I'm not a survivor or a thriver.

Words shape our reality, especially when facing life-altering diagnoses. My cancer journey began December 7th, 2021—terrible timing for a small business owner with three ventures heading into the holiday rush. But beyond the logistical nightmare was an unexpected challenge: finding language that authentically described my experience.

Days after my diagnosis, while working alone in my shop trying to process genetic testing decisions, a well-meaning stranger approached. He insisted I was already a "survivor," though I'd barely begun facing cancer. As he continued his unsolicited pep talk, I felt increasingly disconnected from this label thrust upon me. The discomfort only deepened as others encouraged me to "stay in the fight" and "kick cancer's ass." Having served two deployments in Iraq, these battle metaphors rang hollow—I'd entered war feeling prepared and trained, while cancer left me feeling utterly vulnerable and unprepared.

Throughout treatment, I struggled to find accurate terminology. After surgery removed the tumor, I couldn't say "I have cancer," but "I had cancer" didn't capture my ongoing experience. What surprised me most was discovering that despite cancer's prevalence, we lack nuanced vocabulary for describing this complex journey. While some find empowerment in "survivor" or "thriver" labels, these terms can also create pressure or minimize ongoing challenges. The language that finally resonated for me was simply "someone who experienced cancer"—acknowledging what happened without letting it define me. What matters most is allowing each person to choose their own cancer terminology, honoring the deeply personal nature of this journey and the power of language to shape how we heal.

What terminology resonates with your cancer experience? Join the conversation and share your thoughts.

Chapters

• 1:00 Business Owner's Cancer Diagnosis
• 4:09 The Uncomfortable "Survivor" Label
• 7:02 Fighting Words and War Metaphors
• 8:22 Evolving Cancer Terminology
• 11:05 Finding Personal Language for Cancer
• 14:15 Respecting Individual Cancer Journeys

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:30

This is a mic test, mic test mic test. Okay, when I was diagnosed with cancer, I owned three businesses a busy and popular outdoor retail store in my town, a seasonal ski shop where I tune, sell and rent skis and ski equipment, and Hike Like a Woman, a guiding company. And adventure travel space for and Hike Like a Woman, a guiding and adventure travel company, mostly in the digital space. I was diagnosed with cancer on December 7th 2021, right before the holidays, which was the absolute worst time to get cancer when you own two physical businesses during Q4, the busiest time of the year. I knew that my treatment would affect my shops. I had a bunch of part-time employees, but I was pretty much the only one running the show at least Monday through Thursday, and once again, no one tells you how. And once, and you know, nobody tells you and nobody tells you how to tell people that you have cancer, especially as a small business owner. So I put out a. So I put out a social media post that was just like hey, I have cancer, it's stupid, I don't need anything. But, depending on how things go, I may need to close the shop for a few hours during the week for medical appointments and so on, and it was fine. The community responded with lots of empathy and I thought, okay, the community knows, it's public. I've just been diagnosed with cancer, a few days ago. I can't talk about it without crying, but I'm still going to show up every day at my shop, do my job until I start treatment and have to slow down.

Speaker 1: 2:33

So one day I'm inside my store I think it's like a Tuesday morning or something I'm surrounded by all this cool outdoor clothing and gear in this shop that I'm so proud of, this store that I have built from the ground up, a store that I had nurtured for years, a store that was really successful. And I had just gotten off a phone call with the store was pretty slow. The store was pretty slow that morning and I had just gotten off a call with the nurse navigator and I was trying to figure out genetic testing again and if I needed to have a double mastectomy or a lumpectomy. There's all these decisions about treatment plans that you have to make as soon as you receive a cancer diagnosis. So I'm thinking about what my next steps are and trying to process it trying to talk to insurance company, trying to talk to my insurance company, all the things. There's so many questions that I have and so many problems that I'm trying to figure out in my brain as it relates to cancer, while still running my shop during the fourth quarter of the year when I make all my money.

Speaker 1: 3:46

So it's me, I'm alone in my shop, it's slow, I just got off this phone call, my brain is not thinking about anything in particular, my brain is not in the game and I am extremely emotional. So I'm in my shop. A tall older man walks through the door and I don't know him. He'd only been in my shop once or twice. He wasn't a regular customer. I didn't know his name or anything about him. But he comes up to me and he says my wife had cancer and I'm really sorry, but I want you to know that you're a survivor. And I was like what? I am not a survivor. I literally just found out a week ago that I have cancer. I haven't survived anything yet other than a biopsy and a diagnosis.

Speaker 1: 4:33

He went on and on about how you're a survivor. He went on and on about how you're a survivor the moment you get diagnosed, and he just kept talking about what it means to be a cancer survivor. Meanwhile I just want the conversation to end, but I don't have anywhere to hide and I'm the only one at the shop so I can't fake a phone call and have one of my employees take over, which was our general strategy when someone was just kind of being annoying. So I just stand there and I listen and I feel really weird. So I just stand there and I listen and I feel really weird and as this man is talking about being a survivor being a huge reality TV show fan in my mind, I just imagine Jeff Probst extinguishing my torch and saying the tribe has spoken before throwing a buff into the fire.

Speaker 1: 5:23

That was the extent of what I thought about the word survivor into the fire. That was the extent of what I thought about the word survivor. Looking back on it, I'm sure that the man who stopped in my store was trying to be helpful. He could have really been helpful if he would have opened up his wallet and bought something expensive off my shelves, but he didn't, and I'm sure that the word survivor is one that was meaningful to him and his wife. But it made me deeply uncomfortable. And that discomfort became worse when people started to use words like stay in the fight.

Speaker 1: 5:56

You keep fighting cancer, keep kicking cancer's ass. Fight, fight, fight, Survive, survive, survive. And, to be quite honest, I've got two deployments to Iraq under my belt. I've spent a total of 27 months fighting in an actual war. When I was a soldier, I felt like a warrior, I felt like I was strong, I was well trained, I had a good team and I never went into a fight feeling as incompetent and unprepared as I was when I got my cancer diagnosis. So I could not resonate with the term fighting cancer. Words are so interesting and I think about that a lot.

Speaker 1: 6:54

I had cancer and I probably had a cancerous tumor in my breath and I probably had a cancerous tumor in my breast for years and didn't know about it. But then I had a lumpectomy. The surgeon cut the cancer out of my body so I didn't physically have cancer anymore. So I couldn't say I have cancer, but I could say I had cancer. Now I'm going through chemotherapy. So I was like I'm a cancer patient or I'm in treatment for cancer.

Speaker 1: 7:26

It's also weird just trying to figure out how to talk about cancer and I never thought that language wouldn't exist to describe how I was feeling. I wasn't sure there was. I felt like for sure there would be some way to describe who I was or what I was going through, but there wasn't. What I learned is that everyone has a way to describe cancer and this is a completely individual choice. Completely individual choice. Some people really relate to cancer fight and survivor fight language. They put on their pink ribbon t-shirts and put a fuck cancer bumper sticker on their cars and I acknowledge that this is how they express themselves and if that's you out there, that's awesome.

Speaker 1: 8:23

There are some pros to referring to yourself as a cancer survivor. I think that is a very widely recognized and understood terms and sometimes I do refer to myself as a cancer survivor and sometimes in the past I've referred to myself as a cancer survivor, and sometimes in the past I've referred to myself as a cancer survivor because I haven't known how else to identify with life after cancer. I'm going to talk about what I call myself now in just a minute. The term cancer survivor also emphasizes resilience and the act of overcoming a life-threatening, life-taking illness. The word cancer survivor can also foster a sense of community and shared experience and for some people, referring to yourself as a survivor can provide a sense of hope, maybe a little bit of empowerment, but it can also be negative.

Speaker 1: 9:30

Referring to someone as a cancer survivor can imply that the cancer experience. Referring to someone as a cancer survivor can imply that the cancer experience is over, when in reality many individuals like me feel like even when we get a clean bill of health, we're still a ticking time bomb. Referring to someone as a cancer survivor may not resonate with those who feel they are still actively living with cancer and it can place an emphasis on fighting, which not everyone relates to, and it can give people a label that they didn't choose. Now some people refer to themselves as a cancer thriver and still this hasn't been something that's resonated with me. I think when you for people who refer to themselves as a cancer survivor, it really for someone who refers to themselves as a cancer thriver, it emphasizes not just survival but also living a full and vibrant life after cancer. It promotes a positive and empowering mindset and it can highlight personal growth and transformation that I think often occurs after cancer. But it can also put pressure on someone to always be positive, which may invalidate difficult emotions, and referring to someone as a cancer thriver can seem to minimize the ongoing challenges of living with or after cancer. It may not feel authentic to everyone's experience and it can sometimes create a sense of othering for those who feel they are just surviving.

Speaker 1: 11:39

You could say, wow, she's really getting into the weeds about language here. But I don't know if you're like me. You may think, wow, she's really getting into the weeds here, and who cares? Well, I care, because I don't know if you're like me. But I want a word to describe who I am now and a word to describe where I've been since cancer. Words matter. You can be a survivor or a thriver, and sometimes I do use the word survivor because people know what that means, but I never will use the word thriver. But personally, I will never use the word thriver.

Speaker 1: 12:22

What I think is important about cancer language is to let us choose our own terminology, and the terminology that I like to use is I'm someone who lived with cancer. I'm someone who experienced cancer. I'm someone who had cancer. That way, cancer doesn't define who I am now. It separates me from cancer without making it seem like a war or like I'm at a cancer pep rally. The whole point that I'm trying to make here is that an individual who has experienced cancer should be allowed to choose the words that make sense for them as it relates to their own unique and individual cancer journey.

Speaker 1: 13:15

Now I'm curious. Let's do a little poll in the comments. If you're watching this on YouTube or if you're listening to the audio podcast, maybe pop in and find me on Instagram at hike like woman, and send me a little message. But if you have had cancer, what do you describe yourself as and why? But of course, let's be polite and respectful when we do, because this can be a very emotional topic.

Speaker 1: 13:44

And it's not wrong to call yourself a cancer survivor. It's not wrong to call yourself a cancer thriver. It's not wrong to just say that you're someone who had cancer. But I do think that this is a bigger topic that the overall cancer community. But I do think that this is a topic that the cancer community needs to spend some time thinking about. But I do think this is a fascinating look at feelings and emotions and words and how words matter pertaining to our cancer experience. Anyway, this was a fun pod today and if no one has taught, anyway, it's been a fun pod. Anyway, it's been fun chatting with you today and if no one has told you, I think you're doing a great job navigating life after cancer.