MOMPRENEUR TELL ALL [PART 1]: My biggest fears & the mindset shifts that are saving me

Introducing my new series...all about motherhood and solopreneurship!

Welcome to the MOMPRENEUR TELL ALL series 🤰🏻💸

In part 1 of this four-part series, we're diving deep into my deepest fears that I'm still working through today and the mindset shifts that are helping me stay sane and optimistic. 

In this episode, I cover the following:

• How I have not experienced postpartum depression 
• Why I'm in maintenance mode and why that scares me tf out!
• My top 3 biggest fears (*hint! one has to do with my marriage)
• The new business model I'm desiring
• Why resentment has been building up & what I plan on doing about it

and so much more!

SUPPORT THE SHOW:

Please subscribe, rate and review over on Apple Podcasts & Spotify to help support the show! Share to your IG stories and follow along on instagram @katja.lillian for updates and inspiring content.

OTHER PLACES TO CONNECT WITH ME:

Sign up for my newsletter!
DM me on IG!
Customer Testimonials

Transcript

0:01

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Building Her podcast. I'm your host, Kati Lillian. If you've been loving this podcast, go ahead and rate the podcast five stars and DM me on Instagram when you do that, because I want to connect and personally thank you. If you are new here, hit that subscribe button. It really helps the podcast grow, and that way you will never miss an episode. So let's dive in. Hey, my name is Kati Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. If you follow me on Instagram, you would've seen that I went earlier last week and got a lymphatic drainage massage. I go to this place called New Moon Massage Studio. So if you're local here to St. Pete, I highly recommend you check it out. I go specifically with Angela. I haven't tried anyone else. So I can just recommend Angela, but she's amazing and we got to talking a little bit before the massage. We always do that. We always catch up and she was asking me about my post pregnancy, post delivery, postpartum experience, and she was just. Floored and shocked that I said no, I have not experienced postpartum depression, and so I wanted to share it with you guys because back when I had my, let's say at the beginning of my maternity leave, I had batch produced and recorded all of these episodes in advance for my maternity leave. So. If you guys don't know, I batch recorded 16 episodes back, gosh, last summer through the fall because I was giving myself December, January, February, and March with no new podcast episode so that I didn't need to worry about recording and editing. It's, it's a whole thing, right? And during that time, I had thought about what I was selling, what I was. Pitching my two group program launches, and so it was definitely geared and catered towards what was upcoming, but I've actually never sat down to share and essentially tell you everything about my pregnancy experience and my delivery, and now catching you up to speed with where I'm at, four months postpartum, almost five months By now, it's like four and a half months. So. Anyways. As I was sharing that, um, that conversation with Angela, I realized, I was like, oh my gosh, I haven't really told anyone. Yet on the podcast about my experience, and so I wanted to kick this off with a series. Yes, I am going to start a four-part series all about motherhood and. Solo entrepreneurship and everything that I've been through and I've learned, but also continue to go through. So this right now is going to be a four part series, but if you guys love it and you're like, oh my God, give me more. I need this because you're a mom or you want to become a mom and you're also a solopreneur, this is going to be it. And if you want me to. Add more to the series at a later time, I can absolutely do that. So we're kicking things off with first this four part series and um. Yeah, I, I remember during my pregnancy right before, no, actually during my pregnancy, right when I delivered, so I think it was December timeframe. January timeframe.'cause I gave birth on December 5th. Um, but I remembered I had launched my k and a diaries. So for those that are familiar and you're on my newsletter, I dropped, um, also a series where it was just four newsletters known as the K and A diaries, and I let you in on my experience. I had the pictures and everything and, um, I'm so happy I documented my birth story during that time, in real time because as I was reading it again, to prep for this series on the podcast. I, it made me so sad. I had already forgotten like half of it, and I was like, what the heck? This is such a huge thing and huge chapter in my life. How could I already forget some of these moments already? But that's how it goes, right? So I'm only four months postpartum. I had to reflect on my k and a diaries, and I'm so happy I did because it made me relive that experience and some of the same emotions started to surface again, which I'm happy it did because now I poured it here. Into this episode and then my upcoming three episodes for the series. But here now fast forward, I still want to share my, my experience, but much more from. Let's say a business entrepreneurial perspective because now I'm in the thick of it again, I'm four months, four and a half months postpartum, and there are some other things that are coming up and, and quite honestly, just questions from my one-on-one clients, but also my CEO girls because. I only work with women if you're new here. And a lot of them already have babies or are considering having babies. And so the fear of having babies and a business is very real. So I just feel like this is so necessary for all women to hear regardless of your path and, and where you're at, what stage, because I think it's just a very real topic with motherhood and then especially. Us all being in business. So hopefully you enjoy this four part series. Let's dive in. So. With fears. Um, I had lots of them during pregnancy. What if I lose all my energy? What if I don't love my business anymore? What if I have a miscarriage? What if I have a C-section? I was so afraid of a C-section, but so many things that basically could go wrong during pregnancy and then also during delivery. Those were the fears that were very, very top of mind during that time. Now I have, I still have fears. I'm human and they're all very real in terms of how I feel about them. However, I have three big fears, so I just wanted to share, I. The three biggest fears with you because I feel like that is the most helpful for you. And then, um, how I'm working through that, right? So they're my biggest fears. But then also what are the mindset shifts that are literally saving me right now in the present moment to continue to continue working through, um, these fears and some of the limitations that are coming up? Okay. Fear number one. The biggest fear that I had during delivery, I. Or I'm sorry, during pregnancy and now postpartum is what if I lose my business and just become a stay at home mom? So this rings true for me still to this day because what I have entered into is a season of maintenance versus growth. So. That scares me because for the last four years I have been in this go, go, go growth mode in my business. I've been investing into mentorship every single year, and therefore my business has had explosive growth. I hit the six figure benchmark. And then I crossed the line into owning a multi six figure business. I launched my first ever group program known as the Big Shift. I launched my first ever group. I. Mastermind for early and aspiring coaches known as she EO. I launched this building her my podcast almost a year now, April 28th will be officially one year of having this podcast. And I raised my one-on-one rates. So when you reflect back on that, on those results in such a short amount of time. It just blows my mind in terms of how much I've been able to create and produce in the four year time span now, although I loved that growth mode, I was so laser focused when I found out I was pregnant to, um, give myself a maternity leave, that that's all that I was focusing on and I never once considered after maternity leave. Oh no. My business and myself are going to be so different. So after maternity leave, I got back and I started to have my calls again and client communication started up and all that stuff, but I was different. Right. Like they always say the old you dies and the new you is birth, like, you basically have two births. One for your child, but one for you. It's so, so true. Like I am not my past version anymore, and so I, I've built a business though around my past version, if that makes sense. And so now coming back from maternity leave, I reflect and I'm like, oh my gosh, like the way I used to operate doesn't fit anymore. This doesn't light me up. This doesn't excite me. One-on-one calls I love, but also I want more white space group calls I love, but I want more white space. I, I'm, I have a daughter now and so. I never once considered life beyond maternity leave. I was again, just so laser focused on that. And so now I'm realizing I can't operate the same way I used to. Now I'm still very, very grateful for the position that I've put myself in because, um, this will be in the next episode. I'll go into it at in more. Depth and and detail, but I have set my business up in a way where I can. Take more time off and I can have more white space. It's not like I have a job where I have to go back to the office nine to five right after maternity leave. I was very fortunate to ease back into my job and, um, that is basically good for all year, which I, I'm so grateful that my old self, that old version, gave me this breathing room, gave me this time. To now reset, refocus, reconsider what I'm offering, how I'm operating in my day to day, uh, what am I launching, what am I creating, what am I selling? So there's some discomfort in that, but at the same time, I think it's really, really helpful and necessary for my business. But I digress more on that in the next episode. So back to fears. I. I'm in this maintenance mode. I'm not in growth mode. And so because I'm in this maintenance mode, it just feels extremely weird. And the biggest fear that I had both for delivery was what? What will happen to my business? Will I just become a stay at home mom? And so now, because I'm in this maintenance mode, I'm like, oh shit. Like what if something really does then happen to my business because I'm not in this growth mode? So I absolutely. Could become a stay at home mom. Now, important to note before I go any further, I don't think there is anything wrong with being a stay at home mom. I, I wanna make that clear.'cause if you're listening to this and you are a stay at home mom, I have so much love and so much fucking respect for you. I believe you should be getting paid for your hard work. Being a mom is the hardest job out there. Like it boils my blood to know now that I'm a mom, that you guys don't get paid for this. Like it's just ludicrous. So I digress. That could be another episode, but I personally didn't want to become a stay at home mom and still don't want to become a stay at home mom because simply I love my business too much. My business was and is my first born, yes, Amalia is my second born. So I still even going through pregnancy and delivery and now being a mom and four and a half months postpartum, I. I still have so much love for my business, like I do not want to give it up. It is not work. It is not a job for me. It is a mission. It is so much bigger than what I do in the day to day. So now I realize I don't want to. Get let go of it, but it's like how do we move forward so that we can make the most of our presence online and hear this podcast and everything we're already doing, but basically going from two x to 10 x and, and that's a huge quantum leap, if you will. And so. I think I'm in this mode right now of trying to understand how my business can grow exponentially while maintaining the the existing business I have. Right? So I guess the key word there is having patience. So that's my big fear. But the mindset shift that is getting me through it today is still this word. And so I used to think I had to. Have my business or become a mom. I never put the two and two together, and so. Um, during pregnancy, and then now I still, now remember, okay, hold up. I get to be a business owner and a mom, and on my harder days when Amalia isn't napping so well, or she's fussy or she wakes up at two in the morning, or when I feel like I'm taking on more of the, the burden, the work than Bert is, I always in my mind have to remember I get to do. Both. So in the day to day, if it doesn't look like both, that's okay. But in the grand scheme of things, on a weekly, on a monthly, on a quarterly basis, if I get to still show up and do both, then I'm doing my job. So that word and is so, so, so important to me. It's so important in in many different factors of life, but for me, specifically with business and motherhood and is such a powerful word. So that's the mindset shift that is saving me right now. I just keep reminding myself of that Fear number two, what if I don't figure this out? So I just alluded to this idea of what I used to do ain't working anymore, nor do I want it to work. It could probably work. I take that back. It could probably work, but I don't want it to work because I have this new business model on my heart. So this rings true for me in, in terms of figuring this out because we, Bertram and I want to continue growing our family. So you heard it here first on the podcast. We don't wanna just stop with Amalia. We definitely want a child, and I already now know having. Amalia that my time is going to be really, really tied up, especially at the beginning, right, with another newborn and then a toddler. So I'm trying to start thinking about repositioning my business. In a place and rooted in a place of value versus time. So I believe in my core, this was a money mindset reframe that I had to do years ago, but I believe that value equals money, not time equals money, which again, if you're a nine to five corporate worker, usually we pair time with money. And so I really had to unlearn that. Um, so that I could have more white space in my calendar, but not have a dip in my income. So very happy. I'm very happy with that money mindset, uh, reframe. But now looking at, okay, so then the value. What is the value that I provide in a non-live way? So take calls aside,'cause that's time. What is the value that I provide that. Can be paid for. And when I look at it, I don't have any digital courses. I don't have, I mean, I have one product, which is my pen drop journal, which TBD on the next iteration of that. But I don't really have anything that's just like on my website where it's a click to buy it. It's all. My time with one-on-one coaching or with now my group coaching, it's still live calls. Um, maybe not as many, but it's still live. And then it's also a live launch component. So I don't have any evergreen. I. Products, for example, where it's open 365 days of the year. So I want to restructure my business simply so that I have my time back. Now, my fear, my worry is, of course I'm stepping into unknown territory. I don't know what that looks like. I see others with Evergreen digital courses, but then it's like, okay, cool. I could have them all listed on my website, but not to sell it. We gotta sell it, you know? So I, I have a lot of my time back. I'm not trying to sit here and like complain. I, I love the business that I've built and I truly do have so much more white space than I ever have. What I am trying to figure out though, is future. So again, thinking of a second child and bringing them into our family and into our, into my work world, it needs to be reduced or, or not even reduced, but it's more of like. Maybe when I work and when I'm able to work during nap time or school or whatever, then okay, cool, let's work. But I don't wanna feel like, oh my God, I like I have to do this, or I need to work because I need X amount of dollars or, or something like that. Like I wanna work from a place of, I get to and fun and play very feminine vibe. Versus, oh shit, I'm gonna make money. Masculine strategy. Go, go, go. So right now, to, to give you an idea, and again, I'll go into this more in the next episode, but right now I basically work, um, three days a week, uh, on the business. So that's Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Now Mondays is more of like an admin type day where. Or it's more like personal stuff. So now it was the season of taxes, so it's like tax stuff or you know, um, have conversations with my VA or you know, stuff like that. That's kind of like behind the scenes. But, um, I guess I should say in the business is Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Because I have my coaching calls and my podcast recording and stuff like that. So, um, that's what I do. But how awesome is that, right? It's three days a week. So Mondays it's kind of like admin stuff, whatever. And then Fridays I typically take off. If not, it's like maybe one task, two tasks or something to just kind of close up shop for the week. Also, I shouldn't even say days because they're half days. So, I mean, if you look at it in the traditional sense of a full day being a nine to five, but, um, I, I work pretty much like after noon, so 12 till about four, five ish. Um, that's like the bulk, that's the majority of my work day. Because mornings is usually for myself and a workout and meditation and journal and breakfast. But also I'm easing into the day because Molly is there. So I spend it with her, um, you know, nap times, then I get to focus on me breakfast, all that kind of stuff. Basically, it's just. Me and Amalia in the mornings until about noon, and then she'll go down for her first afternoon nap, and that's when Burt steps in and he let's we, we've coined it as like the afternoon shift, so that's him. Um, so it's been really nice. And again, that's why I mentioned too, I've been able to ease back into work. It's not like, oh fuck, 8:00 AM Monday morning. I gotta go somewhere and be in the office. Like I can't even imagine doing that. So again, so much respect for the ladies that do do that. I am so grateful for my past self to build this type of business where I don't have to do that. But also even more reason for you to build a business like this. So you do have that freedom. Just saying so. Um, anyways, long story short, I love my work model now, I don't know, and I don't think it's going to be sustainable for long term. And so therefore the fear is change. It's also stepping into this unknown world with then eventually two ki two kids. Um, so yeah, I, I would say. Oh no. Like what if I don't figure out the passive income course, uh, or passive income route or the digital courses that sell, or evergreen that sells 24 7. Like that's a new level that I have to master. And we all know my favorite quote, new level, new devil. And so that devil is protruding right now and getting in my, in my way. Now the mindset shift that is helping me, I will figure it out because there's literally no other option. So in sales, or I should say in entrepreneurship, and I don't remember who it is, if, you know, DM me on Instagram and let me know where it's from. But um, in entrepreneurship, it's kind of like you burn the boats. You're on an island and you burn the boats, meaning there is no other option. You have to make it work on the island. So for me, that was so paramount when I quit my tech job because I built this coaching side hustle. And when I finally got to a point of having three to six months of savings. Replacing my income and sustaining that income for minimum three to six months. And then I was able to leave just'cause the math was mouthing you guys. If I didn't leave, it would've just been fear. And so I was like, all right, Katia, like I. The money is there, so what are we doing? And so I was finally able to leave, but still when I left it was like, oh shit, like this is real now. But I came back to that quote where it's like, okay, well I burned all the boats and like this is quite literally the only option now, so you better make it fucking work. And that's what I did. And I'm still here today. Right. So. I think now as I venture into this new unknown territory, I just have to trust again, like I gotta burn the boats and I just have to figure it the fuck out. And if I have to invest again into a, a different type of coach or program where they do teach me that, great because investments have gotten me this far, right? Like I have not built my coaching business by myself. I have built my business based off of my mentor shoulders. Like, I truly believe that because of my investments. And so, yeah, I, I'm just telling myself that I have to figure it out. And I also know I won't quit. This is my purpose. This is my life's work. It's not just a job for me. Like I said, it's my mission. And so I think what it's also doing is it's forcing me to evolve. It's forcing me to organize my systems. It's organiz it. It's causing me to clean up my systems and allocate and. And automate and delegate where I can, and that's uncomfortable. But at the same time, I know it's necessary to get to a new level that I've never reached before. Right? I have to do things differently, um, in order to make that happen. Okay, the last biggest fear number three is more on a personal side, but it's between me and Burt. So one, one of my fears during pregnancy was what will happen to Bur and I simply from a, from a place of, you know, me as the woman have to take on so much more, um, burden and, and have to sacrifice so much more. Because, well, yeah, you get pregnant and then you are pregnant and holding the baby and going through all these body emotional, hormonal changes for nine, 10 months and then you deliver, which for lots of women is a traumatic experience. I'm very grateful. Mine was not, although it was still hard. And very eye-opening. It still was not traumatic for me because I just was real under great care and I had so much support and love, and I really did do so much mind work. I, I hired a doula, but I digress. I, I just feel for the women that I. Do have traumatic experiences.'cause then you have to recover not only physically, but mentally and emotionally, which prolongs the whole healing journey. And then you have a baby on your boob for. Six months, nine months, a year, however long you choose to breastfeed. If you are breastfeeding, which is again, time. And then you rely on naps to get any kind of work done, which includes laundry and cleaning and you know, hopefully you get to take care of yourself and go on a walk. It, it, it's a lot. And for the woman and so. Bert has been so, so, so supportive, but at the same time, he does not understand the, the female woman's experience. He sees it from afar and you know, he sees it and, and hears it and whatever I tell him and open up to him about and all my tears, but at the end of the day, he's still not going through it. Right. Katya is, and so there's just a lot of moving parts now as. A married couple raising a child that, that, now I'm realizing, right, this was not during pregnancy. This is now only, uh, postpartum. So scheduling, for example, we can't just go up. And go on a trip or on a date night, we have to coordinate with a nanny. First of all, you have to find a nanny that you trust. Once you have to find a nanny that you trust, you have to coordinate with her weeks in advance, depending on how busy she is to have her watch. Your daughter, your child for however long. So if we wanna do a date night, for example, that's maybe three, four hours while we go grab dinner and possibly dessert or right, like whatever it is. Like our first date night after having Amalia, we went and got pedicures together, which was so fun. And we went to our favorite restaurant for dinner. And then our second date night, a month later was actually with my parents at a new restaurant here in St. Petersburg. Third date night, another month later was a beach meditation, which ended up short.'cause we had to leave because I got a text from the nanny saying, your daughter's very upset, you need to come home. And we ran out of milk. Right? So it's like, oh shit. Like that's not really an option. We gotta get back. But, but just look at that, right? Like so much preparation and coordination goes into now a date night. And then when you're on the date night, you better make the most of that date night'cause you don't get a lot of date nights. And so you're like, okay, we better talk, we better connect, we better, you know, get, understand where our partner is at mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. Like we need the update and like a rapid amount of time. At a rapid pace. And uh, yeah, that's been new that, that's been interesting to figure out. And then also work schedules. So Bert had a last minute work trip for just a day and he had to leave the next day work, just kind of threw it on him, which is not this, the, the norm, but just saying this happened. And so then the next day, well I had calls booked and I had to reschedule four one-on-one calls. That doesn't feel very good, and that's probably not good for the business. Right? So again, I had to take on that burden. And then with, with all of the scheduling, um, changes and, and things that we're still figuring out what you feel as a woman. I don't wanna speak for every woman's experience, but. From the people that I have spoken with, there is a lot of resentment on the the female side that starts to build up because although I have his support, the reality is that your baby wants their mom more. Especially at this young newborn age, right? I'm the milk supply. Hello baby's gotta get her milk. And also she's familiar with me. She knows my scent. She is familiar and recognizes my heartbeat, which is so wild. And so because of that, we have a deeper bond already. And so she feels more safe because she was also in my belly for nine, 10 months. And because of that. It's more work on my plate, just naturally and, and biologically. And on the harder days where again, she's not going down for a nap or it's not a three hour nap, it's only a 30 minute nap, or she's getting fussy because she has gas or stomach issues, then I have to put all of my attention on her while Burt still gets to work. Right. And, and if Burt steps in, then it's like, well. Maybe she still wants her mom, so she still is fussy and she still cries. I remember I just recently had a beach picnic for my birthday. I, I went with all the girls. You might've seen it on my stories. If you follow me on Instagram and, um, I was 30 minutes late then what I. Said I would be, um, with Bur'cause he was watching her and I had a milk bottle for him, but it was only like a little over two ounces. And so she was alone with two and a half ounces with Burt for three and a half hours versus three. And those 30 minutes, he felt it because she was crying her head off. You guys like, imagine that, uh, having a screaming, crying, fussy baby for 30 minutes. S crying nonstop like that would get to me too. Hello? And so. Mom. Guilt aside, I felt so bad because I was like, wow, like she really does need me because she wasn't even hungry. I, I think she wanted a little bit more, but not much, you know? But she just wanted me, the minute I picked her up, the minute I held her, she was fine. So I was like, wow, like this isn't even against Burt. This is just biologically and. You know, the bond that I have with this, this child, she just needs me more. She needs her mama more than she needs her dad. And so I, I'm realizing that now, again, four and a half months postpartum, but I could have never imagined or realize that during pregnancy, right? And so on the harder days, I do feel myself go down a spiral. Which obviously doesn't feel good and you know, me and my work, we don't wanna hang out there. We don't wanna throw ourselves a pity party and stay at that pity party for too long. We don't wanna overstay our welcome. So with all that being said, the mindset shift. Is this is just a season and we will only get stronger on the other side, and I genuinely, wholeheartedly believe that this is just a season. Every mom that I've met and talked with, they're like, this time in general raising kids flies by, but this time the newborn stage flies by. So it really is just a season. So just like muster up the energy and. Figure it the fuck out, but also at the same time, try to be as present there as possible because you don't want to get to a point where she's 5, 10, 20 and you look in this at this newborn phase and you're like, damn, I, I. I wasn't even there and I was just angry and sad the whole time. Like, I don't wanna be regretful. And so I really am practicing the this presence and this gratitude practice of like, she needs me right now and there's gonna be a day where she doesn't need me anymore. And that's gonna be also. Really, really hard on me. And so I'm going to make the most of this time while she's a newborn. And I'm so lucky that she does want her mom right now. Like, how fortunate am I? Um, and then I believe with that better mindset, I will only get stronger with bur our relationship. Our marriage will only get stronger on the other side, the more I communicate my needs, my worries, my fears, my emotions, but also. Um, accepting his support, accepting his help. If he wants to put her down for a nap, go put her down for a nap. If she's chilling and not fussy, hang out with her. Give mom a break. Let mom shower. Let mom record a podcast episode. That's literally what's happening right now. And so I really feel like this will only make us stronger because you also have to think when you're done having kids and raising kids. Well, empty nester phase. And you don't wanna be a stranger with your partner, right? Like you wanna feel like, damn, we raised those kids and we're so proud of them. And wow, look at everything we were still able to accomplish and look at how much we've grown and we've developed and we are better friends than before. Like that is a stage I'm also looking forward to and I'm really excited for. So that's been a huge mindset shift for me, and that's something that I also repeat. On the daily right now, um, when, when those times are hard. So those are the three fears. Those are the three mindset shifts. Those feel like they're the biggest ones for me right now in this season of life. And I just really, really hope that this. Spoke to another mom who is also a coach, or you are just building a business online, but you are considering kids down the road or you have kids and you're like, why is this so hard? I really hope some of this is validating for you, but also some of it is helpful for you to work through and essentially get out of onto the other side so that you also know it is absolutely possible. That's what I got for you this week. If anything about this episode resonated with you, please do me a favor. Take a screenshot of this podcast and post it onto your stories and tag me at Katia, Lillian, I would love to connect with you. So thank you in advance and I appreciate you. Until next time.