024- Beyond Physical Clutter: The Emotional Impact of a Cluttered Space with Sasia Lile

Decluttering Your Mind and Your Life: A Conversation with Sasia Lile

Join Melissa Hinman as she chats with career therapist and decluttering coach Sasia Lile about the power of decluttering your physical and mental space. Learn how to overcome emotional barriers to decluttering and create a more peaceful and organized life.

Key Takeaways:

1. The Power of Somatic Decluttering: Understand how physical clutter can be connected to emotional and mental clutter.
2. Breaking Down the Clutter: Learn practical tips for decluttering your space, one small step at a time.
3. Prioritizing Self-Care: Discover the importance of self-care in decluttering your life and creating a more fulfilling existence.

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Disclaimer:  I am not a medical doctor. The information and recommendations provided during our coaching sessions are intended to support your overall health and wellness and are not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment. Always consult with your physician before making any changes to your medication, treatment plan, or if you have any concerns about your health. 

Transcript

Decluttering Trauma

Speaker 1 2:28

Good morning and happy Monday. Welcome back to another episode of the Smash the Crash podcast. Today I am very excited to have one of my mastermind buddies we are in the same coaching cohort together with our business coach and I am so excited to introduce Sasha Lyle, who is a career therapist and who has poured her focus into declutter coaching.

Speaker 2 2:57

Hi, Sasha, so good to be here. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited.

Speaker 1 3:02

Absolutely. Me too. Me too, because this is something that I truly need a lot of focus on, and I feel like a lot of my listeners do as well, and I feel like a lot of my listeners do as well. So let's just open it up and, if you don't mind introducing yourself more in detail, and share a little bit about who you are, who you serve, how you serve them and what led you to where you are right now.

Speaker 2 3:26

Yeah. So you caught me at a great time because I'm actually mid pivot in my business, so this is exciting. So I, as Melissa said, I'm a therapist. I spent 15 years working in the mental health industry, specifically with women, most of whom had a trauma history and or an addiction history. So I am super passionate about helping women get through their mental and emotional blocks, as well as their physical clutter and the socially conditioned expectations that women take on and absorb, that hold them back, that keep them playing small in life, that impact their mental capacity and their confidence to move forward in their lives and in their businesses. So I really want to help women rewire their limiting beliefs so that they can release the clutter and the expectations in their lives that are bogging them down and then open up the capacity and ability to take that next step into the next thing and really make their life exactly what they want it to be. So that's one thing about me. So that's one thing about me.

Speaker 1 4:43

And that's fantastic because I feel like I'm sure there's a lot to decluttering, not just physical clutter but also like the mental and internal clutter, and I imagine it's probably like an onion right where you're just kind of really peeling back the layers, an onion right when you're just kind of really peeling back the layers.

Speaker 2 4:58

So yeah, absolutely yeah. So in my if I can just share a little like, yeah, I can approach it, yeah, the onion is totally an adequate metaphor. That's completely accurate that. So my, my program is structured with kind of three phases. They're my three pillars of my program. So we start with semantics. This is your body.

Speaker 2 5:17

And being able to tune in to what is physically happening to you as you're approaching either a space you want to simplify and declutter or an object or an item that you're thinking about getting rid of that feels heavy to you. Where is that in your body? And being able to understand the signals that your body is sending to you. As you may know, your body stores all the information of your entire past. It holds the record of every experience you've ever had in your life. So, even though we may not consciously be aware, we do store information and sometimes trauma in our body. So, even though you might think that something is very easy to let go of and you might be feeling shameful or guilty or ridiculous for not being able to let this thing go that seems so simple to get rid of, there's some reason that you can't do that and that information is locked in your body somewhere.

Speaker 2 6:14

So I think the somatic element is so important and that really came to me from my career in working with trauma that this is a key element to moving through trauma. You can't move past it until you've dealt with the body. You can't leave the body behind. It's been with you the entire time. It's experienced everything you've ever experienced.

Speaker 2 6:33

You have to pay attention to, nurture, love and care for your physical self and that, in my experience, is really what helps you unlock the ability to tap into your thoughts, understand what's happening in your brain, be able to shift the beliefs that you really want to shift, and then that's when we can move into the physical decluttering, where we actually now are able to shift the beliefs that you really want to shift. And then that's when we can move into the physical decluttering, where we actually now are able to release the items that we want to release or really critically evaluate what we want to keep and what we don't want to keep in our lives. And we can do that with much more ease Once we've addressed and calmed down our nervous system, we've processed whatever memories and emotions and things are attached to the stuff. Then we can let the stuff go, without all the drama.

Speaker 1 7:23

That is so deep. I'm going right back to the whole, like your body how did you say that? Again, your body literally holds a record of everything that you've ever experienced and when, just by you saying that, I'm like, oh, like, that makes a lot of sense, right, but then you're like really thinking that it just goes so deep. It goes so deep and herein lies why you are so needed for decluttering, for the somatic and the physical, oh my God, okay. So we kind of went through. I think a little bit of you know what some of the main drivers for women, because they're accumulating physical clutter is related to some sort of trauma. Can you dive into a little bit more about that and why certain things might be hard to get rid of because of their main drivers?

Speaker 2 8:20

Yeah, so sometimes it is how we classically think of trauma being related to. Like, if you've moved around a lot or you had a lot of instability in your childhood, maybe you find it harder to let go of things because this feels safe to you. This helps create a sense of security for you to have your stuff with you all the time. I've heard, for example, stories of like kids who grew up with parents in the military and, like, every year or two they're moving and they don't ever have any consistency. They don't ever have a place where they really feel like they belong. So the only thing that they really feel gives them that sense of belonging and safety is the things that they always take with them, those special like stuffed animals and the toys that they get really attached to and the jewelry that they wore when they had that really special time in Florida with their best friend that they had to move away from two years later, right Like. There are things like that that we build memory in. With that we kind of pair together in our mind and that makes it really hard to let go of things. When we've equated that with a sense of safety, with a specific memory, that causes us to bring up a feeling that we want to have, that we don't feel like we can access in another way. So that's one way that that can kind of happen, and another way that it can happen is what I think of as socialization trauma.

Speaker 2 9:39

Women are really conditioned to have very specific sets of beliefs about what they're supposed to do, how they're supposed to look, how they're supposed to act, the way they're supposed to do, how they're supposed to look, how they're supposed to act, the way they're supposed to show up, what's appropriate for their age, what's appropriate for their socioeconomic status. All of these things are converging on us and giving us information about the way we're supposed to present in the world. And so when we are thinking about, okay, how do I look professional at my job? What is going to make me look good in this interview, we might be holding on to things that we believe cause other people to see us in a certain way, and it can feel difficult to let go of that stuff because it's challenging the social messages that we've been given for so long, that we've just absorbed and integrated into our psyche.

Speaker 1 10:29

So I have to say that when you're talking about the whole moving around and the military, it struck an internal nerve with me, and not in like a bad way, but just such a very deep and personal way and for everyone who listens to this podcast, you may not know me personally, but I am a product of military life up until third grade, and so I was born in Germany.

Prioritize Self-Care and Decluttering

Speaker 1 10:59

I lived there till I was five. I went to kindergarten in Arizona, I went through first through third grade in Michigan and now you know my parents had divorced when I finished third grade and then I moved to Pennsylvania, which is where I currently live now, because that's where my mom's family was originally from. But everything that you were saying, with the moving and like having to say goodbye to the friend that you had in this state because you're never going to see them again, and taking stuff that feels very comforting to you this makes so much personal sense to me and, I hope, to everyone who's listening too, in other things that you have said. But I'm like, oh my gosh, sasha, we're going to have to really talk offline, because decluttering is definitely one of my issues, which is why I really wanted you to have you on my podcast and this is like. This is very enlightening. So sorry to digress, but I just had to put that out there.

Speaker 2 11:58

Yeah, I love that. I love that because I think it really exemplifies why I think women think that there is something wrong with them if they can't, like, just read the book and do the steps in with them, if they can't just read the book and do the steps in the book, or they can't watch the YouTube video and just follow along with it and like why can't I get rid of this stuff, why can't I let it go? It's because none of that stuff is addressing the really personal and deep emotional triggers that are happening when you are coming up against the idea of letting go of this stuff. It feels threatening to your body to let that go. So that's why you can't just take a cookie cutter approach. You can't just read a book all the time Some women can, sometimes you can do that and it can be a really great place to start to get some education around it and kind of see what feels okay for you to let go.

Speaker 2 12:44

But when you are coming up on things that are really triggering for you, you have to incorporate that somatic element and that cognitive element if you want to be able to let it go. You will not be able to do it and that's not because there's something wrong with you. It's not because you can't do it.

Speaker 1 13:00

It's just because you don't know how to tune into and shift internally the way you need to to be able to give yourself permission to release it, yes, permission, giving ourselves permission for multiple things too but ohopause, menopause, growing children, aging parents, all the things right, a time when their hormones are like on this roller coaster ride, in addition to like managing multiple schedules and pets, and it's like the perfectly imperfect storm. What advice would you give to start?

Speaker 2 13:56

Yeah, I mean I would like to encourage you to just go back and listen to the list that Melissa just ran through of, like these are all the things that are weighing on your mind, that are like on you to manage and be responsible for. Right and this probably isn't even an all-inclusive list right, like there's more, there's always more, and so I just want to really encourage you to just be so so gentle with yourself. Be so, so kind and compassionate to yourself. You are doing so much and you are doing enough. You are 100% doing enough. You are enough.

Speaker 2 14:33

It is all going to be okay, but you have to take care of yourself. You have to invest in yourself first. You don't have the capacity to take care of anyone or anything else the way you probably want to, and you're not going to show up the way you want to unless you take care of yourself. And this is very counter conditioning to what women are taught.

Speaker 2 14:53

We're taught that we only get to prioritize ourselves when everyone else is happy and everyone else's needs are met and everything else is taken care of. It's never taken care of, it's never done. It will never happen If you wait until everything is perfectly aligned for you to finally give yourself a chance to prioritize yourself. You're going to be waiting forever. You're going to die with yourself at the bottom of that priority list, and that, to me, is unacceptable, unacceptable. So please, please, please, find a way to prioritize yourself, even if it's one time for five minutes. Prioritize yourself once a day for five minutes and see what happens. Do it for 30 days and see how that changes your life. See how that changes your life, see how that changes your mind, see how that changes your relationship with yourself. That's where the magic happens, and that is what I really want to encourage you to invest in.

Speaker 1 15:45

I love that that is so huge and that really goes back to giving yourself permission to let go of something, giving yourself permission to work on yourself and take time for yourself, even if it's five minutes. Yes, so here on the Smash the Crash podcast and community, we're we're all about implementing small micro habits that eventually add up to really big results. And I know I know I know personally from taking your declutter challenge that you are big into small micro habits. Also, what are the first one or two things that our midlife listeners could do today to start to declutter, to feel a little bit more energized and a little bit more empowered?

Speaker 2 16:37

Yeah. So I encourage you to pick one space to start in first. Do not try to declutter the whole house. Don't put on your to-do list declutter my house this weekend. That is not a strategy for success. We have to make it smaller. And something that our brain is not going to say, absolutely not Like. Our brain is not interested in these big, momentous goals. It can't operate that way. It's really interested in conserving energy. So you're doing yourself a favor by creating the micro steps. So pick one space to start in. Pick the smallest part of that space.

Speaker 2 17:11

I encourage and my declutter challenge is centered around decluttering in your bedroom first. I think that's so important because there's so much advice out there about starting in community spaces, in places like the kitchen or the living room, high traffic areas where a lot of people are moving around all the time. It does definitely impact the functionality and the flow of your life to declutter those spaces and that is important impact the functionality and the flow of your life to declutter those spaces, and that is important and it's important to prioritize yourself. So I encourage you to start in the bedroom, because this is what is going to allow your nervous system to actually get the rest and the recharge that it needs for you to have the energy that will then allow you to manage the rest of the things. So start in your bedroom is my best advice to you and start on the floor first.

Speaker 2 17:57

Always focus on the floor first when you're decluttering, because this is a space that feels the most threatening to your brain. It takes the most energy for your brain to assess for threats on the floor versus places that are higher up, easier to see, easier to assess for risk and danger, which is what our brains are designed to do. So this is always happening. You can't turn that off. So start on the floor first, start in one small space first and go get my declutter challenge so I can walk you through the rest.

Speaker 1 18:25

Oh, yes, yes. So all of Sasha's information is going to be in the show notes, the link to her declutter challenge. Make sure you sign up for her weekly newsletter. It's amazing, I'm on it and every time she sends something I'm like, oh my God, she's speaking to me again. But yes, and that really ties into the smash, the crash power plan, which really dives into one section of sleep. You want to make your bedroom a sleep sanctuary because you really want to focus on seven to nine hours of sleep. So go get your declutter challenge so you can turn your bedroom into your sleep sanctuary, so you can get the amount of sleep that you need to be able to be energized for the next day. Awesome, all right, sasha, I have a couple last minute questions for you. I'm calling this the question blitz. I did not send these to you in advance because I kind of wanted to do it on the spot.

Speaker 2 19:24

All right, let me get my tea. I'm ready.

Speaker 1 19:28

What are you currently been binge watching besides Doc McStuffins?

Speaker 2 19:33

Oh, the great British baking Show is my jam.

Speaker 1 19:36

I love it oh man, yeah.

Empowering Women Through Self-Care

Speaker 2 19:38

So I can't handle like the real high drama anymore. I just I don't have the capacity for that anymore. I used to really love things like the Vampire Diaries and that kind of stuff which are like so juicy and like hard to follow, and I don't know why I ever like that. Because it's because you can get sucked in. That's why I liked it, because I was like numbing out with it. So my hope is that by binging the great British baking show I'll just learn how to like make delicious, amazing, like six-tiered cakes and stuff. It hasn't happened for me yet, but I'm gonna keep I've actually been told by someone else about that.

Speaker 1 20:07

Um, the, the great British baking show. Yeah, it's so good, right, my husband and I are watching Breaking Bad, so kind of like totally polar opposite of the baking show. All right. Number two what is your morning routine? How do you start your day?

Speaker 2 20:28

Yeah, my day does not start until I do some yoga and meditation. I know that sounds like very cliche, but it is the pillar of my day, it is the foundational stone that cannot move, because if it does, the rest of my day is just called hopsy turvy. So even my three-year-old knows when the door is shut, you do not come in this bedroom. This is my time, this is for me. I am prioritizing myself for this 20 minutes of the day. You can have me the rest of the day, but this time is mine. So I'm really trying to instill in her both respect for my boundaries and teach her that you do get to prioritize yourself. Even if other people want your attention, you do get to say nope, this time is for me, you can have my attention later. Right now is mine, absolutely.

Speaker 1 21:12

And that's just so great to teach at such a young age too, so they can be empowered. Okay, and lastly, if you could drop everything right now, where would you go and what would you do?

Speaker 2 21:30

I have been thinking about how can I get to Fiji or the Maldives. I just want to be in one of those like villas over the top of the ocean, right when you can walk down the stairs and go into the ocean.

Speaker 2 21:43

I'm like scared of sharks, so I don't know why I want to do that, but I just really want to do that. So I don't know. I think I'm just like. This is the next element of my personal development, and personal growth is like to challenge that fear. So I just want to find a way to get there, and that's on my bucket list next.

Speaker 1 21:59

That sounds like an amazing bucket list and, if I recall at least, pictures I've seen of those little villas over top of the water. The water is so clear you should be able to see a shark, if there's one there anyways. Yeah, absolutely yeah it'll be.

Speaker 2 22:11

Totally yeah, absolutely, yeah, it'll be totally.

Speaker 1 22:20

Oh, that's awesome. All right, that's the end of my question. Blitz Sasha, I thank you so much for taking the time to meeting with me. We're gonna have lots to talk about offline, I'm sure. Do you want to end with anything else that's on your mind?

Speaker 2 22:31

Yeah, I just want to thank you so much for having me. This has been so much fun and if anyone listening has any questions, I'm such an open book. I am so passionate about helping women just move to the next phase of their life, like step into your next era. I'm here for it. So if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me. But I want you to just really leave with knowing that everything you're doing is more than enough and you are such an amazing mom and such an amazing woman and you are going to have such an incredible life. If you just are willing to take this time and energy to invest in yourself a little bit at a time, it will transform everything. So, please keep taking care of yourself. Show yourself so much love. You deserve it every bit as much as everyone else in your life does. Thanks, sasha.