How to Alchemize Imposter Syndrome & Embody True Confidence

Similar to last week, rather than hearing me interview someone, I am actually getting interviewed. I was interviewed by my friend Becca Nicholls, another amazing coach in the space.  

On her podcast, There She Glows, Becca and I discuss how we define confidence, the misconceptions around confidence, whether or not fake it till you make it works, the #1 trait all entrepreneurs need to have in order to be successful, imposter syndrome and so much more.

I really hope you guys love this episode - if you do, I would love for you to take a screenshot, post it on your stories & tag me (@katja.lillian) so that I can see it!

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Transcript

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What's. You guys welcome back to the building, her podcast. Let's get into this. This week's episode, because I know you'll really enjoy this conversation. It's similar to last week, rather than hearing me interview someone. I am actually. Actually getting interviewed. I was interviewed by my friend, Becca nickel. She's. She's another amazing coach in the space on her podcast. There she glows Beckin I discuss how we define confidence. The misconceptions around confidence. Whether or not fake. It till you make it works. The number one trait, all entrepreneurs need. To have in order to be successful and so much more. I really hope you guys love this podcast. If you do. I would love for you. To take a screenshot posted on your stories and tag me at Katia. Kia dot Lillian. Hey, my name is Katya Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and channel. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. Welcome to there. She glows. I feel like this is long overdue. I feel like this is surprising that it's taken us this long to be on each other's podcasts and have you on. So how are you doing today? I am so good. I completely agree. I mean, we met last fall, so now we're here, but better late than never. I'm so excited to be on your podcast. I'm so very excited as well. I feel like we've both identified that we saw a connection between the two of us, obviously through zoom and texting when we were in top tier. And then when we met, we just really, really bonded and connected. I feel like we have a lot of the same values. We're both tall Queens. And there were just a lot of things that we really connected on. And I find that to be really interesting because we have a lot of the same values and a lot of the same qualities, but as we've talked about before, they present really, really differently. And so one of the things that I want to talk about first is confidence, because we've both reflected to each other that we both view each other as very, very confident women. And in some ways, people might look at us and think that we're really similar, but in other ways. They might think that we're really different. So I think it would be really interesting to hear how you personally define confidence and maybe how that definition has also evolved over time. And how did you build yourself up to be the confident woman that stands before me today? Ah, such a good question. First of all, yes. What immediately drew me to you when I met you in person was your height. I was like my tall queen, my tall sister. Yes. Because for those that are listening and don't know, I am six foot and I have a whole body image story. And you know, that was the start of my personal development journey. And so just seeing another tall queen, but also just confident and radiant and just exudes that energy. I was like, yes, finally I found my sister. Um, so to answer the question with confidence, the first thing that came up for me was internal validation. There's so many ways to define confidence, but for me, that is probably the strongest definition, just based off of my experience and my journey. The reason why I say that is because early on, I looked to everyone else and outside of myself to feel good and try to be confident. And I just needed the compliments. I needed the external validation. I needed words of affirmation. Excessively, and when I discovered internal validation, there was a lot that I needed to work through on a personal level, and I just didn't know what it was until I went through it. I was like, Oh, right. I can define what type of life I want, and I don't really need to look to anyone else. Whether it's my parents, my, my older sibling, my friends at the time, co workers at the time, bosses at the time. And I realized that no one has it figured out and I can't really go to them for advice, especially if they don't have what I want. And so I had to learn this art of self validation first. And now what that has translated into is. Really just not giving a fuck what anyone thinks or says about me or my behavior or my decisions or my lifestyle. I really could care less because I'm the one that has to go to bed at night and rest my head on my pillow and be okay with my choices and my energy and no one has Anything to say about that, right? So long winded answer, but that's what first came up for me. I love that. You said that you're the one that has to go to bed at night and just ultimately be at peace with the way that you're feeling. Right. And the experience of life is so interesting because sometimes I feel like we do forget that we are the ones. That have to feel what it feels like to be ourselves and live our life. But we put those feelings and those outcomes in the hands of other people who ultimately are not going to be feeling the things that we're feeling. So if you're going to bed every single night and you're deeply unsatisfied and you're unhappy and you don't feel like you're connected to your true self and your true desires, But you have the approval and the love of other people. I feel like you're doubly unhappy because number one, you're not who or where you want to be. And number two, your love with those people are pretty conditional on you doing what they want you to do. And so then you have these inauthentic relationships in your life that are actually only a result of you being Conforming or a people pleaser, and that's not really fulfilling at all. So I know a lot of women identify with being people pleasers and they externally validate what's A tip that you would give to these women. Were there any actual conversations that you had when you were shifting from internally or externally validating to internally validating, were there any things that you did to really start to shift your attention from outward to inwards? Because I know so many women struggle with this. Yeah, such a good question. And I just want to fill everyone in a little bit on my journey to understand also where my answer comes from. But yeah, I was the ultimate people pleaser. I again looked for external validation and my life and results. Um, showed that, right? So I went to college. I didn't know what I wanted to study, but I just chose a major because that's what everyone did. I chose communication studies and I liked it. I didn't love it, but again, I didn't know what I love. So I just kind of went for it. And my parents were very proud of me because Katya has some college education. Yay. And then I still didn't really know what I wanted to do once I graduated, but at the time I had an internship with a social media agency. And so they hired me on full time after I graduated. I was like, okay. And so I started with them for six months. I hated it because I, at the time I lived in LA and I had a commute from my apartment to their office. It was 90 minutes, Becca there. And 90 minutes back, that's three hours round trip in the car, bumper to bumper traffic in LA for six months. I was like, this is not the dream. Is this what I worked so hard for? Right? Like this is not it. And so I got fired from that first job. And I, I think that's what was the catalyst for me because my whole journey up until that point, I just did everything for essentially my parents, but then also what my friends were doing and everyone around me and I just wanted to fit in. And when I got fired, like there was really no one to talk to. Save me essentially or, or rescue me or, or tell me like, this is a part of the journey. It's okay. Like, I just felt like I was a failure and I was lied to. My whole life, because I went by the book, I went to high school, I got the good grades. I went to college. I got the degree. I got the job. And then I got fired. And so that was a huge turning point for me. I think my distrust grew a little bit with the people that I had put so much trust into, right? I was like, Oh, maybe they don't have all the answers, right? Maybe I really am in this. Alone, but I, but I looked at that from a very empowering place. Right. And so to answer your question in terms of like the changes I started to make, the first thing that came to mind was distance. So I just started to distance myself from people that didn't make me feel good. That didn't have the answers that didn't have the life that I was looking for, even though I didn't know specifically what that was at the time, but there was a certain energy about them that I didn't like, or there was certain habits that I Some patterns that I didn't care for or relationships they were in that I didn't care for. So I was like, something about this is not for me. So I distanced myself and what that distance allowed me to have is more space, more room to connect with other like minded people. And I just started doing more things that I genuinely loved, regardless of what I thought. People would think about that, right? I just started to follow my energy, my feeling, my intuition a little bit more. Yeah, a part of that distance to just to add on that can actually be created through intentional conversation when I have been in seasons where I've really been working on a specific issue or trying to shift into internally validating. There have been conversations with other people that I've actually had where I've been like, Hey, I'm actively trying to have good things or bad things happen to me and be able to hold space for myself. Here's what this looks like. So in the future. If something happens and I instantaneously come to you to vent or offload, like remind me of this situation, it's okay to let people in on what you're doing so that they can help you. If you ever have a slip up or a weak moment, something else that I have brought into my friendships and relationships is when I go to people, I make it really clear off the hop. That I am looking for support, or I'm looking for advice. And if I'm looking for support, I will say I am looking for support and not advice or your opinion. And that kind of creates this distance of projections and judgment, whatever else may come your way, not coming your way because you've created that boundary. And so hopefully you'll have someone that will respect that boundary. And so then you don't have this external pressure or judgment that's coming your way. So that's also an option. When it comes to confidence, I think that confidence is very misunderstood. You obviously work with yourself and work with your clients building confidence. So what would you say are some of the biggest misconceptions or fears that people have around confident and being confident? Oh, there's so many. Where do I start? At least for me, when I first started, because I also thought confident was. Taken as a bad thing. It had a negative connotation to it. And so the way I saw it was conceited, cocky, full of yourself. You don't care about anybody else, just kind of in it for yourself and very self centered. And now what I realize that the reframe and the shift and my experience, and there's a quote that's coming up for me and I'll paraphrase it, but it's not that. I want everyone to like me and accept me. It's more of like, I'm okay if you don't like me and accept me. And so it's this idea of really just staying true to yourself and knowing your flaws, but, but also your wins, your highlights, your Um, so things that you can be proud of basically, and not shying away from that, not playing small and, um, kind of like a take it or leave it approach, right? Like, like this is me. And I've had so much healing to do over the years, especially with just physically how I, what I look like again, my height. And now to just like walk into a room and just like own it and embrace it. And this is who I am. I don't know what other people are thinking. They could look at me and I could be having the best day of my life and I could be the sweetest to them. And they could be like, who's this tall bitch. Like I have no idea. And so you're kind of like in this bubble, but. That that's what it has to be because I'm only in control of myself. I think the other thing I've learned with confidence is that if I stand in my power, if I stand in my light, I am giving permission to other women for them to do the same thing. And that's really where that power comes in with me being confident and Um, in that way, because if I'm not confident, how does that give permission to other women to, to even try to be confident? Right? So it's much more of an empowering and uplifting approach, but it starts with you. It's really interesting too, because when we compare men and women, now this is not entirely irrelevant for men, but I will say that I very rarely hear men being scolded for taking up space and being super confident and being like loud in their opinions and having leadership qualities. But then When it's a woman, if we're exhibiting those leadership qualities were bossy and if we're sharing our opinions were bitchy and if we're displaying confidence were self absorbed and conceded. It's just very interesting that it seems to be a lot more. Appropriate for men to exhibit these qualities. And then as soon as we do, it's a negative thing. And then you just have to wonder why, right? I really question a lot of the way that the world operates and the way that the world is set up and who that actually benefits. And when I start to get into those mindsets of like, Ooh, maybe I should be smaller. Maybe I shouldn't say that, or maybe I'm going to be seen as conceited or self absorbed. If I show up in this way, I'm like, is this thought actually mine? Like whose thought is this? Who does it actually benefit if I play small and water myself down? And I think that's also a really great question to ask yourself in those moments, just as a perspective or an expansion is Like what a man be asking himself these questions, right? And again, I love men, but it's just a really interesting perspective shift of like, if you're thinking, Oh, should I be sharing this? Should I be showing up in this way? Maybe asking yourself, like, would a man be asking himself these same questions or would he be celebrated for showing up in this way and allowing yourself to do the same? Becca, I have so much to say on this, but I'll try to keep it short. As you were talking, I reflected back to my tech company. I was there for just under a decade, all of my twenties, basically. There were parts I loved, parts I didn't, but it was dominated by men, just the tech space in general. And I remember there were a few females Um, in our workforce that were stereotypical in terms of like powerful because they were loud and they could like, keep up with the boys and like their talk and language and, you know, making fun and making jabs and things like that. And I was so opposite of that. I was. Soft spoken. I was quiet. I was shy. And so because of that example, essentially that I saw in the corporate world, I was like, I could never be powerful. I could never ride or climb the corporate ladder or be, you know, in the C suite because my, Personality doesn't match. It doesn't fit right that that label. And then I went to a wellness conference years later, and I will never forget it. This woman. I believe her name is Jamie Schmidt. She's the founder of Schmidt. Natural deodorant, billionaire, if not multi millionaire, super successful. And the way she spoke on stage, Becca, I was just mind blown. The softest voice, maybe YouTube her or whatever, but her voice was like, okay, so today we're going to talk about like, so soft spoken. And it was the exact opposite of what I had always seen in corporate America. And it was just like, The most liberating feeling because I was like, Oh, my gosh, I get to be this powerful, strong, successful woman in my own way, right? I don't need to change myself, um, to, to fit the mold, but to your point also with, uh, men and women, this is last thing I'll say. I'm sure we'll. Get into other stuff like motherhood, but as I am becoming a mom, that whole conversation of like, men are seen higher, more superior than women. Or again, that's how some women perceive it. I'm just like bullshit because I am growing a baby right now. And I'm just, I feel so strong. I feel So powerful. Like I'm literally creating life right now. And so I see life already after having a baby. And I'm like, I I'm just not going to be the same woman because it's like the ultimate up level. So we could keep talking about that, but I digress. I feel like there's nothing quite like growing a fucking human inside of you to remind you how powerful and strong you are. So I love this so much for you. Yeah. That's really interesting that you said that. And for me, the experience of understanding what it means to be the fullest expression of myself and be a confident and powerful woman was kind of opposite because I have quite a bold personality and I used to look at people and think that in order to connect with my highest self, I had to be more like them, more soft spoken, stop swearing, stop cracking jokes, stop being as sexual as you are. just stop with all of that. Right. And lean more into like the light and love and good morning and the yoga centric like way of life. And so the more I tried to get close to that, the more I strayed away from who I actually am. And the more conscious I've become, the more self aware and emotionally intelligent I've become, like none, none of that has stopped. Right. It's amplified because it's who I am. But it's these different expressions of what it means to you to be powerful, to be conscious, to be confident. I feel like I've heard you before talk about like quiet confidence. Do you feel like quiet confidence would describe the type of confidence that you have? And I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Like if quiet confidence is one end of the spectrum, what do you feel like is on the other side of the spectrum? Yeah. Yeah. I absolutely talk about quiet confidence all the time. And I think it goes back down to my personality because I grew up with also a mom who was very shy, very soft spoken, didn't like attention on her. And I saw that. And so that absolutely has shaped my personality a little bit, although I've unlearned a lot and changed a lot. That's fine. Still with me. And I always viewed that as a negative thing, but now it's again, that full expression, but embracing who I am because like, I have that nervous giggle or I'm quirky or I'm awkward. And it's kind of like, so what, like, that's me and I love it. And there's no shame in that. And so I don't need to fit this stereotype of what it means to be a confident woman. It's just like, I know I'm confident, right? It's again, that internal validation and I'm okay with who I am and how that is portrayed. And no one else needs to really know, right? It's just up to me because it impacts the choices that I make and therefore results. And so that's that quiet confidence of just knowing who I am and what I want in life and take those steps of action accordingly and essentially let my results speak for themselves to answer your second question about. The opposite of quiet confidence, I mean, I guess I go immediately to loud confidence. It's like an act of confidence, right? If it's not a quiet confidence, it's more of like, I'm going to show you that I'm confident. And so essentially means like, I have to prove something. It's like a proving energy. Exactly. So I would try to steer clear of that. I mean, but again, that's different from an expression. So I don't want to say like, if you're loud and I just, I don't know a full embodiment of what that confidence means to you. I mean, yeah, go for it. But I just mean, if it feels a little fake, if it feels like an act, that's where I think it could get a little, it's a slippery slope. Yeah, absolutely. I feel like most things, confidence exists on a spectrum. And I am a confident person at my core, but I would say the way that I show up on my podcast on My Instagram in coaching containers were like, I'm the boss. I'm the facilitator. It's my podcast. Like let's fucking go is going to be different than like the way that I'm walking around in the grocery store. And also like the way that I'm walking around in the gym and the way that I act when I'm alone. Like, I'm always confident, but it just shows up in very different ways, depending on the situation that I'm in and what that situation is asking of me. And so I think that if people only see one side of you, they might associate you with a specific style of confidence when an actuality like confidence really does exist on a spectrum. When we're online as like social presences, people don't get to see what we're really like in different settings and the different ways that that confidence takes shape. So you had mentioned like faking it. So I'd really love to hear your perspective on this. And then I'll share mine as well. When we're talking about confidence, a lot of people say fake it until you make it. Do you believe in that? No, I, well, there's two ways to define it too, because this actually came up in my group coaching program. It was a question from one of my clients. And she was like, I don't like this idea of fake it till you make it because it's like inauthentic to me. And I feel like I'm lying to myself and that kind of thing. The way I. Separate it because there's part of it that I do like, and part of it that I don't, the fake, it is almost like the emotions that I feel behind the action. So, for example, let's say I was incredibly nervous to come on to your podcast here today, right? I could sit in that and I could cancel and I could listen to my fear and be like, Oh, I'm so sorry. Something came up. Or I, I sit with those emotions and I'm like, you can do this Katya, like, like just show up, feel the fear, do it anyways. You got this. And so that part right there is, is the, the fake piece, because it's like, I don't fully feel comfortable and confident and ready to go to come onto this podcast. So there's a little bit of that fake feeling. But then you have it or you do it once and then it's like, oh, I've made it. Like now the next podcast will be that much easier. I think a lot of people define fake it till you make it of like lying and. I don't know this really negative way to reach success and that's not what we're talking about, right? Fake it is more of like the emotions that you feel working through them and feeling that fear and then just going for it anyways. And then again, that's that make it part. I love that you said no. That's why I started to laugh because I'm obviously the same as I'm sure you could have guessed. I don't necessarily believe in faking it until you make it. I would more say understand it until you make it. Like when you actually understand confidence and you understand the things that are holding you back from being confident, then you're able to take opposing action to Get closer to confidence and you're able to gain understanding and self awareness. That's going to help you reach confidence. But at the end of the day, being confident is an energy and energy doesn't lie. And if I see a woman. In a gym, or I see her out and about, or if you're like in the bedroom and you're not confident, you are not fooling anyone like you can definitely tell when people are uncomfortable and they're not confident. And so. I just don't think that faking it until you make it is truly effective because when you're actually like deeply uncomfortable, sometimes your facial expressions or the things that you do or your body language is involuntary and it just shines through. And there's nothing wrong with that because we've all had periods of our life where we don't feel confident and it shows, but. You're not faking anything, right? So we just have to own the seasons of our life when we are feeling insecure and we're distant from that confidence. And we just have to move through like that journey of becoming confident. And I feel like looking back at the times in my life, when I wasn't confident, it provides me with so much contrast. Like I really believe in Contrast and experiencing experiences and relationships and clients and whatever it may be that are negative in quotation marks, but in actuality, they bring you such great clarity and contrast because you're able to like, see those things. Understand what the other side of the spectrum is and understand what you don't want, which I feel like helps you appreciate what you do want even more. So I love that. I love that you asked, or that I asked that question and that that was your response. It's just a lot of fun to just hear both of our perspectives on a topic that we're so, so passionate about. One thing to add as you were talking, Imposter syndrome. That's what came up for me as well, because the fake it part, you do feel like an imposter. And I always view it as a negative thing. And so many of my clients are like, Oh, I feel like an imposter. Right? So, so that's that fake it part. But then. What I, um, learned it was a reframe from my coach. She was like, but it shows that you are getting out of your comfort zone and it shows that you're growing to another level. And so of course, it's going to feel weird and uncomfortable because you've never been to that level before. So. So view it as a positive because it's like, Oh, I'm entering new territory. This is a new level embrace it. Right. And then once you do that again, sorting through the emotions, that's that make it piece. So you might feel like an imposter. You might feel like, Ooh, do I deserve to be here? Do I know all this stuff? What am I talking about? But then you just go and do it anyways and embrace that imposter feeling because it shows growth. So I just wanted to add that last bit. Yeah, and I feel like that's a perfect segue because one of the biggest ways, if not the biggest way that imposter syndrome showed up for me is when I was building my business, of course, and so. You have built your business and your brand up so successfully. You have a multi six figure business and I think we could both agree that it takes a specific style of person to build a business. It is not for everyone. Entrepreneurship. That is one thing I know for sure. So who do you feel like you had to become or What mindset shifts or habits did you need to create that you feel like you credit a lot of your growth to? Because when you used to just be doing the same old song and dance, you obviously weren't building. A multi six figure business during that period of your life. So things had to change and you had to be really intentional and you had to evolve as a human. So what did that look like for you? Yeah. Great question. I have a lot to say. I had to work through a lot. Let's just say that. So, as I mentioned before, I was just really by the book through high school, through college. Now I see why just with my upbringing, who my parents were, their belief systems. So I just essentially took the safe traditional route and it wasn't until I was fired where I started to question everything. Right. And then fast forward to getting another job. I was lucky that my CEO was into personal development. I still didn't know anything about it. I was just like, Hey, I got a job and money's coming in. Awesome. But he took us, he paid for the entire sales and account management. So. staff. There was probably like 10, 15 of us to go to the Tony Robbins experience. At that time, I did not know who Tony Robbins was. I was like, who is this dude? Like, I have to give up a weekend for this shit. No, thank you. And I went in blind and within the first 10 minutes of just being in his energy, and there were 10, 000 people at the seminar, it was just, Electric. I was hooked. I was like, there is something about this that I want a piece of, didn't know what it was, but I just wanted to be there. It was four days. And it's interesting because when we first went, I mentioned there were 10 or 15 of us from the same company. I noticed that their energy was low. They were negative. Some people were complaining. They're like, Oh, why are we here? And also Tony starts asking you to do uncomfortable things like, you know, tell a stranger your three biggest fears or start massaging the person next to you, whatever it is. And they didn't like that. And so I had to stop. Separate myself from the pack, if you will, and just have this solo experience. I just sat somewhere else with strangers and that really changed my life because there was so much that came up for me that I didn't realize in terms of insecurities, fears, um, a lot of stuff I needed to heal, especially with my, uh, body image. I never meditated or visualized or journaled as much as I did in that four day span. So it's just like this new world unlocked for me, and I just never looked back that there was something that was so powerful about that experience. I really felt like I was a changed woman when I left that experience. I was not the same version of Katya, and so it was life changing. And I always have that experience and I always talk about it because I'm like, if I had that type of experience and I changed my entire life, then I absolutely know someone else. Can go through an experience like that and change their life as well. And that just really set the tone for the next decade. I read books. I listened to podcasts. I moved from LA to Chicago, not knowing anyone. And I forced myself to meet people. I started talking more, which was crazy because I was shy and introverted. And I just did more shit to. Learn things and try things. And we mentioned it before I had that lens of curiosity. So it was a lot of fun for me. I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't know where it was going. I didn't know what it was leading to. I didn't even consider myself a coach yet, but I just had fun along the way. Discovering and building this version of Katya. I was getting to know this new version. It was really, really cool. That's so beautiful. It sounds like there's almost this sense of fearlessness that you had. And obviously you did have fears that would come up, but it seems like there were, yeah, a lot of pieces of your journey where you were like, I don't know where this is going to lead me. And there's a lot of unknown here. But you still went ahead and did it anyways. And I do believe that that's a big quality that you need to have as an entrepreneur. There's a lot of risks. There's a lot of big risks that's associated with being an entrepreneur. And I do believe that it does take a lot of confidence to make those bold moves, even when, and most of the time, when The outcome isn't actually guaranteed. And so you are someone that has a lot of blind faith. I know that because I know you. And I also know that because you're an entrepreneur. And so I think a lot of people, they cannot move without that guarantee. And they're not friends or comfortable with blind faith. So how did you get comfortable with having blind faith and just trusting that it was going to work out for you, even when you had absolutely no evidence yet? Cause I do feel like that's a life skill. Yeah, I, I think we mentioned it before, to where I always felt like I was taking the safe, traditional route my, my entire, you know, high school and college years until I got fired. And so now all of a sudden the safe route, I'm using air quotes over here. Wasn't so safe anymore. And so when you say it is risky to start a business and there is a lot of risk being an entrepreneur, I'm like, yeah, but there's a lot of risk also just staying at a dead end job, right? I could get fired tomorrow and they replace me. I'm a number. And there's also a long term risk because if I'm doing something that I hate so much, and I just have to force myself to go to work. All day, every day and have these, you know, surface level conversations that I just don't care about. I'm like, I truly I'm slowly dying inside. Right. And my health can be impacted. I actually had a lot of stress and digestive health issues during my time at my tech company. So I think there's going to be always risk. It's just what risk do you want to choose? And when I compared the two, I was like, okay. Entrepreneur, like let's go that route because I want to find out what I am capable of again. It was that curiosity. And to your point, this, this fearless energy, I think something that also helped, and this is what I learned with visualization. Um, visualize your life, you know, five years from now, 10 years from now, where is it all going? Where are you? What, what direction are you heading? And at that time at my tech company, it was like, well, what's the top of the top it's sea level. So then it's like, okay, now I'm considered an executive. And then what, now I'm just surrounded by all these. Primarily men at the time who also don't really feel like they love their lives and their energy is not the greatest. And I'm like, I don't want to be surrounded by that, but that's where I'm heading. And so when I looked at the alternative of, you know, this vibrant lifestyle in Chicago and trying different fitness classes and going on Instagram because I started with wellness and fitness and, you know, just. That was so much more appealing and shiny to me. And so I went with my feeling. I went with my intuition versus what makes most logical sense. I love that answer. And I just love that invitation to explore like what risk actually means to you and seeing that risk. Exists everywhere. And to me, one of the biggest risks is not living up to my full potential and getting to the end of my life and realizing that I lived like a deeply unsatisfying, unfulfilling life because I didn't listen to my, my heart and my intuition. So I love that Out of curiosity, if you had to give like one quality That you feel like every successful entrepreneur has what's like the first thing that comes to you. And maybe because you work with like early and aspiring entrepreneurs, maybe this is a quality that you're like, okay, I meet a client or I see these girls in my group programs. And if they have this quality, I can pretty much tell that they're going to be successful. The first thing that came up for me four letter word grit. That's it. There's this book. I actually read by Angela Duckworth and she studies successful people. And she said, what they all have in common is grit, which if people don't know, that's this perseverance and this resilience. You, you just literally don't quit. You don't stop. Now, in my career, it's so fun and so exciting to say, yes, I've built a multi six figure coaching business and I have group programs and I have one on one clients and I have a podcast. It's so great. But I did not start here. This has been in the making for quite some time. And. I just didn't stop, right? There were growing pains. There were hard days. There were exciting days. There were people that rejected me. There were so many consultation calls. There was Instagram posts that flopped over and over again. I mean, you name it. I feel like I've run into a lot, but I just didn't stop. And I think that's the best advice I can give someone listening to this. If they're early in their career, or maybe. They are building and they are starting, but they feel like it's really hard and it should come easier to them. It's like, just keep going, like, just trust that it is all leading to this bigger dream, this bigger vision that you have. I love that our answers are so aligned because my response would be emotional intelligence for so many reasons. But one of the main components of emotional intelligence Emotional intelligence is the resiliency and I feel like resiliency and grit are synonymous and Especially when you're an entrepreneur, especially in the beginning stages of your business, like things are gonna come up and you really have no other choice than to persevere on because when you are 17 employees, but you're just one person, right? Like you're the social media, you're the coach, you're the bookkeeper, you're the tax specialist, you're the this, you're the that, and you're having a bad day and you quit, or you don't. Fulfill your expectations or demands, like everything starts to downward spiral. And so you have to be able to continually show up for yourself and your company, regardless of what's going on externally. And that takes a lot of emotional intelligence. And it also takes the ability to have like, Healthy levels of compartmentalizing and disassociating and also resilience and grit. So I completely agree. So last year we were in top tier together and there was a group call that we had and you were so open and vulnerable with all of us that you were starting to think about your timeline for motherhood, but you were Scared. Like you were very scared about like, what does that mean? Like, how could I be a mom and an entrepreneur all at the same time? And there were just so many things that were coming up for you. And it was really beautiful to witness you in that moment. And then also have you sitting in front of me now, and we are a month away from your due date and you are hella pregnant. So. Walk me through, like what you had to come to terms with and how you made yourself feel like comfortable and ready to be an entrepreneur and also shift into a season of your life called motherhood. Yeah. Thank you so much for asking. I do remember that call last fall. Um, it was a huge hurdle for me. And I can get into upbringing and what I saw with other moms and, and their choices. But the, the biggest thing and the simplest way I can put it is I had this limiting belief where I had to choose either my business. Or become a mom. And that word or, right, was really, really heavy for me. And I was like, I cannot make a decision. And my business is my firstborn. So there's no way I'm giving that up. And when I could reframe and change that one word or to, and I was like, Oh, this feels better. This feels much more empowering. I get to have the business and a successful thriving business on my terms and be a mom. And as soon as I made that reframe, Everything was just unlocked for me in terms of, or my brain clicked into solution mode, I should say. And when it went into solution mode, I looked at my business a little differently because admittedly at that time, I was still much, very much into the hustle and the go and do whatever I need to do to make this happen. And while I appreciate that version of my business and that version of me building that business, I knew it wasn't going to be for the long term. I couldn't sustain that type of business. I needed more automation. I needed to hire my first VA. I needed to look at systemizing my business to get some of that time back so that I could make room to also be a mom and then also give myself permission to ask for help, of course. Right. It's not all on my shoulders. So yeah, that, that's the simplest way to put it. When I, when I made that reframe and I finally gave myself that permission to do both, that's really where, um, I was able to think about pregnancy and becoming a mom in a very real way. Yeah. That shift from or to and is so expansive. And I feel like That can be placed in sentences that have nothing to do with motherhood. Like there are so many things that I feel like people feel like they have to choose this or this, but you get to have it all. Like I really believe that. So a lot of my community and listeners there. Early aspiring, established entrepreneurs. And I could assume that they also have aspirations of being a mom. So really break it down for us from your experience. Like how the fuck does that work? Like explain to me. The past couple of months, like the way that you've been prepping and planning ahead to set your business up for success so that you can have a maternity leave and have time with your family, because you obviously have a podcast just like me. You have weekly episodes, you have emails, you have group programs. So for someone who's like, okay, love that reframe, but like, how will that actually work? What have you been doing to set yourself up for success? Yeah, great question. So I found out I was pregnant early March. I came back from my honeymoon in Japan. And the day we land or the day after we landed, I took a pregnancy test. I was like, okay, here we go. And I feel like my mind clicked into planning mode. But in a very healthy way, I don't want to say it was like stressful and you know, hustle. It was much more of like, okay, how do I make this work? How do I make this happen? And I'm very lucky to say that I have two other entrepreneurial moms in my world that I really leaned onto them and I asked them questions at the beginning. I was like, so I'm pregnant. Uh, time is ticking. How do you do this? And they are just such good role models and examples for me. And I really just leaned onto their advice. And then, you know, of course I started listening to, you know, maybe podcasts or just had more conversations around this. I'm also very grateful that another coach here in St. Petersburg is also pregnant, got pregnant around the same time. She's due two days after me is also a coach. I was like, this is such a blessing because now we get to figure it out together. We talk every day and we text and we're like, what are you doing about this? And what are you doing about that? So that's been really, really helpful. I've been really leaning on my community, um, specifically and strategically speaking, it's all about planning and preparing. So right now I have to plan ahead for Q1 of 2025, which at first was overwhelming and kind of scary because I've never been that prepared before, but it's also made me really Um, excited that I'm able to build out to my own maternity leave by preparing everything. So what that looks like is preparing my podcast episodes every single one every Friday, um, preparing the email newsletters, preparing, Pinterest pins preparing content that aligns with what's going on in my podcast episodes. Uh, what am I selling? What am I launching? I have black Friday deals. January. I have a launch for my group program, the big shift March. I have my business mastermind launching. So I just have to think ahead and then reverse engineer. Now it does take time, but I started this, you know, two months ago, three months ago. And so it's just. Putting everything together, um, staying organized, chipping away at it. And I really love it. I feel like it's set a new standard in my business too. I can already feel the up level because now I always want to be a quarter prepared in advance. So it's been working out for me. I feel like organization would be a huge pillar in creating a truly successful maternity leave for you. And I just think it's really good for people to have like those tangible examples of what it actually looks like to build out your own maternity leave. So obviously, I mean, even from when we were together last year to right now, like things have changed so much and you're, Entering a whole new era of your life and such a special one. So I'm curious as we wrap up, like, what is your definition of success now and moving into motherhood? Like, how has that evolved? When you look at your personal life and your professional life and the way that those blend together, What does a truly successful life look like to you right now? I love this so much because I feel like a lot of coaches get into business just for the money and for the business. The business is the North star, but life and that vision is the North star and how does business fit into that? So that's been the biggest reframe for me because in the beginning, of course, I wanted the business and the money and all the things while I can still have that. Life is the North star and freedom of time is the first thing that came up for me and then choosing when I want to work and what do I want to create versus a pressure of feeling like I have to, that's the biggest difference. And I also needed. Going along the same lines of freedom of time, there was a part of me earlier this year where I was already craving more white space in my calendar. And so that value freedom of time really aligned well with what I was already craving. And so I started reducing calls. I took one on one clients from weekly calls to bi weekly. I Took my group program from, uh, weekly calls also to bi weekly understanding that it would also serve them more because it gives them more time in between. And so those little changes that I've made have really now set me up for success to get that time back. I think with maternity leave, I've, I'm giving myself three months. But I also don't know how I will feel. I don't know if I want to get back to work two weeks later. Like I really don't know. But again, I don't want to feel pressured to do that. I want to feel like I want to go back to work. So freedom of time is my answer. I feel like the word freedom, when you tack that onto any word, that's what a lot of people are really looking for, right? Like time freedom, financial freedom. Location freedom has been really big for me this year. Like being able to work from Greece and Bali internal freedom, like freedom is definitely a core value for me in my life and in my business. So I'm not surprised to hear you say that. And I feel like that's just a really important question to ask yourself. I feel like when we're working towards things, We're working towards success, but if you don't know what your definition of success is, then you're not able to take aligned action towards those things and move accordingly. So I'm just so happy for you. So proud of you. I can't wait to see you in this new era. Like it's beautiful that we met when we did, and I've gotten to know so many different versions of you already, and I'm just really excited. To see you be a mom and be a successful entrepreneur and be everything else that you already are, because I feel like that's just going to give me and everyone else more permission that you can do it all. So I just love you so much. And thank you for coming on the podcast. Where can everyone find you and hang out with you and follow along on your journey? First of all, thank you for saying all of that. I love you too. Um, I am mainly on Instagram, so you guys can follow me at Katya dot Lillian. I hang out there the most. If you have any questions or maybe you're thinking about motherhood, feel free to DM me. I love that type of communication. And, um, Yeah, everything else is kind of like an added bonus, but Instagram would be the best place. And we will link that down below. If you know a friend who is wanting to enter into her motherhood era, but she is in that or not and mindset, maybe send her this episode as a little source of inspiration. But I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Thank you for coming back week after week, and I will chat with you in the next episode. Bye.