Immersion
A search for how to live a meaningful life in the modern world by applying psychology and philosophy. Let’s dive 30 minutes beneath the surface each Sunday together. | Hosted by Pamela Carey
Leave a voice message for the show here: https://www.speakpipe.com/pamelacarey
Write in here: https://www.pamcarey.com/contact
This podcast is a production of Bounding Husky LLC doing business as Pamela Carey Enterprises
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional or licensed psychologist
Immersion
Why You Feel Like You’re Never Enough (Contingent Self-Worth) (series part 4)
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Do you ever feel like your value as a person depends entirely on your last achievement, your productivity, or what someone else thinks of you? You’re not alone.
This is part 4 in our 10 part series on improving our relationship with ourselves. (See the whole self-worth series here:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPJBR0a3Yz6vsH5TkuPFtd2b7YgbL11OG )
And in this episode we’re diving deep into the concept of contingent (or conditional) self-worth - that exhausting cycle of making our worth dependent on external factors. We talk about where this comes from, whether it’s a lack of supportive "mirrors" growing up, or just a natural byproduct of living in a highly transactional society.
Also covered in this episode:
- Deconstruction of the word "worth" itself and ask a radical question: Is "worth" even the right metric we should be pursuing?
- Addressing the secret fear we all have - if I fully accept myself right now, will I lose my drive and become lazy?
- Why certain people inherently crave and need external validation more than others.
- Practical steps you can take to shift toward true, unconditional self-worth.
If you've ever felt like you're constantly running on a hamster wheel trying to prove you're "enough," this conversation is for you.
Timestamps:
00:00 Conditional or contingent self-worth (and why it doesn't work long-term)
03:00 Evolutionary reasons it is normal to crave some external validation
04:30 How this is similar to falling in love - now just with ourselves
06:13 Where does this tendency to outsource our self-worth come from? (Home lives & society)
09:38 Taking apart the word "worth" - is there a better term for this?
10:36 A practice to increase unconditional self-love
11:32 Branches of psychology and philosophy that support this mindset
13:39 Will I become lazy or immoral if I believe I am inherently worthy?
16:20 People who seem to have more or less of a need for validation
18:54 A laundry list of action steps
26:42 Why this is an ongoing journey, not a one-and-done fix
28:51 Diversifying our self-concept
30:16 Clarifying some definitions
Part 1 of Self-worth Series can be found here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/19265696
Full Self-worth series playlist on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPJBR0a3Yz6vsH5TkuPFtd2b7YgbL11OG
Resources mentioned:
Article mentioned that covers the following: "self-affirmation often involves recalling personal values, strengths, or relationships to restore moral integrity." https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11024277/
Do attractive people have easier lives? https://youtu.be/dY-Ct2O-ML4
On perfectionism: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/16439411
On grit: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/18565769
Instagram - we will be posting here soon
