Birthday Episode: 34 Lessons Learned

Today's my birthday!! 🥳 

In this episode, I share 34 lessons learned in honor of my 34th birthday. I decided to categorize the lessons so that it's easier to follow along. 

The first 10 are what I've learned about my body and how I've healed my body image insecurties since that is where my personal development journey began.

The second 10 are what I've learned in growing a multi 6 figure business!

The third 10 are what I've learned as a new mom and focused on raising my baby. 

The last 4 are the biggest life lessons that has made huge change in my life and I wouldn't be where I'm at today if it weren't for them.  

The Big Shift

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Transcript

0:00

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Building Her podcast. I'm your host, Kati Lillian. If you've been loving this podcast, go ahead and rate the podcast five stars and DM me on Instagram when you do that, because I want to connect and personally thank you. If you are new here, hit that subscribe button. It really helps the podcast grow, and that way you'll never miss an episode. So let's dive in. Hey, my name is Kati Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. I feel like I am a little rusty at this whole podcasting thing because it's been four months, you guys, four months since I have recorded a podcast. last year, if you're not familiar with my story, I was pregnant and I was preparing for maternity leave, and so I. Prerecorded my podcast Four months worth. That's 16 episodes so that I didn't have to do it December, January, February and March, and here we are. It's April 4th. It's actually my birthday. I am turning 34 years old today, so I. I'm here, I'm here live, and I'm recording in real time. I'm so excited for this airy season and this new energy that this new month brings. I always joke because my birthday's on April 4th, so it's very early on in the month, so I actually get to celebrate all month. That's just something I've decided to do. So April is always like a, a treat yourself kind of month and reflection and. Goals and intention setting and all the above. So anyways, I am so excited that it's my birthday today. Later, I'm gonna get my nails done. Burt said he's gonna treat me to brunch. Brunch is my favorite. I wanna take baby girl to the beach tomorrow. Just so many things. So I'm very, very excited. Stay tuned on Instagram because I'm gonna be blowing the stories up. But for today. I thought it would be cool to talk through 34 things that I have learned. So 34 lessons learned, and I decided to divvy it up in a fun way because 34 things, I mean, that's a lot of stuff. So the first 10 is under the category body. Second 10 is under the category business. Third category is under. Baby. And then the last four things are just general life lessons, and so I'm really excited to divvy it up in the 34 ways because. Body is how I started in my personal development journey and accept my body business is the second step and why I'm here today, baby. Most recently, I just had baby girl on December 5th, 2024. So I'm learning a lot in terms of motherhood and then life lessons. So body, business, baby life. Let's dive into it. Number one, internal validation is more powerful than external validation. And you might have heard of this one before, but how many of you actually do it? How many of you actually apply it? When I say internal validation, that means you compliment yourself. You look at yourself in the mirror and you say, damn, she fine. You ask yourself, are you happy with your outfit? Do you like your outfit? You're not blowing up a group chat and asking for everyone's opinions, like, Hey, what's everyone wearing to the birthday dinner? Hey, what's everyone wearing to the beach? What is everyone wearing? Hey, do you guys like this? Hey, these are my outfit choices. Like, no, no more of that. We internally validate ourselves so that we don't need to find that external validation, and that was really, really important for myself, especially with my body image. I was like, do I like my body? Do I like my height? Do I like my curves? Do I like everything that makes up me, Katya, regardless of what everyone else may think or say. Number two, the shift inside shifts the outside. I believe this so strongly down in my core. I have an entire program devoted to this concept. If you haven't heard, it's called the Big Shift, my three month group coaching program, linked to join the wait list for my sixth round later this year in the show notes below, but body image. Was huge for me, and again, I was looking always for external validation. Post my tennis career, I felt so lost and confused. I gained the freshman 15, but it was in junior year college because that's when I stopped and quit tennis. I tried all the diets, I tried all the workout plans and just nothing. Worked because my mindset was rooted in self-hate versus self-love. Now, to dissect this a little bit for you, self-hate is coming from a place of wanting to change yourself, to conform and to fit in. You're trying to fix yourself and. Fix your body. And when I say fix, I'm using air quotes over here because you see your body is not good enough or that there's something wrong with it, that you need to change or fix. And you count calories and you feel like you have a very restrictive diet and lifestyle and you commit to a very limiting diet that left, that leaves you starving. And for myself, I was very lightheaded. I couldn't even think straight, right? So self-hate is. I don't like my body. I need to change X, Y, Z about it. Now, once I shifted my mindset and did that inner work, I am now truly able to appreciate my body and take care of my body. From a place of self-love, so I had to love my body for what it does for me. So take aesthetics, take looks out of it. I had to focus on what my body actually can do for me, just the little thing of keeping me alive. I had to repair my relationship and feel gratitude for her. I had to start moving my body and nurturing my body for energy, for vitality, for longevity, so that I could thrive, so that I could build a business so that I could side hustle like you need energy for that shit. The focus was so different coming from a place so much stronger of self-love, and I was just so grateful for everything that my body has been through, especially all the shit that I have fed it and all the alcohol I've drank over the years. And she's still kicking. She's still here. So I really had to repair that relationship and and shift that. Mindset over. And once I was able to do that, the consistency grew. So it was no more of like, do I feel like it? And ugh, I really don't wanna do this. And oh my gosh, I stepped on the scale and I only lost half a pound. Like. None of that bullshit anymore. Now it was, oh my God, I get to move my body. I cannot wait for my morning Pilates on my yoga mat outside in my beautiful backyard, next to my pool, in the fresh air in the sunshine, listening to the bird's chirp like heaven. I. Thank you so much. I will be there. And I felt good because I was doing Pilates, I was doing yoga, I was doing hiit, all types of exercise that I genuinely loved and enjoyed, versus kick kicking my ass in a gym for two hours, which I don't like. I don't like the gym, so why would I go and do that? And once I was able to move from a place of self-love and actually enjoy the movement that I was putting my body through, then I was consistent. And therefore my changes actually showed up on the outside. Number three, my body is not the problem. The system is the problem. This is also a huge mindset shift for me because I realized at a certain point in my personal development journey that I'm actually not the problem as a female with a six foot frame and with curves. Like there's nothing wrong with that. Are you kidding me? It's the system that. Puts this plants this seed in your brain, this constant narrative of how women should look like or what size we do need to have or maintain in order to be loved and accepted what we need to nip and tuck and change, like all of that is garbage. I needed to reconnect with the powerful woman that I am and truly. Embody what it means to, to be confident and to be secure in, in my own skin, regardless of what the system says I, I should look like, or I should be like. Number four, my body is not a trend, period. We're just gonna leave that there. My body is not a trend period. Okay. Number five, remove. I remove toxic people from my life who constantly talked about their own body image in a negative way, or made me feel uncomfortable about mine. So passive aggressive remarks, making height jokes, anything like that that could really add to my. Negative body image. I just started to remove them. And when I say remove them, sometimes it's not so easy because they could be your closest friends, or sometimes it's family members and you can't just get rid of them. But you can definitely create distance at an arm's length. And I had to do that for my own sanity, for my own. Positivity for my own mindset, and I still do it to this day, the, the minute I feel some type of negative energy. Now, again, everyone's human. I'm, I'm negative sometimes as well. Hello. But what I'm saying is if it's like their belief, if it's like in their core, like this is their thought process, this is their opinion, like this is not just a bad day or a bad mood, like this is them, that's then when I start to separate myself. And remove those toxic people from my life because I already have to do so much work on my own mindset to stay positive. I don't need added negativity. Number six, I changed what I consumed. So think about the music that you listen to, the movies that you watch, that influencers that you follow on social media. Whatever you're watching and whatever you're allowing in your system, that actually does also impact and affect your mindset. So we always talk about like healthy food and diet and, and movement, which is all great, but it's like, what about what you're consuming in terms of your mindset? Like, when's the last time you read a personal development book? When's the last time you watched a documentary? When's the last time you unfollowed someone that made you feel ick? So anyone or anything in life that continues to push a negative, unrealistic body type, or men talking about women in a very sexual way or condescending way, or anything that makes me feel, again, it's always about the feeling that I have. My intuition drives this, and if it's negative, then it's like I don't have time for it. I have so much other shit going on in my life. I do not have time for that negativity and for something to be fear driven and, and put that into my mindset, so you have to change what you consume. I did that a long time ago and I haven't looked back since. Number seven, my body is my bestie. I love this one because it's true. If you look at your body as a separate entity, as a separate being, you have so much more love and compassion for her. Because now I look at my body as like a separate woman and I'm like, I'm just so happy and so grateful for what she does for me. And when you. Can talk about your body as a separate person, and you talk about her like she is there for you and she is still kicking for you. Despite all the garbage that you have given her and all the mean things that you've said to her. It actually helps you so much with. Being kind to her and being respectful to her because now it's a separate being. It's not yourself. So that separation on a psychological level is so, so powerful. And so if I can really treat my body as my best friend, I would never tell my best friend half the shit that I say to myself. Right. Or if you have a daughter or a younger sister, I would never. Say to them you're so fat, you're so ugly. Why are you doing this? Why do you look like that? You need to change. Like never, right? We always say compliments and give each other love to people outside of ourselves. So if I could do that with my body, then maybe I can actually repair that language between us. Number eight. If you wouldn't say it to your younger self, why say it now? So this kind of goes back to the one I just said. My body is my bestie. On a deeper level though, in terms of inner child work, so. I actually have this picture next to my desk and oh my gosh, I think I was like 10 or something. I was in Saudi Arabia and I am sitting on our kitchen counter and I have pigtails and I think I'm helping my mom bake something because I have this big, large like mixing bowl, and it's just like such a sweet, innocent. Uh, picture and anytime I feel bad about myself or I start to get really mean about, uh, to myself, or I am critical, like self-doubt, I'm not good enough. Why do you think you can do this? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I look at her and. I'm like, I would never, ever, ever, ever in a million years say that to the younger version of Katya. I would never say that to that girl sitting on the countertop with pigtails, who is so innocent and so pure and just has this energy for life. I, I would never, ever, ever, ever say those things to her. So that's always such a empowering question that I always ask myself. If I wouldn't say it to her, why would I say it now? Number nine. We are more than our meat suit, an emphasis on the phrase meat suit. The reason why is because we view our body as an object, a trend, uh, a meat suit that women aspire to have and men to want. But the issue with that is we feel so detached from our physical magical being. The soul, the energy, the life force that our body gives us. And we're so consumed and bogged down with this patriarchy and this narrative of, again, the aesthetics first, what women should look like, and I'm so over it. We are so much more than that. We are these, oh my God. Especially now as a mom. I know I'm jumping ahead a little bit, but as a mom, what our bodies can do and create what, like that is the power. That is what we need to be focusing on. That is where we get to reconnect with our power. Number 10, final one in this category, everything so-called wrong in air quotes about your body has been learned. We do not come out of the womb hating our body. I. As women, it's learned via family, via generations before us and their comments, media, mass, and social, you name it. It has been learned. And somewhere along the way you have picked up these little learnings and it seeps into your subconscious, and now it's you. And now it's your thought process, and now it's this voice in your head. But you have to understand, again, as a child or now looking at my daughter who's four months old, she's not looking at her legs like, oh my God, I have rolls. She's not looking at her belly like, oh my God. It pokes out a little bit. It's not flat. She doesn't look at her arms like, oh my God, they're so flabby. I need to tone them. Like what? Yeah, she's four months old. She's a baby. I totally get it, but at the same time, it just validates my point of as she grows up and she sees certain things and hears certain things, she learns how women should look like and, and I just simply will not have it. She can learn something, but I'm going to teach her. Otherwise, and we were going to do lots of unlearning and lots of rewiring as she grows up because we need to remember who we are and how powerful we are. So hopefully that message, that last one is super empowering for you because if it's learned. Well then we also get to unlearn and relearn something that is much more empowering and uplifting for us. Okay. Now diving into business, number one, money is a tool. That is it. I've had to do so much money, mindset work over the years to build the business that I have and, and hold here today, a multi six figure business. Very, very proud of that. But along the way, I've had to unlearn what money means and relearn what I can actually do with it, and the power that it has. Originally I thought money was hard to get. I thought people with money were greedy. There were so many limiting stories that I put on money as if it was like this person, like I judged money. And when you peel back the layers and you do this work, you realize that money is just a tool. There is no emotion behind money. It's truly just a means to, one, get what you want, two, to help move the needle forward and build the type of world and life that you want to see for others. So. The more money I make as a coach, the more money my business has and the more money my business has, the more I get to do with that money to move the needle forward. Meaning I get to host retreats maybe at a discounted rate. I get to donate to charities that I believe in and that are doing really, really good work in our world. I get to help my family out and. Invest maybe in their businesses that they wanna start up or help them renovate houses and help them build equity so that their financial growth can also build over the years. I could help my mom and my dad once they get a little bit older with hospital bills should they need it. Like I get to do more shit because I have more money. I think the focus so much is about, oh no, what about what I turn into and do I trust myself with money and oh no. What if I become greedy and what if I spend it all? It's me, me, me, me, me. But if you take again, that out of you, take yourself out of it, money is just a tool to run a business to. Leave a positive impact on others, clients, family, friends, whoever's in your community, in your network, and then on a larger scale, move the needle forward so that other women can thrive too. That is what we are doing here. That is the mission. That's all that money does. If you wanna do something, money allows you to go do it. That's it. It's just a tool. Number two, being realistic is your biggest limitation. Success needs a little delusion. I know there's, everyone always says, you know, be D Lulu and it's like this funny social media thing, but like it's so real. Success needs you to be d Lulu. You have to act and walk like it already happened. You have to believe that the business you want and are craving is already yours. You have to. Act like the life that you live is already the life that you want it to be, so that the energy and the frequency you have actually can make it happen because now you will attract the opportunities, the people, the money. That can create that life for you, but you have to be proactive. You have to be one step ahead. So you being realistic is the biggest limitation because also, what does even realistic mean? There is no such thing as being realistic. Do you forget the, the big universe that we live in and all the unknowns and all the unanswered questions that we as a human species have. There's not one person on planet Earth that knows what's going to happen tomorrow. No one can predict the future, and because of that, we are all the same. We are all human beings. And so this idea of being realistic, you have to understand that everything that we have has been created. It's been created outta thin air, you guys. It's all a creation. The house, this computer, this microphone, this iPhone, literally staring at my daughter on the monitor, like it's all been created. And so this realistic idea is super lemonade because it puts yourself in a box. It puts you in this mental prison of what you can do and what you can't do. There is no such thing. The world, the universe is limitless. You have to have to understand that. Number three, you go 50 50 with the universe you are co-creating. When you are building a business, it's not all on your shoulders. It's only 50% on your shoulders. The other 50% is the universe. So it's not a hundred percent reliant on you doing stuff. Yes, that's half of it. Of course, you have to take inspired action. You have to put yourself out there. You have to feel the fear and do it anyways. You have to post on social media. You have to start and launch the podcast. You have to record the episodes, you have to have conversations. You have to ask for the cell. You have to do shit. But the other 50%. Is being open to opportunity, being open to having someone DM you that they wanna work with you, you have to be open to the magic for the universe because once you decide that you want a better life, once you decide that you are going to make it in business, once you decide that you want to become a coach, and that's it. The universe will start moving things for you to have it. The people you need to make that happen will start to appear. The healing you need will start to happen. The doors you need open will start to unlock once you truly decide, miracles will happen. Quick, few little stories here. When I started my business, I didn't know what I was doing, as most of us don't. So I hired my first life coach because I was going through an identity crisis. I was working for my tech company full-time. I was side hustling through Instagram with brand deals and influencer type work, which I love so much. But I wanted to add a different stream of income. So I hired my first life coach to, to sort through this identity crisis, but also just learn how she set up her business and her structure, and what does she even charge and what does that look like. Once I finished her program, I had the confidence and just the roadmap of, oh, okay, I can package something up that feels good to me and sell that in a similar way that she did, right? I, I allowed her. Course to inspire me, so I sold a program of six weeks for$600 and I actually sold it to 10 different women and I made$6,000. That was 2020. My first year coaching and after I made the$6,000, I was like, this is great, but this is like cute money. This is fun money. This is not life changing. Replace tech salary, quit my job money. And so I literally asked the universe, it was through journaling. It was on my mind. It was a thought. It was, I meditated on it. I was like, how do I make enough money to replace my income and go all in on this? That was the question, and when I asked that question, the universe moved things around and started doing things to be there 50% and work for me. Here's how my mom of all people, she's not a coach, she's not an entrepreneur. She just started listening to Rob Dial's podcast, the Mindset mentor. She went on her own personal development journey. She lost over 55 pounds. It's an incredible story, but she. Found his podcast, listened to an episode and thought of me and sent it over. Now, I have never heard of Rob Dial at this point. I never heard of the Mindset mentor. I was like, what is this? She sent it over. I gave it a shot. It was 20 minutes long. Loved everything he said. Everything resonated with me. Wasn't even a business podcast. It was just personal development. At the end of the podcast episode, he has a CTA. Where you take a screenshot of his podcast, you post on your stories and you tag him so that he can see it. Now, I had already been screenshotting podcast episodes and tagging people before I heard this, with just other podcasts that I genuinely loved and wanted to share with my community. So when he said that, I didn't think twice, I was like, oh my God. Yes. So I did it and. What that started was then a DM conversation. At the time, I thought it was the Rob, so I was like, oh my God, Rob's DMing me. This is so cool. And it was a conversation about how much money are you making, how much money do you wanna make? You know, really thoughtful questions. And they invited me to a call with someone else, a sales guy, but. It felt so right, because it was the answer to my question. They were like, of course we can help you make six figures, which is a salary that would've replaced my tech salary. And I was like, oh my God. Like this is literally the answer to the question that I just asked. And so it was like a full body fuck. Yes, and I invested that day. I joined his program for three months, and then I joined like a level two because I had success in that first program and I extended it for another four months, and then I joined a level three called Elite at the time because I had success and I even met them in person. We flew, I flew to Austin, Texas to do this like two day retreat. It was so amazing, such a successful journey for me. And at the end of that trip, I was able to quit. I was able to put in my two weeks notice, and so what are the chances that my mom sends me this episode and just how everything led one thing to another. And then I was sitting there with a six figure salary from coaching. Like that was not all on me. That was 50% from the universe because it started to move things and things started to appear, and the people that I needed started to appear to make that shit happen. Number four, keep it private until it's done. Let the results speak for themselves. I'm just gonna leave that one there. That's self-explanatory. Number five, if you're worried about the cost of going for it, you should see the price you pay for staying exactly where you are. I don't know how many consultation calls I've had by now, but the number one objection that I receive still to this day is always about the investment. It's always about the price tag, and I get it because I was on your side as well. The first investment that I've ever made in my life coach was$900, and that$900 could, it felt like$90,000. It was so massive to me at that time. And I remember the feeling of fear come up to the surface like, oh no, what if she's a scam? Oh no. What if she's selling something that doesn't actually meet my needs? Oh, no. What if this is a loss? Oh no. What are my parents going to think? Oh, no. What if this is a wrong decision? See, Katia, you're so stupid. And oh my gosh, all of that bubbles up to the surface. It's wild, but. You have to understand that there's always risk involved with any decision you make, whether you say yes or no. So if I say yes. Then that is the cost of going for it. It's$900. And yeah, there is a risk because I don't know the coach, I don't know the program. Sure. I know like of her and social media and podcast episodes and I feel like I know her and all that stuff, but at the end of the day, there's still risk because I, there's no guarantee of the result on the other end. So there's always a risk. But there's also a risk on the other side because if I say no to the$900 investment, I would not be here today. So had I said no, then what else am I actually not doing to not move the needle forward? And I actually stay exactly where I am in my unhappiness, probably still at my tech job. Hating my job, hating what I do, feeling miserable. Complaining, gossiping, like, I would not change as a human, and so if I'm not growing, I'm actually dying. That's what Tony Robbins says, and I believe that to my core. So yeah, you can be worried about the cost for going for it. Like, yeah, there's a price tag, but again, it's like, well, what are you paying down the road? What, what, what does that cost? What is that price for staying exactly where you are? So investing and, and paying the thousands of dollars to a group program, to one-on-one coaching, whatever it is, is the actual catalyst for change is the, the thing that will start moving the needle forward is the thing that will make you grow. So it's not about having the money first and then investing. It's like, no, you gotta invest that shit now so that you can learn how to actually make money. Embrace the lonely chapter. So there is a period in your journey where you are so different because you started to do things that no longer fit in with the old set of friends, but they're not sufficiently developed yet. So. You haven't gained your new set of friends yet with the new changes that you've made, and all of your old friends start to see the changes that you're making. And so they start to poke fun and might say, you know, oh, you're not going out again. Oh, you're gonna stay in and read like a loser. Oh, you're not drinking again, huh? Right. So, so those passive aggressive or just flat out aggressive remarks. You, you start to distance yourself. You start to notice the gap between you and your friends because they are where you are. They're not where you want to be. They're not where you want to go, but you haven't met those new people yet that are like-minded and that also are on the same path as you and are also supportive of you. So there's this gap, and it's a lonely chapter. I also like to refer to it as. A bridge. So think of your old world think Then physically there's this bridge and it's like this really janky bridge that has like loose wooden planks and there's only rope on the sides, and it's only wide enough for one person to go across at a time. Like that is the bridge. Like nobody wants to go across it, but you have to in order to get to the other side, which is your new world. And that bridge is very scary, is very lonely, but it's a necessity. It's a requirement to get to that new world because along that bridge, you start to build these character traits. You get to build strength, you get to build confidence, you get to build self-trust. You get to build self-belief as you go across that bridge to the other side. And I believe that so, so deeply because I've been there and also every other coach that I've met or other, let's just say entrepreneurs in general, they all talk about this lonely chapter. They've all had to walk across this bridge. Gratitude and fear cannot dominate the mind. At the same time, every moment you consciously choose to exist in the frequency of gratitude, you are creating your abundant future because you actually then do the things you need to do and take inspired action. And it feels good to take that action because it's rooted in gratitude, not fear. Think of something that you're afraid of right now. So example. Oh, I'm so afraid of what they're going to think of me. Cool. Let's shift it then to a place of gratitude. How can we feel gratitude for the people in our life right now? How can we feel gratitude for just the life we have, for the body we have for the house we have, or the apartment we have, the home that we have, the safety we have, the protection that we have, the water that we have. Think about the gratitude that we have and move in that frequency, you're much more likely to take the action because fear is not as present. Fear will always be there, but you have to learn to dance with that fear and gratitude does that. Next you win or learn, there is no such thing as failure. That's it. Either you try something and you win at it or you quote unquote lose. But in that losing, you also learn a lot. So there is no failing because you learn next, there is no failing because the only way you fail is if you quit. If you guys just don't ever stop and you just keep going and you just keep learning, then you'll eventually, you're going to meet your goals, so you actually can't fail. Because remember, if you lose something, you're only learning. And when you're learning, you're still growing, you're still taking action. And so really the only way you fail is actually if you quit. Last one, fear of others' opinions is actually just perceived they're not real and they're just an opinion. Fear of other opinions is actually just perceived and they're just an opinion. I think this is probably the number one fear that I hear besides the failure one is, oh no, what are my parents going to think? Oh no, what are my friends going to think? Oh no, what are my followers going to think? Whatever it is. But it's always just perceived. You don't actually know unless they tell you and And how many times do people not tell you, right? Like that just never even comes up. And so you just have to do what you want to do out of love and, and simply for the joy of it, just because you love it. And then just trust that others' opinions just don't matter and trust that those opinions are actually very uplifting. What if they are supportive and what if they are in awe of what you are doing and they think that it's actually very courageous and brave of you for doing what you wanna do? Those are opinions, but those are helpful opinions. Those are empowering opinions, so you have to realize opinions are just, they're just opinions. And again, they're perceived, so they actually, it's none of your business. You have no idea what people are thinking of you. Okay. The third section, baby a K, motherhood. Your children will rarely succeed at listening to you, but they will always succeed in becoming you. Basically what this means is become the you that you wish they would be. I think so often we tell them to do certain things, tell them to act a certain way, but if they're not seeing it and witnessing it in you, then they're going to grow resentful and dislike because you're being a hypocrite. So you have to walk. The talk so that they do the same. It's all about energy and frequency and you setting the example and being the role model. Now, that's easier said than being done. So what that requires is for you to also do the inner work and do the personal development because to cure the child, you have to heal the parent. If you are not healed. As a parent then in your energy, in your frequency, that will be much more powerful than anything you could ever say to them. Moms are an underserved community. If you're a mom right now listening to this, I have so much love and respect for you. It makes me actually very emotional just thinking about all of the moms in my life, like other strong powerhouse women that have had kids, and I just haven't been there for them and I haven't checked in on them, and I haven't been the best of friend to them. It truly hurts my heart because now that I'm a mom, The shit that you have to go through with pregnancy and then delivery and then postpartum, and then for the rest of your life, taking care of this little human and keeping them alive and protected and loved. It's just a whole nother level. And I don't think, I mean, I give myself grace because I di I didn't know what I don't know, but just to all the moms out there, if you're in my circle and we know each other on a personal level, just know that I love you so much and you're doing a damn good job. And you are so powerful, and you are so strong, and you can just move mountains. That's all I'll say there, but I love you so much and just keep kicking ass, it's not about motherhood or business. It's about motherhood and business. This was the biggest limiting belief that I had to not want kids because I thought I'd have to give up my business and become a stay at home mom. And that's because I saw my mom do that basically when I grew up. And so that was a huge fear of mine. Deep, deep, deep in my subconscious. And I had to reframe, I had to swap out one word. Or and switch it to and, and when I did that, the flood gates opened in my mind to possibility, to opportunity to, okay, we can do this. Because my business was my first born, still is. And now that I have Amalia, like my business isn't going anywhere, I actually just want my business to even do better for her, and I get to do both. I'm sitting here with a four month old newborn and. I am pouring into my business and I love it. I love what I do. I, it's not like I have to do it or I should do it. It's like I get to do it. So huge, huge, huge reframe for me. The current corporate structure is not designed for women to flourish. The current corporate structure is not designed for women to flourish this whole six week. Maternity leave or three month maternity leave is a joke. Unpaid maternity leave is a joke. Going back to your old gig, your old position with the same people as a new version of yourself is a joke. It's just, it's not okay. The nine to five, going to an office is a joke. You have a human now that is dependent on you if you're breastfeeding. Is attached to your boob all day, every day. How the fuck are you supposed to go back to work and love what you do? Like, no, that's not okay. There need to be some significant changes in the corporate structure for women specifically so that we can also raise children and raise the future'cause that's what we are doing. That is not a job. That is a mission, that is a duty, that is a responsibility, and we cannot put corporate in front of our kids. The priority is different. The priority has shifted. Kids are number one. Then comes corporate. So corporate needs to meet us now where we are. Next. Being present is my favorite thing to be. Once I had Amalia, I realized that I was still living heavily in my masculine energy. I wouldn't say hyper masculine'cause I've done some work there, but I would still say masculine for the most part. And it just became so clear to me. I was like, okay, we need to shift more into feminine, which again, trust, knowing, opportunity, universe, openness, right? Energy, manifestation, magnetize. That is all the feminine energy. Less doing, more being. And I was forced into that with her because I couldn't do much in my business, especially in December. I took that month off and to take it off, felt very weird, did not feel right, and I was like, that's a problem, right? I get to rest, but it's like in my body, I didn't feel like I should. And I had some limitations come up and thought processes that didn't like that. So I realized, okay, we need to be present. We need to focus on her. Everything else will still be there, and all of the up levels will still come. And this is my priority now. And so it forced me to be present. Like right now, I'm recording a podcast. I'm only thinking and recording this podcast. I'm not thinking about other things that I need to do, like I am here, I am present and I'm focusing on this. And what that allows me to do is enjoy the present more. So my joy is. Higher, but also less stress. I don't feel overwhelmed. I don't feel like I have this long laundry list of to-dos because I trust it'll get done. Ask for help ladies. We do not need to do it all. You get to delegate in your business, you get to hire in your business. You get to ask for help around the house. I have someone that cleans my house. I try once a quarter, but sometimes more if I need it. But it's like I'm not gonna scrub hands and knees. My baseboards like no. As a business owner and as a mom, and as a wife, and as a daughter, and as a friend, and as a coach, I don't have time for that, nor do I want to make time for that because it's not a priority for me. And so I want to live though in a clean house that helps my mindset. Physical clutter equals mental clutter, so I hire. And that that's okay. I get to do that. I get to ask for help. It doesn't not, it doesn't need to be all on my shoulders. You don't have to be superwoman. You don't have to be amazing. In every single category of your life, you get to prioritize something over another. You get to work seasonal. You don't have to do it all all the time. You don't have to put yourself last. You don't have to make sure everyone else is good before you. Quite the opposite. You have to make sure you are good for you so that you get to help others. No one wants a watered down version of you. If you gossip, if you complain, if you're just like this negative energy all the time, how do others get to benefit from that? You don't have to be superwoman. That's your permission slip. If you're listening to this right now and there's just like relief coming up for you, then you need it to hear that today. You don't have to be superwoman. Mom, guilt is real. Oh my goodness. I remember the first time I left Amalia, it was I think end of December, maybe it was around Christmas time, so three weeks in. And I love to go get a manicure and it was for one hour. It was the first time I pumped breast milk so that Burt had it. And the amount of anxiety I felt you guys was insane. I don't typically deal with anxiety'cause of all the work that I've done and just little modalities I know, like breath work and meditation and fighting off negative thoughts to positive thoughts and ants and answer automatic negative thoughts if you don't know. But yeah, so anyways, I left for an hour to get a manicure, and it was the longest hour of my life because I had guilt. I was like, oh my God, I left my baby at home. My baby is not here. She's not attached to my boob like. Oh my God, I'm such a bad mom. And it was really interesting that all of that came up for me and I was like, okay, this is what people are talking about, mom guilt. Got it. So I don't have really a solution for that right now. It's more of just like. Understanding that it's always going to be there, mom guilt, maybe it'll lessen over the years. I don't know, but it's real and I think I'm just going to embrace it, but still do what I need to do and, and, you know, take care of myself. But just understand that that guilt might be lingering and might be there. You miss her. When you don't have her and then you want her when you get a break. This is something that I learned, um, along the same lines with mom. Guilt is real. When I went to get my nails done, my manicure, but like when I left for that hour, I truly missed her. But it was such this duality of emotions because I was so thankful that I got to get outta the house and do something for me, and I was so grateful to get my nails done, but at the same time, I missed her like literally 10 minutes in. I didn't even get outta my car yet, right. I was like, oh my God. Like I, I wanna be back with my baby. But then when I'm with her and it's like, you know, a struggle to put her down for a nap and it's 40 minutes in of rocking her and she's still not asleep, it's like, oh my God, like I just wanna break, right? So it's like that duality of like, okay, I wanna miss her, or I want some time to myself, but then I miss her. And then when I get some time to myself or when I don't get some time to myself, all I want is a break. Lastly is the legacy I want to leave. That's so clear to me now because once I had Amalia, I swear it was the ultimate up level. Everything that my body went through was an uplevel. The delivery experience was an uplevel. The reminder of how fucking magical and powerful my body is and the female body, and just womanhood in general. But it was at the point where I was, I hit a certain threshold in my business. I hit multi six figures, in my coaching business, which still very proud and very happy and love everything about my journey and my experience and the level that I'm at. But at the same time, there was this question coming up for me. It's like, well, what is all this for? Like, what is the end goal? You keep climbing this, this ladder, this arbitrary number that you're chasing and right, it's just like bigger and better and the goalposts keep moving. But what is it all for? You have to think like, okay, so when I hit my six figures, when I hit my multi-six figures, when I hit my seven figures, what? What? Then what? Like, what do I do? What do, like, what is that for? And that was a serious question that I had to ask myself. And I'm so glad I did at the time. It came up for me because I realized, oh my God, it's all for my children. Like, yes, it's for my clients. Yes, it's for females. Yes, it's for moving the needle forward in our society. So on a very global, large scale, yes. But besides all that, it's like when I'm not here anymore. What happens with the money I've made, with the assets that I have purchased, with the wealth that I've accumulated, with the books that I have written, with the talks that I've given, like what is all it for? And it's truly to leave a legacy for my kids for the next generation so that they start with wealth so that they start with assets so that I can pass down houses down to them like, like it's literally for them. And that was just a very eye-opening lesson and, and learning once I've had her. Okay. Last but not least, my four life lessons. Number one, your past does not equal your future. This was from Tony Robbins when I first heard it, I was 24 at his seminar unleashed. The power within this was so groundbreaking for me at that time because I was so wrapped up in my past with quitting tennis, with feeling insecure about my height with all of my body image insecurities with. Going to junior college versus A-C-S-U-I, I viewed that as a bad thing at that time. Everything that made up my past, I viewed it as such, like this thing that held me back. But then I realized like, oh, that doesn't equal my future at all. I can change. I have permission to rewrite my story. And that was so huge in my personal development journey. Number two, you are the greatest project you'll ever work on. That's just period point blank. I don't need to go further. You are the greatest project you'll ever work on. Number three, perspective is power. You can look at your journey as limited, or you can see your path as a place full of potential. Full of good surprises, full of infinite growth opportunities. Either one you choose, you will be correct. Your brain does not care what you tell it. It will believe you and anything you tell it, good or bad. So you have to choose the good. You have to choose the empowering beliefs. You have to choose the uplifting, positive thoughts, and your brain will believe it. Perspective is power. Change your mind, change your life people. And finally, last one. We all live on a floating rock. I wanted to end it there because I keep finding myself saying that to my clients on my captions that I write on my posts, on social media, on my stories, and I always feel like people resonate with it. I always feel like I get feedback when I talk about that. And it's true. It's like it forces you to zoom out a little bit from your problems, your so-called problems or your worries, your fears, your doubts, your limiting beliefs, your insecurities, you name it. And it like just puts it into perspective. Like, does this really all matter at the end of the day?'cause we live on a floating rock. No one cares, no one can tell the future we are, we're all gonna die. Like it just puts this. Into such a perspective of like, no one cares. It does not matter. Just go do the thing you wanna do. Okay? Love you. Bye. That's what I got for you guys this week. If anything about this episode resonated with you, please do me a favor and take a screenshot of this podcast and post it on your stories and tag me at Kati Lillian so that I can see it. I would love, love, love to connect with you, and thank you for joining in on my birthday episode and listening to 34 lessons that I have learned over the years. I appreciate you all so much until next time.