Balancing Babies & Businesses: My Honest Take on Doing Both

In this week's episode, I get real about navigating business, identity, and postpartum life — without losing myself.

Rather than a solo episode or hearing me interview someone, I am actually getting interviewed. I was interviewed by my friend and fellow coach, Mercedes Castellani.

Mercedes Castellani is a Life Purpose Coach and the visionary Founder of Blisstopia. She empowers women from all over the world to find their purpose and create wealth doing what they love. Since 2022, she has guided hundreds of women to find their purpose, create nonsensical wealth, strengthen the connection to their soul, and manifest their dream lives through a unique methodology that blends ancient wisdom and cutting-edge mindset work. Mercedes is also the host of Blisstopia Podcast, a top 1% self-development show with listeners in 79 countries. 

We discuss:

- How Katja left the golden handcuffs of corporate to build a soul-led business
- Why motherhood deepened her sense of purpose 
- 3 tips to design a business in a way that supports your life, and not the other way around
- How to overcome the fear of not being enough or being loved
- The Tony Robbins' event that changed the trajectory of her life 
- How to raise the next generation with confidence and intuition

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mercedes.castellani/

Website: https://blisstopia.eu/pathtopurpose

Transcript

0:00

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Building Her podcast. I'm your host, Kati Lillian. If you've been loving this podcast, go ahead and rate the podcast five stars and DM me on Instagram when you do that, because I want to connect and personally thank you. If you are new here, hit that subscribe button. It really helps the podcast grow, and that way you will never miss an episode. So let's dive in. Hey, my name is Kati Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. Alright, let's get into this week's episode, which I know you'll really enjoy because rather than just a solo episode or hearing me interview someone, I am actually getting interviewed on another podcast. I was interviewed by my friend and fellow coach, Mercedes Castellani. Don't you just love that name? Mercedes Casti. She is a life purpose coach and the visionary founder of Bliss Topia, mercedes, empowers women from all over the world to find their purpose and create wealth, doing what they love. Since 2022, she has guided hundreds of women to find their purpose, create nonsensical wealth, strengthen the connection to their soul, and manifest their dream lives through a unique methodology that blends ancient wisdom and cutting edge mindset. Mercedes is also the host of Bliss Topia Podcast, a top 1% self-development show with listeners in 79 countries. I really hope you guys love this episode. We talk about all things motherhood and juggling business ownership. My deepest fears, it's definitely one that you'll want to listen to. If you're a coach or aspiring coach or a mom, a female, it, it's, it's just such more of like a real and raw type of episode because she asks the questions and you guys know I'm an open book, and she asked all things, marriage, business, and babies. Her and I originally met in a mastermind and then also we connected recently again with Tony Robbins'cause she just went to the one in Germany. And we actually talk about that in the episode in terms of like what her takeaway was and things like that. So I'll shut up. I'm gonna let you guys get to it and um, yeah, enjoy today's episode. Hello Mela. Welcome to another episode of Dystopia podcast. I'm your host Mercedes Castellani, and I'm super happy to be recording this episode today. I brought to the show a dear friend, a fellow coach colleague. Her name is Ian Cat is a life coach, business mentor, and a top ranked podcast host. She's the founder of the Big Shift and sheeo, and for over five years, she's helped women transform their lives. Build successful songline coaching businesses. And fun fact, Kaia and I, we met on Mastermind in 2023. So that was back when I was the marketing director and I was thinking about quitting my job and thinking about building a coaching business. So I joined this mastermind to actually understand how to build a coaching business under find the courage to actually go all in on this dream. And Kaia was already a coach. She was already living this life, and we met there. She was couple of steps further down the line than me, and we connected in this mastermind and we've kept in touch ever since. And I'm super happy to be interviewing you today, Kaia. We're gonna be talking a lot about purpose and motherhood, and you beautifully embody these two, and you're further down the line for many of us. So we want to learn from your experience. So welcome Kaia to the show. Okay. Thank you so much. What an amazing introduction. I really appreciate it, and I'm so excited for this conversation. Fantastic. Thank you so much for being here. Every time we meet, every time we've had chats and everything, I just love your energy. There's this sense of joy and lightness at the same time, so I think this energy is definitely going to transpire into the rest of the podcast. So thank you. You, let's go back in time into a moment in which you had this corporate job in the tech industry. That you decided to quit at some point to become a women's mindset coach. So how were you feeling back then when you had that job? This previous Kaia that I didn't get to meet? How was she feeling on a daily basis and how is this Kaia that we get to meet, uh, feeling on a daily basis? Yeah, such a good question. I could go on and on about my story and give you all of the details and we could sit here for three hours, but to give you the cliff notes, I always felt this internal pull to obviously go all in with coaching, but I had a deep rooted fear of money and can I actually make this happen on my own? No one around me was an entrepreneur, so. I was just really afraid. I was deeply, deeply afraid of going all in on myself and making this happen. So I think I tried to just push it down and push it away for years. So I was at my tech company and then I was building my coaching business on the side, and I got wrapped up in this identity of, oh, it's just a side hustle. It's just a side hustle. And I kind of played it off. It was like my crutch to not actually entertain it as my main hustle. And, um, to answer your question, the, the daily feeling I had was this just internal battle. The, the, this emotional struggle of I need to do this, but I'm not doing it. So yeah, emotional turmoil. And, um, even though despite that feeling, I kept taking those baby steps in the direction of building my side hustle even more and investing into mentorship. And over time, you know, it, it did become real for me. And then eventually I did leave. But during the side hustle days, it was, um, it was difficult. Emotionally. Now I have a sense of just freedom, emotional freedom that, wow, I'm fully all in, this is what I'm doing. And now in hindsight when I reflect back, all I lost was time. That was it. It has nothing to do with money or identity or anything like that. For me, it was just, wow, I could have gone so much further, so much faster had I just went all in because now I have time and then you just give it all you've got. Hmm. So that's pretty much it. It was just this sacrifice of time. So basic, basically, if you could change something. It would be going back in time and doing it like faster, actually a hundred percent. Because I think I had, again, the fear of money and can I actually do this? So I guess I was lacking self-trust a little bit. But now when I look back, none of that noise and, and that mental clutter even mattered. It was just, oh, I have a open schedule now. So now with that white space, I can actually do more and I can record a podcast and I can outreach to clients and I can post on social media. That was pretty much all I lost. Fantastic. So then you realized basically, okay, this was all mind clutter. Actually, none of these really matter. And if I could change something, I would just do what I wanted to do quicker. Yes. But at the same time, I think it's normal, right? To have these fears and mental chatter and the self-doubt. It's, it's part of the process and it will always appear. More or less, but I think it appears for everybody. I don't think I know a person that said, you know what? I'm gonna change my career completely. And they just do it from one day to the other. No questions. We will always have those fears. We will always have that self-doubt. But then the idea is, okay, we feel the fear and we do it anyways. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So what do you think explains this shift in your inner landscape? The, the way you felt back then and the way you feel now? What has changed shifted? Yeah. Well, I just wanna say thank you first of all for normalizing my fears. And um, I do just wanna say for your audience as well, I do think it was a part of my journey. I think it happened for a reason, right? Otherwise it would've been different. I now, in hindsight, I can look at it strategically and say I could have left much earlier. However, I think I needed to go through that process because now when I make decisions, it's much more. Quickly, and it's much more intuitive. I'm not wasting years. I don't wanna say waste, I'm not sitting in it for years and then making a decision because I felt that pain because I went through that process. So it did actually serve me. So I just wanna offer that as well to your audience if there may be struggling with that right now, in terms of the inner landscape, what changed was me going full-time was me re-identifying as I'm a coach, this is serious. This is not some side hobby that I've played it off for years, like I'm actually making money. I surpassed my tech salary in one year and then some. And so I was like, okay, this is not, this is not like a cutey little side hustle business anymore. Like this is a legit. Business that we need to take seriously. And so once I left my corporate job and went all in, I just, I haven't looked back since. And that was the huge shift in the inner landscape. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think there's challenges on both sides, right? You've probably shared this message, choose your heart. So it's probably hard to be in corporate and there's also hard being a coach now. So I'm curious about what was your heart back then in a corporate tech job, and what is your heart now as a woman's mindset coach? Yeah, a really good question. My heart was the illusion that I believed of safety and comfort and all, you know, they call it the golden handcuffs, right? So you have this really sexy, comfortable salary. You get it every two weeks, very stable. You have perhaps health insurance and benefits, and I had a 401k match and I had unlimited PTO. Like it's very sexy and enticing, but it's, for me, it was an illusion in terms of safe and and risk averse because I was, it was costing my, my own joy. It was costing my health. It was costing my intuition. So when people say, what about the risk involved? I'm like, but there's risk also later on down the road because now I'm going to be stuck wondering, what if I went all in and I'm going to be wondering about how much could I have done? Like, what's my potential? I never met it. I never even tried. There's risk in that too. And so choose your hard to your question or also choose your risk. Mm-hmm. Is, is it now risky or is it going to be risky later? And that was a really. Powerful question I had to ask myself and, and sit with and meditate on. But I was like, you know what? At the end of the day, I would be much more proud of myself to say that I at least tried, and I went for it. Even if I fall flat on my face and I quote, unquote, fail, at least I tried because a lot of people are too afraid to even try. And so that just gave me just so much confidence and, and this deep knowing of like, let's just go for it, see what happens because it feels so good. It lights me up. And then worst case, all right, we'll we'll just go back to the nine to five. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And I think the way you phrase it, it's a way that takes away also the pressure. You know, okay, let's give it a try. Let's go all in. You know that you gave mm-hmm. Your all, and then you have nothing to, you know, nothing to regret. You tried. And worst case scenario, you go back to the job you had or a similar job. Like, it's always gonna be there. You know, once you've, you've done your studies, you have a couple of years of experience, it's fine. Like, you just find another job that's like the easy bit, but then totally you following your intuition, following your soul, following what truly, truly lights you up. That's something you need to try. Yeah. And unless you try, you'll never know what you're really, really made of. Yeah. Fantastic. Well, yeah, and to add something to that too, I, I listened to a podcast with Alex Hermo, if you're familiar. He was on the diary of A CEO, Steven Bartlett, and he had talked about something that I've never thought of because that made sense in my head. I'll just go back to the nine to five, right. That's my safety. Net my, my landing, if you will. But he said, how much have you actually grown now in the pursuit of building a business and as an entrepreneur and working on your money mindset and the confidence that you're building now you, if you have to go back to nine to five, like, wow, people wanna hire you because look at how much you've grown. Right? So who knows what level you would be employed at in, in terms of, you know, pay and, and a title, whatever. Not that that matters, but you have grown so much as an individual that anybody would be stupid not to hire you. And when he said that, I was like, oh my gosh. Even more reason to do this. Absolutely. Absolutely. I like, I like this idea. Yeah. And I have a deep question for you. You've gone through this transition, you've made this massive shift in your life. Long gather shift, which you talk about in your own work and your own programs, but how do you define your own purpose in this lifetime? Yeah. Where do I start? Just a question, just a guide question. I know. No, it's such a, it's a good, meaningful one too. I, I guess two parts. My, my purpose before a baby was, I would say women as a collective moving the needle forward. So I grew up with a mom who is, she was born in Germany. German was her first language. She did not know English when she came to America when she married my dad. So let's call her a first generation American German citizen here. Um, I just saw a lot of her hardship when she came here and tried to adapt to. Us society and norms and expectations that were put on women. And I just saw her struggle with that, you know, mentally, but also her confidence was shot because of her speech. And still to this day, uh, doesn't like her accent. I'm like, that's the best thing about you. But anyways, I just saw her, um, really struggle with that, her insecurity. And I think as a young girl seeing that and witnessing that, it, it was just implanted in me of helping other women really live boldly and embody their gifts and what makes them unique. Like, like, celebrate that, right? Mm-hmm. And so I think I'm so passionate about just helping women in general. Then move the needle forward in society. Right. Really like a movement. That, that's my, my big purpose and my goal post baby. It's, it's for her. I think if I ever have, of course, additional fears, limitations, insecurities that pop up, I always think of her now and I think, what would I want to share with her? What would I want to teach her? Right? Because she's looking at me 24 7 and she's going to model my behavior and Right, she's building her subconscious right now. No pressure, pressure, but, but I really do think of her now. So before it was women as a collective and my mom being the, the root of that inspiration. But now it's even more so from my little girl, from my daughter and helping her. Grow up as best as she can with confidence already with self-trust, already knowing what intuition is, knowing how to meditate, know, like all of that stuff from a very young age. So long-winded answer, but yeah. So beautiful. So beautiful. But it's beautiful because then in the beginning you started doing this for this female figure in your life, and now you're doing this for this little female figure in your life. Yeah, totally. And in the middle of that, there's so many other women who are benefiting from your work, your wisdom, your, the shifts that you're able to create in people, the businesses that you support. But it's so beautiful how it's all rooted in women, women uplifting women, and women growing together. Your purpose shifted, but in a sense remains the same. Mm-hmm. It seems. What would you say, do you think it's evolved? Do you think it's shifted? Do you think it got stronger? So what happened with, you had a purpose, you had a certain business. What happened with motherhood? What did motherhood do? In your life, your business, your sense of self, your purpose. It's a very open-end question, but I'm curious. So yeah, what happened when your baby Amalia got into your life? Yeah. Well, you already said it. My purpose got so much stronger. I knew deep down years ago when I even started coaching that this was it. It lit me up. I had a fire in my belly. Like all of the emotional and energy and intuition pieces were there fully aligned. But I think before Amalia, it was much more, let's say, in a masculine sense in terms of let's build a business and we have to hit a hundred K, and then I hit a hundred K and it's like, okay, we have to hit 200 K. It was kind of like a little bit on a hamster wheel. Now, in hindsight, I can say that because I was just working so hard to build this business. When Amalia came into the picture, it. Grounded me more, and it rooted me more into the bigger vision. So the purpose was there, but it got stronger in terms of why am I even building a business in the first place? Mm-hmm. Right? Whether it's a hundred K, whether it's 500 K, whether it's a million, right. What is it all for? And so what she, I guess, reminded me of, but again, made Stronger, was my North Star. So a business is just a vehicle for me to spread my message, to have my positive impact, to move the needle forward for other women, big or small. And so she just, I don't know, she changed my perspective a little bit on that. She, she made me get out of the hamster wheel, hyper-masculine approach to building a business, and now lean heavily more into the feminine side. A building a business and not be so rushed and trust the timing of it all. And Oprah has a great quote. She's like, you can have it all, but not all. Not all at the same time. And I'm like, Ooh, there might be a season right now of being with my daughter. You know, she's almost 10 months old. And so it's like I'm maintaining my business and I'm so grateful to have built the business that I have today so that I can have this time with her. But I also know it's not forever. And so I really wanna be with her and as present as possible while still growing the business, but in a much, how do I explain it in a much more, it feels much more ease and effortless. Like now here I'm on your podcast. I have one other call today, and that's it, right? Everything else is white space. Mm. And so it, it's much more leading with like my energy of do I wanna work more or do I wanna hang out with her more today? Like, what, what is my capacity for the day? If I don't get everything done, then that's okay too. I trust that it'll still be there and I can work on it tomorrow or next week, or whatever it is. Yes. It's allowing to have more flow, go with a lot more ease instead of just like totally actually pushing, pushing, pushing with the child. I think even with pregnancy, you know, the pregnancy, the body's changing. So many things are happening and then the child is there. So many things are changing. The baby needs you, especially in the beginning a lot. So it's like, okay, allowing everything, both the baby and the business just go mm-hmm. Evolve and let everything be like a little bit more fluid, more mm-hmm. More pottery instead of so solid and and rigid sometimes. Mm-hmm. Totally. So how do you juggle between these two things that are very important for you, your purpose, your business, and your baby? How, yeah, how do you, do you do it all? You've talked about this fluidity between things. Mm-hmm. But how, how do you do it? Well, if I'm, if I'm being honest, we're still figuring it out. I don't have, I don't have a perfect process or system, and I don't think I ever will be. And I think there's finding comfort and safety within that. Right? Within the unknown, within the ever-changing seasons and chapters. Because, funny story, when I was pregnant, when I first found out I was pregnant, which was last March, I went into. Again, like go mode, hyper masculine mode of setting myself up and my business up for maternity leave because I was like, oh, we don't get maternity leave over here. We have to build it out ourselves if we want something like that. So I'm very happy to say I was able to build out a four month maternity leave, but that is all that I had in my mind. I was like, okay, once I have a maternity leave, I'm good after four months and everything will go back to normal ha ha jokes on me because month four came around and I was like, now what? You know, what do I do now? And um, it was crazy. Like this realization hit me. I was like, I have a tiny human that I have to watch for the rest of my life. So that's cool. Yeah, I don't know, just reality hit me after four months of like, oh, okay, I have to go back and record podcast episodes and okay, I have to make sure I keep one-on-one clients and renew them. Or if not outreach to get more clients and, oh, I still have my programs that I need to launch and right, like the work is still there. And so for me that was, that was hard because I always say my business was my firstborn. So before Amalia, I always told everyone that my business is my child and I'm very proud of the blood, sweat, and tears that I've poured into it. But there is a moment where I had to realize, now Amalia is my child, and I do have to let go. Like emotionally, I have to let go of my other child, which is my business, and that doesn't mean retire my business or quit my business. Does mean I need to have some space from it because most of my time now is consumed with Amalia. And so that was really hard for me. I, I think I mourned that a little bit and there was a grieving period and, um, I don't talk about that a lot because I just, I didn't know what was happening until now, after the fact. I can verbalize it and articulate it, but yeah, that was hard. And then that also obviously translated into my marriage in terms of. You know, I have to sacrifice more as a mom. And I always thought that was almost like, not to sound insensitive, but I thought it was almost a choice. Or like women just decided like, oh, I'm gonna take care of the baby more and I'm going to quit my business or quit my job and I'm gonna be a stay at home mom. And I was like, I would never do that. That is not me. And now becoming a mom, I'm like biologically. And I'm also choosing to breastfeed biologically. My child wants me more right now, and therefore, as the mom, I unfortunately have to sacrifice more than my husband because that, that's just how it is in terms of raising a child. Now, granted, this is my experience. There are other moms who don't, and they hire help, or they have family nearby and family helps them. So there are absolutely other ways to go about this. For me, we chose not, I mean, we hire sometimes, but more so for like date nights and stuff. It's not more so to watch her because I'm here, I'm home and, and so is he. But yeah, it's finding this, this balance, if you will, of managing work, managing expectations, managing roles in the household. When am I a mom? When is he a dad? And really communicating the sacrifice so that he also knows, he sees it, but also just emotionally, how am I feeling? Right? I need to be able to communicate that to him because he's not a woman, he doesn't know what I'm feeling. So there's a lot, and I'm sure we could touch on that more, so please ask me more questions on that. But it's, I'm still in it. I'm in the trenches again, 10 month old. And I know she's gonna go to school one day and I'll have my schedule back, I'm sure. And then I'm probably gonna mourn this time when she was home all day, every day. Right there, there's always that battle. But um, yeah, that's what I'm in right now. Hmm. She's still super young, you know, 10 months is, it's nothing. Exactly. She's, she's still a baby. She's got a lot, but she's still technically a baby. And I think it's normal that she needs more. Her mom now, and probably, who knows, maybe next year she's more in a dad phase and she wants to be with dad all the time. I've seen some children that go from like mom period and then that period, and maybe then your husband will have to be there and be more, more and more present. Yeah. And I think it's also a choice. This is so different for every woman. So it's, it, it's a choice. And also it's not a choice, but some women, for example, decide to breastfeed. Some women decide not to breastfeed. Some women who wanted to breastfeed, but they can't because. There's not enough milk or whatever. So it's very personal for every woman, for every couple. And I think we get to decide, okay, what's actually, what's actually important for us? And recently I heard this metaphor and I loved it. Some person on Instagram was talking, she's an astronaut. I don't know if you follow her. She's like, Kaylee something. She's an astronaut American Super Bowl. Mm-hmm. And basically she was talking about the fact that some balls in our life we're jack different balls, right? Mm-hmm. But she was saying some of those balls are made of crystal and some of those balls are made of plastic. So some of those balls we need to be extremely careful with.'cause they fall and they break. And some of those balls like, I don't know how tight is, or home or whatever, something, some parts of our business, it's plastic. Like you can, okay, you let it bounce a little bit, you let you put it on pause a little bit. It, it's just gonna stay there. It's gonna bounce back and it's gonna be. But we need to take care of the crystal balls. Mm-hmm. And I think having, having a little girl who's only 10 months sounds like a crystal ball to me. Yeah, a hundred percent agree. And that's a really good analogy. So thank you for sharing that. To your point, it, it's almost like prioritizing the crystal ball versus the plastic and letting the plastic ball kind of fall to the wayside and understand it's not that important. And that's exactly why I chose to breastfeed and I am choosing to spend more of my time with her, hence why I'm, I'm mourning my business a little bit, but that is a choice, right? Because I, I think my fear is I don't want her to get older or me, you know, making all the money and then reflecting on this time and being like, wow, I really wasn't present. Or, I wish I did spend more time with her. I wish I did give her more attention because it's so temporary. She's growing every single day. So I think that was a decision that I made. Also, there are growing pains in that. Right. So I, I, exactly. Exactly. I think there would be a cost with any decision, but that's what I am willing to deal with and, and sacrifice. Yeah. And I think it's, it's a balance. Every woman finds the balance that suits her. Some women decide, yes, for example, they have a career. Some women are like, no, I'm going back to my career. Like, I just need this baby with a nanny. Mm-hmm. And they prioritize their career and that's aligned with their values, I hope, consciously. Mm-hmm. Sometimes unconsciously, but then I think it's up to every woman to find her balance. But thank you so much for, for sharing this part and for saying, you know what, it's, it's not easy because sometimes you prioritize this new baby and then other things that are equally very important for you because it's not Yeah. Just a job, you know, it's your baby, it's your business, it's your purpose. And then other things that are equally important for you. Sometimes they're gonna be okay. We're still doing them, but not at the same pace as before or not with the same whatever intensity as before and, yeah. Yeah, I can imagine that it's hard. I mean, we put so much love, so much passion, so much care into our businesses. It's ne it can never compare to a job because this is like mm-hmm. Your, your hours, your creativity, the issues that you've overcome, the challenges that you've overcome. It's just like, it's a, it's a different thing. So we put so much into it. We water this thing for so long and then something else comes along. But it's also important or even more important and, and it's hard to, yeah, change the way we've been doing things until now. Yeah. Well, yes to everything you said. Two other things came up for me as you were talking. One, I also just need to note and mention that there is a lot of privilege in my situation to even choose to be home with my daughter while still maintaining my business and making money. There are so many moms I know that they have to go back to work after a standard maternity leave, and I think it's three months here in the us. That's pretty standard. Hmm. Which is crazy. Now that I'm on the other side of it, I'm like three months. Like I was just recovering after three months. Right. So, I don't know. And I give them so much respect for the women who do need to go to offices or commute or, you know, they just don't have the freedom to choose. At the same time, I am so grateful to my past self and it puts more fire in my belly to shout it from the rooftops. Why women should build their own business and build something out for them. Not that it's easy, and I get it. It's hard. Hello. It's been 10 years over here after my side hustle days. But the fact that I can sit here at home, have dream soul clients meet with them weekly, some biweekly make money to sustain my lifestyle, like that was all built by me to put myself in a situation like this where I do have freedom, where I do have the choice, where I do have the means to stay at home with my daughter. So if anything, I just hope someone listening to this, it inspires them to even want this more because of the choice of the freedom that you do gain from building a business. And maybe if it's not even building a business, but something that is aligned truly with your soul. Right. Because otherwise you're gonna be stressed. And that also is brought down to her as well. She sees that. She feels it energetically. Absolutely. And I think, well, many of us, when we build a business, we want freedom. Right. It's a, it's a main value for many of us. Yeah. That we share. And I think actually that freedom is, I can do whatever I want to do when I want to do it with whomever I want to do it. That's freedom. And I think maybe in our twenties or early thirties, or whenever we become a mom, that means, okay, fantastic. Now I can go to Bali, now I can do this trip. Now I can visit my parents. And then at some point you become a mom. And what you want to do with that freedom is actually just be with your child and be happy with your child, take care of your child. So it's the same freedom that mm-hmm. We've all, we've built this business for the freedom, for the impact, but now with that freedom we do to completely different things. And Yeah. And it's also beautiful that you know that having a business can support. Those choices. Exactly. Maybe at some point it was the fantastic trips around the world at some point is spending more time with your babies being in the office, knowing that they're right there and you can be with them in a second. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And maybe at some point it's going to be something else, but it's the same freedom. Yeah. We just use it in different ways. Yeah, a hundred percent. That was always the goal from day one is building a freedom based business completely on my terms. And, um, when I got pregnant, that really forced me to revisit my business and think, how can this business work for me? Because my deepest fear was always thinking I needed to sacrifice my business completely in order to become a mom versus doing both. Hmm. So basically instead of, or replacing the word with, and I get to have both, but in that belief shift, how do we now build a business that supports that type of lifestyle? Being a mom. And a coach. And so during my entire pregnancy, I really revisited my systems and my schedule and my offers and Right. So specific example, my one-on-one clients, I used to always do six months, and then it was, for the first time ever, I was like, how about a year? Right? Because they gave me some more time versus after having my daughter four months mat leave and now two months later, I have to kind of scramble and see if they wanna stay, right? I didn't want that. And so I, I built it out to a year or instead of every week, let's do biweekly calls, right? Yeah. It, it's some of those changes that I had to make to sustain a lifestyle that I dreamt of and that I believed was possible for me. So again, the belief shift was so huge, but then also. Putting things in place, having those conversations, feeling the fear and do it anyways of like, oh my gosh, this, I've never had a business like this, but I had to believe and essentially brainwash myself that this is possible. I can do this, and I did it. Hmm, hmm. Absolutely. Absolutely. So what advice would you give to a woman who's listening and she wants to do both. She wants to have her own business and she wants to be a mom at the same time. Yeah. What would you advise? Well, number one, what I just said is the mindset around it. You have to believe that it is possible. You can be a mom and own a business. That word and was so powerful for me, right? So once you believe that it's possible, now that action will follow. And so you do need to look at your schedule. I live by my calendar. I had to look at my schedule and now think what would feel good for me. To have a business, number one, when my time is not as available anymore. Number two, what is the value exchange for me and my clients, because I want them, of course, to be taken care of and, and build and grow and transform, change certain things in the business to help support that new belief. So, like I said, I craved more white space, so I offered biweekly calls instead of weekly. I still offer unlimited voice notes and texting in between, and that worked for my clients. I'm happy to say I have seven today. I have seven, one-on-one clients. Hmm. And they are all renewals from before my pregnancy. So I've been with them now for, oh my gosh, two years. Some even three. Right. And if you're listening, I'm so grateful for you. I love you. But, but that, yeah, we love you. But that was the, the name of it, right? Of, of like, okay, here's the belief and then now let's change the schedule to support that belief and to actually make it happen. And so my one-on-one clients are just a godsend, and they have given me the, the maintenance and the business that I needed. And it also gives me the bandwidth because if they're on for a year, that money's coming in, they're contracted in for a year. Now I get to brainstorm other offers. Or if I wanna launch the big shift or she EO, i, I just have time and, and energetically it feels so much better. Going back to the flow conversation. It doesn't feel forced. It doesn't feel rushed, it doesn't feel I need this money, right? It feels much more relaxed, right? So. Yeah, it just has changed how I operate my business. So I guess to answer your question, first, the belief shift is number one. And then outside of that, you really have to brainstorm, okay, what feels good for me? What type of business would feel good for me? And then you just make it happen. Absolutely. Make the changes in the business. You're not gonna be able to make so many changes in the baby, but you can make changes in the business. The baby runs my life now. She calls the shots. She's the queen now. Yeah, she's the queen. Exactly. Does. So let's talk about Tony Robbins. Now, I know that Tony Robbins, the events that you went back in the days, I can't remember which year you went, but it was back in the days. It really changed your life. It's like one Kaia before this event and then another Kaia after the event. And you always. Mention this event as part of your story. Mm-hmm. So I just went to sit Tony Robinson, Germany, in your home country, and it was fantastic. The energy was fantastic. And what I love is that you're putting everything on the body. On the body, on the body. But I'm curious about what did it shift specifically in you? What were your main, main ideas that you took from it in transformation that you saw? What happened in that event for you? Yeah, yeah. Anyone listening get comfortable because this might take a minute. So yeah, it was, gosh, I think, I think 10 years ago, I was 34 now and I was 24 when I went. So 10 years ago, and I was a baby at that time. Uh, I didn't know anything about personal development, so I had always followed the rules, went to school. I just picked a major because I needed to pick a major. I didn't really know why. I got a job. It was all just about money and climbing the corporate ladder, kind of like no direction in life, right? Feeling lost, feeling confused, kind of just making a decision outta fear, not really having any mentorship or guidance in that. So safety was the North Star, right? Comfort, risk averse money was what I was looking for. And then I go to Tony Robbins and it was the first time where one, if I can remember correctly, I think it was day one, and he might have done the same thing here for you, but he got on the stage around like 2:00 PM in the afternoon and that was day one. And then he stayed on stage and he danced and you know, all the crazy things he does till about two in the morning. The guy did not like leave the auditorium. There were 10,000 people there at the one I went to. He did not leave ever. Like no pee break, no snack, break, nothing. He was there. 2:00 PM to 2:00 AM and just seeing that type of, I guess, behavior and energy in a human, I was like, wow, I have so many excuses with my own health and exercise and energy and all that stuff. So just in that alone, I was like, wow. He really felt super human to me in terms of how he showed up on that first day. Right. So it gave me the feeling that I could do that too. Hmm. And then I think with all the dancing and like talking to straight, and I think we had a massage each other's backs and Lemme tell you. Yeah, please. You're hugging people, you're high fiving. Yes. Every time you do something, you're dancing, you're interacting a lot with people. And then at some point, I think it's around day three, I think they want you to get like closer to people. So they want you to release oxytocin. So basically they tell you. Now you pick two partners and you're gonna do like this four hand massage to one. So basically you put one person in the middle and then two other people are massaging you. And it's like, oh my God, it's so good. So that's what that you're like, don't stop, keep going, keep going. This I was, I was bored for this. So basically, yeah, 13. Yeah, we were 13,000 people in groups of three. Everybody getting like double massage all over the stadium. So yeah, that's the gist of, oh my gosh, amazing. That was the highlight, the, the massage. Um, but, but look at that even like 13,000 for you in Germany. Like that's wild. And mine was 10,000. Like just that alone, the energy of all those humans right in, in one space. It, it's just electric. And I think that was the biggest thing for me was the energy. But then also on a deeper level, um, I mean he gave you a workbook I'm sure unleashed the power within where it did ask questions. You know, what are your limiting beliefs and insecurities and what do you wish you had? And all those more introspective type questions. And again, I've never ever asked myself those questions at 24 back when I went. And so I think that alone was just so releasing for me and so healing for me. And then we had a partner with a stranger and actually tell them like, Hey, for me at the time, it was my body image insecurity, right? I hate my height or, um, tennis was outta my life. I played tennis in high school and college and that was really big for me. And then now it was a get a real job, you know, go to corporate. And so that was really. Healing for me as well. So it was kind of like, I just put it all out there and I wa it was received, it wasn't judged, it wasn't so scary as I had thought in my head. And so I went into that experience as one version of myself. I walked out as another version, I always say the Katya 1.0 and the Katya 2.0 and, um, yeah, the, the Katya 2.0. Just for context, I, I think I led with a little bit more for sure, self-love, self-acceptance of who I am, my story, everything up until that point. And therefore I was able to make decisions from more of faith and, and a higher energy, whatever you subscribe to. Versus fear versus insecurity versus what if I fail or what if, right. We always paint the what if, worst case scenario, uh, picture. So it was just much more of like a grounded, I know who I am, I've healed, come at me, you know, like I'm the world is my oyster kind of mindset. Mm-hmm. And, um. Because of that. Yeah, I, I mean, I was able to move to Chicago from LA not knowing anyone, and then Chicago became my playground and I was able to re-identify. That's where my side hustle was born and started. I went to events alone. I went up to strangers and introduced myself. I showed up online. I joined a fitness community. I lost 15 pounds. Like things just started happening. It was like a domino effect and um, it was just so beautiful to see that over the years and then now of course, coaching and everything that I do today. This is not to sell you on Tony Robbins or the seminar, but it is to highlight That was my introduction to. The personal development world and what I do today and now 10 years later, I think it just shows you how significant that event was for me. I'd be curious to hear about you too, because at that time I was brand new to all of this. Mm. But you obviously, this is your work already, so I don't know if it was as crazy and expansive for you. So I think, first of all, I think you were so lucky to do this at 24 because then it's like, okay, one pivotal moment at 24, and then the whole trajectory of your life changed. Totally. Have you ever thought, what would've happened if I wouldn't have gone to this event? Where would I be 10 years down the line? You know, I don't even wanna think about it. I'm glad that we, I don't wanna think about it. I'm glad that we're on this timeline that you went to The event that we're meeting. Yes, yes, totally. Yeah. Yeah. For me it was, for me, it was, yes to me. I've, I think since I was a teenager, I've always been into self-development, psychology. I actually hesitated when I was 18. I hesitated between starting business and psychology because I've just always been so thirsty for everything that it's first the human mind, now, the human soul. But it's always been in my mind, in my heart. So I started reading and then, yeah, I think it got quite intense, I would say since, since my 27 years old. I'm also 34 now, so since my 27 years old until now, it got very, very, very intense with spirituality and yoga, meditation and all sorts of spiritual things and coaching and everything. So I am quite well versed in the topic as you are now. Mm-hmm. So I think for me, in terms of the ideas, the messages that he shared, none of them were massively groundbreaking. So limiting beliefs, I work, my clients work with limiting beliefs. I work with limiting beliefs. Some of the ideas weren't so crazy. For me, what truly shifted, there were some concepts that were interested. I'm taking home and I'm applying those things, but I'm quite well versed in the coaching space. So it wasn't so groundbreaking for me in the theory. Now, what I did take home is the body because mm-hmm. I, what he, the way he teaches is basically one idea, one message, and then back to the body, one idea back to the body. And I think up until now I've been maybe quite intellectual about change or quite spiritual about change. But if I really, really, really think about it, the big, big shifts that I've done in my life, mm-hmm. It's been through static dance, through moving my body through understanding certain things, certain emotions, processing things in the body. And of course we hear about nervous system regulation and all of these. Topics. Yes, the firewalk, because I remember you had to say, cool moss. Before you walked over and you really had to visualize yourself and feel the power to your point in the body, feel the strength to walk across the fire. And I think there were some people that got burned in my yours. Yes. Yeah. I, I don't wanna say bad, but people were complaining about it. They're like, oh my gosh, like I have burns on the bottom of my foot and I had nothing. I was like, oh, it's your mindset. You need to work on that. But yeah, it was, it was, we were intent, we were going sorry to, we were going to the firework. I was like, I'm doing this thing and I'm gonna do it. I don't know if I trust me doing this thing, but I'm gonna trust the methodology that it's going to allow 13,000 people to do this. So I basically, I trust the best product. And I was like doing my yes, yes, yes. In all the condition in that you need to. In order to do this. I was like, yes, yes. He was like, really focused, really there, you know, I was like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna do the method the very best. Let's see what happens. And basically then I found some Spanish, Spanish guys. There were like other phones chatting, and I was like, guys, like, you're not, I didn't say anything, so I was like, I'm just gonna go far away from these people. I need to be focused on my thing. I'm about to fire. Like, we're not playing here. There were people on their phones, like, not necessarily, necessarily in a high state. So then of course if you're, if you're in your phone, you're, you wasting your energy actually, then maybe something can happen. But in my case, same as you, I didn't feel anything. I didn't even feel, feel like the hot sensation. I just felt like I was walking on, on earth. I had nothing on my feet. Everything was. Just just my pure, my, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Same exact experience. And I know exactly the, the people that you just talked about in terms of them not really paying attention or not really giving it their all and on their phones. I also had a distance myself from people that I was around of like, no, they're not going to ruin my experience. I need to separate myself. So that's good that you did that because I think you get more out of the experience that way, for sure. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. And also for me, one of the key things here, at some point he talks about, um, two core fears that everybody has. And he was saying one of those fears is not enough. And the other fear is that because we're not enough, we might not be loved. And to me that it was, I was very deep, but also gave me compassion with myself, with other people. But everybody has those two fears that maybe we're not enough, that maybe we're not gonna be loved. And I wanted to ask you, because in your programs, especially in the big shift, you've talked a lot about confidence, and I'm curious with your journey and how you've built up the confidence, what advice would you give to a woman who sometimes has, you know, this leading beliefs that I'm not enough, I might not be loved, who feels insecure, doubts herself, herself. What advice would you give for a woman who wants to develop her confidence? Yeah, that's a good question. Uh, two part answer for you. One is more so the energy around it. So I always tell my clients, give yourself some grace and compassion for even feeling this way, right? We don't want to judge ourselves. We don't wanna be hard with ourselves. I always think of like my inner child or, you know, if I had a younger sister, how would I talk to her about this type of sensitive subject? So, so that's the energy around it. I think secondly and more strategically, a lot of us don't feel good enough because we picked it up somewhere along the way. Was this, you know, did someone say something to you at the playground? Or did your parents say something to you? Even if it was a joke, quote unquote or something, or multiple things along the way have reinforced this belief slash fear that you are not good enough. And so I talk to my clients and we essentially dissect where that actually came from. And more often than not, you understand or they understand it's actually someone's opinion, right? Just again, a parent's opinion or some bully or some insecure girl, whatever they said something. And it could be about how smart you are or the way you look, or the way you dress, or what you own or whatever. And they just say something stupid or they say something hurtful or they say something mean. And at such a young, ripe age that can absolutely hinder your confidence. And so you have to go back to those memories, to those experiences and understand like, oh, that's actually not true. That's not a s fact. It's not absolute truth. It's just their opinion, right? And when you understand that, now you get that power back because you get to disagree with that opinion. And once you disagree with that opinion, you can now form a new opinion and then support it with evidence and other results to really back that up, right? So it's a deeper belief now in your system. So per Tony Robbins, yes, we all have those very human level fears, but I do think there are, there's levels to it, right? So I can lessen my fear of not being good enough so that I can move forward, so that I can build a business so that I can feel the fear and do it anyways. If that feeling of not good enough and not being loved are not as big right in, in my mind and in my body, if I can lessen it, which is what I do with my clients, then you feel much more empowered to actually take the steps. And I love this idea of this was something that someone said, and it's an opinion. Now the thing is when we're age is zero to seven. Literally, for example. Mm-hmm. Where we're forming our subconscious mind. So that opinion became a truth in our subconscious. So now our, as all adults that we are, we need to say, okay, I disagree with that opinion and actually rewire because all is written in our subconscious mind. So then it's like rewiring the good thing, leading the cassette tape and recording a new cassette tape that is actually more in line with the things people do and that support our dreams. Dreams takes us forwards. Exactly. And, and most of the women that I have worked with to this day, we don't know one that it's possible, but two, that it's even there because like you said, it's our truth. It just feels like absolute fact. And so now when they just feel off or they don't have the job they want, or they're not making the money they want, or they don't love their body and they don't have this vibrant health that they're looking for, it's like, well, what is it? What is getting in the way? It's like, oh, this belief that was, you know, set in stone when I was seven years old, had no idea. I actually now feel that I am not enough and I won't be loved. Hence why I don't go for the big job. I don't go for the big title. I don't go for the business that I wanna build. I don't stay consistent with my health. But that's never the conversation, right? It's always like, no, just join this program and, and this fat loss plan, or they'll get another job. It's like, no, no, no. We need to go deeper and peel back the layers of you as a human. And redefine how you view yourself. I think even more so,'cause you mentioned my daughter and she's building her subconscious zero to seven, which again, no pressure that season on me. But, um, it really is how I am, how I carry myself, who I am, how I talk, how I speak to myself, how I speak to my husband, what my, how do I treat other, what is my day-to-day habits and patterns that is already teaching her without even me saying anything. And so it's really working on still. So that just by me being me, she gets to pick that up as well. Hopefully more of the positive than the negative. But, um, that's what I'm being really mindful about these days. Yes. And then the things that you're doing now will become what is normal for her. It's normal for women to be this way. It's normal for women to have a business and have children. It's normal. All of these things you to have a relaxed mind. With a regulated sistance, it's normal for a partner to behave for a couple to behave in this way. It's normal. Store a man to treat me in this way. It's almost for a woman to treat with so many things, but I think she's very lucky to have you as a mom who shaping, who's shaping her huge mind with lots of love, with lots of confidence, with lots of self-worth, with lots of empowerment as a woman. Woman. So she's very lucky to love you as a mom. Thank you so much. The whole time you were talking about how it's going to be her normal, I got so excited because it's true. I was just talking to my husband about it. He's like, had I known what I know today back then? Right. I would've done so many things differently. Not from a regretful place, but just, you know, so much. Right. And I was telling him about what I wanna teach Amalia my daughter. And he was like, yeah, I just hope though, like she understands and I just hope that it really resonates with her because she doesn't know any different. And I'm like, but that's the beauty of it, because that will be her norm. That will be her reality. She won't even know, like for example, me, my body image insecurities, she'll, she'll look at her body as a means of health and vitality and energy not as fed and skinny. You know what I mean? So. I just got really excited about that. Yes, yes. She's very lucky to have you in this version, your partner in this version. And then for her, all of these things, you know, self-worth confidence and inclusive whole, all of these things are just gonna be her normal. So thank you. I appreciate that. Yes, generations. Yay. Thank you so much, Kaia, for bringing all of your wisdom, for being vulnerable with us and for really sharing your truth with the fantastic parts that you've already mastered and the parts that you are going to master at some wins soon, I'm sure. So thank you so much for being so honest, so vulnerable. It's been a true joy. Every time we talk, it's a true joy. So where can the centers find you online if they want to learn from you, take a look into your programs. Yeah. Um, Instagram is the best at Kaia dot Lillian. You can DM me or you can just take a look at my. Content or the link in my bio goes to everything that I have. My group programs, one-on-one, my podcast. You can find everything there. So the best way would be Instagram. Fantastic. So we're gonna put your Instagram in the show notes, so everything's gonna be super easy to find. And then I love finishing every episode with three rapid fire questions. Rapid fire questions. So are you ready? Are you ready? I'm nervous, yes. When was the last time you felt bliss? Can I say right now? Yeah. On this podcast. Honestly, right now, I, I just feel like this conversation with a very like-minded individual who is doing the same thing in her space, having these conversations, talking about my daughter, me being honest, not pretending or having a mask on, like it's just me, being me is my bliss. So I would say right now. Oh, thank you so much. So thank you so much. I'm gonna get emotional stop one that fundamentally changed your life. So many, but the first one that's coming up for me, your past does not equal your future. So we can reinvent and we can change what we want, who we want to be, what we go after, literally at any point in time. And that gives me so much freedom and so much excitement for what I wanna create. Absolutely. And if you could choose one rule that everybody in the world needs to obey, what wouldn't be? I don't know if it's a rule, but it's coming up for me to live in the land of, in your mind, of what if. Best case scenario, meaning anything you wanna do or try or overcome or travel to or whatever the thing is in the future, believe and trust in the what if. Best case scenario, and I promise you. It'll come true. That would be fantastic. That would be a fantastic world. Imagine a world would teach everybody's thinking. Best case scenario, there would be so many more couples, so many more marriages, so many more pregnancies, so many more new businesses. So much more new things. New things. So much, so many more. I would say happy people because we get joy from growth. We are wired to grow and I think a lot of us stay stuck and don't grow and then we decline because we're afraid and we make that fear up in our head with the alternative, what if worst case scenario. And so I think it would just give people much more hope and empowerment and excitement to just try more shit and they would feel happy about it because they at least tried. Absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you so much, Kaia, for your wisdom, for your beautiful presence. It's been a true joy having you. Thank you so much. Likewise. Thank you for having me. Fantastic. I will see my listeners in the next episode next week, and in the meantime, in opia, we trust if you love this episode, spread the word, share the episode with a friend who would love to hear this. Subscribe to the show and leave a five star rating. On Spotify, apple Podcast or YouTube. This real quick action on your side helps the podcast grow, reach more women around the world, and it would literally make my day. I will see you next Friday for the next episode, and in the meantime, inop Opioid Trust.