S3 Ep23. Finding Sunlight in the Storm: Choosing Grace and Building Belonging with Torie Slaughter

In this episode of ABWilson’s Heart of the Matter, Torie Slaughter shares a thoughtful and deeply personal conversation about optimism, curiosity, family, purpose and the power of showing up with grace. 

From the opening moments, Torie reflects on what it means to stay positive when life feels heavy, describing optimism as “trying to find the sunlight in the storm” and reminding listeners that perspective can shape how we move through difficult seasons. Her reflections are honest and grounded, offering a meaningful look at how she navigates stress, motherhood, work and personal growth.

Torie also opens up about the role communication has played in her life, from being described as talkative as a child to using conversation as a way to process emotions and make sense of the world. That natural curiosity is also what led her into doctoral study, where she is researching how Black women in DEI roles are advancing inclusion through everyday micro-strategies, even as organizations face backlash, budget cuts and shifting language around the work. 

Her scholarship is both timely and practical and it reflects her commitment to belonging, psychological safety and creating healthier workplace cultures.

The conversation also turns to Torie’s personal journey. She shares her experience growing up in Lynchburg, Virginia, studying abroad in England and eventually building a life there through education, family and opportunity. She speaks candidly about becoming a mother, celebrating one year of breastfeeding and finding strength in daily walks, fresh air and quiet moments with her son and husband. 

One of the most moving parts of the episode is her reflection on losing her father to alcoholism, a loss that reshaped how she sees health, grief and the importance of caring for one’s body and life with intention.

Torie’s story is also one of service and impact. She describes helping someone land a job through career coaching, using her HR background to offer resume support, interview prep and encouragement at a moment when that person was also caring for a family member. 

That experience affirmed her belief in using her gifts to help others and it points to the kind of future she envisions for herself through public speaking, writing and broader advocacy. 

Throughout the episode, Torie returns to a central theme: we do not always know what someone else is carrying and a little grace can go a long way.

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Transcript

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (00:01.858)

Greetings from Bermuda. Welcome to another edition of ABWilson's Heart of the Matter, a podcast that uses overwhelmingly positive questions to learn about our guests, where every episode uncovers extraordinary stories of triumph, growth, and empowerment. Hi, I'm Aderonke Bademosi Wilson, and my guest on today's show is Torie Slaughter. Torie is talkative, optimistic, and curious. Torie, welcome to the show.

Torie (00:37.72)

Thank you for having me.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (00:40.564)

And Torie, tell me about being optimistic. What does that look like? What does that feel like for you?

Torie (00:47.64)

It looks like trying to find the positive side even when things may not look positive at face value, trying to find the sunlight in the storm. And that's not always easy, but I think it's important. Otherwise, sometimes you can walk around in bad moods or negative headspaces. So just trying to keep spirits high, regardless of the situation.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (01:16.492)

And what are some of the things that you might do to bring yourself to that space of things, if there are clouds, say?

Torie (01:23.816)

Mm-hmm. I think, you know, getting outside, for one, getting out of the environment that you may be in that could be causing some sort of stress or negative feelings. And then also just looking at the "what if" -- like, what if things go right? Or what if this happens in the way that maybe it doesn't seem like it will now, but it does. What if this turns around?

I think those two things are always grounding to me -- the what-ifs, and then like, what if this works out -- and trying to just be in control of your space as much as possible.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (02:00.174)

Thank you. And you've described yourself as talkative. Tell me about that.

Torie (02:05.496)

Well, ever since I was in elementary school I was being told I was a social butterfly, but it's just my way to express myself. It's my way to kind of soundboard things or to process emotions. Like, I have to talk about stuff. I don't like to just sit and keep it all in my head. I feel suffocated if I'm not able to speak.

And yeah, if I feel like I'm really interested in something or in someone, I'm very engaged, I ask a lot of questions and try to understand. I think that goes a bit into the curiosity piece too -- trying to understand how things work, why things work the way they do. And in order to do that, a lot of times you have to talk about things. So yeah, I think it ends up making me a strong communicator as well, verbal and written, just from always talking from a young age.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (03:01.672)

And I don't know if you were like me as a child -- my report card always said, "Very talkative during class hours."

Torie (03:08.318)

Mm-hmm. Yes, not knowing the boundaries of when it's the time to talk and when it's the time to listen.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (03:18.324)

And you've described yourself as curious -- you just mentioned it. Curious about what?

Torie (03:24.472)

Everything. Especially stuff that I don't have a lot of knowledge about. I think -- okay, I'll say not everything, because some stuff doesn't pique my curiosity, I'll be honest. I mean, like, as a mom -- I'm a new mom now -- so, curious about whether my child is doing the things that a one-year-old is supposed to do, or curious about what other parents are maybe doing in this space. Stuff that's in my sphere and things that kind of relate to or impact me, I like to dig into a bit more. I'm also a PhD student, which I'm sure we can get into, but I think that stems from curiosity and just wanting to learn, being a forever learner.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (04:09.684)

And tell me about your PhD. What are you studying?

Torie (04:13.192)

Yes, so the program is management and organizational behavior at Oxford Brookes Business School. But my particular research is looking at how Black women who are working in diversity, equity, and inclusion roles are moving DEI forward within their organization through micro strategies. So that's the everyday, day-to-day mundane activities, conversations, and the things that they're doing on a day-to-day basis to move DEI forward in their own context. And the wider context is the DEI backlash that originated in the US but is transnational at this point. Just trying to understand the implications of that and how it's impacting the day-to-day strategies. So I'm using diary studies, allowing the Black women who are participants to document in real time what happened throughout their day, their thoughts about what happened, their reactions, followed by interviews where we have conversations to gain more context about what came up in the diary entries and what's happening within their organizations and in their roles.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (05:23.752)

And you said that there have been changes. Can you talk about the kind of changes that Black women are seeing in the DEI space?

Torie (05:34.9)

Yeah, a lot of times they're not able to call it DEI anymore. So they're having to change the name or the title, but a lot of the women are saying, regardless of what we call it, the work still must go on. That's one big thing. A lot of women are also facing declining resources -- losing staff members or losing funding. Their budgets are being slashed and they're still trying to operate and do the things that they need to do with fewer resources. And I think there's also a sense of fear from leaders within the organization -- fear of being sued, or fear of doing the wrong thing, or being seen as doing something illegal. So that's not necessarily from the participants, but that's from the leadership, which then impacts how people are able to show up in their jobs if their leaders are fearful that something may go wrong.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (06:34.094)

Thank you. Thank you for sharing parts of your research.

Torie (06:40.279)

Thanks for asking.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (06:43.864)

Torie, I'd like our listeners to learn a little bit more about you. Please share three interesting things about yourself that our listeners may not know and your friends will be surprised to learn.

Torie (06:48.194)

Okay.

Torie (06:56.623)

Okay, so one thing is -- when I was in high school, I used to throw shot put for track and field. I actually had the school record for, I think, about six or seven years. Someone has now broken that record, but that was something that I think people were really shocked about. I think they expect bigger people, and I don't know, more muscular people to do it. Some people are always shocked when I say that. I think it would be surprising to say I've lived in four different parts of the UK. I don't know if my friends would necessarily be shocked about that, but other people aren't really aware that I've kind of moved around from the south to the north of England. And the third thing -- this is tricky -- let me think.

Torie (07:55.798)

I met my husband on a dating app, and we were living in completely different parts of the country. He's probably like, "Why did you say that?" But I think this is the world that we live in now -- being able to connect online has really changed the way that we're all able to communicate and connect.

Me living in England has definitely opened up many doors, including meeting my husband, having my son, and doing this PhD that I'm doing.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (08:31.054)

So I just want to go back -- would you recommend finding a partner online? Would you recommend that?

Torie (08:34.495)

Mm-hmm.

Torie (08:40.055)

Yeah, actually I would, honestly. I think you're able to almost curate what you're looking for, who you're looking for. But there's a caution to that -- being open-minded and also allowing different types of people to come across your path that maybe wouldn't necessarily be your type or who you would go after. There are two sides to that. Like, you can really almost picture-perfect this: "This is what I want, who I'm looking for" -- but that can also lead you toward the same types that you've been looking at in the past or people that maybe aren't good for you. But I don't think you have that same flexibility, that same kind of openness, if you're waiting to meet someone at a movie theater or at a library or something like that. You're able to say, "This is what I'm interested in" and hopefully find people who are interested in similar things or who are able to complement you in ways that you desire.

I don't know, I'm almost like -- how do people meet their husbands without dating apps in 2026?

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (09:46.638)

Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. And I just want to go back to shot put. You said you're not, I guess, built the way we might think shot putters are built. Is it about technique then? Is it about how you throw the shot put?

Torie (09:50.742)

Mm.

Torie (09:56.512)

Mmm.

Torie (10:04.631)

Yeah, I mean, really that's it. You do obviously have to have strength -- I started weightlifting because of being part of the track and field team, having never lifted weights before. So strength does play a role, but you have to know where to pull that strength from. You can't just be strong or big and not know how to use your leg strength or to get the trajectory that you need.

And funny story -- I didn't go into track and field wanting to do shot put. I was trying to run and do sprint events. And then one time the shot put coach came up to me and asked, "I think you'd be good at shot put. Would you like to come try?" And I was like, I am terrible at running -- that's why he's trying to get me to throw shot put! But then I actually really liked it. It was almost like a game, because each throw you wanted to go farther, to improve in some way. And so there's this repetition of continuing to try and try. Obviously with sprinting you can do that too, but you're going to get quite tired trying to run 50 meters over and over again. So yeah, I really got into that repetition. And then as I started to realize I was actually kind of good at this, I thought, this is my niche, this is my area. And I actually ended up going back to my high school about three years ago and coached for a year, for two seasons. That was really rewarding -- being able to give back and, as you were saying, teach those techniques and show the boys and girls what they might be missing in terms of fundamentals, because they didn't have a specific shot put coach at the time. I was able to give back that way, and I loved that.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (11:58.402)

So you live in the UK now -- where did you grow up?

Torie (12:02.519)

I grew up in Virginia, in Lynchburg, Virginia, to be specific. So it's on the East Coast of the US. Born and raised -- I lived there my whole life. My first flight was coming here to England.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (12:15.598)

And what brought you to England?

Torie (12:18.818)

So I actually just made a post about this on LinkedIn. I was doing my undergraduate at Randolph College, and one of the students came in -- she was a year ahead of me. I was a sophomore, so I think she was a senior. She came in and was telling us about Randolph at Reading, which was a study abroad program at the University of Reading that my college hosted in partnership with the University of Reading. They owned and were renting two different homes for their students to live in. And it was actually going to be the last year they were doing the study abroad program -- I think it was the 50th year. So there was a sense of urgency: if I don't do this now, I can't do it. So I applied. I knew absolutely nothing about England, which kind of surprises me now that I think about it -- I didn't watch British shows, I didn't know about British culture, I literally knew nothing. I was just excited for the opportunity to study abroad. That was that curious piece of me. I think you could have taken me anywhere and I would have been like, I'm just happy to be here. So I applied, I got accepted, and then the challenge was trying to figure out how to afford it. I didn't have the money that was needed -- as a commuter student, I didn't pay room and board. The students who lived on campus and got accepted basically went for free because it was covered under their tuition and room and board payments. So I had this extra fee that I didn't normally pay. I talked to some faculty members and ended up getting an anonymous donation of $5,000 so that I could do the program. That made all the difference. I was able to supplement the rest with savings and money from family. And yeah, I was off to England. I did three months for a semester and I loved it so much. I was like, I need to go back, I need to figure out how to get back. So I did a master's degree, then I worked a little bit, and now I'm back doing my PhD. So education has really anchored me here, and hopefully I'll stay a little bit longer after I finish the PhD and really get into my career.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (14:35.374)

Excellent. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. I'm sure young people who are listening may now consider studying abroad, because it gives you such a wider lens.

Torie (14:38.537)

Yeah.

Torie (14:50.23)

Absolutely, I recommend studying abroad to anybody. Like I said, it doesn't really matter where you get to go, because it's going to change your life.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (15:03.95)

Torie, can you tell us about a recent accomplishment or success that you're particularly proud of?

Torie (15:11.126)

Yeah, this is going to sound a bit funny maybe, but my son just turned one and I've been breastfeeding him the entire time. So I am proud of one year of nursing. It's not easy to do. It's very time-consuming. It takes a lot from your body, mentally and physically. And I'm planning my life in two and three-hour increments because you need to feed again. If there are moms out there, they may understand -- getting to one year is not a small feat. I plan to continue as long as it's beneficial to the both of us. But beyond just being a mom for one year, being a first-time mom, I think that is something really special that not everybody has the privilege of being able to do.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (16:02.358)

And I know there have always been a lot of conversations around breastfeeding and whether or not to breastfeed. Was that ever a conversation for you, or was it something that no matter what, you were always going to do?

Torie (16:17.93)

Yeah, that was something I always knew I wanted to do because, well, for one, I didn't want to have to deal with formula and bottle making. It seemed very convenient, which it has been in its own way. And there are also the benefits to the baby. But then I've come to realize there are some benefits to the mother as well. So it was something I always planned to do. I did have a bit of a rocky beginning postpartum, and I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to continue breastfeeding. I was like, just forget it, we're just going to do formula. And then my milk came in, and I thought, okay, nevermind, let's try. And it worked. But yeah, it was always something I had my heart set on, and I would encourage other people to try it. I have a couple of women in my family who are pregnant and I'm like, please just at least try. Even if you do it for six months or as long as you can, there are going to be benefits to the baby.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (17:12.258)

Well, congratulations on your one-year anniversary.

Torie (17:14.068)

Yay, thank you.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (17:20.29)

Please tell us about a time when you made a difference in another person's life. What were the circumstances? Paint a picture for me.

Torie (17:27.702)

Mm-hmm. So about two or three years ago -- I guess 2023 -- I was doing some career coaching. I had left my job and was in limbo trying to figure out what to do between leaving that job and starting my PhD program. And I have a background in human resources. So I thought, why not utilize my skills to help other people who are looking for jobs? So I was helping with resume building and interview prep. There was someone who came across my -- well, we kind of met because she also studied abroad in England, but I never met her in person; we were just friends online. She reached out to me, and in particular there was one day that we had a meeting -- it was either a mock interview or just one of our regular sessions -- and she joined from her car. Normally, you know, someone might think that's not very professional, but she explained that her father was going through medical treatment and she was at an appointment. And to me, that just kind of shifted the perspective. People aren't just looking for jobs -- it's about stability, about looking for a job during such an important time when you also have to be there for your family. That impacts the kind of jobs you're looking for, or what you plan to do once you get the job, what benefits they offer. So we practiced -- we did two mock interviews, I helped her with other pieces of her resume -- and she actually ended up getting the job at the company we practiced for.

And I think she's still there. I haven't checked in a while, but the last time I checked, she was still working there, and I noticed she was traveling as well. In hindsight, I can't say for sure, but I imagine that was a really important time in her life -- having to be there for her father and also looking for a job -- and knowing that I could be there to support and help out by using my own skills and knowledge.

Torie (19:50.719)

So yeah, I think that's something that has kind of stuck with me. I had a couple of other clients that I worked with, but that one in particular stood out.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (19:59.52)

What were the key strengths and qualities you relied on to make a difference in this instance?

Torie (20:05.584)

Yeah, I think that piece I mentioned earlier about positivity and optimism -- just trying to show someone how they can answer a question a bit better, or how they can present themselves in a way that is going to make an impression on the interviewer. So trying to pick out the positive pieces of feedback and giving feedback constructively.

Also, as I said, working in the HR space, I had inside knowledge of what recruiters and interviewers are looking for. So I was able to share that as well. And I think also just being very organized -- being able to put together a job guide or interview prep questions. That helped in my favor, and I guess helped her as well in the end.

And I think just having a bit of an entrepreneurial spirit -- being able to start up my own business, even if it was just for a short period of time. Just thinking, I need to do something with my time for the next four months, what should I do? And being able to help out a handful of people in that way.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (21:21.016)

Do you think you will start another business?

Torie (21:24.705)

Potentially, but it would not be in career coaching. It would look a lot different -- possibly public speaking, writing a book. So it would be more of a bricolage of things that I do. It wouldn't be just helping people in one way, but bringing together my skill sets to further my own kind of mission and goals for how I view the world.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (21:53.07)

Can you recall a situation where you overcame a challenge that led to personal growth? What did you learn from that experience?

Torie (22:02.288)

Yeah, I think one of the biggest challenges in my life was losing my father. He died from alcoholism. I mean, my whole life I remember him drinking. But I feel like once he passed away, everything kind of shifted. It went from, okay, I don't like him being alcoholic or what it's doing to him, to realizing the real implications, the real impact, the real consequences of alcoholism -- that you can lose your life. And seeing how he looked when he passed away, being there in those last moments before he passed, all of that kind of sticks with you in a very deep and heavy way. And so I actually re-evaluated my own life. I started getting into the gym. I stopped drinking alcohol myself -- although I was nowhere near alcoholic, I was drinking socially -- and I just decided I'm not drinking at all. It was probably a really radical approach, but because of what I had seen and experienced, it made sense and it was what felt right to me. To this day, it's been over two years since I've had any kind of alcohol at all. And I'm proud to say that. But I really started to take care of my body a lot more.

My dad was only 49 when he passed away. That's very, very young. And I was in my early to mid-20s. There are some people I know whose parents are like 80 years old -- my mom still has her mom, which is my grandma. That's the longevity, the legacy that I want to be able to be a part of for my own children, for their children, and hopefully their children. And in order to do that, you have to take care of yourself.

So yeah, that was a big challenge. It's still a challenge. Grief comes in waves -- it's never just, you dealt with it, it's over and done with. It comes and it goes. Being a mom now and looking back at pictures with my dad, it just hits a little different. Like, I know what it feels like to be at a first birthday party. Whereas when I was looking at those pictures a year ago, they didn't have that same impact. Now I'm crying over a picture I've seen a hundred times. So yeah, the grief comes and goes.

Torie (24:16.564)

That's something that I've learned -- and just learning that you only get one body, you only get one life. You have to take care of yourself.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (24:36.866)

Thank you.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (24:48.078)

You are listening to ABWilson's Heart of the Matter podcast. Welcome back to ABWilson's Heart of the Matter. My guest today is Torie Slaughter. Torie, we've just talked about your dad and the lessons that you learned around his passing. We've talked about your joy and love of shot put, and your study abroad in the UK where you are still living, and nursing your son -- who has just turned one. What health practices or strategies help you to sustain your energy and motivation while navigating your journey?

Torie (25:36.596)

Yes, the main thing is going for walks. I didn't realize how important that was until I started doing it daily. It's really important for me and my son. I notice his mood is a lot better when we go outside compared to when we don't. Just getting fresh air. And I actually don't listen to any music or any podcasts or anything -- I just listen to the sounds of nature and the cars going by, being in my own thoughts or engaging with my son as we walk. That is the most important thing. There are also days where my husband is in the office and it's just me and the baby at home, and I really find that getting out helps to reset us -- both of us -- and just gives me the space to not feel trapped in the house and like I'm losing my mind after several hours. So that's been the main game changer for me: walking.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (26:37.774)

How might sharing your experiences of success and growth create a positive ripple effect in your family, community, and the world?

Torie (26:48.34)

Specifically for my family, I know that my son will be able to look back once I finish my PhD and know his mom was a doctor. He may not know exactly what that journey looked like, but that's something he'll be able to take pride in -- that I achieved the highest level of education that I could. And what that means for him, the expectations that might be there for him -- not to become a doctor, but just to do well and strive to do his best. And then I also think about the implications for the community and the world -- being able to bring, to both of those, the things that I have to offer, being knowledgeable in certain spaces.

I mentioned earlier that diversity and inclusion is my area of focus, my area of research. And that really is aiming to create a sense of belonging for the world, for individuals, regardless of your background, regardless of where you come from. So I don't know exactly what that will look like or how it will pan out, but knowing that those are my ethos, that's my core, that's my firm belief system that I operate around -- I believe I'll be able to impact people positively. Sharing my stories of how I got to where I am, so that other people who look like me can see that it's possible, we can do this. And even those who don't look like me can know that there are people who have gone through different paths in life to make it to their final destination or their end goals -- that it's possible, it's achievable.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (28:38.7)

I know we've talked about your PhD program. When do you complete it? When do you finish?

Torie (28:41.62)

The goal is 2027, mid to end 2027. But, you know, PhDs can go on for five years. It's not really a fixed end date -- it just depends on when I finish analyzing and writing up. But the goal is 2027.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (29:03.214)

I look forward to hearing about your graduation.

Torie (29:07.828)

Well, thank you.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (29:09.206)

And you talked about belonging. I've done a lot of work around belonging, a lot of reading, a lot of writing. Tell me what that looks like in the corporate sense for you. And I know that you've mentioned your work around DEI. A lot of organizations are changing DEI to belonging. Tell me about that. Tell me what that looks like.

Torie (29:27.028)

Mm-hmm.

Torie (29:34.462)

Mm-hmm.

Torie (29:38.984)

Yeah, I think what it means to belong will be different depending on who you speak to. And I think the important piece is trying to understand that -- understand what people's needs are, because they're different. Some people may need support that another person doesn't. And being able to meet them where they are is going to help them to feel like they belong. I think it's really important to have those conversations: what does it mean to belong to you? What does it look like for you to belong? Asking the right questions, having the right conversations, and allowing people to feel comfortable to express themselves. I think the biggest piece is psychological safety -- not being afraid to say certain things or to show up in certain ways because you think you may be retaliated against or judged. If you feel psychologically safe to share your thoughts, to share your opinions, to share your backgrounds and perspectives, then it makes it easier to have those conversations about what makes you feel like you belong, or to create other safe spaces for other individuals. And psychological safety -- it's kind of a buzzword in this space, and how you achieve it is another big question. I can't say that I have the answer right away, because the contexts are always different -- the different types of organizations people work in, their colleagues, their field -- all of that impacts the way people are able to feel safe. What it looks like for one person may look different for someone else, but being able to have those conversations is key.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (31:27.15)

To somebody who's listening -- and I'm not going to assume there's a right way to do this, because there's not one way to begin -- how would you begin to have a conversation around belonging, especially in the workplace? In the US, I attended a conference maybe two years ago around loneliness.

Torie (31:38.909)

Mm.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (31:56.878)

It was put on in the UK.

Torie (31:57.831)

Mmm.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (32:00.59)

But I attended online, and they looked at loneliness over the next five years and had a lot of speakers talking about belonging and what loneliness and isolation do. And I've seen the study by the former US Surgeon General around loneliness and isolation. And just based on the work that I've done, one of my friends said to me, in terms of people who are lonely socially,

Torie (32:06.781)

Mm-hmm.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (32:30.146)

that lonely people come to work. So how would you begin that conversation? How would you begin to help people address loneliness in terms of belonging within the workplace?

Torie (32:30.205)

Mm.

Hmm.

Torie (32:46.183)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think -- if I were to approach this based on my own knowledge and background -- first I would collect data anonymously, because sometimes people aren't willing to come out right and say this is what I'm dealing with, or that I feel lonely, or I don't feel like I belong. So being able to collect data anonymously by having open-ended questions -- do you feel like you belong? Yes or no? Why not? And hopefully people feel safe that this is an anonymous forum. And then you're able to take that anonymous feedback into a wider space -- whether it be a focus group, or a lunch and learn, or some kind of workshop -- something that brings people together and starts to surface themes and some of the strongest responses that came back from the data collection. And doing it in a low-pressure, sincere way: "We want to address things that have come up, and we're doing this so that we can move forward in a positive direction as a team." The language is collective, not individual -- we're not trying to single out or figure out who said what, but instead trying to come together as a team and move forward. Understanding that there are going to be nuances to that, but trying to address it as a collective as best as possible. I think that's kind of how you start. You have to first have the data. You have to first know that people don't feel like they belong before you try to go and say, "Let's improve belonging." Well, what exactly needs to be improved? Why do people feel lonely? You have to understand that in a safe way first before you can address it in a wider space.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (34:46.946)

Thank you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on that. I'm always curious about ways that we can help people feel connected, feel

Torie (34:49.629)

Mm-hmm.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (34:58.67)

as if they belong in more than one space, right? Because my view is, you may feel a connection at work, but what happens outside of the workplace? Because while we spend most of our time at work, we do have social time. And that's what I'll call time outside of work, whether you're at home or out.

Torie (35:03.965)

Mm-hmm.

Torie (35:12.06)

Exactly.

Torie (35:22.119)

Mm-hmm.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (35:25.804)

There are social times, and you can feel lonely even in the midst of a crowd.

Torie (35:31.067)

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, exactly. Yeah, and I think -- I've said this before in other spaces -- we underestimate the role that organizations play. A lot of organizations see their job as what's happening within their four walls, even though their work may impact the community. And if that's the case, then creating a sense of belonging outside of the workplace for their employees is also really important. There are organizations that may give you points, or even financial incentives, for going to the gym or working out or taking care of your body in different ways. If we can do that for physical wellbeing, there are other ways too -- paying for therapy, for example. Doing things outside of just the four walls, offering benefits and experiences, community engagement. I think organizations have that responsibility as well, even if they're not nonprofit or overtly community-driven. We all are still a community. They operate within the society of the world, and with that comes responsibility to those that interact with them.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (36:46.062)

Thank you. Torie, what exciting opportunities do you see on the horizon? How do these opportunities align with your passions and aspirations?

Torie (36:59.347)

Yeah, I mean, I can't see too far past this PhD. And so that means research publications, public speaking engagements, or attending conferences. That is a big part of the PhD besides just the writing up and doing the research -- being able to present that to different audiences, being able to build a brand. I am trying to build up my LinkedIn engagement as well, because I feel like in order to have impact, it's not just about holding the degree title or doing the research, but being able to disseminate and engage and build community. So that's what I see on the horizon, and also for long-term goals as well -- but to get started in that arena, to have my name and my research and my work be recognized outside of my university community.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (37:58.36)

Good luck.

Torie (38:00.01)

Thank you.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (38:02.049)

What brings you joy?

Torie (38:04.851)

I think spending time with my family brings me joy, and spending time with God as well. Because, like you said, we spend a lot of time at work, focused on things that sometimes, in the grand scheme, you realize don't really matter. But what does matter is being able to be with your family. So if we go to the park together, or we go out to eat, or even if it's just us in the living room watching a show and we're all there in one space -- that really stays with me at the end of the day, that I had those moments with my son and my husband. And the other piece, most importantly, going to church, being able to read my Bible, learning more about the word of God, feeling like I see God's work in my life -- that brings me a lot of joy as well and reminds me that I'm not alone. Even when everything else fades away, that is a centerpiece in my life still.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (39:13.258)

What book recommendations do you have? It can be a book you've read recently or something that has stayed with you over the years.

Torie (39:22.444)

Yes, there's this book called Love in Color and the author is Bolu Babalola. Let me try to get that right. It has stuck with me -- I've read it twice. There are short stories based in different contexts of the diaspora, all different kinds of love stories and variations. I think there may be 10-plus short stories, so it doesn't feel like you're reading one long novel. And you can come back to it a year down the line and you may have forgotten what one particular story talked about but remember another one vividly. I think it was my first time engaging with short stories as an adult when I read that. And I love romance novels and all things love. So it's a really good book.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (40:20.472)

Thank you.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (40:25.11)

Torie, is there anything else? Do you have any final thoughts that you'd like to share?

Torie (40:31.938)

You know, I think something that is just sitting with me recently is -- you don't know people's stories. You don't know what people are going through, or what might have happened even two minutes before you had a conversation with them. And so just giving people grace, operating from a place of lack of negative judgment, just trying to remain optimistic and positive. We all are going through life in our own ways, and being respectful of that -- giving grace. I think it's important. Yeah, I think it's just important that we're not trying to judge people, because we just don't know what people are going through. That's something I'm always trying to constantly remind myself.

Because yeah, I think I've experienced enough where something has happened and then you find out later, they went through this or that. And you're like, okay. Or you go through things yourself -- you lash out on someone and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, such and such just happened. And if we just keep that in mind, then I think we'd all be kinder to each other.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (41:48.692)

And kindness will take all of us a long way -- even if it's just one kind word, a helping hand, a smile even. And I've noticed that just smiling at people makes a difference for some.

Torie (41:54.053)

Exactly.

Torie (42:00.069)

Amen.

Torie (42:04.74)

Exactly, exactly.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (42:08.119)

Torie, thank you for your time today. The appreciation nuggets that I'm taking away are what you've just said: giving people grace -- you don't know their journey, you don't know where they've just come from even two minutes ago. And I'm also taking away

Torie (42:23.975)

Mm-hmm.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (42:32.746)

your comments about belonging -- what does it look like for you to belong, and for people to be in a space of belonging? And the fact that there needs to be some level of psychological safety. You also said grief comes in waves; it hits a little different each time. You only get one body, one life. You have to take care of yourself.

Torie (42:50.514)

Thank you.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (43:01.342)

And the work that you're doing with Black women who are working in the DEI space, and the differences that they're experiencing in today's environment. Torie Slaughter, thank you so much.

Torie (43:22.213)

Thank you.

Aderonke Bademosi Wilson (43:25.622)

I appreciate you taking the time to join me on ABWilson's Heart of the Matter, a podcast dedicated to asking overwhelmingly positive questions as we uncover incredible stories and wisdom of people you may know. Torie Slaughter, thank you for being here.

Torie (43:44.055)

Thank you for having me. Thank you so much.