did fill that book. I did it last year. I filled it with words of gratitude, acts of things that I was grateful for. And my goal this year was to continue that. And I even have the book for it.

beautiful gratitude book that I got. I'm not quite sure what stops me. I don't, and it's usually because I get up early and I get straight to work. Part of it is I've stopped drinking coffee. So I used to write when I was drinking my coffee and that coffee has gone away and maybe temporarily, maybe permanently, I'm not sure. But because that trigger has gone, I haven't been writing.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (47:32.202)

the

Aderonke (47:55.394)

And so for people like me who have great intent and great intentions and want to do it or even just have been thinking about it, what steps, given that it's a non-negotiable for you, what steps do you go through to journal and to make it a part of your everyday existence?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (48:18.894)

That's a great question.

think you're already onto something there. You had a ritual that you had that you then joined to another ritual that you had, which is a great way to start a habit. So I think when I think about you personally, I'm wondering, ooh, what could be another hot drink that is still in alignment with your goals that you could substitute with the coffee? Because obviously, coffee is off the menu right now or maybe forever.

So that's part of it is sort of like, okay, what is your ritual that you already have? Because there's still some habits that you have. Maybe it's that you brush your teeth in the morning. I don't know what other things you do, but maybe habits stacking there, first of all, is important. For me, I have a visual nudge of my, kind of, I carry my journal around the house with me. So sometimes it's like.

next to my bed, sometimes it's on my coffee table, but it's never far from me. So I think that's part of it as well, is having it out, having a pen and the journal out as a visual nudge. And then I think also, I think part of it also, I'm really curious, I'd love to like, ask you some questions about, okay, so things like...

The prompt journaling is dot, dot, dot. So when I say journaling, what comes up for you? What do you think about when I say, Adoronke, you have to journal now. What journaling is?

Aderonke (49:46.34)

journey.

Aderonke (50:00.142)

What?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (50:01.292)

work! Who wants to do that?

Aderonke (50:03.362)

Yeah! It is!

Wow, wow.

Aderonke (50:15.244)

Yeah, it's funny, right? It's funny. When you said you carry your journal around the house with you, I carry my Kindle around the house with me. It's the weirdest thing. It's like wherever I am last, that's where my Kindle is. And I pick it up. If I'm going from the kitchen to my bedroom, I pick it up and I take it with me. No matter what. It's the weird, I'm like, why do I need to carry this? It blows my mind, but I don't stop because

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (50:28.277)

You

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (50:39.63)

You

Aderonke (50:45.163)

I find a minute right here to read the next bit of my book. Okay, keep going.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (50:53.646)

Yeah. So I mean, and what, and your Kindle is what? Kindles are dot, dot, dot.

Aderonke (51:03.706)

Kindles are, my Kindle is an entry into another world, into a realm of discovery of what happens next in this character's life, in this world, in this pretend world, maybe real world, but in this world that has been created initially on paper, but now electronically that I have an inst-

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (51:08.086)

Kindle is.

Aderonke (51:32.174)

See, I can wax poetic, clearly.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (51:35.758)

Right, and you feel the energy as well, right? It's like, this is pleasure, this is adventure, this is a whole other world that I get to explore.

Aderonke (51:47.426)

And I don't see that way with journaling. Wow.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (51:51.852)

What would be possible if journaling was an adventure, a whole new entryway into this world? What would be possible if this was part of you documenting your hero's journey as the protagonist of this? Yeah. Yes.

Aderonke (52:11.962)

My hero's journey and I'm the hero. I'm the center of my...

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (52:16.078)

You're the, yes, you are this, this hero of this adventure.

Aderonke (52:22.66)

Hmm. Hmm. Okay. All right. I will take this on. Thank you. I will take this on and maybe, maybe, maybe put my Kindle and my journal together and pick them up at the same time.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (52:40.076)

Yes. Yes. And is there a way that you could, I don't know if there's a way to churnal in the Kindle, but if there's a way, no. Okay, so perhaps, Okay. It's books. Yeah. I think, well, it makes sense. Yeah, maybe like a rubber band or a folder where everything goes in it together. Or maybe it's like a little, like start small is what I say. Baby steps count. Maybe it's like a little post-it.

Aderonke (52:48.462)

No, my Kindle is paper white, so it's very... It just gives you the book and that's it. I don't need anything else in there.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (53:09.684)

note, you know, or a postcard and you just do a little, or maybe it's a bullet, you know, I don't know you've heard of bullet journals. Yeah. I mean, and one that came up, so I'm doing this experience called the Lux Life experience right now, we've been talking about nudges and measurements and goals and those kinds of things. And there was a brilliant one where somebody had created like a colouring page.

Aderonke (53:17.882)

got one. Trust me, I've got all the journals.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (53:37.462)

And every time they lost a pound, they'd color in a little portion. It was almost like a mosaic colored in a portion of that. So for example, I could see you taking your beautiful photography, pixelating it. And then maybe it's like either coloring it in or maybe writing a one word of one thing that you're grateful for. Or I don't know, the opportunities are endless. It doesn't have to be the way anybody tells you to do it. It really is.

To me, journaling is a moment, A, to connect with yourself, B, to note some things and maybe sometimes even solve some issues or be fully present to what is happening and then fully at choice to what's gonna happen next. But there's no rules about that. The book is the structure.

and then everything else is freedom.

Aderonke (54:39.49)

Hmm, Jessica, thank you. I'll let you know how I make out. I'll let you know how I make out and find another, maybe a tea, I'll have to find a tea that I like that can substitute for my coffee when I give myself permission to journal and think the way I did.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (54:46.134)

Yes, please do!

Aderonke (55:07.074)

last year when I was doing my gratitude journal. So thank you. will let you know. And I think you've given listeners an opportunity to find a way who may want to journal, may want to start journaling a way to do it. So thank you. Wow. Wow.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (55:24.886)

You're very welcome.

Aderonke (55:30.01)

And so moving on to our next question, how might sharing your experience of success and growth create a positive ripple effect in your family, community, the world?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (55:45.582)

Yeah, I mean, this is what I'm living for is a very, it sounds simple, but it's clearly not, shift from anxiety to passion and from fear to love. And so that, I always see it with my daughter where when she goes on this road less traveled, looking to make it in New York, in the theater world.

When you're a child of a coach, nothing is impossible. It's not, you make a declaration and then the universe comes and supports you. And I think that's true for my family. Not that it's perfect. And I see that choosing love is the only choice when it comes to family, when it comes to community, when it comes to the world.

A lot of times that looks like bravery, especially in the world that we're living in now. Love is courage. And so the work that I do is, you know, is an inquiry as you do your work in terms of appreciative inquiry. This inquiry is the simple, are you choosing love or are you choosing fear? Are you choosing spirit? Are you choosing ego? Are you choosing...

Well-being, are you choosing run ragged? Are you choosing anxiety or are you choosing passion? And that is my work, is encouraging people to choose love because neither is right or wrong and we all do it, but certainly the most powerful and what I think is probably the most moral and ethical is love.

Aderonke (57:46.842)

What exciting opportunities do you see on the horizon? How do these opportunities align with your passions and aspirations?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (57:56.75)

Okay, watch me beat my love drum. A little bit more. So I think one of the things that I'm really excited about and interested in right now is the way that artificial intelligence, the way that generative AI is impacting our lives. This is a new rev, this is the AI, the age of AI, right? And so,

Aderonke (57:59.194)

Ha

Aderonke (58:02.596)

BLEH!

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (58:24.492)

To me, that can bring up a lot of anxiety for me and for most people, I think, because we as human beings, most of us, are resistant to change. And as we evolve and as the world evolves and as AI evolves, the only thing that we can expect more of is change and more rapid change. And so to me, that's exciting. So the flip side of any kind of...

anxiety inducing something is an opportunity. And so I see this as an opportunity to support human beings as we go through this rapid change. So what does that mean? That means that as these changes happen, as leaders, we as the leaders of our lives, as people are going to require another level of self-management and self-regulation.

could be as simple as learning how to meditate, learning how to journal, learning how to have more self-awareness and self-management so that we can not only survive these times but thrive in these times. The other side of that is the conversation about how do we enter information and energy into generative AI so that

It is biased towards love and unity and equity and diversity and belonging. These are machines and they're going to be as imperfect as we are. And we already know that there's bias because those who have created these systems are biased. And so all these systems of oppression are still

are being reflected in AI. So if I put in to one of these generative AI machines, create an illustration of a successful business person, it's usually gonna be a white man who shows up, right? Because white men are the ones who have created this. And similarly, I think because we are as humans,

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:00:49.016)

built to be anxious, I imagine that a lot of what we're inputting are worries and complaints and concerns and troubles and maybe even some hate and defensiveness and all the things that create wars and lack of peace. And so what would be possible if we inputted information into generative AI

that is coming from a place of equanimity, of peace, of love, of passion, of community, so that we're skewing and biasing a generative AI towards humanity and empathy and compassion and resolution and diversity and all of the things that I think are loving and powerful and important for.

humanity to survive and thrive. So these are the conversations, internal and external, that I'm having because I think it is an opportunity for us to...

create the future in partnership with AI.

Aderonke (01:02:09.604)

Jessica, I use AI quite a lot. I use it as a tool to, as a think partner, as a support tool to help me get my work done that much faster. I have never considered skewing it to love, to humanity, to equanimity as you have identified and

I think that's an admirable goal, right? I think that it gives us hope for long-term that we as humans can have love triumph in our favor, have it just be, and bring the tools that we're using along in that direction. And so,

Thank you. I think you've given me an opportunity to think about that. And I'm interested in hearing more about how you help that to manifest. Because now that we have an opportunity to think about it, we know that we can skew information, like statistics. my opinion, statistics can mean anything depending on how you look at it, depending on your perspective.

And so why not have this?

learning language model do the same for us. I know that when I talk to it, I always say, please and thank you. I don't know why, I don't know why, but I always say thank you, especially if I feel that the information that I've received is what I was looking for. I'll be like, thanks, this is good. And it'll come back, well, I'm glad I could do this. I stand ready to help you. Like we have limited, I limit my conversations, but we have limited conversations.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:03:50.414)

Thank

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:03:59.992)

Yeah.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:04:10.284)

Yes.

Aderonke (01:04:10.586)

And so why not have really great warm conversations if you're so inclined to help it learn that you can have those conversations?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:04:24.426)

Absolutely. That's the only way that it will.

Aderonke (01:04:28.696)

Hmm. Hmm. Thank you.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:04:31.066)

With my limited technical knowledge, that's what I do the same. Because it's really taking what we're giving it.

Aderonke (01:04:41.434)

And I do believe that we can influence, now that you have put this into my mind, I do believe that we can influence it because I've made my own one chat GPT around appreciative inquiry. And I told it to program itself because I wasn't going into the backend to program it. I went to a workshop where a big brain thinker was taking us behind.

into the programming and teaching us how to program. And I had no interest in that. But I said, well, if it's a learning machine, I can tell it to program itself. And that's what I did. I said, do this, this, this, and this. Program yourself so it's in your back end to do this for me. And it did it. And I could see it. said, thinking, thinking, thinking. And it did it. And so I was like,

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:05:34.475)

Amazing

Aderonke (01:05:36.994)

hey, I don't need to know how to program. I'm telling you to program yourself. And so if we can tell it to program itself, we can help it to learn love, understand love. I don't know if a machine can learn love. That's a different conversation, but it can be programmed to understand or, yeah.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:05:37.592)

You

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:05:47.715)

Yeah.

Aderonke (01:06:04.398)

I'll have to explore that a little bit more, but it can identify love, think, maybe.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:06:10.944)

I so. think, you know, what is probably what probably happens in machines is bias towards logic and reasoning and those kinds of things. And to me, that eliminates the heart. And I believe that what we need is more heart and humanity in in the world. And so there's got to be a way to to have criteria there.

And I think it sort of is a segue into the other opportunity that I see, which is as practitioners of change, as practitioners of what we think is progressive positive change is we don't need to have as much knowledge as we used to. We don't necessarily have to be the experts, but what is needed in this world now is more connection.

and more experiential spaces to create what people are calling friction so that we're providing that need of love and humanity. So no, we don't have to have know all of the history of organizational development or coaching, but what we do need is to show up with heart and energy and spirit so that we can influence

all of our experiences on this life with or without generative AI. So I see that as another opportunity. I see it as an opportunity to engage people in a new way because we need it more.

Aderonke (01:07:54.41)

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And if people are interested in working with you as their coach, how can they find you?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:08:05.442)

Yep, they can find me on jessicalightborn.com. That's why my website is jessicalightbornwithanee.com. And they can email me at coach at jessicalightborn.com. And I would be really happy to connect and just see what's possible. And everything's possible as far as I'm concerned.

Aderonke (01:08:30.346)

And we're coming to the end of our conversation. What book recommendations do you have? It could be a book that you've read recently or something that has stayed with you over the years.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:08:40.834)

Yeah, this is a book, I think I kind of alluded to it earlier, although I don't think I said the name. It's an oldie but goodie. I love oldies but goodies. I use this with my clients, I use it with my friends. I give it away, I used to have like a stack of them in my car. It's called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It's a book that was given to me by my father. You know, I'm clearly obsessed with my father.

And he was clearly obsessed with me as well. And he gave me this book, The Artist's Way. It's not just a book to read. It has concepts, but also lots of activities and tasks that the premise is that we are all creative, but sometimes we've had it sort of sucked out of us. But we are, as humans, are creative beings. And so it's a 12-step program to get to, for the recovering artists. And for me, it's...

It doesn't matter, you may be the art, your life may be the art, your food, your clothing, you don't have to have a medium like musical instrument or the pen, but it really is moving back to recovering your true self and your true power. The artist's way, I highly, highly, highly recommend it. I need to buy a few more to give away.

Aderonke (01:10:00.32)

Okay. And I've enjoyed our conversation, Jessica. Is there anything else? Do you have any final thoughts?

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:10:09.6)

you know, I just, guess my final thought is.

Just posing the question to your audience and to you, where in your life could you use a little more passion and a little less anxiety, a little more love, a little less fear, a little more spirit and a less ego? When you, and just encouraging you to choose love, choose courage, choose spirit, choose passion.

because it's a much more powerful and satisfying place to come from.

Aderonke (01:10:50.938)

Wonderful. Jessica, thank you so much. And I have some appreciation nuggets which I've highlighted.

Aderonke (01:11:08.666)

One of them, I think, is being brave enough to believe in yourself and to take the leap. That was one of the things you said. Another which resonated with me, when you make a declaration, the universe comes and supports you. And then you indicated your work is to encourage people to choose love.

And that is, I think, an underlying theme throughout our conversation. You have indicated that you are indeed a lover, and that has absolutely shunned through during our conversation, Jessica. So thank you so much for your time and for taking this opportunity to join me on A.B. Wilson's Heart of the Matter, a podcast.

dedicated to asking overwhelmingly positive questions as we uncover incredible stories of people you may know. Jessica Lightborn, thank you so much.

Coach Jessica Lightbourne, PCC (01:12:14.286)

Thank you so much.