Being Misunderstood, How to Deal With Shitty Friends & My Modeling Career?!

I'm excited for this week's episode because rather than hearing me interview someone, I am actually getting interviewed. I was interviewed by my friend Nora Virginia, another amazing coach in the space. 

On her podcast, Glow Up to Blow Up, Nora and I discuss the following:

• Pregnancy & Entrepreneurship
• Body Image struggles while growing up
• How the traditional route failed me
• My modeling days
• Societal expectations of women's bodies

I really hope you guys love this episode - if you do, I would love for you to take a screenshot, post it on your stories & tag me (@katja.lillian) so that I can see it!

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Transcript

0:00

Hello? Hello. Hello. Welcome back. To the building, her podcast, you guys are really going to enjoy. Today's episode because rather than me. Interviewing. Doing someone I am actually getting interviewed. I was interviewed by my. My friend and fellow coach, Nora Virginia on her podcast. Cast glow up to blow up. Nora and I discuss our. Shared pregnancy experience because our due dates. We're only. Only two days apart from each other. My body image. Story how my life changed after my Tony Robins experience. Societal expectations on how a woman's body should. Would look like. My side hustle days. And so. Much more. I really hope you guys love this episode. If you do. Please take a screenshot, post it on your stories and. Tag me at Katia dot Lillian so that I can see it. All right. Let's. Hey, my name is Katya Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and channel. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. Katya, welcome back to the, or welcome back to the podcast, everyone. And welcome Katya to the podcast. Super excited to have you and just for everyone listening, we just recorded for. Katya's podcast called building her. So we're very much in the podcast mode. We were like, wait a second, we could keep talking for two hours. So I'm sure we'll go all over the place in this episode. And you guys are in for a treat. So thank you for being here, Katya. And do you want to introduce yourself and just share a little bit about what you currently do in your business for those of you that don't know you. Yeah. Thank you so much, Nora. I am so excited for this conversation. I have been looking forward to it for a long time. And I know we just recorded my. Podcast episode and you were my first guest expert. So I appreciate it. Um, for those who don't know me, so I'm Katya Lillian. I started off as a life and mindset coach, and now I have also gone down the business coaching lane for probably the past two years now. I am happy to say I've also podcast, pretty much doing the same thing like you we both live here in St. Petersburg. We're both expecting we're both due within two days of each other. It's kind of wild, but yeah, I'm just, I'm loving life. I love what I do. I pour into my clients and love to see them succeed. And I really, really feel like I will be doing this for the rest of my life. So that's my intro. I love it. It's so special. Having you, I'm sure people are going to recognize you from my stories and stuff like that too. But it's so, yes, awesome having you here because I feel like you're, you might be my only friend that does like the same exact type of work as me, which is super helpful because we get to like brainstorm each other's businesses and just ideas and it's just nice to have, yeah, an open book basically. And it's so fun because I shared this on Katia's podcast, but I want to share it here too. When we first met, which was. Less than two years ago. We were both just like kind of starting out I think in our first year of business or so maybe pretty early on I think I guess I was done consulting at that point I think you were just wrapping up part time at your job probably but anyways, we both had not had like our first six figure year I remember drinking like wine at that place wherever it was and like looking at our numbers and all the things So anyways, it's so cool to fast forward and just see like One, how our friendship has blossomed, but then business as well. And to see that, yes, we are due within two, three days of each other, which is fun too. So, um, okay. So Cassie, I have so many things I want to ask you, but I want to start off because I was thinking about it before we recorded this episode. And when I think of you and your coaching, I think of. confidence, body image, self love, like belief, like follow your dreams. Like that's the energy that I feel. So obviously I didn't know you for, you know, like more than two years ago. So I'm curious in your journey and what it looked like when maybe you were like in high school or college or like early in your corporate years. Do you have the same level of confidence and self love as you do right now? And what sort of like sparked this whole like movement and transformation within you? Yeah, absolutely not. I'm just completely opposite of who I am today and what you see. Uh, in high school, I had so many body image insecurities. That's actually where my personal development story begins because I'm tall and 5'11 and I just towered over all the girls and most of the boys growing up, which I think if I reflect back is okay. But I think it was also just the world that I was in, the environment that I was in. Kids can be mean. They say certain things that make you. Insecure in your body and, and they plant that seed of you're not normal or you literally stand out or they just made it. Oh, they made me aware that there was something different about me. And by no means is that a bad thing, but I took it as a bad thing because I think at that age we all want to fit in and be normal and be included and all the things. So yeah, I had a tough time with body image. Throughout high school, throughout college, I played tennis. And so that's actually where it came. My height came into play and actually helped me. But then after the first two years of college, I essentially quit because I had this mindset of, Oh, I got to get a real job. This is just a fun hobby, right? I can't do anything with this. And so I decided to quit and then. Go to college, get my first internship and take that path. But that was a huge identity crisis for me. Cause then now I was like, well, what the fuck am I going to do now? My height doesn't make sense anymore. I actually tried to do modeling. I don't think anyone's ever heard We're sharing it here first, folks. Wow. But, but just again, because I was like, well, I'm tall. So what could I use my height for? Oh, modeling. And so, yeah, true story. When I moved to LA, I tried to model and it did not go very well. Bad experience, bad experience. Um, but anyways, I just kind of went the standard route, if you will. So I graduated, got my internship, got a nine to five, was unhappy, got fired from my first job after six months. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I, my major was communication studies, so you could really do anything with that. And, um, then I landed at some tech company, found it as a temp first, and then they hired me on fire. months. And I was just surrounded with also former athletes. The CEO used to play volleyball at USC. So I just felt a little seen and accepted in that environment. And it just so happens that my CEO was into personal development. And so they paid for us to go to Tony Robbins. And so to answer your question, that was my, moment where everything changed because it was my introduction to the personal development world and everything that Tony had us do and everything I experienced and people I met just rocked my world. And I honestly haven't looked back since I've been on this path of personal development ever since. Were you, did you know who Tony Robbs, Robbs, who Tony Robbins was? No fucking clue. No fucking clue. Wow. And then, okay, I'm curious, did everyone, you were clearly like, I've heard about this event. This is a big part of your story that like changed everything for you. Yeah. Was everyone on your team and at your company, like high off this event and like on the same sort of kick, or did you have a different experience? Some of the other people that you were with great question. I had a different experience. I think there was one other guy that had an amazing experience and I think he quit his job right away and went into the army. I don't know. It was just something on his heart. He was like, fuck this job. He went to the army, but other than him, it was just really me. And I really feel like I was a changed person from the girl that walked in the door through, er, and then out the door. Um, I, I just had like, More confidence in myself and who I was. I really healed my body image. I had so many mindset reframes that he taught us. Uh, just everything I learned and what came up for me. It was really like such a healing, um, experience for me, but at the same time, showing me what's possible and I don't know, like witnessing Tony Robbins on stage, he like didn't go to the bathroom for the first day. Like it was like 12 hours and he never left the stage. I'm like, this guy's a superhuman, right? So. I think it was just the energy I felt. I, I've never felt that level of energy before. Um, it was just like physically demanding, but pushed me to another level. And then also mentally and emotionally, it's hard to describe unless you're there, which by the way, he still does it. Um, it might be a little different now, but yeah, it was just me and some other guy that had this amazing experience. Most others, they were like, he's crazy and they didn't like it. Yeah. I would just imagine that you also, you had to have been a very open person at that period of your life though, too, because I'm thinking about myself and like. Say I went to an event with all my co workers and I was like, yeah, I don't know in my young 20s and everyone around me was like, oh, this is kind of like stupid and blah, blah, blah. And like, didn't love it. It would probably damage my experience a little bit. So did you just like have a really open mind and go off on your own or like, you know, how did that play out? Yeah, I am. I think timing is everything. So at the age that I was 24 and then having already getting or gotten fired from my first job landed then at this tech company still feeling pretty lost and confused with the direction of my life. I think there were a lot of questions I had. And so then going into the space where it forced me to reflect and turn inwards. And I don't know, maybe all the things I was searching for, but didn't know it, it just hit me, right. It was like everything I needed. Um, And more, uh, to your point though. So it's a four day seminar day one, lots of people from the company would kind of group together in the back. There's 10, 000 people at this conference. So huge. And, uh, yeah, they just kind of talk shit and complained and were negative and pessimistic and all these things. And within the first 10 minutes, I was like, I love this. Like I am hooked. And just the energy of it all. And, um, I had to choose bravery and courage, I would say, two step away from the pack and really be like, you know what, I'm going to protect my experience and I'm going to get the most out of this, even if I appear as an outsider to, to these people. And even if they judge me, I really didn't care. And I'm so happy I did that. I'm so proud of myself. Oh my god, yeah, it's changed your entire life. I want to go back to the body image stuff though, too, because I feel like It's not talked about enough and it's something that we've all Been through like i've been through that stage in my journey, too and I think that it could be it can be really challenging. I mean there's people I still talk to client wise that like really struggle with this of like I will be happy when my body looks different and it's like difficult to get past. So you are very tall. And one thing I've always noticed about you is like your confidence behind it of like, sometimes when we take pictures, you're just like, ah, I'm just like, we got to like scratch down a little bit or like I'm on my tippy toes. I'm five three. So there's a difference, you know, but I've, I've never felt once. This is such a compliment to you. I've never felt like once in your energy, any, any insecurity about body or height or anything. I've actually noticed the opposite about you. So I want to dig into that. Yeah, I want to dig into that a little bit. What is some of the like actual work that you had to do? Whether I know you're big into journaling. Um, like what were some of the things that you feel like really helped you with the body image theme specifically? Yeah, I'm so happy that you brought that up and are asking me this question because like I said, it was the start of my personal development journey. And just like you, it comes up in every client conversation I have. A business client right now and working on building her coaching business. And just the other day, she sent me a voice note. She's like, okay, I think I'm okay in business right now. Like I've got it figured out. And she signed some one on one clients and, um, amazing results. And she's like, so let's focus now on body image. And I was like, wow, interesting that we want to kind of circle back and focus on that. I think, I guess two parts to that. response, that answer. Number one, body image for women is very loud in our world and our society. For example, I just went to this dog beach here in St. Petersburg. We go with our dogs every weekend. And so I'm wearing a bathing suit and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. So we've got a belly and this woman walks by and she's like, I don't normally ask, but I think it's safe now. Like, How far are you, or, or when are you due? And I was like, Oh, December 1st. And her first comment was, Oh, well, you look amazing. And I was like, interesting. I'm pregnant and I'm producing life and this human child is in my belly yet. You're just concerned about how I look right now. So I think it's just so woven into our society that we don't even recognize it. That's number one. Number two, I think with. What you said earlier, actually, when we were recording my podcast, I had to learn and understand that anyone who says something about my height, and it could be something simple, like, wow, you're tall or wow, how tall are you? Or any kind of reference to that. It's really just a representation of their reality and their perspective. And so as a kid in high school, I don't have that type of thought process or no one's ever taught me that. So when someone makes a comment, I just took it as I'm the weird one. I'm the outcast. I don't fit in. And now it's just something worth celebrating for me. I love that I'm tall. I love that. I stand out in a crowd. I See the benefits of it in my career and my business and being this tall, proud, confident woman. But I don't think a lot of people celebrate that. And so I had to give myself permission to celebrate my body and not really care what other people thought, because some of them made me think it's also beautiful and they love it. But I just think the majority is always like discomfort and maybe even intimidation, which I found out with guys later on down the road, if I'm towering over them, they don't like that. So, yeah, I think the biggest thing was reframes and understanding that people live in their own reality. They have their own opinion. You mentioned they have their own story around it and that's them that has nothing to do with me though. Yeah, I love that. Oh my God. So interesting that you brought up the story of the beach and how woven is woven into our society. It is because I've had the same exact experience. And I brought this up to my sisters a couple of weeks ago. I'm like, everyone is constantly saying like, you look great. You look amazing. And I was like, I say like, thank you. But like, I genuinely was like, I'm a little like confused. Like what is help me like get up to speed on why people say that. And I was like, cause my thought process was like, Thank you. But like, I'm supposed to be gaining weight. Like I'm building a human life. So it wasn't like, I was like offended, but I was more like intrigued. Like, what does this mean when I'm literally supposed to be gaining weight? Like if I'm not gaining weight, that's a problem, you know? So anyways, they were like, Oh, well, some people, I think people say that. Cause you know, some people gain weight other places and like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And. Whatever, but I was like, yeah, it's just so interesting though, because then I feel like for the person that doesn't hear that ever, like what? So I don't look great. I'm gaining weight. Like that should be the last thing on someone's mind. When they're pregnant is how much weight am I gaining and where So I like again people mean it from like a very like complimentary place. That's why I was so Fascinated by it and I still am like you're carrying so nicely. I'm like, oh Like what would it look like if I wasn't, you know, I, I just feel like this whole podcast episode can be devoted to this topic. But yeah, I think to your point, it's like, why are we so focused on the looks of a pregnant woman? Like, why is that the first thing? And why is it also that it's complimentary to be like, Oh, you look fantastic. It's like, I don't understand why that is? Something that you need to say, like what about health or how do you feel or how's your energy or, you know, like, I feel like that would be more important. Um, it's also interesting. Postpartum, I'm already getting comments of, oh, You will bounce back. I was like, what does that even mean? Oh my God. It's so interesting. Yeah. And I think too, is okay to reflect back on what you said about like how you started to work on your body image too. I loved everything that you said. And for me, I just look back at. periods in my life where like I was like really thin at certain points and I was always the most unhappy and miserable when I was the smallest actually like it just like I feel like in the moment like college or whenever it was I always thought like oh I would like you know love myself more and feel more confident if I was just thinner and then I was and I was like my confidence was at like the lowest part that it ever could have been at that point and I think it's so powerful to also like which you talk about this a lot too but for me like Recognize like appreciate your body for what it does. So it's like, okay, if you are constantly saying that your, your legs are big and your stomach, stomach's big, like, how about that? Like some people like honestly can't walk and like your legs are doing that work. So maybe you should be grateful for your legs or like some people like, you know, your body, your stomach is digesting food. Like how about you turn that into like. gratitude and celebration and I think that that goes such a long way too because otherwise I feel like it's this thing that you think is going to change how you feel internally and it doesn't like if you drop weight or if you whatever it may be like you're you're not going to actually change how you feel inside yeah so I'm curious on the on the topic of that when you think about like Like some of the biggest things that have changed the way that you feel inside, meaning like how much you believe in yourself and how much you love yourself and like you setting boundaries and stuff like that. What are some of the tools that have allowed you to kind of like actually feel different internally? I've, where do I start? There's a lot, just maybe even whatever feels like it's coming to you right now. Yeah, I think, um, the first thing that comes up is actually physically how I view that now in terms of my health and my workouts and just my physical body. Cause that was also something I had to work through. I think a lot of the narrative in our society is lose weight, be thin to your point, like that's. That's the goal. Yet sometimes that's not even what we want and we don't feel our most confident then. So I think for me, I had to also revisit losing weight and being at a certain, uh, weight on the scale and constantly obsessing over what I'm eating and not eating and things like that. So I, I still hear it all the time of people wanting to lose weight to feel their best and all this stuff, which, you know, there's two ways to go about it. If you need to lose weight because it's a health issue and you really are holding extra weight and you're not moving and you're not eating right. And now your energy is depleting. Well then, yeah, like let's work on that. Right. But I think when it comes to aesthetics. And that's the goal of like, I want a tiny waist or I want this, or I want that. That's where I think you could really go down a slippery slope. Because for me, I know I always wanted to lose weight. I always want it to be like 10 pounds thinner, especially for like a dress I had to wear or a trip I was going on. There was always like some event that I had to get skinny for. And, uh, now this part of the inner work I've had to readjust. How I view my weight and how I take care of myself. It's never about losing weight anymore. It's never about being a specific size. It's never about being a number on the scale. It's all about energy for me. It's all about vitality. It's all about longevity. And if I go outside and I walk and I do 10 minutes of Pilates to a YouTube video and I feel awesome, then I'm awesome. You know, like it's not about, Oh. I wonder if that's like a pound off or, Oh, like, I'm just not stressing over that anymore. And I trust my body is going to get strong with the more that I move. So physically, uh, I had to reframe my mindset on that and just how I take care of my body. I think some of the other, um, What was the question in our work? Like tools. Yeah. Just any tools that, yeah, that have like helped you like shift your relationship with yourself and like how you feel. Yeah. Yeah. So after my workout, I actually meditate. So meditation is huge. It just gets. me into a place of calm and peace and really reflect on what matters most to me. I think a lot of the noise in my head is just garbage and some of the same like repeating thought patterns. And so detecting that is number one. So that you can choose what you're thinking about and what you're allowing to kind of stick around. So meditation has been huge. It also forces me to be grateful. So a gratitude practice, whether that's meditation or journaling, I love journaling, um, I think gratitude trumps fear every time. So if I'm feeling any kind of fear with anything I'm doing in my life, I always find gratitude in it, even hard moments. And that really helps me a lot. I think also boundaries. Like, sorry, I can't give my time to everyone because a lot of people, I say this all the time, I put people into two buckets. They're either batteries or they're vacuums. Have you heard of that before? I've heard it from you. Yes. So it's such an easy way to think about it. Like batteries are people I surround myself with that give me energy, that light me up, that support me, that love me, that brainstorm with me, that are optimistic, that are just My kind of people, right? And then there's vacuums who are only negative and pessimistic and fear driven and complain and gossip. And so, yeah, I've got to put boundaries up because energy is everything. They could drag me down with them, right. In terms of energy. And so I think I just have tighter boundaries and quite honestly, I don't give a fuck. Okay. Yeah. If, if people get upset. By that, because I think to your point on my podcast, when we're talking about self love, it's this act of self love that I have to really have as a practice and keep intact so that I can keep doing what I'm doing and building my business and serving my clients. If I'm not taking care of myself, no one wants a watered down version and I can't be the best coach that I can be. So I think boundaries are huge as well. Um, Last thing I'll say what's coming up for me is visualization. So I think a lot of us get stuck in the day to day, or we actually tell ourselves like, this is just who I am. This is how life will always be in a very fixed mindset. And so I turned to visualization a lot because my reality didn't match my dream world yet, right? Like my reality when I was side hustling back in the day, but I didn't have the results yet. And I have the clients. I didn't have the money, like all the things. And so when I could tap into visualization and really just dream and see myself in this position of being a coach, having a six figure business, having a podcast, everything, it just made it more exciting. And it made my confidence higher because it's like, I already saw it. Yes. It's in my mind's eye, but it made it that much more believable and possible for me. So good. Oh my God. There's so many different things I want to go into right now. I want to go back to the boundaries thing really quick and go even more like detailed and nitty gritty on this. Yes. So I am so curious when it comes to like friendship, it doesn't matter who it is, but friendships is just like an easy one when it comes to like the batteries in the, the vacuum, cause I've had. To have a lot of friendships like evolve is what I like to say. I'm not like I did so many friendships But like yeah friendships have definitely evolved in my life during certain years because of exactly what you just said where I was just like This is too much I'm not getting anything basically from this relationship anymore. So on a really like detailed or practical level, like, okay, say someone is a vacuum and texts you and like really wants to hang out and is like persistent because I feel like this comes up for a lot of people. How do you navigate that in your response to that person? Okay, well, there's I think there's like two different ways to go about it and it's based off of the timing of your friendship. So if I was really close with someone and we could already feel it. change, right? So I'm doing different things. I'm interested in different things and the paths kind of divide. Then I feel like I just kind of let distance happen and kind of let it fizzle out is the best answer. And then it's kind of mutual too, cause they don't really know or care what I'm doing and vice versa. So it just kind of fizzles out. But if it's a friend that's maybe a bit more recent and you don't have this energy where you feel like you're already, um, growing apart, I think it's hard, but I think honesty would come into play. I really do. And you don't have to be like bitchy about it or Um, too confrontational about it, but just honesty of like, I'm doing this thing and I'm, I don't know the context of, of, um, you know, the example, but like for me, if it was a friend who didn't understand me building a business, didn't understand personal development, who didn't understand life coaching. And I feel judged in that. And I don't feel truly supported by them. I would absolutely let them know. Right. Like, It really hurts my feelings that I started this podcast almost a year ago and you haven't listened to one fucking episode. Like, like there's some disconnect here. And so maybe it's worth a conversation because maybe they could actually just have no clue and you could work on that and preserve it. But, um, for the most part, in my experience, they just don't get it and they don't want to get it. And so then it's just being honest and kind of let it, yeah. Separate. Yeah, no, that's really, really helpful. And I feel like we've had a lot of like offline conversations about friends, not necessarily supporting your business. Um, and I think I have this conversation with like so many of my clients too. I think it comes up for a lot of people. But I'm curious to hear what you think about it too. But I just feel like the more and more I think about this and what I realized is like, I, I don't think people understand what it means to have a business sometimes until they have a business. Like, it's so crazy. Like one of my best friends started a business, I don't know, maybe a year ago. And she said like, wow, like. I didn't know like what you had to go through in the beginning just because it there's a lot of like Things to face from you know, fear perspective mindset all of that kind of stuff It's like all of your shit comes up And I really don't think that people that aren't in the position Like understand sometimes. What do you think? Yeah, I completely agree. But at the same time, I don't want to give them like an out Yeah for that. I got because yeah, just because I think of myself maybe in their shoes, right? and I don't know anything about whatever they're doing or They're maybe they don't have their own business, which is totally fine. But maybe they love their other I Job or nine to five or whatever the the context is I still show curiosity. I still ask questions. I still I'm, like how's everything going? You know, how can I help you? Whatever support you need even though it's not entrepreneurial I'm sure there's still some hardship that they are going through. We're all human, right? so I think for me, it's just You It's very telling if someone doesn't support, but more so just like ask questions or show genuine curiosity of what their best friend is doing right, especially if it's a friend. Um, now I realize, cause it's happened quite a few times and actually recent too, but I think, um, there's a lot of like judgment. That comes up and, and their insecurities or their belief system is tested in terms of who does Katya think she is to build her own business, right? Who does Katya think she is to become a life coach? Really her? Like, I don't know. It's that judgment that, that I feel. Um, and it's also just very loud of, they didn't say that to me, but it's loud with their actions or lack of, I should say. And I just don't have time for that because I would never do that as a friend. Right. I would never do that. So yeah, it's unfortunate, but that's what I see. Yeah. And it's a, it's a blessing. What I always say is, rise to meet you or they away with love. Like it d aggressive falling out. I gonna rise to meet me or out? And I loved what you I think it just from like understand from a relatio that you care. So, you kn So I'm curious because I have had this come up an at different points and I up with your clients to n more of the business coac you deal with like some o you feel or how would you that's feeling maybe reje Their parent doesn't understand or their, let's, let's go into the partner thing because we're both lucky Mm-Hmm. that we have husbands that really are supportive and understand, but I know that that's not everyone's reality. So partner or not, I guess it's like, how would you deal with the rejection that comes up? Really good question in the beginning. Yeah. In the beginning in my journey, when I was still figuring out that coaching was my path, right. Because I was still doing more of the fitness and like, let's call it influencer brand marketing type work on social media. It was still very wellness and personal development focus, but it wasn't directly coaching. So. I was experiencing social media in this online world and started to make a few dollars here and there where I was like, wow, we could actually make money through social media. Right. So, so cool. Um, nobody else understood what I was doing in my immediate circle. So that's coworkers still at my tech company or my family. None of them were on social media. None of them have built a business. So they don't get it. And so it did feel very lonely at times and very hard and very misunderstood. And it made me question. What am I doing? Right? Am I the, the weird one? Am I the odd one out? Why do I have this desire to go down this path? I could very easily just stay at my cushy tech job and collect a check every two weeks and travel and live and just, you know, do the thing. But there was something on my heart that just pulled me down this direction. And I really had to just stay true to that. When I realized that everyone else has their own opinion and perspective based off of their belief system, that really allowed me to Accept the rejection almost and embrace it as, as a part of the journey, because I was like, well, of course they don't understand it because they've never done it before. So why am I even trying to seek answers or guidance or advice from them? Right. Like now I know I will never ask someone who's never built a business before. How to build a business, right? Like they don't know, they don't have all the answers. And so that helped me a lot. Mindset wise, I think more tactically, what helped me a lot was get in the room or get in circles or go to conferences, retreats of other women who were doing the same thing, whether it was the same level or they were a few steps ahead. Steps ahead of me because then my reality started to change and I realized like, Oh, I'm not the crazy one. Like there's other crazy people out here just like me. And so I felt much more included, um, and safe to go down this path. So that just, the momentum kept going and, um, I had enough proof that it was possible. So yeah, some didn't matter. Sometimes I think about this. I was talking to, um, someone that's close to me that like just started her business and she was feeling like the judgment and rejection thing came up. And I was like, she's like, I'm sure you felt this too. Like, how did you deal with it? And I was like, I mean, how I look at it sometimes is like, if everyone understands, then you've missed the boat. Like you're, you're too late. You know, no one people shouldn't understand or else what you're isn't that innovative. It's not that new. You're not ahead of the curve. And for this person's business specifically, I'm like, yeah, you're going to get a lot of judgment. Cause like, I don't know anyone else that does this specific thing, but you know, four years ago, like no one was talking as much about like breath work and manifestation and nothing like they are at the level that they do now. I remember my dad used to like roll his eyes and now they're saying manifesting on the morning news and he points it out. Like, you know, it's just like so much more common, but it's like, Kind of like a reframe of like, oh, well good like people don't understand. So that must mean that like I'm doing something right because I don't want a life like everyone else's the thing So why would I do things in the exact same way? And that's why I loved how you brought up. I feel like this is like Everyone needs to hear it is yes. Why would you ask people advice? that do not have what you want. Yeah. It's a classic example, like single people asking their single friends about their situation ship. Your single friend probably, I'm sorry, doesn't know because she's not in a committed long term relationship. So yeah. Yeah, a hundred percent. I, it's like, if you don't want to trade places with them in their life, why, why would you even go to them for anything? Right. And I say that in the most lovingly way, I'm just, I'm not going to go and be vulnerable with them and seek for guidance and advice when they have nothing really to offer me. Other than an opinion, but what is the opinion even based on? It's not based off of experience, right? So, um, I wanted to touch on really quick cause you mentioned the partner and getting support from your partner during all of this. Bert is my partner. He's amazing. He's my husband. He's my baby daddy, the father of my child. Um, but he had no idea what life coaching was. He had no idea of building a business online. What, what that included or, you know, um, What that journey would be like, but he always supported me. So regardless of like what avenue and what lane I was going down, he just trusted and supported anything that I do. He would support that. And I think that was like a support. solid foundation for me because in those early days where I did feel rejected by family, friends, co workers, Bert was there. He was sometimes only the one that was supporting me. He was my rock. And, um, now of course he's like, Oh my gosh, like this is so cool. Yeah. But, but yeah, in those early days, he just like, Kind of trusted and loved me and knew that something would happen. So I think that was really, really pivotal for my, my job. Honestly, just almost started to cry, cry. I know. Well, it's just, you know, pregnancy hormones. No, it's really sweet. I was going to ask you about Burt specifically, actually on this podcast. So I'm happy that we're going in this direction. Because you've been with Bert since he's your high school sweetheart since you guys have been how old? 14 7 no 17 and a half end of junior year. Okay 17 and a half I i'm laughing because like I don't know that many people That have been with their husband for that long like they can genuinely say since And why I say that is because like I look back at like maybe some of the people I dated in like high school or college and I was like, Oh God, like would not have worked out. And I think it's really special to be able to grow with someone. So I'm curious, what do you feel like has been, you know, I guess your guys glue or like, what is it about both of you guys? Cause you've gone through like this huge metamorphosis multiple times. In the past 15 years, I guess it's been at this point. Bert, obviously I've only known for two years too, but I can tell like he, you know, got into more of his triathlon training. Like he's been on his own journey too. And I'm sure it's changed so much over the past 15 years. Yeah. What has allowed you guys to stay together for so long? Yeah, I love this question. So we had our ups and downs early on because we did long distance in college. He played basketball and I played tennis those first two years. And then he transferred, continued to play basketball his last two years. And then I remember got my real job. And so we were long distance partners. Pretty much all of college. That was hard because it was distance and life was pulling us in different directions. What we always came back to was one communication, but, but like an honest and vulnerable communication, I would say. So tears, anger, you name it. Like we just had to talk it out if you will. Um, but I think. Now looking back and being married to him, it's been 16 years, which is wild. I think the glue is actually allowing ourselves to grow at different times and on different paths. So what I like to call it is interdependence. So Bert has his own life. He has his own job. He has his own path, but it's still about like, Progress, right? And growing and never settling. And then for me, it's also like I'm on a different path. I am an entrepreneur. I am a coach, very different from him. He's not in the same industry, but he supports the growth. And the progress. And then what's really nice, what I've realized over the years is my growth and my learnings get to teach him. And then his growth and his learnings are very different than mine. Like you mentioned, triathlons and running and he's running his first marathon in L. A. in March. I haven't done that. And so there's. Different experiences that he gets and I get to benefit from that. So we get to teach each other, but I think, I think the baseline or the glue to your point is this always striving for more and progress and having that hunger and fire in our belly. Because I think if someone was more stagnant and didn't work on themselves, I think that would become a problem. I really do. And so both of us have to grow, even though that looks different. Uh, we still both get to benefit from each other's experiences. I love that answer. Yeah. I think it'd be challenging to be with someone that wasn't like into growth and performance and progress in the same way. But what I really want to highlight that you said that I feel like it's going to stick out for people too, is like, the detachment to the speed at what your partner is growing and whether it's in the same way or not because it's like you might go through things in your journey that Burt hasn't grown through yet and vice versa. And I think that sometimes it's like, you know, you obviously want to hold your partner to a high standard and like, you know, hold them higher than they can hold themselves and all of that kind of stuff. And at the same time, I think that, like, you know, what some other people might do in that instance, especially being in the work that we are, is like badgering their partner and beating them down for like not doing the same things, which doesn't feel good for the masculine either. So. A hundred percent. And I can actually say, I mean, there are definitely moments where there's hardship and it does require conversation because I do feel sometimes I'm a few steps ahead in my journey and my progress. And then sometimes he feels that way, especially in the fitness world. Because. I can't run a marathon right now, you know, that kind of stuff. Um, but I think what it comes down to is again, the communication and really just trusting each other that essentially like we'll catch up. Yeah. Not right. Like not to the level maybe, but, um, I just have to trust that if I feel like I'm a few steps ahead of Bert, he loves growth and progress that he can almost witness me and Be motivated by my growth and vice versa. And there's this underlying trust that we have that we both love growth and that we both will essentially catch up. We're not going to leave one behind kind of mentality. I love that. Yeah. So, so important. And I loved how you said, like, You don't even have to say anything. It's like you can just like be the light and have them witness it as well. I feel like it's also funny. I'm sure you've experienced this too, but like my class last week or a couple weeks ago, like I'm saying the word like triggered, like he'd be like, Oh, I was like triggered because X, Y, and Z was dying because I'm like, Oh my God, he's talking like me. Like I'm, I'm triggered because of this, but I was like, Hey, he's getting like the fact to announce that he is triggered and then he's explaining why it triggered him. And it was such a small thing, but it made me laugh one. Cause I was like, wow, he sounds like me right now. But two, just because I, I kind of operate the same where I'm not like, Mike, you need to go explore your triggers. Right? Like he just hears me talking and like has picked up on things. So that's cool too. Um, yeah, I love that. He uses the word triggered. That was a proud moment for you. So proud. And the best, I think I've mentioned this before. When he tries to say masculine and feminine butchers, the meaning butchers, I'm like, that's not what it means. He's like, what you mean is you're trying to be in your feminine, but that's not what I mean at all. Okay. I want to dig into your, a couple more things before we hop off. One of them is your business because you built a six figure business in a year as a life and mindset coach. And there is definitely. I will say limiting belief that I noticed that some people believe that they cannot make six figures as a coach for life and mindset work. And they're like, Oh, if it's not an entrepreneur investing in me, then people won't invest. If I'm not a business coach and people won't invest in me. And I love thinking about you because. You kind of defy that of like, no, you did it as a life and mindset coach far beyond who ever worked with like entrepreneurs or did business coaching. So talk to us about what are like, So I'm going to give you like some like strategic tips that you would give life and mindset coaches specifically that are trying to hit their first six figure year. Yes, I would love to. I would love to. So when I first started, I did not hire a coach or a mentor until. I don't know, years down the road. I waited a long time. I had some limiting beliefs around that. So I was making money and like part time money and stuff like that. Fun money. Let's call it. Yeah. But for some years leading up to the year where then my business exploded and I was able to hit the a hundred K. So before that year, there was some like exploration, let's call it. Yeah. And what I sold was a 600. six week program, which I was very proud of, but that number and that structure felt good for me. And I actually landed 10 clients that way. So when I landed 10 clients that way, I had made 6, 000 and I was like, awesome. But then I was like, Hmm, that's cute. This won't replace my income. Right. My, my six figure tech salary seemed like this mountain. And I was like, Oh my gosh, this only equated to. 6, 000. But that was a stepping stone. I needed to go through that to then ask the question, how do I replace my full time income? And from there, that's when I discovered my business coach who I invested in. And essentially I was just missing the business structure of building a business. So. What I see a lot, um, and I don't think it's a mistake at all because we're all on our own journeys and paths and we have different backgrounds, but what I do see a lot is like, you know, the ebook or the self paced course or program or something that is a lower ticket, um, Product, right? Which by all means, like I want to do that as well. But if you, if your focus is leaving a job or, okay, I want to make a hundred K and you really want to explode that growth and speed up that timeline, I had to learn high ticket was number one. And that is my only focus. And so what I turned to was one on one clients. And instead of six weeks, it was six months. Months. And so extending the timeline and only focusing on one type of client, the one on one, not the group, not the courses, like none of that, just one on one. I then, that's how I made six figures was truly off of one on one clients. Um, because also once you get a life and mindset client, there's so much trust that is built there. And after six months, I mean, 80 percent of them renewed for them the full year. And so I just had to essentially get them in the door, work with me for a little bit for them to even experience the change in the transformation. So that's my answer for anyone listening. Who's on that path, one on one clients, because it's your highest ticket offer. And. I work with them at least six months, but also it adds financial oxygen into your business. Yes, but also for them, they, they get the most transformation that way within six months, I've worked with clients now for years, right? The growth never stops. And so, um, be confident in selling that and know that you can really change someone's life in that amount of time. Yeah. So true and I feel like too, um, Mike walked, was just waving in the window and distracted me. Hi Mike! But I am a high ticket girly as well and I think that for those that don't have big communities it's so important for them to hear that too because a lot of the times I did the same thing in my first year of business where I was selling like a 99 per month membership And that's it. Like I have 2500 followers at the time I had 500 followers like I would need so many clients Every single month to ever hit my income goals. So I had sort of like the best epiphany or that same epiphany and The other thing that you said too is like I think that sometimes people make their packages is shorter or like lower ticket because they can get their confidence behind it. But what I always ask my clients is I'm like, wait a second, like how long is it going to take your client to get results though? Like that's how we, where we should be starting because you want to build your offers and packages based on their results and transformation and not around what can I praise that and like feel confident at a sales call. It's not about you and why that can be a problem is because you mentioned retention rates are really renewing. So you want to experience possible, whic life and mindset takes ti all of my packages are si Yes, it's going to help your client get results and then they're more likely to continue. So you're not always having to sell, sell, sell, find new people. And then also it helps build reoccurring income for your business, which is huge. So that every two months you're not like, Oh shit, I'm starting from square one as well, which is such a big deal. Exactly. And one thing I'll add with one on one clients, I had to have a lot of consultation calls, like instead of just marketing and throwing it up on Instagram, it's such a heavier decision, especially for the type of client that you are looking for. So it did require consultation calls and I just had to have some empathy for them because if I'm working with life and mindset, a lot of these girls, it's their first investment ever. Into a coach. And so I just had to have a lot of grace and compassion. Um, if they showed up to the call, which majority of them did, I have to understand that they really do want this. Like there is some kind of pain point struggle, whatever barrier they have that they want coaching. And so if there was ever like an objection that would come up, I had to really understand that it was a lot of fear or, uh, No, no, or write any of those normal emotions that come up for you to finally like take that action and actually invest. That's a scary decision. And I think for life and mindset coaches, if you can understand that and just be there for them during that and have the conversation versus like salesy, pushy, sleazy urgency, it's more of like. Let's just talk about it. What, what's coming up for you. Right. And letting them be open about that. That's usually how I got a lot of clients just by understanding what they were going through and what they were feeling. Yes. I love that you brought that up. You talked about that on your stories the other day. I saw too on like the pushiness verse, like how you would approach it, which I was like, okay, this is everything because I'm not. How you approached it was like what you just said understanding compassion curiosity of like well Tell me more like what's you know? What's coming up with the money stuff because you you signed up for this call for a reason a lot of people I think that this is the problem like you see that as like service like you're helping Get the client over the edge. It's not like let me take their money. It's like no Let me like have this heart to heart with them Because even before coaching starts, I always say, like, you want to hold your, your potential client up to a higher standard too. Right. And that's your way of doing that, of like, well, I want this person to get results and let's be real. I know that if they don't actually invest, they're not going to get results and their life's not going to change. So it's like everything that you said is you do it from a very much service based standpoint and like impact, which probably allows you to have those conversations easier than the person that's just like, Oh, I got to like make money though. And like, you know, all that kind of stuff, then yeah, it's not going to come off in the same energy. Yeah. I think if your focus and your mindset is I got to close the deal, I got to get the sale, they will absolutely feel that energetically. Right. Because it comes off as pushy. And, uh, I know the story you're referring to, it was the salesman from a solar energy company. And he, Burt was like, I need to think about it, which if you know sales, that's an objection. And the guy was like, What do you need to think about? You need to think about saving money. And even just his tone was so gross and icky. I got uncomfortable. My heart started racing. I was like, no. And so, um, I think to shift the focus, uh, or Your superpower during these calls, especially towards the end, when objections come up, expect the objection. Rarely do I ever receive, Oh my gosh, hell yeah, let's go. I think that happened once, but most of the time there's always an objection just because again, the fear, the discomfort of actually making a decision. Um, And then, yeah, just having grace with them. I think if I can focus on them and helping them get to their own transformation, that, that could already happen on the consultation call before we even work together for six months. Right. Like that's already a step. Over that, that wall, if you will, of holy shit, I just invested into a six month program. Like that's what your higher self would do, you know, like you just took aligned action. And so making them feel comforted in that decision and trust you that you could even take them along this journey. So all the focus is on them and their change and their transformation, not Me closing the sale. That's almost just a byproduct of it. Yeah. Yeah. So true. Yeah. I love that you're talking about this lately. I've been thinking about too. Cause as you know, I'm like redoing my website and I was outsourcing the accounting. I was talking to a lot of people who were selling me essentially. But the problem was, is a lot of people weren't selling me and I was so turned off that they lacked the skill of selling. Like, I'm like, you can't tell me like, How this is gonna help me lack a follow up like I show that is like you don't care And you're probably not gonna be someone that's gonna be like outstanding from a client service standpoint so I say that because sometimes people are like scared to care like it's gonna be pushy and needy and I'm like I literally will write someone off if they don't follow up with me or like do a good job selling me just because it makes Me feel like they're not gonna be Great in Business either so like the message is like yes, it's not about you It's about them and like show that you care too. So I love that. Yeah, so many good tips Okay, last few minutes. I want to obviously we're due within a few weeks of each other So I want to spend like the last few minutes on this topic of your pregnancy journey and like you're getting You You're also 30 weeks as we're recording this at least. So, oh my God, by the time, wait a second, this episode is going to drop the week we're both due. That's right. In December, you said early December, first week of December, December 2nd. Yeah. Crazy. So we may have babies at this point. We may not, but I'm curious what has been the biggest lesson for you that's come up in pregnancy. So many, and I feel like there will be so many more, but the lesson, the first one that comes up for me is that my business is not everything to me. Life is the North star and my business is a piece of it. So, um, I think that goes hand in hand with me having to slow down and essentially separate and distance myself a little bit from the business. That still pains me to say that. But, um, yeah, it was just this realization that my business. Isn't everything life, I is my north star and my goal to, to live big and do all the things that I want to do, and that business is really just, um, a part of that and, and fuels the life that I want to live. So that was probably the biggest lesson. Yeah. Most recently. Yeah. Yeah. I love that you brought that up. It's like, it's not like your business is not who you are. It's like what you do and making that distinction. I feel like that's, yeah, it's obviously been a journey for me too, as we talked about on your podcast. Okay. And then what are you most excited about in terms of motherhood? Like number one thing. Ah, the first thing that just popped up for me is actually proving people wrong. I love that. Snap. I, yeah, I just, you know, during my pregnancy now, and I don't know if you can relate, but there's definitely some rabbit holes you can go down on Google. Or, or, or other moms talking or podcast or books or whatever. And I do have to say majority is kind of negative and Oh, you know, just wait, your whole life is going to change. And they don't say that in a good way, you know? And so I just feel like. There, there was actually a lot of, um, belief systems I had to work through to even get to this point of, of enjoying pregnancy and becoming a mom. I had so many fears around that. And, um, it's because a lot of people don't believe you can do it or, or you have to choose being a business owner and a successful business owner at that. Or. Being a mom. And I'm like, fuck that. So yeah, I think the biggest thing is like, prove people wrong. I'm just going to, I'm doing it all. And I'm going to do it with a smile on my face. It's like life throws something at me. I got you like, let's go. Oh my God. I love this. Yes. I, yeah. Snap, stand, um, shoulder, shimmy, all of it. Shake our tits I could not agree more. Like, I will never say the words, just wait ever to anyone because I'm like, dude, like, come on. Um, but I'm so with you that that's been a huge motivation for me too. I know you work with clients that are also mothers as well. And a big part of me is like, okay, I'm going to be an example of also what's possible for you too, from a, you know, the standpoint of having a business and being a mom too. So I love that. What are you most nervous for? Number one thing, would you say? I would say the change. So as many, as you know, people are maybe negative about it or whatever. I do agree the reality of there is change involved in my time will be needed to raise my daughter and things like that. So I think I'm most nervous just for like, The unknown, because obviously this is my first pregnancy, my first child. I don't really know what to expect. And so when everyone says, Oh man, you're going to be breastfeeding like all day, every day. And the first six months are the most rough. I think I'm a little nervous just to see. See and understand how much time does it actually take and yeah, you know, we also hear about postpartum depression and anxiety and it's like, huh, what is that going to be like? Is that going to be my experience? So I think it's more so the unknown that I might be nervous for. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. I feel like I would agree with that. Amazing. Such a good episode. We will get through it. A hundred percent. Um, where can everyone find you on social? Yes. Yes. So I live on Instagram. You can find me. My handle is at Katia dot Lillian. Um, my website is also www. katialillian. com. Pretty much Katia Lillian across the board, but the easiest way to follow me, DM me, whatever is on Instagram. I just live there. So yeah. Awesome. And do you want to spend like a minute just sharing a little bit about the big shift? Cause I think you're going to be launching it the month after this. This episode releases. Yes. So in January, end of January, I will be launching my three month group coaching program. It's known as the big shift. It is all about personal development, that introduction to it, a lot of girls, it's their first investment. It's their first time being in a group program. People quit their jobs, people leave relationships, people work on their body image, people work on money mindset, like you name it. And so if you are like a version of me, when I just wanted more post Tony Robbins and you just feel like you don't want to settle. And yeah, you just have dreams and a big vision for your life. The big shift is for you. It's a safe space. It's a judgment free zone. You show up, you learn, you feel supported, you feel less alone, less crazy, and you get to experience what's possible because other people are doing big things and you get to witness it and feel inspired by them. So it's a good place to be. You should join us. Yes, definitely. You'll have to send us the link for it, like the landing page and stuff like that. And we'll put everything, um, in the show notes and then obviously you'll be tagged in on Instagram and all that when the time comes. So watch along on our delivery and labor week as this podcast airs. Um, thank you so much for coming on Katia. This was so fun. We went in so many different directions and I know that people are really going to benefit. So appreciate you. Yeah. And thanks everyone for listening in and we will see you soon. Bye.