The Identity Series [PART 3]: Why You'll Feel Like A Fraud (And Why That’s a Good Thing)

Your new identity will feel uncomfortable before it feels natural.

And most people mislabel that discomfort as:

• Imposter syndrome
• Self-doubt
• “I’m not ready yet”
• “Who do I think I am?”

But what if that feeling isn’t a red flag?

What if it’s proof you’re expanding?

In Part 3 of the Identity Series, we’re talking about the moment after you raise your standards… after you start acting like HER… and why the stretch between your old self-concept and your next-level identity can feel like internal chaos.

This is the part where most new coaches, entrepreneurs, and ambitious women retreat.

Not because they lack strategy.
But because growth feels unfamiliar.

In This Episode, We Dive Into:

• Why your next-level identity feels fake at first
• The psychology behind imposter syndrome and self-doubt
• The “identity gap” that happens when you level up
• Why confidence is a lagging indicator (not a prerequisite)
• The rubber band effect that pulls you back into old habits
• How to hold your new identity even when it feels uncomfortable
• Why feeling like a fraud might mean you’re finally growing

If this episode hits, screenshot it, tag me on Instagram, and tell me the identity you’re stepping into next.

In case you missed it:

Part 1

Part 2

Transcript

0:00

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Building Her podcast. I'm your host, Kati Lillian. If you've been loving this podcast, go ahead and rate the podcast five stars and DM me on Instagram when you do that, because I want to connect and personally thank you. If you are new here, hit that subscribe button. It really helps the podcast grow, and that way you'll never miss an episode. So let's dive in. Hey, my name is Kati Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. Hopefully you have all been loving my identity series, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, you can check out identity series, part one and part two in the show notes below. I've linked them down there for you, but it was on my heart to devote an entire series to the subject of identity because my podcast is called Building Her and. Sometimes I get some questions and they're like, well, you know, what do you mean by her? Is that your future self? Is that your higher self? And how do I even build that? What do you mean basically? And so I felt it deserved its own series to discuss a little bit more of what I mean by her and how you can build it. Of course. It's not just identity, hence why I have an entire podcast devoted to building her. But at least it gives you more of like the framework and the beginning steps on what I mean when I say her. So I hope this has been valuable to you all. Today is the third part and final part of this series, and there's a lot to discuss and go over because what we had. Originally talked about was in the first one. We were talking about the beginner identity problem, right? And that definitely applies to not only early and aspiring coaches, but really I would say any entrepreneur or anybody that is leaving a nine to five to venture out into the entrepreneurial world. There is always this identity problem of, I'm a beginner. This is new. There's so much unknown, I don't know what I'm getting. Self into, and that could be even a promotion within your organization. So basically any new role that you want to step into, there's always going to be an identity shift. The old version of you has to essentially die off so that you can rebuild this new version of you and step up to the plate, rise to the occasion. And so that's what part one was all about. Part two, I had to take a few steps back because I didn't. I didn't describe, and I didn't define what identity even is and then how can you even start to change it. So that was more of like a zoom out perspective versus just the beginner identity and being laser focused on that. Taking a few steps back, well, what is even identity? And then how can you start changing it? So. That's under your belt, that's information you have. So now part three is truly now holding this new identity or making room for it and holding onto it. When it feels uncomfortable, because at the beginning of an identity shift, it's obviously uncomfortable because you're stepping into the unknown. You don't know what's on the other side of this. We really just have blind faith to go off of, and so I think it's really valuable for a third part here to really discuss what might come up for you. And some of you who have gone through identity shifts, I'm sure you can resonate with. Some of the examples I go over, but some of you who perhaps have not gone through an identity shift yet because you haven't received a promotion, you haven't asked for a promotion, you haven't switched jobs, you don't even have your first job yet, or you're stuck at this job and you haven't took the leap into the entrepreneurial world, like whatever the story is, this might be new for you, some of the things that you might experience, so. I figured it'd be good for you if you heard it at least here, so that if and when it comes up at some point in your lifetime, then you're like, oh, this is what Kaia was talking about. Okay. I feel less fear now because this is something that I can expect. Okay, so. In terms of shifting the identity and now holding onto it and trusting that this shaky ground underneath you in unknown territory is okay, but the feeling tied to it initially when this first happens, it actually does not feel very good. It feels like. When you step into her and when you start to show up as her your higher self, it might not be the way you have shown up before. So it feels fake. It feels awkward, it feels uncomfortable. It feels like you are delusional, crazy, and. We think that, oh, well this is then the wrong step. This is the wrong move because it shouldn't feel like this. It shouldn't feel awkward. It shouldn't feel delusional. It shouldn't feel fake. It shouldn't feel uncomfortable, right? It should feel good if this is the right next step. Well, it should feel good. And so sometimes we revert then, right? We go back to the familiar like, ah, okay, this feels so much better. But I. Or I guess your permission slip here is to feel those feelings and actually accept them and surrender to them, because that's actually how it's supposed to feel. Just because it feels uncomfortable doesn't make it wrong. It feels uncomfortable because it's unfamiliar. That's it. And the more you show up. The more it will become familiar, your nervous system will get used to it and be like, oh, okay. Yeah, I've done this before. Quick example, before we dive in I used to have a huge fear of public speaking. I actually have a whole episode tied to public speaking as well.'cause I just did one in October of 2025. Anyways, I always had this limiting belief and fear of public speaking and that came from. Public speaking opportunities. I can't even say public speaking'cause this was like high school and college, so it wasn't public speaking, but it kind of was'cause it's in front of an audience. It's in front of your you know, classmates or in school or even auditorium if it was for awards and you know, things like that. And I remember the feeling tied to it was always extreme discomfort. Like I, it's not my natural habitat to be on stage and. I equated the bad symptoms, and I am using air quotes over here for bad, but it's, you know, the, the flush cheeks, it's the sweaty armpits or for me, upper lip. It's the shaky hands. It's the racing heart. The short breath, like all of these physical, very real physical symptoms I tie to danger, I tie to abort. The mission I tie to this is not it. Like I'm just not a good public speaker. Like it should not feel this way if I was meant to do this, if this is my path. And so I reverted, right? My identity was, no, I'm a bad public speaker. And if you listen to the last. Part of the series, well then you know that that identity statement was super limiting. And therefore, even if I wanted to challenge myself and speak on stages, that identity would have to be rewired first. And so I believed I'm a bad public speaker. Hence why I never sought or never said yes to any opportunities for speaking opportunities. So. The feeling tied to the public speaking made me retract, but. At some point in my personal development journey, I think it was with my first life coach, I was invited to speak on stage at Athleta, which was hosting like a wellness event and partnered with Evolve Her, which was a venue for. Female entrepreneurs to gather in Chicago. When I was living there at the time, and there were probably like a hundred plus women at this event and there were brands and, you know, cute little snacks and gift bags and things like that. And it was just a time for people to network. But then also I was the panel, um, host where I. Talked then to three different women who all owned their own businesses and yeah, I hosted the discussion, so I was the host. It was a big deal for me at the time. And remember, my, my identity was, I'm a bad public speaker, so with my life coach, you can imagine. I was like, I'm not doing this. Like, it sounds like such an amazing opportunity and. You know, I almost wanna challenge myself to do this, but also I'm so scared, like I can't do this, and. It sounds so simple, but she shared breath work patterns with me to just calm my heart rate and calm those physical symptoms. Right. Mitigate them a little bit in real time, but then also little pointers here and there for how to host the panel and, you know, more of like the strategic side'cause she was really good at public speaking. So anyways she also, sorry before I move on. She also, this was probably the biggest thing. It was the reframe of those physical symptoms. So she said, so okay, you get the sweaty palms and the racing heart and the sweaty pits and upper lip and flush cheeks and whatever. She's like, but those are physical symptoms also. Not because it's wrong or you're bad at it, but it actually, because it matters to you, because you put this pressure on yourself to actually do a good job, and your physical, your body responds in a physical way, just as if it were scared, as if it were excited. Does that make sense? I think that came out a little jumbled. So your body has the same physical reaction to fear as it does to excitement. So think of like you're excited for something coming up. You also get the racing heart. You also get the sweaty palms. You also get the flush cheeks. Right. It's the same physical symptoms, but the meaning behind it is very different. And as soon as she said that, it was like a light bulb that went off, I was like, oh my gosh. So I don't need to look at all these symptoms as like a bad thing, as a negative thing, but more so it's just part of the process because I give a damn. And that really helped me on the day of, because I went to the bathroom like, you know, five minutes before I had to go on stage. And I did my little breath work, which very short. Inhale through the nose for four seconds, hold at the top for four seconds, blow out of the mouth as if you were blowing through a straw for six seconds. And that pattern, do it as much as you need to or as much time as you have, but that slows down your heart rate. And so now we just calmed our nervous system, and now I could think a bit more clearly and I could essentially talk to myself in the bathroom and say, this is okay, Katya. You're allowed to feel this way. It's because it matters to you. Go do a good job. You got this. Right. It was like, like self-soothing techniques, but also like pump myself up techniques. And I swear to you, that changed the game for me because I had a good experience now and I was able truly to step into that version of her because I had always dreamed of being. Confident and a leader role and helping other women and yeah, speaking on stages, and I was able to show up as that version of myself on that day when I hosted that panel. And it was just so freeing and it had a domino effect, of course, in my career. And now I personally speaking, I think I killed it at my speaking gig in October because I just felt every word that I was sharing, right? Because I had actually been through everything that I was sharing. It was my story. All right, so all of that to say. The feeling that you have, again, going back to fake, awkward, delusional, uncomfortable on a very physical level, it's how it's supposed to feel because you are entering unknown territory. Your body goes into fight or flight, and it's like, I don't understand. This is unfamiliar. I don't like this. I'm trying to keep you safe, but you have to soothe yourself and be like, I am safe. We're okay. It's gonna be fine. You're allowed to feel this way, but we're gonna do it anyways. We're gonna make it through to the other side. So that's really, really important for you and under for you to understand as you go through your own identity shifts. It is supposed to feel uncomfortable. It is not for you to retract and retreat and go back to the familiar self hold those. Uncomfortable feelings, sit in it, be with it, surrender to it because it will pass and you will get stronger and you won't feel that way every time because now it's a new normal that you've just set. Okay. Okay. So that was quite the introduction. I went on a little tangent there, but to go more, um. Into this concept of holding this I this new identity. You have to remember, let's say you're an entrepreneur and you're charging more, or you start to speak with more conviction, or you start to post more online and you show up boldly and you say things that you didn't think you'd say and you say no more to shit you don't wanna do.'cause you have boundaries and it doesn't meet the vision and it's not aligned and you raise your standard. Okay. Like I just said, your nervous system is gonna be like, who the fuck do you think you are? Right? You can't do that. And so the gap is between this old self concept, right? How you used to operate and then this new behavior and that gap creates that friction and that friction is there because. Uh, your brain wants the familiar, and, and what I mean by familiar is just basically what it's used to, right? Like, what are the things that you've been consistent with that could be thought patterns, that could be action, that could be even like people you hang out with ways you go home, your driving route. Like truly, your brain is designed to protect you, and so it wants predictability. It wants familiarity and it wants safety. And so when you act differently, when you act like your higher self, it feels wrong. But remember, it's not wrong. It's just unfamiliar, and that's why it's so important for you to self-soothe and be like, we're okay. We're safe. My life is not in danger. We're gonna get through this. Let's breathe through this together. You literally have to talk to your body or even say your old self in third person. Right? I always talk about the inner critic and the cheerleader in your brain. It's like the angel and devil on your shoulder, right? It is the same thing. It's like I have to talk to. My past self as if it were a separate version of Katya. And that's why naming your inner critic is so powerful. Or like LeBron James, Beyonce, they all name their alter ego because Beyonce has a stage name y'cause she has to snap into Sasha Fierce, or LeBron. I don't know if he has an alter ego name, but he does refer to himself in third person. Like there's interviews with him. Where, you know, it's after a basketball game and they're asking him questions like, how did you do it? Or How did you hit this you know, highest number of points or whatever milestone he hit. And he is like, oh, well, LeBron did this, or LeBron did that. He doesn't even talk about it as if it's him. He talks about it as if LeBron is a separate entity. Right. So that's the idea. When I talk about self-soothing and talking to yourself, you literally talk to yourself as if you are a separate person from your old self, right? Like, no, no, no, we're over here. This is what we've decided. We raised our standards. We decided on this entrepreneur route. We decided on being becoming a coach. We decided on whatever. So we're over here now, so you can sit over there. Thank you so much for wanting to keep me safe, but I promise you we're safe. We're good. I, I'm gonna continue down this route. That's what I mean. Okay. Now, the reason why this is so hard, and the reason why this is such a testament to having blind faith in that gap, right? When you're feeling all this friction is because you do not have evidence yet, right? When I talk about my higher self, it's all in my head. It's something that you've imagined. It's this vision that you have for yourself and your life and your dreams and the possibility and hello, like we're being d Lulu over here, because it's all in your head, but that's where it starts. You have to see it in your mind's eye first in order for it to become your reality. That's manifestation 1 0 1, and so the feeling of confidence, conviction. Being a hundred percent sure of yourself, that is almost like you have to lie to yourself because you do not feel that way because there's not evidence yet in your reality. Remember, this is all in your head. So when you identify as, all right, you know what, I'm a coach now. And so now you're a coach and so you put it out there. It's like an introduction post for example, on Instagram, right? Like, hello everyone, I'm Kati Lillian, and I'm a coach, right? There was that one day, that one post where I had to do that. Hello everyone. I'm Kati Lillian, I'm a life coach. Come work with me. And they're like. Bitch, you don't have any clients. Who are you? You were just a tech girl. Now you're all of a sudden a life coach, right? So that action is bold and there is no evidence, there is no track record, there are no testimonials. So I literally have to brainwash myself. I literally have to lie to myself and believe that, well, that's the first step, and I have to show up that way in order to. Take action in line with this new identity. I also have to come up with some kind of offer that I have to somehow pitch to real people, right? I have to invest my dollars, my money into coaching. So she EO my group program for early and aspiring coaches, every single woman that has done this program had to invest money, thousands of dollars. To put herself in that room, but she's not a coach yet. She has no testimonials. Maybe there are a few in there that have had a few clients in there, but they wanna bill to another level. But there's still that amount, the thousands of dollars that you're putting out there in the universe when you make that payment, when you have that transaction, you are literally signaling to the, to the world, to the universe. This is my identity now. I am now a coach and I will be charging people for my services, right? And you're putting money where your mouth is. That makes it real, and that's why every single investment is scary. That's why every single investment is uncomfortable because you're kind of putting it out there in the abyss and you're like, I don't fucking know what I just did. Am I crazy? Right. What will come of this? Will I be successful at this? What's the ROI? Is there a guarantee? And it's like no one can tell you, not even yourself, because only you can show up. Only you can watch the videos. Only you can chime in on the CLA in the calls. Only you can show up in the group chat only you can actually put the work in, only you can actually apply all the theory into actual action and make shit happen for yourself. But it starts with that investment. But that's why it's always so scary, right? But then you do the investment. So that was the first time, but let's say now you do your fifth investment. Is it as scary? No. Why? Well,'cause you've done it before. Now your brain has proof and evidence like, oh yeah, I've done this investment before. I've invested thousands of dollars before. I've had a coach before. It's totally fine. You're safe, you're good. Go ahead. You see what I mean? So it's always the first step. It's the first move that is always, always going to be the most uncomfortable and the most scary, but you actually just have to do it that one time. Because even if you have just one piece of evidence, one piece of evidence in the proof bank, then your brain is that much more comfortable because now it's familiar. I, okay. I think the biggest part of identity change that I don't feel like a lot of people talk to, talk about. Is actually the social identity shift, because when you raise your standards and when you say, now you are a coach, or, I'm starting this business, I'm whatever. I'm leaving this company, I'm gonna go to a new company. Right? When you expand, when you grow, when you bet on yourself, some people don't like that. Some people will feel uncomfortable by that, and therefore relationships suffer and people who you thought were supporting you, they get real quiet and I've had friendships in my lifetime. That have fizzled out, like just very natural, like we've grown apart, which I think is the best way, but there's also some friendships that have actually been like, I don't wanna like make it dramatic, but it has been more of like a falling out, right? Like maybe a nasty text or I don't want to be associated with you or your brand. Moving forward. That was an actual text I received and this could create some rockiness, maybe even in families. And I think that is the hardest part because what happens is we all wanna be loved, we all wanna be accepted. As human beings, we are wired for human connection. We do not want to be outcasted or being considered as an outsider, because if you think back to like caveman age, can I say caveman age, caveman era. If you were outcasted, you would die. You're not part of the community. You don't have food, you don't have shelter, you don't have water. Today it's a little different, but our body, our brain is still acting in accordance to the caveman days, so our body feels very, very uncomfortable. When that happens, and then you start to doubt yourself when that happens, right? So a friend says, fuck off, or other friendships fizzle out. Well then you think maybe you are the problem. Some thoughts come up like, am I being, you know, a little extra? Am I being a little arrogant in my ability, right? Like, who, who do I even think I am to do this and to take this chance and take this sleep, right? Am like, am I the problem? Um, but I'm here to remind you. That you are not the problem. They are the problem. Because if you had people that were truly in your C, in your corner, in your circle, they wouldn't give a shit what you do. They love you for you. So it doesn't matter what job you have, what title you have, how you show up online and social media, they love you for the human that you are. Business aside. And I've had so many people in my life where that is also true and yet, and they're still in my life. It's just the people that didn't like the real version of myself. When that version came out, that's when they started to fall away. That's when relationships became a little rocky. But I would then say, well, good riddance. Yeah, they weren't there and supporting you and loving you from the get go. They love this false, pretend mask wearing version of yourself. So I would rather have those people fall away and be surrounded by people who actually understand and get me and know me and love me. For me, there's this. A term that I discovered through my journey and my process. It's called the rubber band Effect. And so when we venture out on an on our own and we go through this identity shift, and now our social life is a little rocky and we might feel a little lonely and right, well, the rubber band effect is where. It wants to bring you back. So basically, think of a rubber band, right? You stretch a rubber band and it wants to snap back. That is how your old identity works. Your old identity wants to snap you back, and the way it does that, this is the way it looks like. So catch yourself now if any of these resonate. Number one, over explaining yourself. Oh, well, I just wanna start this job or this new business because, well, you know, I feel like I could be really good at it, but you know, there's a lot of money in this industry and you just kind of like ramble and over explain and try to justify, right? That's number one. Number two, you downplay your wins. Oh yeah. I'm number one in sales, or, oh yeah, I signed a client, or, oh yeah, I made. 10 K, 20 K, 30 K, 50 K this month. Oh yeah. Like right. You're just kind of like, whatever about it. Yeah, that's whatever. It's not a big deal lowering your prices. Number three. Now there's a difference there, right? Because sometimes in business. You can lower your prices depending on where your business is, just purely from a financial standpoint. If you have zero clients and you need to make money, well then yeah, I would argue lower your prices so that you just have more of a pool to tap into so that you can get some leads. Offer free calls, have a low ticket offer, like make it much easier to work with you. So that people can like, know and trust you, you close that gap and they're much more inclined and come around to the idea of perhaps investing thousands into you for a one-on-one type of relationship. So that's purely financial and like business purposes, what I'm talking about is more rooted in your worthiness, right? Like I can't charge thousands yet. I just. Started, this is kind of like the beginner identity again from part one. So it's like, okay, well let me just lower my prices and lemme just get someone in the door because they're probably gonna say yes to 1 99 versus 1,999. That's what I'm talking about. Out number four, procrastinating. You have all the goals, you have all the ideas, you have all the things, the courses, the I, the one-on-one programming, the content, whatever you want to put out there. But you procrastinate and you don't wanna put it out there, right? You wanna stay in your current situation. If it works out, if I get a client, if my post is good, awesome. But if not, nah, that's okay too. Right. When I have time, I'll post. When I have time, I'll see if someone wants to work with me and then seeking reassurance. So maybe from your closest friends, family, whoever, do you think I should do this? Do you think this is a good idea? Are you sure I should do this? I literally just had this call today, you guys. It was my private one-on-one client. I've been working with her now for two and a half years. We're going on three. And super successful super sharp in the marketing world for a tech company. And, um, she literally today told her boss that she's quitting, but before she asked me on our call, do you think I should do this? She was like, you are literally the only one in my world and the only one that is telling me to do this. Like, are you sure? Are you 110% confident that I should do this? And I responded with Fuck yes, and she did it. But my point is she kept seeking reassurance because she was so unsure, which is the rubber band effect. She wants to step into this new coaching career. She wants to do something different than where she's at now. But her brain, her body is like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, let's keep you back here. So that's another one. Seeking reassurance. Now I wanna be clear, I'm not demonizing any of these. This, this is just like ways it pops up for you to be aware, oh, this might be what Katya was talking about, right? So it's not self-sabotage. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm just saying that this is where your identity gap is coming into play. This is the friction that is happening. It's like, okay, it's okay. Be aware of it, and then we continue anyways, right? The only way through it is actually through repetition of the new identity. Keep feeling the discomfort because that's moving through it, right? We grow through what we go through and it will normalize. It will feel so much better. Okay. I was gonna give you some real examples of mine, but I feel like I already did that. But I, I feel like most of you who have listened to this podcast since day one, I love you so much, but you also know my story, so I don't think I need to go into it too much. But besides my public speaking fear, which I already shared, I think I had a lot of imposter syndrome around my prices, around just calling myself a life coach.'cause I had only equated life coaching to Tony Robbins and I'm like, I'm not Tony Robbins, so who the fuck am I to say I'm a life coach? But I had to keep showing up though. I had to keep choosing that new identity, and I had to charge, I think it was 4,000 for my first high ticket, one-on-one client. That was my first one ever was 4,000, and I, you know, it's like I didn't know what I was doing. I, well, I do. I was working with my business coach where they gave me the blueprint. That's why it's so good to work with a coach.'cause you take the guesswork out of it, right? You just invest. They tell you exactly what to do. And that actually helps all of this friction because inside the like emotional turmoil of like, oh my God, my whole world is changing. What do my coworkers think? What do my friends think? Some friends maybe have fallen away already. Some friends have maybe sent you already a passive aggressive text. Like whatever it is. Like there's a lot of friction that happens. But when you're working with a coach or when you're with other women doing the same thing as you, you feel so much more supported and less friction. And so you are able to take the action that your coach tells you to take. And even though you feel the fear, even though you feel the friction, even though you're like, is this even possible for me? You just take the action because then eventually the action will lead to results, and those results will disprove those limiting beliefs and the fears and the worries that your brain had, right? Because now you have evidence. So that is so, so huge either in a one-on-one capacity. Some of the masterminds that I've been a part of has have been so expansive for me.'cause now it's not only my coach who I love, but now it's like, take her times 10. And it's like all these other women, of course, all different levels, all doing different things in terms of courses or programs or what they're selling and at different times, but they're still all doing it. They're still all ambitious. They still are moving also through identity shifts. And so you just feel so much more included and feel less like an outcast and an outsider like you find your tribe and that is worth. Everything that is worth all the thousands of dollars that it costs for this. Right? After one call, you're like, okay, yeah, I see why this is worth it. I already experienced the ROI on this. Okay? So when I started charging the$4,000, when I started DMing the people to see if they wanted to jump on a call with me, when I decided to call myself a coach, I did not do any of that alone. I always did it under the wing of a mentor and I, that that's truly why I am sitting here today. I could not do it by myself, so I felt the fear, I felt the discomfort, but I did it through mentorship and that is truly what got me here to the other side. So I'm gonna leave you with four. Practical like tips, tangible tips that you can actually use, whether you're going through this right now or perhaps in the future if you are considering leaving or doing a career change or starting your own thing. I really, really do hope that these help, so how to hold the new identity, number one. Act first and let your brain process it, digest it later. Act first despite the fear, despite the discomfort. Welcome those symptoms. Remember the physical response I was describing, and wait for your brain to catch up. You cannot wait for feeling ready. You cannot wait for like an emotional alignment feeling. You just have to take aligned action that matches the vision of her, the higher self, and what she is doing. Right. Whatever you say yes to has to align and you take that action despite the feeling attached to it, and then afterwards you can process. Afterwards, you can regulate. So, so, so important. Number two, stop looking for reassurance. Stop the questioning. Hiring a mentor and a coach is one thing. From a strategic place, like how do I get from A to B? That is one thing, but when you fall into the questioning of does this look okay? What do you think? Should I do this? What would you do if you were in my situation? Is this too much to invest? Do you think this is a good idea? That is you outsourcing your power and that will never help you. When you have to make an investment into yourself, into your career. I just talked about how scary it is and how uncomfortable it is. You don't go looking for permission, you go looking for support. Two very different things. If I'm looking for permission, it's exactly what I just was saying. Do you think I should do this? I don't know. It's really expensive. Do you think I should? Is it too much? Do we have the money for it? Do you think this is a good idea? What if I fail? That's looking for permission, that's looking for approval, that's looking for someone else to make the decision for you. With the limited knowledge they have, we never wanna do that. That is outsourcing our power. What I want you to do is make a decision. I am investing into this program. I feel a little afraid about it, but I don't, I know deep down it's right. I need to do this in order to move forward, and I need your support on this. Can you do that for me? That's a very different conversation, and if you feel really uncomfortable with that idea. And speaking from a place of confidence and conviction, even in the unknown, what you can start with is bite size, right? And, and it's something as simple as like, Hey, I picked this restaurant for us to go to dinner tonight. Let's go at 6:00 PM Right? You decided, you went out there and you made the decision, and now you're telling someone to come with you. Hey, I am wearing this to the bachelorette party. I'm wearing this to the baby shower. Excuse me. What are you wearing? Like you've already decided I'm wearing this. You're not in a group chat taking photos and being like, Hey, which one do you guys like? Vote? So stop outsourcing your power. Number three, and this is probably the most painful, going back to how this creates friction in your social corner, your social identity, because friends start to fall away and change and shift and all that stuff. But number three, I want you to normalize loneliness now. It's not loneliness forever. It's temporary, but there is a loneliness period. Because I always say this, I used to say this to the girls that were in the big shift. There is this old world that has to essentially crumble and collapse. Then you're kind of like on this bridge like this one man bridge. Think of a really janky bridge over a river. It's like a wooden one and there's some planks missing and it's really wiggly. Think of that bridge, visualize that, and it's only wide enough for one person to go across at at a time. That is this bridge that you have to go across alone. And it's really uncomfortable. It's really janky. It rocks. You don't know if you're gonna fall in the water or not, right? It's that feeling of the friction. It's that gap. But once you make it to the other side, there's this new world that appears right, like the fog lifts, and you see this new world. And then this new world has like-minded individuals. That see you for who you are, and this new world shows you what is possible and the opportunity is endless and the money that you can make, right? Total expansion. But before you get to that, it can be very isolating. You have to go across that bridge alone. And again, that doesn't mean you're wrong. It doesn't mean that you are crazy. It just means that you're in the in-between, from the old world to the new world. So if anyone is in this right now, just know I see you. I've been through that. Know that this too shall pass and you will get to the other side. Number four and my final one. You borrow belief until you have your own. And now I said this before, this is why you hire coaches. This is why you hire mentors. This is why you get your self into rooms. Into Masterminds with other like-minded individuals because you have not tasted this ex, this freedom yet. You have not tasted the money yet. You have not tasted the client saying yes yet. You haven't said you haven't tasted. The freedom of an entrepreneur schedule and freedom of time and location and money, like you haven't experienced that yet. That's all in your head. Remember, you see it in your mind's eye first. So what you want to do is get yourself in spaces, get yourself around people, and borrow their belief, believe their delusion until. It pans out for you and you have that evidence. I think I mentioned it on my last part two series towards the end, but I will never forget it. I invested into Rob Dial's program my, he was my business coach, and I had so many thoughts and fears and worries and doubts of like, this worked for him. It won't work for me. But I had to keep my head down and I just had to follow the plan he gave me, and I just had to take action and I had to focus on my effort to give myself confidence, right? Like I showed up today. I posted today, I DMed 10 people today. I showed up on a sales call. I pitched my offer. I handled the objections to the best of my ability. I showed up. That was all in my control, and that was me taking action. And I had to focus on that effort to be like, good job, Katya, before the results ever came. You have to root your wins in the effort, not the results, and therefore you get to enjoy the journey. So I had to keep my head down. I had to take the action based off of his roadmap, based off of his blueprint, and I had to trust myself and I had also had to trust him. He is a multimillion dollar coaching business. He must be doing something right. So if I could just get 5% of that, then this investment was worth it. That changed the game for me. Until my first client said yes. Now I had my own proof and I believed in myself, and I believed in the program, and I believed in the strategy. Well,'cause now someone said yes to me for$4,000, right? But I had to borrow the belief first. So I want you to stay around other people doing the thing that you want to do. I want you to stay around other coaches. I want you to stay around mentors. I want you to get your ass in the rooms of Masterminds where other people are doing this, and good for you if there's people that are even ahead of you in those masterminds too, that normalizes your next level and that collapses the timeline. You literally shave years off of your effort just by getting yourself in the room. So that's what I got for you guys today. I really, really, really hope this is helping someone on the other side of this. Sometimes when you record a podcast, you have no idea who's listening and no idea. How this resonates with someone, but it's on my heart and I really, really hope that this was a good one to wrap the identity series with. So that's what I got for you this week. If anything about this episode resonated with you, please do me a favor and take a screenshot of this podcast, post it on your stories. Tag me at Katia, Lillian, I would love to connect with you. So thank you in advance and I appreciate you. Until next time.