The #1 Reason Why Your Dream Life Hasn’t Manifested (yet!)

In this episode, I discuss the following: 

• Why your fear of failure & rejection is keeping you stuck
• The biggest lie we tell ourselves
• Why it's easier to be in motion
• How to finally build the life you want

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Book Recommendation

• Atomic Habits by James Clear

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Transcript

0:00

Hello and welcome to this week's episode. Of the building, her podcast. I'm your host Katia, Lillian. If you've been loving this podcast, go ahead and rate the podcast. Five stars. There's and DM me on Instagram when you do that, because I want to connect and personally. Personally. Thank you. If you are new here, hit that subscribe button. It really helps the podcast grow. And that way you will never miss an episode. Hey, my name is Katya Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and channel. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. All right. I am. Looking forward to this conversation today because you guys know I'm upset. Obsessed with James clear. Do you guys know that? If you're. Not familiar with who James clear is. He is the author of atomic habits. He's a human behavioral psychologist. I have followed him for years. Now I originally read his book. Gosh, maybe. Five years ago, if not longer. I remember I was in Chicago. And the way he communicates the way he. Breaks. Everything down just makes so much sense. I think I've heard the same feedback from everyone where they're like, I fucking love him. And so I wanted to devote today. Day to talk a little bit about this concept. Motion over action. And he talks about it. He has an entire chapter. After in his book about it. Again, if you're not familiar, I can link. His book below. I think it's a great resource for you, especially because we're still here. In the new year. Second month in February. But. You know, it's still new and you have to be honest with yourself. Itself of how are you doing on your goals on these. New habits and patterns you wanted to form. I don't like new year resolute. Resolutions, but if you had new year resolutions, how are we doing on that? Right. So just kind of like check in with yourself a little bit. And if you feel like you are not progressing, like you thought you would. Or you feel overwhelmed or it's just not an enjoyable experience. Once then I would highly recommend ordering atomic habits to. To read through how he does it and the science behind. It. And he really simplifies it all so highly recommend. But the reason why I wanted to devote this episode to this concert. Concept motion over taking action. Is because. Last round of Sheehy. Oh, so we ended. Did. Last fall. I think it was last September. And one of the girls, you know, is on our last call. And she was like, we were discussing any takeaways and. Anything that can you do better? And you know, what do you want? To apply to your life in the future, you know, kind of like a reflection. And one of the lady said that she realized. She has been doing like motion. For a. A long time versus taking action. And I was so. Incredibly proud of her because not a lot of people can be honest like that with themselves. Nor with others and, you know, share that vulnerably. But. She realized like, whoa, I've been stuck in this motion pattern versus. Actually taking action and moving the needle forward in my business. And life so. I feel like more of you probably. We can resonate. With that. So I'll describe. A little bit more of what motion is versus taking action. What are the differences? And then hopefully leave you with action steps and a game plan. Plan moving forward so that you can start taking action. All right, so to break it down. People. I think being in motion is action. Right? Because. You feel busy? And they honestly sounds similar. But they are not. And there's this diagram I found where. Think of motion is like the circle, right? Like. Arrows moving in a circle. And then think of taking. Taking action, where there are still arrows, but they are moving in a singular. Linear line forward. So. That. Documentation like that picture. Is really helpful just to visualize what is happening when. When you take motion, you're just constantly in this like planning phase. Phase or, you know, strategizing or. Or planning goals or learning a lot. A lot of learning happens in motion and those. Those are all good things. Don't get me wrong. We have to plan. We have to strategize. We have to learn. But you also have to know. They don't produce a result. Action. On the other hand is the type of behavior that does. Does produce a result that does deliver an outcome. So. So to break it down and to give you some specific. examples. Let's say. You want to, to write a blog? And you. Outline like 20 different ideas for. For these blogs, not 20 blogs, but just. Ideas. That is motion because. What are you doing? You're planning. Right. You're planning. These 20 ideas for one article that you. You want to write? But you never actually write. The article, you never write the blog. So. If you actually write one blog. And publish it. Now that's called action. Do. You see the difference? Or. If you let's say you reach out. To people like here in the coaching world, you know, outreach. So let's say you email 10 leads or you DM. DM 10 leads on Instagram and you're having these. Conversations. Believe it or not. That is motion. Because remember you haven't gotten a result yet. You're you're just going through the motions, which is a. Part of your job. But if they actually buy. By something and you actually convert them into a customer. Now that's action. Another. For example. Let's say you one of. Your resolutions or one of your goals here for this year, 2025. Was to. Really have like a. Better nutrition plan, like really focused on your health. And focus on the food that you're consuming. So you devote. Time to search for better Nutrish. Trishan and grocery stores that you can go to and you. Research the difference between organic and regular. Produce, and then you read a few books and. A few articles and watch some YouTube videos. That's. It's motion. But if you. Actually sit down. Actually, no, let's back up. If. You actually are in the kitchen, making this healthier. Meal and you sit down. And you consume this healthy. The meal now. That's action. What about. Let's stick to the health. Health topic. You. I don't know, want to just. Just build strength. But you don't really know what you're doing in a gym. You don't. No, do I go lightweight? Do I go heavyweight? Right? Like we don't know. So you want to get like a personal trainer? So you go into a gym and you have conversations. And maybe they give you an orientation and you're asking questions about. At a personal trainer and you're asking about the cost and you're asking about the membership. And. Right. That's motion. But if you. Actually just. Do like a squat. That's now action. Right? You're doing the. The thing. A lot of these is again, the. Planning the preparing the learning. The researching that is all motion. Okay. Now. Now, hopefully you have clarity around what motion. is. I think what we do need. Need to do is understand why. A lot of us are stuck in motion. So like if we know motion doesn't. Lead to results. Then the question is like, well, why do we. We do it. Why are we stuck in motion? Which by the way is a lot. Of us. Sometimes we do need. Need a motion because we do actually need to plan or learn more. Depending on the stage of your life or your career. But. More often than not, we actually do it because motion. Allows us to feel. Like we are making Prague. Progress. Without running the risk. The risk of failure. Let me say that again. The reason. Y. We love being stuck. Fuck in motion. Is because it allows us to feel. Feel like we're making progress without. Running the risk of failure. So most of us. We are true experts at avoiding criticism. Awesome. Obviously it doesn't feel good too. Fail. Or to be judged publicly to get people. Will to. You know, see your failure or recognize. As your failure. It's a very uncomfortable feeling. So we tend. To avoid. Situations where that might happen. And that is the biggest reason why you slip into motion. rather than taking action. You have a fear. Fear of failure and you want to delay it. At. So more examples. Let's start with the health one. I want to get in shape. I want to build strength. I want to. Make 2025 my year. Bye. But your fear is like, well, I don't know what I'm doing. Doing in a gym and I don't have cute workout clothes and I don't want to look stupid. So I'm just going to stay. Talking. To the trainer and different gyms to understand the rates. All right. Coaches or business. Owners listening. Yeah. You want more clients for your business? This. Right. We all want clients. We all want business. We all want money. But the fear. If I actually pitch my services, if I'm on. A consultation call and I actually tell them, Hey, here's my probe. Program. Here's my offer. Here are the rates, right? You're asking for the sale, you might get rejected. You might get turned down. They might say no. And. We don't want that. We don't want to get rejected. That's not a comfortable feeling. So instead, I'm just going to stay busy. And I'm just going to keep like sending emails and DMS. To clients or prospects. That might never. Actually turn into a client. Okay. So it's easy to be in motion. And then we convince ourselves that, oh yeah, I'm working on it. Yeah. I'm still making progress. Right. Like, I've got. I've got three conversations going right now with proper. Prospects. So this is great. I'm doing the work. And we're moving in the right direction. Or I, yeah, I. I have my top through gyms that I want to join and I'm just waiting on. On the rates and then I'll, I'll decide. So motion makes you feel like. You are getting things done, but again, you're just preparing. To get something done. And while prepare. Repairing and planning and strategizing and learning is important. At times. We don't want to live. Live in motion because we also want to take action. So you need to. Be honest with yourself. Where am I wasting my time? The honest am I actually taking action? Or am I just living in motion? If. If I stay in preparing. And planning for too long. Long. Well, now that's a form of procrastination. You need something to change? You need to just take the action. And there is no fear of failure. I actually hesitated when I said. The word failure, because I don't even like to use the word failure. Because I don't believe failure is an actual thing. I really don't. My reframe on failure. Well, one, I don't use the word so. So when it comes up, Or when people talk about it, my. I reframe. Is that actually failure is not possible. Because you either win or you learn. That's it. You win or you learn. Learn. And in the learning process. It's like, well, I learned what didn't work. So I'll keep trying. And I'll keep taking action. And honestly, the only way I fail. Is if I quit. That's my definition. One of failing. If the word is used. Well, it's a. If I quit. That's the only way I feel. So I just want to offer that reframe for you because again, I don't like the word. So I wanted to help you here with a few. Ideas to actually take action. So if you're reflecting on this episode, Right now and things are coming up to the surface and you're like, shit. I think I'm actually. Actually stuck in emotion and I feel like I'm stuck. In the planning and the preparing and the learning and the strategizing phase. Phase that I'm talking to you because we do have some options. Options to help you. To actually take action. One was. The reframe with failing. Also the rejection piece. It's like who the fuck cares? So someone says, no, they're. They're actually not rejecting you. They're rejecting themselves. Let that sink in for a moment. As a coach. Or as a business owner, you obviously believe in what you're selling. Otherwise, you wouldn't have your business. It'd be way too hard to sell something that. You don't actually believe in. Right. And if you don't, it's like, well, let's. Pick something else then. But as a life and mindset. And set coach and now business mentor. I'm offering you. You a chance to change your life, to work on your mindset. Get to become the strongest boldest, most confident version of yourself. And have that reflect in your business so you can make. Some money. Like, I'm doing you a service. I'm doing you. A favor. And so when you reject the program, Program the offer my rates, whatever. It actually has nothing. Nothing to do with me. And it has everything to do with you. You. You don't feel like you can do it. You are putting money somewhere. Where else and not here into your own. Mindset and business. You're rejecting yourself. It has nothing to do with me. Me, I'm simply offering you a chance and opportunity to change your life. And move the needle forward towards your dreams, towards your goals, towards your vision. And if you say no. What do I have to do with that? That's on you. So that's another good reframe for you. If you do feel like you're getting rejected. Okay. So to dive into some ideas for taking. Taking action. Number one. And if you are a one-on-one. One client of mine or have taken any of my group programs. You. You know, I love time-blocking. Yes, shocker. Docker, I time block my calendar. Under. Religiously sometimes it's Friday. The afternoon, sometimes it's a Sunday evening, but I always do it. It for the week ahead. At the very least I do. Do Monday mornings. I always just want to see, okay. What is my week? Ahead. What is it looking like? What are my priorities? What are my non-negotiables? Doubles. And so forth. I put in my calendar and it does not move. Of course, there are a few like reschedules or whatever. But for. For the most part, I do try to stick to what is on my calendar. The reason for this. Is you're setting a schedule for. Your actions, I'm not setting a schedule for busy work. I'm setting a schedule for what I can actually take action on. So, for example, I'm sitting here right now, recording a podcast. Do you think I just woke up and I was like, Hey, maybe I should record. An episode today. No. It was on. On my calendar. Right. I was like, oh, record. Podcast, not about researching how to launch a podcast. How to record a podcast. I'm sitting here. Actually recording a podcast because it was. On my calendar. Okay. Bonus recommendation. Is to have specific days. Days for the action that you take. So for example, recording a podcast happens. Every Tuesday for me. Tuesdays. My podcast days. Mondays Fridays. I don't. Have any client calls? So Mondays. That's admin work. Getting things maybe closed up from the week prior and getting ahead. A head start on stuff for the week ahead. So. So those are my admin days. Fridays are my close days. Let's close up. Shop. Usually it's a half day nowadays. And then my coaching calls fall on Wednesday. Day's and Thursdays. So every day has. Some thing. That I devote to already. And it's something that you guys need to try, right? Maybe you're like, I could. Never take an admin day on Monday. Okay. Cool. What, like when do you have the most energy? What do you want to do on Mondays? I do that. I'm just giving you simply an example. You don't need to follow. I know this to a T, but my point is I time block. Same with my workouts. I love my mornings. Like I can't. Ever imagine a morning where I. Don't get to put me first. Because I've been doing it this way. For so long. So I don't wake up and I'm like, Hmm. I should probably work out today. Second question. Hmm. What type of workout should I do today? Third question. Hm, what should I wear to this workout today? Like that's a lot. The decisions that I have to make before 7:00 AM. Right. Right. So I want to go to bed with an outfit picked. Picked out it's neatly. Folded on my bench. Bench by the foot of my bed. So when I wake up half asleep, I'm like, oh, there's my outfit. Great. Put it on. Then I also know on my schedule. I mean, I don't need to check my schedule. I kind. Kind of know it by heart now, especially with my workouts. But then. I'm like, oh, today's Pilates. Awesome. So I go outside, I have my yoga. Yoga, may I have my yoga towel? I have my chair. I have my ball of bangles. I know which video on YouTube. I will. We'll actually do the Pilates to. 30 minutes. Shout out Alicia Pope. I love her Pilates. And then it's done and I have a blocked. Now. With this season, it's like six 30. To seven 30 cause I do about 30, 35 minutes. What's of the Pilates. It's a shorter class. Which I love. And then I'll devote like 10, 15 minutes to a meditation. visualization. If I feel stiff. Okay. Some stretching. But I always give myself like 30 additional minutes for. That kind of stuff after the actual workout. But it's blocked on. On my calendar. And it's usually the first thing I do when I wake up because. I feel amazing. I love my outdoor workouts. I don't have to drive anywhere. It's so easy. But it's. On my calendar. And then every other day I've been doing yoga. And then as I get stronger and more fit after having a baby. I'm probably going to go back to hit workouts with Rachel. Ms. Rachel goodies. Let's shout out, Rachel. Okay. Are you guys getting it? I'm actually doing the workout, which is. Actually taking action. So what really helps. With that is putting it on your calendar and thinking through. What type of workout. What am I wearing to this workout? Because it depends. If you're doing Pilates or yoga or hit, what type of workout clothes are more? Comfortable for that. Right. What time? And then you're doing it. You're doing the thing. Thing that you were afraid of. Now more in a work. Sense, because, like I mentioned at the top of this podcast, There is. Is planning and preparing and strategizing and learning. That is necessary at times. So for example, This podcast when I launched it last April. I didn't know how to start a podcast. So yeah, of course I. I bought like this one time video. I think it was like, 200 bucks. And I learned how. How to launch a podcast. And then I had to learn. What like software I needed. To use. And then I had to do some practice ones to get to F I to get familiar. Familiar with like the editing process. I started on garage band. Cause that's. It's for free. And then I upgraded to descript, which helps me with. With editing, it cuts down. The editing time and half, but, but all of. That was motion. But now a lot. People stay stuck in that. And they never actually launched the podcast. That's. What I'm seeing here. So the motion is necessary, but. It's leading up to the action, which is actually launching. The podcast. So something to help you is to just. Set a date, right? Like, you know what I'm going to launch. This thing. What is it now February, I'm going to launch this thing. June 1st. You just. Set the date June 1st. And to keep you accountable to this. This also. Share it. Like if you're on social media, Or family or friends be loud about it and be like, you know, What June 1st, check it out. New podcasts coming. Because then. When that buzz. And people knowing about it keeps you also. Accountable now. Right. And so then you just reverse. Verse engineer. Eric. Okay. We're learning. We're planning. We're preparing for that June 1st date. That's. That's really, really powerful to keep you accountable to actually make it happen. And actually take the action. So setting a deadline really, really helps. So. Just to summarize. Again, Motion will never produce a result. Cult only action will. And underneath action is a lot. Lot of fear. Two big ones. Fear of failing. And fear of rejection, but remember, failing does not. Exist. Failing is only if you quit. Sit. Right because you can either win or learn those. Those are the only options. And then the rejection. They're actually not rejecting you like a personal thing. It's them rejecting themselves. So you have to remember that. There is a time. I'm for motion. When you're planning and strategizing and learning. But remember it's leading up to the action. Don't miss. The action piece, the actual doing piece. So reflect on this episode, hopefully something came up. Up for you. Remember, never to internalize it. Never make. It about you like, oh, I suck and I'm not good at this. And I just. You know, give up and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's not what we're doing here. We're being nice to ourselves. We're giving ourselves grace and compassion. all we're doing is we're raising the awareness. Where am I stuck right now? What changes do I need? I need to make and then make the changes. That's what I got for you this week. If anything about this episode resonated with you, please do me a favor. And take a screenshot of this podcast posted on your stories and. Tag me at Katia dot. Lillian. I would love to. Connect with you. I would love to see what came up for you and just see. Yeah. What was your takeaway from this episode? So thank you in advance and I appreciate you.