S2 Ep37. Living Life on Your Own Terms: Lessons from AJ Vassar’s Journey

In the latest episode of the ABWilson Heart of the Matter podcast, I sit down with A.J. Vassar, a self-proclaimed underdog whose path from homelessness to purpose is fueled by ambition, resilience and a deep sense of compassion. From the moment A.J. begins sharing his story, his authenticity and drive are unmistakable. 

He takes us through his early years growing up in a large family, where competition for attention and resources taught him valuable lessons about ambition, grit and finding his own path forward.

Despite facing challenges that might have discouraged many, AJ.embraced his identity as a late bloomer, using it as motivation to exceed expectations. His dedication to personal growth was evident even in his college days, where he played football at Southeast Missouri State, a formative experience that instilled discipline and a love for hard work.

One of the most striking chapters of A.J.’s story is his spontaneous move to Medellín, Colombia, a city he had never visited. Drawn to its energy and known as the city of eternal spring, Medellín became a backdrop for both personal transformation and a renewed sense of freedom. Yet A.J.’s path wasn’t without hardship. At one point, he found himself homeless and sleeping in his car. Rather than give in to despair, he turned this experience into the foundation of a mission: to give away cars to others in need.

A.J. explains how he sources these vehicles and why the act of giving them away holds such deep personal meaning. It's just one of the many bold moves in his life, including a remarkable 40-day water fast that tested him physically, mentally and spiritually. That experience, along with other challenging feats like walking long distances for charity, underscores his belief in the power of doing hard things to unlock personal growth.

Discipline remains a cornerstone of A.J.’s lifestyle. He shares his go-to self-care practices, including daily meditation and cold showers, which help him stay grounded and focused. These habits support his latest ventures, including an exciting foray into government contracting, an opportunity made even more meaningful through mentorship within his own family.

Throughout the conversation, AJ. .returns to a central theme: living life on your own terms. He’s passionate about helping others design a vacation lifestyle, one where work and life blend with purpose, joy and freedom. For those curious about his mindset, A.J. recommends several books that have shaped his outlook, including Rich Dad Poor Dad, As a Man Thinketh, and the Book of Proverbs.

As the episode wraps, A.J. leaves listeners with a powerful reminder about the importance of connection, community and having the courage to take leaps of faith. His story is a testament to what’s possible when you choose to bet on yourself and live with intention and heart.

https://www.abwilsonconsulting.com

https://abwilsonphotography.com

Transcript

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (00:01.626)
Welcome to another edition of ABWilson's Heart of the Matter, a podcast that uses overwhelmingly positive questions to learn about our guests—where every episode uncovers extraordinary stories of triumph, growth, and empowerment. Hi, I'm Aderonke Bademosi Wilson, and my guest on today’s show is A.J. Vassar. A.J. is ambitious, a late bloomer, and an underdog.
A.J., welcome to the show.

AJ Vassar (00:33.774)
Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (00:37.148)
So A.J., I always get my guests to talk to me a little bit about their descriptors. Tell me about being ambitious.

AJ Vassar (00:47.182)
I think my ambition started when I was a child. I'm one of eight children from my mother. And my mother told us very young that she didn’t have a lot of money—especially for me, as the oldest. So I had to find a way to make it happen legally, because my mama didn’t play that. So I wouldn’t do anything illegal.
It just made me learn how to—it forced me to be ambitious, honestly—so I could have some of the things that I wanted growing up.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (01:18.604)
And a late bloomer?

AJ Vassar (01:21.517)
A Late Bloomer is actually a title that my spiritual mentor, Pastor Pearl Pierce, gave to me.
She mentors a lot of guys that went to the NFL and NBA. And I remember going over to one of their homes. I didn’t even have a car at the time. And one of the guys’ houses we went to had like eight cars in the back. I was like, If I could just have one car.
And he said, "Nephew,"—he said, "I see where you're going. You're just a late bloomer, that’s all."
And when I look back at my life, that’s kind of been my story. I’ve always been a late bloomer. I don’t do it when everybody else is doing it. I always do it later. But then I seem to always go further than everybody. So I just started carrying that moniker.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (02:12.824)
And you describe yourself as the underdog. Why an underdog?

AJ Vassar (02:16.461)
Underdog because I grew up—like statistically speaking, I'm not supposed to be here.
You know, we grew up—I grew up three houses down from the projects. I think I’m the only person in my neighborhood that I grew up with to go to college, to get a scholarship playing sports. And yeah, I think I may be the only one I know that didn’t sell drugs for a time period to live.
So that’s why I say underdog—because I beat statistics. I’m not supposed to be where I am.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (02:54.556)
And what sport did you play in college?

AJ Vassar (02:56.781)
I played American football.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (02:58.854)
Okay. What was it—okay, I'm gonna tell you, I know so little about American football other than Jerry Rice. I don’t know why. That’s all I got. That’s all I got.

AJ Vassar (03:03.456)
Okay.

AJ Vassar (03:06.984)
Okay. Okay. So one reason that I say "American football" is because I live in South America now. So I realized I just can’t say football, because then everybody thinks soccer.
So yeah, I played defensive end and linebacker growing up. So that’s how—I hit people. Yes, I hit people. Yes. Yes.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (03:27.548)
So you sack the people? Okay, I’m glad I know that little bit as well.

AJ Vassar (03:34.987)
Yeah, I hit people. That’s all you gotta know. I was hitting people.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (03:37.914)
Okay. And how long did you play?

AJ Vassar (03:41.773)
I played a long time—played from the time I was six until I turned about 22, I think—22, 23.
And then when I moved to Colombia, I played here for like three or four years. But that was later on in life. I was just doing that for fun, just as exercise.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (03:58.204)
So did you play pro at all?

AJ Vassar (04:01.173)
No, I was not good enough to play pro. And people ask me like, Why didn’t you go pro? And I’m like, They don’t give out money for free.
There’s a certain talent level that you have to be at to go pro—and I was not there. Like, please don’t let me fool you. I did great making it to college and getting a scholarship. So that’s my claim to fame.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (04:23.269)
And which college team did you play for?

AJ Vassar (04:25.664)
I played for Southeast Missouri State in Cape Girardeau, Missouri.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (04:28.849)
Okay, all right. Well, thank you.
And you mentioned living in Colombia. I'm going to come back to that in a little while, because I’m very curious about that. But A.J., please share three interesting things about yourself that our listeners may not know—and your friends will be surprised to learn.

AJ Vassar (04:31.370)
Yes, ma’am.

AJ Vassar (04:50.732)
Friends would be surprised to learn... A lot of my friends don’t know that I’m one of, I think, 19 children from my father. That’s the one that kind of surprises all my friends when they find out. And most of them don’t know it. They just know I’m the oldest of eight children by my mother. So that would be one.
Another interesting thing about myself is that I moved to Colombia without ever visiting. I think that shocks a lot of people, because most people go, they check a place out, they go back and forth and make sure they like it. And that wasn’t my story. I just said, “Hey, I’m leaving.”
And my attitude was, If I don’t like it, I’ll just leave in six months. That’s how my life was set up. So, you know, I liked it. I’ve been here seven years.
And probably the third thing that’s the most interesting about me is that I started—I think I had a plan to give away cars when I was sleeping in my car. And although I didn’t do it for two years until after I got out of my car, I think most people wouldn’t know that that was always my plan.
Like, I always wanted to—from the time I started sleeping in my car, I was like, One day I’m gonna give away cars.
And, you know, to date, I think I’ve given away six. So, yes ma’am.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (06:15.429)
You’ve given away six?! OK, there’s a lot I want to go through here.
So—one of 19 children. Do you know all of your siblings on your father’s side?

AJ Vassar (06:19.657)
Okay.

AJ Vassar (06:23.434) Yes, ma'am.

 AJ Vassar (06:28.339) I know all of them but one. Yes ma'am, I know all of them but one. And wait, let me take that back. I don't know one, and then one passed away when she was a baby. I didn't get a chance, and she was older than me. So I didn't get a chance to meet her. But yeah, out of my father's children, those are the only two that I've never met and don't know.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (06:30.063) Okay.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (06:39.994) Okay.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (06:53.711) Why Columbia? How did you pick Columbia? And I know you said you moved there without having visited. Did you just put a pen on the map? How did you choose that?

 AJ Vassar (07:04.563) Honestly, I had a friend that knew I was gonna leave and I thought I was going to Trinidad and Tobago because I loved it there and I was like this is gonna be my home. And my friend sent me this video of Colombia and the first thing that got me was the weather—it stayed between 60 and 80 all year round—and I was like, that sounds perfect. And the only thing I didn't like about Trinidad is that it gets hot. So, you know, when I saw how the weather was and they call it Colombia, they call the city I live in Medellin, the city of eternal spring. And once I saw that and just, you know, started doing research on it, I was like, you know, this place has a bad rap because of Pablo Escobar, but it seems like a great place. And I just felt drawn there. So I just felt like that was my move. And it clearly was. I've been here seven years.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (07:56.242) And a lot of people that I've talked to in the last few months are visiting Colombia. Do you find that there are more, that you're seeing more tourists in your area or just around the country?

 AJ Vassar (08:10.44) There's a lot more tourists. When I first moved here, it would take us maybe 45 minutes to get through the immigration line, right? Now it takes three hours. Yeah, there's a lot more tourists here. Somebody started telling people about Medellin and Colombia period, Cartagena, Cali, you know, so those are like the big tourist spots. So people are coming to stroll.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (08:42.787) Hmm. Giving away cars. Why did you decide to give away cars? And how do you get the cars?

 AJ Vassar (08:54.259) So when I was homeless, I actually had to live out of my car. So, you know, my stuff was in there and I remember just being there and I felt like I had nothing and then I had to become grateful that I had a car. So, you know, that was in 2014. In 2016, life had turned around for me. I was doing really good. And I think I started putting money aside probably around August because I wanted to give two cars away for Christmas. So I just started putting money to the side. And I had a friend that was a dealer and I just asked him to look for some cars that would be good cars for people that didn't have a lot of money. At first I wanted to buy like brand new cars. And then my uncle said, look, if they don't have money for a car, they don't have the money for the insurance for a new car and the maintenance. So give them something that somebody can work on and that they can afford the insurance too. So they were still good cars. They were within 10 years, I believe, but they were more affordable for the people. And I just talked to, I talked to pastor friends that I knew and told them what I wanted to do. And they allowed me to come give a car to people in their church.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (10:15.087) Why a car? Why was a car important?

 AJ Vassar (10:20.009) It goes back to when I was feeling sorry for myself and I was sleeping in my car and I was having a woe-is-me moment and then you get hit with, yeah, but you're not sleeping in the street. Right? And then a car to me is a vehicle and I think like anything we all need vehicles to get us to our destinations and to get us to places that we're going. So it was not only a car to me, but it was a symbol of this is possible. And it's one of those things where, you know, I remember when Oprah did it. You know, she had that episode with like, you get a car, you get a car, you get a car. And I was like, you know, everybody thinks they have to be Oprah and give everybody a car. That one or two people that you can help and give a car to, you mean you are there over, you know. So I just realized that was my opportunity. I didn't have to be Oprah to have an Oprah-like impact.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (11:20.251) How did you end up sleeping in your car? You said you were homeless. And then how did you get there, but how did you get out?

 AJ Vassar (11:28.54) So it's interesting, I have to tell people all the time, my family loves me. I could have gone to any of my family's houses to get out of that situation. But I had a mentor named Sam Shepherd. I told Sam I was about to be homeless because me and my cousin were trying to grow a business and that went horribly wrong. I found out very quickly that like taking pictures with famous people and people stash or don't put money in your bank account and sometimes doing work for them don't either because they like, yo, you can use my name. And so, you know, bad business dealings and it took a turn for the worse. And I remember telling Sam that I was about to be homeless and I was going to move back with my mother in Texas until I got back on my feet. I was living in Atlanta at the time. So Sam was like, you know, first of all, Sam—Sam was like, he's the first African American to make a million dollars a year in Primark. Right? So Sam had money. At the time, I think Sam was making like $140,000 a month. When I told him I was gonna move with my mom in Texas, Sam was like, no, you're not. And I was like, okay. So I'm thinking, Sam's gonna give me some money, right? So I'm like, brother, if you just tied to me for a couple months and not the church, we'd be all right. Like I just need, you know, I need a couple thousand. And what he did was he told me, said, he said, you don't want to go to your mom because you don't want to start a habit of running from your problem. And he said, I have a safe parking lot for you to sleep in because you'll learn more from your car than you ever will running from your problems or having me be your safe. So Sam taught me tough love for real. And I'm forever grateful for him because that's one of the reasons why I wasn't scared to move to Colombia because I'm like, I've been through homes. Like I've slept in my car. Like none of this scares me anymore. So yeah, big props to Sam Shepherd.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (13:38.125) Hmm, sounds like some valuable life lessons from your car.

 AJ Vassar (13:44.399) Yeah, yeah, I learned a lot. I learned so much from my car. Sometimes I miss it. I don't know if I'd ever want to do it again, but I do miss the time. And from my car, it taught me how to sell. And I wasn't in Primark, I wasn't selling insurance. Me and my cousin had started a mobile marketing company. So that's what I had. And I just used mobile marketing to sell my way out of that situation. Life eventually got better. It wasn't overnight, but eventually, it started turning around for me. So I was very, very happy.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (14:22.553) AJ, thank you for sharing your story. Can you tell us about a recent accomplishment or success that you're particularly proud of?

 AJ Vassar (14:32.807) A recent accomplishment, which hasn't been too long ago, I did a 40-day water fast where I drank nothing but water for 40 days. It wasn't any teas, any juices, it was straight water and salt water in the morning for electrolytes. So I was proud of myself for accomplishing that because... Yeah, never. I mean, if anybody would have told me like, man, you're going 40 days without eating anything, I would have been like, like drinking protein shakes and they're like, no, it's just water. I would have been like, no, that's not possible. And it just showed me what I'm capable of. So that's probably one of my bigger accomplishments just because I thought that was only a few Jesus could do. Like, like I thought... I was like, yo, G is the only person I know that can go 40 days without eating food. I ain't never gonna try that. And yeah, I did it. I did it.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (15:41.243) What prompted you to do it? Was it health? Were you meditating? What made you do that? Or what encouraged you to do that?

 AJ Vassar (15:50.502) I started researching a lot of stuff about fasting and resetting your body. So initially I did a three-day water fast and it talked about autophagy and the different things that start healing within your body when you start fasting, like when you stop eating. So initially I just wanted to go 10 days and once I got to 10, it was like, I'll go 14. And then I got to 14 and I was like, I'll go 21. And it just snowballed into 40. It was nothing that I initially planned. And I don't think I decided to go 40 until I hit day 30. And once I was at day 30, I was like, I could do this for 10 more days. And I was actually gonna stop on day 39. And I called my mom and I was like, yeah, I think I'm gonna stop the fast. And she said, baby, do it one more day like Jesus. It's easy for you to say, you're at 39 days. But I did, I did one more day for my mom.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (17:02.529) And how did you feel? How did your body feel?

 AJ Vassar (17:06.384) When I tell you the mental clarity that I had was in God mode. I, it's something I can't explain to people. I was truly, I don't know what I was tapped into, but I was tapped in. I literally was tapped in. I could hear myself. I know we say we have five senses, but I promise during that time I had way more than five senses. I mean, I could just sense things. It was, yeah, it was on another level. It was on another level.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (17:45.893) How long ago was your fast? How long ago did you do it?

 AJ Vassar (17:48.261) It was probably a year ago now. Yeah.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (17:54.064) And the senses that you had as you were going through your fasting, do you still feel them? Have they faded away?

 AJ Vassar (18:05.263) So it's interesting. They have faded away, but I have recently started eating for my body to be in ketosis and some of them are coming back. So I don't know if carbohydrates are the problem. Like I don't know if carbohydrates are getting away for me and I'm not telling anybody to do what I do, but I know for me not having carbohydrates seems like it's the thing that's kind of opening that up. But yeah, like the mental clarity is coming back. But once I got off, they did go away.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (18:44.731) Alright, I'm just gonna ask you this, I'm dead curious. What was the first thing you ate after you came off fasting?

 AJ Vassar (18:50.084) Oh, once you don't eat for 40 days, you gotta start with soup. Like you would tear yourself up if you don't start with soup. Yeah. No, it has to be soup because your body hasn't had anything for 40 days. Like your stomach isn't ready for anything hard. So I had to really ease back into eating. And so it took about five, five to six days to ease back into eating.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (18:54.289) Hmm.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (19:24.634) And did you lose weight?

 AJ Vassar (19:26.533) I lost 52 pounds. Yeah, I lost 52 pounds. Yeah, it was, yeah, that was something else. That was something else.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (19:28.753) Wow.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (19:38.843) Well, congratulations. That is you and Jesus. That's a huge accomplishment.

 AJ Vassar (19:40.44) Thanks. Yeah, that was different but I saved a lot of money during that time. I saved a lot of money because I didn't eat. I mean, I just was just water every day.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (20:00.786) And why salt water? You said water and salt water. Like, what did the salts do?

 AJ Vassar (20:07.864) So if I'm not mistaken, and please scientists, if you hear this and I get it wrong, please don't beat me up. Salt has, is it iodine or I have something in it? Iodine, right? So your electrolytes run off that. So a lot of times when people fast and they don't feel good, it's actually not because they're fasting, it's because their electrolytes are off. So I would do salt water in the morning to make sure that my electrolytes were...

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (20:17.497) Mm-hmm. Yeah, I did.

 AJ Vassar (20:36.91) Were not all over the place or dropping or, you know, cause when you're just taking in water, you're releasing a lot of minerals and, you know, those good things in your body. So the salt water helps replenish the electrolytes. If I did it again, I would probably take magnesium and potassium, which would probably help me out better as I was going through that process. But the salt water got me through it. And I would just have a lot of salt water. Especially depending on what I was doing because during that time frame I flew up to the US. I went to my brother's wedding. I went to my mother's house. I had to fix her fence. And so that's why I only planned to do it for 14 days because I knew I was going to Texas in the summer to work outside doing manual labor building the fence. And once I got down there and I realized, oh, I could do this faster. It was just a game changer. Like I said, I had to drink a lot more salt water. But outside of that, was... I mean, sometimes I would go in and pass out because I was just tired, you know, people... I think it's totally different once your body... Our bodies are magnificent. And once your body starts burning off fat, and if you have enough body fat, like it has energy, right? Like anybody that's overweight, fat is just stored energy. So the reason why I didn't die is because I had a lot of stored energy and my body just used it.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (22:18.927) AJ, thank you for sharing that. Thank you for sharing that story and the successes that you had along the way. Can you tell us about a time when you made a difference in another's life? What were the circumstances? Paint a picture for me.

 AJ Vassar (22:35.555) So outside of the cars, outside of the cars, I would say there's a gentleman that I had met down here in Colombia. And he pulled up on me after I was leaving a restaurant. And he said, can I have your leftovers? Because I had a to-go, a to-go thing. And he said, can I have your leftovers? And I was like, you speak English. He was like, yeah, I just got deported. You know, I'm sleeping in the park. I don't have, I don't have anything right now, you know, so I would normally come up here and ask you for this, but I was like, well, instead of my leftovers, how about I just go buy you some food? So we went back in the restaurant, bought him some food. I was like, man, get your stuff. And I put him in a hotel for, I think, like, I think a week and, you know, kind of lost contact with him, but I was on my way to the gym not long ago and I heard somebody say, AJ. And I'm like, that's not common here. They don't have like, they don't pronounce Jay here. So whenever I hear Jay, like, I perk up like, I don't use Jay, right? And it was him. And he said, man, I really appreciate you. I'm on my feet now. I have, I'm working at a call center and I have an apartment. And it was like really cool. And me and him took a picture together and it was just like, you know, he was just like, man, thank you for looking out. Like I said, I wasn't expecting that. I didn't know if I would ever see him again, but it was cool knowing that I liked that. That was a spark that helped him get back on his feet.
 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (24:24.709) What were the key strengths and qualities you relied on to make a difference in this situation?

 AJ Vassar (24:32.427) Compassion, compassion. I know what it's like to not have much or very little. And I think compassion is the key strength for me. It's the one thing that, you know, when we have, I was told a while ago, you know, I used to grow up and I would hear, it's better to give than to receive. And I had a Jewish brother tell me like, well, actually the way we look at it, it's better to be in a position to give than be in a position that you need to receive. So my thing is, as long as I'm in that position, then I want to give as much as I can because I never know what position I'm gonna be in in the future. I would love to stay in the giving position. And I believe that as long as I am a giver, that I will stay in the giving position. But if I don't, or if I have family members that come after me, I would want people to be just as compassionate to them because we all go through ebbs and flows in life. And just because you're up today, that doesn't mean you'll be up tomorrow. And just because you're down today, that doesn't mean you'll be down tomorrow. So I think for me, it's just compassion. Yeah, that's it.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (25:55.164) Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. Can you recall a situation where you overcame a challenge that led to personal growth? What did you learn from that experience?

 AJ Vassar (26:06.369) Okay, so I do hard things. I always do hard things. I'm always testing myself. Just recently, every year, we do this thing called 31 Miles for 31 Heroes. On August 6, 2011, there was a helicopter that was shot down. It had 30 servicemen and a service dog in there. And my brother was a part of their squadron. So every year, we walk 31 miles for 31 heroes. Well, we do it in... in the US and I did it in Colombia a couple times. Had a couple guys and last year I tried to do it by myself for the first time and I sprained my ankle on mile five. So I finished walking. I think I walked 15 more miles on the sprained ankle and then like once I went to set down the rest, I couldn't finish. My ankle was done. So this year I said, cool, I'm gonna do it again. So I actually walked the 31 miles by myself. And yeah, that was tough. That was tough. Because it's just you. It's just you and your thoughts. I didn't, I mean, you would think that like, you just listen to music. And I think I may have listened to one song. I think I may have listened to one podcast. And it's because you're focused on your breaths and your steps. You know, and people think walking is easy. And it is until you're doing it to get to 31 miles. It's really a challenge. So, you know, your timing, okay, how long am I going to walk before I rest? And how am I going to, what am I, am I eating right? I on the right track for this and that? Yeah, but I did that. I did the whole 31 miles by myself. And that was, yeah, that was an accomplishment that I'm very, very, very, very proud of that I overcame that challenge. Cause I wanted to stop at mile 20. And mile 20, everything starts hurting. everything starts to hurt like your feet, your groin, everything. It starts hurting. So, but to complete that, that let me know like, okay, cool. We can put this in our belt as well for a challenge we ever came that did lead to personal growth.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (28:25.265) How long did it take you to do the 31 miles?

 AJ Vassar (28:29.119) It's like 14 hours. Yeah, it's like 14 hours. You start off going fast. You start off at a good pace, but when you get to about 20, your pace slows. You're like walking half pace because every step hurts. And then we have this thing called Bart's Mile that we do. And we do it for the service dog. The service dog was named Bart. So we actually take our shoes off and we walk a mile with no shoes on because dogs don't wear shoes. So I mean, it hurts. And you would think we'd be smart to do that in the beginning, but no, we wait until like mile 20, 24 and do Bart's mile and it's, yeah, yeah, it hurts.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (29:18.545) Did you do practice walks beforehand? Did you, like train?

 AJ Vassar (29:26.623) Yeah, so I would go out and I would walk for, you know, three, four miles a day beforehand, but nothing prepares you for 31. Like you can walk all you want. Yeah, nothing prepares your feet for 31 miles. Yeah. Or the mental aspect. Like you're just not ready. You're not ready.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (29:46.886) Yeah.

 AJ Vassar (29:49.896) Yeah.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (29:51.89) Thank you, AJ. Thank you for sharing that story and for sharing about the 31 miles. I had no idea about this program that you continue to be a part of. And is there a certain time where it takes place?
 AJ Vassar (30:08.028) Smile. Yes, it always happens either... The memorial is on August 6th and we always do it either the Saturday before or the Saturday after depending on how close that is to August 6th. So if August 6th is on a Friday, then we'll do it on that. You know, August 7th, but we always do it during that time frame. The first weekend in August we knock it out.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (30:37.937) Hmm.

 AJ Vassar (30:39.87) Knock it out.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (30:42.353) As you know, I live in Bermuda, right? And Bermuda is tiny. And when I say tiny, it's 21 miles, which is about 35 kilometers long. That's it. And one mile wide at its widest point. So 21 square miles, 35 square kilometers. That's it. That's the size of Bermuda. And every year we have something called end to end where people for charity, they raise money to walk the length of Bermuda.

 AJ Vassar (31:00.883) Yeah.

 AJ Vassar (31:11.048) Mm-hmm.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (31:11.717) The whole 21 miles. And so as she was speaking, it reminded me of that. It reminded me of the hundreds of people who come out each year. And it's been going on for 30 plus years now. And each year it has grown and people do it for the first time. And some people, this lady, she had done it for 20 plus years without missing a year. And so I do commend you because it's further than, as long as then the distance of Bermuda that you actually walked. And I'm gonna invite you to an end to end, cause 21 miles will be nothing after your 31.

 AJ Vassar (31:50.599) Yeah.

 AJ Vassar (32:01.893) You would think so, but I'm telling you anything after 15 it starts to hurt, but I would love to come out there and do that.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (32:09.433) I will make sure you get the information.
 AJ Vassar (32:13.115) Yeah, yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that. That's a great way to see the country and spend time there. It's a good call. So yes, I'll put that on my list.
 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (32:14.865) Okay, okay.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (32:23.607) Okay, and it's usually the first weekend in May, so I will let you know.

 AJ Vassar (32:26.981) Okay. Yeah, yeah, that gives me time. And then I have time to rest because so if I do that in May, June, July, yeah, I got two months before. That'll be cool. That'll be cool. Exactly. Exactly. I don't know what's wrong with me.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (32:40.123) This will be a warmup. And if you're going to ask me if I've done it, no, haven't. I have not done the end to end. I haven't even done the middle to end. I have a friend, and we walked from her sister's house to the end of the walk. And that was probably about, I don't know, six, seven miles. And so that was my full support of the program. But I really do take my hat off to those who have done the entire length. And Bermuda's quite hilly. You wouldn't think it is, but it's quite hilly. And it's beautiful countryside that you walk through. And so I look forward to you coming and joining us.

 AJ Vassar (33:26.428) Okay.

 AJ Vassar (33:39.545) Yes, that will be awesome. That will be awesome.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (33:48.144) All right. You are listening to A.B. Wilson's Heart of the Matter podcast.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (33:59.267) It says something about you, you had a call that just came through.

 AJ Vassar (34:05.165) Some alarm went off. I don't even know. Yeah, yeah, I was just like, what happened? I saw it turned off.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (34:07.662) Okay. All right. That's fine. It's still recording on my side, I believe. So I think we're good. All right. Welcome back to A.B. Wilson's Heart of the Matter. My guest today is A.J. Vassar. A.J., we've talked about you giving away cars, you sleeping in your car, you getting scholarships for American football to go to college.

 AJ Vassar (34:17.978) Okay.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (34:36.7) And your dedication to fasting. What self-care practices or strategies help you to sustain your energy and motivation while navigating your journey?

 AJ Vassar (34:50.053) So I do a couple of things. I meditate almost every morning for like 30 plus minutes. So I always try to make sure that my mindset is starting off right. And then I force myself to do hard things, which I encourage anybody to do. So I take cold showers and they are painful. I hate them. They're the pain of my day. I hate cold showers. I don't know how many times I can say that, but I understand the benefits of a cold shower and it's something I wanna do. So I feel like, I believe it was Jim Rohn, the philosopher, that said, you make your life easy or if you do easy things, life will be hard. But if you do hard things, life will be easy. So I try to always just make sure that I'm doing hard things so that my life can be easier. So yeah, those are really the two main practices that I do. And then I go to the gym and stuff, but as far as self-care, like it's really the meditation and the cold showers because I don't always want to do them. I don't like doing them.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (36:08.75) Listening to you and listening to the things and activities you have done in your life, that suggests to me that you have a lot of self-discipline. Would you agree with that?

 AJ Vassar (36:25.371) See, I don't think I do. But I've heard, now I've heard this said before, the people that actually have discipline don't think they have discipline. And the people that don't have discipline think they do, right? So I don't know what category I fall into, because I look at myself and I'm so hard on myself that I wanna be more disciplined. So to me, discipline is keeping my word when I don't want to, always. So on a spectrum of discipline, you can say that, yes, I'm disciplined, but in my eyes, I have a long way to go. Because in my eyes, to be disciplined, I have to be impeccable with my word. So anything I say is going to be done, it's done. And I'm not there yet. I feel like I still have a ways to go to even discipline my tongue, not to say things that I'm not sure that I can do. I'm working on discipline every day. Yes, I'm working on that.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (37:24.281) Hmm.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (37:30.074) How might sharing your experiences of success and growth create a positive ripple effect in your family, community, the world?

 AJ Vassar (37:40.302) I think it's showing people the outcomes after I do hard things. Because if a person can see that, yes, it's hard, but it's worth it, then I think that gives them the ability to want the reward from the hard thing. Because that's what we're going after. So, you know, that's why I try to put out there the tough things that I do. The 40-day fast, I've done 75 Hard, you know, I'm doing the keto diet right now, I've walked 31 miles. You know, I do all of that just to show people like, no, this is possible. And I've tried to make sure that I focus on the outcome, because most of us want the outcome. And you know, there's a saying, if your why is strong enough, then the how doesn't matter. So I try to make sure that I give people the why, like so that they can have those positive ripple effects because it actually does for myself, it's a ripple effect in life because I started doing 31 miles back in, I think 2016. So even though it was hard by doing it by myself for the first time and completing it, I could pull from, "You've done 31 miles almost 10 times." Like, come on, man. Like, what are we doing? Like, stop it. Having those memories that you can pull from and say, I've done hard things is critical. And I think that's what creates the ripple effect. Even just saying, I'll take a cold shower. If I can take a cold shower, I can make this phone call. If I can take a cold shower, I can go to the gym. Because none of that's harder than taking a cold shower.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (39:37.936) Hmm.

 AJ Vassar (39:38.241) I hate them. If I didn't tell people, I hate them. Okay, again.
 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (39:44.42) What exciting opportunities do you see on the horizon? How do these opportunities align with your passions and aspirations?

 AJ Vassar (39:53.305) So I have some cool stuff coming up that I really, you'll be the first time I talk about this publicly. My sister has been trying to get me into government contracting for the longest time. She was a contracting officer for the US government for six years. She's been in that industry for 17 years. And during her time as a contracting officer, she gave 1.1 billion dollars away in awards. That's how much she awarded. And a lot of times I have to slow people down because I don't think they realize, like I didn't realize the difference between a million and a billion. Because we like to say them all together like they're close, right? So this is what I always tell people. I say, how much do you think a million seconds is? And you can answer that. How many days do you think a million seconds is?

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (40:52.044) Geez, okay, probably about two years.

 AJ Vassar (40:55.288) Okay, a million seconds is 11 days. Okay, it's okay, it's okay. How many seconds do you think a billion, how many days do you think a billion seconds is?

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (40:58.724) Okay. Where you off? My God.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (41:07.12) Probably 111 days.

 AJ Vassar (41:10.672) 111 days. Okay, see, that's the thing. That's why I always take people through that because a million seconds is 11 days. A billion seconds you thought was 111 days. A billion seconds is 31 years.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (41:26.544) Whoa, okay, okay, okay, okay. Slow down, slow down, slow down, slow down. Okay, I need to write this down. A million seconds equals 11 days. Okay, a billion seconds...

 AJ Vassar (41:33.949) Okay, it's 11 days. Yes. It's 31 years.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (41:44.587) Wow.

 AJ Vassar (41:45.72) Yes, but we say them together so much that we think they're close. They're not close at all. So yeah, I actually did the calculations for how much my sister has awarded in government contracting. Over her six years, she awarded $504,000 a day. So like, like it's, yeah. So I had to start respecting what she was doing. Cause I was like, wow. So now she finally convinced me to get into it and I'm interested to get into it. But since I waited so long, she told me it's gonna cost me. And my sister is so mean. My sister just, so she knows I bought my mother two cars. Okay. So she told me the only way that she would teach me is if I pay for her Porsche. So I am now the proud payer of a Porsche I don't even own because...

 AJ Vassar (42:53.557) Because she's teaching me everything about government contracting. And it's been cool because I've been able to share some of that knowledge with people that I'm helping. And now it's been... it's been a roller coaster because what was happening was as I help people, the one thing the common denominator was people didn't know how to find the clients with the money. And finally, my sister was like, dumb dumb, the U.S. government has that's the biggest client in the world. Like, why don't you show them how to just go to the biggest client in the world? Because they have the money. And when I looked at it, it was like, my God, why haven't I? What am I doing? Like, I've been messing this up. Like, they're always gonna have money. So, and all this cost to me is paying a Porsche. That's not even mine. Yeah.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (43:41.872) Yeah. So has it changed with the current environment, with the current administration?

 AJ Vassar (43:51.007) No, no, and I'll say this overall contracting has right because you have those that came in and they did a bunch of stuff that, you know, they got rid of certain agencies but the way my sister is teaching me and how I'm helping others is we go after baby contracts. You should use, in my opinion, this is just my humble opinion, you should use government contracts to pay for your freedom, right? Some people use them to become millionaires, billionaires, all that. But my thing is, just use government contracts to pay for your freedom because you can do those with baby contracts. And a baby contract to the US government is like anything under $250,000, $300,000. That's a baby contract. So they don't even, yeah, they, like those don't even matter to them. Get out of here. Get out of here with that little money. But to everyday people, that's like freedom money. That can truly pay for your freedom in this life. Yeah, we go after, our strategy is to go after baby contracts.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (45:10.0) I look forward to hearing more about that. Thank you. Thank you for sharing. And so AJ, what brings you joy?

 AJ Vassar (45:13.289) Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.

 AJ Vassar (45:20.572) Seeing people happy, seeing people live life on their own terms. That's what brings me joy. I love seeing it. I love watching people that hated what they did and now they live life on their own terms. I used to ask people, because I didn't know how to brand myself, and I was like, when you think of me, what do you think of? And they said, man, you have a vacation lifestyle. And I was like, okay. So I started kind of sharing that, well, I'm vacation lifestyle. And now it's like, I want people to experience that to where you do live where you want. You travel where you want. You live life on your own terms. And I think too often we're not living life. We're going through life. And I think life, I think the blessing in life is to be lived, not just to make it through. So I, what brings me to always saying people live life.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (46:27.397) Would you recommend a vacation lifestyle to people?

 AJ Vassar (46:31.029) 100%, 100%. And vacation lifestyle is actually, it's actually a play on words because when you live a vacation lifestyle, you don't need to take a vacation. So why would I wanna vacate from the life I love? Like I just go work from another place in the world. Like if I like what I do, why would I stop doing it? So I just go, I do work from other places in the world, that's all. So yeah, so a vacation lifestyle is actually, it just means you don't need a vacation. You never need to take an official vacation because you like what you do and you can do it anywhere.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (46:59.952) Hmm.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (47:12.795) Book recommendation do you have? It can be a book you read recently or something that has stayed with you over the years.
 AJ Vassar (47:21.205) I would always tell people to read Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. That's the book I think has helped so many entrepreneurs get into the mindset of understanding assets and liabilities. I would say read As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. That really shows you the mental part of this thing we call life. And then... Proverbs. Read the book of Proverbs. Yeah, those are like if I had to pick three like right off the top of my head, those would be the three. Yeah, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, As a Man Thinketh by James Allen, and then Proverbs from the Bible.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (48:13.667) AJ, we're coming to the end of our conversation. Is there anything else? Do you have any final thoughts that you want to share with us?

 AJ Vassar (48:22.804) I would say number one, whatever you're doing, make connection and community, have connection and community. There's a saying that you can go fast by yourself, but you can go far together, or you can go fast alone, but you can go far together. And I truly believe that. It's always easier when you're doing it with somebody else, when you have a community that's supporting you. And then don't be scared to take the leap. It's a poem that I love, that I love ending with when I speak and it says go to the edge. Said I said I am afraid. Go to the edge. He said I told him if I go I'll fall. Go to the edge. He said he pushed me and I flew. And to me that's life like we always need to go to the edge and yes, it's scary and yes, you're to wonder am I gonna fall? but a lot of times we're being pushed to the edge because we have potential in us to make us fly. But the only way that we'll ever truly open our wings and use the potential that we have is when we're pushed off the edge.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (49:36.557) AJ, thank you for your time today. And I'm just going to go over some of the appreciation nuggets that I got from our conversation. You said earlier on, a car is a vehicle to get us places, get us to the places we are going. You also said, it's better to be in a position to give than to be in a position to receive. And the third nugget, which you just said, or the many nuggets.

 Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (50:17.925) Whatever you are doing, make connection in community. AJ, thank you so much for taking the time to join me on A.B. Wilson's Heart of the Matter, a podcast dedicated to asking overwhelmingly positive questions as we uncover incredible stories and wisdom of people you may know. AJ Vassar, thank you so much.

 AJ Vassar (50:23.944) Yes.

 AJ Vassar (50:43.301) It was my pleasure, thank you.