The Courage to Begin Again As A Midlife Woman: With Executive Coach Hazel Martin

This week, I, Claire - go solo for a beautiful conversation with executive coach Hazel Martin and, honestly, this episode went somewhere completely different from where I expected.

We started out talking about career change for midlife women and how our purpose shifts as we enter our menopause years, but what unfolded was a much deeper conversation about the stories we tell ourselves, the dreams we've quietly put on hold, and why so many women reach midlife feeling disconnected from the parts of themselves that once felt most alive.

If you've ever wondered, "Is this really it?" or felt there's something more for you, I truly believe you'll love this conversation. Hazel shares powerful insights about self-talk, courage, joy, and the tiny steps that can completely change the direction of your life. More than anything, this episode is an invitation to remember who you were before the world told you who you should be.

Connect with Hazel on Linkedin:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hazelmartincoach/

Via email: hazelnorval@gmail.com

Or by phone: +44 7796 176928

Transcript

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The Midlife Mentors: Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Midlife Mentors with me, Claire!

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The Midlife Mentors: Now, you might be thinking, where's James? I'm actually going solo on this podcast episode today, because this is one for the ladies. Well, it's not. It's one for the men to listen into as well, but James has been doing some bits and bobs, doing some podcast episodes with some guys, and I thought, hang on a minute, it's my turn.

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The Midlife Mentors: So, I am doing this, on my own with the lovely guest that we have today. But what's been going on in our lives? We've been super busy, I was just explaining to the lovely lady who's my guest today that we've just been, yeah, just, it's great being busy, busy, busy, but we're recording this on a Friday.

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The Midlife Mentors: And…

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The Midlife Mentors: After this call, I've got one more call after that, and then James is taking me out for a surprise date. So, gotta keep… gotta keep that kind of flame alive, and that spark alive. He's very good. He does take me out on dates. So, after that, I am switching off. So, I hope wherever you're listening to this today, that you're having a good day, and this will be out, probably this weekend, actually. So, you know, very timely.

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The Midlife Mentors: Anyway, without further ado, I want to introduce, it's my pleasure to introduce Hazel Martin. Now, Hazel cares very deeply

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The Midlife Mentors: about helping people do what they love, and love what they do. She's an executive coach with 30 years' experience, and we actually met online, sounds a bit dodgy, but we met online, on LinkedIn, and we just hit it off. We had a call, a few months ago now, and just really wanted to share her wisdom, her love, and her heart with

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The Midlife Mentors: everyone that listens. So, Hazel, welcome! Hello!

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Oh, I'm smiling inwardly, and my, my, my chest, or my heart, is swelling.

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The Midlife Mentors: Oh, that's what we love!

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The Midlife Mentors: space?

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The Midlife Mentors: Hello.

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The Midlife Mentors: Thank you for being on our podcast. So, let's start at the… well, at the beginning. I say this.

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The Midlife Mentors: But it's always difficult, because we're in mid-life, so we might be here for ages if we go right back to the beginning. But, let's start with your story, Hazel. How and why did you start this work? You know, you've been doing this stuff, kind of, like.

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The Midlife Mentors: for 30 years, but particularly over the last 10, with the executive coaching, and helping women specifically, and men, probably. But tell us about your story. Tell us how you got into this.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So… Steve Jobs talks about threads. When you look back in your life, there's threats.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, there's important threads from childhood.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Which… have shaped, what I do now.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And the important threads are, I grew up on a farm, knowing that my dad

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Absolutely loved what he did.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And he used to talk about why he loved it so much.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So I grew up with that story.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And then I went to school, as you do, And… Over a period of time.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: looking back, I can see how much I changed.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, like most children, I imagine, I… I really loved

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Actually, I'm going to rephrase that.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I really loved.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: art. Dance.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: sports.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And I genuinely believe I was really good at it, because I think when you grow up on a farm.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You become very physical, and very good at using your body in a certain way.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And I really want listeners to get this.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: The threads from your childhood are really important.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: because… If you think about it, when we're born.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: We have so many neurons, and so many possibilities.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Into what we potentially could do with our lives, and it's shaped

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: By our appearance, by our environment, by what you're exposed to.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, my physicality was shaped And… in school.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: when I look at the subjects that I loved, that I…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I probably find easy, because I was interested, and…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Claire, I have to say, I really struggled at school, in secondary school. You know, certain subjects bored the pants off me. So, I loved anatomy, physiology, and health.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Loved it.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And, you know, I was good at other things, like maths.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I was good with numbers, but that was because my dad really helped me, like, he helps me so much, so…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I want our listeners to know that Really, really…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Look back to your childhood, and get really curious about all the things you loved.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: About childhood, because… when you… So, I went to uni.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I didn't know what I wanted to do when I left school. I had no idea.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And… I went to uni, and I was, like, I did business studies, and that was all key.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: But for the next… 20, 30 years.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I changed careers multiple times because I was always looking for

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: more of what I enjoyed, more of what I loved. So that's why I changed multiple times, but I got stuck.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: In an environment, I got stuck in an environment which I…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: didn't excel in. So I got stuck in an environment which was sitting behind a computer.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: A lot of the time. So you can imagine, girl grows up on a farm, and then suddenly she's thrown into an environment where she's sitting down behind a computer.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And, I eventually went into sales, business development, because I could get out of the office.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And I went into the charity sector, because I wanted to do something meaningful. I wanted to… I've always wanted to do something meaningful and purposeful. And… and… and again, I want our listeners to know that when you get to midlife, I believe every single

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: midlife… Person.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Doesn't matter, male or female.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: If you dig beneath it, They really want to help, because it becomes more about…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Like, how can I make a difference in this beautiful world? It really does.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You become… you sort of wake up to that.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You know, because, let's face it, there's so many problems, in this world, That you can…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Put your full heart, soul, spirit into.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So I was very lucky, when I worked at Virgin Money.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Virgin Money Giving at the time, which is a not-for-profit online fundraising site. I was very lucky that Virgin Money, I had a conversation with this lady. I happened to bump into her, Erin, and she worked in the talent team, and I happened to have a conversation with her.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Call it a sliding doors moment, call it what you may, call it, like, serendipity, who knows?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: But she said, I said, what are you working on just now? And she says, oh, we're shaping a coaching program, an advanced coaching program. And I said.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: That sounds great! And I thought in that moment, I was like.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I want to go on that. I seriously want to go on that.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, fast forward… I'm now coaching, because…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you know, when I look back to my childhood, the signs were all there. I love people, I love being outdoors, I love, meeting people, etc. So, hopefully that wasn't too long.

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The Midlife Mentors: Oh, I love that. Hadel, I love… I… I love that, because…

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The Midlife Mentors: you know, there are so many things I relate to and resonate with there that…

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The Midlife Mentors: you know, I look back over my childhood threads, and actually, we do say this when we coach

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The Midlife Mentors: clients. It's like, what did you love before the world got hold of you and told you you had to be something different?

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The Midlife Mentors: And… and for me, I had exactly the same. I love people. I'd always been coaching people, even from a young age, without really knowing that that's what I was doing, but I loved it. I loved shining a light onto people that helped them remember who they were, and who they are.

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The Midlife Mentors: And so, then I went into PR, and I spent all these years thinking, feeling ashamed that I kept kind of switching careers and trying different things, but it was because I was like, where's the thing? Where's the thing I'm really supposed to be doing without feeling like I was an imposter?

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The Midlife Mentors: You know, so…

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The Midlife Mentors: I know, I remember when we first spoke a few months ago, we had that common thread between us that was.

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The Midlife Mentors: I'm sitting at a desk, I don't… I don't love what I'm doing here, I don't feel like it's making a difference, quite the opposite.

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The Midlife Mentors: And there was this sense of meaning and purpose that was constantly driving me on, and you're saying that you had a dad, which I love, that just loved what he did, like, loved what he did. And that's such a beautiful spark that, oh, that's what's possible. You're supposed to love what you do!

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The Midlife Mentors: Hang on a minute, you're not supposed to be coming home every single night, drowning your sorrows in a bottle of wine, and switching off by putting Netflix on, and thinking, oh my goodness, I've got to do all that again tomorrow. Like, we're not designed to be like that.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: 100%.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: 100%, and what you said about we… we go down a path Which, let's be honest, is…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Probably shaped by our parents.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Or by school, or by society of expectations around.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you know, the path that you'll take, and… and I think maybe it's changed slightly. I've got two children, aged 12 and 13, so I think… I think they're getting better at this, but…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I remember at the time having no idea what I was gonna do. I certainly didn't want to work on the farm. I mean, I did work on the farm, but I knew I did not want to work on a farm, and I definitely didn't want to marry a farmer, that's for sure! So I knew these things.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And yeah, I do wholeheartedly believe that every single human on this planet

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: can do what you love, love what you do. I feel proud that you believe that.

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The Midlife Mentors: I know you do, and I… I believe that so much, too, and it's… it's just really interesting, isn't it? I mean, hopefully it's a bit different now, but when we were growing up, it was exactly… it was like, you've got to know, from 16,

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The Midlife Mentors: you know, if you went through the school system as we did, it was like, from 16, you then need to know, after you've done your GCSEs, what A-levels you want to do, and then as soon as you're into your A-levels, you need to know what degree you want to go and do, and then what career you want to do. And I just remember thinking, everyone else looks really sure.

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The Midlife Mentors: Everyone else seems to really know what that thing is, and I haven't got a friggin' clue.

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The Midlife Mentors: And there was some kind of, like, oh, have I failed? Like, that person wants to be a lawyer, and she's, like, on fire for it. And that one wants to do this, and wants to do that, and I just… I was just muddling my way through most of my 20s, and, quite frankly, into my 30s, you know?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Yeah, you know, and the power and influence of your parents, let's be honest, is big. And it depends on your parents, like, some parents are very much, you know.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: putting their children down a certain path, right? You know, so if they were a lawyer, a doctor, an accountant.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: All these professional roles,

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you kind of grow up in that environment, knowing they're a doctor, or they're, you know, whatever, lawyer.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And then, you kind of… yeah, you follow that path, because you don't question it. You're like, well, that's what is expected of me.

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The Midlife Mentors: Exactly. Yeah.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Even when you're at school, depending on the school that you go to as well, like, you know, that can be influential as well. And then, before you know it, you're like, oh, I've gone down this path, and.

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The Midlife Mentors: Hmm.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Not quite sure how I ended up here.

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah, 100%. And I think the ladies listening to this, and the guides, right, but the ladies listening to this, we see it all the time, midlife is that moment in time, and you said this right at the beginning, midlife is that moment in time where we're like, okay, I…

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The Midlife Mentors: I have these things, I might have the status, I might have the career, I might have all of the stuff that I… I was promised, really, that would make me happy and fulfilled. But I'm here now.

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The Midlife Mentors: and let alone all my hormones changing, which is this whole other thing around midlife, when we've got perimenopause and menopause, that's a whole other thing that's going on. But we get to this point in our life, a lot of us ladies, and we're like, right, I've prioritised everyone else, I've worn all these hats.

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The Midlife Mentors: had all these roles, but now I want something really meaningful to do with my life. And that's why I think what you do is…

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The Midlife Mentors: is so beautiful, is to guide women, into this second act of their life with, I suppose, more, like, consciously, really, aware of what lights up their soul.

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The Midlife Mentors: So, my question to you, really, on the back of that is…

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The Midlife Mentors: If there's a woman, which there will be, a woman listening to this podcast episode, and she feels like she's missed her chance in life to do something that she loves.

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The Midlife Mentors: And, let's be honest, you know, make a living out of it, what would you say to her?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Yeah, be careful of the self-talk.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, I would say… Really look within.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Around your self-talk, because your self-talk is not reality.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And I was about to say something else before that, so I would say not only

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Really be conscious of what you're telling yourself.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Really illuminates that.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, the part of the story I didn't share is my mum…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You know, she… she was a partner in the farm, and, you know, but she would be basically looking after us.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So the part of the story I didn't share is my mum… I know

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: she also wanted to do something for herself, right? So she was really into antiques, etc. So I know that

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I always used to say to her, like, just set up a website, like, just do the… and she didn't do it. So, we talk about dreams.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: being unfulfilled. And then, quite frankly, I know it's morbid, but we all die, right? So… and we hear it all the time, you know,

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I think the rec… we… death is an equaliser, right? Although there are some beliefs that we don't die, you know, it's a belief. Just putting it out there, but anyway, that's another story. But death is a reality, and knowing that death is a reality…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So my husband and I would always joke, On your last breath, Hazel.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you'll probably go, that's what I was meant to do.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You know, so…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I think because my dad loved what he did, and my mum had a dream which was unfulfilled.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Fear holds us back so much, but the real, real thing that, listeners, I really want you to hear this, because it took me, oh my god, such a long time.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Your self-talk Is creating your reality.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, if your self-talk is not, serving you.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: your whole narrative is, I can't do this. I'm too old.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: It's too hard. I'll never be able to learn.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: If that's your whole narrative, well, guess what? That comes true. But if your narrative or self-talk is.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: it's okay, take small steps. I'm not too old. I can just take one small step. I can just take one small step. Who I was before does not shape who I am now going forwards.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: there's always people that can help. There's all… I mean, people are amazing.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: At how much they genuinely want to help.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And people are free to ask for help.

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The Midlife Mentors: Mmm.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: M.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So I reached out to numerous people to ask them for help, to ask them about their jobs, to ask them about, you know, anything that I was interested in. I was like, right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna… I'm gonna reach out to this person.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You know, so that is being courageous. That is stepping into courage and love.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So if you want to stay in fear.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Oh my god, you're gonna live your life with… full of regret.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Yeah? And then you're gonna get to your deathbed.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And you are going to be full of regret.

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The Midlife Mentors: Hazel, you speak… you're speaking my language. I mean, it's…

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah, I mean, it's… it's heartbreaking when we think about how many of us… and listen, you know, I…

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The Midlife Mentors: I still think that there's an imposter syndrome element to me sometimes, and that, you know, I'm not as courageous as I would hope to be, and sometimes there is that negative self-talk that pops in.

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The Midlife Mentors: But…

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The Midlife Mentors: the difference is, a lot of the time, I haven't let that hold me back. And I think I'm aware of it. I think a lot of people aren't necessarily even aware that it's a mindset shift, that it's… it's something that's going on within them.

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The Midlife Mentors: that is building this… this fear, this fear of failure, this fear of looking vulnerable, this fear of looking weak, to your point about asking for help, because some people think, oh, I don't… I don't… I don't want to ask for help, because…

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The Midlife Mentors: you know, that makes me vulnerable, and they might say no, or I might seem like I'm weak, and all these things that go on in our heads, these realities that we… we think they're reality, that we make up in our head, but actually they're not reality at all.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Hmm.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Yeah, so… the gift.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: of… Perimenopause, menopause, whatever you want to call it.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: The absolute gift for me was It… illuminated.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: the… self-talk.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: That was holding me back.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: arms…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I remember, you know, standing at that washing machine over there, and I remember it breaking down, and I just said out loud.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You're fucking useless.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And then I started crying, because… Huh.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: that story, that self-talk had been building throughout my life, right? I am useless.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: There was another narrative story as well, I am stupid, right?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I'm not enough, yeah? It's shame.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: We need to illuminate shame.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Because shame… people don't want to talk about. It's one of these emotions that people… Shy away from…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And the antidotes to shame.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: It's self-love and self-compassion.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So I want the listeners to really hear this, really slow down and hear this.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Whatever is holding you back is based on a story, your self-talk, which has been ingrained in you since childhood and growing up.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And… you have… Tuned into that story.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And it's been holding you back, and you are not the story. It's based on a narrative or frustration, you know? Someone's saying something in the moment, a teacher, your mum, your dad.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: In a moment of frustration or emotionally charged energy that has said something to you, and you've taken an honest truth about who you are, and it's not true.

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah, oh man, and I think,

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The Midlife Mentors: I hope we can all relate to that, that, you know, everyone that's listening.

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The Midlife Mentors: It took me a very, very long time, and I think one of the things I want to call on here is…

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The Midlife Mentors: When you speak about perimenopause and menopause.

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The Midlife Mentors: you know, when I've run workshops and things on this, one of the things I always say is, look, these are some of the symptoms, these are… this is how it's… it's gonna be a bit crap sometimes, but one of the things I see over and over again

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The Midlife Mentors: is an opportunity for women to redefine themselves. There is almost like… it's like the butterfly effect. It's like we're in metamorphosis, and there's an opportunity to stop and pause, and really…

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The Midlife Mentors: be faced with some of these narratives and these stories, and the shame and the unhealed parts of ourselves. It's… it's… it's a very spiritual thing that happens, I believe, at menopause and perimenopause.

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The Midlife Mentors: And it's… Listen, it's… it's gunky, and it's not nice sometimes, and it's…

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The Midlife Mentors: It feels confusing, but in… in that is an opportunity to…

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The Midlife Mentors: redefine ourselves, redefine those stories, ask ourselves if they're working for us or not working for us. So I really wanted to speak to that, because that's what I've seen. I've seen it happen in myself, I've seen it happen in other women as well.

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The Midlife Mentors: It's… I wouldn't… I wouldn't define it as a positive, like, it's great, it's really fun, it's always wonder, but there is something that comes out of that where we… we take back our power.

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The Midlife Mentors: To define who we are.

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The Midlife Mentors: Does that make sense?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Hmm.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Oh, 100%. It's a lot of,

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: It's a lot of, it takes a lot of, patience, to… unpick.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And a lot of love.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I was really… humbled.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: By my husband, he was…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Oh, incredible through that part of my life.

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The Midlife Mentors: Hmm… Bless. Yeah.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: He has heaps of self-compassion, heaps of empathy, and I'm so, so…

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The Midlife Mentors: Bless you. Bless you.

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The Midlife Mentors: It's also, so what I've noticed too, and I don't know whether you… I can see this in you, it's, so… so for me.

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The Midlife Mentors: you're talking about that shame thing, I want to come back to that as well. I think it's so… it's one of those emotions where, like, oh, it's… I don't want to feel that, of course, because shame in its very nature is just like, oh, I just don't want to look at that.

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The Midlife Mentors: But one of the things I want to just kind of reflect at you, and which is… which is why…

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The Midlife Mentors: I… I love the connection that we have, is because I see in you a real… a very… a soft… a softening of someone. And I don't know whether this makes sense to you, but for me.

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The Midlife Mentors: I'd built quite a lot of walls around myself.

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The Midlife Mentors: And that's what life, you know, life does to you, and also living maybe in an identity that doesn't really fit, like a round peg in a square hole. It makes you kind of hard, and also, you know.

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The Midlife Mentors: I was quite living in my masculine, in that survival mode, in the striving mode, in achieving mode.

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The Midlife Mentors: And so, another thing that I see maybe happening at menopause, perimenopause, which is what I saw when you were talking about your husband and his compassion and holding you in that space at that time of your life, is like a softening. Does that make sense to you as well? Did you notice that in yourself? There was a softening.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Yeah, so let's, let's put this into,

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: words that… well, maybe for the listeners. So, softening for me is,

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: It's opening up your heart again. It's opening up your hearts despite, you know, what's happened.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So it's slowly but surely, opening it back up, because…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: if you're not able to soften and release and open it back up as opposed to stuffing it down, and what I mean by that is…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Really pushing your emotions down in these moments.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So… You know, if you're always pushing your emotions down, like shame, or, you know, sadness, or…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: humiliation.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: What in effect you're doing is you're closing your heart down, because you're protecting yourself. So you actually see this physically with people.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you can see, physically, they've started changing the shape of their body. They'll start, sort of, hunching, hunching forward,

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: It's almost like they're closing the heart down, so, they're not able to receive love,

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: they're not able to receive love or compassion in a way because their heart has closed down. So, let's put this as an example in the workplace.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You know, I would always find it hard to take, feedback in terms of helping me growing as an individual. I'd always get defensive, and that was me closing down, closing in, because to me, that was…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you know, it just meant something about me, you know? And I've completely turned everything around. Now, I embrace feedback.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So when the heart softens, and the heart, I mean, when you look at all the neurons in the heart, it's incredible. It's a fast highway between the brain and the heart. When you're able to open your heart back up, I mean, literally.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: It's like, it's like the whole world opens back up. The whole beauty.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: opens back up. The whole freedom, peace of mind, what everyone's really striving for. Peace of mind, beauty, abundance.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You know, it just…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And that's what we had as children. We had that in abundance, we literally did, but then slowly over the years, we close it down, we constrict, we, you know, it's like we're getting attacked, or we defend, or whatever.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: But yeah, so absolutely, softening, 100%, oh my god, I am so much more softer with my children, and it's not softness as in letting them get away with things, it's I'm more heart-led.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I'm not in my ego, you know, brain. I'm not in the patterns from the past which are allowing to rule my life, meaning that I'm far more loving

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: than I've ever been.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: With my children, because we get into judgement, that's the other, the other thing,

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you know, judgment. Love… love dials up.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: When judgment notches dying.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And some of the listeners might be listening and going, what is she talking about? And if I listened to this 10 years ago, I might not have got this. I'd have been going, what is she going on about?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Has she been drinking something, you know?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: No, no, it happens to us all. And my husband was actually the person that inspired me, because I was like, how come his brain and…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: How come he's able to see so many possibilities? How come he's…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: How come he's able to see the good in everyone? How come he's able to be so empathetic when my daughter cries, or my son? How's he able to do that? And I was fascinated by it, going, I fucking want that. I want that!

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And it's taken me YEARS to get to that place, because I didn't realize

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I didn't realize how much I was holding on to all that stuff shit.

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The Midlife Mentors: Hazel, honestly, I… yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, I think it's…

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The Midlife Mentors: it's funny, isn't it? Because what you're saying about if I heard myself saying this a while ago.

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The Midlife Mentors: would… would I… would I understand it? Would I connect to it? Would I think, oh, yeah, yeah, that's… that's possible? Or, oh, they're just a bit woo-woo. But…

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The Midlife Mentors: Or, like, oh, I'm frightened of softening my heart, because then… then I'm not in control of it, or then I'm not in control of what happens to it. It's actually really interesting, because I am… it's… it's…

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The Midlife Mentors: power, but under control, if that makes sense. Before, my heart was so hard that I was angry, and it would, like, spew out in inappropriate moments, because I didn't have…

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The Midlife Mentors: because I wasn't able to connect with the emotions, they would just pop out in opportune moments, and now, because there's a softness of my heart, I feel safer. That's what the word is. I feel… I feel very safe in myself.

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The Midlife Mentors: I actually… I felt less safe when I was more protective. That's the irony. The more I protected myself, and the more my heart was like…

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The Midlife Mentors: what I thought under control, and… it wasn't safe at all. My heart is safer now that it's open.

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The Midlife Mentors: Does that make sense?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: 100%, it's all about safety. If you look back to childhood.

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The Midlife Mentors: Exactly.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: It's all about safety, it's all about love. We want to be safe, we want to be loved, we want to be appreciated, acknowledged, you know, I say to my children, they're like, watch me, watch me, watch me! They just want to be safe.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: They want to be loved, unconditionally, for who they are as a beautiful human being.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: they… they are, you know, it's such a gift watching my children grow up, because I see it in abundance.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: When they were little, how curious they were, how crazy.

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The Midlife Mentors: Mmm…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: empathetic they were. Like, I remember my son hugging me when I was crying, like, he just came over to me, so highly empathetic, creative, determined, tenacious.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And then, somewhere along the line, that goes, because they don't feel safe. Because…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Love is conditioned around my results, my grades, love is conditioned around, pleasing people, or, you know, and then you get stuck in these patterns, because all we want as a human is to be loved, to feel safe.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Not to be judged.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, yeah, a school environment is an interesting environment because, you've also got it in the work environment, right? So you're shifting from a skill environment into a work environment. Do I feel fundamentally safe?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Do I feel fundamentally loved?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Or do I feel judged and put down and humiliated and made to feel shame, and bullied and ridiculed?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I was very fortunate. I had amazing leaders who were highly empathetic.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Apart from one or two in the beginning of my career.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: They brought out the greatness in me.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And that's what I want to do for others. I want to… I want them to remember they have greatness within every single human, and I'm always looking for the greatness in that person.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Because everyone has it. Everyone has greatness.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: They just need to quieten, or, you know, whatever they need to do, but there is always greatness.

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The Midlife Mentors: Mmm…

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The Midlife Mentors: I agree. So, do you think confidence… one of the questions I had for you is, do you think confidence comes before we take a leap? So, let's say,

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The Midlife Mentors: you know, a lady's listening to this, and she's thinking, oh my goodness, you've just triggered a memory of creativity and possibility, and something that I used to love to do, and…

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The Midlife Mentors: Or maybe that woman's been harbouring it within herself all this time.

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The Midlife Mentors: And she's at this stage where she's like, you know what? I can't hold this in any longer, but I don't have the confidence to do that. That's what we hear all the time. I don't have the confidence to do this. Do you think that confidence comes before we take the leap, or does confidence grow

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The Midlife Mentors: Because we take the leap.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: How's through action?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Comes through taking a tiny step.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: It comes through… Courage.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Courage. Courage to take the first step.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Courage, knowing that you, you know, as a child, we, we, every single human, is creative.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: We are the creators of our reality.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, I would say… Take one tiny step.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Be courageous, to give it a go. Just to give it a go.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: That one tiny step, whatever it is.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And… Find someone who's a champion. Someone… find someone, anyone who can champion you.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Acknowledge you for that tiny step you've made, and witness what it feels like, and

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Just… just trying something new is so life-affirming.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: to try something new, rather than stay stuck on a ramp, you know, stuck going round and round. It's like, rinse, wash, repeat, get up, rinse, wash, repeat.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: If you're not… if you're unfulfilled.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: That tiny step, that tiny, tiny, teeny, weeny, whatever it is, Paint draw… You know?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Do a talk to your partner, you know, whatever it is, just that one tiny, teeny, weeny step.

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah, and because we… We over, complicate things, don't we?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I think when.

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The Midlife Mentors: When we're unhappy, we start…

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The Midlife Mentors: We start looking at the top of the mountain.

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The Midlife Mentors: And we're like, oh, I've got all that way to go, or we might look at someone else and compare ourselves and think.

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The Midlife Mentors: How would I ever get there?

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The Midlife Mentors: And so, we stop ourselves dead in our tracks, because we're looking at the top of the mountain.

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The Midlife Mentors: And thinking, I'm just never gonna make it.

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The Midlife Mentors: But actually, it's that one tiny step, and I love this that you said here, it makes us feel alive. Just taking one step.

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The Midlife Mentors: Outside what our normal rinse and repeat.

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The Midlife Mentors: That one step makes us feel alive again.

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The Midlife Mentors: Childlike, creative.

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The Midlife Mentors: That's the spark. Like, we don't need to know the top of the mountain and how every step is going to unfold, because that's just an impossibility. But that one step leads to the next step, because it wakes you up.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So when you use that phrase, wicks, wicks you up.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I want to explain, because if someone used that phrase of, like, what are they talking.

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah, explain. What do you think wakes me up means? I'd love to.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Yeah, for me, it's alive. For me, it's, it's, it's, it's a sensation within, so I, I know… I really tap into my body in terms of what it's telling me, so it's, it's, it's like a rising sensation within. You, you sometimes get tingles down your spine, it's…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Like, you can get tingles, goosebumps, but it's a rising sensation. It's like your heart is swelling because it's joy, right? So, aliveness is, for me, when I go dancing, aliveness for others might be when they sing, you know.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Aliveness is that feeling of…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: playing, I don't know, tennis when… when you hit the ball. Aliveness is playing an instrument. It brings you alive, fully alive. You feel…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You feel liberated, you feel, you just get that, yeah, ignition of… Spark life back in you.

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah, it's so… it's so true. I was just thinking, you know, and I… I believe we are all designed with a different nuance of what brings us alive. Like, there's never going to be another one of us. Never will be again. And so I… and I think that's the… that's the beauty that we miss.

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The Midlife Mentors: And gets drummed out of us as we get older, isn't it? But it's like… I was just thinking what that is for me. For me, it's…

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The Midlife Mentors: going on stage and doing a talk, that feels like I get really nervous beforehand, and I… and I get confused between the… that feeling of anxiousness, because actually sometimes the feeling of excitement and the feeling of anxiousness can feel exactly the same in the body.

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The Midlife Mentors: So… but now I'm like, I reframe it, and I'm like, oh, I'm really anxious about it, and I'm like, no, actually.

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The Midlife Mentors: this is excitement. This is joy. This is stepping into something that I know that I love to do. Whether I'm good at it or not, it doesn't really matter. It's like, this I know brings me joy. And that's…

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The Midlife Mentors: yeah, that's what we do this work for, right? It's what you do this work for, is to get that nugget and go, okay, amplify it. Let's do more of that.

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The Midlife Mentors: Why do you think people don't do that, though, Hazel? Why do you think people… Don't do this.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Because we get cots, we get caught in…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Ugh, I mean, when I look back, I got caught in the whole, you know…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you know, even before children, I would just get caught in the… the whole thing of, right, I'm going to work, I'm driving to work, I've got my work, and then I focus on my work, and then I come home, and…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: It's just the speed and peace I think we live at.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Yeah, it's definitely the speed and pace we live out.

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The Midlife Mentors: Mmm, I agree.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And that self-talk as well.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: The self-talk, the pace we live at, and the responsibilities in midlife.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You know, let's be honest, responsibilities for some can feel like a heavy weight.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Caring for parents.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Older parents, or teenagers, or mortgage, or…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You know, and you get caught in the trap of…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I've got all these responsibilities, I do not have any space.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: to take time out to truly look at it, and instead, what ends up happening is numbing. You're numbing your emotions through alcohol.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Drugs. Sex.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Whatever you call it, that you're numbing.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: The difficult, emotions, sensations around

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: How are you feeling at work?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And you're getting caught in that self-talk, and your belief is, I can't get out because I've got a mortgage to pay, I can't get out because of the lifestyle, the kids are in private school, I can't get out because I've got aging parents, it's…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So it's… it's finding space to be with… Connecting back to…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: what brings me alive? What… what… what gives me joy? What… what brings me alive?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And it was a man that said to me, I'll never forget, he said to me, because I was really struggling, he said to me.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: What brings you joy?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And I just burst into tears.

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The Midlife Mentors: I just…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: said, I cannot remember the last time I felt true joy, because I was so caught up in responsibilities.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And it started shifting as soon as I started dancing again.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And here's the thing I want listeners to know, once you start shifting one thing in your life, like, you become a bit more alive, you get your energy back, you get your vitality back, you get your aliveness back, so it opens up more possibilities. So me going dancing…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: It gave me such a good feeling, because…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you know, if you look at the chemicals in the body, I'm getting all sorts of shots. I'm getting dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, like, I feel fucking great, because I'm dancing, I'm connecting, I'm listening to upbeat music, and so do one thing that is sparking joy.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And if you can't think of anything.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: go out into nature and sit with a question, what brings me joy? So don't grab the wine, don't grab the drugs.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: go and sit in the garden, and ask yourself, what brings me joy, connects me back to that. And if you're going, Hazel, what are you talking about? I've got a mortgage to pay, I've got two kids in private school, whatever the narrative is…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: No, you're just telling yourself a lie.

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The Midlife Mentors: So, so powerful. I just needed a moment of space there. I was like, hmm, that is… it's, it's what we see all the time, isn't it? It's like,

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The Midlife Mentors: everything is so fast-paced. There's almost like a fear, would you say, also, there's almost, like, a fear of stopping? This is what I see a lot of the time. We… it's a lie. It's an excuse, not necessarily a conscious excuse that we're using, but we're like, underneath that all, it's that lack of safety.

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The Midlife Mentors: of what happens if I go into nature and sit there with that question. What happens?

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The Midlife Mentors: That doesn't feel safe to me.

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The Midlife Mentors: Why do you think that is?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Because when you get to… not a great place, Literally.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you're not… you're internally, within the body, the chemicals, so going through perimenopause, menopause, estrogen's going down, progesterone's going down, testosterone's going down. Meanwhile, cortisol's going skyrocketing, right?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, it's no surprise that your energy depletes. It's no surprise that

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you can't even think about joy. You're like, what the fuck are you talking about?

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The Midlife Mentors: It's…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I can't… I'm… I'm surviving here!

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I can't think of joy. I'm surviving!

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: you know, and…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, we can't possibly be in that place to sit in nature and ask the question, because we are simply surviving.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: We're not flourishing.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Well, I mean, I worked at Samaritan's for many years, and it was a real eye-opener to me, and again, that's why I became fascinated about why is it

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Some people take… To end their own life.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And why is it?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: that some people flourish. And I held that question, it's like, I can't possibly imagine, when I worked at Samaritan's.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Why the fuck would I want to do that with my life? I was in my 30s.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And then, when I went through perimenopause, menopause, I was like, hmm, actually, yeah, I feel pretty close to that.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: M… So, I became… So… If you're surviving, just do something!

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: that's gonna make you feel better, whether that's… I don't know.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: going for a walk, you know, don't drink the bottle of wine. Don't, you know, it's harder said than done, because you get caught in the trap. I know.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: But… choose!

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: We have choice, we have agency, choose… something different. Choose anything different.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Choose one thing different.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: to… Self-love, self-care, self… you know, compassion. Do one thing, because you are loved.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You are loved. That's what I want you to know. You are loved, you may not think you're loved, but you are loved.

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The Midlife Mentors: I love that. I kind of want to end on that, but,

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The Midlife Mentors: Also, I do want to say, I think one of the traps that we get into is, like, what you just said there, I haven't got the energy to go and sit and do something different. I haven't got the energy, and yet, we're doing stuff that is zapping our energy.

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The Midlife Mentors: We're just, you know, like, we don't necessarily know

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The Midlife Mentors: that our spirit energy is being zapped by sitting on social media, getting stuck in a scroll hole of fear because of what's going on in the world. That's zapping your energy, but you think that…

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The Midlife Mentors: You know, you're not doing anything physically, but that's sapping the life joy, the life force, out of you.

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The Midlife Mentors: And so, it's almost like one of the things that we say a lot of the time is actually really become aware of where, not just your physical energy, because it's not just about that, but where your spiritual energy, your heart energy, is being lost.

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The Midlife Mentors: and then go and do something. That…

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The Midlife Mentors: Gives you heart energy, that gives you spiritual energy, that gives you physical energy, the stuff that, you know, you get when you're dancing, because that's everything.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Yeah, and I would add to that, I mean, the shit you eat, the crap.

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The Midlife Mentors: Yeah.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: body, like, the crap you listen to, as well, and watch and tell it, because you're numbing out, you're zoning out, you're like, I can't deal with the emotions. That's fundamentally what I think it's about. You can't… you can't deal with the emotions, you can't handle the…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Yeah, these really uncomfortable, deeply uncomfortable emotions that come up, and that's why people turn to… You know, addiction.

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The Midlife Mentors: Absolutely, my lovely. So, I'm going to ask you one more question to…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: That's funny.

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The Midlife Mentors: sharp, we could talk about this. I mean, we could… we could do days of this on a retreat.

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The Midlife Mentors: snapshot, right, in about… probably about… I normally try and keep these about 45 minutes, but I was just like, oh, this is too good to… to stop. But just in brief, if a lady, let's just imagine, you know, we've got… I'm gonna pick a 52-year-old woman, right, listening to this now. She's capable, she's got decades of experience behind her, but she's wondering if her best years are behind her. What would you want her to know, other than that she

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The Midlife Mentors: which is absolutely loved, which I think is beautiful.

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The Midlife Mentors: Andrew, what would you like her to know other than that?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Okay, so if she's telling herself…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Wondering. Her best shears are already behind her.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I would ask her.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Is that true?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Is that 100% true?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: 100% true.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: You're 52.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Your longevity, you have… I mean, God, my dad…

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: He loved what he did, and he worked till he died. But he loved what he did. It was happy, right? So, I'd ask for the next 10 years, 5 years, even 5 years.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: 10 years, 15, 67 is a woman's, like, you know, pension age, right?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Really? Your best years are behind you?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, that narrative… My best years are behind me.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I don't believe that.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: I know that. I've lived that.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And I've had some fun fucking years.

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The Midlife Mentors: I love you! I could literally… we could do… you're gonna have to come back. We're gonna have to do something else, because, you know, you speak my language, you're wonderful,

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The Midlife Mentors: And then what comes through from you is…

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The Midlife Mentors: You know, so much, so much heart.

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The Midlife Mentors: so much lived experience, so much in the weeds of all of this, so much running away, the strife, everything we've talked about, like, this is not, oh, I've worked with clients, and, you know, this is what I see. It's that…

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The Midlife Mentors: And, mostly, I've been through… I've been through this. You know, and that's what… That's what brings,

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The Midlife Mentors: your resonance, if that makes sense. This is what brings the spirit of you to this conversation, because it comes through in oodles. Like, it really comes through. And I just want to say what a blessing it is to speak to you.

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The Midlife Mentors: To have you share this stuff.

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The Midlife Mentors: Because it's so, so important. And as I said to you before we jumped on, like, we were just gonna see where this conversation went, and we stuck to a few of the conversations and questions that I was gonna ask you, and the rest has just…

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The Midlife Mentors: So, I love that. I love it when that happens. So, thank you for your presence and your heart.

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The Midlife Mentors: So… Hazel, if… Not if, because…

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The Midlife Mentors: women are going to be listening to this, thinking, oh my goodness, I need a bit of hazel in my life, which you do, which you do, and how can they get hold of you? Can you share some information?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Yeah, so I am on LinkedIn, so you can easily find me on LinkedIn, Hazel Martin. And also you can email me, I know that you said you were going to put it in show notes, and I'm happy for my phone number as well to go in there.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: And I am so humbled, and I reckon we met for a reason.

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The Midlife Mentors: We 100% did, my lovely lady. On the email front, just say it out, I will put it in the show notes, but if you can… is it an easy email address for them to remember?

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Probably not, because you've got my Scottish accent.

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The Midlife Mentors: I love your scar!

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: So, hazel, as in the color of my eyes, which are hazel. As in the tree, which is hazel. Just saying, hazel. So H-A-Z-E-L, and then the next bit, it gets people, because it's my maiden name.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Which is NORVAL. N for November, O for Oscar, R for Romeo, V for Vehicle, A for Alpha, L for Lima, at

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: gmail.com.

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The Midlife Mentors: That's the easier bit. Listeners, I'm gonna put this all in the show notes as well, but you will find, Hazel on LinkedIn. We are connected, so if you know me on LinkedIn, you'll find Hazel on LinkedIn, but you can find our Hazel Martin, executive coach.

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The Midlife Mentors: You've been amazing. It's been… we… our little souls have met for a reason, and I love that. So thank you so much for your time, and yeah, God bless you.

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Hazel Martin | unbridled joy, giddy excitement, passion: Thank you so much. Thank you so much!