Postpartum, Body Image & Confidence: An Honest Conversation

Today, rather than a solo recording or hearing me interview someone, I am actually getting interviewed. I was interviewed by my client Kayla Bowen on her new podcast "Where the Woo Meets the Work". 

Kayla Bowen is a Life Coach, Spiritual Entrepreneur, and Host of the Where the Woo Meets the Work Podcast. She helps high-achieving women break free from self-sabotage and procrastination, exit their perfectionist era, and finally take action on their big goals so that they can live the life they’ve been dreaming about. You can find her on Instagram at @heykaylabowen.

We discuss:

• Redefining confidence: why “quiet confidence” can be more powerful than loud.
• The external vs. internal shift: owning shyness/introversion instead of masking it.
• Body image to self-acceptance: tall-girl stories, shoe-size insecurity, and pregnancy/postpartum commentary.
• The biggest myth: confident people still feel fear— they just don’t let it stop them.
• Decision > readiness: there’s no “right/wrong,” make a move and course-correct.

and so much more!

Where to find Kayla:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heykaylabowen/

Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/where-the-woo-meets-the-work/id1837801896

Transcript

0:00

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Building Her podcast. I'm your host, Kati Lillian. If you've been loving this podcast, go ahead and rate the podcast five stars and DM me on Instagram when you do that, because I want to connect and personally thank you. If you are new here, hit that subscribe button. It really helps the podcast grow, and that way you'll never miss an episode. Today rather than a solo recording or hearing me interview someone, I am actually getting interviewed. I was interviewed by my client Kayla Bowen, on her new podcast where the Woo meets the work. It was such an incredible honor being invited onto her podcast because, well, I helped her launch it. She is a life coach and spiritual entrepreneur who is not just dreaming of a business but actually doing the things to make it happen. I'm so proud of her, and we had such a good conversation. We discuss redefining confidence, why quiet confidence can be more powerful than loud. The external versus internal shift owning shyness and introversion instead of masking it. Body image to self-acceptance. Tall girl stories, shoe size, insecurity, that one's embarrassing, but you're going to love it. And pregnancy, postpartum, the biggest myth, confident people still feel fear. They just don't let it stop them. I could go on and on and on, but there is so much more that is jam packed into this episode. So I will go ahead and shut up and we will dive in. Hey, my name is Kati Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. Hi, Katya. I'm so excited to have you on the show. Hi, Kayla. I am so, so, so excited to be here. I just have to say I'm like incredibly proud of you launching this podcast because I know I saw you before and in the brainstorming era and just all of the, the roadblocks that get in the way for all of us. And so to see you on the other side, it's just truly incredible. So I'm so proud of you and I'm so honored to be here. Thank you. Yes. It felt fitting to have you as my first guest since you helped me get here as my business coach. I'm just so excited to have you on, and one thing that you really helped me with during our six months of coaching was helping me build confidence and step into this new version of myself that could actually hold the space to. Put on a podcast. So I thought it would be great today to chat all about confidence, especially because you are the confidence queen. But I am sure, well, actually, I know from listening to your podcast and just talking with you that I know you weren't always this confident, so I was wondering if we could start by maybe you sharing a story about how you were before you were confident and what that was like for you, and how you kind of shifted into the confidence you have now. Yeah. Such a great first question. I guess I'll split this up into two parts. That's what's coming up for me. First, the external and the internal. The external. When I first started my personal development journey and started to build confidence, I thought I had to appear a certain way and act a certain way. So back in the day when I, the way I defined confidence was bold and loud, and. I don't know, like authoritative and just not giving a fuck. And I don't know, there was like this archetype of this female. Boss, powerhouse type woman. And while that can be true for some women, for me, I didn't identify as that. I was very shy. I was very quiet. I had some insecurities, and I just really stayed to myself like introverted, right? And because of that behavior, because of that personality, I didn't identify myself with. A confident woman, and it wasn't until I started doing more of the internal work and redefining what confidence looked like and meant for me, that's when I started to give myself permission to actually feel and become confident. And so what that looks like today is truly just owning who I am. Like I'm still shy, I am still quirky, I'm still introverted. And so what I've been able to do over the years is really just. Embody that side and, and love and accept that side of me and understand that that is confidence. To me, it's, it's more of like a quiet confidence, if you will, to make my answer even longer and to give your audience some perspective. The way I did that specifically is looking at what was confidence to me in terms of. The building blocks, right? Like a confident woman. How do I show up as her? I had to get crystal clear on what my opinions were of myself and of my business, and what success looks like to me, versus falling for everyone else's opinions, even of, you know, what a business should look like or what success should look like, or how I should appear to be successful. So I had to redefine a lot of. Words and terminology so that I could really stand in my truth and understand what my opinions were of myself versus just accepting everyone else's opinions. Yeah. I love that. I love that you specifically talk about how a quiet confidence can be like true confidence. And sometimes I think when I see someone who is the loudest person in the room, I actually don't equate that to confidence. Sometimes I think that they're maybe overcompensating and trying to act like they're the most confident, but deep down there's some insecurity. What do you think? Yeah. Absolutely. I, I think, I mean, good for you to not even equate that type of loud archetype to confidence.'cause I did for years. But I think to your point, absolutely. I actually view it as a weakness now because I think the person who is the loudest, and again, now I, I don't wanna demonize that either. Sometimes people that is a part of their personality and if that feels true to them, please like, be loud, own it. But if it's not and it feels like you're faking and pretending a little bit and putting on a show, well then I would ask you to turn inwards and reflect a little bit on what is the insecurity within me in order for me to actually act like this and put on this mask for people. So yeah, I absolutely agree. Definitely. And speaking of insecurity, in case my audience isn't familiar with you and your backstory, would you be comfortable just sharing some of the insecurities that you faced maybe like five years ago that you have hopefully overcome by now? I think, I mean, my personal development journey, for those that don't know me or my story, it really started with body image. So I'm a six foot girly, I say a tall queen now because I fully embraced it, but back then, uh, I didn't like it so much. I literally. Stood out of the crowd and, and towered over other girls and boys. I, I mean, I guess we're talking high school now, and so that came with unwanted attention. So think back to my personality and what was comfortable and familiar for me was being shy, being quiet, not wanting the spotlight. But again, I'm, I'm tall and so naturally I do cause attention and people do see me right away and whatever. And so I didn't want any of that attention from an early age, and so therefore I hated my height. And then also your girl grew hips and started developing, and I didn't like that either because it also came with lots of unwanted. Comments and opinions as we, unfortunately women do in our society. People just think that's okay to comment on our bodies. I don't know why. So yeah, at a very young age, I think that causes a lot of. Insecurity in the way we look. And that was true for my story. And what that developed as was just, again, not going for opportunities, not speaking up when I should have really feeling lost and, and no direction in my life. And kind of just going with the flow of things, right? Like if there was a job and they were hiring, I was applying. It doesn't matter what it is. I was just like, okay, here we go. And so that all changed for me when I discovered personal development, and I went to my Tony Robbins experience, unleash the power within. And while Tony Robbins is incredible, and the seminar is incredible now, 10 years later, in hindsight, it was so expansive for me because it was my introduction to personal development. And so then that. Put me on this path of self-discovery and self-education, meaning reading all the books, listening to all the podcasts, investing into my own mentorship, going to different conferences and wellness events, and really just being a sponge. And, um, now I can say I'm, I'm so far removed from that first version of Katya. However, there are still moments where. If I feel very vulnerable, especially when I was pregnant and my body was changing. That was interesting because a lot of. Limiting beliefs from back in the day came back up to the surface, especially if people commented on my body, whether they meant, well, I am sure people are very well intentioned, but maybe it didn't come off that way and I didn't internalize it that way. Right. So, um, yeah, it's interesting. I, I think we can never completely remove our insecurities, our weaknesses. However, there are different levels to it. And, and we can definitely lower the volume, as I say, on those insecurities in that voice and how much control it has over us. I guess long-winded, it's body image. That was my original insecurity. And then I guess more in the business realm, I would say I'm truly an entrepreneur. I didn't have any handouts. I didn't have anyone in the family that was an entrepreneur ahead of me. I didn't really. Come from that world, especially in personal development and Tony Robbins, people still judge me in my inner circle For that, I just really put myself out there and tried and invested and hired people that were much smarter than me and further along than me, and I just. Kept going. I think the insecurity though is that I don't have the fancy college degree. I mean, I do have a college degree, but it's not really in coaching. It's not in psychology. It, you know, it's not from a big fancy school and it's not. I don't know, the accolades that I think we all aspire to have or the, the certifications that we think we need in order to be good enough, quote unquote, we don't. And, and I'm living proof of that because I really just decided what I wanted and I never looked back. Thank you so much for just being vulnerable and sharing your insecurities because. I just think it's a great thing to normalize that even someone as confident as you are now and as successful as you are now that you still started somewhere where you had to deal with a lot of shit. It's not like you just woke up one day and you're like, I am fucking confident. It probably took years of relearning, like, okay, these things aren't even true about me. And even if something is true, it doesn't mean that you're less worthy or that you're like a bad person or anything like that. I remember I was listening to a podcast episode of yours one time when you were talking about some of your insecurities and. I laughed because one part, like I totally related to it. You talked about how you would buy smaller shoes for your feet because you're like self-conscious. Oh no. And I have actually done that too because, so I'm only five two and I have kind of big feet for my height, which sucks. Like I'm a seven and a half and I'm like. I feel like I should be a six, so I totally feel you on that. Wow. Yeah. That's so funny that you can relate to that. It brings me back to high school when that era was, but yeah, I'm six foot and I'm sure someone made a comment about my foot size or my shoe size. I don't remember. But at some point then I learned, oh, this is a big foot quote, unquote, right. This is considered big. And um, yeah, I'm, I'm size nine and a half, sometimes 10, depending on the brand, depending on the heel, whatever it is. And I would buy like. Kayla was size eight, maybe eight and a half, and I squeezed my toes in this sneaker, and I would probably walk funny like, this is not okay. But that's what I did because I was so insecure about my shoe size. It's wild. Yeah. And I don't know if you've seen the movie White Chicks. Yes. Have you seen that? Yes. Do you know, do you know what I'm talking about? Like the dressing room scene? Oh my gosh, Tina, the talking tummy. Yes, I do. Yes. So if you know, you know, um, go watch that movie.'cause it's ridiculous, but it's so good. Yeah. It's just ridiculous, like how much external communication we get about our bodies. And when you brought up pregnancy. I'm sure that hits so hard for so many people, especially if they're in a similar stage of life, because I just have two friends who gave birth in December and I. Was very conscious to not remark on their bodies because some people might, I don't know, enjoy you being like, oh, you look great, but it's like, why are you even talking about that? Like, yes, they're literally doing the hardest thing right now. And I just, it's just so weird to me. Oh, I'm just so glad you're aware of that, especially with your two friends going through it in December. So you did not comment on their body and I'm sure they appreciated that so much. Same thing over here. I obviously, your body changes and it's so beautiful and it's creating life. And you're baking a human, like it's just wild at what your body is doing. But so everyone, I would say everyone, at least in my journey, commented on my appearance. It was never about. How are you feeling? And wow, look at what your incredible body is doing and is capable of, and like nothing about that. It was all just about, oh, you look great. And again, well intentioned, I'm sure, but I highlight that because it's so woven in our society and it's so normalized to comment on a woman's body and, and it's just not okay because. My body changes and fluctuates on a daily basis, let alone pregnancy. And I will never forget after pregnancy, you pretty much do lose a lot of the weight because your baby comes out. But then the placenta and just it, it kind of just. Goes right back. Not for everyone, but at least in my case, there was a huge difference, uh, immediately. And then again, people were like, oh my God, you look great after I had my baby. I'm like, what does that even mean? Like look at this miracle that I. Just produced and brought into the world. Like why is that not the conversation? I digress. It's so true, and I feel like part of it is almost like, do you not expect me to look great? Like, are you just telling this because you think that a woman is flawed as soon as she gets pregnant and she's never gonna look good again? Yes, a hundred percent. And it's also like, what if I didn't look great? First of all, great is up for your interpretation, whatever your opinion is. And then secondly, what if I didn't look great? What if me as a new mom was struggling? I, I couldn't walk Caleb for the first two weeks after delivery. Like literally could not walk. And so it's like, am I just supposed to put on this happy face and smile and act like everything's fine and put on makeup and put on a cute outfit to act like everything is great and therefore look a certain way? Right? Like, what if I was actually struggling as a new mom? What would people say? So yeah, I, I think a lot of it is. Assumptions and opinions, but it's so woven deeply into our society. People don't know how to talk about it. They don't know how to ask you. They don't know the first thing. Again, I think they are well intentioned by saying, you look great, but it's like, well, what's the alternative? Right? Like, what did you expect me to look like? Or, you know? So yeah, it's a slippery slope, and I'm still coming out of that. I'm 10 months postpartum, and so it's still a tricky. Journey and path to be on. I completely agree. I'm just really glad that we touched on the topic of pregnancy and childbirth just because this is something that most women will go through. So even if you feel like you've healed all of your confidence issues can always come up again. So absolutely. So good to talk about this. Um, I would like to kind of shift the conversation to where I see a lot of people struggling with confidence and issues that continue to come up for them. And one thing I see a lot is that many people wait until they feel ready before taking action. I'm curious what your thoughts are on that, and if you think that waiting for confidence actually holds us back. Yeah. You already know this answer. Uh, yeah. You, you can't wait. There is no sense of readiness. It's really just a matter of. How quickly you can make decisions and trusting yourself that you can always adjust as necessary. I think a lot of people, at least with the clients that I have worked with in my experience, we always think, oh no, but what if I decide wrong? What if I choose something and it's not right? What if I launch something and no one signs up? Right? We always do the what if worst case scenario, and at some point we demonize it as being wrong. But my reframe, or the way I've redefined that is that there is no such thing as a wrong decision. It's just a decision and you have to trust yourself that you can course correct. I mean, even business aside, something in life of like. Oh no. What if I move, I guess for me from la, what if I move to Chicago and I don't love it? Or from Chicago to Florida? What if I don't love it? What if I don't meet anybody? What if it's a wrong decision? It's like, okay, well you're gonna get there and then you're gonna try it out and you're gonna go meet people and you're going to go to events and try new restaurants and all the things. And then maybe six months, a year down the road, if you're like, oh. I don't know if I'm happiest here. Guess what you're going to do? You're going to change your mind and you're going to make a new decision, whether that's moving back, whether that's moving somewhere else, but you have to trust yourself that you will make another decision to get to your next step, your next chapter. And so I think for me, I've done that over and over again, that that is truly. The foundation of confidence is making a decision quickly and then understanding that you are fully equipped to handle the next decision that comes up without this self-judgment, without see you fucked up again. Right? Like we have to be really nice and, and graceful and compassionate with ourselves, and then just trust we'll make another decision and that's it. Life is a series of decision making. That's it. And when people are scared of making the wrong decision, why do you think this is even coming up for so many people? Well, I think the way you even just asked that question, the wrong decision, there's, they're putting so much weight on the decision of like, is this right or is this wrong? And I think if you already look at it at a decision that way, you're setting yourself up for failure because that is so hard to overcome, right? So I think you need to dissect that word wrong, like well, wrong to who? Is it to your parents? Is it to loved ones? Are you afraid of what they might think, what they might say? What if you leave your career and start a new one and that doesn't pan out? How would that feel? So I think this idea of right and wrong is the actual issue. There is no right or wrong. It's just a decision, and you have to trust yourself that you made the best decision with the knowledge you had at that time. So even. 10 years down the road, in hindsight, you're like, Ooh, I would've probably decided differently. But it's like you didn't know that at that time, right? You made the best decision with the information you had, and that's it. No looking back. So yeah, there's no right or wrong, it's just a decision. I agree. And I think you touched on an important part there that a lot of the times people are scared to make quote unquote, the wrong decision because they're just scared of what other people are going to think of them. Yes. Their friends and their family. So what would you tell to someone if they want to make a decision? Maybe let's say it's to move, like you said, like maybe moving to your dream city, but they are scared of how their family and their friends are going to react. I think, um, Peter Cron is coming up for me. He calls himself the mindset architect. He's huge on social media now, very wise guy. I highly recommend following him for some tips, but he always says, look at that phrase, I'm afraid of what people think. He's like, how do you even know what they think? And they haven't said anything, right? It's a perception. It's perceived in terms of what they think. So it's actually what you think and you're putting it on them, right? So like, I'm so nervous to move to Chicago or to Florida, uh, to your point to a new city. And I'm so afraid what Kayla might think. It's like, actually no. You are afraid of what you think, going back to the right and wrong decision making. And so instead you justify it by saying, Nope, Kayla. I'm gonna blame her and I'm gonna point my finger at her. How wild is that? Right? Unless Kayla says something like, Hey Katya, I really don't think you should move to that new city. Well, now that's something that we can work with and actually talk about you and I. But that has nothing to do with me. It's not a projection anymore of what I think. So I think understanding that is a foundation, but then to deal with that. Even if people say something, so not what they think, but if they say something like, ah, I don't think that's a good idea. Ah, I don't know if I would move there. What about your family? What about your friends? I would look at their life and I would ask yourself, would I trade places with them if they have been in the same city all their life, if they're not so happy in their job and their career and their relationship, and they're telling you this. Why would I follow their advice? You know, I, I don't want your type of lifestyle and maybe you are too afraid to move to a new city, and now you're putting your fear onto me. So I think one, it's being aware that we don't know what people think. It's a, it's a perception and it's a projection of what we think. We're putting it onto others. And then if and when they say something, go through that filter. Would I take advice from them? Do I want to trade places with them? And then you get to decide whether you listen to it or not. That is such good advice. And actually, I think that's one thing you told me when we were coaching together, I was worried about what other people in my life would think about me starting a coaching business. And I remember you telling me like, okay, those people that you're worried about, would you trade places with them? And I'm like, fuck no. Like I don't want their life. So that's such a great thing to keep in mind as far as thinking about other people's opinions all the time and kind of like creating these stories in your mind. That's something I'm guilty of all the time. I like create these stories where I'm like, oh, this person's gonna think this and then this is going to happen, and then there's gonna be a terrible outcome, and you're just kind of like catastrophizing in your mind. And I don't know if that's just a personality thing or an anxious mind thing, but I think it's, what you said was so important to kind of just shut that down. Mm-hmm. So I think that's, mm-hmm. Great advice for anybody. Yeah, I think if you're aware, first of all, good for you for being aware that you do create these stories. I think sometimes people are the general public who don't do personal development. They think it's absolute truth. It's absolute fact. This is what I think, and there there's really no, no way to break through that. But you are already aware that you are creating your story in your head, which is fantastic. I think one step further. It's not about just, is this an anxious mind, because that feels very set in stone. Like, this is me, this is a personality trait. I cannot change it. I would actually rephrase that and say. I'm having some thoughts that are rooted in anxiety, for example. So now it's a thought and it's more separate from you, Kayla, as the human, and now we can dissect it. Now we can work with that. So, okay. I am having some thoughts rooted in anxiety. What is causing the anxiety? Oh, well, I am about to start something that is outta my comfort zone, like launching a coaching business. That's really fucking scary, right? It's okay to have these scary thoughts, but then also, why is it so exciting? Why do I even want to do this? What is the pull? What is the vision? What is the mission? And maybe write a long list and then you get so crystal clear on. These are my opinions, this is my why. This is already a, a list of other people that are doing it, and that becomes your new story. That becomes your new reality. So anyone else that says, ah, coaching business, that's so stupid. You are like, okay, but look at all these people that are actually winning and succeeding and thriving. I wanna be like them, not you. So, and it won't affect you as much because you're so crystal clear on what your opinion is. Yes. Who would've known I'd be getting free coaching in this podcast interview? Hell yeah. That's so funny. I just can't help it. It's just word vomit at this point. I love it. Okay, so what do you think is like the biggest myth about confidence? I would say that the first one, what I already said towards the top of this podcast is more of the personality trait. So the bold, the loud, the. Whatever, outspoken, extroverted type of personality. I think that's number one. Um, but number two, what's coming up for me is thinking that confident people like don't ever fuck up and just. Know all the answers and don't have any flaws and just kind of flow through life effortlessly like that couldn't be further from the truth. I think, um, confident people know that they're not good at everything. Know what their strengths are, know what their weaknesses are, know that they have fears and limiting beliefs and worries and doubts, but they don't let it stop them. They, they just keep moving and they give them so much grace and compassion, like inner child work, right? And they're just like, oh, that's a fear, but we're gonna do it anyways. And they just keep going. It's just moving through your day and your life, making the best decisions to the best of your ability. I love that. That was perfectly said. I love how you said about they still feel all the same things that we're feeling, but the difference is that they don't let it stop them. That's like literally just the main difference between being confident and not being confident is just showing up anyways, don't you think? Totally. I um, I was actually listening to Jay Shetty's podcast the other day on purpose, and he had a guest, he's a professional tennis player and he works with coaches and mindset and all that stuff, and he was telling a story of how his coach, or he asked his coach about thoughts. He was like, you must not have. Negative thoughts ever. Like how do you do it? And the coach was like, are you kidding me? I have more negative thoughts than I do have positive thoughts. The difference is that I don't stay there. A negative thought pops up, it stays for seconds before I move on to the next one. But for you, who knows, it could be days, months, years, and that's the difference. It's like, okay, fear. Thought pops up and it's like, ah, that doesn't feel good. That doesn't serve me. That doesn't empower me. Let's move on to the next. Let's replace it. And then we move on with our day until the next thought shows up. And that's literally the only difference. It's like this podcast episode, what if I was nervous to show up? It's like, ah, I could have either canceled on you or. Whatever. Or it's like, okay, I'm nervous, but we're gonna show up anyways and we're gonna do the best that we can. And that's it. Feel the fear and do it anyways. I think one thing that might be holding people back from being able to show up is feeling like they are not enough, like they're unworthy. That who are they to do this thing that they want to do? So I'm wondering if you have any advice for someone who is feeling like that. They just feel like, why me? There are other people who can be in the spotlight. I don't need to be confident. I'll just keep living my little life. What would you say to them? Yeah, that's a really good question. I think first of all, when people think and feel that they are not enough, I just want to really validate that and humanize it for them, because I know the two deepest fears we all have are. Not being enough and then therefore not being loved. That's like on a very human level. So I just wanna validate that for anyone who might feel that way. Now, I do think there are different levels to it. So again, we all feel that on a certain level, but you can definitely distance yourself from it and. Heal from that. And it might always be there, but not as loud. And so if you're feeling that with business, with life, with whatever new thing you're trying to do, and you're like, I don't know. You said, why me? Right? Why would I go and try to live a better life and work on personal development, all that stuff? It's like, well, why not you? Is a more powerful question, and I say that because you are the only one that has lived a day in your shoes and has had the life that you've had nobody else because it's your life and therefore there's so much power and wisdom and knowledge that you can share because you're the only Kayla that has lived a life in her shoes. And so just by you being you. Can already help people and transform their lives and point out gaps and challenges in everything that we do in coaching. So I just feel like a lot of people need to know that maybe they'll never feel enough. But also that's so okay because. We all feel that on a human level, but you don't want that to stop you because inherently, you know, remove all the accolades and the followers and the shiny trophies and whatever. You are enough already as you are. Anything outside of that is really just a cherry on top point, blank period. Yes, totally. Another thing I thought of when you were saying that was. I think sometimes when people don't yet have the belief in themselves, maybe borrowing that belief from someone else who you've already seen do what you want to do, can at least help in the process. Like hopefully eventually you are able to heal those wounds and believe in yourself. But until then, I think surrounding yourself with other people who. Are in the same mindset as you are having big goals, big dreams that are similar to you, and then also having people who have done what you wanna do is so important just because it shows the proof that like this is possible. If they can do it, I can do it. And I think that's why it's so important to work with a coach too, because hopefully if you're working with a coach, they kind of have whatever it is that you're wanting and they can help you get there. And I just think it's so important to have those people in your life, or even if it's online, maybe they don't even know about you, but you're following them. You're inspired by them and their living proof every day that you can get to where they are too. That's a really good point. Very well said. Two things came up for me as you were talking. When I started my journey, even before coaching, this was just showing up online, social media, working with brands. That type of influencer work that I was doing before, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I didn't know that this would bring me to coaching. I had no idea. What kept me going though was how fun it felt for me and how exciting it felt for me. Like just the energy around posting on social media. I was like, oh my gosh, I just posted a photo. Like it felt so big, but also so fun and so exciting. So I didn't do it for money or. Knowing that this was going to bring me to a coaching business that other girls would wanna work with me, I had no idea. But it brought me so much joy, and I think for someone listening, let's say at the beginning of her journey, just what lights you up? Right? What's exciting to you? What. What do you have fun with? Like do more of that. You have no idea where it could lead. And then once you know like, okay, like for me it clicked one day where, oh, it's coaching. I really love coaching. Then I did hire my first coach. So to your point, mentorship has been huge in my journey in building my business. But also I thought then it was good for them, right? But not for me. What I would recommend, if someone else is feeling that way, take that action that they tell you to take. Basically follow their methodology. Just trust in that alone. Not even if like you can do it or if you're as good enough or good as them, whatever. None of that noise, but just, here's the blueprint. Here's what they told me to do, so now I'm gonna go do it even if you don't fully believe it, because action outweighs. Right, because the more action you take, then you'll get those results, and then in hindsight you reflect and you're like, oh, now I'm starting to believe it. Because your brain collects evidence and proof, and then you don't really need the mentor for that type of business anymore because you've already gotten to that level. Then you can reinvest and get more mentors and more coaches, depending on where they're at. But, um, your brain needs to pick up evidence and results, so just take the action first and trust that the belief will come. So I feel like a lot of people want to see a whole 10 step process and know exactly where they're going to get before they even take the first step. And I think that's such a mistake because we can't perfectly predict the outcome. Like we have no idea. And there may be other steps along the way that present themselves that you actually need to get to your desired location. So I think what you're saying about. Basically just taking messy, imperfect action is better than the perfect 10 step plan. That never happens. Exactly, because that plan shows up with that messy action, right? You have to take that messy action in order to gain the clarity that you're looking for, and then you find out, oh, what's the next step? And then, oh, what's the next step? And then slowly but surely that. Staircase starts to appear, but you can't see that yet. You can only see the first step, and that's that step of messy action, and it feels so uncomfortable and you're like, why the hell am I doing this? But again, it feels like joy and excitement because you're being pulled to it and you're like, I don't know where this is gonna lead, but we're gonna do it. And then afterwards you're like, oh, I met a person, or it gave me this idea, or Right. And then that staircase slowly appears for the next steps. Exactly. So I would say that that's like one tangible step that people can take with them from this episode is just showing up, taking messy, imperfect action. And I feel like that kind of leads into another one, which would be keeping the promises to yourself. Do you agree with that? Yeah. The promises are so huge on a small and a large level, let's say, because if I say I'm gonna post today and then I don't post, well now, I just broke that promise with myself and. Now, I'm not building this self-trust in myself, which is required to build a business or even just a life on your terms. The best analogy or story I can give is if you had a best friend and you wanted to meet her for a dinner reservation, right? And it was tomorrow night, and then she texts you and she's like, oh my God, I feel so sick. Can we reschedule? And you're like, okay. Oh my gosh. Please feel better. Let's reschedule for next week. Next week comes around and you plan it for a Wednesday, and then another text comes from her and she's like, oh my God, I can't make it because whatever reason, you're like, ah, okay, I'm disappointed, but okay, let's reschedule. And then the third time comes around and she does it again. Do you think you trust her to show up for the fourth time at another rescheduled dinner invite? No. And so that's exactly how we would treat ourselves. So if I say I'm going to do X and then I keep canceling on myself the fourth time, the fifth time, the 10th time, I'm not going to feel fully confident that I will show up because I just canceled all myself 10 times prior. So it's the exact same way. That's such a good example because we all have that friend where we're like, why are we even friends with her? Yes. Like I think I'm gonna cut her out. Yes, we do. Sad but true. Yeah. So I love that analogy because you don't wanna be that friend. No one wants that friend. Don't be that bitch. She said it. She said it on the podcast. Don't be that bitch. It's so jazz. Well, those are some great tips. I'm wondering if you have any other tips for our listeners about how they could start building confidence today? Hmm. I would start small. So the promises that we just had talked about, don't make a long list of 20 different things that you're going to start tomorrow at four in the morning. Like, let's not do that because it's not realistic. If I wake up normally at like 8:00 AM 9:00 AM why in the world would I decide to wake up at four in the morning? Like it's just, it's so much harder on yourself. So what I would do is take one thing at a time. When I say start small, let's choose one thing and let's make it as realistic as possible. If I typically wake up at 9:00 AM and I feel like I'm scrambling for the day and I don't get a morning workout in or whatever it is, then let's say I'm just gonna wake up 10 minutes earlier. Yes, I know it's small, but 10 minutes earlier at eight 50, and just see if we can do that and just do that for maybe a week. Then the next week it's like, okay, what about another 10 minutes earlier? And it's truly that small brick by brick. That is how you start to build confidence. So you don't need this long list of things that you're gonna do tomorrow, which you've never done in your life. It's more of like, let's pick one thing, let's see how it goes. Let's do it small and then keep adding from there. That's great advice. I remember two years ago about, I was at my heaviest weight and I was working with a health coach, and I remember she gave me similar advice because of course we just wanna drop all the weight and be our best self tomorrow. So I was like, okay, give me all of the advice. I wanna start this 10 step protocol, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, whoa, hold up. She said, all I want you to do for the next two weeks is just go on a 20 minute walk. That's literally it. And I remember being like annoyed by it because I'm like, this isn't even gonna do anything. It's just a stupid 20 minute walk. But then four months later, I didn't work out at all. I just kept doing the daily 20 minute walk and I lost 20 pounds. So it's crazy how much little actions can really move the needle. Wow. I had no idea. Wow. That's so powerful. I'm glad it was walking too.'cause just, I guess two quick stories. My mom was, I guess a little bit overweight per the doctor and recommendation. She had high cholesterol, so they said you could lose like 20 pounds so that you're just a little bit healthier. I think them telling her that she had high cholesterol scared her enough. She decided, okay, I'm just gonna also start walking more. And then that led to drinking more water and then that led to this huge salad bowl that she still does today at night for dinner. So it was kinda like one thing led to another, but it started with walking and that's all she did. Every day She woke up, she went outside and she walked. And to your point, it was 20 minutes and then it got longer just'cause she liked it. She was like, oh, I could do 30 minutes and I could do 40 minutes. And she also lost, I wanna say it was 55 pounds in like. Over the course of a year just by walking. And so it just shows you that the system that you have in place is much more important than the goal. James Clear talks about it all the time. He's the author of Atomic Habits, but he's like, don't make a goal of I'm going to lose 10 pounds'cause you're not in control of that. Make the goal. I'm gonna walk three, four days a week for 30 minutes. That is something that now you have control over.'cause you just have to show up and do it one foot in front of the other and then you're much more likely to reach that goal anyways of losing the 10 pounds. So I'm doing that right now. My back has been having some issues since delivery and postpartum, and so my physical therapist was like, let's just get walking more. And so I've been walking now for the last three weeks and I feel so much better, but it's the system that I have in place. I wake up and I go before I do anything, and it's that system now where it's. Keeping me coming back that I'm not even thinking about my goal. So anyone listening, let's go walk more. Yes. I'm glad that your back is feeling a bit better. Thank you. And I can, I can totally see, yeah, I forgot to mention that part, like with your mom story. Good habits, spaghetti good habits. So. Just walking 20 minutes didn't make me lose 20 pounds. But it was the fact that like I would start every day with a 20 minute walk that would just set the day, the tone for the day. So I would then want to eat healthier because I already kept a small little promise to myself like we talked about. And that was building confidence and building self-trust that, you know, if I can do this little tiny walk, that's one thing I've already done. Right? And then I wanna do more right things for myself. Yes. And to your point, that sets the stage for the day. And so the feeling and the energy you have once you get back from the walk, you feel so good and proud and energized, and you got fresh air. And I'm sure you went somewhere in nature and you heard birds or whatever it was, that sets the tone. And so now you wanna grab the water. You wanna grab the healthy breakfast, you wanna go reach out to that friend. You like, there's things that you want to do that are much better for you versus the alternative. If you slept in and didn't do any type of movement, then it's like, well, let me just veg out. Or, oh, let me just binge watch Netflix, or, oh, let me, right. Like that also leads to different types of habits as well. I couldn't agree more. Yeah. This has been such a great conversation. I think you have given my audience so many takeaways when it comes to confidence. I'm wondering if there's anything else that you want to leave them with an action step. Last words of wisdom. Anything that comes to mind for you. Trust the process and have patience in your journey there. There is no point in rushing this and. The 30 day quick fix that is presented to us. I think you just need to trust that confidence is a lifelong game, and if you just look at it from a very long-term perspective and what you're building and the human that you are becoming and evolving into, it gets to be fun and exciting. So. No pressure on yourself in terms of the timeline and just trust that this is all part of your journey and you will get stronger and give yourself some grace and compassion in the process. Thank you so much. I have one last question for you, which is just kind of a personal question. I'd love to know, what are you manifesting right now? All the monies. I, uh, ever since having my daughter, Amalia, she's 10 months now, she has made my mission and my purpose a hundred times stronger, and I just want all the abundance. Money opportunity for her to show her what's possible. So when I say all the monies, I'm kind of joking, but also not because it's such a deeper mission that I have on my heart now. Aw, that's so sweet. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. So where can everybody find you? The best place would be on Instagram. My username is at Katia, Lillian. Uh, there's free content there. You can also just check out the link in my bio that has all of my group programs and one-on-one program information. But also, if you have any questions or you just wanna connect, send me a dn. Perfect. We will link all of that information in the show notes, so please reach out to Katia, let her know what you thought of the episode. And thank you everyone for listening. I will see you next week. Bye. Thank you.