S2 Ep21. The Power of Authenticity: Stories That Shape Us with Bolaji Sofoluwe

In this week's episode of ABWilson’s Heart of the Matter, host Aderonke Bademosi Wilson sits down with the inspiring Bolaji Sofoluwe for a rich and meaningful conversation about resilience, personal growth and the transformative power of authentic storytelling. This episode continues the podcast’s mission to uncover the extraordinary in everyday lives by exploring the pivotal moments that shape who we are.

Bolaji opens up about her journey of resilience, sharing deeply personal stories of overcoming adversity. Her reflections remind us that even our toughest challenges can serve as stepping stones toward transformation and strength.

As the conversation unfolds, moments of triumph shine through. Bolaji celebrates recent milestones and achievements, offering listeners a glimpse into the determination and positive mindset that propelled her forward.

Through these experiences, she reveals the lessons learned, insights gained from life’s twists and turns that emphasize the power of self-awareness, grit, and the courage to keep going.

In true Heart of the Matter fashion, Bolaji also shares her favorite book recommendations a book that has inspired her path and continues to influence her perspective.

Above all, this episode is a celebration of authenticity and connection. With honesty and warmth, Aderonke and Bolaji create space for vulnerability, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own journeys and find comfort and courage in shared experiences.

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Transcript

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (00:01.395):
Welcome to another edition of AB Wilson's Heart of the Matter, a podcast that uses overwhelmingly positive questions to learn about our guests, where every episode uncovers extraordinary stories of triumph, growth, and empowerment. Hi, I'm Aderonke Bademosi Wilson, and my guest on today's show is Bolaji Sofoluwe.

Please tell me I pronounced it properly, please.

Bolaji Sofoluwe (00:32.430):
You did all right.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (00:35.231):
Well, Bolaji, thank you so much for being a part of my show today. The three words you use to describe yourself are blessed, passionate, and loyal. Tell me about being loyal. What does that mean to you?

Bolaji Sofoluwe (00:53.602):
First of all, I just want to say thank you so much for inviting me on this podcast. You know, it's always a joy to talk to another woman about things that matter to us. Loyalty, for me, is really about having longevity and trust in relationships.

And not just relationships with people, but also with inanimate objects, like countries, spaces, and pursuits. It's not really just about human relationships for me. It's also about what I'm loyal to in terms of my passions. My average friendship is probably about 20 years old. My oldest friendship is 42 years old. And when I say friendship, I mean people I talk to on a regular basis, share my heart with, and who contribute to my life regularly. So, I guess that's why loyalty is a big word that's used to describe me.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (02:04.969):
Thank you. And being loyal to places, what does that look like? Does it mean that you go to that place on a regular basis? That it draws you, you're connected to it?

Bolaji Sofoluwe (02:16.466):
Yes. For instance—and this is something I had to work on intentionally, particularly with where I'm from. I've always had a bit of a conflict because I was born in England and raised in Nigeria. I spent about 12 years in Nigeria, and that period really shaped who I am today.

Because of that, I have always wanted to be someone who has loyalty to Nigeria as a place, even though more of my life has been spent in England. So, when I say my loyalty is also to inanimate objects like places, that's what I mean.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (03:16.723):
Thank you. I definitely understand about growing up in two places, being part of two different spaces. And yes, I can see how loyalty plays a part. Sometimes, I know for myself, there’s a sense of split loyalty because you grow up a certain way in one place and then have completely different experiences in another.

Bolaji Sofoluwe (03:49.230):
100%. It also means that even when you leave a certain space, you still attribute some of your better qualities or lessons you’ve learned in life to that specific place. That’s where the loyalty factor comes in. Even for me, it's about sticking to the culinary values and qualities that I find in that place. I grew up in a lovely place called Calabar in Nigeria, and I still make the food to this day in my home in England. So again, it's just that sense of belonging and what that place continues to give you—and you continue to give back to that place.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (04:41.471):
Thank you. Passionate. What are you passionate about?

Bolaji Sofoluwe (04:46.912):
Ooh, a few things. I'm very passionate about entrepreneurship because I’m passionate about people taking charge of their own lives, making a living, and allowing their talents to be shared with the rest of the world.

That doesn’t mean I’m not passionate about people who hold down nine-to-five jobs their entire lives—my parents did. So, talking about split loyalty, I have split loyalty there too. But I’m especially passionate about the fact that women, particularly, gain a lot from being entrepreneurial and from stepping outside their comfort zones and into spaces they’re not expected to be in. That connects my job and what I do for a living to my passions. I’m also passionate about the world being a playground for businesses. Get out there, explore, enter a new space that’s unusual for you. That’s also linked to my work. So, I think that summarizes my passions.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (06:22.365):
And you spoke about women entrepreneurs. Are you an entrepreneur?

Bolaji Sofoluwe (06:27.214):
I am indeed. I own and manage my own company. I’ve done that for the last 15 years. I have shareholders, so it’s actually a company-company. I have shareholders, a board of directors, and staff. I started this company with two other co-founders, and we’ve been going at it for that long.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (06:51.271):
What is the name of your company?

Bolaji Sofoluwe (06:54.272):
It’s called the Enterprise Trade and Knowledge Group.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (07:01.271):
And I can put the link to your website on the page with this conversation. Would you like to share your website?

Bolaji Sofoluwe (07:13.006):
Great. Yes, it’s www.etkgroup.co.uk.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (07:22.693):
Excellent, thank you. And you’ve also described yourself as blessed. What does that look like?

Bolaji Sofoluwe (07:28.334):
Well, I feel like most everybody is blessed in one way or another. But I always call myself God’s favourite, only because there are so many things that have happened in my life and so many people in my life that demonstrate just how blessed I am, particularly the people.

Like I said earlier, my friendships—the average friendship I have is 20 years old—and I’ve been able to grow such a community, such a village around me. People who genuinely love me, genuinely love what I do, and support me in what I do. I feel very blessed because I also won the husband lottery.

Bolaji Sofoluwe (08:23.485):
I have the most amazing man to support me, to back me, and I have done for the last 20, going on 21 years. I feel blessed to have two amazing daughters who challenge me every day but also give me the encouragement I need to be the best mom I can be.

But I also feel very blessed by all the things that have happened in my life that haven’t quite worked. They’ve pushed me forward, made me more determined and focused, but they’ve also given me a lot of empathy. I can relate. Sometimes it’s not a good thing—I’ll tell you, it’s not always a good thing—because sometimes I end up over-empathizing. Even when people mean me some level of harm, I’m still thinking, “But you know, they’ve had a rough year.”

I know what that’s like. Sometimes you become irrational, you lash out, and it might be difficult for them too. My husband just doesn’t get it. He’s like, “You can forgive anything, can’t you?” But it’s just because I have been blessed to walk through the fire—and I’ve come out gold. And I think because of that, nothing can— that gold can’t lose its shine. So no matter how many things are thrown at me at any given period of time, I am able to cope through it and get through it. So yeah, that summarizes the reason I call myself blessed.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (10:08.265):
Thank you for sharing your descriptors with us.

So, Bolaji, please share three interesting things about yourself that our listeners may not know and your friends would be surprised to learn.

Bolaji Sofoluwe (10:23.598):
I think the first thing I would say is that I play netball.

Bolaji Sofoluwe (10:35.478):
It’s a great way to get rid of your stressors and frustrations at the end of the day. You know, hitting a ball and trying to get it in the net. Usually, I play wing defense, so I’m not really getting it in the net—I’m just preventing it from getting in the net. That’s one thing lots of people don’t know about me.

The other thing people will probably be surprised to hear is that I am actually quite a softie. I’m a big fat softie. Because I have that exterior of managing director, board chair, angel investor, tutor—all those descriptors that women get and that I get for myself—people expect me to be a really tough person because you don’t get to that level in business without being tough and difficult. But no, I’m just a big softie. The worst thing that happened was for some of my colleagues to actually learn this. But I think that’s one thing a lot of people don’t know about me because of my exterior.

But many people do know that I laugh a lot, so they’ve probably guessed it or sussed it. The other thing is I love a garden. I don’t know how many people know that I am quite the gardener and I absolutely love flowers and plants. I love to see them grow. I feel like the garden is one thing that, if you love it, will love you back.

While I have a gardener who tends to do all the most difficult bits in my garden, I just love to nurture my flowers. I’m very particular about them. I know when one isn’t doing well. I know when something’s gone wrong in the garden, that sort of thing. So yeah, I’ve got quite the green fingers.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (12:34.372):
And do you get to be in your garden often, planting, growing, and tending?

Bolaji Sofoluwe (12:41.410):
Yeah, I spend lots of time in my garden.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (12:43.931):
And is it like a stress relief?

Bolaji Sofoluwe (12:45.450):
It’s very therapeutic. I just love getting my hands in the soil. Very often, I don’t even wear gloves. My husband runs out of the house and says, “You’re not wearing your gloves!” But I just like the feel of the soil—it’s so soothing and reassuring. And I love to walk on grass barefoot.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (13:13.503):
Thank you for sharing your three things. Can you tell us about a recent accomplishment or success that you’re particularly proud of?

Bolaji Sofoluwe (13:29.678):
It’s interesting because this was also a source of conflict for me originally, but now I see it as something really special. I was recently included in His Majesty the King’s New Year’s Honours List and had my investiture.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (13:49.961):
Congratulations!

Bolaji Sofoluwe (13:53.454):
Thank you. I had my investiture at Windsor Castle, and it was Princess Anne who handed me my medal, which was actually a dream come true because I really admire her as a hardworking woman. At first, as I said, I was a bit conflicted about what the medal is and what it’s called, but then I had to really think about the fact that it was down to all the hard work, the blood, sweat, and tears, the sacrifices, the difficult times, and the incredibly successful times that I had gone through. It’s kind of a culmination. I’ve been told not to think that this is the end or a lifetime achievement, but I have to say that it really was quite significant, quite a milestone in my life when I got that medal put on my chest with my mum watching, my two daughters watching, and of course, my incredible husband there as well.

I can’t explain it to you. I was intentional about living in the moment. I looked around me, looked around the castle, and said to myself, “Actually, Bolaji, this is again a blessing for me.” And it’s really dedicated to all the people that I’ve encountered over the years I’ve been working, to be honest. And of course, to my wonderful dad who taught me nothing was impossible.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (15:31.719):
Again, congratulations. That is indeed a very proud moment.

Bolaji Sofoluwe (15:37.890):
Yeah.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (15:41.395):
Please tell us about a time when you made a difference in another’s life. What were the circumstances? Paint a picture for me.

Bolaji Sofoluwe (15:49.324):
Hmm. I have quite a few mentees. For me, being able to pass on, as I said earlier, some of the struggles, trials, and tribulations that I’ve been through in my life—being able to prevent someone else from having to walk that walk—is something I greatly value. I’ll give the example of a business owner. Most of my mentees are either from a business perspective or just people trying to get ahead in a very hostile and toxic environment. One of my mentees needed to get out of the rut of debt in her business.

I had experienced the same, where I struggled a lot with debt in my business and came out the other side. I was able to provide real, practical ways for this person to come out of the rut she found herself in, without being on a high horse or, in quotes, privileged because I had so much going for me. I was able to share real, practical solutions to the problems she was facing. Today, she’s on the other side of things. We’re still working through a few things—habits she shouldn’t get back into, hopefully—but I think that has really made a significant difference in her life. I think many of my other mentees would probably say the same thing: we walk through it together.

I don’t come from the vantage point of someone who’s completely accomplished in all areas of my life. I still have struggles myself, and I relate with them in a way that I think many other mentors can’t because I’ve clawed my way up to where I am. So every time I get an opportunity, I make sure that I share those realistic ways for people to come out of issues that are affecting them.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (18:18.495):
So if anybody’s listening who may be, as you’ve said, in the rut of debt, are there any tools or any one or two tips that you can give that may help somebody to at least get started to think about it?

Bolaji Sofoluwe (18:37.196):
Well...

Bolaji Sofoluwe (18:41.460):
If you’re listening, rub your hands together because I have so many of these. First things first, people: get your head out of the sand. This is real, this is getting real, right? The debt is there. Let’s face it—it happened because there were certain circumstances and issues that you allowed to happen, and other circumstances and issues that you couldn’t have helped.

So let’s clear that up from the get-go, right? But you need to get your head out of the sand. Don’t bury your head in the sand and expect it to go away. The problem will not go away. Anytime you put your head up, that situation is most likely getting worse. So get out of the sand and face up to the reality of it. That’s number one.

Number two: write it down. Sometimes people say, “I’m in so much debt. I’m in so much debt.” And when I actually ask them, “How much debt are you actually in?” They can’t tell me. They don’t know the exact number to the penny. If it was me, I would know the exact number to the penny...