The Shit No One Tells You When Growing A Business

In this episode, I discuss the following: 

• My most vulnerable episode yet
• How we glamorize building your own biz
• The not so sexy part of building a biz
• The loneliness is real but temporary
• Newflash! No one knows what they're doing

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Transcript

0:00

Hello and welcome to this week's episode. Of the building, her podcast. I'm your host, Katia. Lillian. If you've. Been loving this podcast. Go ahead and rate the podcast. Five stars. And DM me on Instagram when you do that, because I want to connect and personally. Thank you. If you are new here, hit that subscribe button. It really. Really helps the podcast grow. And that way you will never miss an episode. So. Hey, my name is Katya Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and channel. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. So, I'm a little nervous for this episode, if I'm being honest, because it's a vulnerable one and I felt like it was necessary for all of my. Badass business owners out there. I feel like this conversation has been coming up more and more and more. And so I was like, you know what? We need to reach the masses. We need to reach all the female business owners out there that might be also feeling this way. At a certain point in her business. So I went down memory lane and I had to really reflect and dive deep into the archive of my journey of building my coaching business. And I kind of got a little emotional. You guys, I was like, Oh my gosh, I, you've become so far removed from some of these memories and from years ago, what has happened or thought processes and patterns you had, because yeah, it's been years, and you get so far and you're like, wow, I have my dream life and I've accomplished all of my goals and I have my coaching business that I've always dreamt of. And so when you live in that, It's hard for you to remember, what were those limiting beliefs that I had? What were those moments where younger version of Katya felt so isolated and lonely and fearful? And when she cried and when she like, Those are those moments that I really had to go back to, and I'm really happy I did, although it was a little like, Oh my gosh, how sad at the same time. I have so much love for that young version of Katya and just everything that she had to learn and grow and evolve from and limiting beliefs. That she had to reframe and lost friendships and, different relationships that have changed over the years because of her ambition, because of her hunger, because of her drive, because of that fire in her belly to, to get what she wanted. So, That was just a little bit of context for you of what we're about to dive into as a younger girl, let's, well, I don't want to say younger girl, but I do want to say a younger version of myself. So let's say like. In the 24 to 26 range, when I moved remote to Chicago, so I didn't have an office there. I was on my own and my boss and my company, they were all still in Los Angeles. I started to taste some of that freedom of what it would be like to, be like this digital nomad and, not have to go to an office every day and be able to go to a coffee shop in Chicago and work from a laptop. Like that whole image was so sexy to me. I. Always put like this, this freedom and this independence that I would feel when I would finally have my own business, that there was just this feeling of like, just wait until I have my own business, then I can do whatever the fuck I want. And that idea was so shiny. and was so appealing and I'm happy it was because when I reflect, was it worth it? Absolutely. It was so worth it. But at the same time, there was a lot of hardship that I had to go through to get here. And there was a lot of stuff that came up that I was so naive to. I had no idea. It kind of reminds me, I don't know who it was, but maybe I was watching You know an interview or maybe listen to another podcast. But I remember someone said, you, you have to be naive to build a business because if you knew everything that goes into it, and if someone could show you like, this is what you're about to get into. I don't think there would be that many entrepreneurs. I really don't. And that's what they said in the interview because there's just so much that comes up. And again, now reflecting back, all of it was worth it. And I'm so happy I went through it, but being, afraid and this younger version of me that. It was about to step into this unknown territory. It absolutely might've seemed a little intimidating and overwhelming when you see the mountain you have to climb. And so there is a part that you, you do need to be naive and that just comes naturally because you're, you're doing something that you've never done before. So you are naive, but it's like such a blessing in disguise. So, I wanted to share this because I think If you are listening to this and maybe you're also a coach and you're building your business and you're early, or maybe you're just an aspiring coach and you're still considering it, or maybe you're not a coach at all and you're a business owner and you've got like a blog, you just started a new Instagram account, you're really into fashion. You just kind of want to break free from, from corporate America. Maybe you want to. Want to start a side hustle or maybe you've already started a side hustle. I feel like the narrative that is shown to us and that is taught to us and that is marketed to us is that again, it's shiny. It's sexy. We, we glamorize. Having your own business and while again, there are parts of owning your own business that, oh my gosh, it's so glamorous and it's so rewarding and it's so worth it. And I would never go back to an office or a corporate job like this is it. But there are also parts that are really challenging and there are parts that are not. So sexy and so that's why I wanted to just be honest and vulnerable with you With three key things actually that came up for me of my path and my journey. So it's really for you to just listen and be aware of what I went through. Maybe you can relate, maybe you're going through it right now, maybe you haven't yet. And it's It's going to come up, but I mean the best with this episode and I just want to equip you with all this information because if you do have a hard day and you're like this building a business thing is not as glamorous as I thought, then hopefully you have this podcast to fall back on and be like, Oh yeah, Katya talked about this and it's okay. And this is just a part of the journey. So the number one thing that came up for me that I reflected on was. All of my insecurities. Came up to the surface. And if you've had like one or two, that's cute, but there will be many, many more insecurities that come up for you. And it's a good thing because the, the reframe, the powerful reframe that I had to make was that I'd rather know. I'd rather know what my insecurities are and work through them and overcome them versus living on autopilot and never really understanding myself to the depth that I could, right? The good and the bad. So I am so happy that my insecurities came up to the surface because that is quite literally why I'm sitting here today with the business that I have. Because if I didn't, So if I didn't listen to my insecurities and I didn't work through them and I ran away from them, I wouldn't have the business that I have today. So welcome them. Embrace them. Your insecurities are going to come up to the surface. One key example where I realized, wow, I'm insecure, goes back to, Of course, the app that we all know and love, Instagram, and the metrics tied to it. So, if you don't know, if you're new to my podcast or new to my story, before I ever got into coaching, I, had started in more of the influencer direction. So I loved wellness and fitness and nutrition and I joined Tone It Up, which was a nutrition and fitness program by Katrina Scott and Karina Dunn and I just love documenting my journey. That's truly what I used Instagram for was just like, Hey, look, I just did this workout or Hey, if you're local, I'm going here or Hey, here's a meetup or Hey, look at this new recipe I made. Like I truly was just documenting what I was doing and I had so much fun with it. It was like a creative outlet for me. But when things got a little bit more serious, I started to really focus on the metrics. And when I say serious, what I mean is brands started to reach out and offer money. So I guess when money got involved, I started to take it a bit more serious, which I don't recommend. And that's not the way to do it because I will never forget it. My first brand partnership was through an agency. They reached out via email and they were like, Calvin Harris is dropping a new song and we want you to have it as like a story background song for just two slides. So I think the total was like 30 seconds and it, they were offering me 50. to do that. That was my first brand deal. And I was like, Oh my gosh, yes. Sign me up like duh. And so I think I was like doing yoga moves or something in the living room of my apartment at the time in Chicago. And I just put on that song and I got paid 50. And it's so crazy because it was only 50. But at that time I was like, Oh my gosh, I just made 50 doing what I love and what I've been documenting for. I mean, at that point it was probably over a year and the floodgates in my mind just opened. And I was like, Whoa, I could really do something with this. Like I could really make some money here. So it got a bit more serious for me. And so when I thought about, okay, let's go in this brand partnership direction, I studied it more. I researched it more, watched all the YouTube videos, talked to other girls. I was like, Hey, are you doing this? Like, what are you doing? Are we working with brands or are we pitching ourselves? Like what's this whole game? And everything relied heavily on metrics. So. How many followers do you have? What's your engagement like? Are people commenting? How quickly do they comment? Are they liking? Are they saving? Are they sharing? And, I mean, from the get go, that was very overwhelming to me and quite honestly took the fun out of it. Now, again, there are other people that absolutely thrive in this area and they probably don't pay too much attention to the metrics and the metrics work out. Or they, or they love focusing on the metrics because it's like a challenge to them. And so they're like, Oh, that one didn't do so well. Huh? I wonder why. Okay, cool. Let's try this tomorrow. And they're much more like flexible in that area. I was not because again, I was very insecure. So a photo, a carousel, I don't think reels were out at that time. And so I would always constantly check my numbers and I was like, gosh, like this one tanked what the, what the F like this isn't working. And I would make it mean something about me. I would take a failed, I'm using air quotes here, a failed post on Instagram and make it mean something about Katya. Like, I'm not good enough. No one likes what I'm posting. I'm not pretty enough. I need to get better at editing. I need to post better content and write better captions. And me, me, me, me, me. I never once thought maybe it's the algorithm. Maybe it's the time of day. Maybe people just didn't even see my post. So before I could separate from the metrics, I definitely meant. Made it mean something about me. And so what that led to was Issues in my relationships like my friendships because I could see when people see my stories like you I don't know if all of you know that listening, but When you look at let's say my story I can see that you saw my story so You know, obviously you're not constantly checking even though in those days I was and I would always see one of my best friends watching my stories, but never liking, never engaging, never commenting, never saving. And when you don't do that to, let's say an influencer's account, you feel like you don't get their support. Like they're not supporting you and your business. And you might take it some type of way. And I definitely did because I blocked her. I eventually blocked her from my Instagram. And she didn't find out until like a week later. And she's like, Hey girl, I was trying to see your stories and you haven't posted in a while. Is everything okay? And I was like livid because I was like, First of all, it took you a week. And then second of all, you're just asking. So you can like troll my account and watch my shit and then not say anything and not like, I don't know. I just, I blew up on her and I told her, I was like, no, I blocked you because you didn't support me. You didn't whatever. And she got so offended. She got so pissed and it really damaged our friendship. Me blocking her on Instagram because of a stupid reason, damaged our friendship. And after that happened, like after we got mad at each other and didn't talk for a while, I started to do the inner work. I turned inwards and I was like, was this an overreaction? Should I have cared? Like, why did I, why did this piss me off so much? And so I turned in words, I looked at my problem versus just pointing the finger, which we all like to do. And I realized like, wow, I'm just really insecure. Like who cares if she doesn't engage with my shit? She doesn't even know that. I'm trying to make money here or she did know that but she didn't know like What the brands look for and that the metrics mattered that much but also it's one girl Like I probably shouldn't be focusing on her. I should probably be focusing on the masses So That was one thing that happened and it forced me to, again, turn inwards and realize, ooh, this might have been a flaw, on my behalf. So, I reached out, I apologized, it took a while to mend the friendship because, I mean, it's, it's I guess she was a little stubborn, but we are friends again today. So everything worked out, but that was a real wake up call for me. I was like, Whoa, okay. Katya's a little insecure over here. Secondly, I also love to play like the victim and really blamed everyone for my lack of success in the influencer world and metrics and all that stuff. But realized I was so triggered. When people didn't ask me about my side hustle or when they acted like they don't know, but they do because they follow me on social media. Like I just was really triggered every time that happened because these are people that are my loved ones. They're familiar faces. Like, of course they should support me, but they didn't. And that took a long time where I need to like process and heal and try to understand. Okay, like why am I so impacted about this? Basically, why do I give a fuck if these people ask me or don't ask me about my business like what insecurity is that within myself and Remember when you do the inner work and you realize your contribution to the situation You have so much freedom. You gain so much You Empowerment through that accountability. And so I realized again, okay, I have more insecurities because I care so much about what they think about what they say, whether they support me or not. Like, what is like, why don't I just believe and trust in my vision outside of my loved ones, why can't I impact a stranger's life and if someone doesn't get what I'm doing? Why does that matter? I'm not running around them and checking. Hey, you posted today. How are your metrics? Hey, I gave you another like I hope that helps. Hey, I wasn't doing that. So why did I expect that on the receiving end? So all of your insecurities will rise up to the surface. Number two, it's a lonely road, but temporarily. So, when I was still at my tech company, this was even before I side hustled, I was insecure, still dealing with body image issues. So this is, like college, but also coming out of college. So 22, 23 years old. And I was quiet and I was shy and people would talk over me and I would let them. And I just kind of just was going with the flow of life and people love that shit. There, there are people that love that small, shy, quiet version of me because maybe they get to shine more or, whatever, but people do love the small version of you. And as I branched off and started doing my own thing and building a side hustle and eventually moving to Chicago, my relationships did change, but also I noticed people viewed me differently and some judged me and they didn't like the best of me. bigger version of Katya and so those relationships did change and you do outgrow some of your, let's say, loved ones or familiar friendships or even acquaintances. If you have co workers that you work with, you do outgrow them, especially if you are on this personal development journey or growing your own business and doing your own thing. But, It's kind of a beautiful thing as well, right? Because we don't ever focus on the loss. We focus on the gain. So anytime I lost someone in my life or we just became distant with time and our energies weren't there anymore, that we weren't really compatible, let's call it. I always focused on the gain. I always focused on, well, this makes more room for someone that is much more aligned with my values and my beliefs and what I'm doing and what they're doing in their life. And this is great. This is a gift. Embrace it. Before I realized that I, I love to, to give this analogy to really hopefully give you like the visual, I call it the bridge analogy. I even use this in my the big shift in my three month life transformation program. So when you do transform your life and you change every, I mean, you could change your job, you, your body could change if you're on this weight or, or health. path or you move or whatever big life milestone you come across. You leave this old world and you step into a new world. And so your old world, just to give you a bit more of a definition, your old world is again who you've been brought up with. So family friends, maybe you grew up with them, maybe neighborhood, so neighbors, Acquaintances your community. It's this old world that you have built based off of your version of yourself and your again belief systems and your actions and decisions you've made and where you decide to work and all that stuff. But as you change and as you transform and as you want different things and you decide to not stop. Settle anymore, hence the action of moving career change, whatever it is. There's like this bridge that appears before you build this new world, this new life. So, so let's say. For example, I have like this friend group and I don't really feel like I'm in touch with them anymore. I don't really feel like we have much in common. Maybe I feel judged. Maybe I don't feel like they get it and I always have to like prove what I'm doing to them. Whatever. And so I start to distance myself because I don't like the feeling anymore. I don't feel like I'm included or loved or supported. And so I start to decline invitations to dinners. I start to have other things on my calendar. I start to just take those few steps right outside or, or away. Well, I don't have any other, let's call new friends yet because I haven't met them. I haven't tried other things. Because I've always been with this old friend group. And so there's this temporary bridge that you come across, where you're, you're starting to walk across the bridge from that old world, which is the old version of you, before you make it to the new version and build that new world that you dream of, your vision. You're on this bridge and think of the bridge as like this one person type bridge, like the width that only carries you. So we don't have people on the bridge, it's just you. That's a lonely period in your time. And you might not even know exactly what this new world consists of, right? Fear of the unknown. We don't really know what we're getting ourselves into. Where does this bridge lead? We don't really know. Maybe we just see darkness ahead, but you have to trust. This is what I learned. You have to trust that there's that blind faith that I always talk about. That once I get to the other side of the bridge, there's a whole new life. there waiting for me. It's like this, utopia appears out of the mountains, out of the fog, out of the clouds, like, like visualize that. But I have to get across the bridge to even see this. And so that bridge, if you're listening to this and you do feel like no one gets me, no one understands what I want. I just moved to this new place. I have no friends. You're just on the bridge right now and you have to keep walking and you have to keep going and you eventually will form this new world of your dreams, of your vision. And it's really, really fucking cool. So it's a lonely road, but again, temporarily, because I think it's even necessary to go along this. Lonely road, this lonely bridge, because it does force you to go inside and do some of the inner work and then even reach out for help and look for other people doing the same thing. Like that pain you feel, remember it's a blessing. It's a gift because we have to feel that pain to then move forward and move away from the pain towards that pleasure, that pleasure that all humans seek. So hopefully that bridge analogy lands with some of you guys, especially if you're in it right now. Number three, no one knows what they're doing. So I thought everyone for the longest time had it figured out and they were better than me and I put them on a pedestal. But the more and more I realize with building a business and the more people I meet and even mentors, we are all here just trying to figure it out. None of us know what's happening tomorrow. Not one person. I can't, like, a billionaire, I can't. politician, whoever is really high in status in our Western society, they cannot tell you what is going to happen tomorrow. There are theories, there are opinions, maybe there's patterns from history that they could go off of, but at the end of the day, factually speaking and guarantee, it does not exist. Not one person can tell the future. And what that did for me is really took everyone off their pedestal regardless of the level and I understood like it clicked. I was like, we're all humans. We're all literally just trying to make a buck and find love and have health and enjoy our days as much as possible. And. That's it. Like, like we have all the same values for the most part. And when I realized we're all just here trying to figure it out, it just made it so much more easier to go down this path of entrepreneurship because I'm like, everyone around me is also fucking up, but also figuring it out. Like, it's all good. We're just all here trying to do our best. There was one example that really clicked for me and hit this concept home. I was in a business mastermind and I put the, the mentor, the coach on a pedestal. Also just because of the size of. Their account and podcast downloads like much, much further along than I was. And so admittedly I put them on a pedestal, but when I was a part of their mastermind, I was invited into like, let's call it a level two of the mastermind where only a select few were invited because of numbers and metrics and results and all that stuff. But then, after two months of being in that mastermind, it should have been six months, after two months they decided to retire the program. And they retired it because, I mean, rightfully so because of let's call it growing pains and just things weren't really working out for this specific mastermind and whatever. But I just realized in that moment, I was like, wow, even this person who I've put on a pedestal and with a huge company making millions of dollars also still fucks up and has to figure it out. I'm sure the intention was never to launch and reveal this awesome. Business mastermind that was six months and then have to retire it after two months. I'm sure that wasn't part of the plan, but they had to do it anyways, because that's just what having your own business and being an entrepreneur is like. And when that happened and when I experienced it and I was on the receiving end, I was like, Oh my gosh. So even people at a crazy higher level than I am also go through this. And so it leveled the playing field for me. And just realize again, regardless of the level, like we're all human, we all fuck up. We all have things that we need to figure out. So I thought that was a really good example. Especially for me when I went through that time, I was like, yeah, no one's got to figure it out. It's, it's all good. So I think for you listening. I just wanted to be honest with, with some of the things that I went through as I went on this climb, let's call it a building a business. But again, as I reflect back, it's still the most rewarding experience. It's, it was still so worth it because I had to go through the pain. I had to do the inner work. I had to be on that bridge all alone because it's the quickest way to actually build confidence and self trust within yourself. I think we all look for like the easy path and the easy way to get to our destination, but it's like, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how it works. You have to be essentially ready for that. And to be ready, you have to go through some of these painful moments. So again, welcome it, embrace it. Shit hits the fan. You're like, okay, cool. Solution mode. Let's go next. I think a really good mindset to have that I adopted a few years ago and I still have, but it's like, I don't know. I view life almost like a game, right? Like, like just trying shit and going through shit and just trusting that it's all part of the plan and lessons will be learned and I will be okay. And. I will come out stronger on the other side. And there's like this meme, it's like, let's fuck around and find out how powerful we are. And it adds that playful dynamic with the fuck around part. Cause it's like, again, we don't know what we're doing. We're all just trying to figure it out and do our best. So let's just try shit. And then let's just. Discover how powerful we are because through the fucking around, we get to meet our insecurities. We get to meet the edges of our comfort zone. We get to understand our strengths and our weaknesses and our vulnerabilities. And it's such a beautiful process. And so I hope this entire episode is a huge reframe for you, because again, if you are building a business, there's going to be some shit, but allow it, open arms to it, because it's all part of the process. So that's what I got for you this week. If anything about this episode resonated with you, please do me a favor and take a screenshot of this podcast and post it on your stories and tag me at Katya. Lillian. I would love to connect with you. So thank you in advance and I appreciate you until next time. Bye.