Picked Last: How School PE Trauma Might Still Affect Your Relationship With Exercise

A recent Age UK study found that nearly a third of adults still feel affected by their school PE experiences… with many put off exercise for life.

Not because they’re lazy, but because of how it made them feel.

Being picked last. Feeling judged. Not fitting in.

And what’s interesting is - those moments didn’t stay in childhood. They shaped the story you might still be telling yourself now… “I’m not sporty”, “exercise isn’t for me” or "I’m not good enough…"

So today, we’re getting into that - in a funny lighthearted way - as we share our own personal (traumatic!) experiences.

We look at where these unhelpful beliefs really come from… and how to finally rewrite them in a way that actually works for you now - so you can live midlife healthy, happy and strong.

Struggling with midlife lately? We offer 20 minute chats - for free - to unpick what's going on and help you get clarity on the next steps. 

To book, just drop us an email at team@themdlifementors.com

Transcript

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The Midlife Mentors: Hello, and welcome to another episode of The Midlife Mentors with me, James. And me, Claire. I'm smiling, actually, as we've started to record this, because we've got quite a funny one coming up. It's good, isn't it? It's a good one! It's light hot, well, it's light. I said Claire we should do this, and she shot it down in flames, actually. I did!

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The Midlife Mentors: I think you'll enjoy it, listeners. I did, I did shoot it down in flames, but actually there is some research backing it up, so that made me feel a bit better about it. But then actually reading through some of your notes, I was like, no, this is… this is all quite true, and something that I… I reckon a lot of you are going to relate to. See, listeners, I don't just do this off the hoof. I do prepare and make notes. I mean, it may not sound like it, but I do.

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah, who would think that you would do anything off the hoof?

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The Midlife Mentors: So unlike your personality, James. It is, isn't it? Yeah, anyone that knows us well knows that I am not off the hoof, and James is more likely to be, but actually, this is going to be a fun one. It is, so we're going to be talking about, school PE. What! Those memories of the past, and how they might have shaped your attitude to exercise now. It's based on new research, but before we dive into that…

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The Midlife Mentors: We're sitting on this lovely, sunny day in London. It really feels like spring is in the air. You spoke about the weather first! What have we been up to? Not me! You did it first. It's been a busy, busy week this year. It has. It's been really, really busy,

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The Midlife Mentors: you've just done a workshop for Deloitte today, don't you? There's a workshop for Deloitte in Switzerland around the andropause. Which is awesome, and… yeah, I mean, I've been doing coaching, recording a different podcast, which is really exciting, with someone new, so doing a little project on the side there.

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The Midlife Mentors: I'm doing some work two days a week for a… for my church.

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The Midlife Mentors: That's it! That's it! But it's busy! It's busy! And, like, life just feels so much busier here in London, actually. Ibiza was just a slower pace, so we're… we're still getting used to it. Back 4 weeks now, so I feel like I'm getting into the pace, but you do feel your central nervous system is, like, way more wired here. Like, way more.

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The Midlife Mentors: Don't you?

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The Midlife Mentors: Yes, it's very different to Ibiza in winter, but, you know, if we're in Ibiza now with the clubs, I've seen the Ibiza final boss, he's back over the season, so, you know, it's all going off over there. No, Ibiza is crazy now. I mean, like, we remember in the beach we were living right near, and I said to James yesterday, that beach will be rammed all times of the day now, so our experience of winter in Ibiza will be very

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The Midlife Mentors: very different to what it would be like now. So, yeah, it's just… I love, I do love London in the summer, it's gorgeous. So, spring has sprung! Spring has sprung. So let's get on to it, Mr D. This is… this is your baby. We're talking about, yeah, how PE at school scarred us for life, basically, and there's new research around it. Do you remember those days of PE lessons at school? So, this is interesting. Age UK, the charity, have just commissioned some research around this.

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The Midlife Mentors: Because one of their big things is around getting people in midlife and older moving again. So we're looking at how our memories of school peer, I'm laughing already, might have shaped

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The Midlife Mentors: our perceptions around exercise, and whether that could have encouraged us or put us off, and shockingly, they found that 29%, specifically mid-lifers, I think, 29% still feel traumatized by their school PE. Yeah. And, we might come on to why that might be in a moment. 28%, it felt that they put it off… put them off exercise for life. See, now, that's a serious thing, that's like a third of people.

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The Midlife Mentors: 40% of us remember being picked last.

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The Midlife Mentors: And 40% felt body conscious. It should be important stuff, actually. I think it's actually really interesting, yeah, because it's something we talk about when we're looking at things like, you know, leadership and stuff, like, how our memories of the path actually shape our beliefs going forward, and here's a really concrete example. If you had

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The Midlife Mentors: horrible PE experience. It was just like, well, I just hate exercise, but do you really? We're going to finish on useful reframes for you. Oh, we always finish with the youthful reframes, but it's actually just awareness, bringing awareness to this, might make you think, mmm, oh, that's why I like this, or I put this off, or I avoid this, or why I feel this way.

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The Midlife Mentors: So actually, I think this will be… as I'm just kind of processing what we're going to be talking about today, I'm thinking, oh, I might find out some stuff about myself, actually. Because, yeah, I can totally resonate with 40% remember being picked last. I can definitely resonate with 40% feeling body-conscious. I was at an all-girls school.

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The Midlife Mentors: And, I was actually… sorry, a bit detailed here, but I was one of the first ones to, stop having a period. So, yeah, it was all very uncomfortable PE lessons for me. I hated it. Absolutely hated it. And we had a pool at my school, which was outside and freezing and manky.

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The Midlife Mentors: And… that wasn't pleasant either. Well, you know already that I'm gonna beat you on the trauma scale for school PE, don't you?

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The Midlife Mentors: You went into liking… you went into liking sport. I was scarred, literally, for life. Look, we're gonna go into our personal memories, actually. We are going to go into our personal memories, because they're quite interesting, and possibly even amusing. But I think let's look at this research, let's break it down, because I think it's interesting to look at it, that…

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The Midlife Mentors: there's a psychological barrier being created there for some people around exercise, that PE created this feeling of shame, of comparison, a fear of judgment, even self-worth, you know, like you were saying, these internal narratives we get, like, I'm not sporty, I'm not fit, exercise isn't for me, and that's something that's from a

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The Midlife Mentors: a very young age as a child that then persisted, but of course, not only has behavioural impacts, but has negative health impacts, you know, at midlife and beyond as well. Yeah, and absolutely, it's like, those early experiences, they really do form our identity.

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The Midlife Mentors: And we talk about this a lot in the work that we do, in the Midlife Mentors, in this podcast, we always talk about how powerful those memories are that then shape our beliefs, that then form our stories and our identity. And this is a really powerful one.

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The Midlife Mentors: And I suppose when you're repeatedly, it's not just one memory. When you're repeatedly exposed to something that makes you feel judged, compared, left out, not very good at something, like you're not good enough, like you're a bit of a failure, that repeated exposure, it's gonna make you want to avoid that. You know, your subconscious mind wants to keep you safe, it doesn't want you to feel

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The Midlife Mentors: exposed, it doesn't want you to feel like a failure, so it's gonna avoid any situation that makes you feel like that, if it's repeated over and over again. And,

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah, that… oh, that social comparison, as well. Like, we all do it, But…

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The Midlife Mentors: When we're young, that's when our… Ow.

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The Midlife Mentors: Views of ourself are so moulded and built and shaped.

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The Midlife Mentors: And it really does create that long-term perception of ourselves in comparison to other people. So not just, like, what am I, but what am I in comparison to other people? Yeah.

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The Midlife Mentors: Oh, that's true. And… how I think our experience, it really shapes

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The Midlife Mentors: not only how we see ourselves, but how we see physical activity now. Yes, yes, of course, yeah. It's interesting, so I have a mixed bag of mem… of memories, so… So tell me about some of yours. No, I think when I was growing up… I mean, I know some of yours. Well, hey, listeners, this might sound familiar. Remember when you were at infant school, so we're going a long way back, aren't we? Black clip soles? Yeah, first of all, we had those rubbish Klimt soles that basically offered no support or cushioning at all.

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The Midlife Mentors: But, you know, when you're very young, it's a bizarre things like… do you remember, like, throwing beanbags around? I suppose the idea was to get you getting coordinated. Yeah, and a rope that hung from the ceiling to climb up. So then we got a bit older, and it all… so, I had that.

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The Midlife Mentors: Then I went to a… I went… I lived overseas, there was no sport, so I became a very chubby kid. And then I went to boarding school, and sport was taken very seriously. That's when PE moved up a level. That's when you suddenly had…

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The Midlife Mentors: 10, 30 foot high ropes to climb with no mat underneath, wooden horses to vault over, beams, wooden beams. Yeah. Yeah. British Bulldog. Yes!

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah, some of the games we used to play, as well. So, yeah, so for me, I had that same thing. I was… I would say I was a fairly round…

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah, a little bit chubby, girl at junior school, infant school, junior school, and then went to an all-girls grammar school, and that's obviously when it got… just got worse. I don't think I ever enjoyed physical activity, even when I was really young, at infant school or junior school, and then I really hated it when I got to secondary school.

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The Midlife Mentors: Because I was bullied, and I just… I was always… for me, it was that kind of psychological thing. I don't actually… I know now, actually, my physicality, I was very… I would have been very strong, I would have been very fast at certain things, and very good at certain things, but it was more overcoming that, self-doubt.

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The Midlife Mentors: from the external billion that when it got into sport, and I was always being picked last, it was, yeah, it was that kind of feeling of, I'm not good at this. No one wants me because I'm not good at this. It wasn't just, no one wants me because they don't like me, it's, I'm actually not good at sports. I put those two and two together, layered it on top, and that affected me until I was…

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The Midlife Mentors: In my 30s.

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The Midlife Mentors: Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. 100%. And I never… I know for you, we'll go back to… to you, because you did start doing team sports, I avoided teen sports, and I still do. I still don't… I still don't do team sports. And I… and I… when we first started this podcast, I was thinking, actually, that's going to be really interesting for me to admit to myself.

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The Midlife Mentors: Because it probably still does impact me now. I wouldn't go and play netball or hockey, although I did play a bit of hockey when I was about 12 or 13, and I was very good at it.

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The Midlife Mentors: But then I did quite solo things, like a bit of karate, loved that, was good at that. Yeah, no, I was good, I was good at… but these were all kind of… they weren't where you had to relate to other people and work with other people, because I just didn't feel like anyone would like me, so I kind of stood on the sidelines and just tried to dig quite for my team? Oh, bless you. I would have done… yeah, I did quite solo things, which is why I think I

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The Midlife Mentors: still do solo stuff now? Yeah. I get that. I mean, my teaching was similar in a way, like, because when I came to boarding school, I was quite a chubby.

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The Midlife Mentors: kid. I'm not very sporty. I actually hated sports. At my first prep school, I used to, you know.

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The Midlife Mentors: I used to hate sports. It was always… it was always raining or snowing, and they wanted you to go and do something. I was like, this is terrible, like, what… you know, as a small child, like…

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The Midlife Mentors: And then I arrived at boarding school again after being away, and I, you know, I was, yeah, not in good shape, and picked last, but because I was forced to do a lot of sport, the kind of weight fell off, I got in good shape, and I started to enjoy it, and I, you know, I got involved in team sports.

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The Midlife Mentors: And I guess I was fortunate that the school I was at valued sport and gave us a really great selection of both individual and team, so, you know… I think that's about private school, though, isn't it? Yeah. I think private school's kind of gear… even now, I do believe, even from, like, our clients that we speak to that have got children of their own at…

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The Midlife Mentors: private school and things, and our friends, that's still quite a focus, isn't it? Sport? I think it's great. I think it's absolutely brilliant. Yeah. What's interesting is, it made me think that I was a good all-rounder, but never excelled at any sport, because I could get to, like, a decent level across, like, a whole range of sports, but I wasn't really in…

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The Midlife Mentors: first teams for anything. I guess that's not a bad thing, because I'm not bad at anything, but didn't excel at anything either.

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The Midlife Mentors: But even that, that's… that's a psychological thing as well. You just saying that, I'm like, I can see how that… sorry, that's my email pinging in the background. I… I can see how that…

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The Midlife Mentors: would… would impact you. Like, yeah, you're… you're good at sport, but you're not necessarily being picked for… because you're excelling at any of it. Whereas I just disengaged completely, so I wouldn't have known. I just had a memory, actually, of, running I was good at. Again, though, that was kind of like a show… Oh, I… I… so I'm a… I loved sprinting.

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The Midlife Mentors: And it was only at Sports Day when, you know, no one could pick me. I was just… it was relay, and we were put into teams, so people were forced to run with me in a relay.

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The Midlife Mentors: And I was fast. And I just, I just remember just being so surprised,

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The Midlife Mentors: at Sports Day, when I was a fast sprinter. But now, it makes complete sense to me, because I've got a strong, strong little leg. I might not be very tall, I've got strong, little, powerful, fast legs, and I just wonder what I could have done with them if I'd have liked sport. Yeah, but I also just remembered we, oh my goodness, our school uniform was green.

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The Midlife Mentors: And I don't think they do this anymore, I really hope they don't, but they used to put us in PE knickers. Like, we used to do running around our local area, cross-country running, in all sorts of weather, in tiny P.E. knickers. And because I hated my legs at the time, I was only, like, 11…

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The Midlife Mentors: 11, 12. I hated my legs. I thought they were chubby and fat and horrible.

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The Midlife Mentors: And so they just cut you off at the thigh, at the exact point where your legs were the chubbiest, and I just asked… and then my brother, we used to run past my brother's school, and all my brother's friends were like, haha, isn't that your sister?

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The Midlife Mentors: So it was awful. Humiliating. So they're my stories, until…

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah, until… and then I just, you know, I'd go to the gym occasionally, in my teens… like, late teens, my 20s, but yeah, it wasn't until my 30s that I absolutely fell in love.

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The Midlife Mentors: with whites.

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The Midlife Mentors: And then James… I would say it was James that made me fall into… fall in love with, cardio, and, hits, and all that kind of stuff. But I… I… it wasn't until…

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The Midlife Mentors: you know, I went through my own dark night of the soul, and I really wanted to find a way to get myself off those antidepressants. I didn't want to be on them for the rest of my life, and just get myself out of a hole. I thought, hang on a minute, there's more to this.

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The Midlife Mentors: than just, all the psychology stuff that I know and I teach. I already teach all this stuff. There's gotta be, a link with my body and my, like, my nutrition and my exercise, and… and there was. And that's when I was like, wow.

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The Midlife Mentors: This is amazing, and I came off the antidepressants because… yeah, I just… got that.

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The Midlife Mentors: Unbelievable, amazing feeling of… The endorphin rushes when I… when I did…

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The Midlife Mentors: When I did exercise. But yeah, I think it was… it was that that caused my really unhealthy relationship with food as well. Well, it can do, can't it? Yeah, yeah. Tell me, what was your… what were your best and worst P.E.

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The Midlife Mentors: memories. Oh, well, I think I've just shared them all, like, the knickers were terrible. So that was, that was… Knickers, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then,

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The Midlife Mentors: sitting on the side of the wet, like, the freezing cold, wet, nasty swimming pool that was all slimy and disgusting, and then some of the sixth form boys coming over and seeing us all in our swimsuits. I was so self-conscious, and I hated my body, so that was really… that was, yeah.

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The Midlife Mentors: But yeah, I think… I think this is a really, really big thing. Well done for this… this topic. It's making me realize that actually this would have weaved in to my unhealthy relationship with my body and food.

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The Midlife Mentors: And PE, for me, was really interesting. Yeah, how PE. Well, we had, like, we had, like, games, right? So you'd have the afternoon for sport, and you knew what it was. If it was summer, it was going to be cricket. If it was winter, it was going to be rugby. So posh. But you had… they had P.E. in the timetable, and the times where you always know what you're getting, right? If it says history, you know what's happening. If you say biology, you know… But P.E. Yeah, you're like, turn up, and you're like, are we going to be in the multi-gym stage doing some weights? Are we going for, like, a cross-country run in the rain?

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The Midlife Mentors: Oh, we're gonna do gymnastics? It was like you never knew what was coming at you.

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The Midlife Mentors: So, the things I hated… I hated cross-country running, I just never liked it. Never liked it.

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The Midlife Mentors: But you loved rugby. And rowing? I would say. Rugby, rowing, fencing. Fencing. You were good at fencing, apparently. I was. Yeah.

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The Midlife Mentors: There you. The look she's giving me.

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The Midlife Mentors: Oh, dear, private school is very different to the trauma triggers, on my first ever PE. Oh, I know this is, I know where this is, I've heard this story a few times. You're looking at your little timetable, imagine your little boy there, you look at your timetable, and he's like, I've got PE, what do I need to take for that? And they're like, oh, here, just take your PE kit in this little string drawbag. That they created for you, that the matron would create for you.

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The Midlife Mentors: Anyway, got to the PE lesson, they're like, no, no, we're not doing PE, we're doing swimming. And I was like, but I haven't got my swimmers. They go, well, you're gonna swim naked then. And yes, I had to swim the whole thing naked. That's so horrible. I hate that, don't it? It actually makes me cry. I'm too sensitive with stuff like that. I would get… I would… literally, I would… I hasten to add, my school does not still do that now. No, can you… well, can you imagine? My goodness.

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The Midlife Mentors: But yeah, so I think we talked about how these emotions… Oh, memory, like, it's making me want to go for a run or something. It really isn't, for me. But if you're struggling, if your memories have helped… Yeah, so how that… let's loop this back. Yeah, let's loop back to how you can reframe, like, I think the first is, you know.

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The Midlife Mentors: We can form these ideas when we're young, like, I'm not sporty, I'm no good at this. What a reframe might be, I just haven't found my thing yet, and just be curious and open to trying new stuff.

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The Midlife Mentors: I'd start privately, remove the social pressure, you know, if you never kicked football around, like, don't suddenly go and, like, put yourself in your local five-a-side team, because it's going to put a lot of pressure on you. Start with something you can do on your own, like go to a gym, like a class.

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The Midlife Mentors: Find stuff that you enjoy. People are always asking us, like, what's the best exercise I can do? And look… The one you enjoy. Yeah, the one you enjoy. There are lots of things you could prescribe that are research-based to be more effective, but what you enjoy is best. And we build your confidence gradually.

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The Midlife Mentors: And then rewrite the narrative, you know, this is my version of fitness now, this is what I enjoy to do to keep my body and mind healthy. Yeah, and if you don't know, do what I did, you know, in my early 30s. I didn't have a clue what I was doing in the gym with weights and stuff, so get a PC.

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The Midlife Mentors: get them to show you what you're doing, so you get really, really good results quite quickly, and then you'll be like, this is nice, I like this. So, this is a little challenge, listeners. If any of this resonated and you were giggling and thinking of your own.

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The Midlife Mentors: horror stories. And you're thinking, oh my goodness, yeah, that probably has affected this, that, and the other, like I have. This has been quite an enlightening podcast episode for me. Rewrite. Just do something simple and actionable. So, rewrite your fitness story challenge, is what we're going to put to you. Like, identify one negative PE memory, acknowledge it.

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The Midlife Mentors: Be compassionate with yourself. Go and give that little girl or boy version of you a hug, that's what I would say, and then choose one new form of movement that you can do this week, as James was saying, something that you enjoy, because the one that you stick to is the one that you enjoy.

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The Midlife Mentors: don't… don't keep reverting back to that old identity. Don't get back to the school field or the school swimming pool. Start somewhere new with the identity that you are now, with the beautiful body that you do have… have now, so that you… that you are able to…

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The Midlife Mentors: Age well, and healthy, and strong.

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The Midlife Mentors: And, yeah, rewrite the narrative that might have been very, very wrong back in the day, because you are enough, and your body's capable of so, so much more than you could possibly imagine. And it might be.

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The Midlife Mentors: that actually you were destined to do team sport. Don't be afraid to go and do that now. It might be that, actually, you were destined to do all that kind of stuff. Like, I really, really did discover…

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The Midlife Mentors: yeah, like, what my body can do, and that sense of, oh my goodness, that story really was wrong. You know, I'd spent all those years, going between

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The Midlife Mentors: quite overweight, back to then, like, ping-ponging between going… being quite overweight to really, really underweight, like, under 7 stone. And that's… well, that was the thing, I was ping-ponged was… but that was always because, like, I just didn't think exercise was for me, that I just wasn't very good at it, that…

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The Midlife Mentors: I wouldn't get any results from it, and it probably did… was because it brought back these memories. So, I wrote… rewrote my story, so you absolutely can, too. Yeah.

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The Midlife Mentors: Awesome. Love this! I hope you found that trip down memory lane, interesting, not too traumatising. We would love to hear, like, hit us up, what are your favourite PE memories, or any particular horror stories? Yeah, we'd love to. Hit us up, team at the midlifementors.com.

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The Midlife Mentors: Or on our socials. Yeah, perfect! We're sending you loads and loads of love. We're gonna go out in that sunshine now and go for a walk.

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The Midlife Mentors: Perfect! Lots of time! See you next time, bye! Bye-bye.