Self-Doubt vs. Imposter Syndrome: What's Really Holding You Back?

In this week's episode, I talk about the differences between self-doubt and imposter syndrome. Why most people get them confused, what each actually means and what you can do to mitigate imposter syndrome in the moment.

[EPISODE REFERENCED] Is Self-Doubt Secretly Killing Your Dreams? 

SUPPORT THE SHOW:

Please subscribe, rate and review over on Apple Podcasts & Spotify to help support the show! Share to your IG stories and follow along on instagram @katja.lillian for updates and inspiring content.

OTHER PLACES TO CONNECT WITH ME:

Sign up for my newsletter!
DM me on IG!
Customer Testimonials

Transcript

0:00

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Building Her podcast. I'm your host, Kati Lillian. If you've been loving this podcast, go ahead and rate the podcast five stars and DM me on Instagram when you do that, because I want to connect and personally thank you. If you are new here, hit that subscribe button. It really helps the podcast grow, and that way you will never miss an episode. So let's dive in. Hey, my name is Kati Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. Hello everyone. I am going to be talking about self-doubt this week. I have had that topic come up in most of my client conversations, if not all, and I was also looking at some of my metrics on Buzz Sprout, so behind the scenes of my podcast, just to see what's performing and what's doing better than others, and. To my surprise, it was a solo episode where I talk about self-doubt. The title was, is Self-Doubt Secretly Killing Your Dreams. I'll link it down in the show notes below as well, but I just found that fascinating that. All of my episodes for over a year now, right? I am talking about confidence, and I have guest episodes where we talk about leaving your nine to five and highest cash months and client wins, but self-doubt secretly killing your dreams was number one. So I felt like that topic deserved a bit more. Depth it deserved another podcast episode, so hopefully if you have listened to that first one, you'll appreciate this one. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then I highly recommend checking out. That first one is self-doubt secretly killing your dreams. Again, in the show notes below. Just maybe because it will help you in with self-doubt in general, or you really do want to hear some of that from the, the first one. So, self-doubt comes up. All day, every day. Again, with my clients in the conversations, but also here, even in my personal life, right? Coaches need coaches too. So I, I think, I guess the first myth, if you will, is that I hear self-doubt come up a lot with imposter syndrome. And I just wanna be clear on what the difference is.'cause I think a lot of us actually mix that up. So self-doubt is just simply a lack of confidence in your own. Abilities, decisions or worth. So I think an easy way to recognize if you're experiencing self-doubt is the thoughts of what if I'm not good enough? Or what if I fail? What if I fuck up? What if, right? And then kind of like this doomsday scenario, that's self-doubt because you haven't done the thing yet, but you're worried that, Ooh, I don't believe. In my own abilities yet, and so therefore, the likelihood of me potentially failing or not being good enough is actually likely when imposter syndrome. Is more of a belief, like deep down, even when you're successful, you feel like you don't deserve that success or you feel like a fraud. Like I just faked it till I made it and shit. I made it. And so people are gonna find out that I faked it this whole time, even though there's evidence that you're competent and you deserve this spot, but it's just this feeling. Again, tied to this is why it gets this is why people confuse it with self-doubt because it's that not enoughness feeling, but again, it's much more rooted in the deserving aspect of it. So I would, I would argue it's more of the identity level fear that you're experiencing because you feel like you're tricking people right into believing you're capable versus just believing you're capable. So the key difference between both of those definitions and just understanding what each is, self-doubt is questioning if you can do it. So very much more like future focused and future casting. Imposter syndrome is questioning if you deserve to be doing it, which is much deeper on a, on a worthiness. Level. So I hope that clears it up. And again, I just wanted to take the time to do that because I have been hearing both of those in my client calls. And so I just wanna make sure that, you know, you listening what you might be experiencing. And I think that's so, so important because when it comes to solution mode. Then we can rectify the situation. We can really work on the thoughts, we can work on the actions, the limiting beliefs, right? And really get to the core of it. But if you think you're dealing with something different, then you're not really going to go into that solution mode because you're working on the wrong thing. Okay? So. With self-doubt, and I won't go into self-doubt too much, just again because I have that first episode, is self-doubt secretly killing your dreams. But again, just to reiterate what it is, but I'll much more go into imposter syndrome. So when self-doubt pops up, your. Usually about to start something new. So think of stepping into the unknown or outside of your comfort zone, and you're meeting those edges for the first time. So if you are an entrepreneur and you have to put yourself out there, or you have your first consultation call, you're raising prices, you're launching a program, you're launching a podcast, right? Those are really scary things because you've never been there before. It's unknown territory, and so of course the question of Ooh, am I even capable of doing this right, is valid because you've never done it before. And so it's always like this surprise. You always have to surprise yourself with what you're able to handle, essentially. I'd also say it pops up during a setback or a failure, quote unquote, because it makes you second guess your capabilities. So let's say you are really, really confident and you're this go-getter, ambitious, hustler type female entrepreneur, and you. I don't know. You just launch the thing and it doesn't work. Or you have the consultation call and you, you're feeling it and you know, you've had so many other consultation calls and you've had training and you've invested in, they still say no or you launch a program and crickets or I, I mean, there's so many right? And so because of that, then you might think, damn, maybe I'm not the best coach. Maybe I'm not the best realtor. Maybe I'm not the best therapist. Maybe I'm not the best. Whatever. Insert job. And so that can really make us second guess our capability because we internalize it, we make it mean something about us versus focusing on the strategy perhaps, right? The strategy is the thing that got in the way. Obviously number three, when you compare yourself to others and you feel like you're behind, I always say, please do not compare yourself to I don't know if you're listening right now, but like the Jenna Kutchers of the world, the Amy Porterfield of the world, whoever is light years ahead of you, because again, one you don't know. What is going on behind the scenes? So I think it's a really unfair comparison because you have no idea if they love what they do anymore, you have no idea how their family life is. You have no idea how their health is we have no idea unless you know them, of course, personally. But most of us, I would, I would guess don't. And it's a really unfair comparison because if you're looking at their highlights and their branding and their websites, well yeah, that shit is. Spot on and it's beautiful and it looks like perfection. But again, we don't know the human behind the brand. And so it's a really unfair comparison for you who might just be starting out or who's a year in two years in. So for. You to get stuck in that comparison trap is really just doing a disservice to you, but that's when self-doubt pops up. And then lastly, I would say visibility. So when you have to post online, direct to camera, show your face, use your voice, your speaking, speaking gig, public speaking, or just vulnerable, like sharing your story and opening up for the first time. But to all these. Through strangers on the internet, that could also be very, very scary. And if you're brand new to it, it's out of your comfort zone. So a lot of these are obviously related. So that's where self-doubt comes up a lot. So it's much more, again, rooted in the future. I've never done this before. Oh God, what if I stumble on my words? What if I launch this program and no one buys? What if I'm not good enough? And you, you see what I mean? So it's much more rooted in the future. Welcome. Fear driven anxiety. Okay, so imposter syndrome. Ooh, that pops up when let's say you actually do the thing. So this is not so much future casting, right? This is actually more present. So I actually did sign a client, or I launched a masterclass and holy shit, people actually showed up. Or I launched a program and oh my gosh, I actually. Hit the highest income goal that I've ever had before. And we don't feel like we fully. Achieve something the right way using air quotes. And so then we push it off and we think it was either luck or it was timing, or, oh, this was a mistake, it was a fluke. I can't even repeat this anymore. So you kind of, you, you kind of reduce the celebration and the win. Because you don't feel like, again, you deserve that win, and you think it wasn't even you. It was just us. Something outside of you, like luck or timing. This is a big one when you're in rooms with other people that you. Most likely admire, and you think they're further along than you, which maybe they are, but because of that, you now don't think you belong. And that feeling of inadequacy pops up and you're like, why the fuck am I here? I don't even have anything to say. I feel like I'm pretending I have nothing to contribute to this conversation. So you just feel really, really small. Another one as your business grows. Every next level that you want to go towards.'cause you never have to keep growing. You could honestly just stay at whatever level you're at, maintain it and be happy with it. But humans, we are wired for growth. We gain so much happiness from growth. And so when you inevitably. Inevitably go to that next level. It can trigger a feeling of imposter syndrome. So let's say you have one-on-one coaching, but you wanna offer now group coaching, or you like your one-on-one prices, but New year. Okay, new prices, let's up it whatever it is. I always like to say new level, new devil. That was a good ring to it. New level, new devil. And so what happens is the next level you enter by choice, this new insecurity pops up, or this new underlying feeling of worthiness or lack of pops up. So. When you go through these new levels of your business or just life, there's always going to be something that pops up that you need to work through. And I know some of you're like, really, Kaia? I thought I was at a good place. And absolutely you are. But just that's, that's what, that's what growing patents is known for. Or that's why they call it growing pains, right? Because there's a lot of pain in the growth that always basically reveals something, some kind of insecurity. You're never like fully healed. You're never fully the best, you're never fully. Perfect at business and I think a lot of people want that deep down, but as you continue to grow, you just never fucking get it. So buckle up and enjoy the ride. Lastly, when you compare your behind the scenes struggles. To someone else's highlight reel. So kind of going back to the Jenna Kutcher, Amy Porterfield example, even though it's a little different, I was just talking about comparing to their highlight reel, their branding, their advertising, but that's because of how far they were business, like their chapter five year, chapter one. That's an unfair comparison, right? At the same time, we don't see much of the personal life the day-to-day. No one's a fly on the wall and gets to see when Jenna breaks down or when she's flustered with her kids, or when she's having a bad body image day because she's bloated or, you know what I mean? Like these in real life moments. And so what happens is when we feel like we're struggling or. I mean, literally just. If you follow me on Instagram, I shared that I had back pain on Saturday, and you guys, it was excruciating. I could not walk. I went from my bed to the couch, barely. It took me like five minutes to get there and I kind of hobbled over. It was so bad. It was excruciating, and I waited. I had to wait until Monday, until obviously the chiro was open and then I called at 8:00 AM they got me 3:00 PM same day, and everything is fine now. My back is so much better. My point is though, I had such a bad mental health day on that Saturday. I was crying to Burt over dinner. I lashed out at him several times. I was like, I need help. Why don't you offer me more help and can't you see I'm struggling? Like just totally victim mode on his ass. And I mean, he lovingly, well, tough, lovingly called me out. But imagine if I, in that situation, went then on Instagram and saw all these happy people and walking and dancing and everything's great and I'm making money and look at this new outfit and blah, blah. I would feel worse about myself because now I'm comparing my real behind the scenes struggles to. Highlight reels. You see what I mean? Like anytime I'm struggling behind the scenes, I'm, I'm not going on social media to consume. I can tell you that much because I know it's going to just piss me off even more. Like I have to be in a good mindset and Headspace to even get on the app to then show up and if I consume, which is very little these days. So that was a long-winded one'cause I had to share my backstory, but I just, I try to paint the picture because I truly was struggling on Saturday. It was the most excruciating pain I've ever had in my back ever. I've had some back tweaks and aches and pains, but this was by far the worst. And I do believe it's because of my postpartum body, eight and a half months postpartum. I have to work on pelvic floor exercises and regain my strength and my core. Like we're still in progress. We're still working on all of that, and it doesn't help that. Amalia always wants to get picked up. She always wants me to hold her, especially now because of teething. But I digress. So when you are struggling, please do not get on social media and just look at everyone else's beautiful lives. Okay, great. So hopefully after all of that, we know the difference between self-doubt and imposter syndrome. Now, I think the biggest thing with imposter syndrome, again, going back to what it means, feeling inadequate and not feeling enough and not deserving of your accolades and. Everything you've built and done, the, the question that typically pops up, and this is how you'll know you are experiencing imposter syndrome, is who am I to help these women out? I literally just had a client tell me that this week she was like, she's trying to sign her first private one-on-one client. And she said, but who am I to help these women out? Who am I to actually coach someone? And I wanna be crystal, crystal clear with this. You do not have to be a perfect human in order to help someone out. You do not have to have all your shit together in order to help someone out. You need to be one day further. I usually say chapter or step. I like this one better, one day further along than someone else in order to help them. That's it. One day further in your imperfection. You do not have to have it all figured out, and you do not have to be quote unquote perfect in order to help someone else out. Perfection, having it all figured out is all a lie. If anyone acts like they have it all figured out, they're lying to you. They are faking it. They are pretending. Last time I checked, there is not one person who knows what's going to happen tomorrow. There is nobody that can tell. The future. We are all here literally on a floating rock, figuring it out. That's it. That's what it is. So if you've learned something imperfectly, but it has helped you get a step further or closer to a goal or heal or. Just knowledge and wisdom about a certain topic, then you can absolutely help someone else out. Okay. Wanted to make sure that that was clear. I'd also reframe for you because my clients do call me the reframe queen. Imposter syndrome is a good thing. I know it doesn't sound very good, syndrome. It sounds very serious. It shows that you are growing. Remember when I said it pops up? You're achieving something. You're in rooms with others that you admire when your bus business is growing and you're hitting those next levels, right? Those are all. Very positive things. I would argue you just achieve something. You're in rooms with other people that you admire and are further along than you, and your business is growing. So hello. Imposter syndrome is a good thing. You're stretching yourself, you're growing, you're meeting those edges of your comfort zone. So what I would actually say. Is stop trying to resist it and figure out why you're feeling this way. I would actually embrace the feeling of imposter syndrome. Because again, it's part of it. I don't think there's one person who says, I've never felt like an imposter. Especially if they have a huge business and they're growing and they're making hundreds of thousands, millions of dollars, and they're always surrounding themselves with people that are smarter than them, and they're getting in the room of people that are further along than them. Like I would rather feel like an imposter because then that shows me, okay, I'm doing something right. I am putting myself in situations to grow. That is a good thing. So if I feel this way, awesome. Imposter syndrome can sit in the passenger seat. I'm in the driver's seat. We're going to the top together. So that's a reframe I offer my clients, and that's helpful mindset shift, and that's where everything starts is always a mindset shift. But three other points I guess that I wanted to add to help when you feel like more so in the moment of feeling like an imposter. So example, let's put you in that room. Think of. 10 people right now. Think of 10 people that you admire and that are further along than you imagine. You're in a room with them, and I'll pause for you to think about it. I have some names coming up for me. Okay, so they're there. We're in a room. And I don't know, let's say it's like networking or something, and so it's like cocktail hour and you're all standing and it's like a meet and greet. You're meeting each other for the first time. So I wanted to give more like tangible advice besides the mindset chef. Okay, we're open to this feeling. That's, that's good. But now in the moment when you're actually in a room like that and you're feeling this unworthiness, not deservingness, right? What can we do about it to shift our state and actually make the most of this opportunity? There's three things I wanna leave you with, number one. Breathe. Let's regulate our nervous system so that we can think and speak more clearly. If I'm not breathing. I have that shallow breath and I'm nervous people pick up on that energy. I might also be fumbling my words. I might be saying and and like I personally have a nervous giggle. So I might have a nervous giggle after everything I say or ask. And that energy speaks volumes. And so what I want to do is remember to breathe deep through my belly. Up the diaphragm, up the chest, then exhale. Let's get those deep belly breaths going. Let's slow down our breath. Then we can feel more calm, more cool, more collected. Now we can speak more eloquently. We can speak with more grace. We can speak with more confidence perhaps. You see what I mean? So right there in that moment, breathe. I would even say. Room aside, when you're showing up on social media and you're nervous to show up and share your face and speak direct to camera. Breathe. You are okay. All right. The next thing shift into gratitude. So instead of thinking all these people are so much better than me, and they're so much further along than me, and they're so smart, and I have nothing to say, I have nothing to contribute. Why not shift the focus to gratitude of holy shit, I get to be here. Holy shit. Look at the room that I am in and who I am surrounded with right now. Look at all of these connections I get, I get to make Hello. That is such an opportunity and so gratitude trumps fear every single time. I, I personally like to say I live in gratitude. I am human, so let's say 90% of the time, I don't have to practice gratitude. I don't have to write 10 things I'm grateful for. I literally think about it and I feel it all day every day things happen in life. Yes, that deter me from it, but I come right back to it. The next thing. Have fun. When we experience imposter syndrome or self-doubt, I think we make it so serious, right? Like this person and their title and their status, or this amount of money, or this program or this fucking little app known as Instagram and all these other people on the other side of it, it's like it does have to be so serious. Have fun with it. We're all on a floating rock. We're all figuring it out. Try some shit. Fail publicly. You're gonna be okay. You're not gonna die. And if you're in this room, online or in real life, as I painted the picture, if you shift into gratitude and you are like, oh, okay, I get to be here, then it's well, let's be a sponge. Let's ask fucking questions. Let's pick their brain. And it's like this, this energy of a child, like having childlike curiosity in all your conversations that will take you so, so, so far and make the experience that much more enjoyable. I think if we go back to when we. When we see where imposter syndrome pops up after achieving something, let's be grateful for the thing that we just achieved. How about that? When our business grows, new level, new devil, let's be grateful that we're at this new level because I guarantee you, a younger version of you dreamt of this level at some point, and now we're fucking here. So let's be grateful. Let's learn. Let's not be so serious and move it along. Okay? Okay, great. That's what I got for you this week. If anything about this episode resonated with you, please do me a favor. Take a screenshot of this podcast post on your stories and tag me at Katya Lillian. You guys know I would love, love, love, love to connect with you. So thank you in advance, and I appreciate you. Until next time. Mm.