Building HER with Katja Lillian

Shadow Work & Breaking through the Glass Ceiling We Face As Women w/ Becca Nicholls

• Katja Thacker

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In this episode, I am joined by Becca Nicholls.

Becca is a Life & Success coach, a somatic practitioner & the host of ‘there she glows’ podcast. becca’s unique coaching style is a concoction of subconscious reprogramming, shadow work, somatic therapy & nervous system regulation to help women access their true potential, cultivate unshakeable confidence & become an energetic match for their big, bold dreams.


In this episode, we discuss the following: 

  • Her journey building confidence
  • How friendships have changed over the years
  • Her struggles of building a multi 6 figure business
  • Advice she would give for early & aspiring coaches
  • How a lack of self-awareness can keep you stuck

You can find Becca here -->


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What's up. You guys. Welcome back to. The building her podcast this week, I am joined by. Becca nickels. If you're not familiar with Becca. Becca is a life and success coach, a somatic practitioner. And. And the host of her very own podcast there, she glows. Becca's unique coaching style. Style is a concoction of subconscious reprogramming shadow work. So MADEC therapy and nervous system regulation to help. Women access their true potential cultivate unshakable confidence. Confidence and become an energetic match for their big bold. Bold dreams, Beck. And I met in a. Mastermind. It was the fall of 2023. And soon after, as a part of that mastermind. They coordinated a retreat. So I met her then that same year in person. Person. And when I met her in person, it was like, Game over. She is tall. Like me also. At brunette. Also Aries, like just everything clear. Clicked and still to this day, she is one. My best friends and fellow coaches. I truly call her a soul. Sister. She is one of the most talented coaches. I know. And I'm very proud to say she's also one of my guests experts in. The big shift, my group life transformation program. And. Our conversation today, Becca talks about her journey, building Connor. Confidence. How friendships have changed over the years as she grows. Grows and evolves the struggles of building a multi-cell. My six figure coaching business advice that she would. I'd give you early and aspiring coaches and so much. Much more. You guys will want to take notes on this one without further ado, let's get to the. Hey, my name is Katya Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and channel. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. Hi, Becca. I am so excited that you are on the Building Her podcast. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. I'm very, very excited to be here on the podcast that I named. You know, you beat me to it. I was just going to say that. Fun fact, everyone. Becca is the one that came up with the Building Her name. How cool is that? I love that. It just makes me feel attached to it in the most positive way. Oh, yay. Wasn't it also, it was in Miami right after the retreat that we met last year. Yeah. We were all like having a, which was this time last year? Mm. Yeah. We were all having like a brainstorm session in the living room of our Airbnb and um. I was like, what should I name my podcast? I hate coming up with titles. And Becca, I think it was like your second option. You're like, what about building her? You talk a lot about building. I was like, Oh, you made it so easy. I was like, cool, cool, cool, cool. It's so much easier to do it for other people than it is for yourself. I feel like that's true for everything. It's so much easier to give people advice than it is to take it, come up with names that it is for yourself. Like it just is so much easier when you remove from it. Totally. Yep. I completely agree. Well, I love you. And I know we just met last fall, but I remember when I did meet you, you were like a sister right away. Obviously the height helps because you're tall like me. And it was just this instant connection. And then I know we talked a little bit more about our personal lives and families and things like that, which we can get into. But I feel like most of my audience is already familiar with you. I feel like we talk about each other all the time on Instagram. You're also a guest expert in one of my group coaching programs, the big shift. So there are people already familiar with you, but for those that are not, if you could just take a few seconds and introduce yourself. So my name is Becca. I am a life coach. I'm a somatic practitioner. I'm a business coach. I'm also the host of the, there she glows podcast. And yes, I'm a fellow tall queen as per Katya. I'm also an Aries. So I feel like today is going to be a really fiery conversation because we're both very no BS and straight to the point. So I'm really excited to dive into it. I feel like. Answering this question. You could go down a rabbit hole of like, this is what I do. And these are my passions, but I feel like we will get into all of that in your questions. So to recap as like a really small 10 second elevator pitch, that's what I do. Yeah. Thank you so much. And I feel like we could be here for three hours. So fair warning, this might just go on and on and on. But yeah, I mean, I have so many questions for you and I have so many topics to cover. I guess the first one that I want to talk about is your history with shadow work. And I want to start there because that's what you come into the big shift for. You lead an amazing 90 minute session with the girls. And it's, and it's pretty vulnerable. I went through it with them and it, I think you mentioned, it's like the dark side of personal development, right? So I would love for you to talk a little bit more about that and what even drew you to shadow work. Yeah. So what originally drew me to shadow work was therapy. So when I got into therapy, I didn't have the language for any of this, but I was really avoidant. I had an avoidant attachment style. I was I was a professional self sabotage er. I was very negative. I was very pessimistic. I was temperamental. There were so many parts of my personality that I've now integrated and have a healthy expression of. The way that I wanted to cure those things and heal and change those things was through easy routes. Like, I was like, give me a meditation, give me a journal prompt, and when I met my therapist, she was like, we need to dive into childhood stuff. We need to dive into your past relationships. We need to dive into your daddy issues. We need to dive into X, Y, and Z. And I was like, I am not interested in that option, actually. No, thank you. No, thank you. Pass for me. Like, what's the next option? And so it took me some time. I had a big resistance towards it. But as I know now, oftentimes the things that we feel the biggest resistance towards are the things that we need the most. And so she was the one that introduced me to therapy because I had been going to retreats I had been doing meditations. I had been reading books, but I was really just scratching the surface. So I wasn't seeing a lot of real change in my life. And when we really started to dive into that deep work of why I am the way that I am and childhood stuff and just the things and the experiences and the traumas and the qualities that I didn't want to confront, that's when real change started to happen. And so for me, I've come to learn that I have quite an obsessive personality in some ways, like with shadow work and with the nervous system, I look back at finding these things and I can see that I just went down like this rabbit hole and just committed all of my time to it and learned everything there is to know about them and, or at least tried to. And so my relationship with shadow work just really started to. Upwards spiral from there. And I started reading all the books and doing all the courses and just learning everything that there is to know about shadows and the unconscious mind. And so that's really what drew me to it. And so that's a big part of my business and it's a big part of my brand and it really is ingrained in everything that I do. So I think if you know me, if you listen to my podcast, if you come into my world in any capacity. You kind of know, like we're not doing surface level things like, you know, I'm going to probably trigger you and make you feel really uncomfortable. And sometimes after sessions with my clients, I'm like, so do you hate me yet? And they're like, kind of. Yeah, like kind of in this moment. I kind of do. Um, but that's where I find that real change happens when we get really, really uncomfortable. I love everything that you just said because I remember during that shadow work session. So it was a little uncomfortable. I wouldn't say triggered, but it was just out of my comfort zone when you had us do, you know, the dance in front of the mirror, I won't get into all the details, but it was a new experience for me. And even though I was uncomfortable at the same time, because I'm in this line of work, I was also so grateful to you because I was like, Ooh, I think we just cracked something open here. This is good. Yeah. Um, so you mentioned therapy was essentially the catalyst for that. And you mentioned a little bit of this. Past version of you, like the pessimistic version of Becca. So if you could rewind for us a little bit and go to that version, what even drew you to therapy, what drew you to personal development? Why are you a coach today? I started to see a big pattern. So it was actually a breakup that was the catalyst for me getting into personal development, going on my first retreat. And at the time I had broken up with my boyfriend and I thought to myself, I feel like I was just in a relationship that I've been in on many different occasions. And although this person is unique in their own individual human, the patterns in their relationship were reoccurring. And I was like, Ooh, I just got a feel that there was a lesson that I was not learning, or there were things that I was attracting into my experience. And I also started to see the way that the men that I was choosing were kind of mimicking my dad in some ways. And it was at that time, I didn't have the conscious awareness, but. There always was that reoccurring quote on social stuff, like you choose your dad and your partner and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, Ooh, I can definitely see where I am doing that. And I started to get curious about my role in the relationships that I was in and in the reoccurring patterns that were being experienced in my life. And I think I had some sort of awareness to the fact that like, I was the problem because I could feel. Just how heavy like being me was like being angry all the time and being, you know, temperamental all the time and being a hothead and just like blaming it on being in areas. And I could definitely see like mental and emotional and physical things that were signs of there being underlying issues and problems. And I lacked a lot of self awareness at the time, but with the little amount of personal development that I'd started to intake, I was like, okay, I think that there's something here for me to learn. And so I started going to therapy. I went to two therapists that I didn't vibe with, which I think is important to mention. Cause I think a lot of people go to therapy or find a coach and it doesn't feel right, but they push through. I would not recommend doing that. Um, and then I ended up finding my soulmate therapist and soulmate coach, who I'm still with today, um, during that time. So they have both in their own ways, just really helped me see myself, but that's what really drew me is the breakup and seeing a lot of reoccurring themes and patterns in my life. And I was like, Ooh, there's something here. Got it. Yeah. That's so powerful because I mean, I'm sure both of us have come across so many girlfriends or even family members that essentially feel stuck in a relationship, but they don't do anything to change it or, or even get curious about, is this the way a relationship should feel? And is this the way I should be acting in a relationship? You mentioned you were angry all the time. It felt very heavy. Yeah. And I just love what you shared because I think when we think of a breakup, we go right away to the negative and the loss of that partnership, but we need to reframe and think about the gain, right? What will this actually help and, and build and become and look at you now, right? Clearly it was the right decision. So, um, If there's anyone listening to this right now, and maybe they're in that situation, they do feel emotionally heavy or, or angry all the time. And they're finding themselves in excuseville as I like to call it. And they're kind of pushing down those emotions. What would you say to them? Any advice or any tips based off of your experience? I think that a lot of people, and I say this with The utmost love and respect that are in this situation lack a lot of self awareness. Because that was me, right? And so I was experiencing a lot of mental and emotional and physical symptoms that were overall just making my life feel heavy and unenjoyable. And I was also experiencing dynamics in the workplace and in friendships and in relationships that were adding to that heaviness. And I would go through life and just think, Oh, I wonder what I'm. Feeling or why I'm feeling that, or, oh, this is so unfair, or why is this happening to me? Or why can't I just find good girlfriends or my soulmate? And a lot of my attention was being projected outwards, right? When we have to get so honest with ourselves and realize that the common denominator and all of these situations is you. And the only thing that you can control is yourself. So. If you find yourself in that position and you've been experiencing this consistently for weeks, months, years, my biggest piece of advice would be to start working on yourself because yes, your experiences are valid. Perhaps someone broke your heart. Perhaps your boss is a dick, like all of those things get to be valid, but at the end of the day, you are only in control of yourself and the way that you feel and your reactions. And. You can just only control you. So that's what we have to focus on. So I spent a lot of my life being the victim and blaming everyone else. And I would have saved myself a lot of stress and heartache and heaviness. If I would have turned my attention towards myself sooner in life, instead of being so focused on being right and trying to make everyone else wrong. Yeah. Such sound advice. I'm so glad I asked you that question. A little bit of tough love. Well, not at all. I mean, again, we're, we're both coaches. We're in the same line of work, so I get it, but to someone who might be new to this, yeah, it might be hard to accept that because at least even me, my former version before personal development, before going down this path, I was absolutely in a victim mindset and I love to point the finger. I love to point the finger at my dad, my mom, my boss, my friend, whoever it was. And like, they're the problem. And I never looked inwards and had the question of, well, what am I doing? How am I showing up? What is my energy? Like, what are my insecurities, fears, worries, doubts, you name it. So I think it's really hard, but at the same time, what I've learned is that there's an incredible amount of accountability to that, which is also very empowering. Like if I got myself in this situation, I can get myself out of this situation, right? Because it's all on me. I can change. So with that change, What would you recommend in terms of someone, again, being stuck in like doing the inner work? What's like a first step that they could do? Obviously we know invest and coach and, uh, join programs and therapy, but someone that is just new to this and entering this world, what's something they could start doing alone? I would say one of the greatest things that we can do is just starting to adopt like a curious mindset, right? Because oftentimes we get really attached to things, but if you remove yourself and just start to get curious about the situations in your life and your reactions and just go into Nancy Drew mode, Then we can start to see things that we're not able to see when we're so close to situation. So it's almost like playing a game with yourself, right? If you get in a fight with your partner or with your boss, and then you remove yourself, take some time to calm down and regulate and then remove yourself and say like, Let's say, right, we're playing a game and we're looking at like how I added to the conflict or hostility in that situation or like what role I played in the situation or what role I had, what would happen, right? What would come through if we just adopt this mindset of curiosity? And I'm running my shadow work program right now. And I actually had my assistant come into the program and do it so that she has a better understanding of me and my work. And on our Monday morning meetings, she was like, I am so deeply uncomfortable first of all, but she was like, that was such an excellent piece of advice. I'm having to constantly remind myself when I'm watching the trainings, like stay curious, stay curious, stay curious to how this could be you and how this could apply to you. And I think that when we. Benefit from being the victim or we lack self awareness. We have no curiosity about the role we play in the experiences in our life. And I'm really, really curious of like, what role did I play there? Like, how was I actually involved in the way that that situation transpired? Because like you said, that does bring in a lot of responsibility and accountability, which can be deeply uncomfortable, but it's also very empowering because if I'm responsible for everything that's happening in my life. I'm no longer the victim and I'm no longer power, powerless. So that's so empowering when we get to take that responsibility back. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And, uh, permission to everyone listening, your alter ego gets to be Nancy Drew from here on out. Ah, I love that. No, you're, you're spot on with the curiosity because I remember, and most of you listening know my story, but at 24, I went to that Tony Robbins experience. That was my introduction to personal development, which I find so rewarding. So late in the game, but regardless, that was just my aha moment, my awakening to this new world. Right. And I was just hooked. I was addicted to learning and growing and trying things. And it was so much fun because it was coming through the lens of curiosity. I moved from LA to Chicago. I didn't know anything about Chicago. I had no friends, no family, no coworkers, but I was like, fuck it. Let's go. Because I'm curious to find out what is on the other side. What is this new city all about? And I have kept that really as like an underlying theme. Throughout everything through building a business through now almost becoming a mom like everything is curiosity And I just want to highlight that for people because it doesn't have to be so fearful or or scary or uncomfortable It's like let's have some fun. Let's just try shit and see what's on the other side You know, I feel like that what I would call the fuck around and find out mentality is very main character energy, right? Because if you think about a character that you're following in a TV show and movie, like there's a lot of risks, there's a lot of twists and turns. There's a lot of unknown. There's a lot of trying new things. And that's what makes the plot interesting. So that's what If we're always just doing the same old song and dance and just really safe and comfortable in our comfort zones, like that's not exciting. It's probably not going to lead to an exciting life. Exactly. I, um, something I wanted to add to that. And I really want to ask you about confidence because I just have to applaud you and compliment you, even the way you present yourself, but the way you talk, the way you, you carry yourself. And I know this because I met you in person just exudes confidence. And when I say confidence, I think I think sometimes people look at it as like a cockiness and like better than and I'm like, no, no, no confidence is this thing of like, I don't care if you like me or not that these are my true colors. This is me. I fully embrace who I am for better or worse. Right. It's like all parts of me and I just feel like you exude that. So I wanted to reflect that back to you. Um, but as I went through my personal development and still M I have so much more confidence that I've built over the years because. And I'm sure you can relate to this too with your journey. The more you try shit, the more you fuck around and figure it out, you notice on the other side, it's like, there's a landing, right? Like the worst case scenario actually never happened. It was all in my imagination. And those are the building blocks to growing confidence. Would you agree, or do you even define it a little differently? Yeah. I feel like there are two things that I typically pull on when I'm describing what's helped me be so confident. And I first and foremost, just want to reflect back to you all of the same things that you reflected to me. I feel like we are so similar. And what I think is beautiful is that we are both very confident women and it shows up in really different ways and they're both beautiful. There's not right or wrong, but yeah. You exude that as well. And just your in person presence was so beautiful. So I love you so much. The first thing, the first thing that I always talk about because I think it's so overlooked is the self trust piece, right? Because when we actually break down the definition of confidence, it's the feeling or belief that we can rely on someone or something with firm trust. And so. A lot of people are experts in self sabotage and abandoning themselves and breaking promises to themselves. And then they're like, Oh, I wonder why I'm not confident. Right. But like one plus one equals two. So if the definition of confidence is the feeling or belief that you can rely on someone or something with, uh, with firm trust and you can't trust yourself, you're obviously not going to have confidence. So. Integrity is a core value of mine and I'm very selective in the things that I promise to myself or the commitments that I make and I always follow through rain or shine because I realized that my confidence was the result of the way that I Followed through on my commitments to myself and the trust that I built with myself. So that was like one of the main things that really helps me become confident. But then as I deepened my relationship with myself and shadow work, I feel like when all of your cards are on the table, you know, and like you, you can see all of yourself. You kind of become invincible in terms of your self expression and your authenticity. There's not a lot that someone could say to me or about me that I would disagree with. Like, I'd be like, I know, like, yes, I can absolutely be a bitch. Like, yes, I can absolutely do it. Like nothing really surprises me because I've been danced with my demons and made friends with the negative and positive aspects of my personality and so now I get to live in a way where I get to show up and be myself and I know that the people that are in my life are actually loving me and admiring me and caring about me. Because of who I actually am versus being a people pleaser or putting on a facade and having people like me because I'm showing them what they want to see to try to get them to love and accept me. So I feel like just being the fullest expression of myself and being at peace with myself in that way has also given me a lot of confidence. Yeah, I just love the expression that you just mentioned. I danced with my demons. I think that's so, so, so powerful because again, so many people are afraid to go there, but it's like, well, if we dance with them again, it gives this lighthearted energy towards it. Like also we all have our demons. Like there's not one perfect person that has it all figured out and has no insecurities or worries or fears like we're all the same. And so might as well turn inwards and figure it out and understand what makes you tick, but also what are your insecurities and not really. Judging that in yourself. So, uh, I love that so much. You said a lot of great things. I think what I would love to dig into is you mentioned you attract now people in your life that love you and support you. And, uh, we could talk about this for so long because. We know, we know on this personal development, uh, journey, lots of ups and downs, but Oh gosh, where do I start with that? I think as I have evolved, so have my people. And when I say that it means. You know, maybe out with the old and with the new or people that are on the same wavelength and frequency stay in my circle, if not, you're out. And I hate to put it like that, but it's true. And, um, it can be really, really painful. I think that's why they say growing pains. So I would just love to hear about your experience specifically, uh, with, with friendships or maybe even family. As you've grown that this business, but even this version of Becca, there's a quote that I really love that says they're not your type. They're your pattern. And the first evolution of the people in my life changing was starting to attract my type. Instead of my pattern. So one of the biggest things that I worked to overcome and I'm still working to overcome is my avoidant tendencies. And so I would attract people into my life that I could easily keep at an arm's length and that I had a more surface level. Relationship with, because I was scared of vulnerability and intimacy. And so once I started to get to know myself more, I let go of a lot of those relationships that were very surface level and convenience based and unfulfilling. And I started to welcome in relationships and friendships into my life that were deeply nourishing and also very, very intimate. So that was the first evolution. The second evolution has been the natural selection that has been happening in my life as I've continued to grow and evolve as a human. So, the version of me that stands before you today is very, very different than the version of me a couple years ago. And she has a lot more self awareness. She has very high standards and boundaries. She is a lot wealthier, which I think is important to note. And she also has a very unique lifestyle that naturally comes with a freedom based entrepreneurial business. And so I definitely have lost people and I definitely have had challenges and conflicts in my relationships because of the way that My expression in lifestyle triggers people. And so that has been really challenging to navigate and it's come with a lot of heartbreak and just negative feelings because you know this about me, but. I am a girl's girl and I just love people so much. I really want to see them do well. I really want to see them win. And so I feel like this year for me specifically in 2024, A lot of my manifestations came into fruition and things really quantum leaps like I very much experienced a timeline jump. And that came with a lot of people not really wanting to be a part of my life anymore feeling the same way about me because my happiness, success, wealth, confidence, whatever it was, got like too big that they started to be like, Oh, this is like too much actually, which is one of my core wounds of like feeling like I'm too much. So there's been so much growth, uh, within me this year that was pretty much forced upon me as a result of this, like natural selection that takes place because there's a quote that says, Sam said this to me, but it was like, people want to see you do well, but just not better than them. So when you start to expand in such ways and like reach these really beautiful heights, people are either going to support you or they're going to show you their true colors. And that can be really, really painful. Yeah. Yeah. I relate to everything you said. What first came up for me was don't keep people in your life because of the history, but choose people that match this future version of you. And sometimes I've also been stuck in a friendship where it's just because we have history and, and I truly loved that history, right? We have some core, beautiful, happy memories, but at the same time, it's like, I have to grieve. That friendship and the end of it, essentially, and sometimes maybe people do stay in your life, but in a different way, right? And maybe at a distance. So, um, I definitely have some examples of that happening in my life. One thing you mentioned that I want to tap into, because this goes into emotional intelligence, this goes into business, this goes into friendships, everything. Our success, our happiness, our health, the way we look, the way we carry ourselves, the way we dress absolutely can trigger people because it's a reflection or, or a mirror to them that, um, maybe they've even justified, you know, like, Oh, I could never do that. Or I could never look like that. And then you see someone actually doing it and they're like, right. And they don't like that. And, uh, throughout my career, Personal and professional, I know I, let me back up when I first started my coaching business. I took everything so personal. So if someone said like a passive aggressive comment or they made fun of my, you know, hobby or whatever it was, I would immediately. Internalize it and think, man, what the fuck am I doing? I'm like, am I crazy to want this and to do this? And who do I think I am? And right. So those were the early stages. And I want to go into that because there's a lot of early and aspiring coaches that are listening to this right now, and they are living in that world right now, that's the reality. So I would just love to touch on your experience with that a little bit, and Um, some advice that you would offer them something that I think benefited me very early on in dealing with this is shadow work and understanding projections and triggers, right? So as an example, if I am someone who is not standing in their full expression of self and I am following someone on Instagram, that's getting on every day and she is dancing and she is looking sexy and she is taking up space. space and she is a confident queen and she's going after her dreams. Typically that's going to activate me. You're going to feel something somatically. So in your body, probably in your chest space, that's just like that fucking bothers me. Like that just bothers me. To see her like that. And oftentimes we have a very low tolerance to this discomfort. And so what we do to relieve ourselves of this discomfort is projected onto the other person and make them wrong. So it's like, you are too much. You are self absorbed. Who do you think you are? Judgment, right? And that projection is just relieving them of their own feelings because they've seen themselves. They haven't actually seen you. You are holding up a mirror to absolutely everyone. So they're reacting to seeing themselves and they're taking it out on you. So I had that realization very early on, thanks to my education in shadow work. So I could very much. See what was truly happening. It was like, I was putting myself first. I was chasing my dreams. I was leaving relationships that were not up to my standards. I was being a confident queen and I could very much see how the people that were projecting on me. It was because they didn't allow themselves to do that same thing. And so they were making me wrong or bad or evil for doing the thing to relieve themselves of the discomfort that they felt. And so that gave me so much freedom because Nothing is ever truly about me. I mean, sometimes it is, but oftentimes like it just is not personal. It's their experience that they're having. And if I look back, if I would have listened to all those people, I would hate my life plain and simple because I hated my life back then. So listening to those people would have stopped me from taking action. And now I wouldn't be here. I have a multi six figure business that I'm absolutely obsessed with. I'm traveling the world. I have so many incredible relationships and friendships in my life. And most of all, right. I have my inner peace, like my mind and my body and my nervous system. It's a safe and enjoyable place for me to live, which is something that a lot of people cannot say yet, unfortunately about themselves and their own human experience. And so I'm Listening to people like that, I would just strongly advise you to take a look at them, take a look at their relationship with themselves, their happiness, the relationship that they're in, their wealth. Do you want that? Right. Is that what you want? If so, that would be a great person to listen to and have mentor you. But if you wouldn't want to copy and paste their lifestyle onto your own, then like the blind can't lead the blind. Right. So your opinion is literally irrelevant to me. Because you are not the kind of person that I want to be. You're not in the kind of relationship that I aspire to have. You don't have the business that I aspire to have, or you've never even dipped your toes in the water of entrepreneurship. So your opinion is quite literally irrelevant to me. And thank you next. Snaps over here. Yeah. No, thank you. No, it's so true. And this is also something that I had to learn early on because at a certain point, I mean, this was my, you know, young twenties. I still looked at my mom and my dad as just knowing everything, which I think a lot of people do, um, you know, still today, actually, when they're older. Yeah. But, and I love them so much, but their opinion does not matter because they have not built a business online. Number one, and number two, they don't know anything about coaching and personal development or anything like that. So when I do go home and I visit and in the rare chance it is asked, Hey, how's your business going? Then I do share. minimal information. And almost, I'm, I'm aware that something might come my way that is super negative or limiting, or their fears are projected onto, you know, um, my, my, my path, my journey. I love them so much and they mean well and it's well intentioned. I really do believe that, but they also just have no fucking clue. And so it's like a filtering process that we have to go through. But also I would say. Other friends or other people in your life, maybe not parents or family members, you don't have to share everything with them. You can keep that a secret, right? I had to keep my dream really close to me and my heart because it was already so hard. To believe in myself and I had to do so much work to believe in this path. And so then opening myself up in a vulnerable way to criticism and to judgment would just open that wound a little bit more and just make it harder for myself. Is that something that you have been through as well? Early on in your career, building a coaching business. Yeah, just a shout out to my therapist because this line that she said to me very early on is something I think about probably every single day. I was going through that same pattern of getting so excited about my dreams and where I was headed and my ideations, and I would share them with people just for them to. Pop my balloon, right? And it was just deflated, terrible experience. And it would really stop my ability to take action and just like believe in myself. And she formulated a rule for me that you do not tell anyone anything that you don't know is going to 100 percent support you. And at the time I was lucky enough to have one person that I really did feel supported me 100 percent and that's my best friend and she still remains that person for me today, but I did not share things with people and I agree with everything that you're saying in terms of like, It would just projection judgment would come up and it would just start to feel that's like the negative end of the spectrum that I completely agree with. But what I learned is that it's also an incredible way to build internal validation and self validation because you're making decisions based on what you want, what you feel, your aspirations, and. I got very, very used to just like making decisions for myself and not consulting literally anyone about them. And that got me to where I am today. And now I feel like that's a really valuable life skill because I find that people have a very low tolerance to good news and bad news, and they just cannot hold space for themselves. So oftentimes if something happens or even good news, like we. Hold that information in for approximately two milliseconds before we grab our phone and share it with someone else. And that's like another form of projecting or dumping, whether it's positive or negative. And this year, I've booked a lot of dream trips. I've hit a lot of financial milestones, big things have happened. And I've just sat with myself for longer than I feel like most people would be able to write, like hitting 100 K in my business. I just like spent the afternoon with myself. Like I was like, this is such a big milestone. Let's go get a latte. Let's go for a drive. Let's just like hold ourselves in this. And I didn't even share it with anyone until like way, way later in the day. And then I naturally told people as like the weeks went on, but it's not my first instinct to just like share things with people. It's my first instinct to hold space for myself. And I think that that rule is really something that helped me help me build like these incredible levels of self validation that I think a lot of people. Unfortunately don't have. Yeah. Especially early on in your career. And I say that just going off of my experience, I didn't have anyone that was ahead of me until I hired my first coach. And so I really feel like I just went in on blind faith and I was like, okay, there's a feeling here. I'm being pulled. I can't shake it. I can't stop it. And I just, I just went, I jumped in, I think, um, through my journey, I discovered what my inner critic was, had no idea. And then I also experienced outer critics. I was like, Oh, so these are just outer critics speaking. That language in my head of that negative voice, right? You can't do it. You're not enough. How will you ever make money? Whatever. And now I don't ever ask for their opinion. What I do, if they ask a question and show interest, I just share from an education perspective, right? So to your point, not needing that validation from them, but already having that Self validation and then just sharing from a very positive place. Because there have been some conversations, um, throughout my journey where it actually uplifted someone and it gave them hope of like, damn, I want to be a coach, right? Have you had that experience as well? Of inspiring people to wanting to be coaches and just in general, just based off of your story, because you're not coming from validation. You're just sharing, you're just exuding this energy. Yeah, absolutely. And it's also something that I do teach about in my shadow work program and do talk about a lot with my clients, like just bringing it to their attention that they cannot hold space for themselves, um, and challenging them like even for a week to just like. Well, things in like, just like process it on your own. You don't always have to outsource to other people. And I think once that light bulb turns on, like even in this conversation, someone might reflect and be like, okay, when I get good news or when I get like an annoying email from a coworker, or I'm going through something like how long does it typically take me before I like turn to my coworker or text my best friend to offload, right. And that's going to show you your tolerance and your capacity to discomfort. And then from there. Absolutely. We can start working on internally validating, but I think I have talked about that before of like big milestones that have happened this year and like how I've handled them and how I've celebrated, like with myself, because I'm the person that got me here. Yes, I have had help and mentors and inspiration and I don't want to discount that, but at the end of the day, like it's, it's because of me. So I like to celebrate with myself. And I think when I do share that people kind of reflect and they're like, Ooh. Am I doing that? Like, what's my relationship like with myself and like celebrating myself? And so if that is something that I inspire people to do, like, that's a beautiful thing to be for other people. Because I think when you learn how to love and support and validate and celebrate and hold space for yourself, that's where we really get into the territory of like other people's love and friendship being a bonus, which is A secure attachment style. So love to see that. Love the ripple effect of that. Absolutely. I always use the analogy, my work and my validation and my self love is the Sunday. Everyone else is the cherry on top. Should they compliment me? Should they celebrate me? I'm like, awesome, but I don't need it. Right. Huge difference. Um, I love what you just mentioned about your journey, and we talked a little bit about friendships changing and money. I would love to hear now that you're at this point in your business, if you were to reflect back a little bit, what was like the biggest hurdle for you, whether that was a mental hurdle, whether that was a limiting belief, a fear, whatever just comes first to mind, what was the thing that was getting in the way that you had to work through to get to where you're at now? I would say that I had a pretty big fear and still do of like being seen as bragging a know it all, arrogant, self centered, like I still deal with that today. And because of that, I feel like I was showing up on socials and all my podcasts, like just like, you know, trying to be really like friendly and trying to be really relatable. And so therefore I was not. actually expressing myself as like a leader and as an authority and as an expert or someone that's super educated in a field because I was like, Oh, I don't want to come across as a know it all or I don't want to come across as self centered or whatever it may be. And that energy, when you're in a healthy expression of leadership is really safe for people actually. Like it makes people feel really safe to move into your world and be held by you versus when you're just like, yeah, so like, this is when like, I think, but like also like, I'm just like, that's not what people need when they're moving into your space to be really held. And specifically for me in like very transformative ways, right? Like shadow work, trauma, nervous system, body work, like. You want to be with someone that's like, I know what the fuck I'm doing. Let's go. Like, we're going to transform your life. I've got you like, close your eyes, buckle up. The flight is taking off in 10 seconds. So that energy and being fearful of being seen as too much and almost like the negative associations that come with confidence and leadership, I think held me back a lot. And then the other thing I would say was that I was dysregulated. Absolutely. And I only really realized that when I became a somatic practitioner around this time last year, and I was like, Oh, wow. And your nervous system plays such a crucial role and the relationships that you have with yourself and other people, your relationship with money, all of those things. And so when I started to shift my lifestyle to focus around peace and regulation, things really changed. And just as, An example, I started regulating my nervous system November of last year and in quarter one of 2024, I made what I made in all of 2023. So I was like, Ooh, the, the connection between my nervous system being regulated now and how I'm showing up and feeling and interacting and actually like the wealth and abundance that's coming in, it was extremely undeniable. And so, yeah, I would say those two things. Uh, I just, first of all, I love the voice change that you just had. My characters, not my characters. It was like, yes, spot on. That voice was perfect. Um, no, and I, I think there's so much to talk about. I mean, we could devote an entire episode to just this subject, but I really do feel like when you are standing in your power and your light and you let that shine, It gives other women specifically permission to do the same. And it's interesting though, that you brought up, like you, you feel like you're bragging or you're, you're too much or, or know it all or self centered. I I'm sure there's so many women listening that can relate to that. So yeah, we play small and thank you just for being honest about. It's something you're still working through. What, now that you are aware of that and you are working through that, like, where do you think that comes from? The, this narrative of, oh, if I'm too loud, I'm bragging or like the negative connotation associated to a women's, woman's success and just freedom and embodiment. Where do you think that comes from? On a very large scale, And to generalize it, I think we are conditioned to play small. So when you are taking up space and when you do have the audacity, which I think is actually a really great thing, there is that voice that comes up of like, who am I to be this and to do this? And so you're kind of always. Coming up against that glass ceiling that was created for us as women on a more personal level, very early on in my business. I had someone really close to me who I love and value say that I was like out of touch and just unrealistic. And that's when I was making like. 200 in my business. So as I've grown to have a multi six figure year and on track to have like a seven figure company and become whatever I'm like, well, how are people going to take to me now? Are people going to think I'm out of touch? Are they going to think I'm unrealistic? Are they going to feel like I don't know about the real struggles that people face in the world? And then how are people going to relate to me? How are they going to connect to me? Like all of those feelings come up, especially because I. I do really value like people feeling safe with me and feeling like they can connect with me. But when I look at the way that a lot of people live their life, right? Their relationship with themselves, their relationships with other people, the job that they're in, the money that they make, the state of their nervous system. I don't want to relate to you actually. Right. Cause I actually know what that's like and I was miserable. So it's okay that I don't relate to you. I don't want to relate to you respectfully. That's why I've invested all this time, effort, energy, money into changing my life. So me being unrelatable, that's actually kind of the whole fucking point. And it's actually a compliment. So I've kind of just had to like reframe that and hold that narrative while also knowing that it is super important to still understand like real world issues and the things that are going on with other people and having compassion and empathy for those things. I have definitely reached the Level of my life where a lot of people could look at many parts of my life and say that they are unrelatable and now my response to that as opposed to fear is literally, that's the whole fucking point. Ah, I love that so much. That's like the tagline of this podcast. Um, I love also what you mentioned, like it's a little unrealistic. My first thought was like, what the fuck is realistic, right? What's the alternative. I love the analogy. I think I saw it on someone's Tik TOK, but it's like, we are literally all on a floating rock. Like there is so much mystery and magic and miracles in our world. It's like, why would we, Lower ourselves to this reality or realistic narrative, like there's no such thing, you know, and so I just love that you brought that up. Um, I want to be mindful of your time again. I wanted to talk to you for three hours, but unfortunately we can't. So I just want to have one more question here for you for the girl that's listening. And she's a few years. behind us in terms of her personal development journey, or maybe she wants to also be a coach and she's on the fence, right? She's in that in between. What, what would you advise her, um, to do in terms of like a next action step? I feel like this might be all too common, but Listening to your intuition, I think, is so underrated. Like, when I look back at literally every stage of my journey, something that I find is a huge flex of mine that I've done right is any time I felt like an intuitive ping towards something, I followed it. Because, like, those are actually the breadcrumbs. So, just like you originally, I was like, Oh, I just have this, like, feeling. Like, I just have this feeling that I'm not supposed to be in this job. I'm supposed to do this. I feel like I'm supposed to go on this retreat. So I went. I feel like I'm supposed to join this program. So I did. I feel like I'm supposed to join this mastermind. So I did. I feel like I'm supposed to take this certification. So I did. And I see a lot of people, and I'm sure you experienced this as well. It's like, I'll be launching. My programs are doing things and they consistently come into my DMZ. Oh, I can't wait to do your program. But then like I launch it seven times and they still, and it's just like, I actually just don't relate to that. When I feel an inclination or an intuitive pain towards something, I follow it. And my next level gets unlocked. I don't postpone. I don't make up excuses. I feel fear, but I go ahead. So that's like one of the biggest things that I can look back and be like, damn, I'm so proud of you that like every single time you've had an inclination to do something, you've just like followed it. Cause I feel like that's, that's my highest self speaking to me. Like that's my map. That's, that's the GPS that's in my head. It's like, turn left, do this, go straight. And so I think too many people are just constantly like one day I'll join this one day I'll do this one day I'll get certified one day and it's like then you blink and it's like four years later and you're in the same old fucking spot when in actuality if you would have just like followed the bread crumb like my journey it's been three years like three years are you kidding me that's not even high school and my whole life has just like transformed and it's because of following those things so I would say like choose your intuition over your fear and excuses. Uh, love that so much. It's, it's like getting out of your head. I have the same conversation with clients or, or I guess I should say prospects or anyone that is interested because to your point, they haven't joined, even though it's like rounds and rounds and rounds of launches, but they're just too in their head. They're too fixated on the fear or like, is this logical or what's the ROI, you know, that kind of thing and tap more into your heart and the fear. Feeling around it. I think that's the easiest way. Cause sometimes people are out of touch with their intuition, right? So it's like, how does this, the idea of choosing a coach or making an investment, or even just taking that next step in your journey, does it feel exciting? Does it feel energizing, right? Like that's that immediate feeling. And that's your intuition. And it's like, just. Fucking go. Go for it. Um, okay. Well, I guess we should wrap it up. I don't want to, but for those that don't already follow you, where can people find you? Where are you hanging out? I'm mostly hanging out on Instagram. So that's at Beck Nichols on Instagram. And then I also have a podcast called there she glows and I release episodes every single Thursday. So those are the places to find me that I hang out consistently. I love it. Thank you so much, Becca. We will record another podcast very soon. Part two.